High n' Dry Podcast
Hosted by Ryan Baron North, James Crosslin, and Luke, High n' Dry tackles film and philosophy with their patented 3-part method. What makes them so special and fun? One of them is drunk, and the other two are really, really high. Welcome to a drunken chat at 3 in the morning with your best buds. Come talk movies and philosophy, and get wasted along the way. New episodes every other week! Music by AlexGrohl @ Pixabay
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High n' Dry Podcast
Unraveling "Nobody 2": A Study in Misguided Violence
The High and Dry Podcast team delivers a scathing review of "Nobody 2," rating it a dismal 1.5 out of 5 stars for its incoherent plot, poor performances, and problematic messaging.
• Bob Odenkirk returns as a violent family man whose ultraviolence is inexplicably portrayed as heroic
• The film oscillates between serious and campy tones, creating a disorienting viewing experience
• Christopher Lloyd appears underutilized, with his character barely developed despite potential
• Sharon Stone's villain makes inexplicable choices that defy basic logic
• Poor cinematography makes action sequences feel jumpy and lacking impact
• The film's treatment of women is particularly problematic, suggesting wives should accept and participate in their husband's violence
• The plot contains numerous logical inconsistencies, including the small-town setting having multiple violent crime syndicates
• Several characters' motivations and actions make little sense within the narrative
If you enjoy our reviews, please subscribe and check out our other episodes where we analyze films with a lot more coherence than this one displayed.
cam was like what movie do you guys, do you want to see this? You know what like list down movies, and I was like, well, we have to go see nobody too. I was like yeah she's listed all and I was like, but we have to like.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, the choice is made for us well, and I was telling callie like, look, I I feel because I was, I watched, nobody won this morning before rolling into this thing and I'm like, I'm sitting there trying to tell myself like you have. You know, people count on this show to give them the truth, and this is training you to objectively look at something that may be a piece of shit, but right, you know you have to come on and share that.
Speaker 1:People need to know if it's a piece of shit.
Speaker 2:But part of my job is to be able to give the truth of the matter is it a piece of shit?
Speaker 1:and well, let's find out, let's find out. So, on this week's episode of dragon ball z, yes, yeah of high and dry podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm your host, ryan Baron-North With me as always. James Crosland, luke, how are you guys doing today?
Speaker 1:I was better before this weekend I'm doing good. It does suck to have to go see a movie you don't want to see.
Speaker 2:Well, this is High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast keeping alive the fandom of Nikita.
Speaker 1:Oh, I like Nikita.
Speaker 2:Oh, nikita, good was that on tnt I believe so, back when that was a thing, oh my god, I remember they were like nikita, right after basketball something to that effect, or was it? What was that? One fucking channel for the men, like men didn't have enough spike no, I, I don't think it was spike.
Speaker 1:I think it was tnt.
Speaker 2:I was thinking it was tnt, but like spike, like picked up the torch of tnt oh yeah, they took it a whole nother step.
Speaker 1:They were like and ladies don't even turn on this channel.
Speaker 2:This is just we don't want you here, and that's what I felt from what we're actually going to be talking about today. So, from those of you listening for the first time, we're not actually going to be talking about Nikita, that's another podcast that we do. We'll bring it up a little bit. What we're going to be talking about on this one we're going to knock out a film, and today we're going to be talking about Nobody 2 one. We're going to knock out a film, and today we're going to be talking about Nobody 2, the newest, I don't know how to. We're going to describe it for the next hour for you. So we'll have all the time in the world, and we're going to do it in a beautiful three-part method guaranteed to get you results.
Speaker 2:All right, first, we're going to jump in, rate this thing and give you the definitive rating out of five stars. All right, after this, you don't need to go to Fandango anymore. That's what we're here for. Those people are hacks. All right, we're going to give you the true, true rating. Round two, we're going to jump onto the golden path and we're going to delve into the fucking golden shower that this fucking movie was. And then, finally, we're going to insert ourselves, drugs and our alcohol into the film. What would make it different, what would make it unique? And what makes us so unique is that we're going to be doing it drunk and or high. So, fellas, what are you smoking? This?
Speaker 1:week. I'm a repeat offender. Watermelon OG for this week.
Speaker 2:Keeping it fruity.
Speaker 1:Keeping it fun, Keeping it light. I got runts again. He's got runts in the show in the movie. That's what the movie's about is his family. I'm just doing runts again, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm going to be joining you here's, remy. I will be joining you guys with the one I did last night. I believe it was Rebel, but for 15 dots, remy excuse me, no, get back, I'm being attacked by a taquita Alright. So for $15, I get a 100 proof Rebel whiskey. So I'm going to be doing that again. I can't beat it. The flavor's decent and less than $20. It's good to go.
Speaker 1:Definitely can't complain about that. I love a nice, efficient, price liquor.
Speaker 2:If you get a bottle of Jack Daniels it's going to be $20. But Rebel 15, in my opinion it tastes more like a bourbon than Jack Daniels does.
Speaker 1:This might be controversial. Jack Daniels is ass. I hate it is by far my least favorite, especially popular whiskey. I hate it.
Speaker 2:I think it's so unenjoyable to my palate it has an unnatural flavor to it, like a flatness at the end, like artificial flavor.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, what chemical can we give these people to make them feel a little more? That's what it tastes like exactly, um, and yeah, I'm just, I'm not about it, I'm not about it maybe they're uh distilled in lead barrels and that's what gives it its unique jack daniels flavor I'm fairly certain there's no barrels involved anymore. It's so freaking manufactured.
