The Take It Deep Show
Welcome to the TID Show, where a dynamic group of friends fearlessly dive into the unfiltered realities of life. With a raw and uncensored approach, we'll have you laughing uncontrollably. Join us on this roller coaster journey through the beautifully chaotic shit storm of life. If you're up for a candid exploration of the ups, downs, and everything in between, you're in for an unforgettable experience. Ready to take the plunge? Welcome to the depths of TID!
The Take It Deep Show
Ep.94 Banter and Belly Laughs Behind the Mic
Send us your thoughts and possible requests for show topics.
There's something uniquely hilarious about a group of friends trying to navigate a brand-new studio setup while their tech skills are outpaced by their ability to turn any hiccup into a laugh riot. That's exactly what went down as we cracked open the mic to share stories of misdirection, midnight mix-ups, and the unexpected art of infrared sightings. From the moment we raised our glasses to our new sound oasis, the Thunderdome shenanigans, and Kevin's infamous navigational woes took center stage, all while our live audience tallies shot through the roof thanks to our soundboard fumbles.
We didn't stop at just clowning around with our shiny gadgets; oh no, we dived right into hearty discussions that ranged from the end-of-the-world speculations right down to the elusive nature of the late-night snack run. You'll find yourselves caught up in our world of tough love and camaraderie, as we share birthday cheers, milestones, and the all-too-relatable tales from the Thunderson estate. And when we get into the nitty-gritty of what really goes on behind the scenes of podcast production, Billy's ready to chime in with a legendary story that's guaranteed to have your sides splitting.
Strap in for a rollercoaster of emotions as we tackle everything from the evolution of controversial comedy to the tender topic of body image with our signature twist of humor. The episode is a blend of cultural criticism, casual banter among pals, and of course, a sprinkle of heated debate on the ever-changing narratives in classic stories. What's more, we even venture into the wild world of late-night food choices and their accompanying guilt trips. So join us for an episode that feels like grabbing a brew with your best buds, while also stirring the pot on some of today's most pressing discussions.
I like the look of the studio there's a special dedication to this song. This one goes out to Ops. You want to know why? Why's that? Take a look at the fucking table, people. Oh, there's a table, look at that.
Speaker 2:Hey, we've got a brand new table. Brand new, lots of shit. Yeah, and that's why we don't need another carpentry hero. We don't need another carpentry hero. We don't need another hero. We don't need to know the way home. Yeah, kevin doesn't know his way home when he's drunk. Every weekend anyways, the Thunderdome. Then again he's at home when he's drunk.
Speaker 3:It turns into Thunderdome what we do in life echoes in eternity.
Speaker 2:Let's get a proper cheers, proper cheers. Spill it on the cameras. We all work anyways. Oh, we just happened, no way.
Speaker 4:What are we doing live, yeah, echoes and a turntable.
Speaker 5:I can't change screens, something happened?
Speaker 3:I can't change my Facebook screen. Why it won't let me get off the TID show, uh-oh.
Speaker 4:Copyright. That's your phone, man, I can't Go, fuck yourself.
Speaker 3:Hey Orbs, take it deep.
Speaker 2:Take it deep. I don't like that at all, what the fuck. So anytime, anytime, I switch the sound pad.
Speaker 3:Yeah it goes, it'll shut it off. Well, I'm sure it's user error again, probably.
Speaker 4:So can you layer ones that are on the same screen? Did you say lay, layer, layer? I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, breaking news, so just got to put them on the Layer Layer, I like that. Yeah yeah, breaking news, so you just got to put them on the same screen. Crazy, we are um how many minutes in Three, we have breaking news already.
Speaker 3:What's our breaking news?
Speaker 2:I don't know if anybody knows this yet. We have no clue what we're doing with technology. Obviously you can tell by this his fat fingers over there, don't throw that, don't throw that. Careful it's not cured yet. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back again to the Take a Deep Show.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for the second time tonight.
Speaker 2:Well, we should have had a show last week, so I want to wish a happy birthday to Matthew here and wish myself a happy birthday.
Speaker 4:Happy birthday Patty, happy birthday boys. I got you both nothing.
Speaker 2:You gave us a big gift, kev, big gift your friendship.
Speaker 3:Your camaraderie. Yeah, and you wonder why your corned beef and mashed potatoes?
Speaker 2:When you felt like you were self-loathing, in the corner, wondering self-loathing, wondering why, like we hated you, we didn't know we love you. That's why we're very hard on you and look what happens, just like that.
Speaker 4:Look what happens Just like that.
Speaker 3:Way to stir up past things.
Speaker 2:Awesome. I mean, look what happened. I can't even tell you how happy I was watching you work into the wee hours.
Speaker 4:You had doubts. You had doubts walking into this. How did I have doubts? When did I?
Speaker 2:go, even go there. There was doubt in your eyes. You had a plan.
Speaker 4:Well, maybe a little bit I did. I did A little bit he definitely had a plan.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to lie either. These fucking things are phenomenal. They are cool. I didn't make those. No, no, no, you did not. So why? What is going on? Shut your phone off and then turn it back on Fucking shut up.
Speaker 3:What are you trying to do? Is that one of them androids? We have no sound again. Who us?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:That's impossible. Dude what's going on.
Speaker 2:That is so impossible right now.
Speaker 3:Oh, what happened? Oh, now fucking switch, you, fucking cunt. Look at the microphone.
Speaker 2:It is default zoom. Here we go again.
Speaker 4:There's no sound, there is no sound.
Speaker 2:There's no sound on Facebook. I'm going to fucking kill somebody right now. Hello, hello.
Speaker 4:A whole new gear table and feel that's funny.
Speaker 3:You muted. You muted something on the computer, is that, oh, you muted something on the computer. Is that I love technology? Oh, no, no.
Speaker 4:My headphones. Funny thing is we're gaining viewers.
Speaker 2:Yeah well, we're going to keep on gaining. We're going to keep on gaining.
Speaker 3:Just put the closed captioning on people you don't need to listen to us sing Tina Turner songs For our Spanish-speaking people out there.
Speaker 4:Hit your.
Speaker 2:SAP button. I don't get it. It's mind-boggling to me Because Weed on camera, just saying.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it does look good. It does look pretty good on camera.
Speaker 2:See that's playing. And microphone zoom audio.
Speaker 3:Did you change one of the settings on there when you fucking did? No, you sure.
Speaker 2:Positive 110. Orientation settings are disabled while live. What's that? Oh, portrait and all that shit. What is going on here?
Speaker 3:Was it something on here? No, you did mute something on there, yeah, but now it's unmuted. Is it something on here? No, you did mute something on there, yeah but now it's unmuted.
Speaker 2:Is it something on here? Nope, and good, good, good, we're getting all readings here. Master volume. That's on.
Speaker 3:How do we do this to ourselves?
Speaker 2:all the time. I have no dude, I don't touch you. Should have did a test run. Should have did a test run.
Speaker 3:This guy, fucking idea guy, all of a sudden comes out, but no one thought of that.
Speaker 4:Sometimes it's after the fact, you know, but it's still a good idea.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let desktop apps access your microphone. Desktop apps have previously access your microphone. Nice, we're up to five. No, we'll get there, don't you worry.
Speaker 4:We're coming, we're coming.
Speaker 2:Hello, how about that Allow apps and windows to use the device for audio?
Speaker 3:Does that work?
Speaker 4:Hello, hello. We're going to have to wait like eight seconds before we find out.
Speaker 3:Thanks Bill. Thanks Bill, what exactly? There's no audio? There's no audio.
Speaker 2:I want to kill somebody right now. It's amazing.
Speaker 3:I have no words. I should have just got fucking stink ass drunk again and not made it down the stairs. I don't think Kev would have picked me up this time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, look at this tab using your camera and microphone. Fuck you, kenny. At this tab, you're using your camera and microphone. Fuck you, kenny, not me. Apps using microphone Google Chrome Microphone access Are you kidding?
Speaker 4:me right now Like what the fuck. What the fuck was that? That was like the very first. Like we're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by. Oh my God, like the black and white TV would. I don't know what's going on. These microphones really pick shit up, huh.
Speaker 5:I'm crying.
Speaker 3:These are real tears. Well, no, it's weird, though, See that.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Oh wait a minute.
Speaker 3:The red cut the red. I feel like we should get the Swiss Army knife with the little scissors because there's different types of USBs.
Speaker 2:Army knife with the little scissors. Because there's different types of USBs. Now it's See that, see how it got muted.
Speaker 4:What does that mean? Now we should be good.
Speaker 2:Really, really, yo yo you, no, no, nothing yet really yo yo no, no, nothing yet hello, hello. I'm not getting any fucking reading to the yeah. No, there's nothing. No, alright, we're just unplugging everything and starting over.
Speaker 3:Ethernet's gonna have to come out. All right, we're just unplugging everything and starting over.
Speaker 2:Ethernet's going to have to come out.
Speaker 4:Oh, what was that? Ethernet? I heard a noise. It's from the computer, you dummy.
Speaker 2:What were you just talking about outside?
Speaker 4:I don't know no, that thing, the $6.
Speaker 2:Oh, it looked like your mic was unplugged. There we go. There it is. I don't know, I see it now. There we go. Hey, facebook. There it is. I don't know, I see it. Now, there we go, all right, hey, hey. All right, hey, facebook. Thank you for joining us. All right, we're going to hey.
Speaker 3:Hey, all right, let's turn that down now, yay, so what exactly was that? I want to cry right now. I really do. I think we should go right back to Tina Turner right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're right, maddie, you are 110%.
Speaker 4:I think that's too soft. I think we need some sauce.
Speaker 3:No, now we got enough. Here we go. You know what? I just want to find life beyond Thunderdome. I think Pat's getting ready to climb the wall with a spear.
Speaker 4:Oh boy, oh hey, hey, there we go, there we go. Gonna need more bourbon after that shit.
Speaker 2:Bonnie Tyler. She's hot Back in. Oh sorry, benny, oh sorry Back in 82. Is this thing on it's working now? Okay, there we go, how we out there in the real world.
Speaker 5:Yep, thing on it's working now, okay there we go how we out there in the real world.
Speaker 2:Yep, I was a fucking hero today. Fuck that. What we do in life echoes in eternity. You want to know what's going to echo in eternity? Throw that against the wall Now. We need some Chinese people working over here.
Speaker 3:Were there enough of them coming over to board, or can we grab one? Ugh, god damn it.
Speaker 2:Fucking. Nothing ever goes right, the first time or the second time, and we're the only podcast that'll call you back.
Speaker 4:We will call you back.
Speaker 5:T-T-T-T-T.
Speaker 4:Minds off, minds off I heard it Minds off.
Speaker 2:I heard you's off. I heard it Mine's off. I heard you, you, motherfucker, I heard you Always. Always an episode, somebody, all right TID show 2.4376539. Yes, friday, friday, right Friday night. Episode 2.4376539. Yes, friday, friday, right Friday night episode. Friday night special.
Speaker 3:We got a Friday night special Because we had a Sunday drunk time. We couldn't make it.
Speaker 4:Well, not Two thirds did. Yeah, I didn't get drunk.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah. Well, there were two people discombobulated that couldn't perform.
Speaker 2:Well, we got a few stories from the Thunderson estate you were LWI, living while intoxicated. He is fucking on fire today Very quick with his puns and his acronyms and his wit and his Gmail so quick Doesn't even know the password to that.
Speaker 2:I can't even get on him. I can't because everybody who was watching and left, unfortunately, is not going to hear us, and I love this man next to me as well. You should, and let it be a lesson to you, my friend when your friends are hard on you, it means we love you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Because if we weren't, I don't think we would have had a table.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, that's where you think that came from.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know, but all I know is you worked into the wee hours and I can't you think it came from me trying to please you Well. Touche, kevin, touche Um, you did work into the wee hours. You did put, uh, a lot of thought and dedication into this Um. Anytime, I tried to help him.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, that's just the way I get straight up. Stalin, he's the, he's the fucking architect. I didn't mean to call you Stalin, he's the contractor.
