Hello and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Shorina. I'm your host. I'm your partner in change, in transformation, personal and collective growth. And today, well, today is actually Christmas for the Western part of the world. You know it's so funny. I got to think about all the traditions we have around the world. Like before, the world was quite static and quite small for each of us. We were born in one place. And we would spend most of the time with people from one tradition, from one culture. And actually, for a lot of people, it still might be the truth. But even for people who stay more or less in one place their entire life, like one country, it is becoming more and more apparent that the world is just so different with its traditions. Like for example, yeah, Christmas might be a big thing for people in more of a westernized part of the world with specific religion. But if you look at a Muslim world or you look at countries like where I'm from or to Russia, we don't actually have these Christmas celebrations. And when you see people doing specific things around Christmas, you start looking at it more objectively and more with curiosity. Like, why is this evolved this way? Why are people doing this? And should I do this too? And sometimes you're like, Yeah, I kinda like this tradition, so I might take it on. And then the other day you might think, uh, you know, I kind of think this tradition is no longer for me. Like at some point with my family, we decided that we're not gonna participate in staying up late over a new year, for example, but instead we're gonna celebrate new year with fresh hands and fresh eyes on January 1st. And so I think in life you get to a point, hopefully, where you start more and more questioning the things that you grew up uh thinking they're normal or that what everybody does, and you start looking at things with the perspective of doing like it, do you actually want to do it? Does it feel right for me? Does it is it aligned with the person that becoming or wanna become or am right now? And you start questioning and re-evaluating things that are right for you, things that are fit, things that are aligned with you, and things that are not, and then choosing what you actually want to keep in your life. You know, there is this good saying you can't pour into a full cup. And when you have so many things that don't necessarily align with where you are in life, you don't have space for things that can be more aligned with the person that you are today, your present self, not yourself that drags with them all the paths that you're used to from people to work to values to your favorite snacks. It's this time of the year, at the end of the year, where I'm more reflective, and I invite a lot of people to do this reflection as well, to take this more 360 view on your life gains and perspective to mostly understand what are the things that you want to keep moving forward that are more aligned with the person you are becoming, and what do you need to leave behind, the things that are not really aligned. And why I started talking about traditions because being a more global citizen, I think I realize it more than other people that most of the things that we consider normal and what everybody does, or what happiness in life is supposed to be, they're just constructs that were adopted by our culture and people around us, and constructs that are open to reinvention, redesign, and realignment. But back to our podcast. On today's podcast, as the title and description promised, you're gonna learn about how to set your goals better for the year ahead. You know, we have a ton and ton of research how to set the goals in a way that then you actually have more chance to actually make them happen and to create the desired outcomes and momentum in your life. I psych was running a marathon before when we you know, back in the times when I wasn't born or I wasn't alive, when marathon as a movement, marathon running just began, people did not have many good strategies. But now, more and more, as we get more research, as we get more experience, as we share best practices, we learned how to run a marathon better. That sprinting and give it it all from the first step, probably not a good strategy if you want to actually run the whole marathon. And if you want to do your best time and you're an experienced marathoner, there is also a better way to run your marathon to the point of where to focus your mind. Like, for example, if you didn't know that, which is also aligned with the goal setting rule you're gonna learn today, you didn't know that, but professional marathoners, people who win a lot of marathons and show really good time, they actually use one of this very effective technique to focus our attention and to create the best performance in ourselves. So, what they do is they focus not on the finish line, but on the next person or the next milestone or the next whatever. Because what neuroscientists learned as we are the most engaged and focused and do our best with our energy, internal, external resources when the goal is quite near. They call this goal gradient effect. What basically means people are more motivated when we feel we are approaching our goal than when we are far away from it, and so you can use it in your goal setting by breaking down your big plan, your big goal into smaller milestones that you can see in your near future that you are almost reaching. And so it works for marathon runners who focus on like the next person to overcome or the next turn or maybe the next loop, not on the finish line. So, that being said, let's get back to goal setting and how again you can set the goals better to actually have a better chance of achieving them or getting closer to them. You know, yesterday I listened to a podcast on horizon planning from David Allen and his brand getting things done, and they talked about goal setting, and I really loved this notion that they discussed that goal setting is great not because you now have a guarantee that you're gonna achieve a certain future. Goal setting is great because it changes what you do in the moment, how you feel, where you dedicate your time, where you dedicate your energy, what you prioritize. And I really love it because indeed, in life, there are no guarantees, no matter