#46 - The Cause of Mental Suffering with Mia Hewett

In this episode of the Morning Upgrade podcast I talk with Mia Hewett about the cause of mental suffering, ideas being implanted in your mind, awareness and more. 

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Ryan 

Hey guys, it's Ryan real quick. So my mission with the morning upgrade blog and podcast is to raise the awareness of morning routines and personal development. And I now have two products that are also helped me with this mission. The first product helps you start a 20 minute morning routine. And the second product is a book that outlines how to use personal development, upgrade your life and business. You can get full details on both products over at morning upgrade.com. Thanks for letting me share. And now on to the show.

Announcer  

Welcome to the Morning upgrade podcast with Ryan Cote where we feature casual conversations with entrepreneurs about personal development and growth.

Ryan  

Mia, welcome to the Morning upgrade podcast. How are you?

Mia 

Hey, thank you so much for having me. I'm doing great.

Ryan  

Absolutely. So excited to talk to you. We had a great conversation. We've been speaking for like 30 minutes before recording. So it's been a great conversation. I'm looking forward to asking you some questions to learn more about your approach to personal development, morning routines, and anything else you want to share. But why don't we start off by you telling everyone who you are, what you do? And then what do you do for fun? What are your hobbies?

Mia  

Sure, sure. So my name is Mia Hewitt and I have co-owned and operated multiple seven-figure businesses. I'm an international speaker, I'm a best-selling author and world-class business coach. I coach people all over the world. And so what I do, I'm the founder of aligned intelligence, which is a methodology that removes all blind spots, fear, anxiety, and self-doubt. I really help people free themselves, like free their mind, from that inner critic negative self-talk, so that they can go on to make six and seven figures easily in their business. What I love to do as a hobby. You know, I used to be a marathoner, I ran all the major marathons in the world. So my hobby would probably be I just run now. I don't do marathons anymore. But I'm a runner.

Ryan  

It's a great hobby. Have you heard of the band not taking this off on a tangent, but have you heard of the whoop band? 

Mia

No, I don't know what that is. 

Ryan

It's a health tracker, I started wearing it. I'm not a runner. I do like the peloton and some other stuff. But you wear it and it just feeds all this information into your app on the phone. All the stuff. And it's I think it's really geared towards like runners, because of all the activity that all like the it's more impactful, and your body's like data flows into the app. So definitely check it out.

Mia  

Awesome. No, I love new things, love new gadgets.

Ryan  

I'm a sucker for the gadgets. So with your coaching, where did you learn to do all that stuff? After that happened? Like, did you get coaching yourself? Or was it just more? You're just more like intuition? Like, how does this head start?

Mia  

I know, I know, I really wish I could say that I that somebody taught me, that's why I'm not an overnight success. It took me six years to uncover my methodology. And like, what exactly the way that I get results that are like really guaranteed, like, I don't have anyone that does not break free of that self imposed trap. And it really came out of an obsession. I mean, I struggled myself. So constantly even though I was successful in my first company, I built it to a multi million dollar level. I internally, right, I felt like a failure. Like, I felt like everybody saw me as a success but internally, I constantly struggled. I constantly worried about what people thought about me, I constantly would judge myself, I constantly was afraid to ever do something wrong. Certain people that were like if they had a domineering personality, like my father, which is how my trauma happened, they would trigger me I would go into this frozen state, I couldn't make sense of like, I become the dumbest person in the room. Like my mind would literally stop working. I couldn't make sentences out. So I just wanted to know what was wrong with me, like, why can I be so successful, but still feel like a failure. And so I actually went and tried to work with everybody I could get my hands on, like, I literally spent a half a million dollars, working with the best and the best that's out there. And what I found was that most times what they were the end result was they would just say to me, we just don't think that way. And I don't know for anyone listening if you've ever felt that way that like if you could just do that you would have done that by now. It's like really? So here's how it really works is like I always say to people you can't I want you to consider you can't think greater than how you feel. So if you don't heal the woods taking you out emotionally, you actually limit your intellect. So I had to actually find out what the hell's wrong with me then why Do I emotionally get taken out? And I never realized until I uncovered this, that something that happened to me at four years old, would literally be the inception of an idea that I implanted in my mind. And that my whole life, it would change the entire trajectory. From that one experience. It's kind of like the movie Inception. Remember that movie? Did you see that movie with Leonardo DiCaprio?

Ryan  

I actually haven't seen that, but I'm gonna have to.

Mia  

Oh, it’s so good. It's so good. Because, you know, the biggest key is that they said on the movie, you know, and I know it's a movie. But like, it's just, it really does come from a really important premise, which is what I found to be true, that once an idea gets implanted in our minds like that, we decide whatever the meaning is of that experience, and we decide that it literally becomes, like impossible to eradicate. Because emotionally, we still feel the way that felt when it happened to us, at four, or five, or two or three, whatever age we were, does that make sense?

Ryan  

I've been doing just some more deep dives, and like mindset, and you know, it's more of my personal development journey. And someone telling me that, you know, sometimes, like, if I'm struggling with something, my reaction, my reaction to something like my reaction to conflict, or whatever the case is, often it's, it's because of something that happened. I don't even remember it happening. It just kind of changed my identity. And it's now creating this, this reaction to this situation in front of me. So yeah, I really resonate with what you're saying.

