Mitch Lomazov | Knowing Family Heritage Provides Clarity and Purpose

Mitch Lomazov is a first-generation American with Russian Jewish roots.  He shares how hearing his family stories gave him a different understanding of history than textbooks and how things that seem ordinary in our families in truth make us unique.  We also discussed how learning about his heritage helps him be more purposeful and grateful for his present and how he strives to consciously choose what he makes part of his, and his family's, future.

More about Mitch:

Mitch is the Executive Director of Finance at EXCELLence Performance, a world-class business coaching and leadership seminar company. He is certified through a two-year coaching program specializing in young adult coaching and a trained public speaker sought after for topics including communication, behavioral finance, and personal development. Mitch also provides Fractional CFO work where he excels in creating financial vision and develops strategies to make businesses more efficient and profitable factoring in people and behavior and not just the balance sheet.

You can connect with him through LinkedIn or his website, epcoaching.com.

Are we connected on Instagram or Facebook yet? Find me @msheathermurphy

Transcript

Mitch Lomazov | Knowing Family Heritage Provides Clarity and Purpose

Heather: Hi, Mitch. Thanks for joining me today on my podcast.

Mitch: Thanks for having me excited to be here and share a bit of about my story. 

Heather: Well, could you start by just giving a little introduction about yourself?

Mitch: Sure. So normally I'm going on podcasts to talk about motivational speaking, leadership development, business coaching. It's my passion. It's what I do for work at Excellence Performance. But I saw your podcast and I heard about it and I was very excited about the concept because for me, my background, my roots, it's such an integral core part of who I am today.

And a lot of the decisions I make factor out of it. And so from my past, really, I come from immigrant roots, I'm the first person in my family born in America, and really excited to share a little bit different stories about myself than what I'm kind of used to on podcasts. 

Heather: Well, great. I'm looking forward to it. So what got you interested in learning about where your family came from?

Mitch: I think it really came from growing up realizing I'm not necessarily like other kids, you know, because I was the first person in my family born here. I come from my family, immigrated from Soviet Russia, uh, and then Jewish background as well. But I kind of first noticed something was different, Heather, when I was at elementary school lunches. All my friends were grabbing white PB and J sandwiches, you know, on white bread. And I was cracking open a thermos with soup that smelled very uniquely. I don't want to bag on my mom's cooking. It was just different. And so it was good. But not what was going on.

And so I started noticing there were things that were different at home, the way my family interacted the, just the cuisine. And then that was going around my peers and it created this idea that there's something different. And that, as I began to get older, I started delving and taking a little bit more interest in my culture, in my heritage. What makes my family, what makes me unique and learning more about the significance and importance of what brought me here today. 

Heather: So, what did that look like for you? What were those opportunities that you were able to take to start to learn that past and why it was the way you're present was the way it was?

Mitch: Yeah. And so the first piece really I was I first started talking to family members, right. And starting to hear stories and start understanding these different pieces. And I was learning and researching a little bit more about history and how that intertwined into my into my cultural background. And so to re because you hear stories, you hear ideas, for me particular, you know, you learned this idea of communism, right?

And you learn in a textbook what it was, but to hear stories from family members that experienced it, lived it out, what social nuances occur and how that impacted, you know, the fear that you lived, in the way you had to be careful around your communication, how you talk to your neighbors and how those behavior patterns manifested, and then looking at how those kind of translated to the way I was raised was one of the ways that I really started to learn more about, because for me, behavior and psychology, that's a passion of mine.

And so learning where it stems from. And then also kind of going through and taking trips. I went to Israel with my family, both when I was 13 and then when I was an adult to learn more about that cultural heritage and that piece. And then on top of it wanting to do a 23andMe, because I was convinced I'd have some cool genetic anomaly going on, you know, there's something unique in my history. And it came back saying I was 99.6% Ashkenazi Jewish. So. A little bit boring of a result, but pretty unique as well. So. 

Heather: Yeah, I think that's interesting what you said at the end there that even though it's boring, it's still unique. And I think a lot of times, sometimes we look in our family histories for these really big things or momentous things when really, even just the ordinary things make us unique and who we are.

Mitch: Absolutely. And it's funny, the things that sometimes stick out too, aren't those big aspects. I looked at a couple generations back and it turned out my family was actually really wealthy several generations back, they owned ships, like not boat, like ships, plural. Had no clue.

And during Soviet Russia, they had to, because of what was going on at the time, they were given the choice where you can basically try to keep everything that you have and put yourself at risk or give everything up and hide and protect your family. And so they gave everything up and became pretty much poor, but it wasn't the piece of the grandiose kind of look at what family history is in my lineage .