Speaker 2:Stop it, stop it. You were just very. You're in a zone, dude. You're like the guy from. You were very stern From this old house. Remember that show? You're that guy whittling wood and look who you come up with what's? That.
Speaker 4:What was?
Speaker 2:that that old, this old house. Remember that show? Yeah, you're that guy whittling wood and look what you come up with. I was so happy when I saw this and then I was like I'm going to cry when I had to put everything together with all the wires and shit and I was like it's not going to work. Obviously it didn't, yeah, so we bought these new cameras.
Speaker 3:Uh, we yeah, didn't yeah, so we bought these new cameras.
Speaker 5:Yeah, no good, We'll figure those out, we'll figure those out.
Speaker 2:So our money, silent money, man, phil Green, phil Green, philip Green, philip Green, green Berg no, anyone. Any of the crickets Right? I don't even know if I got crickets.
Speaker 4:We don't have crickets on this fucking thing, man.
Speaker 5:We got laughter Stop.
Speaker 2:The fuck. All right. Philip Greenberg, still not crickets? Yeah, I can't find them. Philip Greenberg, still not crickets? Yeah, I can't find them. Donated to the Take it Deep Foundation. That's a long applause.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, hey, there's a big donation. It was a big donation.
Speaker 2:It was a standing ovation. So Philip Greenberg got us some new microphones, these new fucking low profileprofile mic boom arms.
Speaker 3:So we can move around. You move the boom arm around. Oh yeah, you can sit back, you can sit close.
Speaker 2:You can move side to side Different attachments on it.
Speaker 4:Got us some software too right, attachments.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what kind of attachments? Well, it does plug in. You put in a vibrating dill or something, I don't know if you can get an xlr vibrating dill.
Speaker 2:Xlr is the wires. Oh, okay, I was trying what was it I was trying to explain to you outside gmail? Oh, I was bandwidth, yeah, the bandwidth, and you're like listen man trying to simplify it. So what do we need, from start to finish, to get this done?
Speaker 4:It's like what's the problem? What do we need?
Speaker 2:Well, I was like the problem is I'm in charge of doing this shit. That's the problem. I honestly think I got to take fucking technology cliff notes.
Speaker 3:Listen. For the most part you do a fucking bang up job.
Speaker 2:It's probably why I'm highly suicidal. I mean it's up there, no, no, no, I love it, dude.
Speaker 4:I feel like you're a YouTube video away. Man, like you watch the right YouTube video you're going to be like.
Speaker 2:I got it. How many more times do I have to say foot loser? How many more times do I have to say foot loser? How many more times do I have to say Not only that, we have fucking cameras that can record on SD cards at different angles.
Speaker 4:We have trees like trail cams.
Speaker 3:Oh, we got different angles. We're going to have to do a lot of editing.
Speaker 4:To be like candids for like a, you know, like the bonus DVD. Right, it's like oh boy.
Speaker 2:It's like girls going wild For like a you know, like the bonus DVD, right, it's like oh boy, it's like girls going wild bonus.
Speaker 3:But we're going to have. We're going to have TID show behind the scenes.
Speaker 2:We're going to have Kevin Derte Bacon. He's the actor that's coming in.
Speaker 4:No relation to Kevin Bacon. I think he name should just be like Crispy Bacon, not even Kevin name. What about Keith Crispy Bacon?
Speaker 3:You got to spell Bacon like B-A-C-E-N, like they used to spell Bruce Lee, bruce L-I Avoid copyright B-A-K-O-N, b-a-a-k-o-n, b-a-k-u-n.
Speaker 2:I'm german yeah I'm just okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've broken down the the video. I didn't want to drink tonight. I want you guys to know that, as you're over there.
Speaker 2:As you're over there, like you're literally Now, you're far away from me, kind of I'm closer A lot of space here.
Speaker 3:I'm closer than I was. You know what. You know why this is good, because when you really fucking aggravate me. I can just fucking pounce. I thought you were going to say pound.
Speaker 2:What are you pouncing on?
Speaker 3:I, I could just fucking pounce. I thought you were going to say pound. What are you pouncing on? I'll fucking come across this fucking table. I can't get to him. He's safe.
Speaker 4:I got to sprint, that's not happening, all I know is, I could just fall down. I'll totally be ready by the time you get here.
Speaker 2:I literally giggled the second, the corner caught him the first time. He was like oh, you did one of those that's when I knew this is a real deal holyfield table right.
Speaker 4:I think there's going to be a redesign.
Speaker 3:We may cut that corner off I kind of like the corner I could maybe, maybe we can mount my buzzer here it'd be like a special ed corner you know, maybe like take it in like, uh, like to here and just uh, no too much know like, but like come like.
Speaker 4:this way, though no.
Speaker 2:You know what this is going to evolve to. You know, right, the whole couch scene. That's what's going to evolve to the couch scene.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Well, if we send it to table, we could certainly fit a fucking sexual couch in here.
Speaker 2:Well, that's what I was trying to figure out. I was like what do we have to do? Have him slave like he did? I wouldn't do it again.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't go there. What we went through, like I have to make another table, no, no, no, no. What are you talking about?
Speaker 2:Making it as comfortable as possible. Sitting on a couch and just having, like the how to fucking boom arms, boom arms, right, no, no, have the boom arms connected to something that sits on the floor and you do that, or you can get one of a Where's that thingy? Oh, it's over there. It's like this flexible clip.
Speaker 3:We're not getting any viewers. I don't think anyone cares. This really started off bad.
Speaker 2:I had so much to talk about. People were so excited. I'm actually thinking about how bad this is right now.
Speaker 4:It's been a tough journey, all right.
Speaker 2:How can we spice it up? Very simple, how we can spice this up. I literally believe. The other night I saw a UFO. Here we go. The man was convinced, extremely convinced, not only convinced.
Speaker 3:I didn't even want to explain it. I want to see if you see what this guy sees.
Speaker 2:I don't worry about him. Before I even get into it. What's crazy is, before I even explained it to him, before I even get into it, what's crazy is, before I even explained it to him, he came back and told me what he's seen, and it was the same exact fucking thing. Weather balloon, no. So I'm outside smoking a cigarette. Clear is fucking. It's beautiful that night, cold out, and I literally just see this fucking thing shoot straight across the horizon.
Speaker 3:What thing Like a disc, like a large penis.
Speaker 2:I can't even explain it due to the like it wasn't breaking up. Okay, if something was entering the atmosphere, it was just an object, yes, straight. So no angle, no, nothing. And this speed at which it went from one point to another when I yelled what the fuck was that?
Speaker 3:How many gummies?
Speaker 4:None. Was it something that left a trail or was it something that just moved that fast?
Speaker 2:Dude, it was like blink of an eye like that and gone, because that's a big difference too, and gone, gone. It definitely was not. A blink of an eye like that and gone, because that's a big difference too, and gone, gone, it definitely was not a meteor.
Speaker 3:Do you think that it came into the hemisphere and it saw something?
Speaker 2:So I was thinking like you. That caught its eye Possibilities. Maybe I got a wink from a fast driver or something, you don't know.
Speaker 3:I was just thinking you were large enough for them to see you from there.
Speaker 2:See, we were going to try and keep this a positive show.
Speaker 4:What do you guys want me to do? Is that why?
Speaker 2:you're coming on me with my, with the fat shaming. What do you want me to build? I'll build it. Huh, I'll nip this in the bud right away A balanced diet.
Speaker 5:Oh, A balanced diet oh.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I mean, it's kind of the point right.
Speaker 5:Wow.
Speaker 4:I'm sorry, man, I felt like you teed that one up for me, so UFO.
Speaker 5:God.
Speaker 2:As you're doing that, I'm like I'm really hungry, so let's keep the fat shaming to the side. I'm gonna make sure I'm gonna. I'm gonna keep my innuendos to myself, so Kevin doesn't come back and shame me.
Speaker 4:Guessing fastball next one.
Speaker 2:No, no, not at all. So what really kind of made it separate from everything else? It wasn't coming in at an angle whatsoever.
Speaker 3:Just straight across the horizon.
Speaker 2:Straight across the horizon, straight across the horizon. So if you're out in front and you got like that, the driveway and that patch of trees right there, and if you look all the way to the edge of the house, those patch of trees right there, in a blink of an eye from there to there and gone. It was crazy, dude, absolutely crazy. I've seen shit here. What even to to dive into that rabbit hole even more. Did you know what's the um, what's the uh, the frequency? You could see the invisible ones on. You have to see the. What is it? What type of radar? The?
Speaker 2:trails, oh, the infrared, infrared, right so there is this thing that happened in space with the shuttle and this 12 mile long fucking thing was like loose right, and it was the shuttle that was taking care of it. Okay, that was videotaped in infrared, uh-huh. Okay, so it kind of gives you a size comparison, a scale. Yeah, for a 12-mile long piece of rod. It was like that black guy that sent the memes Barry Wood, barry Wood, it's like Barry Wood was out there. 12-mile rod, barry Wood, it's like Barry Wood was out there. 12 mile ride. So videotaped in infrared. You see all these invisible things, ufos.
Speaker 3:And how many were there? The vapor trails, you mean for the UFOs?
Speaker 4:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, so I know the thing you're talking about. Okay, keep talking. And like the things they're hard to discern what they are. You know, they almost look like uh, you know like what a cell looks like under a microscope and they look like the nucleus is pulsing right, um, like that's almost the shape I can explain it like there's like a definite outer border and a clear like inside and then almost like an egg yolk pulsating light thing. You know it's kind of weird, but yeah, there's a lot of strange NASA videos out there. Like if you just go through the archives, that's what those other things are called archives, right?
Speaker 3:Gmail. I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting ready to fall asleep. I can't imagine that anyone has any interest in this at all. Why, if?
Speaker 5:you saw you saw this no one.
Speaker 3:There's no one watching, no one cares are you trying to find it?
Speaker 4:is that what you're?
Speaker 2:doing. I'm trying to find it right now because of that footage they released and it was?
Speaker 4:it was fucking.
Speaker 2:I'm not, it's nothing new like no, it was bonkers, but like just the amount of of objects that you were able to see in the infrared vision that were flying around. This one piece, 12-mile-long piece.
Speaker 4:It's almost like a thousand ants gathered around, like a grain of fucking sugar, like a hundred gunners.
Speaker 3:And why are they invisible? Because they're moving. So fast.
Speaker 4:They're not necessarily invisible, they're just visible To the naked eye, you can't see it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:They're visible in the infrared spectrum. Are they predators? You know how you put on the glasses and the green shit A bunch of Epsteins. You can see the green shit. It's sort of like Predator.
Speaker 2:You are ugly motherfucker.
Speaker 4:It's just not in the visible light spectrum. Okay, you know. So, like humans don't really see it without a filter, gotcha.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, and the amount that you see is like mind boggling. Yeah, mind boggling.
Speaker 3:You know, what you're reminding me of is the movie they Live with Rowdy. Roddy Piper, you got to wear sunglasses, sunglasses on.
Speaker 2:Why do you think I put these on all the time? Just make sure.
Speaker 3:I think it's just so you can see the fucking keyboard.
Speaker 2:But yes, over over my fucking underbelly oh, I wasn't going but not like when I ever since I've seen that I'm like, wow, what do we? What is really really out there? I don't know man, and are they that pronounced of where there's that many going around where we can't see in the naked eye? And are there fucking aliens just running around the earth?
Speaker 4:Do you think it's at the level of V?
Speaker 3:The reptiles.
Speaker 4:I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum because I'm out of bubble gum, because there's been a lot of, you know at least, like I've seen a few things about, like like joe biden wearing a mask, like it's not really him, like I've seen shit like that, like v for vagina, v for vaginas vendetta oh, oh, you're right.
Speaker 2:Yes, great movie by V for Vigorous Vendetta.
Speaker 4:Oh you're right. Yes, great movie, by the way we're living it, yeah, totally. Just saying the past 8 years we've lived that shit.
