Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Shorina. I'm your host, I'm your partner in change, transformation, personal and collective evolution, and just someone who's passionate and obsessed with human potential, unlocking more of it, using more of it, creating more positive impact in the world with it, and living extraordinary lives of growth while doing that. Today, guys, we are talking about resilience and going well through the toughest days. Doing well through the toughest days, and by doing well, I don't mean like you're gonna feel it's sunshine and rainbows when you know shit hits the fan. But how do you do? How do you practice? What do you practice? Habits, routines, tools, skills, so that when the toughest day comes, you can actually move through it, you can actually sleep well through it and get stronger on the other side, and be proud of the person that showed up on those toughest days. Like, how do you do it? What do you practice? I don't want to start with a little bit of a rant. What I learned in my work as a also leadership development um facilitator, as an executive coach, as a leadership development coach. I learned that in most companies till this point, like a lot, a lot of companies do leadership development in a very ineffective way, to say the least. So we do the workshops, we do the talks, and we do different kinds of events and offsites, and we learn all of this stuff, and we're like, yes, we're gonna practice, we're gonna do the new thing, you know, new you, new year, whatever that is. And then you get back to work to a different environment, to your usual day, and you have no context on how to put all of this knowledge into practice and reinvent, reimagine your workday, your workflows, your default responses. And guess what? Especially on during the moments of not so much crisis but pressure, and when we need to get things done fast, we don't default to our new thing. We don't just, oh, today's a really busy day, let me try this new thing. No, today's the busy day, let me do the thing that I've always done. That's what happens, doesn't it? But all uh leadership development programs, like most of them, all the the ones that I participated in, yet to actually be given an authority or ownership of a full design of implementation of a leadership development program in a way that helps the skills to stick and helps the people to grow and help the culture to transform. But that's about culture. But we often do the same for ourselves. We read a book on resilience, we attend some talk on resilience, we we decide to work on toughing up and building our discipline, and we kind of think that when the tough moments come, we just gonna do it. And how often does it happen? When you're rushed, when you're under pressure, when you need to get things done to get things uh you know moving, you don't default to your new thing, you default to what you've always done. That's why so many clients come to me when we just begin our journey on building new habits, new routines, new skills. And after a really busy week or day or a toughest moment, they don't come to me saying, Yeah, I've nailed it. They usually fail. And that's exactly how it's supposed to go, to make you realize that on the toughest days, you don't default to your aspirations, you fall to the level of your training. Just like Stoics and AVCEALs say, you don't we don't rise to the level of our aspirations, we fall to the level of our training. Especially they talk about the toughest, the busiest, the most challenging days. I want to also start with a little story. So, a client of mine, a little coaching pride story, I must say. Because my client's successes are my biggest joys, and they show me that the work that I do does matter. So, a client of mine is going through a tough career transition, and by tough I mean people are not playing for him, but almost against him, and he's been with the company for more than 30 years, and it doesn't feel good. And so it's a tough one. We'll we all we sometimes think that you know a career transition is just you know tough for me, it's a lot of change, but sometimes it's really tough, and there are people who do things that are not nice, so sometimes things really get rough. And so in our regular weekly session, he shared something small but remarkable. He'd received some bad news some days ago, and the kind that usually sends his mind spinning at night and he he wouldn't be able to sleep properly and for several nights usually. But this time, instead of locking it inside of him and trying to sleep through it and somehow live through it, survive through it, he took out his journal and wrote in it before bed. And he slept well. Not perfectly, but noticeably better than on other nights when his mind traced in every possible direction instead of sleeping. He also did something else that mattered. He focused on what he could control in this situation. He focused on also on self-care and self-nourishment, doing his usual stuff, exercise, nutrition, he scheduled some time with friends, work, he then started working on his next steps, thinking through future direction and all the projects that he can take care of despite all that's happening. And it's still tough, but it's still tough and nothing is magically fixed, but he's moving forward, and he's proud of himself and his idea a little stronger with every step. So he used the tools when it was tough because we've been together for a couple of years now, and he trained that and all of my you know nugging about doing the journals and reflections. Finally, it all made sense and it all was very useful. You don't really own a habit until, or a mindset until you do it when it's stuff, you don't have time, you're busy, you don't have motivation, and it's sort of the last thing on your to-do list. That's when you know you really own it. When my clients come to me in general after a really busy week, unable to do what we've learned, and usually again at the beginning of our journey, I know that it's not the time to work on them, but it's a really, really good time to start working on the