Speaker 2:That it's just. You know they just have like a. You know, when you go to the movie theaters and you pick your flavor and all that kind of stuff it's actually just corn liquor and they're just putting tea bags in it for color that's right did you guys hear that the huge whiskey exporters in tennessee are having like a lot of trouble right now because of the tariffs, like this fucker, that they voted for putting? Tariffs on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there's retaliatory tariffs and people are purposely not buying American booze. The big manufacturers who export a lot are feeling the pressure really bad and it's funny because the small distill distillers like who, who distill? Some really good quality stuff and sell within the united states. They're doing really well, yeah. Yeah, someone's that is mass producing and trying to get it out of the country, though, yeah it's almost like we told them that this would happen, but they're fucking idiots.
Speaker 1:I don't know. Yeah, but we got the tariffs on china, so we're good. They own the libs. Enjoy the destruction of your business. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I feel so owned. Right now We'll just line them up. Does that mean the first toast goes out to tariffs? Our first shot, first toast. This one goes out to tariffs and owning the libs.
Speaker 1:Cheers. Oh yeah, oh, yeah, oh yeah, I feel pretty owned.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, $15. Fuck yeah.
Speaker 1:Feeling so owned, I'm feeling so owned right now.
Speaker 2:So fucking owned. You can own me all night long.
Speaker 1:Just like Lafemme and Akita.
Speaker 2:Looks, do kill is the tagline that's so fucking funny.
Speaker 1:That was fucking good. Looks, do kill. Ah, man, were you. Were you too young for that, luke, or was that? Did you remember seeing that the nikita yeah, yeah, I think it was la fema nikita. Yeah, I do remember, but I did not watch right. You just saw the intro. Right after whatever it was you were watching, you're like, whoa, this is too sexy and weird, I'm coming. No, that's right, in my pre-teens it was very. It was just confusing for me I actually have a special.
Speaker 2:I never watched nikita, but the first older woman I had ever been with at all. I was a sophomore in high school and she was a junior and she used to bring a DVD player like a portable DVD player onto the bus and she would watch Nikita and so it's crazy, right throw it on Spike so you know she was coming from a little bit of money too. I mean, this is 2005, that she's rocking a portable dvd player on the bus to school and her parents watch premium sexy tv exactly dad is addicted to spike at this time, you understand.
Speaker 1:Yeah I mean he's buying all of the fucking shows on dvd.
Speaker 2:So clearly he's obsessed he was helplessly addicted to spike.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your girlfriend didn't necessarily want to watch nikita, it's just what her dad had collected.
Speaker 2:It's just all spike dvd she's like he was actually like he was actually super aggressive about it too. Like she's just trying to walk on the bus and he's like where is your nikita?
Speaker 1:He started calling me Nikita and that's obviously not my name, but I just have to go along with it.
Speaker 2:It just is what it is. My life revolves around Nikita. It is what it is. It is what it is, yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I want a handshake.
Speaker 2:My mom is white wine and ambient all day. Well, so this second shot, second toast, this one goes to our newest listeners. These ones are coming at us from Hamburg, Hamburg.
Speaker 1:Nice, Germany again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're hitting Germany hard, so here's to that Cheers, guten Tag. I just don't know if you're listening. Yes, yes, glad you're enjoying it Supp. Yes, glad you enjoy it, supposedly. I mean we keep getting hits in Germany, so I don't know.
Speaker 1:Maybe there's a troll trying to find us. Maybe someone just has a VPN that goes through Germany pretty frequently.
Speaker 2:Could, be, Could be. Thank you, yeah, let us know if that's you. Yeah, hit us up, hit us up. You know, remember, let us know if that's you. Yeah, hit us up, hit us up. Remember, smash that subscribe button, dude. Yeah, but anyway, all right. So let's line up this last one, final toast, final shot, final hit. This one is probably the last nice thing we're going to say about it, but this one goes out to the film this week Nobody 2. Cheers, I love that part where he's like I'm a nobody too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, and the tone of the movie, that's a great point. Tone of the movie was weird, right?
Speaker 2:Very bizarre, very fucking bizarre.
Speaker 1:Didn't it seem like it oscillated way too much?
Speaker 2:It didn't seem very cohesive?
Speaker 1:no, not at all. They could have winked at the camera more. They chose weird times to wink at the camera and then they failed to do it in other times and it felt just bad. It felt like a bad effort at satire is kind of what it felt like, or like that like right back of mind thought, I mean, I don't know, I, I. It was very weird, though disorienting me, like yeah, because I remember the first. Nobody is just a kind of just a standard action movie, not like like well, it's like a dad action, if you will.
Speaker 2:I feel like we're on the cusp of jumping right onto this golden path, so let's talk, yeah, let's. Let's talk ratings first. Yeah, because we obviously want to tear this thing a fucking new asshole. But first the fans want to know what are you guys rating? James, did you want to start this one off?
Speaker 1:sure the acting was like a sci-fi movie. I'll give.
Speaker 2:I'll give it not like a sci-fi movie on tnt or spike no, I mean a sci-fi channel movie.
Speaker 1:Oh sorry, I mean it's like a sci-fi channel movie where it was not good. Nobody in this movie was doing a good job.
Speaker 2:I I thought it was awful uh, you're talking like tim curry and congo two is what I give this.
Speaker 1:I give this a two because, uh, people weren't just flailing their arms above their heads and being yeah, well, it was to be fair yeah, oh, that's, that's true. Sharon stone was like that. Yeah, you know, I gotta say you can't run a business if you kill all your customers. And then what was she proving? What was she proving?
Speaker 1:I was literally like, oh, like because at first the whole proved the point. I was like, okay, yeah, badass, like like showed everybody on the floor like you don't? She makes sense. Then she like slaughtered mom what?
Speaker 2:oh my god, what a fucking twist.
Speaker 1:The amount of money and effort that would then go into silencing the families of those people yeah those people are gonna come look at people are gonna be looking for a room full of people who disappeared disappeared. I actually love sharon stone's performance because I think she, uh, just played someone who was truly you couldn't understand and know. It's a loose, like a true loose I think she was.