Speaker 3:Hence the Tina.
Speaker 2:Turner song. That's why, like when we're sitting here talking about stuff and you're like, oh, you haven't seen that? I try, dude, like I am trying to separate Myself from what is going on in this world because I'm so afraid of shit actually happening, yeah, like now you're talking about we're gonna have the comet thing or the, the eclipse thing we're gonna have.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah, there's a comet walking dead. Like what, when and oh you're gonna see the devil's comet it's called so in the areas where there's going to be a totality for the eclipse, when the sun's completely, you know, overtaken by the moon shadow. Yeah, like you're going to be able to see stars because it's going to be that dark and you'll be able to see this thing called the devil's comet, which is like a Halley's comet time period comet, like it's like every 70 something years or so, so it doesn't come around all that often?
Speaker 3:Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? I love that movie. Love that movie. Sorry, sorry, thanks, jack. I know I know nothing about any of these things in which you speak. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Well, no, I didn't think you did. That's why I'm, that's why you're educating.
Speaker 2:I'm letting you know, man, thank you, but but it it's kind of alarming when people are actually telling people to make sure you have this, make sure you have that my son actually asked me this morning.
Speaker 3:He's like he's like he said something to me. It kind of bugged me out. He's like he said something to me. It kind of bugged me out. He's like you know, if you're the only male child in the family, you can't be drafted to go to war. And I was like interesting, who thinks he's going to?
Speaker 2:He thought he was going to yeah, so he's going to draft him.
Speaker 3:Well, my son brought this up this morning. He said he was discussing this with a couple of his friends and I'm like he's like fuck you guys, I was like well, I don't really think you're going to have to worry about it, because I honestly think the next world war is going to be fought in the United States, and the draft was abolished.
Speaker 4:Well they would really hesitate to bring that back. Let's see how well that goes over worked, it's, but I was.
Speaker 3:You know, just the fact that you know 14 year old kid had even that thought to look into, that was, you know, a little mind-blowing. Something's gonna happen, there's no two ways about it. It's just gonna be on what scale and exactly where is it gonna be. I, if it could happen in Calumet Colorado, it could happen anywhere.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying Browser lost fucking connection for a second. What the browser lost connection for a second? Did you say browsers? No, I love browsers. There it goes again. It keeps on kicking us off. We're gonna have to, uh, increase the bandwidth at the studio, I think goddamn fucking usbs shit um well, six dollar usbs I couldn't tell by fucking again dude I'll leave some cash on the table on my way out.
Speaker 4:Thanks, All right. Last time you threw cash around the table popped up I know what happened.
Speaker 3:Keeps on booting us. Does it have anything to do with the show?
Speaker 4:or is it just black tape?
Speaker 2:Isn't all this shit brand new? What's with the black thing? Oh, because that's the broken ethernet. Oh, ah, sorry, all right, moving on. All right, we're good now. Okay, we're golden, all right, and we're frozen oh boy, oh yep, we froze.
Speaker 4:Wow, we were putting out some content 10,000 episodes. Hey, downloads 10,000 episodes.
Speaker 2:I was like what the fuck are we doing wrong? We haven't talked about that yet, right?
Speaker 3:No, I don't know if we're connected. No, we are, we're still live.
Speaker 2:There we go. Should we save that for later? No, actually, you know what. That's actually a good thing, because I see the stuff scrolling on the screen, if you guys are listening out there and you hear how desperate we are in our voices.
Speaker 3:Alright, we were three grown men preparing to cry in my mother's basement.
Speaker 2:I sleep in a drawer. We know the end is coming. So, listen, if you're out there and you're feeling a little frisky, whatever donate some money to us. Don't feel? You know, feel free. We want to get, we want to be a household name. Unfortunately, it's very hard work.
Speaker 3:Listen, motherfucker, we can't get people to like and share our shit, let's do that.
Speaker 2:So, anyways, if you want to do that, go to our website the take a deep show dot com. The take it deep show dot com. Go there, sign up to our email. Can't remember the last time I checked it. Anyways, it's OK.
Speaker 3:Follow us on Instagram and Twitter.
Speaker 2:It's like at TID I feel like I'm working in LeBron James' sneaker factory sometimes, sorry, too soon, no, no, no. We're good, we're good, but we have to give a shout out. We're going on almost four years. August will be four years. Yep, we started in 2020. And now that I think about it, if you add those numbers together after four years Yep, we started in 2020. Now that I think about it, if you add those numbers together after four years, I'm like that's really not. It's really not that impressive, not impressive, but Well, there's been some breaks.
Speaker 4:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2:And I think that's the hardest part. That's why I love you guys to death, because we're still doing this. We still have a dream, we still have a goal. What's going to end up happening is one of us is going to end up killing each other yeah, and my money's on Kevin. Oh, I ain't dying. Or if he fat shames me one more time, he's getting smothered from a fat fucking belly with a pillow over his face. Can I just drink the bourbon and walk and you're going to fucking die from my underbelly.
Speaker 4:You'll never get past Gunner.
Speaker 2:He's fast Gunner's upstairs. I'm winded when I look at him, but we want to give a shout out to those who've been with us since, since day one.
Speaker 3:That would be Pat and I yeah.
Speaker 2:The loyalists. But we did reach 10,000 downloads recently through Buzzsprout and they gave us a nice little digital ribbon.
Speaker 4:A little fuck you email. Yeah, we got an award, we got a fucking. We're fucking telling you about it.
Speaker 2:Listen, I got a participation award. Oh, oh and Well we, Well, I mean, I'm sitting there looking at the ribbon oh, um, oh and we'll, we well, I mean. I'm looking at the, at the ribbon, I'm like it doesn't make me feel great, like should have been a nicer color. Yeah, give me like a free porn or something like something bright, you know. Yeah, something, give me a fucking little crystal. What are our stats on a good pod look like. Recently they've been fine. Yeah, we still. We still top five in most categories.
Speaker 3:It's the consistency thing, so the more you, you put out, the higher you go up, of course, um, it's just everything. We switched everything, so we're back outside the top 10. We gotta, we gotta, pull our way back and is that just like just their thing?
Speaker 2:yes, like not combined sort of stuff not well, while I showed you, if you look up the analytics of what our numbers look like through Buzzsprout Dude what happened to my phone.
Speaker 3:I think the internet's going crazy in this house.
Speaker 2:No, like everything, I'm signed out of everything.
Speaker 4:There's a lot of solar activity going on, so it could be like Just saying man, Listen, Mork From.
Speaker 2:Ork Nanu Nanu. That's probably my biggest fear. Is the world ending us being told last minute? But how Asteroid, Asteroid last minute. But how, like, how asteroid asteroid asteroid or unknown solar flare that's going to fucking hit us and burn us to death well, if we're going to go, there's no place.
Speaker 3:I'd rather be in a studio. I am yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm going to KY myself up. We could probably that.
Speaker 3:I'll burn quicker we could probably hide behind. Pat, let's have sex.
Speaker 2:Now with the fat guy. That was not an offer, I know. I know I'm sorry. Is this what you say to your son when, like, if I walk by, let the boy watch, watch the fat guy. We fat shamed him.
Speaker 3:I'm just happy it's off me for a change. He needs to know.
Speaker 2:He's got to watch. If he's going to float away or explode, all right.
Speaker 3:So asteroid or explode All right, so asteroid or solar flare yeah.
Speaker 2:That, or the shit that's going on with Yellowstone, where the lava is coming up, dude, if that happens. If that happens, it's the movie 2012.
Speaker 4:Yeah and sort of, but like we're not going to be able to fly away you know Yellowstone.
Speaker 3:How's that going to affect us over here?
Speaker 2:I'm sure we can find a Russian guy with a B-52 bomber. Honestly, bro.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like the size of that thing and the way the Earth rotates and weather patterns.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the explosion alone will put you into a nuclear winter We'll put you into a nuclear winter.
Speaker 4:Whatever happens, there is going to be here in a matter of a day and a half.
Speaker 2:You know you won't see the sun explodes.
Speaker 4:The safest place to be is probably like under my belly. Oh yeah, I was sued Hide under my belly. Yeah, Like that's really. Probably. The safest place is Mexico, the mountains of Mexico Now that I think about it.
Speaker 3:That's not so bad. The cartel, the ash and everything it's going to block out the sun.
Speaker 4:Just for the immediacy, that thing pops right. Think about the way the earth rotates and weather patterns yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Think about the first time you were with a squirter oh man, that was such a good time sorry sorry, like it's what club, was that at?
Speaker 4:it's gonna be like a my wife watches the show from like the, the ground zero point, like it's gonna. It's gonna go like a fucking triangle okay, but but what's gonna go? Ash and earth. And you know, like the, like nice, the ash is gonna kill you. It's not even the ash that you see, it's like the microscopic fiberglass.
Speaker 2:No plants will grow.
Speaker 4:No sunlight.
Speaker 2:You're not gonna be able to grow crops. Animals are gonna die Because they're not gonna be able to feed off of the plants.
Speaker 4:So we gotta eat everything fast. So take that Tongan Volcano that exploded underwater and like sent all that fucking water Into the atmosphere.
Speaker 2:The Caribbean version of alive, like.
Speaker 4:Take that and times it by Like a thousand, you know Like something that like blew up, like, maybe like the Pompeii.
Speaker 2:They said Yellowstone's a super volcano yeah, dude. And that if it erupts, it'll literally destroy the Earth.
Speaker 4:Like when? No, well, it's not going to destroy the Earth, like it's going to be a cataclysmic event for sure, but it's not going to just end life. Most of it Well, like it's happened before man, it's a repeat and life pressed on. That's the big question of what happened to the.
Speaker 2:Incas and those motherfuckers back in the day, Because there's a period of time when most of the population of the Earth disappeared. The dude that was on Rogan discovered that time period. There's a possible time period.
Speaker 4:I'm pretty sure that was smallpox and the Spaniards.
Speaker 3:So if this happens, is that what I have?
Speaker 4:It was those fucking white people again.
Speaker 3:So if this happens, and two very liberal-minded millennials survive. How long do you think the two guys are going to bang each other, trying to knock each other up?
Speaker 2:It's going to be like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Speaker 4:I remember the last thing they said was we could have a baby.
Speaker 2:You want to try, we could try.
Speaker 4:They said it was possible. There's an emoji.
Speaker 5:There's an emoji.
Speaker 4:What emoji there's a pregnant dude emoji. Yeah, you haven't seen that. You want me to send it to you.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:Shut up, bitch.
Speaker 4:He's coming back. I thought we talked about this.
Speaker 2:Sorry, sorry, I sorry sorry, and you know I thought I got a night off. Man, like I don't know about that, not like the more and more that like shit's going on. It it's it. Oh my god, man, I 46 now and being younger as a kid and not having any care in the world whatsoever, what goes on.
Speaker 3:Well, ignorance is truly bliss.
Speaker 2:And now it's just like I'm afraid to step outside one day and just do you know?
Speaker 4:what's funny is we grew up in the height of the Cold War.
Speaker 3:And we had no idea, no fucking idea, other than the Cuban Missile Crisis. We grew up in the height of the Cold War and we had no idea, no fucking idea.
Speaker 4:Other than, like the Cuban Missile Crisis, which was maybe the height, height, but it was a thing yeah, I feel like there were two Cold Wars, like that Cold War and like what came after. Yes, the pre. I tear down the way.
Speaker 2:I see it is this, because of the whole flower situation is the same day we get invaded by aliens is when Yellowstone happens and they negate each other out, and that's when you're like, fuck, I just wanted to meet one of them.
Speaker 3:Maybe the aliens will save us.
Speaker 2:I fucking sure hope so and hopefully that alien is like that little dude from um. What was that movie back in the day with that?
Speaker 5:Howard the duck, howard, anyone.
Speaker 4:That duck Ice anyone?
Speaker 2:Uh, no, actually, yeah, um, here you go.
Speaker 3:Oh, you're going for glass too. This is a special night.
