Sharper Together
Sharper Together
Lindsey Maestas
In today's episode, we sit down with Lindsey Maestas. Lindsey is the Host of the Living Easy Podcast where she talks about how you are more than your mess. She is also an entrepreneur, writer and speaker, but more than that, she is just passionate about Jesus. She is married to her husband Jesse and they have two boys, Sutton and Saxon. Today she talks about her past and how Jesus has brought her freedom from a life of promiscuity to purpose. She talks about what it is like struggling with postpartum anxiety and depression and her heart to help others have the best marriages they can.
Lindsey can be found on Instagram at http://Instagram.com/livingeasywithlindsey or on her website https://sparrowsandlily.com/
To Listen to her episodes on Postpartum Psychosis click here: Episode 1 and Episode 2
To Listen to her episode on Social Media Heart Check click here
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Lindsey Maestas: [00:01:19] What am I going to do with that? Am I going to hold it in and just allow myself to sit in the shame and the guilt and the regret? No, because that's not where Christ has me. That's not what he's called me to. He says in Christ, you're a new creation that does not have to be you anymore. Um, in, in regards to rape or molestation or abuse of any kind that is, that is a healing process.
But I will say that I believe truly. And I've seen this in my own life. The enemy loses his power when our sin is in the light and or when our struggle is in the light.
Michael Lee: [00:01:54] Welcome to the sharper together podcast. This is a show built on the Proverbs 27 [00:02:00] 17 truth. That is iron sharpens iron. So one man sharpens another.
It is our hope that listening to real life stories and Q and a, from leaders of all walks of life will encourage, empower and equip you in your walk with Christ today's guest is Lindsay my esta. Lindsey is host of the living easy podcast, where she talks about how you are more than your mess. She's also an entrepreneur writer and speaker, but more than that, she's just passionate about Jesus.
She's married to her husband, Jesse, and they have two boys Sutton and Saxon today. She talks about her past and how Jesus has brought her freedom from a life of promiscuity to purpose. She talks about what it's like struggling with postpartum anxiety and depression. And our heart to help others have the best marriages they can.
I'm your host, Michael Lee. Let's dive into today's episode and stay
[00:03:00] Lindsay. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for joining
Lindsey Maestas: [00:03:05] us today. Thank you so much for having me I'm honored to be here.
Michael Lee: [00:03:09] Absolutely. The honor is all ours. The first question I have for you is to just tell us a little bit about how you got started and everything that you're doing, where you are now, you're a podcast or entrepreneur writer, speaker, all these incredible things.
Tell us how you got started with that and how God has grown it.
Lindsey Maestas: [00:03:25] Yeah, so I was on my couch covered in spit up with a nine month old baby and I just quit a corporate job right out of college. And I was really. Grateful to have the position that I had in that, um, job, but it was a lot, it was a very stressful.
I remember many days spent crying before I went into work and it was just a lot of pressure and I was very young. Um, and there was also kind of a dynamic around me being very young in the position that I was in. And [00:04:00] many comments were made from. The CEOs and CFOs of the business about how young I was and kind of constantly questioning the value and the worth, even though they kept me in the position.
And I felt like I was fulfilling all of the duties that I had. And so that kind of flowed into maybe a sense of insecurity within myself of not knowing where I wanted to be or. If the corporate world was my thing. And when I got pregnant, I kind of saw it as my way out. And my husband is in real estate.
So very thankfully he was able to kind of take on the reigns for a while. And when, after I had my baby, I was, I was filled with so much postpartum anxiety and depression, and I kept Googling. All of the things like I just wanted to hear people's stories, the real stories. And I feel like it's gotten a lot better now because granted this was five and a half years ago.
And I think these types of conversations have been, had so much more now, but I [00:05:00] couldn't find anyone talking about not wanting to hold their baby, not wanting to touch their baby feeling afraid of their baby. And. I didn't know fully what it was. I'd even talked to my doctor and they kind of just said, you're going to be okay.
You know, this is part of being a new mom. So I just thought I was a horrible mom and I had my, I got my degree in journalism. And so as I was kind of facing this struggle, I realized I want to talk about it. I want to share the nitty gritty because I want other people to know that this is brutal. And they're not alone in it though.
And that there is hope in it. And it doesn't mean that they're a horrible mother because they have anxiety, but that there are steps to take in order to get better. And so that started in the first one I posted about this was it was very well received and I was really thankful. It was a very vulnerable decision to make because I let people into the real nitty gritty.
But as soon as I did that for the [00:06:00] first time, I saw the freedom that it brought a lot of other moms and just telling them, you know, there's hope in Jesus and this isn't something that you have to do on your own. This isn't your burden to carry. And God calls us to community for a reason, but he also calls us to.
To allow our weakness to be shown because in our weakness, he is strong. And that just took my blog, that I started a blog at the beginning that took my blog into, um, a really cool trajectory where online magazines were sharing it to focus on the family and it continued to grow. Um, there was one I wrote about my history of promiscuity and codependency and relationships and.
Just kind of in purity as a whole, just feeling like filthy and dirty, because I jumped from relationship to relationship. And I was when I was 14 years old and this gets really heavy really quickly, but it's a part of my story. Um, I was aggressively raped by [00:07:00] somebody who was quite a bit older than me and.
Yeah, I wasn't really taken seriously, even though I went and told people right away. And so as I process through this, after getting married and working through a lot of the hurt and the confusion from it, all I shared about it and I felt the Holy spirit tell me like, Lindsay, just write, you know, write about it and share it.