Speaker 2:She captured it so well she was trying to be a carrie fisher if she never got off the the junk. That's what it struck me as uh, carrie fisher like circa 1991 she was like I don't know.
Speaker 1:She's like. She was like a vampire. She was like a very old vampire. That was just like. I don't care if I burn down but just likes the building for yeah, it doesn't matter in the long run.
Speaker 1:it was wild cinematography man sometimes, so I don't know if it was like this for you guys, but the action for me felt felt jumpy, like the I tried to watch, like the action felt almost blurry, uh, when he was like throwing punches and stuff and I was like I don't, this doesn't feel like it has weight or impact, like a movie that did it well recently that we talked about was oh shit, what was that movie about? Bouncing Roadhouse?
Speaker 1:The Roadhouse remake when we were like oh yeah, you really feel the fucking weight of the fighting and stuff, like that was something really good that movie did and this one didn't have any of that. It felt flat and it felt jumpy. I felt the CGI was not good. Like with the explosion with the leg flying, that was bad. I did bust out laughing but like like I don't know but. I don't feel like that's what they were going for, like if that's what they were going for, like, but it wasn't.
Speaker 1:It wasn't. No, it was hard. The, the tone of the movie was inscrutable and the cinematography didn't help that. Sometimes it was really serious and sometimes it was really campy and it was impossible to tell the two apart. Yeah, uh, until you were right in the middle you're like what the fuck am I watching? A score and soundtrack, uh, would you give the score?
Speaker 1:for cinematography, oh, um, 2.2. No, I'm just gonna say it it was. They didn't tell me shit with the camera. Oh, no damn thing. They looked at the table, saw they did that and that was the only.
Speaker 1:Thing the action studio that did this movie is that same one that came. They were like an animated. They did stick figure fighting and stuff, and they've done a few movies where all of the cinematography and choreography of fights look good and they it just didn't land. I as soon as they saw it I was like, oh cool, we'll get some cool fight scenes at the very least. And I agree, it just didn't. It wasn't. Uh, what didn't capture me? It was probably a failure by the cinematographer, it's not the choreographer. Choreographer probably did great, but the cinematographer failed. Yeah, uh, score, I don't remember it at all. Two because, because I hate this movie so it gets a two also story and plot.
Speaker 1:The plot was nonsense. It was an absolute. It was absolute nonsense. The I've got a lot of golden path thoughts about the plot I can't wait. I can't wait I got a lot of. I don't know how to talk about the plot without golden path it was.
Speaker 2:It was just throw a fucking score on it just throw a score onZA anybody.
Speaker 1:Oh my.
Speaker 2:God, what the fuck, what the fuck was that? And I see he's and, if anyone was wondering, he's still obsessed with Katanas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the Blade-esque fucking character? I was like what the fuck is happening? He's tried it in like 15 fucking movies, I swear to.
Speaker 2:God like 15 fucking movies I swear to god he wants, he wants it to go like this is my chance people finally get it. It's never, never works man.
Speaker 1:Sorry dude, but you're never gonna be a master of the blade. I give the story a two rewatch ability. I give it a one. I was so unhappy with this movie. I got so much to say about the plot yeah, I need to.
Speaker 2:Uh well, uh, luke, would you mind if I drop mine? Yeah, go ahead, you go next, I'll finish, I'll wrap it up right, so acting, uh, just atrocious, just atrocious, worst being, I think, maybe his son, his son was so bad.
Speaker 1:I thought the owner of the park was really bad. Yeah, John Ortiz Wyatt Martin God, he was fucking awful. I thought it was by far the worst performance. I was like what? What he brought me out of the movie every single time he was on camera. I was like what the fuck is going on? He was absolute garbage.
Speaker 2:oh yeah, insane and let's not forget tom hanks, son you forgot his, let's not forget.
Speaker 1:And he forgot his name sheriff it's.
Speaker 2:It's my colin hanks, my sheriff I'm gonna give, acting on this one, a one, giving it a one. No one came in and saved it.
Speaker 1:Um, it was just trash, christopher lloyd is in this movie and they put fucking hat on him and glasses on and then just made him kind of like what was that? Like that character was so underused and underdeveloped, and then he just uses a fucking gatling gun at the end of the movie.
Speaker 1:That was like star I wonder if christopher lloyd is suffering some really bad health problems. They're just like we're just gonna put a hat and glasses on him and just have him stumble through the back. We're gonna push his barely living body through this movie and get him one last paycheck because he seems like he's got one foot in the fucking grave I?
Speaker 2:I hope not, because everything I've seen outside of this film he seems like a genuinely sweet human being. But sure he didn't do it, but he didn't do anything.
Speaker 1:No, underutilized, he may have been saving grace to this thing they wrote like this super long bit and then he got on set. They're like oh, this, this is way fucking worse than we thought you were degrading before our eyes and I'm like all right, what do we do about this? Do we recast? We don't have time to recast.
Speaker 2:Put a bucket hat on.
Speaker 1:Put some aviators on.
Speaker 2:So you can't see.
Speaker 1:I can't see, I can't see that aren't fucking focused.
Speaker 2:You're in yellow, but he's going to lose his house.
Speaker 1:We can't fire him. He's going to lose his house. It's depending on this page.
Speaker 2:I'm not an animal. I'm not an animal, all right, well, roll it, lean him up against this stick and we'll carry the stick around.
Speaker 2:Okay, sorry, oh my God, lean him up against this stick and we'll carry the stick around. Okay, sorry, oh my god. Cinematography nothing to write home about, um at all. It, uh, it was confusing more than anything. They like, they like, they like to attach the camera to rag-dolling people and it was just disorienting. Nothing new, nothing creative, but an attempt that failed. So for that I give it a two. The score there were good songs that they used in this movie, but they used them inappropriately. No-transcript. Yeah, it just wasn't doing it for me. There was good music, but it was used inappropriately, like the first.