Speaker 2:So what was that movie? The dude, the kid that was flying like that silver, the silver spaceship. What was the name of that movie?
Speaker 4:Flight of the Navigator. Yes or Howard the Duck, howard the Duck, disney movie.
Speaker 3:So it's gay. I like Leah Thompson in that movie. She's in that. She was in Howard the Duck Piece of age.
Speaker 2:It's crazy. You see that movie. I was watching a short Back to the Future too.
Speaker 4:What about Leah Thompson? Sorry.
Speaker 2:Is that Marty's?
Speaker 4:His mom, his mom in high school. I'm sorry, all the right moves that's oh his mom, His mom in high school.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry. All the right moves, that's all I have to say. Yeah, one of the most underreported pause scenes in VCR history.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 2:Would that be? What about the?
Speaker 3:No, what about the no? We all know what the most Paul scene is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, jamie Lee, jamie Lee Curtis, basic With the vagina.
Speaker 3:No, no, children, don't you know You're porn? I I know Fast times at Ridgemont High.
Speaker 4:Oh, dude, it's definitely Fucking Sharon Stone With basic. Well, she's, she's top three. Oh gosh, she, I know fast times at Ridgemont high.
Speaker 3:Oh, dude, it's definitely fucking Sharon stone with basically well, she's taught she's top three. Oh gosh, she was so fast, all right, so.
Speaker 4:So like I know what you're talking about, Fast times at Ridgemont, high Number one.
Speaker 3:you're talking to Phoebe Cates coming out of the pool.
Speaker 4:Yes, of course Right, but that's topless dude Like we're talking snatch. We're talking snatch on VCR.
Speaker 3:Take it Right, you know.
Speaker 4:But you're talking, we're talking most paws First of all snatch bro. It's about snatch there's definitely more people living in the 90s than there were in the 80s.
Speaker 3:You're talking about 90s snatch. That shit was not fucking trimmed.
Speaker 4:Oh, yes, it was. That was the beginning of trimming. I disagree. They may have Took down the edges.
Speaker 3:It depends, they more treated it like a hedge.
Speaker 4:You could have the Jean Benet or you would have the Hitler. The edges it depends. Back then they more treated it like a hedge. That was not back then. You could have the Jean Benet or you would have the Hitler. You know, like 70s, it was like a willow tree. What the?
Speaker 2:fuck did you just say? I remember what Opie and Effie would say the Jean Benet or the Hitler.
Speaker 4:Jesus fucking Christ Could have said like landing strip, bro Grass, on a few blue balls, a few other terms, we could you know Fuck.
Speaker 2:They called it the Jean Benet. I'm just repeating what they said. Maybe it's you. I think you're right Now that I think about it. Give me another scotch. It is me, Kevin. Maybe we should have a. We got one of those reclining chairs.
Speaker 4:Dude, all you gotta do is pull the lever on the side.
Speaker 3:Don't pull the lever. You're going down.
Speaker 4:Oh yeah, nope nope, oh shit, he's taking everything away.
Speaker 3:Oh, we're good we're good.
Speaker 2:So, Doc, this is the way I've been feeling the past few days. I feel fat. I've been really fat shamed and I was wondering what I gotta do.
Speaker 3:This is my advice to you Drink heavily.
Speaker 2:He was gonna say balanced diet. I know exactly what he was gonna say.
Speaker 4:Maybe one less serving. I was gonna say listen.
Speaker 3:I mean, maybe if he didn't make mashed potatoes so often.
Speaker 4:Oh, so it's my fault. I mean, could you make broccoli? Once in a while listen Maybe if he didn't make mashed potatoes so often yeah, oh, so it's my fault. Could you make broccoli once in a while? Are you saying I gotta go keto?
Speaker 2:Does the household have to go keto? For you Come carne fucking diet. It's called a meat diet.
Speaker 3:This is a wide ranging conversation, by the way.
Speaker 2:Seriously, man, it's all surrounding my fatness 90s Fox JonBenet.
Speaker 3:Back to Pat Aliens. It's crazy you can't say Hitler on the air anymore. No, I was talking about the strip. I understand what you were talking about.
Speaker 2:But we don't want it misconstrued. Why don't?
Speaker 4:you call it the Charlie Chaplin bro what? Why don't you call it a charlie chaplin? You know, like can't we make that I see.
Speaker 2:I see where your argument is society. I see that, like I see where it is.
Speaker 4:Yeah, why don't we do that at chaplin? That's chaplin, or charlie? Call it charlie chas, or is that too?
Speaker 3:like the chas, gotta deflect. You don't want to make fun of the germans?
Speaker 4:yeah, can we call it the chaz Is Charlie to Vietnam. No, I'm all for that one. We don't want to offend right Like we're. Oh, that's offensive.
Speaker 3:We're trying not to offend right, this guy I used to work with. I used to tell him I was going to go buy a rice hat and chase him around the office with my paintball gun, around the office with my paintball gun. Is that wrong? Is that incorrect? Society doesn't like that.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, we have breaking news. I don't think there's anything breaking about this at all. No, it's from Rollingstonecom. It's real.
Speaker 3:Is it a real thing?
Speaker 2:No, okay, we were just voted the most racist podcast.
Speaker 4:Breaking news. That was actually on time, you should have let that play. Okay.
Speaker 3:We'll just edit around that. That's going to be the whole show.
Speaker 2:We do apologize if we're offending anybody, but whatever, we're just trying to have some fun.
Speaker 3:Really, we're apologizing now. That's what we do. I'm thinking about my fat belly. You got to move on. I'm really depressed over here. You got to move on. I'll have another you got to.
Speaker 4:That's the problem.
Speaker 5:Wow, wow yeah.
Speaker 2:Sorry, come from one drink, joe, over here. What?
Speaker 4:What are?
Speaker 3:you talking to? Does it make you aggravated? Did his fucking? His engine runs on fucking Bourbon and mashed potatoes. He doesn't gain a pound. I don't even think it works on that.
Speaker 2:I don't know, really know, what's going on behind the scenes, so I don't know if Miss Thunderson is, we're robots. Possibility Kev.
Speaker 3:Listen, if you keep making those fucking mashed potatoes, I won't give a shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's do that. I need a fucking little whip sound. I don't have any whip sounds. You okay there, buddy? What's the matter?
Speaker 3:Knee just popped. Oh, I thought, you What'd you?
Speaker 2:do you were?
Speaker 4:sitting I moved. I moved Did you get bit again. You're sitting in a chair the whole time and you popped a knee, yeah.
Speaker 2:We're all about popping knees over here with some horny jazz. All right, why is it? Is it horny jazz? Is that how it's labeled? It says horn jazz, so I'm not wearing my glasses. Same, good enough.
Speaker 4:Trumpets Sousaphone.
Speaker 2:All right, so we need to decide. Okay, I think Billy's in for episode 100. Okay, all right. He sent me another text.
Speaker 3:All right, he sent me another text. Can you no longer hear?
Speaker 2:us From the looks of it. I don't think we're good, I don't think anybody's listening to us.
Speaker 3:My phone died so Merciful, solid, mercy, kill Solid.
Speaker 2:I could have made the show tonight if you gave me a heads up. I'm off next Friday, if you guys want. So he's trying to force himself in, but he can force himself in anywhere he wants to, he can take a deep cell block.
Speaker 3:Oh no, no, no, you can't say no, kevin's a cellmate.
Speaker 4:You know, I kicked the shit out of him, right?
Speaker 2:Oh, here we go. Can you explain this story, because it's the most ridiculous Actually, before that. Don't, don't explain it.
Speaker 4:Wait until he's here. You know what He'll tell it.
Speaker 3:I know he will he, and I have that story too. You know, Yep, it was a much different time. We got breaking news.
Speaker 2:Let me ask you a question, matty. Actually let me ask the listeners out there as well.
Speaker 4:I'm just saying last time that guy ever fucked with me. Well, that's not the breaking news, kev.
Speaker 3:You're popping Achilles tendon, getting out of that chair to fight him. Now. When is Give me a minute to warm up?
Speaker 2:Let me ask you a question when is the last time you woke up in the middle of the night and you decided I gotta go to the bathroom, oh Jesus Christ. And you pissed all over your dog's bed. Not only pissed all over it, did you guys hear that? Huh, not only pissed all over it, but the silent assassin went in to check to see how wet it was and if it smelled. That's not what happened at all. She said it to me. She said the egg crate stuff came back and caught her in the face you're jumping timelines, man the next day it was first of all.
Speaker 3:I'd be very concerned if I was pissing on a dog bed and the silent assassin showed up, because where the fuck am I at?
Speaker 2:He even knew what he was doing.
Speaker 4:When I was made aware of what I was doing.
Speaker 3:Perhaps, maybe you should start from the beginning.
Speaker 2:Perhaps you're like why stop midstream right?
Speaker 3:Perhaps you should tell the story. Okay, mr Rob's, so it's kind of funny it's a couple days ago, yeah, very, very recent um what were you doing during the day or evening um drinking?
Speaker 4:obviously no. No, I had a. I had a couple of drinks, but I wasn't like drunk. I was probably more high than drunk Gummy high, or I don't get gummy high.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's right.
Speaker 2:I forgot. You're impervious to that. Well, last gummy I had you might have, no.
Speaker 4:Actually after seeing what you look like, dude. That day I was smoking the fucking meat in the driveway Like what did I eat?
Speaker 2:I didn't feel those 15 gummies yeah, you're like oh, these taste good, they tasted great, but they taste. I didn't. I didn't feel anything.
Speaker 4:I think I got less filling anyway um, so um, yeah, uh, the middle of the night um got up take the leak, you know um is there.
Speaker 3:Is there a master bath attached to your bedroom? There is, yeah, okay, there is. Yeah. What part? What part of the room is that on? Is that on your side of the bed, or you like have to walk around the bed to to the bathroom, which happens to be on the assassin side?
Speaker 4:so if I were to get up out of bed, yeah, it would be on my side of the bed and I would walk that sounds so much easier, though, if it's on your side of the bed so it's a far walk. Um, we got like a, we got like a double sink, and then there's like a jacuzzi tub, and then like then, and then the piece you do like a walk-in closet, and then there's like a, then there's like the bathroom bathroom.
Speaker 3:What you explained sounds like six feet no no, no, it's not at the, at the Aubrey state, that's like four rooms.
Speaker 4:So if if you're thinking about it from the downstairs area, it's probably like the middle of the room with the piano in it that nobody goes in.
Speaker 2:What did where?
Speaker 4:The front door, the one that's.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay, the part that's Okay, okay, okay If you cut. The only time we use that is If you cut that room in half.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it looks like where the border's been crossed a few times.
Speaker 4:Right. So like front door to like, I would say like the refrigerator. It's a bit of a walk. Okay, you know it's good, so is it 15 steps?
Speaker 3:Is the room you know, is your room square no?
Speaker 4:no, no, no no, no, it's got a couple like corners and yeah, there's like the front bump out with the little fucking you know, polygon the Bellini boosters, sort of bathrooms on your side of the room. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Where's the dog bed located?
Speaker 4:It would be straight at a 90-degree angle away from where the direction of the bathroom would be.
Speaker 3:So where did you end up?
Speaker 2:Directly right of the TV.
Speaker 4:No, right in front of the TV that's mounted on the wall when the dog bed is underneath the TV a complete 90 degree angle away from where you should have been yeah, yeah and about 10 steps short no, so you did you okay here's a real question how far is it to the dog bed rather than to the toilet, did we?
Speaker 4:just cover that. No, it's really like the same distance Cause, like the, you know, like the, probably like the end of the bed to the wall is maybe, like I don't know, like three feet Did you did?
Speaker 3:you have to take like an electronic scooter or something from your bed to get to these places. It's a big fucking room, but I digress. Did you go? Austin Powers on us. So what happened when you got by the dog bed?
Speaker 4:I was woken up, that's the best way.