And I was terrified because I knew. That people from high school would be reading it. And people in my life and family members would be reading my story of being just a girl who sought attention and just wanted people to see me and felt obligated to have sex with people, because that was just who I was.
I was dirty already. And so that was just, it, it made me feel like I owed it to them, even though I hated it. And I didn't want to be a part of it. And so, as I shared that, that was kind of the beginning of where everything went because I received thousands of [00:08:00] emails. From women in Africa and Saudi Arabia in America, all over the world that they had struggled with the same thing and they had never spoken about it, or they had never heard anyone speak about it.
Then of course, blog posts. People don't read as much as they used to. And so I launched the living easy podcast where I share. Not only that, but it's basically, my motto is more than your mess. You know, we, God says that he redeems all things. When we are in him, he washes his widest snow, as he says in Isaiah.
And he's covered us with his blood. And I want to bring others that freedom that he has brought to me that we don't have to live in our shame and condemnation because we make his name known when we're willing to share the messiness of our lives. And so God has just kind of taken that into podcasting, which has been a really cool experience.
And he's really blessed that, and then now I'm speaking at churches and I'm doing courses and things like that. So. Long story long. [00:09:00] That's how I jumped in.
Michael Lee: [00:09:01] Thank you so much for your openness and just sharing your story. And you talked about how you went heavy, fast, and so let's just stay there for a second.
If we can. What would you say to the woman who is struggling with her sense of worth now, or she feels filthy because of her past or even. She's gone through something similar to what you just described. And maybe she hasn't told anyone, maybe she's just quietly hurting and nobody knows. What would you say to that person?
Lindsey Maestas: [00:09:30] Sure. So second Corinthians five 17 is my go-to verse and it has been since the beginning. Um, once Jesus saved me, I just clung to it. And it says in Christ, you are a new creation, old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. And for me, I cleaned to that because I, I can rejoice in the fact that every single morning I'm waking up in God's mercies are new, as he says in Lamentations that his mercies are new every single morning.
And I can cling to [00:10:00] that. So that means I don't have to be the person that I was years ago. It doesn't have, I don't have to be the person that I was yesterday because I am redeemed in him. And he sees me, God sees me covered by the blood. And so. I would just encourage them. You know, one of the biggest blessings of my life is this podcast because it's kind of like a journal for me, but it also gives me the ability to tell people my story.
And I believe that if you don't tell your story, if we keep it in, if we feel shame and guilt and allow the enemy to have that foothold on us, because the Bible says there's no condemnation in Christ Jesus. So if we are truly living in the freedom he's given us, we can say, you know what? That is not who I am anymore.
I saw a quote. I can't remember who posted it. Maybe Christine Kane. But she said something along the lines of, if you try to bring up, she said, if you try to bring up who I used to be. It holds no weight over me. I don't live there anymore. I don't live in that house anymore. That isn't who I am. [00:11:00] And that's where I am.
I'm like, gosh, I am so different by the grace of God. And not that I don't struggle. I mean, those struggles have obviously been carried over into my marriage and the way of relationships don't just disappear. Right. We, I still have dreams about these people that I don't even think about anymore, but the enemy uses my past to put a hold on me.
And so it's what we do. It's how we respond to the weight of that shame and that guilt are we freeing ourselves from the burden by giving it over to the Lord. He says he carries our heavy burden. So am I handing that over to him and saying, Lord, yeah, I made a lot of bad decisions and I gave away my heart and my body.
To men and it was weighty and hard. And I don't want that to be a part of my marriage, but it's a part of the consequences of my sin. What am I going to do with that? Am I going to hold it in and just allow myself to sit in the shame and the guilt and the regret? No, [00:12:00] because that's not where Christ has me.
That's not what he's called me to. He says in Christ, you're a new creation that does not have to be you anymore. Um, and in regards to rape or molestation or abuse of any kind, that is, that is a healing process. But I will say that I believe truly. And I've seen this in my own life. The enemy loses his power when our sin is in the light and or when our struggle is in the light, because of course rape and abuse is not sin, but when are our hurt or the pain, or if it is sin, when those things are put in the light, the enemy loses his power.
And the more I speak about this, you'll see, I'm not. Overly emotional. Some days it's harder than others to have these conversations, depending how detailed I get about the situation, but ultimately I don't live there anymore. And that's only because every single time I've talked about this, it has helped the healing process.
It has brought freedom to other women. And some men, which has allowed me the opportunity [00:13:00] just to, just to witness growth in my life, but also to witness the growth in other people and see how the Lord works in them. When they hear that they're not alone in the story. And a lot of people are so afraid. Of sharing openly because they think they're going to be judged.
But the reality is is that there are thousands of people who have gone through what you've gone through, who have faced what you've done, what you face and who have made decisions. Like the decisions that you've made. You are not your history. You are not your mess. God has redeemed that. And, and when I chose that, To, um, and I say chose that because I fought for a really long time against Christianity.
I, my mom was a Christian and she'd given me my Bible and I would throw it across the room and say, I don't want anything to do with your fairytale God, but yet I would go and I would study Scientology. I would study Buddhism. I would read all the self-help books. I wanted something to fill that hole in my heart, that [00:14:00] I was so longing to fill and I wanted nothing to do with Jesus.