Speaker 2:Nobody opens with Nina Simone Misunderstood which is just grossly inappropriate, just inappropriate, and that's how this soundtrack landed as well. So for that I'm going to give it a two, for at least having some decent taste. Just being inappropriate. And the story was nonsense. There was no lesson. The closest I can figure was that the lesson was for the wife to accept her husband's ultraviolence and understand occasionally. And help him. Do it if she can, and help him if you can. If you can, he needs you. So don't be a bitch, is what I think, they were trying.
Speaker 2:They were trying to tell the audience you should be okay with this lifestyle listen come on.
Speaker 1:There's gold. There's golden path stuff here.
Speaker 2:We can't go into it so for that uh trash, uh, two um and rewatchability, I will not see this movie ever again. Is not happening, so go fuck yourselves. I will not watch this again this is somebody's favorite movie.
Speaker 1:Somebody's gonna have this movie on every fucking day forever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if I remember correctly, we can't give a zero, so it's the best I could do, that is rough, a rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough, rough score. Speaking of rough, rough, rough, where the fuck was the dog? Like they made it seem like he was gonna be a part of it, a business critical Mission critical fucking part of this movie. He was talking.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, I was like what the fuck happened. What is happening? Like chekhov's gun is like one of the most famous like story concepts, like the most well-known story concepts, that when you show a gun on the fucking wall, the gun in the first act, the gun gets fired in the third act. Like you bring attention to the fucking dog at the beginning, that you gotta fire the dog and shoot the dog off you can walk into kindergartens and read books and they'll question wait a minute, wait a minute.
Speaker 2:You check off. Gunned that bottle of milk in the beginning. Where did it go?
Speaker 1:um so sergeant peanut butter's oreo flag was right on the first page and I don't know what happened to it so, yeah, a lot of questions here.
Speaker 2:So, uh, yeah, that's what I give it.
Speaker 1:Fuck this piece of shit well, I uh, I don't think I have, I don't think I have the scores to save the movie, but, um, I do have a couple thoughts. So, acting agreed, it was so fucking bad and there were a couple people, uh, who really, really pulled it yeah out for me, like I said.
Speaker 1:John ortiz like what the fuck, that was awful. I, I, just I, I couldn't. Connie nielsen, too, like the uh, his wife was just, I don't know if it was just her character and how badly it was written, but it just. Oh, my god, I'm watching, I'm like, oh, it felt uncomfortable every time anyone was on screen.
Speaker 1:Basically I thought she was really good in the first montage if the movie was just that one montage. And then it was like, okay, that's it, just a short film about a guy who's really sad about his day-to-day killing people, and his wife is sad too, and that's it, and that was the end of the movie. I'd like you know, well, okay, fucking great way to go. Guys, so many people pulled me out of the movie. No one was working off of each other. Well, um, I give it a one. Uh, just didn't enjoy it. Cinematography, it didn't pull me out.
Speaker 1:I will say during the movie that much never remembered being like, oh, oh, my god, this is just I can't even look at it. But I do remember some of the very close-up action shots and I just I'm like I feel like this would be better if it was a little bit more out and we could like, like you were working the camera around the scene a bit more and I just didn't like that they were so zoomed. It was like that they were so zoomed. It was like they're trying to do like an uncomfortable, almost body horror-esque camera style, but not leaning into it. It's an action movie. That's not what you're doing Like. It's just not, you know. Then there's that movie, him, coming out, right, yeah, and that feels like what it's going to be, like what they were trying to do basically in um, but cinematography I gave it to as well Uh, scores where I kind of split off from you guys.
Speaker 1:I kind of liked the score. I like remember saying I was like oh, these are like, at least they have good songs in the movies, like, and it didn't pull, I didn't think it would like well, I thought were even used, well, like that. I was like okay, like fits the theme of it, like the you know, the main title of the song is kind of like okay, uh, which I believe. Oh, so they're making word jokes for music.
Speaker 2:The good life was like a put one at one point which, like I, was like okay, like it's supposed to be, like them settling out again, just like I, I didn't sure the way they use the music it's declarative you're saying that they're using the music to guide us on the plot which is commendable, yeah, but if they were being appropriate or accurate, it would have been non-stop seether god smack it would have, and I think that that's something that I don't necessarily personally, but I think they did well.
Speaker 1:It is this change of tone in music and it is done in almost all guardians of the galaxy and marvel movies and things like that, where it's like dude, these, these superheroes are beating the ever-loving shit out of characters. But it's fun. It's fun, we're superheroes. It's disney and that's kind of what they did in this movie.
Speaker 2:It's like well, they were going for that juxtaposition, but it it's. In my opinion, it just fell flat.
Speaker 1:Hinder should have been on this album I feel like that, dancing on the line of trying to be gritty, but also but yeah, um, and I just don't think they fucking did well, but I still gave the score a three. The story plot was god awful. I fucking hated this movie. Like I really really did not, and I don't say that often I'm very like I'm like I go into movies because, like most time I like movies, like genuinely like very little time do I like come out and that was not fun to watch. I'm like that was still fun, like even when it's not like a phenomenal movie. But this one, no, I just every plot point they didn't push forward, every plot point was underdeveloped. There was just this weird like you're telling me the whole fucking reason this guy gets pulled in is because he gives his son, gives tickets to a girl at an arcade.
Speaker 2:First of all, there's not gonna be which, by the way, he had a girlfriend. He had a girlfriend and there's a saying I said right away I leaned by the way he had a girlfriend.