What stuck out to me more was kind of this, the roles that they had. My grandma, my grandpa, everybody was engineers. That for me was a little bit more interesting to see kind of the psychology, the makeup. My wife, her family comes from a long line of musicians. And so seeing how those things kind of translate down and sometimes it's not cultural or from a specific geographic region, but even just like traits and career paths and how that incorporates into who you are today. 

Heather: Can you share some of the stories that you learned about your ancestors? I haven't had very many guests who have Russian ancestry. So I'd love to hear more details about what was life like for them and why, and when did they choose to immigrate.

Mitch: Yeah. So I, you know, I remember walking in a park with my grandma and she was telling me the story of growing up without her, without her dad. Because at the time it was World War II and when she was nine years old, her dad had left. And, going through kind of the experience going left to war and going through the experience of what it was like to, It wasn't that your parent didn't want to be there or not, but they were obligated to go and, you know, the emotions that entailed and how it helped shape her development. 

There were stories of probably one that sticks out to me the most honestly, was my dad, he basically had to escape and lived in Siberia at the age of 21. And so he was basically shoveling snow first thing in the morning in Siberia, trying to make enough money and then would go teach in a local school and was at a, not a foster home, but it was basically, it wasn't his parents they were people that temporarily taking him in. And so he's 21 years old living in a frozen area, very low money. I mean, he came back home years later and was very thin and to just think about that lifestyle at 21 years old. In America at 21 years old, we're trying to figure out who do I want to date? What kind of car do I want to drive? You know, where do I want to live? Not okay. Do I need to wake up at four in the morning or five in the morning, based on how much snow I need to shovel today. And so it was those pieces that, that kind of put things really in perspective, honestly, Heather, and shifted the level of gratitude that I have for the opportunities presented today and ultimately for the, for the second part of your question, why they decided to immigrate was at certain times, Jews were not given the opportunity to work or were forced to not do certain roles. So it wasn't whether they could choose to work or not. But there was limited resources at that time of oppression for them to have the opportunity to make lives for themselves.

And so what ended up happening was my dad wanted to come to America to create an opportunity, not really for himself, but more so for his family. It was this idea of wanting to shift generational legacy that fueled this fire for him to go. He traveled and stayed in Italy for a few months and then traveled to America and stayed with, stayed with a family that helped him learn the culture of America because he really didn't have a societal understanding. And so it was through that progression. There's so many stories that go in throughout, but it's just, the memory start flowing back, if you will, from talking with them. 

Heather: One of the things you said is like shift a generational legacy, and that's one of the things that I'm really big in about learning our ancestral stories and looking at the choices that they made and using that strength and courage to change our own life. Like your father's example, it took a huge amount of courage to.

Keep trying for something new, but a lot of that is, I mean, his life pretty much depended on it if he wanted anything better for himself, we can look at that in our kind of comfy American lifestyle. And we might not have to move to another continent, but there are different ways that we need to shift our own lives.

Mitch: Yeah, absolutely. And there's places too, that you can reflect on to see what are you capable of and knowing where you come from sometimes adds to your self worth and given different life circumstances. Because like you said, we may not need to escape from a country, but do you have what's in you to make something, to do something different to take that leap of faith?

 I remember in when I was in Israel, one of the talks that stood out to me the most was we were learning about jewish history over the last 3000 or so years, and how there was there's constant, you know, there was somebody always just trying to get them or kill them or oppress them, or there's there's this theme and culture, right?

Whether it was the Pharaoh in Egypt, to World War II. But what he mentioned, our tour guide, one of the constants that you could see is by being a part of this, what you could say sometimes targeted cultural or religious race, is that there's always the rise up. Every time there's been this oppression or this push or this attack, there's always been an escape, a flee, a overcome, a grow.

There's a gene or characteristic that says I'm not going to give up no matter what. And so it's beautiful to sometimes see there's stories like that across all facets of cultures, across all facets of different ethnicities to see, all right, maybe I'm not necessarily in the circumstance where I need to escape or flee or radically pivot, but what characteristics, what examples can I see demonstrated in my past and in my generational history that I know I can exhibit today. 

Heather: Yeah. And I think one of the biggest things we can gain from looking to our past is like our said is not just looking at all the bad things that happen, but looking at how things got better because then we can kind of take that into how we see our own lives and we can look back and see everything that's gone wrong, or we can look back and see everything that went right.

