Masters of the Universe: Skeletor Needs Therapy And So Do We

We start with a raw riff on public hypocrisy and private repression, then pivot into a full Masters of the Universe review that lands at a definitive 2.5 out of 5. We argue about what camp is supposed to do, why the soundtrack either rules or derails the tone, and how “hope core” hero stories can still matter even when the plot is paper thin. 
• Cold open on politics, spectacle, and hypocrisy 
• Our three-part method: ratings, deeper meaning, then inserting ourselves into the film 
• Plot recap: Adam flees Eternia, lands in America, returns with the sword 
• Acting takes, including standout moments and character choices 
• Cinematography and CGI that look solid but sometimes feel empty 
• Score and soundtrack debate: recognizability vs distraction 
• Plot critique: archetypes, predictable beats, pacing drag 
• Rewatchability split: vibe and nostalgia vs boredom 
• “Golden path” themes: hope core, empathy, reframing masculinity 
• Camp as a tool, and how big budgets change it 
• Inserting ourselves into the story for a chaotic rewrite 
Listen To High n' Dry 

Transcript

Hypocrisy, Repression, And The Circus

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Let's let it ride. Let's figure this shit out. But I am I well uh d how did you feel about uh our country's uh 250th sexual repression fest?

SPEAKER_05 0:16

Uh I celebrated like most other people. Um I um uh uh put on clothes of the opposite gender and masturbated to my own reflection in a hand mirror, not a full-size mirror, a hand mirror. No, no, no, no. So that's the I you could just it just you get glimpses of it out of this out of the your peripheral.

SPEAKER_07 0:39

So you can and so you can feel like a like a bell at the fact that you have that you know that uh particular accoutrement. So that's that's very nice. I no, I thought it was I thought it was really nice to to see that level of pride for the sexually repressed finally being represented. So so good for them for uh you know the uh the grinder ghosties.

SPEAKER_05 1:06

The only thing I know about the 250th White House thing was that literally that there was a thing that said nitro circus and dirt bikes jumping in front of the White House. It was literally the White House was a circus, which I mean that's about all I know. And then I saw images of the aftermath of one of the fights, like some dude got his face just obliterated in that UFC fight. That's all I know. Uh, and I don't care to know anymore. What a dumb fucking thing uh for a president to do.

SPEAKER_07 1:37

Well, there there was some extra dumb shit that happened, but I'm gonna spare your mental health and I'm I'm I'm not gonna I'm not gonna tell you what some of these assholes fucking said. Um but cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Thank you.

SPEAKER_07 1:52

Yeah, but they they did some dumb shit before they went off to their hotel rooms where they had anonymous gay sex. And uh I'm just glad that they they got a moment to be who they were meant to be.

SPEAKER_05 2:06

Um that's really frustrating that like hypocrisy is the uh standard. Like no like it's a it's like they all understand, and I feel like their base totally understands too, that that as long as it's you there's there's a private life and a public life, and and you could be whoever you want in your private life, as long as no one in your public life knows the truth, and and it doesn't matter if you're molesting kids or ha that's the that's the really bad one. Having gay sex isn't bad, it's the hypocrisy of going out and being like you can't be gay after when we should we should the most gay dudes I've ever seen, like hands down. Like yeah, you do whatever you want as long as it's not your public persona, and it's just like it's just uh it's pathetic and it's weird, and it's like this crazy shared lie that all these people have. I don't know, it's weird.

SPEAKER_07 3:09

Well, I think just the most damaging element of any society in history has been closeted white gay men.

SPEAKER_05 3:19

Yeah. We should be blaming the gays. Obviously. You're right, that the gays are the are the real problem.

SPEAKER_07 3:27

No, it's it's white gay men brought up by over-domineering right-wing parents who were never allowed to be who they wanted to be. And so now we all have to suffer.

SPEAKER_05 3:40

That's the hey, that's what our movie today is about, kinda.

SPEAKER_07 3:43

Yes. So speaking of, let's get into this thing. So hey everybody, welcome to High and Dry Podcast. I'm your host, Ryan Barron North. With me as always, James Croslin. James, how's it going? It's going okay. Just watching the downfall of uh the rest of our uh democracy. So that's good. That's good.

Welcome, Whiskey, And Listener Shoutouts

SPEAKER_07 4:02

It's like the it's like watching Rome crumble.

SPEAKER_05 4:04

Yeah, we get to see a Rome crumble. That that's pretty cool. That is pretty cool.

SPEAKER_07 4:09

It just sucks that I still have to go to work.

SPEAKER_05 4:12

Yeah, the uh the Baldur's Gate little tagline, uh like the the when that when he's walking around and he has just his his you know random quotes. One of them was you know, I wish I didn't I I hadn't wished to live in such interesting times. Like, seriously, like I wish I wish it was a more boring time. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_07 4:34

But no, we get we get this fucking lame cyberpunk prequel. Well, so we're high and dry podcast, and we are the only podcast keeping alive the fandom that is the Mick. Uh 2018 um the Mick with uh Wait, was that Elizabeth Olson? No, Caitlin. Uh Caitlin Olson. Who's Elizabeth Olson? Is she a porn star? No, Elizabeth Olsen is the Olson sister.

SPEAKER_05 5:01

No, it's Bree Olson. Brie Olson's the porn star.

SPEAKER_07 5:04

Yeah, I always learned Olsen. Elizabeth Olsen was Scarlet Witch and the like. One of the Olsen sisters. Yeah. The mix.