Speaker 3:I can put it that's the best way I can put it. Well, you were peeing so hard. No, no, no, no that you woke your wife up from a fuck.
Speaker 2:Don't say, don't.
Speaker 4:You say no, because she said she woke up because of the noise well, I'm just saying he made a big jump in the in the timeline of the story here not really.
Speaker 3:We were at the dog bed I'm beginning to conclusion like that.
Speaker 4:I'm not denying any facts here, I'm just saying like big jump, but yes.
Speaker 3:So just are you paying is a corner. How hard must he have been peeing to wake somebody up?
Speaker 4:I like a fire hose.
Speaker 2:So what had happened was that's how hard I pee when my belly releases a little bit.
Speaker 4:You know, like I thought I was in the bathroom. What do you want?
Speaker 3:man, it's so bright in here you didn't even reach to pick up the fucking toilet seat.
Speaker 2:I can't remember the last time the mirror was fucking talking. It was so bright. Oh, it's the TV.
Speaker 4:Mandatory thing in master bedroom is toilet seat is always up. That's how I run my household.
Speaker 3:So after your wife uses the toilet.
Speaker 4:I'm just kidding. I was going to say she has to put the toilet seat up, dude, you think if I was peeing on a dog bed? I'm concerned about the toilet seat at the toilet, no, not at all.
Speaker 2:That's when you turn and you're like I hope you fall in, if God. Hopefully that was the toilet seat at the toilet. Not at all. That's when you turn and you're like I hope you fall in.
Speaker 4:If God, hopefully that was the toilet. I mean, when I'm pissed I'm not even going to lie when I'm pissed at my wife.
Speaker 3:Sometimes I leave this seat up in hopes that she stumbles in half asleep and pops right in the toilet.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I hope the porcelain bruises you. I definitely do that Purposely.
Speaker 2:Oh, purposely. Oh yeah, fuck yeah dude, fuck yeah man. You know what?
Speaker 3:I'm gonna let you're like a little drip right there. I'm just gonna walk out so you're pissing like a fucking racehorse. Apparently it wakes your wife up pissing enough to wake a person you're pissing like sea biscuit, bro.
Speaker 2:You were pissing like sea biscuit.
Speaker 3:Thank god it was on the dog bed, because that would have been a fucking puddle were you peeing on any of?
Speaker 4:the dogs. I was just going to say this. There's still an investigation out as to if any dogs were R Kelly'd. Does that count as a storm out?
Speaker 1:Now, usually I don't do this, but uh go ahead and break them off with a little previews of the remix.
Speaker 4:Now, I'm not trying to be rude, but hey, pretty girl, I'm telling you, the way you do, the things you do, reminds me of my Alexis Cooper.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yes, yes, ladies and gentlemen, cps is involved.
Speaker 2:Fucking ASPCA was involved.
Speaker 4:I got someone coming to look at my fridge next week. I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2:You want to get R Kelly by the ice maker.
Speaker 5:Oh.
Speaker 3:The only thing that would make that story better. Is if the urine went through the floor Into Pat's room. That's the only way it would make it better.
Speaker 2:No, I said to him Imagine I was downstairs here, because every now and again when the dog pisses I'm like Kevin. What the hell is that he freaks out thinking it's water and it's fucking Scout the behemoth Just letting loose.
Speaker 4:Yeah, there's a spot, the behemoth Just letting loose. Yeah, there's a spot in the floor that there's like I would have been like A perfect storm of like a gap in the flooring where there's like a seam in the plywood. Leave it to Scout to find it out?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if his fire hose was going up like dude, this place is going to flood. Is that a spare?
Speaker 3:There's fucking urine everywhere.
Speaker 2:Seriously, the fly there's fucking urine everywhere.
Speaker 3:Seriously, there's an R Kelly gangbang going on upstairs right now. Are those dogs underage?
Speaker 2:I heard him say something about golden showers.
Speaker 3:Oh my god, yeah, I'm owning that shit. Changing Gunner's name from Gunner to Goldie.
Speaker 4:Goldie Hawn Enough dogs have pissed in my house Might as well be some of my piss. You're like, yeah, take this bitch.
Speaker 2:I can just see Scout.
Speaker 3:Many years ago at the fraternity house, we had a dog that wouldn't stop shitting in the house.
Speaker 4:Scout, probably would have been like that, just accepting it.
Speaker 2:She's such a whore.
Speaker 4:He loves me. She would have been like Salon Selectives commercial Dude that dog.
Speaker 2:That dog kills me Because every time she walks by she'd be like She'd give me a stare down. I'm like what the fuck? And she'd come over Fucking paw. Love me, you have been banged out 40,000 times by Gunner. Matter of fact, Gunner was Fucking your face last night. Get out of here and stop trying to lick my face, the only thing left here.
Speaker 4:You know you're taking this home.
Speaker 2:I'm attractive. Her fucking meat curtains are hanging down to the ground like a wizard's sleeve.
Speaker 3:It's like Pat at 2 am.
Speaker 2:Roast beef sandwich. Now I'm hungry, I could go for a roast beef sandwich. Now I'm hungry, I could go for a roast beef sandwich.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna accept this and maybe I'm going to Cameron's on the way home.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna blow myself up. Oh yeah, cameron, could you show us how to work the board before you do that? Nope, and matter of fact, matty, I can't show you how to use the board because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I think we haven't we've figured this out. I have no clue what's going on. I'm like, oh, look at that red button. That's it. You know, it's not that hard. What is hard is, besides, my gut Thunder's pee-pee is you know what I've been dying to say all night? What?
Speaker 4:Fat guy in a little coat. I'm sorry, dude, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I don't even know. I don't even have sound effects for that shit.
Speaker 3:You're right, kevin oh, you brought the fuck jar sound back yeah, you're right.
Speaker 2:You're right. I'm sorry, I'm fat and I accept it. At least I don't have a dicky-do. That's all that matters to me. What's that? Your belly goes further out than your dicky-do. Ooh, as long as I don't have a dicky-do, I'm good. Sometimes it's a little difficult to lean up at night like I'm doing. Stop Sit ups, it hurts Jesus Christ and I've got a cramp in my side.
Speaker 3:Can we start talking about the aliens again and all?
Speaker 2:I'm doing is I'm turning three degrees what the fuck? And I'm all in cramps. Kevin, I'm going to start doing ab crunches, let's go.
Speaker 5:Three degrees port yeah. Maybe start start walking around the neighborhood.
Speaker 2:You know that's what I do Walk around the neighborhood. Who's the fat guy?
Speaker 4:Take Gunner for a walk.
Speaker 3:Who's the fat pedophile? Which house does that guy live?
Speaker 2:in. Seriously, you look like John Wayne Gacy Fat. Who's a fat?
Speaker 3:clown. It's a fat Ted Bundy.
Speaker 2:Seriously, it's the fat queen fan. He's got 16 chins. He thought the camera made him look fat. Look at him in real life.
Speaker 3:It's like Stay Puft Marshmallow man. It starting to get this starting Just more and more depressed. It's OK, starting to get uncomfortable, yeah.
Speaker 2:I need to eat. I got to eat my feeling.
Speaker 3:It's a pasta to make myself feel better.
Speaker 2:I'm going to go out and get a pint of ice cream.
Speaker 4:I need cream cheese.
Speaker 2:Well, it doesn't help that I eat fucking. I hardly eat, but when I eat, it's fucking macaroni and cheese. A lot of mac and cheese.
Speaker 3:Every now and again, some cold cuts and then what do you put the ham in the mac and cheese. No, that's a good idea.
Speaker 2:That is a good. You know what? I got? A couple of boxes upstairs. I still got some ham left.
Speaker 4:You should wrap that shit in the ham like a rollatini.
Speaker 3:I might even grill the ham for a second, for a second Wrap the mac and cheese in the ham like a rollatini.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but then you gotta, you gotta kind of cook yeah you gotta cook, gotta cook, throw some cheese on it. I'm ready to die from my heart exploding. Let's go, maybe some bacon.
Speaker 3:Yeah, some lard. I'm so hungry right now. What do you got upstairs?
Speaker 2:Seriously, and it's hard to be skinny when I'm at the Thunderson's Well Cause, when, mr Thunderson, the Thunderson's are both skinny. Let me tell you something about Mr Thunderson cooks the Thundersons are both skinny Let me tell you something about Mr Thunderson's cooking.
Speaker 3:And Thunderson's daughter is also skinny and she fucking eats carbs like a motherfucker. Obi-wan's pretty skinny too. Obi-wan is skinny, I don't bring him up, though.
Speaker 2:He's like transparent. It's like a twig. It's almost like the movie Cocoon. That's why he wears the cloak. I thought he was a wizard. I'm like, wow, you show up Real wizardry, sketchy, more like it. And what was it the other night? Oh no, he's sitting at the table. I'm watching tv and I hear it's like he was putting stuff on the plate and I just text Kevin, I'm like frozen french fries.
Speaker 3:You just want him to run downstairs and lose his shit, he was microwaving something.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and you said it was a pizza bite, like french fries pizza rolls pizza rolls you don't microwave pizza which are also horrible it's it's acceptable.
Speaker 2:no, sorry, it's it's more acceptable than French fries. I think I'm very it is.
Speaker 4:I'm all about texture.
Speaker 2:Maddie, let me ask you a question Are you microwaving it or are you going to suck it up for 15 minutes?
Speaker 4:I'm not saying what you're doing. I'm saying it's more acceptable to microwave the pizza rolls.
Speaker 3:Is it 2 am after a bottle of bourbon?
Speaker 4:No, it's like 11.
Speaker 3:At 11 o'clock at night. I'm probably throwing them in the microwave, right yeah, like lunchtime-ish Lunchtime is, I'd probably throw them in the oven, don't get me wrong man 400 degrees. I am Air fryer 6 minutes.
Speaker 2:I am always ready to get on it Actually 5 minutes in the air fryer. Air fryer, 400 degrees, boom, Crispy as hell. It's still molten. And you know when you're so hungry, you want one of those pizza rolls and you're like, yeah, I'm going to eat it. And you burn your whole face, fucking root for your mouth and you ruin the week, but you feel great afterwards, that's a few day at least, right?
Speaker 2:So there's a thing for your food truck Pizza bites With a special sauce. Jack sauce, miehoffer, I got that cream sauce for you. You know you do what's a good thing that goes with a pizza bite. What can?
Speaker 3:you go with Other than marinara? Nah, it's too.
Speaker 4:It's too heart burning hard everything that went with it be in the bite itself pretty much like you're not like, don't?
Speaker 2:you want a?
Speaker 3:little pizza bite. You ever have a fried ravioli when you dip a fried ravioli in kevin you, you red sauce first of all, I don't know if you notice this gut, but it takes work.
Speaker 2:And if I had pizza don't fucking talk to me like that Wow, this escalated quickly. I would get pizza bites and mix up ketchup, mayonnaise, hot sauce, pepper and garlic powder. Ketchup, mayonnaise, hot sauce, the green chilies, salsa Verde no, what's the Fuck? How come I can't remember the hot sauce Sashios?
Speaker 4:Chula Smurgles. What else is fucking green man Like what the fuck is green it's.
Speaker 2:I know what you're talking about the green hot sauce, but it's also like a regular hot sauce, but they have the green pepper hot sauce Right.
Speaker 3:So where the fuck do you think the ketchup and mayonnaise mixed with anything?
Speaker 2:on a pizza roll. I'm telling you right now, no, you would be at. No. I'm telling you right now no, okay, nope, okay.
Speaker 4:Nope A cheese pizza roll Shaking my head too.
Speaker 2:Dude, I don't care what you're saying there. Emeril, roll you should.
Speaker 3:There's a reason I got this? Yeah, because you're eating fucking pizza rolls with mayonnaise.
Speaker 2:You'd be very surprised how good it tastes late at night. Don't fucking doubt me and my utter obesity. Okay, I might as well get vaccinated. I have underlying effects. We're done, that's it. I've been fat shamed all night.