And it's so interesting how. I had that. I don't know. I would even say hatred. Toward the God of the Bible at the time, because I knew, you know, as soon as you let that in, he's going to change your heart. But I spent so much time trying to change my own heart and change my own patterns and habits and ways of going from boyfriend to boyfriend and having another guy on, on speed dial basically in case something went wrong in my current relationship, because I was so afraid of being alone.
And as soon as I finally said, okay, Lord, I've tried everything. I'm walking down this main road in a skimpy dress in the rain, going to some guy's house that I want actually nothing to do with, but I just don't want to be by myself in that moment. I was like, God, I, I have nowhere else to turn. And I think we do that.
We spend so much time trying to fill our lives with these empty things, these idols of [00:15:00] alcohol and drugs and sex, and, or even success and money and satisfaction. The people who do very well for themselves often fill those things, fill their lives with those things that, that we see as good things. But when they become God things, they become empty things and disastrous things.
So, as I realized, I said, Lord, I can't do this on my own anymore. And I don't know what a life with you looks like. But I want something different. I want to start over. I don't want to sleep around anymore. I want to be pure for my husband and my husband, Jesse, and I did end up waiting and I share that story on the living easy podcast as well, but we have had to walk through that.
But in that moment, I didn't feel like I had to be this woman anymore. That was defined by. My rape, who was defined by sleeping around, who was defined by co-dependency all of these things, because God says, no, I have a new identity for you. You are Lindsey in me, and I love you. And you are pure [00:16:00] and you were white as snow.
And I embraced that wholeheartedly. I mean, I, there was nothing more beautiful and freeing to me and still to this day in my life than having that sense of. Gosh, this, you don't have to be defined by your history anymore. And so for those women who are struggling, I would say, speak out, tell people, you know, you are not alone.
There are so many resources now, podcasts and, um, hotlines and all of that, where you can talk to someone. And go to friends and family and tell them your story because you are not there anymore. You know, if you have surrendered your life to Jesus, you have the freedom to, to move forward. And to know that you are weak, you will always be weak, but that's why we need a savior.
He is our savior and he is strong within our weakness.
Michael Lee: [00:16:51] That's such a good answer. I love how you talk about our identity in Christ. And, and really, I think about our mind really is the devil's playground. [00:17:00] He loves to do damage in our mind, and that's why scripture tells us that we have to take every thought captive.
You talked about postpartum anxiety, and I know that's something that my wife has dealt with. And I know so many women that deal with that. Could you talk a little bit more about how that affected you and what did God teach you through that?
Lindsey Maestas: [00:17:18] Oh, gosh. Yes. I mean, it was the most difficult thing, um, because I was a first time mom and I had never dealt with anxiety before.
I kind of honestly disregarded it when people talked about it, which now I feel so bad about, because it is so real. And in the first few days, Of having my son actually the first few months, really, anytime my husband needed to leave for work in the morning, because he was able to stay home with me for a while, I would feel this overwhelming weight and I wouldn't be able to sleep.
And I was panicking. I had actual panic attacks where I couldn't breathe. I remember having moments where I would ask Jessie, can you [00:18:00] come and just like, squeeze me as tightly as you can. Cause I feel like my heart is going to physically break out of my chest. And he would like strangle me as hard as he could, because I just wanted that feeling to go away and to ease for a little while I struggled with not even being able to hold Sutton, who is my oldest, I, I wanted to, I would nurse him and I would lay him right back down and I feared him waking up.
And I didn't know where that fear was stemming from. I didn't know what caused that. I just, I didn't want, I wanted him around, like, I, I would protect him with my life, but I had no connection to him whatsoever. And I actually have two episodes on the living easy podcast about postpartum psychosis. Where a friend that I spoke with, she actually had postpartum psychosis, which caused a mental breakdown.
And so anxiety is not even the end all be all of it or depression. It can escalate and get worse. So I always tell women, go and talk to a [00:19:00] doctor, tell them even if they try to dismiss you, whatever it say, I would like something to help with this because I don't want. Anything to do with my baby, or I just feel this constant panic and some examples of that.
Like I could not put Sutton in a car seat because I was afraid of breaking his bones. I, I was terrified. And in my head, I'm thinking, gosh, you are the worst mom ever. Lindsay, you really have no idea what you're doing. And not that I babysat much when I grew up or anything. So these were kind of valid thoughts.
I didn't really know much about having kids, but I knew I wanted to be a good mom. I knew that God had called me to be a mother. I knew that my pregnancy was so special to me and like very sacred time for me. And so why was this also different? So as I navigated through that and. Again, finally started speaking out about it to friends.
I mean, six months later, they said these two friends who I was with, they said, Lindsay, you have severe postpartum anxiety. And I just remember breaking down in tears because [00:20:00] I had felt like every day was like getting hit by a bus because not only was I spiritually being attacked, I was emotionally being attacked.
I felt like, and of course my husband is thinking, what is wrong with this woman? He would never have said that, but he's probably thinking she was not fit to be a mom. Because I wasn't expressing that I had anxiety. And for some reason we weren't connecting the dots. I was just not wanting anything to do with my kid.
So as I navigate through that, once I was told you have anxiety. Then I D I didn't ever end up getting on medication because as soon as that revelation happened, it kind of started weaning off a little bit. Nursing was something that caused a lot of that anxiety. So I stopped doing that and they gave formula and I let the guilt rush over me, which there's no reason for any moms to feel guilty for feeding your child in the best way that you need to feed your child.
