When Friends Turn Feral: A Night of Bourbon and Bizarre Behavior

When Kevin arrives at the studio sporting a golf ball-sized hematoma around his eye and displaying wildly swinging moods, what begins as concern quickly devolves into the most chaotic episode we've ever recorded. Behind the laughter lies genuine worry as we subject him to our makeshift "concussion protocol"—a series of increasingly ridiculous questions that reveal more about our friendship dynamics than his neurological state.

The conversation takes an unexpectedly philosophical turn when we explore the concept of controlled rage as a survival mechanism. Who among us would be most valuable during societal collapse? Is there something to be said for having that friend who can tap into protective fury when needed? We share personal stories about moments when that simmering anger proved useful, particularly in defending loved ones.

Things get surprisingly deep as we dissect recent rumors of potential terrorist threats, workplace drama involving a one-eyed coworker nicknamed "One-Eyed Willie," and the challenges of supporting partners through serious illness. These seemingly disparate topics weave together to form a tapestry of how we process anxiety, protection instincts, and loyalty through our unique brand of inappropriate humor.

The episode culminates with our newest creation: Gas Station Food Roulette. This questionable game forces us to sample convenience store cuisine of dubious origin and even more dubious taste. Between bites of a muffin with "the consistency of concrete" and a sandwich containing mystery meat that "might have been made in a government lab," we discover new depths of friendship—the kind where you're willing to risk food poisoning for entertainment value.

What makes this episode special isn't just the unhinged energy or bizarre tangents, but the genuine glimpse into how close friends navigate concern, care, and chaos through laughter. Call us at 845-842-1652 to share your own stories of friendship in its rawest, most unfiltered form.

Transcript

Orbs' Explosive Entrance

Speaker 1 0:06

One, one, two. Did we put the headline up? Orbs is in trouble.

Speaker 2 0:17

No one is safe from Orbs.

Speaker 1 0:20

This is Orbs' entry song as he walks into the bar.

Speaker 2 0:24

Got his boxing gloves on they're leaving my name is Off.

Speaker 1 0:58

I kick doors in down at bars strangers. Men Look at you, go with the freestyle. Yeah, I murder rapists Alleged Killing sex traffickers. No sex traffickers Phenomenal yeah, friday. Yeah, it's a fuck you. Youtube Friday God, what a great fucking song. I am fucking pumped up. Do you want to go down there now, let's go.

Speaker 3 1:48

Oh, now we're going no, we're good, they're leaving right now. They're leaving, Are you sure? Because I no. I got a text.

Speaker 1 1:56

We could order a couple things of wings and pick them up when we get there. Yeah, dude, I am pumped up right now.

Speaker 3 2:01

We're leaving now, so we're good. Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 1 2:10

You and gentlemen. You missed Aub's blowing up for the last 45 minutes, and now he's back to his old self. Welcome to the live therapy session that we have been hoping for. Really, I mean, what has just occurred here at the Aubrey Estate is, I mean and we're not even talking about the lump on his eye I mean it's really a rollercoaster of emotion.

Speaker 1 2:30

Well, at least we know how to keep him going in the apocalypse. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, anytime he's ready to off himself, we know how to fire him back up. Hey, kev, there's a strange guy down there at the watering hole. He's asking for numbers. I don't know why South Service hasn't been working for weeks. I mean, it's right down the hill, right by the oak tree over there in the logs.

Speaker 3 2:51

You fuckers man Like fuck. You fuckers man. I love you.

Speaker 1 2:56

I love you. He's not a zombie or anything. I love you Okay.

Speaker 3 3:00

Hey.

Speaker 4 3:01

Kinger.

Speaker 1 3:04

Oh my God, I was sitting out there. I was about to draw up a syringe of Thorazine and put that right in your behind and make you sleep a little bit. I was very concerned for your well-being. I think you can use the rest. Yeah, I was like he is going to hey man. He's going to rape and pillage. That concussion he sustained yesterday is causing damage right now.