SPEAKER_05 5:12

Is Caitlyn Olson not one of the Olsen sisters?

SPEAKER_07 5:15

No, Caitlin Olson is fucking uh always sunny. Yeah, always sunny. Yeah. She she played uh she decided to take on a role where she was I guess they were making fun of the Irish. She was just an yeah, she was intelligent, but she lacked ambition and was Irish, I guess.

SPEAKER_05 5:38

Yeah. That's yeah, that's Irish people. Yeah, they nailed it. That's all Irish people.

SPEAKER_07 5:46

Yeah, so that's uh that's a thing that they did. And we're gonna be talking about it. Like we do every episode. No, we're not gonna be talking about it. No, we're what we were actually gonna be discussing this week.

SPEAKER_05 5:56

Oh, these Irish always sucking on potatoes, and sure they might be smart, but lazy.

SPEAKER_07 6:03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 6:04

Well, while you guys are listening, they're smart enough to be sneaky, shifty.

SPEAKER_07 6:10

Well, right now they're listening to this show, deciding if they are going to eat the potato or let it ferment and drink it later. No, but uh it's okay because we're all white. But um anyway. You have some Irish, don't you?

SPEAKER_02 6:26

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 6:27

Yeah, okay, then you're good to go. I'm I have none. I'm I'm Polish to the fucking gills.

SPEAKER_05 6:34

I am I'm I'm a quarter Polish and a quarter Irish according to my family history.

SPEAKER_07 6:41

I uh my uh uh my girlfriend, she actually just bought me that DNA thing and everything like that. 100% Eastern European. Oh, you're in the system now. Oh, yeah, I can't I can never do.

SPEAKER_05 6:54

They're gonna they're gonna you're you're gonna be part of the neo-Slav uh lower sir lower slave class. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_07 7:02

Once we let's bring that back. No, because I have uh my grandparents' Ellis Island paperwork, and I'm like, I wonder how Eastern European I am. And now from a cheek swab, it's confirmed I am Eastern European as the day is long. Um but anyway. Today we're not gonna be dealing with the various types of white racism. We are going to be talking about Masters of the Universe, its own white racism. Well, I mean, they got a they got a Greek guy for it. Is it was Adam Greek? I don't know. I don't think so. Adam is Theodice. Now that's racist. But anyway. The Bible. The Bible. Now that's racist. But we're gonna be talking about the new film Masters of the Universe, He-Man coming back to the big screen. Um, and we're gonna be doing it in a three-part method, guaranteed to get you results. All right, first, we're going to give you the definitive score out of five stars, indisputable. You will never be able to argue it. It is just is what it is. Yeah. Then we're going to dive on to the uh the deeper meanings of this golden path. And then finally, we're going to insert ourselves drugs or alcohol into the film. And what makes it so special, so unique, so fun is that we're going to be doing it uh inebriated. James? Oh my god. Oh my god. Uh what uh what are you gonna be uh doing this week? Coffee. Coffee.

SPEAKER_05 8:41

Yeah, I just took a bunch of lithium and an and uh a stimulant, and I'm gonna be drinking a bunch of coffee.

SPEAKER_07 8:47

Very nice. Very nice. Um I'm gonna be joining you with something new. Last week was my birthday, so uh I'm sorry. All yeah, I know. We're getting old, man. We're getting old. Uh, but all anyone knew to buy me was various bourbons. So today I'm gonna be enjoying this guy. This is the Taichda Hinterland. Okay. Bourbon whiskey finished in maple syrup barrels. It is uh Tiakeda. That's what it's called. The Tiakeda. A Journey into the Woods. Oh my god. This is ridiculous. But it's uh 92 horsepower, it's got a silver star from the Beverage Tasting Institute.

SPEAKER_05 9:35

Wow, that's how you know it's good.

SPEAKER_07 9:38

Yeah, and it like they're going for this weird Nordic thing on a bourbon. So I don't know. Holy shit, yeah. Yeah, there's a whole thing on the back here, but it's bottled in Springfield, Missouri, so I don't know what they were getting into. So let's let's open this bad boy up. It's time to take some shots. So this first one goes out to our newest listeners. Um, we had actually quite a few on that last episode. We've had New York before, but they're coming at us again. Um, Ashburn, thank you for listening. But then we also had Boardman, Oregon, Fairham, Hampshire, and then Minneapolis, Minnesota.

SPEAKER_05 10:21

Nice. We got uh bounce back and forth across the pond. Very cool.

SPEAKER_07 10:26

Yeah, yeah. Well, one of our guests, uh, do you remember uh Nathan? No, I've never heard of him. Well, one of our old guests, he just opened a restaurant, and maybe he's uh yeah, maybe he's got us playing in the dining room. That's awesome. Good for it. Yeah, yeah, he opened a restaurant, so yeah, I was very happy to see that. I wish I could give a proper shout-out, but uh I'm about to drink, so uh here's uh to our newest listeners. Cheers.

SPEAKER_05 10:53

Cheers. I mean, his his name is Nathan Scammel, and he wrote uh Arcadia book. Hold on, let me get the exact title. Because I did read it, but I can't remember the exact yeah.

SPEAKER_07 11:07

I got a signed copy in the uh in on the old book Escape from Arcadia. That's it.

unknown 11:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:13

Yeah. This is a good book. I'm not usually a young adult readership guy. I like a few like the Sabriel series, but his book was good.