And so that had helped with the situation a lot as I started progressing, but that has been a conversation. There's so many women. Who truly [00:21:00] struggle with postpartum anxiety and depression, and they never get help. They never talk about it because they feel shamed and guilty. And it's another thing to say, guys, I am struggling in the moment I started talking to all my mom, friends and mom groups about it.
All of them were like, Oh my gosh, I feel that too. I never wanted to say it. And it's a stigma and it should not be a stigma because you have no control over it. So I prayed, you know, and I tried, I would, I tell people if I, if I could have prayed away anxiety and depression, if I could have read the Bible away, you know, anxiety and depression, or however you would say that.
If I could have done anything in my works or in my spirit spiritual life to get rid of that anxiety, it would have been gone because I was on my face and my knees every day, like Lord remove this from me. And it was an imbalance, you know, and it's the most wild thing, Michael, because when I had my second baby, um, it was [00:22:00] immediately removed from me.
And I think that it was hormone balance or if it was the Lord, whatever, because ever since I had my son first child, I was constantly anxious and depressed. It was never, it just didn't go away. And it was two and a half years of that. And the second I had my son Saxon. My husband even said it was the most.
Wild experience to see your delivery and to see your personality shift in the next 24 hours completely. And I would not say that this happens to a lot of women or whatever did happen. It w if it was the Lord or if it was hormonal, um, but from that day, I really have not battled with anxiety. And I thought I would never be able to say that.
And so. I would say continue praying. Yes. Continue seeking the Lord. He can do all things and, and trust him in that. But also it's okay to seek help. It's okay. To, to have a counselor. I'm all about Christian counseling and pursuing that [00:23:00] because it is not something that you're meant to face on your own.
Michael Lee: [00:23:04] Yeah. And we'll obviously, we're going to link your show and your blog and website on our show notes. So people can find those episodes. You mentioned on postpartum anxiety, as well as anything else that they want to listen to, but you kind of hit on some of these follow-up questions. So I want to ask you this and if you've already answered it, you can just tell me that.
But I love asking, I ask every guest this, what is your favorite story about your life that you love to tell?
Lindsey Maestas: [00:23:28] Probably my story about with my husband, Jesse. Now we've been married nine years. We've been best friends for 12 years. So we were really close. And I think for me, this is more of a story for people who really struggle with the idea of waiting for marriage and, and also just not knowing where their spouse is or where their husband or wife might be right now.
Or if they're ever going to get married one, I would say. With my husband, we were friends for three years, very close friends, and I had no interest in him. And [00:24:00] he was such a good, is such a good man. And he pursued me. He did romantic gestures. He really cared for me as a friend, but also didn't give up. And he had told his family, which I found out later that shortly after we met, he told his family, I met my wife and I'm going to marry her.
And so from that point on. He felt so sure that God had called me to be his wife, even though I was not interested in dating him, I was not attracted to him. I was, it was just not a thing for me. And he continued to pursue me. He continued to show up in my life. He continued to be an open book. And I had never even sought out that kind of respect before.
I didn't know. It existed to have someone who was, he was waiting, you know, he was not pushy. He was not overbearing in any way, but he continued to just be present in my life. And it was so just humbling for me to have someone who cared enough about me to [00:25:00] do that when I wasn't sleeping with him or when I wasn't giving him anything really in return, he would ask me on dates and I'd bring all my stuff.
You're like, yeah, sure. Like we're all going to come and hang out because I just wasn't interested in that way. But then there was one day where I saw him teaching at a youth group and God softened my heart and it was just the timing of it. And I, I like to share that because I think that we so often think that in our timing, we need to rush these things.
We need to say, okay, this is, this is my fit. Or we settle in really damaging relationships because we feel like, okay, then I'm going to have to start all over. And I'm already 30 years old or. However old, but I always ask the question. Would you rather be 30 years old and on the brink and married, but on the brink of divorce or very unhappily married, or would you rather be thirty-five and happily married for the rest of your life?
Don't rush it. Give yourself time, but also find a man who will respect and honor you. Um, I remember one conversation with Jesse where. We were talking and I'd asked him a [00:26:00] question about something that maybe like social media had brought up that made me feel uncomfortable or confused about something.
And we were not even dating at this time. I think we were just starting to talk, but he had told me, Lindsey, my life is an open book to you. I am a glass house. And anything that you want to know is yours to know my life is fully accessible to you. You want my phone? Have it, look through it, you know? Um, you want my computer look here?
Like there was no sense of. Hiding in him. He didn't, he wasn't a secretive person and everyone I had dated had cheated on me or I had cheated on them or it, my whole high school college. Time and experience was filled with secret secrets, you know? And so for me to have a man who was still young, but such a man in his character and integrity was so encouraging to me.
And so I remind women, not every husband is going to be like this. Not every person will have that. Exactly. They're going to have other [00:27:00] great characteristics, but everything is magnified in marriage. And so be aware of those things of those small things that you see because red flags will remain red flags in marriage.
And the beautiful things will continue to grow in your marriage, um, from dating. And so. Just be aware of that, but he was willing to respect me. And so for single girls or guys, you know, just having him after sharing my story, I told him everything about my past. I didn't hide anything from him either. And it was a hard conversation to have, of course, because I didn't want him to leave or be afraid or ashamed of me.
And he wasn't. And he fought for that parody when we were engaged in dating, um, we didn't sleep together and it was really hard for me because coming from these relationships where I felt the need to give myself, give my body in order to be wanted, I, in order to be loved, I felt like he wasn't loving me.