Speaker 3 3:25

I was fired up for fucking. Every good reason, vlad. I was fired up for fucking every good reason.

Concussion Protocol for Kevin

Speaker 1 3:28

Vlad. He's very erratic. He was acting like Vlad out there. He's very erratic. His mood swings are unbelievable. Well, there's probably a reason for this, and TID Nation that's out there. You should be concerned for our well-loved character of Orbs over here because we're going to do a. He took a nice shot in the eye. We were going to do an intervention, but the other half of the group is still intoxicated.

Speaker 2 3:54

Yeah, we're not going to do the intervention, so we're actually going to put Kevin through a concussion protocol.

Speaker 1 4:03

We do feel that his behavior is it's alarming. So we're going to put him through the concussion protocol because we do think he took a nice knock to the eyeball. Pat, can you pass the coasters, because I'm just randomly going to throw them at him during the course of the show I would love to, but he's actually sharpening them as we speak.

Speaker 3 4:22

Should I go up to the camera?

Speaker 1 4:24

Yeah, go up to the camera and as white trash as this fucking video looks. Oh boy, Try to get your eye in there. Let's see if this works.

Speaker 3 4:32

Get the good look.

Speaker 1 4:34

And we're going to show you that knot that's on his eye. This doesn't look like we're trying to film amateur porn. Hey, man, hey, let's see. Oh, that's a hematoma. Get your finger out of it. Look at that hematoma. It's a hematoma.

Speaker 4 4:46

Get your finger out of it.

Speaker 1 4:47

Look at that hematoma. It's a golf ball-sized nut right there, bro. Look at that. I mean the color it's. Oh no, no, you got to do a side profile. Okay, now turn to your. There you go. You look gorgeous, bro. You are hot. Wait, kevin, stay right there. Kevin, move it. That is your good side. Stay right there. Stay right there. Lean forward a little. I'm almost done. That looks so real. I was just in your nose, you were just snorting me, so he took his medication, but we do have to put him through Really. I mean we're have to put him through Really. I mean we're going to, I'm going to. Okay, I'm not going to lie. There's only one thing that makes me happier than what's going on right now, and you all know what that is. What is it? Ob's nose? Shrimp cubs. We don't like those places anymore, you sure.

Speaker 1 5:51

Oh, it was bad last night all right, all right yeah, drinking his bourbon is like drinking a glass full of nails. Let's see here. So the concussion protocol. This is what it is.

Speaker 3 6:07

Oh yeah, I make this larger oh you got yeah, like all right, all right, all right. So we're gonna do step one. What's step one? All right, uh, remove your protocol. This is what it is. I gotta make this larger. Oh you got yeah, like Alright, alright, alright.

Speaker 1 6:11

So we're gonna do Step one.

Speaker 3 6:12

What's step one?

Speaker 1 6:13

Alright, remove your helmet. Done, say the alphabet backwards. Okay, okay, oh, sorry, wrong text. Alright, team physician perform sideline survey. Alright, what was his baseline? Alright, sideline survey. I don't even know what the questions are. They're not even on here. All right, no go. What was the address of your childhood home? Maddox questions? What the fuck is this? I don't know if I want to give that First of all. No wonder why. No wonder why. No wonder why he's fine.

Speaker 1 6:43

He's fine why guys from the NFL can't come back. It's these questions. It says history of the event. Are you asking the oh, here we go. So when you were at work with your helper, do you remember exactly what happened? Saying his little helper I do, yeah, I do. All right, can you explain? I Sorry that pause was a little too long. So that's one. That's one, one we're going to throw down there. The.

Speaker 3 7:07

Cliff Notes version. The pause was like. I don't know if you want me to explain, nope the pause is your synapses are not snapping.

Speaker 1 7:14

I don't want to hear this story on air right now.

Speaker 2 7:16

So that's check number one, that's number one on the concern list.