SPEAKER_07 11:22

I enjoyed it. Yeah, no, so hey, hey Nathan, if you're listening, yeah, he just opened up uh Massilia Bay. A new restaurant over there, and they got uh Ooh. And tomorrow you can get over there for a big ass barbecue feast for England versus Croatia. So here's to them. Cheers. Cheers. Some random advertising for you there, bud. I'm always okay. I like I got no problem uh sending a shout out to our friends. Of course.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

No.

SPEAKER_07 11:55

Anyway, so finally it's time for our third toast. This one goes out to our film this week. Here is to Masters of the Universe. Cheers. This guy uh is pretty smooth. You like smooth guys. Yeah, it's a pretty smooth guy. A wise storyteller once said, What grows together goes together. And our bourbon whiskey is perfectly complemented. Well, there you go.

SPEAKER_05 12:23

Do they do they grow all the stuff used to make bourbon next to the maple tree? Or it's put in maple barrels, apparently. That's not growing. You know, there's nothing growing there.

SPEAKER_07 12:36

I don't know. Anyway, the whatever. The drawing's kind of cool. I like the drawing. Huh? The taste it's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. Yeah, it's good. Could certainly be shitty, and it I'm glad it's not. Yeah, no, it was not. So let's do some rating here. So let's talk about this film. Do you want to summarize it or should I? Well, I'll I'll give it a summarization. Fuck it. Okay. I haven't done a summarization yet, I don't think. So all right, so Master of the Universe, for those of you who remember, is

The He-Man Plot In Two Minutes

SPEAKER_07 13:10

He-Man. So what we see here, we find our hero as a child in the world of Eternia, where him and his talking cat are learning combat and what have you. At which point he is he they come under attack by Skeletor, and we watch as it's Skeletor? Well, he's Jared Leto, so take that for what you will.

SPEAKER_06 13:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:36

Um, they come under attack by Skeletor. Adam is forced to flee by the sorceress. It's very, very 1980s sword and sorcery slash sci-fi. And Adam is forced to flee. Um is sent off by the sorceress to America, where he gets a job in HR, learns to discuss his feelings, do his best, but he never forgets the Eternia and he wants to go home. And the action really kicks off when he finds the sword and he's able to go back home. He's reunited with old friends 15 years later, and he then takes the mantle of the power, essentially, and is going to lead Eternia back to freedom and away from Skeletor. And we get to watch this unfold.

SPEAKER_05 14:25

Idris Elba has a beard, so you know that time has passed. Yep. Yep. He didn't have a beard, and then he did.

SPEAKER_07 14:32

He went from mustache to beard. Um it's how you knew time had come. Yeah. Well, so uh you want to rate this bad boy?

SPEAKER_05 14:43

I love that that's the end of the summary. It's like, and then we watch it.

SPEAKER_07 14:47

And then we watch it.

SPEAKER_05 14:49

So that's that's so funny. So did you want me to go first?

Ratings: Acting, CGI, Music, Plot

SPEAKER_05 14:54

Please. Okay. Uh so the acting in this one. So this movie had a bit of a um, you know, there's like intentional camp to it, right? That there's there's this campiness to uh to he-Man. I I try I watched a clip of the cartoon because to be fair, I had never watched He-Man. He-Man wasn't part of my uh, you know, childhood. I was just this is this is basically my introduction, besides memes. I'd seen the memes, lots of memes. And so I I expected the camp, and I thought it was okay. I thought the main actor, uh, Nicholas Gallatzine, I thought he was particularly good about the camp. I thought he I thought he handled the camp really well and had good timing with it. And yeah, but everyone else was kind of meh. Morena Bakren, I'd hit it all up and down the place. Amazing sort of she should have been in the movie way more. Magical Morena Baker. Oof.

SPEAKER_07 16:09

Forget about it.

SPEAKER_05 16:11

Yeah, uh uh, but acting, uh, I'm gonna give it a three. Um uh just it is it was passable, you know? Uh and and the and the camp parts were camp parts are okay, like the laughing, the uh near the end at the end where they lean, yell put their hands there on their hips a little. That was that was that was enjoyable, but it wasn't uh it was nothing revolutionary. Um and there were certainly parts that took away from it. Uh let's see. So uh cinematography. I would say that the cinematography in this one, okay, so some parts of this movie looked looked really nice. There were definitely some parts that looked nice where the where the CGI was the CGI for the most part was really smooth and it was it didn't have that weird pop-out effect that I find like a lot of Marvel movies do, where it looks like the characters are standing in the foreground and then CGI is in the background. Just so weird. You guys have Disney money. Yeah, yeah. Whose garage are you in? It's all it's all the flat lighting. I wonder if I wonder if in this one they chose not to do such uh such flat lighting, such extreme lighting to make everything look flat. But it this this the CGI looked really good for the most part. There were certainly parts where like CGI dominated the uh screen, and it the world just kind of felt kind of empty, you know, like there was like nothing, like a lot of CGI with nothing going on, and it was like I don't know, I don't know. It didn't it didn't pull me in in those parts, but I felt like the fighting and the um like the core the choreography was good. I wrote choreography and I know it's supposed to be cinematography, but uh it was cinematography choreography. It was some good some pretty good choreography. So for this one, I'm gonna give it a uh 3.5. It was it was competent. The shoe the the the filmmaking was competent. Uh the score, um I thought a lot of the score was stupid. I I thought a lot of it was really stupid. I know I know Queen is part of it, and they played two Queen songs, and I like Queen, but uh the four non-blondes, I'm told that's a meme. Yes. I did it didn't resonate with me, it didn't it didn't do anything for me. Um I felt like it was di a lot of it was disconnected from the film itself, and it it felt like an in-joke, and the problem with in-jokes is they're impenetrable. And so for score, I'm only giving it a 2.5. Uh the plot, the plot was the most bare bones plot that is ever plotted. Um it uh it uh you pick up the tired warrior from the the drunk from the past. It's fucking Porthos from Oh yeah from Three Musketeers. Oh without a doubt. Without a doubt. There's there's no originality here. It's people smashing action figures together, uh, which is lit, I mean that's what He-Man is. He-Man was a show made about smashing action figures together. Yeah, made to promote a toy. And uh nothing surprised me. Nothing surprised me in the movie. I didn't think anything was clever. Uh uh, and so definitely I'm gonna give this a 1.5. I got really bored. I was really bored in the middle. I was yawning and like my eyes were tearing up, and I I thought I might fall asleep. And I watched, I saw it in the middle of the day. I was so bored. Uh, rewatchability. I'm never gonna re-watch this again. I don't have much desire to re-watch this. It's what would I re-watch it for? Miranda Background? I can see Miranda background in a lot of stuff, and she's looking fine in all of them. So uh, so I'm gonna give this a one. I I wouldn't even suggest that people watch it. Why? Why would I suggest if anyone who anyone who wants to watch this movie will have watched it already. Anyone who's like excited for He-Man is going to go is gonna see it without any of my urging.