Speaker 3:You fat shamed yourself. I'm going to fucking fat shame my dick on your face.
Speaker 2:You fat shamed yourself. No, kevin, this all started a week ago.
Speaker 4:It was a long. Oh, this happened in a week Dark cold night, that's all that took was a week.
Speaker 3:Wow, how long have we been fucking talking to each other? An hour and 15. Because nobody's fucking watched us at all. So what, that's fine. See, you know what you?
Speaker 2:need more of Dedication. Nobody's fucking watched us at all, so what, that's fine, that's fine For some. See this you know what you need more of Dedication, that's a good word. You got any mayonnaise upstairs? Yeah, I'll eat it right off his fucking spoon. Let's go Some hot pepper Pizza bites A little flavor A little zing.
Speaker 2:Actually no, no, dude, no flavor zing. Uh, actually. No, no, dude. No joke, some cayenne. My dad uh used to make the. You ever have spadini? Yes, you know what spadini is. Yes, it's like the ground round it's rolled up right in. He made those the other night. I haven't had that in years. Oh wow. He's like oh, I got no leftovers. I'm like why are you sending photos of that if there's none left? I don't want to see that that's in your belly. I want something that I can shove down my throat. You ever ask Bidini? I thought you were talking about cock. It's like my father would get a ground rum and pound it down like real thin bread it and then stick a toothpick through it and then bake it, and it came out like this crispy fucking piece of meat. It was awesome. And mayonnaise and ketchup, I guess yeah.
Speaker 3:Mayonnaise and ketchup on ground beef is okay.
Speaker 2:Now I see why I'm really fat, because I have a lot of mayonnaise and ketchup. You're making me hungry for the Whopper.
Speaker 4:Well, I mean that Mike's mayo is. You know, maybe next time it'll be salt and pepper Right or some turkey.
Speaker 3:Have you, by the way, tried Jersey Mike's yet how about you have a piece of turkey and a piece of lettuce? How about that? Have you tried Jersey Mike's yet?
Speaker 2:No, you know what? I'm not going to try them anymore.
Speaker 3:You know what? Well, you don't have to get mayo on it, you can get it in Mike's way. Doyle and Bennett say it asshole.
Speaker 4:We don't want you to try it anymore. After we heard your stories about fucking ketchup and mayonnaise, you're disqualified.
Speaker 3:You put mayonnaise on a hot dog Hell. No, I'm just checking. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fucking offend you.
Speaker 2:You've got to understand, though, when you're mixing mayo and ketchup, it's just, it's fucking ghetto French dressing. So time out, that's all. It is Not with our derelish.
Speaker 4:That's Russian. That was an island. I've never had mayo on a hot dog. But now I'm curious, you know like, have you ever had it on it? No, have you?
Speaker 2:you have, can't you tell?
Speaker 3:oh, it's shifting thoughts, are it's?
Speaker 2:my cholesterol's through the roof. Four degrees to the right like thoughts sites are on maddie now like I almost feel like it could be. See, I like this because of the boom arms.
Speaker 4:Now we can turn, or it could be not bad right.
Speaker 2:You know what? It's the hot dog flavor.
Speaker 4:I need to know what he's going to say right now.
Speaker 3:I'm thinking of the hot dog flavor.
Speaker 4:I don't know what you're going to write home about.
Speaker 2:But it's the hot dog flavor.
Speaker 3:I get a hankering for a hot dog with mustard and onions. I don't get a hankering for a hot dog with mayonnaise. Yeah, that's like.
Speaker 2:Okay, I didn't even want to tell you what. That is All right.
Speaker 3:I mean really, my thinking is this A hot dog's like bologna. You want a dirty dog.
Speaker 4:The only reason why I ask is because in Avengers Endgame, tell me, tony, the very beginning, beginning like the Hawkeye kids family scene oh, yeah, yeah on a hot dog just like piqued my interest is all.
Speaker 2:I just, I don't know it's the. I'm just thinking like a hot hot dog with hot mayo on.
Speaker 4:It just doesn't sound right but I've had hot things with mayo on it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but a hot ham sandwich with mayo on it just doesn't sound right, but I've had hot things with mayo on it, yeah, but you have a hot ham sandwich with mayo on it?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's. That's totally different, it's just the taste, yeah, you know, you know the taste of the do that I never.
Speaker 3:Never understood that. But yeah, people I've had it.
Speaker 2:It's not you don't, you don't notice it you know it's right, it's like it's good you don't notice it right the taste of the hot dog, which is all the lips and assholes that are left over.
Speaker 4:We're the hot dog. We just call it the hot dog. Lips and assholes, you know Great outdoors, bro, we're the hot dog.
Speaker 2:You know, old 96er, the fucking man.
Speaker 4:I still love hot dogs, always going to love them. Yes, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Have you been to the new place when All Time Hot Dogs? Where is this? It's in the CVS Plaza in Carmel Cross and Putnam Plaza. The guy used to have the hot dog truck on T11.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I saw that on.
Speaker 3:Facebook. Yeah, how is that? It is pretty good Now see.
Speaker 2:Cross and Putnam, yeah, where the old Pagoda Kitchen, where KFC is Like by.
Speaker 4:Sal's.
Speaker 3:Yes, a food truck. No, no, it's a hot dog. He got it rented a storefront. Oh, brick and mortar, yeah. Instead of doing dirty water because he got thrown out of the place by 311, because this fucking town sucks, he decided the parking ride, yeah.
Speaker 2:He decided to do glory hole dogs.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, he used to be out. You know what they do. They sell the honey, sometimes 312.
Speaker 4:311, 312. 312. What a big difference, bro.
Speaker 2:Glass building.
Speaker 4:I'm just saying dude big difference.
Speaker 3:Yeah, your fucking directions are horrible. Eat shit, gotcha.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, north and south. Okay yeah, really yeah. Okay yeah, really yeah, okay. I was actually Dying to go today For a couple of dogs I couldn't get out, but you ever go to Wandering Dave.
Speaker 2:Yes, I thought you were Going to say Wandering dicks. I was like what?
Speaker 3:Those guys used to, because you're Where's Wandering, dave Gay, those guys used to Drive a dually. They used to work At Clock Tower Grill. Uh, dooley, they used to work at clock tower grill and uh, yeah, yeah, um kind of fucking stole Some recipes and shit and open his own Fucking thing. Yeah well, yeah, I like rich and cassie dave could suck my dick. You heard it here.
Speaker 2:First people. Sorry, I think that's what we need. True, we need a good fucking hamburger place, like a burger place Red Rooster, something new, something new, something different.
Speaker 4:Do you want me to go burger place instead of food truck? Well see, would that be easier? Yeah, Of course it would. You have one menu item. Yeah, like 47 burgers you would have to do different kinds of burgers? Yeah, but you have one source ingredient. It's a big difference.
Speaker 2:The forecast is rain, burger Wow.
Speaker 3:What would be on a rain burger, aside from the jack sauce?
Speaker 2:The polyurethane that was put on that table yesterday Just waiting for it to dry those old onions that they used to put in, like fucking the medallion onions, like a cream sauce.
Speaker 4:The pearl onions Like pickled the pearl onions Like pickled pearled onions.
Speaker 2:There you go. That's it right there.
Speaker 3:On a burger. You'd have to have a fatty Farben burger. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you know what? No, I ain't making that.
Speaker 4:That's why your coat don't fit.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna eat that. Give me a blooming onion burger. That's why you're.
Speaker 3:Koto, why can't you just fry a fucking onion and put it on a burger? You got to talk about his culture. I just want an onion ring. I mean, jesus Christ man, with some ketchup, that's not right.
Speaker 4:How about a veggie steak bro?
Speaker 3:Perhaps, maybe you should eat an impossible burger.
Speaker 4:Maybe give it a try. You ever hear of broccoli.
Speaker 3:Maybe the next time you make fucking ribs or something.
Speaker 2:Matter of fact, the only way you're going to be able to live. You become vegan Because you're going to explode. Able to live. You become vegan because you're going to explode. I'm dead. Fuck that dude. I enjoy my body. It's my fucking playland, my motherland, whatever you want to call it. I'm going to throw up on my soda glass. Well, I would see why if I looked at myself in the mirror like that too. If Pat did, he'd be a little skinny here. Ah, this guy. You know what Kevin Bulimia is an exercise Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Oh fuck, Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:There's nothing wrong with a little bulimia a couple times a week.
Speaker 2:You know I take everything back, that I said nice earlier. I do not love you anymore. You know, intermittent, I hope when you fix the table it falls on you now. And the fact I can't pick it up to save you. How about that? Because you can't bend over, for no, exactly, I'm already out of fucking breath watching you.
Speaker 4:I feel like the audience missed out on what I just said. They did.
Speaker 2:We're done. What an hour and 24 minutes. What a waste.
Speaker 3:Look at this guy, king of tying knots. We can edit this down to four minutes. Fat, fat and fat. I'll tell you when we get off schedule. We get all fucked up.
Speaker 2:I think that's what we need to fix.
Speaker 4:How do we do that? Maybe like Zoom, yeah.
Speaker 2:Zoom, or perhaps not get fucking obliterated. You know research and shit like that, you know.
Speaker 4:Or maybe we have like a Wednesday plan like meet at the fucking studio, have a dinner, talk about shit. You know what you know.
Speaker 3:That's what I think. It's nice for the the guys. I just have to walk down a flight of steps what does that mean?
Speaker 4:like I feel like you guys are the guys that are walking down.
Speaker 2:Did you tell him about the fake ruler?
Speaker 4:you know I'm a leg to see if, like, I feel, like I'm not one that has to worry about, like, like fucking getting in here and feeding you.
Speaker 3:No, you don't have to feed us, but fuck, it's hard enough to get here one day a week to do the show. Now I got to fucking come here for another night.
Speaker 2:Well, Matty there's sometimes, I really think there's some excuses. Oh is that where we're going with this, patrick. I figured I'd put some attention on you, since I've been called fat all night, jesus. I figured I'd put some attention on you, since I've been called fat all night, jesus. I think I'm having a heart attack Again. It's because you're fat.
Speaker 4:Shut up Kevin.
Speaker 2:You know you survive a stroke. Dick On air.
Speaker 3:Yeah, come back the next week and do it Actually actually, coincidentally, Austin went downstairs and peed on him and I was like, ah, ah, ah. He came upstairs and I got pissed on him. He didn't really move much. I feel like Corky from 8 is enough.
Speaker 2:Oh, sorry Wow.
Speaker 4:I don't think you're fucking old enough to make that reference, man, why?
Speaker 3:I think this episode is now entitled Corky.
Speaker 2:Now Shane Gillis is going to hate us now. Fuck Shane Gillis. I love Shane he. Now shane gillis is gonna hate us now because we're making fun. Fuck shane gillis too. I love shane. He's fun he is fun.
Speaker 3:He is great. If he doesn't like what we do, fuck him no, he don't care, dude.
Speaker 2:What was it? His saturday night live special, he said the first person that contacted him was kid rock you've done something really wrong when he's like the first thing. He's like how do you think you did? And he's like you know, when he asked you that, he's like fuck, did I fuck up?
Speaker 3:You got a question why Kid Rock's the first one blowing up your phone in the first?
Speaker 2:place. The fact that he said retard and then started talking about all of his down syndrome Family. Some of the other skits that he did Like totally pushed the envelope from normalcy. What Saturday night live does my? Just because they've been, they've been what they've been down the gutters for how long.
Speaker 4:but none of it was anything he had never done before.
Speaker 2:No, exactly, you know, it was all old material that he and I thoroughly enjoyed, because I used to love watching Saturday night live, growing up to where it was where I couldn't watch it anymore. It was horrible, and they did a complete 180 by bringing him back after they fired him.
Speaker 3:So I was at my friend Ray's for St Patrick's Day and he just had his backyard done. Fucking beautiful fucking big ass patio and outdoor bar.
Speaker 2:Like beautiful fucking big ass patio and outdoor bar like beautiful fucking setup. Wait, kenny just said texas toast bacon cheeseburger. Okay, rookie, what are you adding on that there, kinger?