tools that will help the next busy time to go better. That's where they realize oh, I don't do what I think I'm gonna do on a toughest day unless I build systems and skills in advance, planning for it, knowing, preparing for the things going wrong. Until I do that, I won't actually go past all these moments and I won't really grow. Alright, so it's time to work on the tools, on systems, on habits, on why. Because the biggest growth and the most meaningful rewards don't come from doing the right thing when it's easy. Almost everyone can do it when it's easy, when you have the energy, when you have the motivation, when you have all the time. The biggest growth and rewards come from doing that what you know you gotta do when it's hard, when you're tired, when you're busy, when you're not motivated, and you're not disciplined, and you still do the thing. Not because, again, of discipline, but because you've built systems that support you, habits that carry you through, and clear enough why to know why it's worth doing it. So that's a little story from my coaching life and my experience and how you can know that you really own something. It's not again when everything plays for you and you have all the time and everything goes right. It's when it goes wrong and you still do the right thing. That's when you know you own it. And that's why most of the leadership developing programs go sideways because then you actually train it long enough and you skill to do it, to make it their default when not just when things are right, but also when all the things go wrong and all the shit starts hitting all the fans. But on a practical note, right now I want to give you, I want to share with you how many is it? I made at least seven tools to work on your mental resilience, the skills to practice when it's it's alright and it's not your toughest day. So when it is your toughest day, you can default to them and get moving further and forward towards your growth, toward the future you're proud of a lot faster and getting stronger instead of falling to your defaults that don't make you grow or don't make you proud. So seven tools, and again, the time is to practice is before it's tough. The first tool is journaling. Like I just told you the story of my client, we did a lot of journaling before that happened, and he knew that it was actually useful. So, journaling, and it's as easy as writing down stuff, emotional stuff, stuff that bothers you, anything that's on your mind, just put it all on paper. They did this research when they ask people to write about what they're gonna do the next day, their to-do list right before bat, and people slept more and fell asleep faster the more detailed they wrote. It seems like when we write, we process it differently and it allows our mind to go peacefully to rest. So, journaling is a very helpful process. There is also this proven uh in therapy and in in therapeutic practices journaling protocol. You can you can Google Huberman Lab Podcast Journaling Protocol, and it will give you the link, or you can ask ChatGPT about that. It's a four-time journaling protocol to process difficult emotions, very often emotions that traumatized you, and now you have sort of unbalanced responses to certain situations. So, journaling helps to process stuck emotions and get it out of your system so you have more adequate responses to your reality and you can keep moving forward and growing without anything stopping you. The second tool after journaling is notice and name, and that I learned in coaching practice, and it is very simple, it's sort of similar to journaling, but you don't have to journal, you just have to get really present, and whenever you're going through something more or less challenging or disturbing, or maybe some anxiety, something that worries you. You stop and you ask yourself, okay, what am I feeling in my body, in my emotions, physically, mentally, emotionally? What am I feeling? Yeah, and then how do I name it? So you notice, you now name it. What exactly, yeah, that feeling? What am I again feeling? The the emotion, the mental state, the physical state. And then the third part is how do I respond to that? How do I want to respond to that aligned with my goals, with my values, with my identity? What am I gonna be almost proud of? But what contributes to my well-being moving forward, right? So notice, name, and then how do I respond? So it's tool number two, notice and name. Tool number three is your routines, sleep, nutrition, exercise, that's self-care. The fact of doing the routine will calm you down almost immediately when times are uncertain and you're going through this rough, shaky period. Doing routine, it's introducing some certainty into the uncertain times. It is actually very calming in research and on stress, on resilience that has been shown to uh improve your ability to deal with stressors when you have some sort of routine, some sort of regularity and certainty, which also can be applied to workplace. That's why you have different rituals to help people feel that you know some things stay the same even amidst all the uncertainty. So if you're leading people through change and uncertainty, ask yourself what are the rituals and routines that we have that we do no matter what, to give people certainty and some sort of ground to launch into the unknown. So three tools so far we we named journaling, notice a name, sleep nutrition exercise, basically doing your routines. Then we have another four tools. But before we jump into that, guys, share this podcast episode with one person who is going through rough time, rough transition, and they might need some of these tools to get through that, not just alive, but getting stronger and almost thriving. Yes, it's still gonna feel tough like a hard workout, but you can get through it getting stronger on the other side, and somewhat being okay on the journey, right? So share this podcast episode, also rate review that helps us to go into more countries, more cities, and help more strivers, achievers, leaders in on all the different levels, entrepreneurs, business owners