Speaker 1:He had a girlfriend. I said right away I leaned over to Cam. I was like why are there all these popular cool kids in this arcade in the middle of fucking nowhere? This is like a rundown, one of those things where it's like dad's favorite theme park and it's rundown the hotel room. They leaned into it. But then, once we're at this arcade, it's like yeah, hip and poppin, and now the cool sheriff son's there and he's just hanging out with his girl. What the fuck? Oh, I, yeah. I could go on and on. Obviously we'll get more into it on the golden path, but it was just very bad one, very yeah, one didn't deserve anymore. Um, and then rewatch ability same a one. I, I, I was gonna give a 0.5, but I typically don't get below the one on it. But I'm definitely not gonna be throwing this on again.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna seek it out well, I did have a question just for you guys while we're on the rating topic, because we're never gonna watch this piece of shit again. But so gun to your head. You have one movie you could watch for the rest of your life, and it's either zack snyder's rebel moon or nobody too, oh no oh my god I kill myself.
Speaker 1:You have to have it on like look at.
Speaker 2:Oh, I spit in his face. Yeah, so you only get one film. You get one film for the rest of your life. The next time you put on a comfort watch, the next time family's over they're like, hey, let's watch something. You could only suggest one fucking thing. Your TV only works one thing.
Speaker 1:Whenever you step in front of any screen, that's what plays.
Speaker 2:That's what plays. There is no safety from it, um, and they novelize both of these for you, so reading is not an escape either.
Speaker 1:Rebel moon is what I think rebels christ this is a really really bad movie. No, this was really bad. I really just didn't enjoy it. But, yeah, rewatch ability, I'll give it a one and, surprisingly, just so, you guys uh, james, you rated it the highest out of all three of us, which I'm not surprised. Like there were certain. This movie sucked it sucked ass, but it wasn't like the worst kind of movie I've ever seen.
Speaker 1:I've seen some really bad movies I guess, like they had a budget like, if you go and watch like a mystery science theater movie, like the ones that they make fun of, but but like, watch it without their commentary. It's like a really awful movie. Have you guys seen mac and me? No, oh, you should watch it sometime. It's fucking hilarious. You should watch the mystery science theater of it. But like, the movies just got awful and it's a real movie and there are just movies that are even worse than this. For real, guys, for real, they're out there, they are, oh yeah, well, with that being said, the rating of this movie so we can get a baseline is a, a 1.5 out of 5, which is a. That's a, that's a doozy.
Speaker 2:That's a rough score that's a rough score for, especially from us. I'm not gonna lie, though. If I had to pick between rebel moon and this, I might pick this, just because, oh, fucking faster. It's not gonna pretend it's something. It's not gonna pretend there's a grand thought process behind it, like it knows it's trash. Every time I put in rebel moon, though, I could just see fucking zach snyder sitting there going this is the greatest thing that's ever been made, and if you disagree, you just don't understand.
Speaker 1:I'm like fuck you zach, fuck you zach I don't know if nobody too thought they were making something great. They might have it's. It's impossible to tell that. I think we're on the goal. I think we should do golden path now. I think that's a golden path on it.
Speaker 2:It's time to jump onto the golden path, which means it's time for a final shot, final toast, final hit. This one goes out to one of the worst movies. I don't know what this goes out to. I'm so distressed right now I need to lie down. The director goes out to freedom of creativity.
Speaker 1:Sure, yeah, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's the freedom of creativity. Creativity, sure, yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, it's a freedom of creativity.
Speaker 1:Where's the Tylenol, I think people should absolutely be allowed to make god awful movies.
Speaker 2:I just I don't feel they should be allowed to make money off of them. People have decided that you have lost all profit rights to this movie, like make it sure, fine, yeah. Yeah, you don't get to pay rent this month, though, so I I hope you kept your job at you know the convenience store wherever the fuck it is that you were working before you did this fucking thing poor christopher lloyd's out on the street.
Speaker 2:Christopher, he's going well hopefully the residuals from back to the future, the one with the cowboys, come in, god. We should have known right then. And there we should have known poor guy well, so all right. So welcome to the golden Path, folks. We're going to dive into the deeper meanings behind this film, to which I think there are none, but what I believe is that the fact that this was allowed to succeed, allowed to be a film, allowed to keep Christopher Lloyd alive, says more about our culture than the film itself.
Speaker 1:Like suffering above him for puppeting him. He might be dead Like it's the hamburgers yeah.
Speaker 2:I got hamburgers. Like a Muppet.
Speaker 1:It's Weekend at. Bernie's. That's so funny. They put the hat and the glasses on him. It's the same thing Christopher Lloyd's dead Weekend at Bernie's.
Speaker 2:Fucking hell.
Speaker 1:So you heard it here first, fucking hell so.
Speaker 2:You heard it here first, christopher.
Speaker 1:Lloyd's dead.
Speaker 2:Calling it, calling it here, but I did. I did. I was looking through the actors on this thing and I did see that Christopher Lloyd has been married five times with no children. And, honest, I like Christopher Lloyd. Something in my heart tells me he's a good person, but he was the common denominator in five failed marriages and wound up in a movie that did not seem to like women.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true. This movie did not seem to like women. Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:This movie doesn't seem to like women. The first one didn't seem to like them either no, no, no.
Speaker 1:Well, this is very much just like an easygoing, like the main guy is the reason why they're putting these like happy tones over the beating ass, and it's because they want him to be portrayed as a hero and kind of the good guy. In reality, he's not.
Speaker 1:He is an absent father, he's an absent husband and he is, I mean, a fucking sociopath at the end of the day, he's literally killing people and then kind of like typing on his phone but they make it out to be like a haha, this is fun and yeah, it kind of allows for those behaviors in people in society, and people who watch it go oh, I'm not, I'm not bad, I'm just. Yeah, I'm just a little twisted. Like this guy, I could still have a family and a wife and kids. It's like, no, you can't, you're fucking broken like, but I think it does. It does fucking uh, feed into that a little bit into the, the people who watch, and that's why so many people follow. That's why the first one has like an 87 on fucking rotten 84 on rotten tomatoes. Well, it's relatability targeting, right.