Mitch: Absolutely. 

Heather: How has learning more about your heritage changed how you see yourself?

Mitch: Yeah, that's a great question. A lot of it has made me feel more purposeful and view myself in a better light. And so when we take time to really understand what it took to get us to be where we're at, just to be born, what our family sacrificed, what's our grandparents great-grandparents so on and so forth, it creates so much more significance. And so for me, it has impacted my level of gratitude, my level of contentment, because I see, and I've grown an understanding of the trials and tribulations, the overcomes that generations before me endured to get me to the spot where I am today.

And I don't take that lightly and it's allowed me to take it with opportunity and see the world from a little bit of a different lens. And so I view myself from a little bit of a different lens and a different perspective, but I also look outwardly at a different perspective by having a better understanding of what brought me here today. 

Heather: Can you expand on that concept a little bit more about how that changes how you see outside yourself?

Mitch: Yeah. Yeah. So it comes, you know, when I'm looking outside, And it comes from this, this gratitude piece and looking around. I look at, you know, one of the things of, okay, when my dad came to this country, he was a janitor, originally, and he changed and he grew careers and he, he developed a business for himself, but he had to start from janitor and build his way up.

When I look at my grandparents and they were basically put into a role of you're going to be an engineer, and this is pretty much your only option. That's that's what you're going to do. And I look at culture today and I look at opportunity today and I see it's mainstream to begin pursuing what's your passion. It's acceptable. It's encouraged today. If you look personal development today, everything out social media, find your passion, find your purpose, do something unorthodox. Look to create impact, not just check in, check out repeat. And so that's just one example of how I look and view the world differently is I don't feel siloed in because by understanding my heritage, I got a clear understanding of what siloed in truly is.

When we look through our realm of what today is, and just from this constant point in history, we have a specific idea and that's our frame of reference. But when we're able to look back and understand history and understand, and family for us, that's more relatable history, right? You can read a textbook, but when you're hearing a story from dad about grandpa, about great grandpa, you're able to more emotionally connect to it, but that also helps create more significance in a, in a larger shift to your perspective today. And so I live out what I truly love to do because I don't take for granted the fact that I have the opportunity to do that. And because of that, I seize it.

Heather: I think that's a little bit easier for you to see, because you're so close to that generation who didn't have that opportunity. And so like, my family has been in the United States for forever, practically, and I kind of lose touch with that. So I think that's one of the reasons why we need to interact with people who have different experiences than we do and learn about the people who they are close to, who have completely different experiences than our world sometimes.

Mitch: Yeah. Absolutely. And, and sometimes just getting plugged into it. You know, if you see me on the street. You be, yup. Mitch. He is an American guy. Speaks good English. Like it's all, it's all kosher, a Jewish joke there. So. But if you were to come into my home for dinner, I get a little shocked sometime I go, wow, I'm really Russian.

And so sometimes just going, finding a friend or finding somebody where you can go home and share a meal with somebody from a different cultural background can allow you to experience and hear some of those stories that are much more relatable level. 

And if I can, I'd love to share while, while it was this, it just popped another story that I learned about my kind of general generational history. I met my great grandpa when I was about, I think when I was a little kid, he passed when I was around nine or 10, but years later, I had learned that.

So I always knew that my great grandpa in Russia, he was, he was a little bit on the wealthier side. He was doing okay. I never learned how he was doing okay at that time being Jewish and still somehow making. And so what I learned is that what my great grandpa would do, what he was selling illegal fur coats. 

And ended up being in prison like several times, because he was selling fur coats that you're not supposed to be able to do that or go to the market for whatever reason. And so you learn that, you know, through this discovery, apparently some of your family members are criminals, a great guy, and he wasn't actually like, it wasn't like he was stealing or anything.

It was partially because he wasn't allowed to be selling things at the marketplace that they arrested him. But that's the way he made money. So my family, on my mom's side, they were all walking around with these luxurious fur coats. That's the way they made a living. That's what they took to America with them.

And honestly, I had no idea what to do with that information or story until I came on your show. So I'm grateful for this to be an outlet for me to finally utilize it in some manner. 

Heather: Yeah, well, and one of the things I've learned is that every story in our family means something different to the different people who hear it. So as you keep your family's stories alive and share them with other family members, Not only do other people get something out of it, but then they grow as well. And everybody adds their little piece of information that they have to share. And you end up with so much more than you started with.

