Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast, the podcast where we explore, master and learn more about, and dive deeper into the science and practice of change, of transformation, of growing our future selves better, smarter, wiser and more fulfilled. Today we are talking about our frustrations, or how to deal with this anxiety or itch that we are not good enough and our life is not put together and there are more and more things that we have to take care of, that we have to get right in order to feel that we're like proud of ourselves, that we are worthy and good members of society, that we're like good humans. Frustration list With my clients. So often in our sessions, especially when we've been working for like a year or you know some period of time, they come to a session and they would say something like well, you know, angela, shouldn't I figure this out by now? Like should I? And their question is about shouldn't I have it all figured out by now? Like by the time I'm 40 or 50 or 60 or even by the time I'm 35. Like, shouldn't I have it all figured out? It seems like everyone else has it all figured out and I haven't. Like, why is that? And, first of all, nobody has it all figured out and, second of all, you're never gonna finish everything that you think you should finish.
Speaker 1And to deal effectively with this frustration, with not being enough, there is a really, really good technique that is a mix, a combination of different, well-researched strategies for well-being, productivity and creating a fulfilling life, like if you constantly find yourself in this state of frustration or I don't have yet that done and this done and it feels like I'm a complete wreck, a mess. My desk is a mess, I don't have my teeth taken care of, my manicure is not great, I need to wash my car, I need to get a new computer or I need to change my phone, or I need to spend more time with my kids or with my parents or with my partners and at work. I need to learn about more about the eye and I need to work more with other people. I need to network, I need to collaborate, I need to take better care of my fitness. You get the idea Everything from fixing I don't know your coffee machine or your washing machine, or changing oils or tires, to changing your wardrobe, to working on your lifestyle, getting a haircut, taking care, like all of these things that we gotta do and it seems like the list of our frustrations is growing and growing and growing and we are just never going to be able to catch up. And in that sense, yes, you are never going to be able to catch up with it all and your frustration list, if you let it just sit in your head, you know, destroy so much quality of your life, so much joy and gratitude for what you have and, yes, so much fulfillment from what you are building every single day. Because, guys, maybe your frustration list is growing but you're also doing a lot of things and hopefully this time, and with practices that you are about to learn, you're going to learn how to get more and more and more fulfillment and joy from the hours in your day, from the activities that you do, versus feeling like you do all of the things but they still don't add up to a fulfilling life. So, three-step process that you're going to learn today, they're going to help you not to just deal with this frustration and actually be at peace with a lot of things left undone, but then also it will help you to make more progress on the meaningful things, not by becoming super obsessed with managing every minute of your schedule, but giving abundantly to the things that actually matter in different areas of your life. So let's dive right into that.
Speaker 1Step number one how to deal with this frustration list, and I call it frustration list technique, which is a three-step process which, again, I learned from research as a wellness of stress management, stress regulation of burnout prevention, meaningful productivity. Like all these gurus, I assimilate all of that. I read all of the books and blogs and many videos and I listen to a ton, a ton of podcasts. I'm like, ah, these are the commonalities. And then I put it into practice myself and with my clients and I see they're working because they are based on really good research. So, anyhow, step number one how to deal with that frustration, please, to turn your frustrations into more quality of life, first, dump it out, write it out, write it all out, sit down and spend the next 10 minutes.
Speaker 1I recommend you step in your car, your work, whatever it is you're doing, getting some piece of paper, or even your phone with a note app open, or maybe your laptop. Just sit down. Writing works better, guys, because the connection between your hand and your brain is much more intimate, but also the way you write different letters in different ways. So neuroscientists say it affects your brain and that the effect on your psyche is much more profound than when you type it in or if you're just thinking. So Sit down and write out the full frustration list Again anything from fixing your car to fixing your computer, to fixing your teeth, to learning certain things at work, everything that you are not satisfied with, like my desk is a mess, I need to clean that up, my clothes or my wardrobe needs an upgrade, or I need to take care of my kids.
Speaker 1For this, everything that you are frustrated with that you are just not getting around to doing like. Write down everything that needs to be fixed, everything that you feel like you need to get together in order to feel like you have your shit together. So write it down, all of the things that you are frustrated with about your day, about yourself, just like not getting it done. Write it all down, guys. Spend the next 10 minutes, sometimes it's more. Just write it all down, all of it.
Speaker 1David Allen, one of the gurus of productivity, created Get Things Done system that's been popularized and used all over the world. He trademarked this, saying your head is a crappy office, and what he means and what is confirmed by neuroscientists, is that when you just let things sit in your head without writing them down, without fully processing it, first, you occupy your memory, your operating memory, your memory that you use to think, to make decisions, to be creative. It's like it sits there and occupies space, like it would in the memory of your computer. That doesn't allow you to use it for other stuff. But then you also have these things unpracticed, which add to this feeling of anxiety and unease. You have this stuff that is just sitting there and not taken care of and spoiling the quality of your life. So when you write it down, you take it out of your mind, you process it better with your prefrontal cortex, which also makes it less emotional, and also now you're not afraid to forget it because it's all on paper.
And again, what your brain wants when it gives you anxiety about things undone, what your brain wants that researchers confirm more and more is bring your attention to things that you feel are important and need to be taken care of for you to thrive. And once you write them down, it's like you partially took care of them and maybe you don't take care of all of that stuff and a lot of that stuff doesn't really matter in the big picture of your life, but it reduces that anxiety and allows you to be fully alive and present for your day, so you actually can get meaningful things done, get perspective, instead of feeling rushed into everything because you have this growing list of things undone. But, anyhow, write it down. So that's step number one. Step number two is go through this list and Think of it, through this filter of okay, what actually is meaningful to me and what is just something you got to do because everyone does it and because I feel like I need to have it, because everyone else, I think, would think better of me, or because I'm going to be a better human being. So I'll give you an example. Because I'm going to be a better human being, so I'll give you an example.