Speaker 1 7:20

Sure Okay. Concussion signs and symptoms. Oh my God, I could fuck. There's a few. What are they? What are they? Aggression, murderous tone. I have a concussion, murderous tone, threatening behavior and posturing. I don't think you're reading off a real list right now I am making up my own right now, from my red flags that I saw Very, very emotional, totally Mood swings, quick mood swings Wow, that's number one on the list right there Not listening to friends when they talk to them.

Speaker 1 7:56

I feel that I listened when you were talking. We were told to shut up On several occasions, so check number two. Okay, maddox questions. I don't know who's Maddox, tommy Maddox, you'll go back from this. Alright, we're going to have to review the video. Do you have any video evidence that this actually happened? Oh my god, would that be phenomenal. It would be funny.

Speaker 3 8:18

What are we talking about? That actually happened. I don't know what actually happened.

Speaker 1 8:23

He can't even recall the event. We got to take him, call 911. We got more tests. We're going to have to do a cervical spine exam. Can you lay down on the floor real quick? I think Pat wants you to bend over and grab your ankles, including range of motion and pain. Here let's Before and after penetration Does missionary work for you? Once again, too long to answer. I prefer doggy.

Speaker 4 8:46

It's too late Check.

Speaker 1 8:48

Number three you are really not doing too well on this test right now. Yeah, all right, not only are you a cuss, but I think you're a homosexual. Evaluation of speech Well, we already know that You're slurring your words like a fucking drunken sailor. Oh, mitigate, propagate. What Obsession, obsessive. Woodford Reserve Exilophone Nope, once again, nothing.

Speaker 4 9:10

Word association.

Speaker 1 9:13

We're going to have to do a little observation of his gait.

Speaker 3 9:17

My walk.

Speaker 1 9:19

It's how you walk. Can you do me solid? Do you want to get in front of me and just walk back and forth a few times? Don't roll an ankle, and when you come towards me, just make sure you look at me and you spin real quick, but you keep looking at me.

Speaker 3 9:30

Like again, like is it fucking Tuesday already? It was so.

Speaker 1 9:35

Can you do that? Turn back and look at me like a dragon? All right, can you maybe give me a little hiss?

Speaker 3 9:41

One or two dragons.

Speaker 1 9:42

I move it, I move it, I move it and pulmonary exam. He's got a knot on his eyeball. So you are really not doing too well on this task, kev. I think you're concussed.

Speaker 1 9:56

If any elements are positive, inconclusive or suspicious of concussion. I wish we had a magic eight ball Player is escorted from the locker room. I wish we had an eight ball, kevin, unfortunately, since these are the rules that we follow and it says you have to be escorted to the locker room. I wish we had an eight ball, kevin. Unfortunately, since these are the rules that we follow and it says you have to be escorted to the locker room, we're going to have to take you upstairs.

Speaker 3 10:16

Oh shit, I'm fucking banned from the show. We got to do, we got to fucking follow the rules here.

Speaker 1 10:20

I can't get into the show. If we don't follow the rules, we get kicked off. If we're not going to follow the rules, how do we expect other people to follow the rules?

Speaker 3 10:29

Okay, I mean like, if you want, I'll go away.

Speaker 1 10:37

I mean, don't go away mad. You want to go to the bar? I think we should go to the bar. We'll do this all over again After the fucking ruckus. I'm not even going to lie to you. I want to get that guy's number. It's that guy. It's like no joke. Tonight was like an episode of Aggressive Seinfeld. Oh my god. It was just like a shit storm of stuff happening all at once. And now for a second, I just turned. I'm like I don't even know if this is real anymore. What's going on? This has been the most awkward evening ever.

Speaker 3 11:10

Yeah, a little bit. Well, I wouldn't say awkward, oh I would.

Speaker 1 11:16

I can say awkward, like awkwardly aggressive, yes, yeah, normally the most level-headed, laid-back, down-to-earth, relaxed guy. You got some pent up rage Fired the fuck up, can you imagine?

Speaker 3 11:33

I'm sorry when you fuck with my family like I'm fucking.