Mitch: Yeah, absolutely. And it helps too with tradition and meaning today. Because my wife and I we have similar cultural backgrounds, but from different points of view, we we've had the discussions and we're constantly looking through and it's part of our encouragement or incentive to understand more family heritage and roots is what kind of traditions and cultures and holidays do we want to celebrate and pass on to our children.

And so understanding, you know, where we are of the mindset. We don't want to just celebrate the same holidays or eat the same foods or same traditions for no reason. We love understanding where does this come from? Why do we want to celebrate this holiday? What is the meaning behind it? And if there isn't one, what can we put in for ourselves to begin to pass on?

And so that's been a big piece of kind of our in our household, so do we celebrate Hanukkah? Do we celebrate Christmas? We decided on both but learning the meanings behind it, what foods we incorporate, all those interesting facets that we sometimes don't realize why we do what we do, but it comes from our heritage.

Heather: I think that's great that you're making a conscious choice. And I think that goes for whether it's a tradition or whether it's beliefs that we inherit from our generations before us, we can choose. But if we don't know why they had the different beliefs they had or why they do certain things, it's a lot harder to make that choice I think.

Mitch: Yes, absolutely. There was a, in a book that I read called Traction, business book, but basically there was, there was a story or an adage. They were talking about the way that a family would do Thanksgiving dinner. And so grandma or great grandma would cut the turkey in half, put it in a pan and bake it in the oven.

And so grandma then when they were prepping, the turkey would cut the Turkey and half bake it in the oven. So the mom asked the grandma, well, why do we do that? And they said, that's the way it's always been done. And so she cut the Turkey in half and put it in the oven. And then her daughter or son, whoever was in the story, why do we do that? Well, that's the way it was always done. Well, when he or she had his or her family, they decided, you know what, I don't want to do this. And they finally went back to mom, asked, didn't get anywhere, went to grandma asked, so that's how it's always been done, went to a great grandma and asked her, and she said, well, back in my day it's the way my mom would always do it because our ovens weren't large enough. So we would have to cut the turkey in half because it wouldn't fit.

Heather: I love that story. Generations limiting themselves, and they have no idea why, and it really doesn't matter for them. 

Mitch: It had nothing to do it. And so it was just asking that, go, go to the root and figure out why until you get an answer that isn't, well, that's the way it's always been done because there's always a reason it comes from something. 

Heather: Yeah. And you don't have to continue it just because it's always been done. You can make a different choice. 

Mitch: Yep. 

Heather: Yeah, that's, that's one of the best things I can see from researching my own family history is, is taking what I want and leaving what I don't want. And sometimes just modifying things in the middle to make it fit me because I don't have the same experiences someone did a hundred years ago.

Mitch: Absolutely. And the world is a whole different place. 

Heather: Yeah. So, what would you say was the greatest gift that learning about your heritage has provided for you? Or one of the greatest? I know it's hard to limit things as the greatest sometimes.

Mitch: I would say the greatest gift it's provided me is gaining clarity on how I'm going to carry on my family legacy. And so the reason a lot of times we study history or we study our lineage is to get a better understanding of the now for the purpose of the future. Right? What are things in history we don't want to repeat? What are the things in history we do want to repeat and what can we learn from it? And so from learning from my family history, and the importance and the different stories and the experiences and the cultural heritages, the religious heritages, all these different aspects has a lot of my wife and I to really have a much clearer understanding on not just how to lead our lives, but what pieces are we going to be cognizant of and intentional about to share and instill in our children and help them understand the importance of it and be able to pass that on. 

Because I believe with each generation, if you're growing in intentionality and understanding of your roots, it's going to solidify your foundation and your self-worth and who you are and feel like you're building upon something. And that you're going to also have something to give and carry on to somebody else. And so it's ironic that when we look at our past, it builds your idea of forward-thinking and legacy, because you don't feel like it's just you at this point in time and when you're done, you're done. You feel like you've got a part to play, you've got a mission and you're just the next player from your entire family's past leading to pass the baton on to who's next, moving forward indefinitely. 

Heather: That is a great way to say that. Thank you so much for everything you've shared. I have really enjoyed our conversation.

Mitch: Likewise. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to share these stories. And if it wasn't for this type of podcast and individuals like yourself, we wouldn't have a platform and an opportunity to help other people get incentivized and motivated to learn about themselves and their families, just like it's done in my life and yours. It's such an integral part in who you are today. And so thank you for having me on and thank you for investing the time in people through this show. 

Heather: Oh, you're welcome. And I'll put your contact information in the show notes so people can reach out to you if they'd like to. 

Mitch: Awesome. Thanks, Heather.