I was like, you don't want me, you're not attracted to me. Or, and he would tell me it's the absolute opposite. Like [00:28:00] I want to honor God from the beginning of this relationship. I want to honor you and your body and your mind, and I'm not going to give in to that. I know you think you want it, but you don't want it.
You're going to be broken and sad. If you fall into that sexual sin, I know what you want, and I'm going to honor that and I'm going to fight for it. And sometimes that meant kicking me out of his house. Later at night and being like, Hey, you need to go, it's getting too late. Or, I mean, at one point we finally decided to not even be alone at all while we were dating and engaged, because it was just too hard.
And so we would do group dates or hang out or be around family. And we'll say it was the it's so bizarre to the world, you know, but having tasted both, having tasted the premise acuity and having tasted the purity. I will say that our relationship, I believe now is as strong as it is and as wonderful, like, I really love my marriage and I believe Jesse really loves his marriage.
And I think that it is the way that it is because we weren't reliant upon the crutch of [00:29:00] sexuality, the crutch of. Of intimacy when we got bored or when we got frustrated or, you know, we didn't just relapse back into like, okay, well we'll just be intimate and get over it. We were forced to really talk about things and to learn how to communicate healthfully and to have, you know, a very strong foundation of what it meant to, to work through the hard things.
And it has blessed our marriage. Not that we've not had issues. You guys, Holy cow, we've had our fair share of struggles, but we've come to a place. Where our communication, I believe is one of the strongest aspects of our marriage. And I think a lot of that was from the beginning, not having those secrets, not having anything hidden, um, working through the really hard stuff, telling our stories and the things that we didn't want to know, but also respecting one another and caring enough about one another to not.
I guess I would say to fight the temptation, to allow those things back in, you know, to say, [00:30:00] no, God has made us new and we're going to continue living as if we're new. And when those things seep in, as they do, we're going to work through them and talk about them. And when I have a dream about an ex or when I'm tempted, like what if, you know, what if I had married someone else or I'm really struggling with feeling like this guy who gave me attention?
I've thought about him all day today, not today, but you know what I mean? Like on a day where that happened, I will communicate that to Jesse and we, we call it overcompensating, you know, because as soon as you allow, just like you were saying, Michael, when we allow the enemy to get a foothold, we're not taking our thoughts captive.
We're not guarding our heart. And I have to take those thoughts captive, immediately, invite speaking them out and putting them in the light. It really helps us. And of course, we've come to a place of understanding with one another where we feel like. Okay. We we've got to work through this. And I explained to Jesse, as he explained to me, this is not personal, just because I'm struggling with this.
It has nothing to do with you. Or in moments when I am feeling like he's being distant [00:31:00] or I'm feeling lonely, I will communicate that with him and say, but I don't want this. I don't want someone else. I don't want something better. I want you and for us to continue to grow, but we're going to have to work through some of these things because I am being tempted and.
I'm not blaming you because I think we so often blame shift on our spouse for our responses and reactions and sin. But I am saying, Hey, here's something you could do to help me to not struggle with this. So I think for me, that's where I focus so much on marriage, on the living easy podcast, because I am so passionate about healthy marriages.
And I think that while we have gone through a lot of struggles with, even with trust in spite of everything that we've gone on, because of my past that we're able to communicate. And I just believe that there are. Tools and ways, and that God can redeem all things. So there's a path for healthier relationships, but you do have to fight hard for it.
So that would be my story, I guess. That's my favorite.
Michael Lee: [00:31:57] Thank you. Every guy listening, who [00:32:00] has been rejected by the love of his life to get back on the horse and try again, let's stay in this marriage, uh, arena for a second. What would you say to the person who's listening right now? Man or woman who is just there feeling so much weight in their marriage.
It's not where it should be a struggling. What would be your go-to advice? Oh
Lindsey Maestas: [00:32:21] man. Um, so I do have a course called the wife project. So this is just for wives, but Jesse and I are gonna work on one together, the wife project. It's it. It's going to be probably finished launching by the time this airs, because it's only open for a short time, but I will be launching again in June.
So you can follow me on, um, at living easy with Lindsay on Instagram. And you can find that in the show notes, like Michael said, but it's a 10 hour course where I am talking about everything. Cause it's really hard to kind of pinpoint that one thing, but I'm talking to wives and. Here's the reason that I do that a lot of wives don't like that they get kind of frustrated.
Um, but I think [00:33:00] that there and there needs to be more conversations to men as well, but I am in a position where most of my audience is women. And I have a lot of wives who are struggling in their marriage or feeling lonely, or they just want to become more of a godly wife. And so throughout that course, it is one where your husband could absolutely listen and gain.
I believe just as much from it, but sometimes we spend a lot of time blame shifting. Um, I do post like reels on Instagram and videos where if I'm ever talking to a wife, the immediate response is, yeah, but if my husband didn't do this, I wouldn't do this. And I think we use our spouses as a scapegoat to justify our own behavior where a marriage should be 100%, 100%, not 50 50, because then we're meeting the status quota of, you know, I'm, I'm just filling the quota ultimately of what I should be doing.
And then he needs to do the other half or she does. But realistically God's called us to do all things with excellence. And so we should be giving 100% of ourselves to the marriage and [00:34:00] not using the other person's excuses or the other person's sin or the other person's lack of faith to justify our own.