how good you get with your goal setting or your consistency, because there is a huge part that is the world, and there is luck, and other people, and all these patterns that are outside of your control. But what changes with goal setting is now all of a sudden you set up your brain to focus and filter specific things, and also you usually prioritize your time, your energy, resources for these specific things that you say you want to achieve, and by doing so, you improve the likelihood of those things becoming a reality in your life. So, goal setting. It is useful, but it's not magic. What are some uh specifically three mistakes that people still do with goal setting? Majority of people still do, even though research, really good research, shows that that is not what's gonna motivate you, what's gonna keep you going, or what's gonna make it more likely that you actually gonna persevere and focus on your goals uh until the moment that you have a chance to reach them, right? So three mistakes that people still do that actually sabotages goal achieving achieving. Mistake number one, do not should be. You know, there is like the magic of thinking be, because it's uh one of the most popular books in this self-development psychology. And here is where it is wrong. Uh stretch goals beat leap goals. You know, stretch goals is when something is a little bit outside of your comfort zone, but you can stretch and reach there. You see yourself getting there, whereas leap is like this void underneath your feet that you need to jump over, and you don't really see how that's possible. Consistent motivation, the kind you need to keep taking action that increase the likelihood of you achieving your goals, comes from goals that are challenging but believable. Your brain has to genuinely think, yes, this is possible. And as you reach your next milestone, just like an elite marathoner, your brain sees the possibility of the next step. And yes, have a big vision, absolutely, but set goals that are within your reach. Use that big vision as a North Star. You know, when you travel from, I don't know, when we used to travel by foot and use stars to navigate, you see the star, but it's not like you're ever gonna reach it, but it helps you to navigate the world towards where you wanna go. So you can always set the next big goal once you get to where to that strange goal. Self-belief grows from evidence, and that's the most important thing about this, guys. If you should big and set these goals that you can only reach, I don't know, in 30-40 years, if ever, just like Elon Musk, you know, we're gonna get to Mars. I don't know if he's gonna get to Mars, but he'll probably get people closer to that. So when you set those goals and you don't have smaller goals that you can achieve in the next month, quarter, or even the next week or day, if you don't have that, then you sh you you set yourself up for a lot, a lot of failure, what seems like failure because you're never really reaching that goal, and that demotivates you, and that makes you feel less confident in your ability to achieve anything, not just that big goal, but anything. And that's why it is so important to set goals that you can actually reach, because self-belief and motivation grow from evidence, not from having this big star goal that nobody ever reached, and you might not reach it in your lifetime. So do not shoot big. Number two, and again, everything that you hear is based on research, just like with marathon runners, they do not focus and they ask those runners. They actually did research and asked those elite runners, like where do you focus? And that's what they found. So do not shoot big, have straight goals, not leap goals. Have your big vision as a compass, as a North Star, not something that you measure your performance on. Second mistake: do not be a positive thinker. And I don't need to mention amount of literature, and actually, I uh used to believe that that is the way you're supposed to focus on and sort of design your thinking and playing around, like be a positive thinker, uh be secret, and all of these people. But you see, the funny thing about those people, the the Hussey, you know, be a positive thinker. Our brain is just designed that way. Then whenever we get some positive response, we start thinking, oh, it it is because I was a positive thinker, it is because I did that and that. But actually, a lot of that because of luck, and what helps people to consistently go after their goals, especially after hard and challenging goals, is not thinking positively, but instead adjusting expectations, thinking things like, you know, this big goal, if it's really big, it's gonna be challenging, and I'm gonna face a lot of obstacles. And there is this formula that a lot of modern philosophers agree on. Happiness equals reality minus expectations. And try it out on yourself. When were you the unhappiest? Probably when reality did not meet your expectations. And you know, you can try to change reality or you can change your expectations, which works a lot more reliably, easier, and more doable. But back to positive thinking, what research shows that actually works better for long-term consistency of action, which leads you towards better probabilities of achieving your goals, what leads towards more consistency with action and more balanced mood and motivation and resilience and perseverance, actually what's called mental contrasting or envisioning your goal, but then envisioning all the obstacles that might, and a lot of them will, get in your way. Then you think through how to reduce the chances of those things happening and how you'll respond when those things happen, and then how to adjust without drama. And what happens is, and again, this is called mental contrasting, and you can look it up. It's one of the most effective tools we have for consistent follow-through, less emotional damage, faster recovery, and yes, more actions and more momentum. So, as a marathoner, as an example, you can think of oh, it's just gonna be fun. I'm just gonna breeze through the race with this beautiful high runner's high stay. But actually, no, if you prepare yourself and you know that no running is hard, the less prepared you are, the harder it's gonna get, and you might lose your toes, like I did once, and you will feel like