The Strangest Thing I’ve Ever Shipped

http://www.JoshuaPWarren.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm Joshua P. Warren, and this is the strangest thing I have ever shipped. I turned forty six years old the other day, and my doctor said, Well, it's now time to do some new tests. We can take this plumber's snake cam here and shove it up your ass, or you can poop in a bucket. That's how he worded it. He said, poop in a bucket. So I said, Well, that's the easiest question I've ever been asked. I'll take option number two, please. So the uh poop in a bucket company called me and said it was going to be about five hundred dollars for this, and they gave me all the instructions, and right thereafter I got their test kit in the mail. I won't go into all the details, but there were a lot of very particular instructions. And once you're done, it has to be sent back quickly in a certain way through UPS on certain days so it's not delayed by UPS and so on. So when I was done and everything was properly sealed up, I asked my wife, Lauren, to please take this box to the local UPS store. And Lauren said, I'm not taking a box of shit into the UPS store. And I said, Are you serious? And she said, Yes, I'm not taking a box of shit into the UPS store. So I let this sink in for a moment and I said, okay, for one thing, nobody knows what's in the box. Yes, there is a company name, but there is no description of the contents other than the fact that it actually does say human specimen, but you know, that could be anything. But I mean, furthermore, it's not like we're friends with the people at the UPS store or something. This is just a random store. You walk in as a random person and everything is prepaid. You just drop it off and then walk out the door. And lastly, these folks at the UPS store are professionals. They probably see boxes of human shit dropped off all the time, and God knows what else. So it's it's probably not even a big deal if they know what's in the box. So anyway, I tell her all this, and she still says, No, I'm not taking your box of human shit into the UPS store. I don't know why she had to say human. But anyway, I'm like, all right, fine, okay, let's go out and have lunch, and I'll drop this off. I will go in and drop this off at the UPS store. So, like 45 minutes later, on a nice sunny, breezy day, we swing by the UPS store. I've never been there before. She's never been there before. I walked inside by myself, and there's this young dude sitting there, you know, like messing around on his phone, and I said, Hi, this is prepaid. Do I just drop this off here? And he says, Uh, yes, that's fine, unless you need a receipt. And I was like, Nope, I'm good. And just as I was about to walk out, he said, Hey, is this a box of shit? And I couldn't believe it. For one thing, that's probably the most unprofessional language I've heard from an employee in that kind of situation. But secondly, I was just kind of amazed that he immediately knew what was happening. And I said, Well, uh well, yes, it is. Uh, but it's a medical sample. I mean, I didn't want him to think I was just sending off a box of shit for recreational purposes or revenge or something like that. And he goes, Oh, okay, cool. And went back to his phone. And then I just walked out and got in the car, and that was that. So, the moral of this story is if you ever have to send a box of shit, don't sweat it. Nobody really gives a shit. If you want to hear more weird stories like this, go explore my website, joshua p.com.