SPEAKER_07 20:43

Okay, all right, all right, all right. Um, if well for me, so first, so I don't I was uh always told by like my parents that as a child I loved He-Man, and I do recall the Dolph Lundgren one, and um I'm I'm more I'm much more aware of the character, I guess, um just from listening to your rating. And so I I knew the character. And uh so for me acting on this one, well, first I love the hope core. I I I I loved getting to kind of feel that Superman feeling like we saw at the end of last year with the new Superman and everything like that. I I think we need more fucking heroes like this.

SPEAKER_05 21:32

Like uh I appreciate the vibe of reconciliation and they mention empathy and stuff.

SPEAKER_07 21:38

Yes, I I appreciate that they took this hyper masculine like his his name is fucking He Man. Um made a joke about that, and then started deplying like new concepts of masculinity, which I appreciate. And we could talk about that obviously on the golden path. But um So I I had a much better time than you It definitely sounds like in this film. Yeah. Yeah. So for me, uh acting on this one, it like people were doing their jobs. I do feel there was a st like Idris Elba is easily one of my top three actors to watch, so I I tend to ignore the performances a lot. Sure.

SPEAKER_05 22:22

Because he was really he was re I would not be surprised if someone was standing with a cue card with his lines on them. And he had to be.

SPEAKER_07 22:32

I'm Indris Elba. You're lucky I'm in this piece of shit. And I get that. I get that. The man was made of wood. Uh Jared Leto, I don't know how much he actually provided to the role, but I like Skeletor. Skeletor was a fun time. I uh Alison Bree. Uh like it also was fun to see in this little nerd role.

SPEAKER_05 22:57

She was getting super horny when he was gripping an arm. Like she was so horny.

SPEAKER_07 23:02

She was like fucking evil in. She knows what she's about. And like she knows why she's there.

SPEAKER_05 23:10

They should have they should have had her drool a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 23:13

Like, she was into it.

SPEAKER_05 23:16

She had her drool a little bit. This would have easily gone up a whole my review would have gone up a whole point.

SPEAKER_07 23:22

Like she was into it, and I was into her being into it. So like it that part was working for me. But everyone else, like the acting was there. I will say there uh I felt there was sort of a standout scene um with Nicholas, I'm not even gonna try and pronounce his last name, and James Purfoy.

SPEAKER_05 23:43

Yeah, who was very very funny to have James Purfoy there. And he was doing some kind of accent. I it was he was he was almost unintelligible for some reason.

SPEAKER_07 23:52

Like, I don't know if it if it's just because there's booze at my movie theater, but um when he's dying, that scene like that hit me there a little bit. He certainly talked for a long time after being crushed by rocks. Yes, he well, and everyone let him talk too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is really nice of them.

SPEAKER_05 24:13

And then Skeletor's like, alright, he's dead now, whack you over the head.

SPEAKER_07 24:18

You got your moment. But uh acting for me, I'm gonna give it a three. There were some decent performances. Uh I obviously there's some people I love to watch. There's some people I love to watch. I loved watching Idris Elba. Uh obviously, you know, Miss Baccharin, and then watching Evil Lynn be into it. Like, I'm all for it. We rated it the same. I agree. Yeah. Uh choreography. Whoops. Cinematography. Cinematography thought that was really solid. Um, yeah, there were some points where the CGI was a little excessive, but at the same time, Eternia doesn't actually exist. So you you work with what you got, but especially in like the forest chase scenes, yeah, it felt very empty. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:09

And that chasing went on so long.

SPEAKER_07 25:11

Um, yeah, this the chasing is very long, unnecessarily long. Especially for him just to fucking use his biceps to destroy the blades.

SPEAKER_05 25:20

Like, yeah. Just have him. Just have him go up top.

SPEAKER_07 25:27

Yeah, if if that was an option, we could end this scene ten minutes ago.