Speaker 1 11:40

But that's the. You know. I didn't really get the impression anyone was fucking with anybody. Yeah Well.

Speaker 3 11:45

Yeah, yeah, because you're on the outside. Well, it wasn't Because you're on the outside.

Speaker 1 11:50

Well, it wasn't, it wasn't it wasn't like you didn't get the text, like this guy's buying his drinks and we told him to leave and he won't leave us alone.

Speaker 3 11:57

No and honestly like, like that text is one text like, too long, like, like.

Speaker 1 12:05

Well, that text comes and we take a ride. I, I, I'm, I'm all in agreement for that.

Speaker 3 12:08

No, but I'm more the person that is like I'm there before that text happens, you know.

Speaker 1 12:19

What so when the apocalypse comes? Kevin's on my side. Well, I hope you're in the bubble with the rest of his family.

Speaker 3 12:28

You know what I mean, though, I'm ready to go before that fucking situation happens. There's something happening, right See?

Rage, Protection, and Apocalypse Readiness

Speaker 1 12:43

I could say this because my wife doesn't listen to the show, but I would love for someone to hit on my wife when she was out with her friends. No, I'm Kevin's side on that. No, I need like a little fucking. It's like you know, with the horses they bring like the stud horse.

Speaker 3 13:01

Okay, yeah, wait, time out, time out.

Speaker 1 13:03

I agree, wait a minute. I know, but wait a minute. He just made the analogy of him in a stud horse. Not me, oh, not me. You're talking about a black bull over the house banging the wife, not Barry Wood at my house and there's no banging at my house. I thought you were into the cuckold shit. No, oh, I thought that's what you were talking about Now.

Speaker 1 13:24

I'm getting fucking fired up. I am way off on that. This is your fault now. It's not mine, because I know exactly where you are in that boat, dude, because any shit like that happens, especially on my side, because of watering hole for herself. So I'm always like somebody's going to die. Tonight I was going with that thought in my head, but I go in calm, cool and collective like fucking Chuck Norris. You know what? Actually, this is the most awful thing ever because you're ready to kill people on a daily basis. I'm always angry. Now this fucking guy's starting to pick up this trait. No, I'm not. This is bad, dude. I'm not picking up the trait man.

Speaker 1 14:03

I'm just saying Mine is a real silent Rage that's inside. I think I've done the Thor thing of controlling it, because if there's ever a moment when it's needed, it's going down. Of course, him and I may be the secret to the apocalypse that we're the ones who fucking just throttle everybody. The apocalypse or the cockpocalypse? I don't know if I could live through a cockpocalypse so I'm going to be very obsessive over that.

Speaker 3 14:35

It sounds like pretty intense. I don't know, if. I could like dodging cocks that doesn't sound fun like I'll die, I'll die trying.

Speaker 1 14:49

Kevin just took a nine inincher to the head. He's done.

Speaker 3 14:52

Big black dick just killed him. You know I ain't laying down but I'll die trying. Now it's, it's all's just done.

Speaker 1 14:59

He's full of dicks. I don't know. I think it's a. To me it's like a superpower that I can control my rage because there's a. I know it's in there. I know it's in there, I know it's, but it's. I've just put it away until the right fucking time. So it may be when it's I have to save somebody's life, or the really wrong time.

Speaker 1 15:19

Well, yeah you're talking about the two dirt bikes. What I mean, is there ever really a wrong time for two dirt bikes? I mean, or it's during the apocalypse, and I have a crazy rage and I rage to the point of where I fucking black out and somebody fuck cold, clocks me and I'm done. Stupid, I should have kept my head on a swivel. You go berserker mode, dude. I mean, fuck it, I got fucking horse, dude.

Speaker 3 15:44

Ain't nobody cold cocking that melon bro?

Speaker 1 15:47

First of all, you're cold cocking it, your hand's broken, your wrist is broken and I'm probably giggling at you, so, yeah, I could take pretty good punches. Today, I usually do it like go down first. So if they try to punch me in the face and go like that I've heard that about you Crack, you, swallow, crack you, crack you. You have the phalanges, do you swallow while?