Speaker 1:The whole point is that the person who's doing all the violence has desires that are relatable, and so you've got people who are like, oh, I relate to this, I also yearn to do violence to prove that I can and that I'm powerful, even though my life is out of control.
Speaker 1:I also fantasize about violence and then, like that's the first step, right, that's the first uh, male, like kind of uh, midlife crisis is like you don't feel like you're youthful or like you're you have power anymore because you've domesticated, and so this is the first uh uh crisis, and so that was nobody won. That's what he had to deal with. He's like people don't see me as a man anymore, I don't get any respect, I'm gonna do violence, and that's respect, and that's what fulfills me. And then the second one it shows oh, that's actually not fulfilling. It's just a part of you. You just want to be innately violent all the time and it doesn't actually make you happy and everyone around you should accept that part of you, yeah well, what was so weird and fucked up was the first one was him.
Speaker 2:The first one was him like rebuilding his marriage and her becoming attracted to him again because of the ultra violence right then. The second one was just her having to continue to accept him. Now for the ultra violence. And look, there was a scene in the first one where he couldn't kill a family who was trying to protect their baby and, uh, he started punching a wall. Like you weren't supposed to grow out of that shit long time like you couldn't murder.
Speaker 1:So you have to physically like you still have to do something to break something how about you talk to a fucking counselor?
Speaker 2:like, how about you and your wife fucking communicate, talk? And even in the second one they refused to talk yeah, communication is the biggest villain in this movie, really it's not.
Speaker 1:Wyatt it's communication. It's the absent father communication oh my god. And then like her, then participating in the violence and yeah that luke was getting at it, where it's like, okay, we're gonna learn a lesson. Right, we learned a lesson, so we're gonna learn a lesson now, like the ultraviolence isn't actually good, we need to solve the problem. No, he just keeps doing it. And then the family's like, okay, and even the son.
Speaker 1:I don't know if he kills that dude or beats the shit out of that dude, but he comes up and he's like your father would be proud. Cool, yeah, it wasn't. At first his father was like no, don't fight, fight. Now it's like your father would be proud that you just murked this dude.
Speaker 1:Like cool it was that he didn't murk him yeah, he left him alive, and it's like I would hope so, though like the bare minimum, don't kill other humans. But I just yeah, it was it then like pushing to just be like, yeah, this should be okay with you? Why is everyone not, yeah, like he's, this should be. This is normal supportive yeah, shoot some guys with your husband.
Speaker 2:It's very good uh-huh, what the fuck was wrong with you.
Speaker 1:You were attracted to this in the beginning, remember, you knew he was dangerous, and just you knew he was dangerous the, the fact that I feel like they also tried to almost make it seem like the children didn't know what the fuck was going on with their father at that point. They all know that he's into some weird shit and I feel like when she's leaving the cabin, leaves the children by themselves. She's like I'm gonna go for a walk and I was just like why are you still trying to like hide this fact, like what is happening? They're well aware there's assassins coming. That line felt so cheesy, so shitty just because it didn't fit in that moment, oh God.
Speaker 2:Just a plot. They were just pushing for no reason. They had to go so out of the way to out sociopath, our protagonist, sociopath that we have, sharon stone, carrie fisher, I don't fucking know she's cackling, cackling like a witch out of her fucking mind and.
Speaker 2:But then they like frothing at the mouth, but then they like bizarro world. Girl powered it where, like this is what happens when you let girl power run wild. They murder casinos of people and they dance weird and it's just all around all around inappropriate dance, weird. Well, inappropriate that's weird.
Speaker 1:Well, I feel like that was like them trying to go for the Joker, kind of like going down the stairs like dancing and being crazy. So bizarre Again, why, what is happening? Why is she like this? Like what the fuck? Well, the director I think this is a good time to bring it up the director Timo Ch chayanto, I think, was his name yeah, yeah, he cannot direct a fucking, uh, general thought, like he's on for so many sequels to things that he didn't direct the first one of, and he's making a train to new york which is like a ripoff of train to basan, which is a korean zombie movie he's not associated with train to basan at all at all do
Speaker 2:that take you to the big four.
Speaker 1:So this guy does. This guy doesn't have any fucking original thoughts, and so I think we really see that in this movie. Um, multiple regurgitated things, kind of like that again, but like not fitting together in a cohesive puzzle. They tried to teach a lesson about how violence is bad, as he continues to. Do you remember? Do you remember? Like three quarters of the way through the movie he's like man, violence is real bad and nobody should be doing this. And he's like fucking, stabbed this guy in the head 50 times. Violence is bad and nobody should be doing this. And he's like fucking, stab this guy in the head 50 times. Violence is bad, nobody should be doing it. It's like oh, this is so stupid?
Speaker 2:Do you remember Yui Bull, the dude Bull? Yes, the dude who made those Blood Rain movies and the House of the. Dead and things like that. And like not an original thought in his fucking head, but they were all really creepy in just the treatment of women and off-putting, very off-putting, like you could tell, like this dude is kind of fucked yeah, and this really had that.
Speaker 1:This really this really had that shit and the and the violence, uh porn, kind of like the obsession with violence, but also in a ridiculous way. It wasn't like saying anything about violence, it was just like the desire for the act of it and that's what I felt a lot in this movie they acted like they were criticizing it at some points and then they didn't, they didn't do it no, no, no, the lesson wound up being that and like this.
Speaker 2:Might not have been the lesson, but, as we have determined many times on this show that when you know we walk away with this lesson, that's either you had something to say or you're bad at your job. So which is it? And I walked away with this. And the only person in this whole like the main character, the guy I don't saw, goodman, uh, didn't learn a fucking thing, right, he just got to keep being him. The only person who learned anything was his wife, and it was to accept the sociopath. You married and and fucking deal with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and also become him a little bit yeah.
Speaker 2:Kill people with him. If you want a vibrant sex life, you got to be prepared to take a life. I always think.