And so I would just, I guess that would be my greatest encouragement is your relationship with Jesus. Is everything that the design of marriage is interwoven into the design of creation. And our marriage is an example of Christ and his love for the church. So are we honoring and respecting our spouses?
Are we loving our spouses in the way that God has called us to, to love them as our own body? It is. It's a high calling, especially when the other person is not giving that back. Right. Because we feel. Like we deserve better. We feel like the grass is greener on the other side and maybe it is, but you're not called to be looking at the other grass.
You're called to be watering that grass and pouring in. And of course I'm not talking about abuse. Okay. That is a completely different situation. And I always encourage people to get help immediately. Talk to someone call nine one one, because it is very prevalent in our [00:35:00] society and not discussed enough or dealt with enough, but what I'm referring to are quirks or frustrations or patterns or chores around the house, you know, parenting styles that you don't disagree with, or that you don't agree with.
I'm sorry that you feel the need to then kind of check out. Or you feel the need to criticize and nag and agitate. And this can be husbands and wives, both where you're not happy. And so you check out, you numb out or you are constantly mothering or fathering your spouse. And both of those are so damaging to any relationship, but the Bible says, do all things, no matter what you do in word or deed, do all things to the glory of God.
So am I living out my marriage to the glory of God? Am I living out my faith in such a way that the love of Jesus, the forgiveness of Jesus, the grace of Jesus has no choice, but to pour out over and onto my spouse. Whether they deserve it or not, it is not about them deserving. It, you are not going to go to heaven, [00:36:00] holding the hand of your spouse.
You are not going to go to heaven on their back. You know, you're walking into those Gates alone. Will you hear well done? My good and faithful servant in all of the roles that God has given you. And of course, it's not about. Works, right. It's not about, you know, am I doing enough? It is about, am I staying so close to Jesus?
Am I do I know him so deeply that he is what pours out of my heart, because I think he's really easy to say. You know, I'm a great person around my neighbor. I'm a great person around my acquaintance or people at my work because they're with you for such a limited time. But I believe who you are, who you really are, is the person that you are within the four walls of your home.
Are you proud of that person? Are you truly seeking the Lord? Are you spitting off some verses here and there? You know, and this challenge is me and the work that I do. Am I genuinely deeply engaged with Jesus day in and day out. Or am I just [00:37:00] talking and going through the motions? That is not what he's called me to.
I don't want to lukewarm faith. He says the Bible says he spits us out of his mouth. If we're lukewarm and not passionate for the Lord. So am I deeply in a relationship with him so much so that my spouse sees that I'm in first, Peter three talks about that to live in a conduct, to live in such a way as a wife, that your husband has no choice, but to I'm butchering this, but this is just how I say it, but that your husband has no choice, but to see the love and the goodness of the Lord through you, without you even speaking a word, it is by the way that you live in the same for husbands, can your wife see the love of the Lord?
So deeply within your heart, that she has no choice without you even saying anything, the way that you serve her, the way that you love her, the way that you pour into her. Is that a very real thing or is it all surface level actions that, that don't have a pure heart behind it or a giving heart behind it?
Are you just doing it because you feel like you have to where you're doing [00:38:00] it because you have the Holy spirit within you. And I think it challenges us to focus in on our own faith. Are you digging in, are you leading your home as a man? Are you helping your husband as a woman? And these are like really rough terms in our world right now, but it is such a beautiful design because if it's done the right way.
The Lord is pouring into that marriage as the ultimate head of the household. And then he's pouring into a husband and, and the calling in Ephesians five is for a man to love his wife as his own body, to give himself up for her, to love her as Christ loved the church. And then in that he's leading her through and in that love.
And then she is submitting and following him as a man who only wants good for his wife and for his family. I am proud to follow my husband, to submit to my husband and areas. Do I have a say in our home? Absolutely. But the order or the design that God has created for the home is that of God. First husband [00:39:00] is the head and the wife is, I call it, say the neck, you know, we turn the head whichever way we want it to go.
We help, we give insight. We, we share. But ultimately I feel freedom that my husband makes sense decisions. You know, that some of those decisions are not mine to carry. And that God has given him the ability to do so. And does he seek my insight? Always we make decisions together, but he is the one. He knows that he's responsible as the head of the home to care for our home and to lead and to guide us.
And I'm thankful for that guidance. And so allowing that created order to be a part of your household. Will allow for a more, um, fruitful, free joyful marriage, because it's the way that God has designed it. And so I wish that the world would, you know, shift their perspective a little bit on this because it's seen as such a negative thing, especially in feminist culture.
But I would say that if a feminist walked into my house and told me, Hey, Lindsay, you can be free from this. You can be free from the [00:40:00] leadership of your husband. I would say, Oh my gosh, I don't want to be, you know, I am like, I'm, I'm happy. And I truly like, I don't, I feel like it would be more of a burden to live differently where my husband and I.
Are constantly butting heads or doing whatever. And I mean, this is coming from a woman who has her own successful business that could take care of my household. And I don't say that in a boastful way. I say it because I, I have been so supported by my husband and pushed forward by my husband, that I've been able to create something of my own that's mine.
And he has his own business as well. And we push one another along like we were our one another's biggest supporters and cheerleaders. And that is because we've really allowed for the design that God has created to seep into our home. Not without fault. We are messy just as any other couple. But just in working through that and seeing, okay, God, God knows what he's talking about.