Speaker 3 16:08

you're down there?

Speaker 1 16:09

What day of the week are we talking about?

Speaker 3 16:10

You're taking a shot to the head like a wild Samoan. You're shaking that shit off.

Speaker 1 16:15

What did you just do? The best story I can tell you about the legend of this large cranium is we were on Lake Carmel one winter, oh sweet, and we were skating on the ice and I remember my legs went out from under me and my head fucking hits the ice. And I remember my legs went out from under me and my head fucking hits the ice first, where I saw stars and all you hear is no joke. This shit cracked like 12 inches down and I remember when I saw the stars I was like I got up, phil comes skating, you're all right, yeah, I'm good. And I just kept going. That was I was like ugh, I got up, phil comes skating, you alright, yeah, I'm good. And I just kept going. That was probably my first concussion in my life, but I was like fuck that man, I feel no pain, I'm gonna fucking do some figure skating, and that's where the CTE began.

Speaker 2 17:01

So I knocked off a fucking triple axel.

Speaker 1 17:03

Right after that, bam Oxana Bayou bro. I look like Oxana Bayou bro. That'll look like Oxana Bayou With the beard Dude. That's when I realized, no matter how hard I hit my head, there's times I fucking nail this motherfucker. It hurts a little bit. Then I'm like we're good.

Speaker 4 17:22

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 17:23

Yeah, this thing's got some historic scars. Do you get knotted up like Kevin's face when you get hit? Wow, no, my face Really.

Speaker 3 17:29

Historic scars. Do you get knotted up like Kevin's face when you get hit? Wow, no, my face.

Speaker 1 17:32

Really no. I mean, you're a bleeder apparently. Well, you turned to me Jesus.

Speaker 3 17:35

Christ For a second.

Speaker 1 17:37

I thought you had cerebral palsy For a second when you turned to me. I'm like, oh my god, he's saggy. He's got little Bell's palsy going, little Bells. He's got little Bells on the left side side. Fuck you guys from the rage. Every time you get excited, I saw red. Every time I get excited, my left side sags. I saw red I can't believe my face right now. Okay, now listen.

Speaker 1 17:57

Well, it doesn't matter, kevin I still want you on my side during the apocalypse. So I'm gonna like you know, we're gonna keep you like a secret weapon, like you're gonna be Wolverine, but you're gonna come out with stop it, come out with steak knives taped to your fucking hands well, on one hand, and maybe forks on, am I killing? Forecast is locked up in here for months.

Speaker 3 18:27

Can't even check off at these things gears dude, oh yeah, like that rage been locked up in here for months. Can't even check off at these things. Gears dude, oh yeah, like that rage is locked up, rage Gears.

Speaker 1 18:37

I saw a comedian recently that opened up his bit with if you're ever in a bar fight with a guy over 40, you're in a lot of trouble Because you're not fighting that guy, you're fighting 30 years of pent up Rage.

Speaker 3 18:51

Oh my god, that's the point, like dude honestly, yeah, I love, I fear For the motherfucker.

Speaker 1 18:58

I would Love to have like a younger dude, but come on, fat old man, like I know that. Yeah, the Statue, yeah. That's pretty good. I know double chin there Fell. I know I'm going to kill you. Come on, let's go. I'm gonna hurt you something. Fear bar fucking, chair Fucking.

Speaker 3 19:17

Oh yeah yeah, you're getting Worked the fuck up like I fear Barstool across the fucking head For the motherfucker that crosses that line At that time with me.

Speaker 1 19:29

And I think for my first time I I'm going to start using feet and I'm going to start stomping motherfuckers. Bam right on the fucking chest, let's go. It's too much to even bend down to punch. That's what I'm saying. So somebody's got to fall down first. You're down. You better watch out for the feet, because I ain't bending over, I'll actually get dizzy. No, the feet just gotta go. I'll get dizzy when I get back up.

