#27 - Gaining Confidence in Nervous Situations with Rob Temple

In this episode of the Morning Upgrade podcast I talk with Rob Temple about his hypnosis background, gaining confidence in nervous situations, removing resistance and more. 

Transcript

Ryan

Hey guys, it's Ryan real quick. So my mission with the morning upgrade blog and podcast is to raise the awareness of morning routines and personal development. And I now have two products that are also helped me with this mission. The first product helps you start a 20 minute morning routine. And the second product is a book that outlines how to use personal development upgrade your life and business. You can get full details on both products over at morning upgrade.com. Thanks for letting me share and now on to the show.

Announcer

Welcome to the Morning upgrade podcast with Ryan cote where we feature casual conversations with entrepreneurs about personal development and growth.

Ryan

Hey, everyone, this is Ryan cote with the morning upgrade podcast today. I'm super excited to be speaking with Rob temple. Hey, Rob. Hey, how's it going? It's going great. How about you?

Rob

Yeah, really good. Excited to be here and talk about this stuff?

Ryan

Yeah, absolutely. Let's let's dive in. Why don't you tell everyone what you do? And then what you enjoy doing?

Rob

Yeah, sure. So I have a little bit of a weird mix of life. For the past 17 years, I've been working professionally as a stage hypnotist traveling lucky enough to travel all over the world and perform my show and and hypnotize people in front of the audience to do crazy things and explore their imagination and what that untapped potential has in store for entertainment purposes. But then aside from that, obviously, as an entertainer, you spend a lot of time not on the road. So like, I spent a lot of time traveling and just it's quite a boring, lonely life when you're not performing. So I actually started two online businesses. One of them is I've got a bunch of like courses and training programs to do with how we can use our minds potential to like better ourselves. And then also, I could own another company where we teach email marketing for entrepreneurs, using the psychological strategies of the kinds of stuff that I do on stage. It's quite a mixed life again, about three months of the year. I'm on the on tour, doing my show, and then the rest of the running those businesses.

Ryan

Yeah, definitely want to talk about mindset for sure. I'm curious about that your profession as a hypnotist. What is the training look like for that just to just curate for my own curiosity sake,

Rob

it's actually nothing official. So the way it works is anyone who works as a hypnotist could teach anyone else to do it. Obviously, whether they're good at teaching it or not, that's a different thing. But I saw a hypnotist I did magic as a kid. So I was always like, I always thought I was going to be an entertainer of some description from being like four. And then when I was 14, I saw a hypnotist and thought, wow, that's cool. And lots of magicians like a branch into other types of entertainment, like juggling of intrinsic wisdom, or escapology, or whatever. But I just wanted to learn. Is that real? Like, is this hypnosis show thing real? Or are they just acting and playing along, and I wanted to learn if it is real, I want to learn how to do it. So my dad literally paid the guy that we saw to teach me how to do it. And he used to come over two hours on like a weekend and we watch short videos of his show. And like the deconstructed all and helped me figure it out. And then I figured that nobody would take a 14-year-old hypnotist very seriously. And so I waited till I was just before my 17th birthday, like a couple of weeks before. And then I thought, right, it's time I went out, found a local pub in the Northeast of England and offered to do a show for free just to try it and see if it would work and did and it went really well. And everyone seemed to enjoy it. And I was like great. This is the career for me. And so pursued it from there.

Ryan

That's really interesting. How much does in terms of what that guy taught you how much of it is tied to mindset?

Rob

So, I mean, hypnosis, interestingly, is probably like 90% confidence and mindset of the performer, and 10% Hypnosis techniques. It's the honest truth. Like, there's a lot to it. But when you get hypnotized you actually really just hypnotize yourself all the hypnotist does is give you the framework to follow and tell you what to do. And so a lot of what makes the hypnosis show work. Or if you go and see like a Hypnotherapist. A lot of what makes that actually work is your belief and expectancy that it's going to happen. And therefore, one of the biggest bits is for the hypnotist to have belief and confidence that when you go out on stage because it's a little bit terrifying. Like as a comedian, you could go out and stage and tell jokes. And even if nobody laughs, you can still tell the jokes, it's hard, but you can still do it. Whereas with a hypnosis show, if people don't get up or nobody gets hypnotized, you don't have a show. So when you go out on stage, and you've got nothing but a microphone, and the audience to work with, and you have to pull the show out of that. It's quite a daunting thing when you first start doing it. So yeah, you have to really have the confidence that this is going to work because if it doesn't, then it's a little bit like you know, they say that an audience can smell fear, they definitely can. If you go out on stage, and it looks like you're not gonna be able to do that.