SPEAKER_05 25:31

How did he not know that that bike was there? They that's where they entered the ship from. Mm-hmm. Where's the bike? It's where you walk- you walked right past it, you dope. You fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_07 25:44

So for that uh cinematography, I'm also gonna give a three. There were like it was definitely a spectacle to watch. It's just there were there were some scenes where it was very empty. So this is the first spot here where I'm definitely gonna have to tear away from you. Sure. So for me, uh the score is something that's immediately recognizable. You automatically hear Jurassic Park, some of the worst movies ever made. You automatically hear Star Wars, you automatically hear Harry Potter, some of the worst movies ever made. You you hear all those fucking things, and I heard He-Man immediately. It it called to some primal thing deep inside my child's brain. What, the Queen? Yeah, well, the Queen, and so all the stuff in between was guitar solos by Brian May. Okay, the surviving lead guitarist of Queen. So the remaining members of Queen did this whole fucking soundtrack. And one of our issues we had with um it's a movie we just did that was supposed to be super recognizable and then they didn't use the fucking song. Mortal Kombat? Mortal Kombat, yes. Mortal Kombat, we got mad at Mortal Kombat because they didn't use the fucking Mortal Kombat song. Right. This one used all the 80s songs, this one used the meme songs, and then it had Brian May wailing a solo. I think hands down the sound, the score on this was just fucking awesome. Like sitting there listening to it, I loved every moment of it. Well, that's good. I'm glad. I was having a great time with the music. Like uh recognizability. Yeah, like you I hear he-man, and like, oh shit. And then fucking Freddie Mercury wrote the original, and here he comes. And for this one, um, I'm giving like I I am tempted to just straight up five it, but I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna drop back. I'm gonna drop back and I'm gonna give the score on this one a 4.5.

SPEAKER_05 27:59

Okay. Really dragging up the average.

SPEAKER_07 28:04

The plot, yeah, the plot. This is the most basic plot. Yeah, that this was there was nothing new here. There was nothing. Yeah. Nothing.

SPEAKER_05 28:14

And I also in in in addition to it not being anything new, I don't think I said it on mine, but it like it wasn't even well, it wasn't even a well-executed version of that classic plot. It was just really just like here they are, and then there they are, and then there they are.

SPEAKER_07 28:30

And and I do think in points desire for their shtick and their campiness lost some of the moments and like brought some of the opportunities for plot down. Yeah. Yeah. So for this uh plot, I'm gonna give it a two. And rewatchability, I had a fantastic time. I like I'm sorry. I like I love the music. Like, obviously, I like I I was you know, evil Lynn, you know, was making me, you know, think about things. And like I was having a great time. Like, if I I was able to let go of how shitty this the plot is, and I'm like, all right, I'm here just for a ride, fine. And I was a normally that's a big mistake for me. I hate that shit. I hate ride movies, um, but I was able to really get into it because of the hope core, because of the reframing of masculinity.

SPEAKER_05 29:33

Right. Um I was able to really like because of the Amazon truck that showed up at the beginning to hit the monster and then kept driving, didn't stop at all because the guy behind the wheel had to make his deliveries, or Jeff Bezos would kill his children.

unknown 29:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 29:52

Um it adds, it adds to its additive.

SPEAKER_07 29:57

Yeah, it was an additive for me. It was commentary for me.

SPEAKER_05 30:02

Uh like it was sponsorship.

SPEAKER_07 30:05

Uh I'm definitely gonna watch it again. Um, I had some fun with it. Is it the best thing I ever watched? No, obviously not. The plot was dumb, but so is Hemia. And uh yeah, and so like I I knew that was the case. It was a dumb. Dumb fun's allowed. Yeah, it was dumb fun. And so I'll have some dumb fun again. And for that, I will give the rewatch ability a three.

SPEAKER_05 30:28

All right, three for rewatchability. Alright, let's do a quick calculation. Beep, beep, beep, beep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep. Oh, wait, hold on. Where does this fall? Ooh, so close. Uh, but we have to round down. Oh. So it is it's gonna come out to uh it's 2.65, it's gonna be a 2.5.

SPEAKER_07 30:51

Okay. All right, wait, but that's fair. That's fair.

SPEAKER_05 30:56

Pretty honestly, better than I thought it was gonna be. That fucking score was ripping. The the the the the the boost on the score almost got it there. Uh yeah, 2.5. Very middle of the road movie. It's not anything revolutionary. It's it's a it's also a niche movie. It's a movie for people who who it's a fan service movie.

SPEAKER_07 31:23

Exactly. And if you're into it, you're gonna like it. You get sold on it. Yeah, yeah. If you're into He-Man, and if you're into that, yeah, you're you're gonna you're gonna enjoy it. But we set down the definitive ratings across the globe. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:44

And of course, this is the average of all scores every anyone will feel about this movie.

SPEAKER_07 31:50

Yeah, and anyone who loves it can still accept that, yeah, it's a 2.5.

SPEAKER_05 31:56

Yeah, whatever freaks out there absolutely think this is the best movie ever, and whatever freaks out there are like this is this is the death of all cinema. Both of you can go fuck yourselves or something right in the middle of the right in the middle.

SPEAKER_07 32:10

Yeah, you're all dumb. Listen to high and dry. So it's time now to dive into the golden path. Scrooge McDuckian style, diving into a path. It's time to line up our final toast,

Hope Core Masculinity And Media Lessons

SPEAKER_07 32:29

final hit. Um, this one is to I guess uh Hope Core and uh realigning the concept of masculinity. That's what I'll I'll send that one out to. Cheers. And to mid-ass movies making it happen.