Mia  

Yeah, that's exactly how it works. And most often, people have the one that happened later, like, they'll think of like, for instance, I'm going to give you an exact example. There was a guy who he came to me because he had never built wealth. And he wanted to know, like, why does he constantly struggle, and he's done everything, like every course imaginable, gone to, like these retreats and, you know, even done some hallucinogenic drugs, trying to like find out what's wrong with them. Anyway, the guy comes to me, and he's, and I said to us, you know, go back and see where this, you know, happened. And he said, Well, I think it happened when I was three years old, I died of an asthma attack. And they brought me back and I said, I don't think that that's it. Let's, let's, let's double-check that. And so I said, like, you know, I want you to take on and consider that that's not it, that there's something that happened before that. And that's a secondary event, based on the first one. Just consider that. And I said in, so he's like, okay, so he was very open, I took him back. And what he was, was not that one. What happened to him was when he was about 18 months old, he used to get out of his crib at night and go running around the house, on an adventure. And then one day, his parents not knowing what to do with him, decided, they put him in his crib, and they lock the door. And it was so traumatic for him that he could not get out that he felt completely controlled, and that other people have that much control and power on him. It scared him so much. And that he was so traumatized. And he cried and screamed and yelled and all that, and they never let him out. And that he would go in a car, they would take him in a car. From that moment on, and he was so concerned, he would keep asking his parents, do you know where we are? Are you sure you know where we are? Are you sure we know where we are? Like, it was that life-altering for him. So he made it mean that other people can control you. And they have like, he has no power. And so as an entrepreneur, where he would struggle is he constantly went into people-pleasing to avoid feeling like people are going to go to control him. He wouldn't scale his business, because he's so afraid of rejection that if he went to the bank to get money, that they would tell him that they would reject Him that he could they would control him. Isn't that amazing?

Ryan  

It is amazing. I'm just thinking. I'm wondering, like, if you asked me what I did last weekend, I'd have to think about it for a few minutes. How do you know what happened 18 months ago? Is it because it was a traumatic event and so just naturally rise to the top of your memory?

Mia 

Yeah, like what happens is because you can feel this, it's not in the reason why personal development has it wrong. And the reason why therapy doesn't work, I went to years of therapy. That didn't work either. Just made me more aware we would just talk about the same thing over and over again. But the reason why that doesn't work is a couple of things. Number one, awareness is not enough to get a result. Feel that right? Like if you were to bake an apple pie and you've never baked an apple pie before, knowing that you need apples is not going to get you an apple By Yeah, right. So awareness is not enough to get a result. But yet we've been all convinced by you know, because we go to school. And in school, we're taught that if we memorize something and can recite it back, that's enough to get an A, we should have the result. But it's not the way it really works in real life. Right. So in order to really get a result and live what you know, you have to actually it's a recipe, you actually have to take awareness as a piece of it, then be able to sort the misunderstanding and the misconception of what you don't understand about it, and then be able to apply that on purpose such that you will have new experiences. And those new experiences we're going to give you the result.

Ryan 

Makes a lot of sense to me. Yeah.

Mia  

So it's not enough to have awareness. So a lot of personal development, they and therapy, they just make you aware. And that's, that's the reason why nobody gets results. The second thing there, how I can find where it is, is because when you were born, every single baby, and you know this from having beautiful daughters, three beautiful children, when you're born as a baby, you're born whole, perfect and complete, like not one baby is born with a self-esteem issue. Like no one, they don't ever come out going, Oh, I'm so I can't believe I'm here. I don't deserve it. They're like everything is for me. Come in completely, like all-pervading complete. And so everybody can feel, even if it's if the trauma happened in the birth. And we do have a couple that happened in birth, but very rarely, most often, it's around two to three years old, maybe four years old. But what happens is basically, you come in hold perfect and complete, and there was a harmony to you, you totally trusted yourself, you trusted others and you trusted life. And then something happened. Something happened that because as a child grows, they grow by an emotional bond of trust, that's emotional. When that emotional bond is broken, they experience trauma. That's what we're looking for. We're not looking for the later things in life, we're looking for the moment of the inception of the trauma, which then creates an entirely new reality for that child that they then live into as a trap, a perception of reality, not really reality. Does that make sense?

Ryan  

Do you work with kids too? Or is it mostly adults,

Mia  

I work with kids, I work with kids, I work with adults, but where we work with kids and helping them is when a person comes to us. We don't ever separate life and business, right? So relationships, life, and business, we don't see anything as separate. We don't compartmentalize like the world wants to compartmentalize it all, we don't see that because you know, how you do anything, is how you do everything. And so it doesn't make any sense to me to separate. So what we'll do for those people that are struggling with their children is we just help them, we have an actual call, they can even come on just all about like their kids or relationships or anything they want to ask inside. So we help them be successful with all of that kind of stuff.