Ryan

What have you done to build up your confidence? Is there anything that you’d recommend to those listening?

Rob

I was a kid I was terrified of everything. Like I was the kid that would cower behind my mom's leg if somebody came to the door. And the first time I ever did a show of any description was a magic show. I was about 10 and it was for a group of like brownies. I don't know if you have brownies and Girl Guides and stuff over there. I think so but like brownies too. They're like a similar age to me like there were probably 30 or 40 girls all about nine or And as well, I'm about 10. And I went out to do this magic show for them. And I just seized up, like, I picked up the props, like do the show, and I just couldn't do it. So I like silently stood there. Like, the only way I can describe it is like demonstrating the tricks. And my stepmom who's a drama teacher came out and, did all the speaking in the woods and stuff. So that was a bit horrifying, but I got through it. So that was the first experience of ever doing a show. And I realized then, wow, things have to change. Like, if I want to make this a career, and I couldn't do this in front of like, 40 to 41-year-olds, like I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to find a way to do this. So the first thing that came about from that, we're starting to realize that confidence comes from evidence, and therefore it comes from flight time, it comes from Stage time, it comes from like, the time that you actually spent doing the thing. And so what I figured was, well, how can I do something that starts really small, and then that will build some evidence, like a building block that I can then stand on top of, which makes me slightly taller. And then I can do the next thing and then stand on top of that one. And that makes me slightly taller. So that was okay, great. The next few years, I'm going to dedicate myself in my case to learning close up magic, like where I'm only entertaining two people at once, or one person at once, or maybe three, rather than a big room of people because then there's nothing particularly to be as nervous. But I feel like I can do that. There's no stage fright. I'm just having a conversation with two or three people. Okay, great. And then once I started to master that it was okay, great. Now how do you do what you have to do, I think in any walk of life is to find the thing that you want to do, and then find out what the small chunk of it is. So as a stage magician, the small version of that is okay, could I do a trick for two people? Okay, great. And then once I've done that, I've built the evidence to know that they like it, and they like me and that I came across well. So now I need to find the next little step. And all of that stuff really helps to build the evidence that you need, that actually this is going to be okay. Because I think it comes actually really in two parts, it comes one in evidence. So like, Have you got proof of having done this before and it is successful. And secondly, it comes from reps. So like any exercise, it comes from doing it over and over and over again. So find any opportunity to be bad. Like, in the comedy world, there's a big thing in the early days, like you're going to do the small, crappy little comedy clubs, because just because you need somewhere where you can be bad, you need somewhere where somebody can, like, throw the tomatoes at you because you're terrible. Because otherwise, you're going to get in front of a big audience and be terrible straightaway. So I think everything confidence-related comes from building evidence. And that trains your brain to accept that when you do this, people like it, and therefore you should continue to do

Ryan

it. Yeah, I like the idea of evidence and reps. Because, first of all, that's something that everyone all of us can do. And I really relate to it as well, because so I'm in sales for my family business club Ballantine, and I still remember. So pre COVID, like salesmen, you'd go meet with the person. And I still remember my first year there, like in 2003, or four or whatever it was going on some sales calls, and I was pretty nervous. And for me, unfortunately, the nervousness would translate into like a sweaty face, you know, just to be transparent. I sweaty face. And I remember this one sales meeting I was in, I was so sweaty, the beads of sweat were dropping, were dripping off my face. And it's really hard to have the competence and focus when that's happening. And it was horrifying. But I stuck with it. And now fast forward to today, it's the sales calls are much more pleasant experience. Because you're right, it's reps, it's like public speaking, the more you do it, you know, and the more confident you get, you start building up evidence to yourself that you can do it. And so I like that. I like that advice you just gave,

Rob

one of the biggest things we should all be frightened of is getting to the age of like, I don't know, 90. And looking back at our life and realizing we never had the courage to just have a go and do the thing. Like I think courage and confidence go hand in hand when you're confident you don't really need that much courage because you're doing a thing that you're totally comfortable doing. When you haven't got confidence, the real thing you need to focus on is getting the courage to have a go. Like if you're frightened of like a roller coaster or something, then getting on one to see how bad it really is. Because you might find out that once you're on it, you quite like it. You just need the courage to like to sit in the car and put the bar down and just let it go. So I think finding the courage to have a go and start to build up those reps. That's really useful if you find a way to start small.