Speaker 1:Something that always bothers me In movies like this Is where it's like someone who is not Been around this life and they just come out and take a life and it's like nothing who is not been around this life and they just come out and take a life and it's like nothing for them it's such a bizarre because, like, genuinely, there's most people that that happens to.
Speaker 1:They're gonna throw up like it's like a crazy concept, crazy thing to do the idea to kill someone yeah, and just you know, they did it in this one too and like I just like I'm like she's just like ha ha, yeah, ha, coo boo, yeah, everybody's just able to kill people and get on with it.
Speaker 2:What?
Speaker 1:What do you mean?
Speaker 2:That's not a normal behavior. As long as goodness based on some arbitrary thought pattern is met, you'll succeed.
Speaker 1:Yes, a very arbitrary and convoluted thought pattern that is saying to its audience this is relatable, right, that's the biggest part of this. That makes it disgusting is to be like this is relatable. That's the whole point of the movie is, by calling it, nobody Like this is relatable and so people leave and they're like okay, this is relatable and it's like no, motherfucker this is not relatable any way shape or form.
Speaker 1:No, it's gross. If, if it's telling you it's relatable, that's gross. This is this needs to be a parody of that. That's kind of what I felt like it was so on the cusp of. Are you trying to like lean into? Is this like a satire? Is this like like? Is it really? It's like genius, actually like you're really leading into just horrible. I don't think we got a Starship Troopers on our hands.
Speaker 1:No, no, no no, that's why when I quickly, as soon as the movie finished, I went to see who directed it, because I was like okay who we got here. Did someone try to tell us the message and I was like, no, not this guy.
Speaker 2:He's not this guy, he's not this fucking guy. Well, I remember when it came out and it was like this is how fucked up I think Western culture has gotten. It was the antithesis to John Wick, where John Wick was like this is senseless, this is completely senseless. John Wick is he's not trying to teach you a lesson. There is no lesson here. There is no lesson. He is just killing people. He is simply killing people don't be rude to people yeah, don't get.
Speaker 2:Don't break into a house and kill a dog. Don't kill the dog be considerate. Basically, he probably would have let you go with the car.
Speaker 1:Just don't kill dogs solid, the only message, yeah, solid message. Everyone remembers about the movie solid message but also action done really well and they knew what they was. Just yeah, yeah, a cool action film that was a dumb action movie.
Speaker 2:That's fun. It's fun. This, however, was like the antithesis. What if I'm just a normal guy who can't satisfy his wife, doesn't know how to communicate and has these deep-seated? Urges that I've never been able to let out on a minority he just wants to do the violence.
Speaker 1:Everyone always feels violence bubbling inside them, right? I also find it hilarious that every one of these jobs was somehow in his local area. He was able to be in home. Like it was late home, but he'd be home. He wasn't there to get in, but what? And leave early.
Speaker 2:Just what the fuck is that it would be like hey, here's your next job, here's the per diem. You get $200 a night, you're going to be away from home for two weeks. We don't need you to clear out lower Cincinnati. We have jobs all over the world, so that was nonsensical.
Speaker 1:What the fuck is this? How does he have this many people to kill in this small? Where does he live? Where does he live If Trump were to be able to leave DC or any liberal city?
Speaker 2:really, oh God, this thing was nonsense. Top Watches your own peril. I think it is time now to insert ourselves into this film. We've reached that point. We have publicly executed one of the worst pieces of shit that has come on this podcast, and it is now time to put ourselves into it. How do we change it? What happens next? I'll go first, if you guys are okay with that.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, please, please, I'll go first, if you guys are okay with that. Yeah, please, please what happens, james, I would enjoy a lovely day at the water park. I'd get super high, I'd be riding those slides and then the next day, after all these explosions, I'd come back and I'd be like what the fuck? The water park is destroyed. I have three more days. What am I going to do? I'll go to the arcade. What the fuck?
Speaker 2:They give you a coupon for those hot dogs.
Speaker 1:I'm going to go to the warehouse district and see a really cool warehouse full of guns and trucks and buy away what the fuck it's on fire no, I love that this small town had a warehouse district where obviously a minority is selling guns oh, warehouse district was so funny shit this is the dumbest fucking movie ever I'd be on the duck boat.
Speaker 1:I'd be high on the duck boat. Would you be the couple with the headphones on while they're fighting in the back? No, no, I'd be the driver. I'd be the driver of the duck over here. We got like fish. You can see if you look real close. Oh shit, it ate someone's finger, guys. Well, this is crazy guys. They're having their big fight and I'm distracted. I crash the boat. They all die. I marry Connie Nielsen and get her. I make sure she's satisfied. I'll be home every night, as you should. What a twist.
Speaker 2:And you don't even have to kill anyone. You just have to perform oral sex once in a while.
Speaker 1:I would do it all the time. I love it I'll play balder's gate all day and then and I'll show up for my son's game too I'll tell you after the fact you be like you're doing really great, champ, rip the bong. I'm gonna go, your mom and I are gonna go to the back seat of the car. We'll be right back. You're doing great. No notes, no notes, no notes. Yeah, no, no, it's fantastic oh, my god, wow. I just didn't expect that twist that had some depth to that story. That's it.
Speaker 2:I love that. He's the fucking boat driver and just on one vacation starts eating out Connie Nielsen. Well, I comfort her after her husband's dead. The tricks, the tricks. All right, luke, how do you change this film?
Speaker 1:So I really didn't know how I could change this movie, but I think I've landed on. I would like to be a guy who owns the water park, but I have nothing to do. There is no drug there is I'm not a sheriff, I'm just a stoner water park owner who just has a great thing going.
Speaker 2:It's fucking ravishing james actually has the best time ever.