Speaker 1 19:48

I'm like whoa. And that's not from the drink, that's from the loss of oxygen just bending over and you don't think.

Speaker 2 19:55

I'm gonna fuck you up, young buck.

Speaker 1 19:57

You're done, bro. Yeah, I'm gonna need a bare aspirin before this starts so I don't have a heart attack. The diabetes takes over. Wait, I'm gonna take a shot of my insulin. You wait over there in the corner. Give me a second, I'll be right there. I need my B12 shot real quick. I'll be right there. Yeah, all right, it's going to be a few minutes, man. You know, let me stretch it out Because you know something stupid is going to happen. Like you slip, you fucking pull the groin.

Speaker 4 20:22

Oh, it's so embarrassing.

Speaker 1 20:30

Because then you get oh, time out, time out dude. Oh fuck, dude, give me a time out, man, remember my age, dude, no takes.

Speaker 1 20:33

Somebody got an age bandage. Oh boy, alright, we need to pull this back from Albuquerque. No, no, albuquerque is great dude. I'm gonna need an ice pack on this before I fight you, young buck. Oh God, oh, fuck, I can't, oh, so I, oh fuck, I can't, oh, so I was telling him a story the other day. So, ever since Jess has been back at work and everything, I guess she's all pissed off because people are like doing the work that she's supposed to be doing, like fucking everything up and talking all this shit and whatever. Oh, she's got to come back and lay down the law. So I pick her up one night talking all this shit and whatever. Oh, she's got to come back and lay down the law. So I pick her up one night.

Speaker 1 21:12

I saw the one that came out, the one I never liked in the first place. I call her One-Eyed Willie. I want to go there. I want to go there one night, just so I can be like, oh my God, that's you. No, well, here's the thing. Why, here's the thing, why do you? Why? Here's the thing.

Speaker 1 21:29

She actually, she had one eye, all right, and she was looking for an eye replacement or I, you know, prosthetic, like thor. Oh, I heard, yeah, yeah, totally not as powerful, though someone call rocky raccoon. Yeah, someone call Rocky Raccoon, yeah, so they get a donation together to get her eye. And I'm like, wait a minute. I was like you guys collected fucking money for a fake eye. I was like that's not a cosmetic fucking surgery because of what happened to it, and I was like that should be covered under the insurance. She's like, no, she said it wasn't. I was like, oh, so you believed her word. Oh so you think that she got it done under insurance and took the money and ran. She got fucking $2,500.

Speaker 1 22:17

Then, lo and behold, that happens right, and Jess is at work. She's like I have a party today. I'm like, okay, she texts me. She's like like I am going to Fucking kill somebody. I'm like, and she Never, ever texts me from work Saying that she's pissed off or she wants to kill somebody. She's telling me the story. So she Does the waitress thing on the waitress Sides and parties or whatever, and it Was a kids party. The one eyed willie, who's not a who's not a waitress. Well, I mean, I gotta imagine your whole fucking balance is off. Oh, totally, I mean her. Yeah, you're definitely walking at an angle and Shit on the floor. But since day one I told her I was like I don't, I don't trust this fucking chick whatsoever. And she came in, she's got one eye.

Speaker 1 23:06

Yeah but you don't. You never fucking. First of all, here's the fucking rule. Honestly, she's a fucking pirate. You never trust a pirate.

Speaker 3 23:14

The first red flag is Was there an eye patch?

Speaker 1 23:18

For some time. Then there was an empty socket.

Speaker 2 23:23

Oh, no, she just walked around with an empty socket.

Speaker 1 23:25

No, the eyelid was just covering it, so she had the eyelid there but no eye, so we almost look like a mini vagina. Dude, she was a waitress. No, she only did the front. She did when people came in and ordered, she did the front. Oh my God. Oh my God, did anyone skull fuck her when she had no eye?

Speaker 3 23:45

She should have been on the fryer. You know, Like you don't put that person in the front.