Ryan

Because the worst thing is having regret that you didn't try. And then it's too late to try in your later years. So I think about that a lot to just having regret. You know, I want to try to avoid that as much as possible. So Rob, let's talk about your morning upgrade to personal development podcasts. I love what we've been speaking about so far. Why don't you tell everyone what your morning routine looks like?

Rob

Yeah, so my morning routine actually starts the night before. And here's what I mean by that. I think that that morning routine is really important. But I think one of like the defining factors of how good your morning routine is, is what you do before you go to bed. So I think what we need to do with everything we do in life and this actually goes back to the building confidence thing as well is to remove whatever resistance we possibly have from the thing that we don't want to do. So I'm not a morning person, like, I have always been somebody who I was always good at, like getting up for school and like getting ready and having my breakfast and all of that stuff. But as the years went on, and I grew older, and I came out of school, I will actually be, especially as somebody who's never had a job, so I've never had to like to be open in an office for nine o'clock or anything, I find mornings really difficult. And so one of the things the first things for me was okay, in that case, I need to make mornings have less resistance to them. Because the truth is, with everything you do, it's easier to say no than it is to say yes, it's easier to say no, I'm going to snooze, and I'm going to stay in bed because I can like if you don't have to be anywhere, it's easier to like, especially as an entrepreneur, where you are your boss, and therefore you are you're, you're the only person holding you accountable for getting stuff done. So I've always been somebody who found it easier to say no and stay in bed than it was to get up. And so the only way that really works is to find a way unless you can have like a Wallace and Gromit type bed that tips you out of bed. First thing in the morning, the only thing you can do is to remove all of the resistance to getting up. And the way that I do that is to make sure that I spend the night before preparing everything so that everything I mean everything is ready for me the following day. So for example, that would be classic things that you hear a lot like getting all my clothes out and just putting them in a pile on the windowsill before I go to bed. But also apart from the winter, when they wake up and they're freezing cold. I learned that the hard way. And then the other thing I do is like so I've got an electric sit-stand desk. And when I'm working during the day, like how it's stood up all of the time, it's on its standing position. But then on nighttime, if I'm doing some last bits, bits, and pieces like checking my emails on an evening, I'll have it down in the down position. And so one of the first things that I do every single night is I'll come before I go to bed is I come into the office at home, and I'll put the desk to the standing position because then I don't need to do that in the morning. I'll reset my camera and everything and reset my lights and turn them all off and power it all down, and then go to bed because it means that when I come in the following day, this has already done I feel the cattle that like the night before. Like I literally make sure that everything I possibly need as well as, like my Asana, I use for my project management. Just make sure that everything I'm going to do that day is done and open. And the only reason for doing it is it removes all of the resistance that I could possibly have from getting up on a morning. And I find that like is essential. But in terms of the morning routine, I get up, go to the gym, other than the fact that in the UK right now we're recording this in the pandemic and the gyms are currently closed, but when they open, I would go to the gym for an hour. So I get up at six, I go to the gym for about a quarter past six, which is over the road, fortunately. And then I train until about quarter past seven, and then I woke up takes me about half-past seven, then I have a shower, which obviously brings and get dressed brings me around to about eight o'clock and then have breakfast and kind of be ready and ready inside that or stood at the desk for about half-past eight on a morning.

Ryan

It sounds like your day is very, very structured. From the morning tonight, I think something everyone can pull away from from the way you spend your nighttime routine to prepare for the morning, which then feeds into the morning with your workout and everything else is always been like that for you