You know, he has this guideline for our homes in our lives, and it is a [00:41:00] beautiful gift that we spend so much time fighting against. But if we would allow it to shape and mold the way that our home flows, we would find so much more joy and freedom in that.
Michael Lee: [00:41:11] I love that you talked about the feminists coming and saying, you could be free of this, but it really it's
the world just has this misunderstanding that what God has created and how he's ordered things is restrictive, but really true freedom is found within the confines of how he's ordered things. And so you could almost turn that right around on them and say, no, you could be free. Yeah. You could find freedom.
If you just did it God's way. So I love that answer. Thank you for sharing that. If you were in my shoes, this is my favorite question. I ask this. Every guest is also the toughest question. So I'll warn you. If you were in my shoes and you're sitting down and you are interviewing Lindsey, what is a question you would ask?
Lindsey Maestas: [00:41:51] Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. That is a really good question. I would ask why, why do you [00:42:00] always say nothing changes? If nothing changes. I read this book years ago when I was first saved by Francis Chan called crazy love. And it is a book I've read over and over and over again because it calls us out of that lukewarm faith.
And I highly recommend it. He, throughout the book, he kind of goes through different topics like money and relationship and things like that and what God calls us to. And I believe we, as a society, have a tendency to listen to podcasts, to read books, to do all these things, and we don't actually implement anything into our lives.
And that's part of the wife project as well. I do a whole, I'm a created a whole wife project journal, 55 plus pages of marriage challenges and memory verses and journaling questions to get to the deep seated issues in your heart and your marriage. Because I don't want people to go through the course. I don't want people to listen to my podcast.
And Michael, I'm sure you feel the same. You don't want people to just listen and move along. Like [00:43:00] nothing has changed. We are in an day and age where we are blessed with abundant resources. We have everything at our fingertips, not to mention freedom to read the Bible anytime in anywhere that we want, where other countries still don't have those luxuries.
And we take advantage of it in so many ways because we just we're consumers. We go to church on Sundays, we consume, we don't pour in. We don't serve, we don't tie. We don't give which God calls us to do all of those things. To be a part of the body of Christ. You are not created as a Christian, as a human being, to be a consumer.
So you need to fight for change in your own life. You need to, you know, we, we kind of leave the opportunity for the gospel to be shared to other people, right? Like that's their job. The, the opportunity to fight for their marriage. That's their job. But no, you, you listener are called to make disciples. You are called to share the gospel in both word and truth, indeed.
[00:44:00] And I think that we can become so used to being given things free content that we then live in a place where we feel entitled to all of that. And, and I've seen this, you know, even with my ministry to where people feel like they have earned and they deserve the content you provide. And I love giving it, I will not stop giving it.
I enjoy it. But a part of me is like, Hey, you have so many tools at your fingertips. You have so many resources. What are you doing with what God has given you? Are you using your gifts? Are you being obedient to the calling that he has on your life or. Are you stagnant and complacent and lukewarm. And living a life or are you out sharing the gospel, showing the love of Jesus to people actually loving your neighbor?
Are you walking in your garage and shutting the garage right behind you? Or are you opening your doors and your homes to your neighbors for dinner to sit around your dinner table? Are [00:45:00] we loving as Jesus loved? Are we sitting with sinners instead of judging centers? Um, condemning them on Facebook and social media.
I believe that nothing changes if nothing changes and you can want so much for your life, you can want the good and want the beautiful marriage and want the healthy home and want to break generational cycles. But none of that is going to happen. If you continue to be a victim of your circumstances, or if you continue to be a consumer.
Because we are not responsible for our circumstances. You are not responsible for the way that you grew up and how your parents treated you or how you were bullied or treated, but you are responsible for how you respond to that now. And what you do with that. Are you going to allow God to comfort you in that so that you can comfort others in your pain and your hardship?
Or are you going to sit as a victim of your circumstances? I mean, I know that's a hard question and I know from a girl who's gone through rape, you know, I had to make a choice at one point, am I going to live here? [00:46:00] Am I going to be consumed by the thoughts of what he did and how he treated me afterwards and the neglect of the situation as a whole, or am I going to allow that brokenness to be made like God says from ashes to beauty, to where I can then share my story and respond to it and am I going to choose to forgive him?
And I have, you know, I pray for him. I pray for his family. I pray for blessings upon his life. And for God to save him and to save his family and, and to love him, you know? And is that from me? Absolutely not. That's from the Lord, but that took work and effort and not to boast in myself or my efforts, because again, that was fully the Holy spirit, nothing in my flesh wanted to forgive this man who did this to me.
But it's responding to the OBD, responding to the conviction with obedience and saying, okay, Lord, like you've called me to Moore. You've called me to live above reproach. You've called me to be a light set on a Hill. So am I doing that? Am I actually pouring forth? What I say that I believe? Or am I [00:47:00] consuming every Sunday consuming podcasts?
And then moving along with my life as if nothing has changed, you have to live out an active faith in order for. The work of God to be poured out through you. Yes. You're not saved by works. You are saved by faith in grace alone, but. God has also called you to live a life that is honoring to him. And that is not living like the world, which consumes and they want instantaneous everything.
They want everything fixed for them. You have to start making the changes on your own. And I think a huge, awesome, um, Avenue to do that is through counseling, you know, to begin to process through your struggles, to process through your gifts and to start making changes on your own. So I think that is kind of, that's like the heart behind my podcast.
And so that is why I I'm very passionate about, you know, really working in our own lives too. To allow growth.