SPEAKER_05 32:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cheers. I uh I watched right before I went to go see He-Man. I think it was the night before I watched uh I had never seen all of Labyrinth like all the way through. I'd only caught like bits and pieces from from my childhood. Really? Yeah, it was not a formative movie for me. I watched it and I thought, I was like, I was like, the man, this movie sucks ass. But but David Bowie, like David Bowie turns into an owl in that one. And and then the next day I went to go see He-Man and this bird's flying.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Oh shit, Nav Bowie is the goblin king. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Watch out for his bulge. He's here to steal your children.

SPEAKER_05 33:36

He's gonna try to bang a 14-year-old.

SPEAKER_07 33:39

He's gonna turn around too fast, and his fucking bulge is gonna knock a lamp off your table.

SPEAKER_05 33:47

I can see uh the outline of your penis.

SPEAKER_07 33:53

The entire kingdom can see nothing but the outline of your penis. Why was this a creative choice? Yeah, no, that that's yeah, the it Labyrinth is an outline of David Bowie's penis. That's that's the entire film.

SPEAKER_05 34:09

I feel like the movies are kind of similar. Uh she also gets dragged dragged from one place to another, and it's fantasy, and it's a r it's the ride, right? And it doesn't have nothing is really explained, doesn't have to make sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 34:22

You just cast them, cast a colorful characters, and it either gets you or it doesn't. You're watching some puppets, you're gonna be into it, you're not gonna be into it. Gets you or it doesn't. Yeah. And that yeah, that was a spoke. Like you're gonna like it or you're not, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_05 34:37

And and the core, the core, the core of it is like her personality changes to be more empathetic and and less selfish, and you know, uh, it's kind of a hope, it's a little bit of a hope core thing, also, and and that kind of defeats the bad guy. And uh, yeah, yeah, it's it's about it's the it's the vibe of it, and yeah, whether it sells you.

SPEAKER_07 34:57

Yeah. Well, for me, I'm I'm just I'm really drawn to these types of movies right now. The ones that align with that sort of thing. It's just because look at our fucking like the White House lawn is why I really enjoyed E-Man. Right. Is because we were on the cusp of finally figuring this shit out. Of getting healthy. And then one third of our population who refused to get healthy.

unknown 35:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:35

Drag us back into nobody's telling no people's nobody's telling us to be healthy anymore. There's actually someone's telling us to be a piece of shit, and we can do it. We don't have to think about it at all.

unknown 35:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:46

We don't have to do any personal growth. Fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_07 35:49

So yeah, one third of us got the per the permission slip to be pieces of shit. And they just What are you triggered?

SPEAKER_05 35:57

Does my does my behaving like a like a total garbage human trigger you?

SPEAKER_07 36:04

Like, no, it just makes me sad because I keep losing faith in humanity. Uh like, god damn it, we all need to die. And it's yeah, it's just really sad. It's just really fucking sad. Uh as molesting my niece. Does that trigger you? It says, no, man. Just when this society collapses as it is currently doing, and we have to make some serious self-corrections, you're going up against the wall. Yeah. And yeah, you should have watched Heat Man, but you should have watched Superman, not the Zack Snyder one, the new one, and not been offended. You know, you shouldn't have to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_05 36:50

You could you can also watch the Zack Snyder Superman. It doesn't have to mold you as a person. But the problem is a lot of media molds people, it it shapes people.

SPEAKER_07 36:59

Yeah. I really when they did the Snyder cut and they released everything altogether, I enjoyed it. But I'm also responsible enough to take on media and enjoy it for like cool, I get to see a darker Superman who's angsty. I'm angry.

SPEAKER_05 37:16

So like Now we're mature enough, but I was definitely shaped by media when I was too young to know I was propagandized too.

SPEAKER_07 37:25

Without a doubt, but what we're seeing now is this group of people who refuse to grow the fuck up.

unknown 37:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 37:34

And so Yeah, and so watching Adam save the world and be sensitive and be masculine and you know care about other people. I'm like, yeah, I'm all in, man. I'm fucking all in. Because we sh I you were teaching me this when I was a child. You were teaching all of this when we were children, and it's very evident that we didn't get the fucking message. So we get we gotta do it again at a 2.5 out of five.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

It's it's child.

SPEAKER_05 38:07

I think I think the conclusion that society came to was not that those are important messages to learn as children so that we carry them through life. Is that those messages are juvenile, yeah, are childish, yeah. Yeah. Which is frustrating. I also would have liked in this movie if Adam solved any of the conflicts through empathy. I know he espoused it a lot. It would have been pretty cool if he uh like maybe turned an enemy to his side through through empathy. That would have been nice. Uh, but it was just like actually Yeah, yeah. But but it ended up just being actually yes, you should you should you should be empathetic, but also bad people are never gonna listen to you anyway, so just kill them. But which is also true.

SPEAKER_07 39:05

Alright, like these people aren't gonna listen to you. You know, they are so ingrained into trumpet, I mean Skeletor, and they're only going to listen to their complete and utter destruction.

SPEAKER_05 39:22

I could I could see how MAGA would not like this because Skeletor is like, I like being the villain, and they like being the villain. Yeah, yeah, they really truly like being the villain, and they're like, Yeah, villains, joker, the punisher, whatever. Put us put skulls on everything. That really is the skull, they're the skulls on everything group.

SPEAKER_07 39:46

I mean, and if any of them could actually read, they'd know that the Punisher very frequently kills cops and judges because they're wrong.

SPEAKER_05 39:55

Um, but no, that's that's that's they would love to kill cops and judges who are too lenient on people of color.