Rob

know, so I'm in this weird thing, what one of my highest values in life is freedom, and the ability to like others not having the requirement to be in a certain place at a certain time that I didn't decide. So I'm not lazy, I love to work. But I want to have the power and control to figure out where I'm going to be and when and why. And so one of the things that I really like is to have, it sounds weird, because it sounds like a contradiction, but I like to have a routine that gives me a sense of freedom. So for example, I try as much as possible to like when I'm recording. So I've got a podcast called Success unlocked. I only record that podcast on the first Tuesday of every month. And I know that if it's the first Tuesday of any month, I'm going to be spending probably the whole day doing that. Likewise, I try if I'm going to be on other podcasts like this one, I'll try and schedule those recordings for certain days as well. Because again, that just fits within my frame. And so what it means is that my life runs fairly well. With very structured three days of the week. So Tuesday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays I like super structured, every single thing I do is like itemized and calendar I so I know exactly what I'm going to do and when Monday and Friday, which I chose because they're the natural extension of the weekend on either direction. So like, if I'm going to take a long weekend off, it's likely to either compromise Fridays, Mondays, or both. So I decided to keep those for the most part relatively clear, and tend not to have anything scheduled on those days unless I absolutely have to. And so then what that means is my morning is super structured. And my evening is fairly structured. And when I say my evening, I mean from like half nine to about half 10 I'll just do the same things. I do this thing called the 10 o'clock 10 minutes tidy at 10 o'clock on a night which is literally me just doing that but I just said of like just tidying up just making sure everything's where it's supposed to be. So the next day when I get up, one of the things that would demotivate me and I think this is one of the things you have to do with a morning routine is find what D motivates you and then remove it. So one of the things that D motivates me is like having a couple of glasses or a crisp packet or something lying around from the night before. I want to make sure that all of that is gone so that when I come to work, everything is set up, and it's just ready to go. And again, just helps remove that resistance and start the day fresh, I suppose. Yeah,

Ryan

I love that. I love all the geometry drop in here. And I've got one more question for you, Rob. And then we can wrap up by you telling everyone how they can learn more about you. My last question for you is it's around mindset. Normally, I like to ask around, like, what's your number one personal development tip, but I want to be more specific with you. Because if your background, so what's your number one mindset tip,

Rob

I think the big thing you need to be able to try and do is to step outside of your thoughts as being something that is your belief. So the very, very quickly, the way that our thoughts develop is that our subconscious mind which is like the engine room in your brain is constantly taking in millions of bits of information that it picks up from everything things that people say things that people do stuff, you read stuff you see, experiences you have. And it tries to put all of that stuff together and present it to your conscious mind. That's the voice in your head that you think of as, as for me as you as as a thought. And so everything you think everything, everything, you think that if that little voice in your head, like Oh, when I go to the shop, I must remember to get some potatoes or whatever that is all of the work and the result of your subconscious mind putting together jigsaw pieces in the best way that it can base on your frame of reference based on your view of the world based on the beliefs that you've built, and then putting it all together in a picture that makes sense to you. And so I think one of the biggest things to realize is that when you have a thought in your head, like oh, that person doesn't like me, oh, I'm lazy, oh, I don't want to do that, oh, I'm not good at that, oh, I shouldn't do that. Because I'll probably fail. All of that is entirely based on a bunch of millions of Jigsaw bits a bit of jigsaw puzzles being put together in a picture that at the time made sense to your subconscious mind, in that frame of reference with your view of the world. And I think one of the first things that everybody should do is to start to say, actually, and take a step back from everything you think, and just look at it with a certain view of cynicism and skepticism like you would with like, you know, like a greasy, horrible salesperson on the street who like stops you in the middle of years of walking to the shop and tries to sell you something when you don't really want it that you want to look at it with the same view of skepticism and cynicism that you would there and say actually, you know, what is that really how I feel? If I consciously think about it, like almost think about your thoughts as if they were something that somebody else was saying to you, and then try and figure out from there, actually, what evidence do I have for that? And how can I change that belief if it's not serving me positively, which is a whole different discussion in its own right. But that would basically be my tip, I think.

Ryan

Awesome. Thanks, Rob. I really enjoyed this conversation. What's the best way that someone can learn more about you if they want to connect with you?

Rob

Yeah, cool. So I have a podcast called Success unlocked. It alternates between me one week and then be interviewing a guest the next week, you can check that out at success unlocked.com. And also, just for listeners of this, I put together a cool little pack of self-development resources, all to do with reprogramming your mind to do and think and behave the way you want. So if anyone wants to grab that, I think it'll help you with all the different areas of your life and business. You can grab it by going to success unlocked.com forward slash morning, and then you can go ahead and download that.

Ryan 

Great Thanks, Rob. This is a type of Episode You have to listen to twice because he dropped so much information so I really appreciate your time. And thanks to everyone for listening.

Ryan

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