Ryan  

Very fascinating. Obviously, podcasts are on personal development. So I should but I want to I have a couple of questions for you. I want to hear your very upbeat person a lot of energies. I'm just kind of curious as to what your approach to happiness is.

Mia  

Yeah, I love that. It's such a great question. So it's, it's to me happiness is no different than when people will continually say but me, how do I find my purpose? The truth is you don't find your purpose. You uncover it. It's already in you. It's already inside of you. What we have to do is heal the trauma that happened that has you not be able to see it. Happiness is the exact same thing. The truth is you don't find happiness. What happens is you have to uncover what is the trauma that got put in the way because that day that you had that trauma, that's the day your happiness got taken away. Interesting. Do you see that? Like, I remember this one girl, she was really struggling financially. And she came to me, and her trauma as she didn't remember it. But when I helped her find her trauma was when she was I think two years old. She was playing in the leaves outside it was fall, and she was just in complete and utter bliss playing in the leads. And her dad came out and said, “We gotta go.” That's all he said. But he grabbed her by the arm and took her away from her happiness of the leaves, that she was in complete bliss and she made it mean, people take away your happiness, people can take away your bliss.

Ryan 

You’re making me think with, like, with parenting, how difficult it is. And now I'm realizing is even more difficult to see, like even situations like that that are so simple, I guess. And like he probably didn't mean anything by it, but it created this kind of trauma inside her, you know.

Mia  

So, what we want to do is what we do because one of the things you want to do is be able to help your children process their emotions. So the reason why the trauma stays a trauma is because nobody understood how to help them process what they're feeling. So you just want to get really good at helping your kids like even yourself, but your kids as well, to process their emotions. You know, like I was I always say to people, you don't you can say to them, like, what is it that you're feeling like you can say, I feel sad, I feel angry. I'm upset right now, what we don't do is go, you know, you can't say I hate you or your you know, you can express your feelings, because they are your feelings. So I like to say that feelings are valid, even when they're not true. Feelings are valid, even when they're not true. So to acknowledge their feelings is the very first step before because everybody needs to feel acknowledged, they want to feel understood, once you understand them, even if you don't agree with them, you don't have to, you just need to acknowledge that, then once they've been heard, and they acknowledge, then you can bridge them to like seeing what could be possible as a different way of seeing it makes sense.

Ryan  

It does mean the feelings it's valid to them. So yeah, acknowledging it makes sense as to why you want to do that.

Mia  

Exactly. And how many of us never felt acknowledged?

Ryan  

Yeah, everyone.

Mia  

Exactly. And this is, I mean, I laugh at this, but I take this seriously, but not serious in the sense that, you know, wars are created over that.

Ryan

That's true. I mean, what does your morning routine look like?

Mia  

So when I get up in the morning, my favorite thing to do is I live inside of vivid visions. So vivid visions, you know, like inside of I don't believe in goal setting. So I really live inside of vivid vision. So how we create our reality is, it comes from the inside, inside out. So if you look around anywhere where you're at right now, the walls that you see, or if you're in a car, whatever you see was first actually thought of as an in the imagination held to as an idea created into a thought form, then somebody took action upon that produced it into reality until it materialized. And so everything is created inside out, not outside in. So my morning routine is to connect to that inside vision of what it is of an outcome that I'm having as it's done. Like it's done. It's not even a question. It's done. And then what I do is take action from inside of what is my priority, from my number one priority from that vision? What needs to get done today? 

Ryan  

Awesome. I've got one more question for you. And then we can wrap up with you tell everyone how they can learn more about you. I know you have a book that kind of goes deeper into what we've been talking about today. So definitely share that. So my last question for me is, what's your number one habit for making your life better?

Mia 

My number one habit for making my life better, is definitely that I yield my trauma. So I am no longer intimidated by anyone I can talk to anyone and not lose my power I can be in any conversation. Any situation doesn't matter the person or who they're behaving like or reacting to. Like, I don't get triggered. That is my number one superpower from healing my trauma, I would say that's my, my number one. My number one habit of just knowing how to stay in my power, regardless of the circumstance situation, or outside environment.

Ryan  

It has a learned skill something that anyone can learn so yes, I'm assuming you go deeper in your book.

Mia  

Yes, absolutely.

Ryan  

How can people get that book? They can get it for free on your right on your site here so they just need to go to Miameantformorebooks.com. 

Mia

So Miameantformorebooks.com. It's a secure site in the sense of you have to put in a password so the password is freebook, all one-word, capital F. So freebook all one word, capital F, and just punch it in. You'll download the PDF automatically. It'll give you that for free and it is really life changing. So I'd love to hear from anyone that you know reads it and says what it did for them. I always read every single email. So we'd love to hear how that really changed somebody.

Ryan 

Yeah, well, they'll be linked up in the show notes page. But I really enjoyed this conversation. I found myself getting lost in your answers, like I couldn't think about what you were saying. And it was like he had a lot of deep answers. And I found myself getting lost in them, which is, which is a good thing. Yeah. I appreciate all the advice you gave. And yeah, that's it. So thanks. 

Mia

Listen. Thanks, man.

Ryan 

Thank you so much.

Ryan 

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