Speaker 1 23:56

You are not the face of the franchise. Like, are you fucking kidding me? You're on the front, stand by the soda machine. Who's running this joint? Hey sloth, get out back by the garbage. Oh sloth, oh my God, so Jess is. But what Sloth? Oh my God, so Jess is. But what happened was when she was out there.

Speaker 4 24:13

Fucking Sloth. Oh my God, I'm sorry. Listen, Cyclops.

Speaker 1 24:19

Listen, Cyclops, you motherfucker, you.

Speaker 4 24:21

Oh my.

Speaker 1 24:21

God. So when Jess was gone because of the cancer and everything, like, people started doing her jobs, of course, and she informed them. She's like, when I come back, she's like I'm taking over all the duties, this and that, and I guess there was like some shit talked and blah, blah, blah. And then the person she thought was such a best friend of hers was fucking talking all this shit, fucking up all the orders, whatever, because she wanted to fuck up. So Jess would leave or George would fire her in order to take jess's spot ah, a little positioning, so so she, she, she catches wind of this and, of course, when she's, when she's explaining it to me, she is three sheets to the wind, okay.

Speaker 1 25:05

So when I knew this, this whole situation started, I was I am going to have so much fun with this right now. So I'm like I'm going to do this so nice, I'm not going to say anything, mean, I'm going to support her. But I was like I'll throw my zingers in there when I need to. And she's like you had no idea how angry I am. I was like oh no, you look so angry. You didn't drink tonight. Okay, don't even worry about it. What happened? 87.

Speaker 2 25:36

What no? One night, one night oh.

Speaker 1 25:42

I don't want to be the guy, but I told you so she just starts. She's like I know she starts doing this fucking thing. She starts like doing this Fucking thing. I'm like this is really Because it was almost a similar Thing to what Kevin was going through, a little drunken. Oh, is that why you were able to take Charge yet? Because you've seen that happen. Oh, yes, yes, that's why I was trying to help him in that situation. So I saw it first and I Knew the signs and I was like one friend to another, I'm stepping in and helping out. First sign alcohol problem. Second sign Dude, and then. But it got to the point of where and she even said when she was sober, she's like I should listen to you. I'm like, yeah, I don't know if you've noticed.

Speaker 1 26:24

The past 10 years We've been together I have said some memorable stuff and they've all been good and you've shit on me. Every single one I've had some world class. You know, I knew when I people you don't trust and you trusted her when she told me they donated money, I lost my fucking marbles. I'm like you couldn't find a fucking cue ball or something to fucking rough up a little bit. Color that in, maybe have one of the little Spanish kids fucking paint it. I mean, not for nothing, but if I lost an eye I'd want the little fucking eight ball thing. No dude, if I ever lost an eye I want one with like skull, fucking crossbones. Doctor.

Speaker 3 27:06

Death. I would totally take an eye patch and walk away Like give me the eye patch forever. You know it's badass.

Speaker 1 27:15

That's just because you want the extra orifice. Dude what's badass is you've got balls to walk around with an empty socket.

Speaker 3 27:21

It's badass and like people see you, they have questions, you know.

Speaker 1 27:26

Kevin walked down the street With his eye patch on One thousand a shot to fuck him in the skull when his eye used to be.

Speaker 3 27:35

What Huh?

Speaker 1 27:38

What was that? We were on a fucking roll. Dude, god Dude, he was riffing.

Speaker 3 27:47

We were fucking good man.

Speaker 1 27:48

I honestly thought he was going to pull a guitar out and be like Right, very good, he just went fucking Albuquerque, right there, man. Man, that would have been fucking Dude. You'd be king of the lot. Lizards Fucking glory holes. They say his name is Kevin. You made a lot of money with that.

Speaker 3 28:07

King of the lot lizards.

Speaker 1 28:12

I am king of the lot lizards. Can you not say that and slur and pull away at the same time, because that really does not make you look truthful. I'm the king of the lot lizards. If any of you don't know what lot lizards are, call poor Thor. It's very simple, because we have no problem explaining it to you. If any of you don't know what lot lizards are, call Porthor.