Speaker 3:probably mayo and ketchup. So we're at this party and, fuck d, I start getting fucking banged up like I normally do, because that's my role yeah, sure man. So there's a bunch of people, non fraternity brother around and I say really loud in front of everybody I'm bringing back the words retard and faggot. And it was like the needle came off the record man. People were not ready for it. And it was like the needle came off the record man, people were not ready for it.
Speaker 2:I am proud of you for taking a stand Faggot. It's a long applause. They're still going.
Speaker 3:I deserve that Big Bowling, god're still going.
Speaker 2:I deserve that.
Speaker 4:Big.
Speaker 2:Bowling. God damn, yeah, what was the other word? That was all night man, jesus. No, I totally agree. I was telling him earlier. I was watching a scene from Rescue Me.
Speaker 3:Oh, Dennis Leary. It was Dennis Leary.
Speaker 2:Yeah, him. Earlier I was watching a um, a scene from rescue me. Oh, dennis leary, yeah, and he was taking like the sensitivity training with all the other guys. Oh, that must have been phenomenal, dude. I'm listening to it. I'm like this would never fucking be played right now, because he starts. He starts saying chinking and gook about chinese people. He he's like hey, you know, the chink is riding down on his bicycle with fucking 10 pounds of Chinese food with him. And then the Spanish dude. He's like I don't get it. He's like everybody else has four racial slurs and they only call me a spic. And then, dude, it was fucking nuts.
Speaker 4:Absolutely nuts. Well, it's like blazing saddles.
Speaker 3:I'm almost starting to feel like we should have brought this up in a live show. You can't what.
Speaker 4:Blazing saddles is a lost. Oh you, that humor is lost. Like I'm sorry. It's funny, it is, it's funny people. Do you want to see it? It's jokes. Oh, you're going to play it.
Speaker 2:It's jokes, but in the same sense Send it straight to the fucking email. We're going to play this right here. We're going to get in trouble. You want to get in trouble? Yeah, damn, let's do it. That's what we do. I was trying to talk like Conor McGregor.
Speaker 3:That did not fucking work out. You sound like Corky again. We're going to change our logo Matty Orbs and Corky.
Speaker 2:We'll put a helmet on the shot glass. That's just terrible. I feel like Paul Thorpe.
Speaker 3:He got so mad at me that I wouldn't respond to any of his messages. He unfriended me on.
Speaker 4:Facebook.
Speaker 2:Oh really yeah because he was probably yelling out some racial slurs. All right, this is what Kinger says about the bacon Irish cheddar garlic mashed on the burger.
Speaker 3:No, no. If I want the chipmunks pie, I go to an Irish joint. I wouldn't go garlic mash On the burger?
Speaker 2:No, no. If I want a chip with pie, I go to an Irish joint. I wouldn't go garlic mash, I would probably do like a potato pancake.
Speaker 4:Like we're not talking, 3 am wasted burger. No, we're talking about something people are going to pay for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like this underbelly.
Speaker 3:To be honest with you, the Texas toast thing I could take or leave. I don't particularly care for it, you know.
Speaker 4:honest with you the texas toast thing. I could take or leave. I don't particularly care for it. You know, it's like a brioche, it's like a grilled cheese with a burger in it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly anytime I made when I was living in poughkeepsie, like rider loved when I made burgers with a brioche roll but I put a ton of shit on it. Yeah, oh, that's a great foundation for a burger. It it is Toasty McToasterson. That's why I'm fat. I got it, kev. I totally got it. We had double burgers. Any fans out there who know of a good cardiologist? We had triple cheese double burgers. They were great. Triple cheese double fat.
Speaker 3:I also have a triple cheeseburger. I'm getting a hankering.
Speaker 2:All right, so we're going to share this with. We're going to share this right now, Okay, so everybody out there who's watching you're going to see this. This is a clip from Rescue Me back in the day with Dennis Leary and a bunch of other people the day with Dennis Leary and a bunch of other people. Let me know if this would actually be played right now on TV. I think we're going to get canceled for this Awesome, let's go. I'm with you, I'm in for it. What about you there, kev?
Speaker 4:We need to break it. Let's do it.
Speaker 2:Fucking roll film man. Let's fucking go. News at 11. Let's go See if this works.
Speaker 3:Can I take it? It's prejudice? We all think, okay, we have a hand up.
Speaker 2:You think you're prejudiced?
Speaker 5:Yep Against who? Well, let's see Chevy Neons. It costs $12,000 to buy, but have $8,000 paint jobs and nine spits inside them smoking weed, that's one thing.
Speaker 3:Okay, now listen.
Speaker 5:The term spic. That's okay. Well see, that's really not Crazy chink broads who don't know how to drive in the first place. And now they've got cell phones stuck to their ears while they're doing 65 miles an hour down 6th Avenue. Got crazy chinks on bikes with 10 pounds of Chinese food strapped to the handlebars.
Speaker 4:See the word chink is what I like to call a problem word. If I were a chink, I'd rather be called a chink than a gook.
Speaker 2:Okay, now hold on, listen to me please. Chinese people would not like to be called gook or chink, or pan face or zipper head.
Speaker 1:See, that's another thing. What about for the Ricans? We get shafted, even when it comes to races. Chink's got what Like four ethnic slurs. We get one Spick. That's it. The Irish, they got Mick Patty Donkey. Italians, they got Guinea Wap Dago, yeah, spaghetti.
Speaker 4:Bender Ah, Spaghetti Bender went out of style during Cedantro's first match. Get even Greaseball, yeah, greaseball.
Speaker 5:There you have it. That's four, that's right. You know what? Same thing with the Jews, right he Pike, jew Boy Benny.
Speaker 1:Shylock, that's book, giant car baby. It's endless. Totally unfair yeah.
Speaker 2:How long ago was this show out? This was on FX. Yeah, what Are you kidding me? Like how long ago that show wasn't out that long ago First matter of fact that was one of my favorite TV shows of all time, Personally.
Speaker 3:I thought that was an early episode of Take a Deep Show for a second.
Speaker 2:We were just testing the waters right there and see if we get canceled or not. There's a couple he forgot.
Speaker 3:I guess you can only go so far.
Speaker 2:Listen, unless you want to make another table buddy.
Speaker 4:Holy shit man.
Speaker 2:We're going to zip it, we're going to keep that quiet. How does that sound? See, I miss shit like that, because now, if you think, any of the movies that came out in the past would not even be able to get released today.
Speaker 3:Well, the Little Rascals? They don't play the Little Rascals anywhere, it's the White Spot.
Speaker 4:What'd you just say, what? What'd you just say what? What'd you just say I don't.
Speaker 2:You said Snow.
Speaker 4:White, I think I just sneezed.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, it is March 22nd, 1024 pm. Is this a conspiracy theory when the fuck did that come from?
Speaker 3:Was that the New Age Disney thing?
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, man Right.
Speaker 2:Let's find out. Breaking news. Breaking news Disney just announced or Kevv either way, I think kev's boots on the grounds in disney. I think it was disney first, so you got it from disney. It's uh, snow white's black well, so is ariel.
Speaker 4:And like isn't everything disney black now yeah, it's well.
Speaker 2:Are the dwarves black?
Speaker 4:no, no, no the dwarves they're not dwarves anymore they're not dwarves, they are what's the?
Speaker 3:title they use story shot oh no, he not know this.
Speaker 2:I don't think he knows this. Oh god, all the dwarves were replaced by little people.
Speaker 4:No, lbgq, lbgq yeah, yeah, yeah, versions of them. Yeah, you don't know that dude. Oh god, come on, man like, how old is this dude?
Speaker 3:like fucking really.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like, like. First you're looking at me like you're all judgmental. Now you're looking at me like you're all judgmental. Now you're looking at me like what, like, really Like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:In July 2023, footage of the production from Berkshire revealed that the depiction of the seven dwarves have been reimagined for the film, consisting of only one actor with with dwarfism, along with six other non-dwarf actors of varying ethnicity, six males, one he peering the dwarf. Like what the?
Speaker 4:fuck. Can you wait for the ending, please? God damn it, man.
Speaker 2:You ruined every movie like just listen to the facts bro it said after initially denying reports that these images depicted the actual film production, Disney later confirmed that they did indeed depict the production, the stand-in actors substituting for the leads, the already confirmed actor Martin Kleba not appearing in said footage. The decision is to reimagine the characters.
Speaker 4:I can't believe you didn't know this man why?
Speaker 2:As well as potentially taking away acting opportunities from the dwarfism community.
Speaker 3:Why? What was wrong with the fucking story? Our parents grew up with the fucking story. We grew up with the fucking story.
Speaker 2:You're like canceling yourself out. Stop yelling.
Speaker 3:Why.
Speaker 2:I think it was from the rumor of the gang raping the dwarves gave Cinderella back in the day, or Snow White.
Speaker 3:whatever, it was a big orgy. She dressed provocatively.
Speaker 4:Yeah maybe the wind blew. Probably was Snow White man. Same difference Like she wasn't dressed.
Speaker 2:She's definitely no Jessica Rabbit. Oh no, definitely not. No, that's why I'm fat Fucking Jessica Rabbit, that bitch, yeah, can you imagine that Was?
Speaker 3:she feeding you.
Speaker 2:I have no words. A little suckle from her breasts. Did you say suckle? Yeah, Nice. Anyway.
Speaker 3:Would you actually go for milk or breast milk? Yeah, like you really, you're drinking breast milk.
Speaker 2:I don't think I can. Don't use the word suckle, then Do like a shot of it. Like a shot Can we put? Like Like you watch lactation porn.
Speaker 3:Where are you going?
Speaker 4:I'm going to pee.
Speaker 2:He's going to look for snow. Well, we could probably call it quits. Anyways, we're an hour and 40 in.
Speaker 3:Can we trim this down to like 15 minutes?
Speaker 2:No, we're going to release all this and get canceled right away. All right then, I don't care, follow me, we'll solve our production problem we will no longer need to hire a producer problem solved done uh, fuck, but now it's it's.
Speaker 2:You know, all you see now is is uh, it's like everybody's apologizing or stepping on eggshells, afraid to say shit and worried about you know reaction you're going to get from certain people, certain groups and whatnot. Fuck man People. It's crazy. Do you see what Scotland's doing? No, scotland is actually arresting comics for hate speech. Some guy served a year for one of his bits.
Speaker 3:For one of his jokes, one of his bits. So you can't tell jokes anymore in the world, dude, that's our only, I think, our only safe haven. Well, you know what Scotland All they have is Braveheart. I guess I get why they're pissed Well he was Scottish.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, no, was he?
Speaker 3:Kev was.
Speaker 2:Braveheart.
Speaker 5:Scottish.
Speaker 2:Was William Wallace, scottish.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:Okay, yeah, they were fighting the English.
Speaker 2:I know he caused a whole war because they killed his woman. Yeah, that's my favorite movie of all time. It's a great movie. Great, are we?
Speaker 4:still doing this. Yeah, retard. Okay, I didn't know, brought it back. I brought it back, see that worked well it did.
Speaker 2:How's your feelings? They're fine, awesome. They're Awesome, all right, fine.
Speaker 4:See now if people can learn from our example. Not retard, I said retard, retard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, if people can learn from our example, much better place to be living.
Speaker 3:Did you know this? Did you know that a comic got arrested in Scotland for hate?
Speaker 2:speech. Did you hear about this Scotland? Scotland's arresting comics depending on if they're acts at all. Cohen's is like having any type of hate speech in it or you know whatever it's jokes. Some dude got like arrested for a year for his shit. Who?
Speaker 3:Some fucking comic actor and the fuck Meanwhile they have one of the biggest bullshit out of everything we've said tonight. That's the thing you're going bullshit.
Speaker 2:Meanwhile they host one of the biggest comedy festivals In the world. I hope no one goes.
Speaker 3:Scotland does. Really, how are you going to host a comedy festival if you can't tell jokes?
