Hello everyone and welcome back to Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Sharina. I'm your host. I'm your partner in change and personal and collective transformation. Someone who is obsessed with growing, improving, becoming our best one step, one practice, one new system installed at a time. And today, guys, I'm recording this podcast on Sunday, and it's gonna be a short one, but very, very effective. It's gonna help you to use your feelings more effectively to direct your life where it needs to be going for you to feel more fulfilled and to create more of experiences that give your life meaning and give you a sense of progress, of personal growth. Personal growth, professional growth, growth in any area that is important to you. So yesterday I finished reading a book, Dealing with Feeling by Mark Brackett. Highly recommend it. It's like everyone's reading it on Instagram that I follow from Angela Duckworth, the researcher of Greed, to yeah, pretty much everyone. Dealing with feeling. It's all about taking charge of your life and learning to use your feelings and emotions and moods in a way that again lead you towards the life that you wanna have more of, more meaning, more fulfillment, more uh more good things that fill your cup. So I finished the book, and following advice of one of the best communication teachers out there, Vin I think his last name is Gianka. I always uh reminded myself that you need to learn how to pronounce his last name. But anyhow, I listened to one of his short videos and he mentioned his practice with books. Every time he reads a book, a nonfiction book, he remembers or he puts into use, into consistent practice, one idea, one thing per chapter. And I thought to myself, well, that's a good practice. Maybe I'm not gonna be that ambitious that I'm gonna be putting into practice one thing per chapter, because if there are like 11 chapters, it's just too many things. So I'm like, one idea from every book I read, I'm gonna put it into practice. And so I finished reading the book, Dealing with Feeling, and I said to myself, while reading the book, there was one moment in the book, one question. And after I read this question, I'm like, huh. It made me ask this question, and then immediately there was an aha, an insight that unlocked what I'm gonna be focusing on till the rest of the year, actually. So you could say that it immediately shifted the trajectory of my life, uh at least for you know the next quarter, the next 90 days. And prior to that, to give you a little bit more context, I was feeling unsettled. You know, sometimes you you go through your life and through your days, and nothing really majors happening, but you start feeling unsettled. It's like this itch that you can't scratch. It's like there, it's not painful, it's not anxiety, not fear, not worries, but it's there. And you're not sure what it is or how to deal with that. And you can't really put a finger in it and describe or label it like this is this. No, it's more like being unsettled, just not just feeling off. And I couldn't understand like what it is exactly, what I needed to do. And then I read this question in a book that I'm gonna share with you in a moment, and I immediately had this aha and this insight. I'm like, ah, that is what it is. Even though before a moment before I couldn't figure out what it was, it was actually for a couple of days, and then I also tested it with clients, and it also worked beautifully for them. And so this question and a couple of others that immediately follow allow you to switch from to shift from feeling off unsettled to feeling back on track, and especially if you decide to take action on the insights that this question's this question produces, that is a recipe for moving towards more meaning and fulfillment in your life, uh, whatever that might be at the at the moment when you're gonna ask this question. So, what is the question? So the the reveal. Very simple question. Whenever you feel unsettled or off track and you're not sure what it is, ask yourself, How do I want to feel? This is the question. How do I want to feel? Instead of how am I feeling right now? How do I want to feel? And while reading the book, uh and I read this question, and I asked myself, How do I want to feel? And immediately got the answer confident, capable, empowered. And I thought to myself, huh, that is interesting. And then the next question followed right away, and that's what Mark also in the book proposes you to linger on to think about. Well, what do I need to do to make myself feel this way? And I realized I need to put myself more in the driver's seat of my life, not waiting to be picked for a certain project, for a certain job, not waiting to be picked to get an opportunity, not waiting to get more speaking gigs to practice becoming a greater, better speaker, facilitator, but instead pick myself and reach out to all the possible places I can think of and see who might need what I have to offer. And instead of hoping for the results to come, put in a lot more action in my plan, in my day-to-day actions and practices and practices that have the ability to move me further, to get me better, to help me make progress. You know, it's such an elusive concept or getting a certain goal, a result, but better is always about available. Every day we can take an action, a couple of action, a series of action that can get us towards better in the meaningful pursuit that we feel the need to do right now. And so, back to this question, I ask myself, how do I want to feel? Like it feels that I'm a little bit off and I'm unsettled and I'm not sure what it is. So, how do I want to feel? And I got this answer is capable, confident, empowered. And I asked myself, then what do I need to do to feel that way? And immediately I realized that again, I was putting too much into someone else's hands or waiting for other people to choose me, to give me the opportunity to pick me. And actually, then the same communication teacher had this beautiful video, and I watched it on Instagram, I think maybe also two or three days before that. And in the video, he is speaking on on stage, and he picks up two of his books, and he puts his hands in the air and asks, Who wants it? Who wants it? And then he starts speaking about, you know, I'm noticing that so many of you brilliant guys, you're just always waiting for this opportunity to be picked, to be chosen. But what I learned working a lot in the US especially is that if you want something in life, you don't wait to be picked and to be chosen. And at the same time, guys started getting off their uh chairs and coming to closer to Vin to grab his books, and his hands were a little bit higher in the air, and he was speaking as they were doing that. Uh, it was really fun video, and he was still waiting to be picked, and then people grabbed the books uh from his hands. So the point of his video was so often in life, we develop some skills, we learn, we work on things, and then we wait to be picked instead of saying, you know, I really want to develop this, I truly believe this is of value, and so you develop that, and then you go and do your best to promote to make this project of of love of value be seen, and if it's not as valuable, then you work on it, and instead of again being picked, you see where you can add value with the thing that you have, and you don't wait to be picked or to be chosen, and you just do the thing. And if you truly worked on something remarkable, something's needed in the world, and if if if not, then you need to work more on that, then the world will take it off your hands, just like people took books off Vince's hands. So, and this question, funny enough, just made me realize that I'm I was still waiting to be chosen, to be picked, to be given the opportunity. And I realized that's not how successful people operate when they succeed, when they finally get to have their moment. No, instead they choose themselves. And there is actually a book with this name, and I actually meant the author. They choose themselves, they pick themselves, they create opportunities for themselves, they create the value that they feel is needed in the world, and then they let the world take the goodies off their hands. And so this question made me realize hey, this last 90 days, this last quarter of this year, Angela, this is for you to claim your power to create something of value without the world picking you and choosing you and giving you the opportunity to get out there and create those opportunities for yourself with exceptional work that the world would be happy to take off your hands. So that is the powerful question. How do you want to feel? So, over to you, dear listener, on the other side of this microphone, somewhere in the world. What do you how do you want to feel? If you feel unsettled, if you feel this itch and you're not sure what it is and what to do with it, ask yourself this question and pause and let the thoughts come to you. How do you want to feel? And what do you need to do to feel that way? And on that note, I'm gonna finish this podcast to let you ponder on Sunday or Monday. And also don't forget to share this episode, trade review, to help me to reach more years so we all ask ourselves this question and get the right answer, get our inner GPS working and guiding us so we could get out there and start picking and choosing ourselves and creating the kind of life and meaning and fulfillment that we won't deserve and fully capable of. So, thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Hope that was helpful, and till next time, just ask yourself this question How do I want to feel? And what do I need to do to get there?