SPEAKER_07 40:04

Yeah, nah, but uh that's that's way beyond their reading level. Yeah. Yeah, they're not capable of that sort of thought. But uh yeah, and that's what it is. It's like to me, watching this movie, it was seeing lessons that were being taught to me as a child, and like, guys, you weren't supposed to forget about these things. You were supposed to carry them forward. And you didn't. So here's a 2.5 out of five movie that you gotta sit here and you fucking watch it.

SPEAKER_05 40:37

You watch this vaguely homoerotic, mm, ropey muscled man.

SPEAKER_07 40:44

Which is what you guys are into. You're having UFC on the White House lawn. Like you're into that. You you want it, you want oiled men.

SPEAKER_00 40:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 40:53

That's what you're into. So there you go.

SPEAKER_05 40:56

I thought it was really funny the uh like the cognitive dissonance of Adam when when he has a shirt and pants on, it's like, oh, you're so scrawny, even though he's like this. He's so he's this giant bulky. He's wearing the clothes are slightly loose, and they're like, you're weak.

SPEAKER_07 41:15

I I I said that to cat, I said that to Callie like 20 times in the movie. I'm like, I keep pretending that he's scrawny by putting a shirt over him. The dude is massive.

SPEAKER_05 41:31

That was that was so funny. I laughed. I laughed a couple times just from that.

SPEAKER_07 41:37

Yeah, a baggy shirt does not hide your shoulders.

SPEAKER_05 41:44

You smuggle in a tank under there? What's going on?

SPEAKER_07 41:47

Yeah, the dude is eating 8,000 calories a day of pure chicken breast.

SPEAKER_01 41:56

I've never been to the gym before.

SPEAKER_07 42:00

Dude, I don't believe that for a fucking second. You're you're liter you're wearing a fucking bulk tarp right now.

SPEAKER_01 42:09

What are these? Who picks up the tumbles? I don't get it.

SPEAKER_07 42:15

He made Dolph Lundgren look like a child. Oh man. Yeah, no. Yeah, that was ridiculous. They should have they for the for the vast amount of CGI they used, they should have used it like Chris Evans style in Captain America, where they made him look scrawny.

SPEAKER_05 42:35

Yeah, yeah, they should have done something like that. Yeah, absolutely. Instead of just giving him a sweater. I think that was, I mean, I guess that was part of the camp of it, but the but the thing is, like, camp, I think this is a good a good opportunity to discuss camp and like its role in cinema. Yeah, uh, camp's role in cinema a lot of times came around because of budget. Like things that were campy because they did not have the money to implement solutions that that were special effects or whatever. You get camp, which is like all all practical, and it's over the top because it's like it's like drawing attention to the thing while also making that thing interesting. And I think that I think that one the part where this movie lost me a little bit was that the budget is so fucking high for so much of this that you're not sure whether it takes itself too seriously at times or whether it's supposed to be campy. Which one is it? You know, are you are you taking yourself super seriously? Are you campy? Uh it didn't have the budget constraints that can't that campy movies normally have. Yeah. Where it requ where it requires you to do that to make something interesting. So yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 43:52

Well, uh your camp was also very useful in I guess the the bridge of your high and your low art forms. Right. And it like and so for that I feel the camp was done well here. Because it was all in the effort of you know celebrating um multiple like cultures here, multiple uh backgrounds. I mean it was a multicultural cast, it was um it was very accepting. It was all about empathy. It was like so in that regard I appreciate the camp.

SPEAKER_05 44:31

It didn't feel tokenizing. Which was interesting. It didn't feel tokenizing at all. It was it was very multi-ethnic and as just a matter of fact which was really really nice to see. I bet there are I I haven't looked at the discourse online. I can only imagine that there are plenty of racist it is not enough white people in this movie. Oh my god comments and but it was it was it was pretty it was nice I didn't even think about it once in some movies I look at it and go holy shit there's a lot of white people here but in this one I didn't feel that at all no not at all yeah there was three four evil then there were there were there were there were a few white people I'm not saying there were no white people but like the cast was really multicultural you know skeletor felt white skeletor was the body of skeletor was a black man but skeletor yes absolutely uh was white I wish that skeletor is a white man I wish that Skeletor's Skeletor had gone harder on the voice I didn't think the voice was hard enough I thought he should have been talking like this you know like I thought he should like Frankenberger I thought it should have been harder that that's camp man that is camp he should have just been straight up Rocky horror picture show my name is Skeletal and I am here to defeat you man oh shit okay oh my I I'd be totally into it yeah no I'd be like fuck it let's do it let's fucking do it but but why I like a skull for a face yes you do nah I would I would have enjoyed that and uh I would have enjoyed that thoroughly but uh like well yeah again we'll just yeah at the end why I enjoyed this and why I think uh 2.5 is good is because this is what 2.5 movies should be right this should be a readjustment to our fucking baseline right yeah baseline absolutely it's a good point this should be our baseline but yeah I liked oh so one skeleton thing skeletor did that I really liked was at the end where he was like oh okay you want to talk what do you want to talk about I thought that was pretty funny what do you want to talk about what do you want what do you want to talk about was a pretty good line I liked that line yeah no I I did too I I enjoyed that like like I said I he could have had the opportunity to talk to him there I actually wish they would have taken a beat and he would have talked to him a little bit I think that would have reinforced the the kind of vibe that they were going for. Actually I'm getting into the wrong thing we that's the this is the net that's the next section where we where we take control.