you're not gonna make it, and you're probably gonna feel really fatigued and tired, and there might be pains appearing, so and there might be and your clothing might not be fitting you that well, and you might find that your shoes are not that great for running this race. Like, what are you gonna do then? And when you have the action plan for all these moments, guess what? Then you're not that bummed down by the fact that they do happen, and you do have a plan on how to pivot. And when you do have a plan, you pivot faster and then you keep taking action, which leads you towards better outcomes with running that marathon, which life or building a business is. So do not be a positive thinker. Yes, plan big, have great goals, the stretch ones, but then also think about all the opticals and the ways that this thing can not work out. Because there is this thing, man plans God loves, and it's there for a reason. How many times did you plan and things didn't exactly go according to your plan, but they still turned out to be pretty good, especially when you decided to take action and had some plan in place? Plan B. Plan B is not because you don't believe in your plan A. Plan B is because things do not go according to our plans all the time, if ever. So do not shoot big, do not think positive. And the third one that again, research-based, and we know it works better, and somehow we still often forget about that. But now that you're gonna learn it, just remember these three rules, and you're gonna be in a much better position to maintain consistent momentum of action. What is the most meaningful thing for reaching your goals? So number three do not celebrate success. Reward action. Every step, every attempt, every every step taken, every rep, every step, every attempt. You can't, and the reason is you can't fully control outcomes. Again, many plans got loves, but you can control your effort, frequency, consistency. And the thing is, the more of those you take, the more the chance is that you reach your goal. But if you only reward successes which are not in your control, then you are much less likely to take more action, which made kids which makes it less likely that you reach your goal. It is very demotivating to focus on successes that you do not always reach, feeling like you are not in control because you are not, and then somehow feeling motivated to take steps still. But when you adjust your expectations and you realize that all of those things that are out of my control, but what I can control is the actions, the learnings from every step taken. Then and when you start rewarding and congratulating yourself and maybe having this track, this tracking shit or that I always recommend to client, or an app that shows you how many reps you did, or that's why I rather I love writing in public because I have a record of all this writing that I did. And then people start congratulating me or uh complimenting on my communication skill, on my writing skill. I'm like, yeah, because I took action, so I reward action and reps, not the successes. That again come and go. You don't always get to hear compliments at all, and sometimes people will say that you are bad at it, and and so what? Now you just stop, which reduces the chance of you to actually achieving that goal that you say you want. You know, luck might show up or not, but consistent growth only comes from putting reps in. Track progress, yes, to adjust your strategy, but tracking watching your goal itself isn't what moves the goal closer. Forward motion does, every step does, mastery does, and mastery is built step by step, rep by rep. So, to conclude our conversation today, if you want. To achieve more goals or simply make more progress because again, goals are not guaranteed. But if you take more reps, you're gonna get closer and closer and closer. And here is what works better for you having the motivation and resilience and perseverance for taking more steps, for taking more action, for taking more reps. Number one, have a big vision, but set achievable straight goals. Believe in yourself and your vision, but plan for obstacles. Acknowledge progress. Use it to adjust, but be obsessive about rewarding the reps you take. Right? Do not shoot big, do not be a positive thinker, do not celebrate success. Because what gets you there isn't that. It's your ability to see yourself succeeding one small goal at a time. It's your ability to overcome and work through obstacles without the loss of momentum and enthusiasm. And it's your ability to take another step, another rep, another take on it, another another effort. And that comes from rewarding the actions that you take, not the successes that you do not control. So, guys, I hope this is helpful, and it's this time of the year when you start setting your goals, when you start uh creating new direction, new destination, when you start creating your visions for, I don't know, maybe the next decade, even till 2035. We're gonna be there as well, maybe even on this podcast. Uh, because our podcast has been around for almost what eight years. So, guys, as we are in this season of setting goals, of creating visions, of shaping your destination, just remember those three things. Do not shoot big, do not reward success, and do not be a positive thinker. Because at the end of the day, what helps you to take more steps, which increases the chances of you reaching the goals, is the actions you take. And the more motivation and belief you have, the more it's more likely to happen. And that's why it's you need to build the reps, reward them, and uh think about obstacles so they don't demotivate you and uh have reach having being able to reach goal by goal, building that evidence so you are so so you have so much more confidence and so much more motivation to continue. Thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you for listening. If you love this podcast and you found it useful, please do share it with other people. So people you admire, you love, that you care for and cherish, so they also could uh have more motivation and have more momentum and resilience for the goals that they want. So let's build more impactful worlds together, one pair of ears at a time. So please share right with you. And till next time, guys, keep growing and start setting the right kind of goals.