Speaker 1:It's the best. The park's way better because when he came I've already refurbed it. We we've put in new water slides. It's. It's awesome. It's got its own volcano, like volcano bay. Uh, it's. The movie's about a really nice water park and a family vacation. If you've seen grown-ups, the water park scene except the whole movie- luke sets this place up.
Speaker 2:It's very nice and it's a romance comedy between james and connie nielsen, where he just gets high and performs the most incredible oral sex yeah, and only the first 20 minutes of the movie.
Speaker 1:Uh is dude, I cannot his name bob. Bob odin kirk, I don't know why yeah, bob odin kirk is literally only in the movie for the first 20 minutes and that's just to get to the point of the duck boat see where it crashes. And then his part ends in the movie and it leads into the romantic comedy of james.
Speaker 2:I like that Nielsen.
Speaker 1:So yeah, that's how I would. I would not be a sheriff either, I would just let I would definitely let Colin Hanks just take that the reins over there, and I would be a stoner water park owner.
Speaker 2:And it would be a phenomenal part Then for me I think I'm the one who's's gonna softball in the pitch for you guys to have this, because I am gonna be one of the guys in the van. When nobody too walks out of the door and he encounters a bunch of dudes who come at him with melee weapons, I'm gonna shoot him in the chest and the head. Okay, that seems effective in that scene where there was no cover and they just decided they needed a melee fight. I'm going to produce my firearm and I'm gonna shoot him and then I'm gonna get back, then that's, that's Scene.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, scene. So she's taken. Well, that was weird. And then the romantic comedy starts. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so now she's a wife who's mourning her sadistic husband Right At a water park run by fucking Luke that's fucking on top of its business, fucking luke, that's right, fucking on top of its business. And then she learns that love doesn't have to be this psycho, sadistic nightmare when she meets the stoner duck boat driver really stable.
Speaker 1:I got a career and you just start. I pay my employees extremely well all of my employees are compensated very fairly I'm the only employee I got it I got the whole fucking thing and he's, you know, and he's eating out, got any nails in it.
Speaker 1:It's a full service experience is it just one of you or is it you playing every employee in the park? Oh, that's a great question. To run between different stations? Oh yes, absolutely. I run quickly from the ticket booth to the to open the gate for them and then sometimes even like there's different outfits, but sometimes you mix them up. You put on the wrong hat and you just like pop up at the pencil stand, you have the water hat. Then it becomes clearly a satire. Exactly, and it's funny. We have a vision for it.
Speaker 2:That's the thing, not just honestly, I think, I think what we have there is much healthier Phil.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh With resolution. Lessons learned. Head, which is always a good thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, james, given top, tier top and it's important. Yeah, and she realizes. Wait, I didn't have to wait for him to change or change myself. I can just find an adjusted duck boat ride operator who's willing to go down on me like a fucking epileptic on bath salts and I'll cook for you.
Speaker 1:I'll cook every night.
Speaker 2:He fucking cooks.
Speaker 1:He talks to my child like a human being my child is no longer growing up to be a sociopath and not a prop, and the daughter was literally just there to have a two, two child family. There was nothing else written for her character nothing.
Speaker 2:That entire movie, nothing. Yeah, she was just that 2.5 child, that's. Yeah. Yeah, that was it.
Speaker 1:She got slapped really well this oh, yeah, oh I'm sorry, I forgot that was the purpose so the security guard could randomly whack a little girl in the back of the fucking head so that what the dad can beat ass again.
Speaker 2:What the fuck yes, justify yeah by all of this terrible behavior like hey, we're not treating this daughter like a person at all, you'll never see her being a person. She's a. She's a prop in your masculinity yeah, so you can beat these dudes ass.
Speaker 1:I was like what the fuck is that? That was fucking wild she's a prop and an excuse for violence.
Speaker 2:She's a prop in your masculinity, an excuse for violence. Meanwhile, james is just fucking going to town on your wife.
Speaker 1:She's not coming home, she is not she is in the light and it's cutting the scenes of me with blueprints of new and great innovations in my waterfront, because I just love this shit, I am passionate about this waterfront.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just me you. New innovation. I love this fucking place.
Speaker 1:Oh my god.
Speaker 2:No, I don't want to run drugs through this small town. I want to live in my water park. Do you understand how much money?
Speaker 1:I'm making with this phenomenal water park. I'm single-handedly running tourism in this town. Go fuck yourself. Drugs and guns Power.
Speaker 2:This movie is so fucking bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but our movie is so fucking good.
Speaker 2:Our movie's good. I have a bit part. I just shoot the white guy and get back in my van. We needed it.
Speaker 1:We needed that though.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you just gotta shoot a white guy, it's okay this movie tells you it's okay yeah, sometimes find some small justification to murder them. Sometimes you just gotta shoot a white guy, and so well. I'm just glad that three white men finally got their two cents in on this particular topic. Our opinions are always. I'm just glad that three white men finally got their two cents in on this particular topic.
Speaker 1:Our opinions are always valid and necessary and original.
Speaker 2:Hands down, hands down. Yeah, if the director Blood Rain showed us anything, so well, there you go I do think it is our job to criticize the mediocre white man.
Speaker 1:Midlife crisis yeah, 100 women.
Speaker 2:And it is our place to criticize well, I think, honestly, I think I swear to god we're not like that. That's the white man's job right now is to rip apart the white men who need to go yeah, this shit sucks. Yeah, this sucks. Bob odenkirk, do better yeah yeah I love june saul.
Speaker 2:You and zach snyder hook up, make a rebel. Nobody three. Nobody moon. A nobody moon. Yeah, go and fuck yourselves. On nobody moon, we're high and dry podcast. I'm your host, ryan barron north, with me, as always, james crossland luke. Nobody too sucks.
Speaker 1:Thank you all for listening but give it a watch and inform an opinion no, that's what we're here for.
Speaker 2:You listen to us for an hour. Don't watch this shit, seriously. Bye.