Speaker 1I have this feeling of almost embarrassment, like I need to get my new phone because this one doesn't look as good and my screen protector is all scratched. But in a bigger picture of my life, it doesn't really matter. Or if my hair is not always perfect, does it really matter? As long as it's in good condition, washed and brushed, does it really matter that I don't have a perfect haircut, does it matter that I don't have the latest wardrobe or whatever else? It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1A lot of things that are on your to-do list it doesn't really matter. It doesn't really add quality of your life and can be equally not taken care of, at least for now. And you know, your car doesn't have to be always in the pristine condition. Yeah, if you're going for the most important meeting of your life and your car is going to be there and seen and acknowledged, then yeah, maybe do take care of your car. Or if there are different situations in which things do matter, but having it all together right now probably is not useful, not doable and doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1So go through the list and ask yourself, like, what really adds quality to my life and what is just noise that I got from? I don't know like my mom you know my mom always likes to have things perfect and like for her, having things unorganized on your desk is like the worst thing a human can do. Or having your dishes not always done. I'm like you know, it doesn't matter if I get two dishes once a day, not after every meal, or if my desk is a little bit messy, as long as I get the important stuff done and I know where everything is and it doesn't overwhelm me, like it's totally fine. Or, if my hair is not always perfect, it's also fine. Maybe not according to my mom's standard, but it's fine. You know what I'm saying. So go through this list and ask yourself like what really matters and what is a noise, because, again, nobody ever will have it all figured out. And, yes, that perfect person who you admire, they also have their frustration list and they don't have it all figured out.
So let's leave some baggage behind. You know the stuff that you take on a trip but never use. Maybe this time, leave it behind so you travel lighter and you enjoy your travels a lot more, instead of worrying about all the suitcase and then having to make choices about what do I wear. If you took less, you would have to make less choices and you would have a lot more time to enjoy the quality time while traveling with your loved ones. So, anyhow, what do you leave behind? What baggage do you leave behind? What doesn't really matter? Or maybe it matters once a month? So put it on your calendar and that brings us to the third step in the process. Now you choose your things that do matter, put them on your calendar.
Speaker 1Not all of them, that's not what I'm saying, and not necessarily finishing it all Like I'll give you an example my teeth need to be taken care of. I have a few implants. I have a few not holes, but you know things that need to be taken care of before they start becoming painful. So I need to schedule my regular checkup. It doesn't matter that I need to take care of everything all at once, but go, schedule that checkup and then, one by one, schedule the rest of the procedure, maybe even if it's once a month.
Speaker 1Again, all your brain wants is for you to start taking care of things, not to take care of all of them all at once, but make progress, even if it's like, okay, this is a work project and I've been wanting to start it. Maybe that's your personal project and you never seem to have time for that. Well, just give yourself 30 minutes to think about how you're going to start. Is it important? What steps you need to take, what success looks like? Just schedule thinking time Because, again, what your brain wants is progress and you putting your attention to things that matter. So, once you choose things that matter now put on your calendar. And again, it doesn't have to be everything for now. Just choose one thing and put it on your calendar, even if it's to spend 10 minutes to decide what you're actually going to do about that. So that is step number three.
Speaker 1And that is it, and that is how you successfully, effectively deal with that never-ending to-do list, what I call the frustration list. All the things that we've got to get together to feel like we have our shit together, right? So the frustration list three steps to sum it up. Number one write it all down. Your hat is a crappy office, another one that David Allen likes to say. Your head or your mind is for creating ideas, not for keeping them. So put it all on paper, free your mind, literally. Again, well-researched technique. It will improve even the ability for you to fall asleep when you just dump it all on paper.
Speaker 1So your frustration list. Number one write it down. Number two separate the baggage that you want to leave behind from the things that actually matter. So leave behind and move forward. Two lists, right. Leave behind, move forward. Two separate lists. Some stuff you'll never get done, and that's okay. Your life will be just fine, just like your life will be just fine, just like my hair will be just fine, if they are not perfect, and my mom is never satisfied with it.
And number three act on it. Put the stuff, one thing that matters, on your calendar right now, even if it's just to think about what you're going to do about it, even if it's just to create a plan, so write it down, separate the baggage from what you take with you. And number three act on it Own one thing, put it on your calendar and that's it. Guys, that's how we deal with the never-ending frustration, at least. And what you'll find is with more practice, you're going to feel more and more at peace with the fact that you're not going to get it all figured out, but you're going to feel more and more at peace with the fact that you're not going to get it all figured out, but you're going to move the meaningful, important things forward and your life will feel more and more fulfilling because you actually spend time on things that matter. And things that don't matter don't bother you, they're just on your frustration list. Out of mind, out of sight, or out of sight, out of mind, but in this case, out of mind and really out of mind, allowing you to enjoy your life more and create more fulfilling experiences and results.
Speaker 1Hope this is helpful. Guys, don't forget, please do share this podcast with at least one other person and rate and review. Let's help each other to grow, to feel more at peace, to create more fulfillment in our work and personal life. Share, rate, review, whatever speaks to you, whatever is most convenient. It really makes a difference. It helps this podcast to reach a lot more people and only like that we can help each other to be part of the movement. Be a change agent. Don't just consumer. Be an active participant. Do something about that. Share this podcast with people you love, rate, review and your frustration list, write it down, separate the baggage from what you take with you and then act on one thing. Thank you, guys, for listening. Thank you for your attention. Until next time, keep growing, keep changing.