SPEAKER_07 47:34

Alright well it's time then for the third portion of this it is time to insert ourselves into this film.

SPEAKER_05 47:41

James how does it change uh I would be Skeletor a hundred percent I would be I oh yeah oh yeah I'd be

Rewriting He-Man By Inserting Ourselves

SPEAKER_05 47:49

Skeletor and I actually wouldn't do that voice I would I would my voice would be way higher and I do the what what I wanted to see because in the one episode of He Man I watched Skeletor talked like this and he that's that's how he talked. So I talk like this the whole time he man which pretty solid yeah thank you good chatters dude it's funny is evil Lynn is into that yeah yeah yeah yeah she's super into it and he has he probably doesn't have a dick his he uh his he has just this weird blue skin that I learned that is that that's just his skin he has a skull for a head but uh the blue stuff is just his skin the big only clothes are purple.

SPEAKER_07 48:35

Well then he's got a probably a big swinging blue dick.

SPEAKER_05 48:38

No no there's no bulge he doesn't have any bulge whatsoever it just like he does he doesn't have the loincloth that uh that uh uh he man has he just he yeah that Adam has he just has like a like a wrestler style and it's totally flat no dick so here so what I would do what I would do to make it I would have I would uh skeletor would have a dick and it would work skeletor would fuck well you know how he's got all those leather straps and so like the audience sees the leather straps but then there would be the vague shadow of something else within those straps right right yes and well no there would definitely be a scene of me fucking evil in for sure and and she'd she'd be like oh hurts so good what is that movie do you like that evil in what is this fucking movie I brought kids here why'd you bring kids this is a kid movie that's for 50 year olds yeah we're all 50 now and then I would I would definitely have a conversation uh with with he-man we would talk a little bit about I didn't choose this voice I and uh and uh I'd be like and this is like this is like the most reductive archetypal storytelling to have a skull as a face and that makes you evil I'd be like oh man it's it's the laughing it's definitely the laughter that makes you is that a tick this is the way my father laughed I laughed as a way to keep his memory alive oh god no shit that really changes things after the full on hardcore sex scene I'm always I'm always thinking about him it's a very different film uh yeah and uh and then we would and then we would uh smoke a smoke a big blunt and we oh oh we would uh Aturnia would get its first psychiatrist and and it they would definitely help uh man at arms uh you know overcome his addiction to alcohol yeah and we would get i but you know skeletor would go on some mood stabilizers and uh and things would get better things would get better in Eternia that would be the busiest fucking office for thousands of years we have dealt with our problems ourselves sometimes I feel like I fist but nobody ever fists me have you talked to evil Lynn I feel like there's a lot of that going on over there yeah for me uh inserting myself into this I I got no fucking idea I I like I I don't belong in this particular I'm way too fucking nuanced uh like yeah like I I I guess I I would be probably shit yeah I would just like yeah if I'm gonna be He-Man or if I'm gonna be uh any of them I'm I'm just gonna want different things out of life like I'm just gonna want different stuff like I'm that's so interesting that's that's like the concept of this but you like the the the themes of this movie so much that you don't want to destroy them with your fucked up personality you're like you're like I know I need to protect this pure thing like I don't belong here yeah like you guys gotta keep doing your thing I love it it's not me you gotta get out there and do it yeah solid three out of five or watchability but like I don't belong here you know sorceress is pregnant right like I fucked her when she was a bird like I I fucked that bird I've been drinking with Idris Elba I am not helping his habit like yeah I and I got eyes on evil in now like you need to get me the fuck out of here sure I was all up in that cloica but what I really want is is evil in like yeah like you guys got a thing here and I just like you you guys need to send me like either to fucking attorney a prison or back to earth and let me just go beat myself and you'd work in the you just attack the HR office you're you're just the you're the bad guy that gets sent to the HR office to to destroy it.

SPEAKER_07 53:51

Yeah like and that that's what it'd be I'm like guys the longer I'm here the more this shit's going haywire so I appreciate Adam that you need to save Eternia but a big part of saving Eternia is getting me home and uh preferably uh before the sorceress starts coming at me saying that the little bastard has my eyes and my super rare blood type it's got a beak I don't know but that's you a beak you see a beak it's just like I haven't had sex in 300 years. Like God damn it I don't like fucking test it. You guys got tests an attorney uh she just magic who is this goddamn that doesn't that doesn't hold up in court you cannot bring crying into a courtroom and yeah that's gonna be the whole film me and the sorceress arguing about paternity the film loses its plot fast we can combine our two movies our movies are you know this is good this would be fine we can make it into one movie yeah it's it's a very different much more complex uh the plot might actually shoot up a little bit if we started incorporating some shit like that yeah yeah it ends with you at you and and uh sorceress and family therapy yeah like hey and that that that pulls into Adam's whole shtick about talking and all that kind of stuff and yeah we figure it out we figure it out yeah her not knowing that I got a portal on backup I figured out the portal system we can we could easily bring this movie up to a three oh yeah without a doubt with the full on full insertion evil in skeletor sex scene yeah yeah yeah we're making it just a little we're making this movie just a little less niche with the with what I like to call skull fucking the sorceress embroiled in a paternity suit what the fuck is this movie my children are here this is my favorite movie ever dad that's right well well there you have it folks um our favorite movie ever two out of five 2.5 out of five apologies I'm your host Ryan Barron North with me as always James Grosslin uh yeah I don't yeah there you go masters of

Final Score And Sign-Off

SPEAKER_07 56:40

the universe everybody that's it bye bye