who decide to commit to growth and making something better in this world, right? So share, review, help us help, let's help more people together. And now back to the episode. So we named journaling, notice and name, sleep, nutrition, exercise, your routines. The fourth one is social support. Social support is like hack to health, well-being, longevity, feeling great, feeling happier, feeling more on purpose, like so many things when you get the social part right, when you get the supporting friends or family or coworkers or people you aspire to, and just having that social support and sharing tough moments, not just you know, I'm good, I'm okay. But all of that, it will help you, and it will also help other people to feel better about themselves because if they truly care about it's a joy for them to help you in your hard moments, right? So social support, just like my client scheduled some bike rides with his friends amidst all this chaos, that is actually very helpful and a strong tool to help you deal with the stuff and realize that life is a lot bigger than anything that you are going through. Then we have tool number five: do the things in your control. Like McClends focused on things that he could control, his next steps, the content that he will develop, the business that he will develop because of that, all of his influence and his thought leadership journey, all of the things, many, many things that are in his control. And that gives you the dopamine. When we start acting, we get this molecule of motivation, of feeling good, of feeling strong, of feeling like doing stuff to get through it. When you start doing things in your control, it gives you the sense of agency, capability, confidence, all those things you get from taking action that are in your control. And there is always something in your control. Then tool number six, reframing and focusing. Your mind is one thing that you can 100% control. Not what comes to your mind, emotions and thoughts, but what you do with it, how you respond. And when tough things get tough and rough, you can focus on the silver lining. You can remember all the times where things got tough, but you got through them. You can focus, and that's where reframing and focus part comes in, on the lessons. You can focus on people who also are going through tough stuff, maybe tougher than you, and they are nailing it, well, at least maybe getting through that well enough to move through it and get stronger. You can reframe on lessons, you can reframe on the opportunity, on the growth, and on all the good stuff that will come out of this change. And there is always something good that's gonna come out of the change. So, framing, reframing, and focusing. One of the things, again, your mind is in your total control. Again, not what comes to your mind, but what you do with it, and then the last but not least, time traveling, and it's a very useful one. You can distance yourself from right now, right here, and you can think of the moments that are going to be in your future when you move through it, when you show some strengths, when you build some skills, when when things will change, you know, good things about this world is there is always something changing, and this too shall pass, and you can travel to that moment when this passes, and you're like, oh, that's gonna be so cool when this is out of my story, out of my plate. And so now, if you can just look at it as an experience that you need to live through, that you are as a hero of your own story, get to work through. It's actually quite fascinating how we can travel to the past looking at our challenging times and how we overcame them, and looking into the future, knowing that it's always gonna change, that it's always gonna get better, and we're gonna feel cute again, and there are gonna be really beautiful moments. And doing so on purpose and with intention will help you a lot to not be stuck in that emotionally and mentally and physically tough moment, and instead focus on your emotional oasis on the good times that will help you to deal with what is when it's tough a lot better. So, to sum it up, we have seven tools that you need to practice before the hardest, the most challenging days. So you default to them when they come. Again, we don't rise to the level of our aspirations, we fall to the level of our training. So, what are you training? Journaling. Number two, notice a name. Number three, your routine, sleep, nutrition, exercise. Number four, social support. Number five, do the things in your control, take action, have exercise your agency, move the dopamine into your system. Number six, framing and focus of your mind. And number seven, time traveling. These two shall pass, and there are gonna be times where you've grown and you're gonna be enjoying this beautiful life again. So, guys, I hope this was very helpful, useful, practical, and you're gonna approach it, not like our dated leadership development program, when we listen to the thing and never do anything about the thing, but you actually put this into practice, put it in your journal, put it into your I don't know, calendar, your reminder system, and you practice it one step at a time, one skill, one habit at a time, until it becomes an automatic response, something that you habitually do and fall on when things get rough. And in my coaching practice, I know that the clients really got it when they're out of this busy week, and they're like, Yep, I still did my exercise. Not always perfect, not always like the best workout ever, but yep, I did it. Yes, I slept pretty well, yes, I did my best with nutrition, what was possible, I did it all, and that's where I know they got it, and from now on, they know how to carry themselves through the most toughest moments, getting stronger instead of getting back to some default. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for your time, for your attention, and till next time, do two things. All three, share this podcast episode with someone who might be struggling. Number two. Keep practicing and number three, never stop growing. Till next time.