Michael Lee: [00:47:58] Lindsay. I know we are out [00:48:00] of time, but I have one more question. I want to ask you if I can. Sure. Knowing that this is the only time you'll ever have this audience, hearing your voice, this particular audience, what is one big encouragement?
What's one big plea. When it comes to anything at all, could be their walk with the Lord. What is that one piece of encouragement you would give?
Lindsey Maestas: [00:48:19] I think I would just say you're not stuck. I think we feel so stuck in our lives and our marriages in our Parenthood, in our jobs. And. I think that's one of the greatest lies of the enemy, because one of the things that we often do is fill our lives with so many distractions.
You wake up in the morning, you scroll your phone instead of opening your Bible, you know, instead of kissing your spouse and saying good morning, like we we're so consumed with distraction and. That keeps us stuck because when we there's a book that I'm reading right now. Oh my gosh, it is so good. And I highly recommend it.
It's called the ruthless elimination of hurry. And he talks about how, um, I think Corrie [00:49:00] 10 boom said if the devil can't cause you to sin he'll cause you to be busy or something like that. I can't remember exactly how it was at. And it's so true. We're so distracted by this world. We stay in this state, this constant perpetual state of rush and hurry that we don't have time to read the word or we don't give ourselves time.
We don't have time to sit and reflect on life. And I think that's what 2020 did for a lot of people. And I think that's one of the good things that came out of such a disastrous year is the time to think about what people wanted. And I've seen a lot of businesses come from that. And a lot of life changes and a lot of people quitting their jobs and a lot of people working on their marriages because they've had time to reflect.
And so I would just say you aren't stuck in your way of life. You aren't stuck in who you are. You can live in abundant life for the glory of God, by his grace, by sitting and allowing yourself to reflect. So, yeah. Fight the temptation to be so busy all the time, fight the temptation to fill [00:50:00] your board boredom with scrolling, allow yourself to be bored because it's in those moments where we grow, where it might feel uncomfortable to think through how you treated your spouse that day.
To think through, you know, do I actually like this job? Am I settling? Yes. I may feel obligated to stay in it because of finances, but could I start looking for something different? Could I move forward in my life? We only have this one life to honor the Lord. Am I being faithful to what he's called me to?
And I just. I just challenge you and encourage you. You know, you are not stuck in the behaviors that you've created. You're not stuck in your patterns. You're not stuck in the mess that maybe you've made or others have made of your life. Because God redeems all things. And again, in Christ, you're a new creation, old things have passed away.
Behold, all things have become new. And sometimes we get stuck in these patterns where we feel like it's the only way. And I just think that's one of the greatest lies of the enemy, because God has so much more and not, I'm not [00:51:00] preaching prosperity gospel that he wants you to be rich and wealthy and healthy.
All that Jesus was the opposite of those things. But I'm saying that if he has given you a calling and you're stifling that, and you're not being obedient, then you're going to remain stuck. But spend time hearing him spend time in prayer, spend time in his word, like real. Genuine time, just getting to know his heart for you and listen to that and listen to that voice and respond to it and allow yourself to experience the fruit and the abundance of a free life.
Because we are in freedom when we're with the Lord, but we're in bondage when we're living in the way of the enemy, which is busy and rushed and overwhelmed and stressed. And it's just not the design that God has. There's a reason he commands a Sabbath day. So shut off your phone. Truly 24 hours a week, shut off your phone and be present Lee, any apps that are tempting to you and just live in the, now I have an episode, I have two, one called [00:52:00] social media, heart check, and one called six ways.
Your phone changes you. And they're two of my most popular episodes. Um, and it's a challenge. It's a challenge for you to slow down and to just kind of shut out what the world tells you that you need and live as God calls us to Lindsay.
Michael Lee: [00:52:14] Thank you so much for your time today. I appreciate you joining us.
Sure thanks for having me. Absolutely. Would you mind praying out as we close the show? Yeah, sure.
Lindsey Maestas: [00:52:23] Do you heavenly father, I just thank you so much for this time. Thank you. Um, that you can move myself and Michael away from all of this and just speak through the Holy spirit to other people. Father, I pray that you will move in their hearts to make changes in their lives, to seek your face, to pursue you, to worship you above all else.
To break those idols. Lord, we know that you call us two good things, father, but those good things are like so often become. Damaging to our souls. They become soul sucking and life sucking. And so I pray that for our listeners today that you'll remove the temptation for them to [00:53:00] live in a place that is not intended for them.
Father, I pray that you will allow them to experience the true freedom from bondage that you offer through your salvation and redemption Lord that they don't have to live in their brokenness anymore. They don't have to live in their shame anymore. God, you are a good God. It is in your character to be good.
And we just, I pray that Lord, that the listeners today will see that in you, that they will not be angry with you, that they will not have a hard heart against you Lord, but that you will soften them. You will cause them. Um, just to see the, the beauty of who you are, the freedom in who you are and remove the bondage of sin and of shame and of regret from their lives.
Thank you so much for that sharper together podcasts. Lord, I pray that you put your hand upon it and bless it for your glory father. And we love you in this. Precious name
Michael Lee: [00:53:55] thanks so much for tuning into today's episode of the sharper together podcast. If you want to hear [00:54:00] more incredible conversations, just like this, please make sure to subscribe to the sharper together podcast on your favorite listening device, you'll receive each episode downloaded directly to you. So you never miss a show.
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