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. You got to worry about making people laugh. You know what I mean. That's what you want. You want to create laughter for people, get endorphins going, get people all happy and you're trying to Fuck that. I will.
Speaker 3:You know what we need to bring back the hell with retard and faggot Roman war helmets. We need to bring back the purge.
Speaker 2:Has that ever happened.
Speaker 3:I would like to think it probably did. I could see that actually fucking. I would really like to bring it back into vogue now. Into vogue.
Speaker 2:You go, madonna, let's go Bring it back into vogue.
Speaker 3:Wow, sorry, I didn't mean to use a word that was above you.
Speaker 2:I mean, I can't remember the last time I was talking to somebody and they said Vogue, kevin.
Speaker 4:I mean with that hat and jacket dude, I would think you would know what Vogue meant. You know that was a reach A little bit.
Speaker 2:I saw you working on that one. Still a jab, don't matter whatever. See who helps you up when you need to walk again.
Speaker 4:I didn't hear no bell rock. I don't know if that's a jacket or a tank top.
Speaker 2:Hey, Tommy, I didn't hear no bell. What'd you say? What'd you say fuck him, I'm gonna pee on your bed tonight.
Speaker 3:That would be fantastic if you went upstairs and pissed on your dog bed. What the fuck? I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:Pissed on your dog bed. My feelings have been hurt and I got no idea where the bathroom is Like no offense, bro, I'd kill you, I would Come on. Come on, how funny would it be if I ran upstairs, I peed on the dog bed and now I woke up? At least I wouldn't be fat anymore after that, Kev, you would. You'd just be fat and dead.
Speaker 4:Actually, I would blow up with gases. You'd still be fat. Every day you would be less fat, wow.
Speaker 2:I don't even know where to go with this. It's awful.
Speaker 3:What music do you want to end with? I think we don't need another hero again.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna play that, that logic song, the suicide hotline one you guys maybe want to like zoom next week for yes, for the episode. It's his schedule. Oh gee, I'm sorry. No, it's not a bad thing, it's called, it's him, it's his, it's because he's because he's doing regular family things.
Speaker 4:He's the one that's fucking this up all the time. No, no.
Speaker 3:See, I could call in, I could Zoom, don't poke the bear.
Speaker 4:Now you're calling.
Speaker 2:I don't even know if Kevin knows what zoom is.
Speaker 3:It amazes me that he figures that out.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, it's come close.
Speaker 4:I could figure it out, as long as he doesn't send it Like. I don't know what happens when he sends it Like it doesn't work.
Speaker 3:Right, I send it to your email it works for me Right, like right or wrong, it never works. It works for me, right.
Speaker 4:Like right or wrong, it never works. It works for me. Yeah, I'll have to tell you that's right. Maybe you should take a whack at the microphones.
Speaker 2:You know you take a whack, Kevin. You know you can take a whack of your fucking face. I can't wait for this next show because you are going to catch the wrath Something fierce.
Speaker 4:Me. Yeah, you Go get the fuck out of here, why, seriously?
Speaker 2:Why? Because I'm going to make myself look like.
Speaker 3:When we put this one out. I want you to listen to it. You've been very on the forefront.
Speaker 2:Oh, what did you think of Candace Owens getting fired? Fired from what Daily Wire Because she got into? What did you think of Candace Owens getting fired? Fired from?
Speaker 3:what Daily Wire? Because she got into an argument with Ben Shapiro.
Speaker 4:Oh really, she got fired Like I don't care, I understand, you know.
Speaker 2:Like Sorry, cool guy.
Speaker 4:I don't care. I don't care Honestly.
Speaker 3:I'm on my popcorn break. Does he have a poster of Candace Owens in the?
Speaker 4:room or something. I'm sure her being fired From the Daily Wire is not going to get her Silenced, so I don't really feel bad For her. Or you know, like I don't know, like how am I supposed to feel? Like, what'd you do? Like, what'd you say?
Speaker 2:She was using some fucking terms about rabbis, like anti-Semite sort of stuff, I guess, so I didn't get the full detail of it.
Speaker 3:So Ben Shapiro went all bitch. I like Ben, he's funny.
Speaker 4:I don't know he's funny. I don't know if I like Ben. He's smart. You ever see him. I'll give him that. Did you see?
Speaker 2:him review the comedy stand-ups. I don't think he's funny. Oh, those are funny. You got to watch that. I don't know about that man. When he had Shane Gillis he was like reviewing it.
Speaker 3:While I will watch him on occasion, he's probably my least favorite. Yeah, yeah, fat guy we.
Speaker 2:What, what, huh? That's why we share dreidels every weekend. Made, that's why we share dreidels every weekend. Made them out of clay. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. I am so fat. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I just want a pretzel and a dreidel. I want to fit in a hat. Why is there no cheese in a dreidel? Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. How come you are not food? Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I just want to eat you.
Speaker 3:Pat, I just want to eat you. You want to go to McDonald's? Get a double quarter. Let's go With Big Mac sauce.
Speaker 4:Do they still have the?
Speaker 3:double Big Mac they do. I can't eat it. I've yet to have it.
Speaker 2:A couple weeks ago I had a Big Mac Because I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time.
Speaker 4:I love a Big Mac, it's so messy Really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't have the double Big Mac, I had a regular Big Mac, a regular Big Mac's messy.
Speaker 3:Yes, the double Big Mac. I couldn't finish it. What I had to give it to my son?
Speaker 4:Get the fuck out of here, bro, this guy never says no to food.
Speaker 2:Look at this guy.
Speaker 4:I need the scenario to where you, you rolled up on a double big mac.
Speaker 2:You need to tell, you need to pump your brakes, tom Hanks, from fucking Philadelphia right now. Whoa what If you're going to pick on a fellow fat man? Us fat men are going to stick together. High five. Philadelphia.
Speaker 3:That's good, bruce. Oh look you fucking. You offended him.
Speaker 2:See, oh, I offended you Like what I called you, tom Hanks from Philadelphia.
Speaker 5:Like you got AIDS.
Speaker 3:Like why Did you see Tom Hanks?
Speaker 4:in Philadelphia. Yeah, something I need to worry about. Guys Like what are we talking about? I guess I have shit to worry about too. Well, I mean concerns, yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, that's why we're trying to do double Big Macs, yeah.
Speaker 4:We are paid. I feel like one here that should eat one.
Speaker 2:Well, most AIDS victims need that. You need some food, you need the protein Jesus.
Speaker 4:Christ.
Speaker 3:Philadelphia.
Speaker 4:I thought Magic Johnson ended AIDS, what, what?
Speaker 2:the fuck kind of comment is Magic Johnson? It's like herpes. You don't go magic. Johnson just made the three and the days, bro magic johnson got eight. He just made it yo.
Speaker 4:He just made a floater like 1989, man like, like he's good, you know like haven't we like, conquered this?
Speaker 3:of course magic had millions.
Speaker 4:You can get a lot of fucking drugs oh, you mean money buys health and, yes, prosperity and stuff like that anyone who said money doesn't buy happiness never had any very true, man, very true, I concur you playing uh philadelphia by bruce streets of philadelphia, streets of Philadelphia. It's sort of an upbeat fucking tempo.
Speaker 2:Not anymore AIDS. Right, you got them. Oh, you're dying Tom Hanks, you're dying bitch, you're dying AIDS.
Speaker 4:Oh fuck, You're dying. Oh, you got that shit. Oh you did, You're dead, bro.
Speaker 3:You did I think for our next show we're going to start drinking around six, no, and we're going to jump on it like eight and we're just going to go to like midnight, as long as we follow a fucking formula Like we're doing now.
Speaker 2:All right, it's time to call him fat. It's fat time. It's fat time. It's your dick. What Philadelphia. I loved you in that movie, tom.
Speaker 3:Did anyone ever tell you you look like Tom Hanks?
Speaker 2:More than Ben Affleck or fucking.
Speaker 4:I've gotten Denzel before and Ben Affleck are fucking. I've gotten Denzel before.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, that's where we're going to end the show, because that's blasphemy and that shit just does not roll in this studio. Denzel, what?
Speaker 4:From Glory. Oh, you're saying Philadelphia, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but Tom Hanks, yeah, you're Tom Hanks, ro.
Speaker 4:Oh, oh.
Speaker 2:I don't know how the hell you mixed that up.
Speaker 4:Denzel was in there too, right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, but Denzel didn't have the.
Speaker 4:AIDS.
Speaker 2:You're talking, denzel, philadelphia I said Tom Hanks, you're talking, tom Hanks. I thought that was 13 times I was thinking something totally different, sorry, sorry. Oh yes.
Speaker 4:Sorry, sorry.
Speaker 3:We may have to take another week off from the show after this.
Speaker 2:Sorry, who sang this song. It's the End of the World as we Know. It REM. There's another.
Speaker 3:The singer.
Speaker 2:That, or who's that DJ Moby Moby.
Speaker 3:Moby Dick Wasn't Callan.
Speaker 2:Another one Not happening? No way, no, how. Who's this guy? King of dying nuts? All right, that's time for us to go. Oh my God, what time is it? Look at this guy.
Speaker 3:Someone put a bullet in the chamber 10-41. Okay, well, hey, the new cameras were great. Hey, put the chair there. I like the bourbon barrel in the corner Right. That's a nice thing. It's been the best thing about tonight so far.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I love the positivity. I love it. Best night of the night so far. Best thing of the night so far Is just the fat shaming that's been going on. I cannot wait to go to sleep and roll over like a fucking walrus and get a cramp. Ah, ah, God, I didn't even move.
Speaker 4:Don't forget to wake up and throw up and then go back to bed after your double big back.
Speaker 2:You know we do a little bulimia, no, but you know intermittent bulimia.
Speaker 4:Like listen, yeah, then I'm gonna get a throat cancer. It's not that bad as though you know.
Speaker 2:Like he's fat and he's dying of throat cancer because he's a fat bulimic no dude, we'll let you know all the AIDS like.
Speaker 4:Honestly. Thanks, tom, you take a solid month. You hit that fucking bul. Plenty of slim down real fast.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to take any type of fucking health advice from you, pal.
Speaker 3:I was just thinking like, after you're done throwing up like aren't you hungry again? Yeah, aren't you going to eat some more Might as well, double up.
Speaker 2:Dollar menu. Let's go. I'm fucking starving right now. To be honest with you, I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day. That's a lie. No, I haven't, I swear to god. I've been here all fucking day. When the fuck did I eat? Maybe have a pocket dog, a dressed up hot dog, in my pocket, just for that occasion.
Speaker 3:When you get hungry.
Speaker 2:I swear to god, I did not eat anything today, okay. You didn't even toss one salad today I can go for some talent. It's healthy no, jelly or syrup no the fuck do I have jelly or syrup scissor so random yeah, but you got it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I did, he didn't oh he't, he's just mad about it.
Speaker 2:I don't think he did man jelly or syrup it's weird when we have to explain it, man let me know. So I want to be like. Is it awkward?
Speaker 4:we'll tell you off air no, you will not.
Speaker 2:Don't be a retard. Let me know, is it awkward? We'll tell you off air. No, you will not. Don't be a retard. Don't be retarded.
Speaker 4:You tell it.
Speaker 2:Oh, you tell it, you're the one who says it.
Speaker 4:You tell it. No, he knows what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:What's jelly and syrup? You don't Jelly and syrup, did I Chili?
Speaker 4:and serum. Isn't that weird to explain it Right, like yeah, he's taking his fucking headphones off. Unbelievable, we're done here.
Speaker 2:This will be, Ladies and gentlemen. We have reached zero viewers. Just Google it. This is our last episode ever.
Speaker 3:I don't even know if we should put this on Spotify.
Speaker 2:We will In like nine weeks.
Speaker 4:Fucking new table. Man's going out on air. What Jelly, what?
Speaker 2:Sir, what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 4:Oh dude, what we do in life echoes in eternity.
Speaker 2:T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T.