Speaker 1 28:31

It's very simple because we have no problem explaining it to you. So, lot lizards. Are you familiar with rest areas? I know, I know they get the whole gay glory, but there's lot lizards who are hookers, who will pretty much put their their vagine on anything like out in the parking lot, in the open. Hence, lot on vacation lizard. Yes, yeah, and you're going to want to stay away from them. I heard they're poisonous, I mean, unless you're driving a truck for 47 hours and maybe you need a little release. That was loud, yeah, oh, how do you mark this window? All right, so you know it's on that end. That fucking fucked my ear up, bro Shit. All right, so it has been confirmed through multiple sources.

Terrorist Threats and Doomsday Theories

Speaker 1 29:26

I'm going to be a fear monger. Come pretty much January 19th or January 20th, there's going to be a swarm of suicide vesters. Sounds like a weird porn movie. Is that going to star Mia Khalifa? Yeah, I mean possibly. Yeah, because she could do that. Because she does. She is one of those. She puts the EJ everything. She has a suicide jacket full of dills and butt plugs.

Speaker 3 30:04

Is there glitter?

Speaker 1 30:06

She's going to play the Danish trail role. No, she has marble butt plugs.

Speaker 3 30:09

Is there glitter?

Speaker 1 30:10

involved and there to play the Danny Shale role. She has marble butt plugs. Is there glitter involved? There's actually a glitter bomb in that, so they say when it goes off, the glass butt plugs will go through the people and the glitter gets into the wound Instant infection. It's one of the greatest devices of all time the Vagin Bomb. She's going to play the Danny Trejo role from Desperado.

Speaker 3 30:39

It's called a massing gill.

Speaker 1 30:41

Yeah, oh God, can you imagine that Douche?

Speaker 2 30:46

How'd he die.

Speaker 1 30:46

Yeah, the dildo suicide bomber. Yeah, you didn't hear about that. Marble and glass dildos, butt plugs and everything. Ky was mixed in there. Motherfucker got an infection so bad with that glitter. Looked like Tommy O back in the day.

Speaker 2 31:03

Oh, no, oh God.

Speaker 1 31:06

His first walk on the fucking walkway With the glitter bomb, tommy.

Speaker 4 31:10

O.

Speaker 1 31:11

So there's actually talk of this CIA targeter, can you? It still makes me laugh, dude, it still makes me laugh. Oh, you're Tommy O your theme song. I love it, fucking. You're Tommy O, your theme song. I love it, fucking love it Big shot, big shot. Big shot. Yeah, you and your leather chaps.

Speaker 3 31:39

Shut up, dude. Tommy O is a terrorist.

Speaker 4 31:44

He fucking can be, if you saw him in a pair of assless chaps with a glitter.

Speaker 1 31:47

That's that first one With a glitter. Fanny pack.

Speaker 1 31:49

A gentleman like himself walking around with assless chaps. Your first thought is terrorist, because no normal man would do that. He's terrorizing somebody. I'm not sure who it was, but he was terrorizing somebody. The fucking local elders. Put that hand bone back in your pocket, bro. Seriously, the fucking 90-year-old lady just died from that Fucking guy's getting kicked out of Florida. He swung a glitter bomb at me with his dick. Now we're in Albuquerque.

Speaker 1 32:20

That was good, that was good, but there's actual All right serious now. So there was this CIA targeter, whistleblower, yeah, who was on Sean Ryan show and she confirmed that the US has information, plausible information that even though January 9th passed she said there's three dates to be weary of it's the 19th of January, the 20th of January and the 9th of January, but that already passed. That the possibility of this thing called a swarm by Al-Qaeda. That there's so many sleeper cells in the United States who are planning this huge attack where suicide bombers with vests throughout the United States deploy their fucking vests on either the 19th of January or the 20th. And can you imagine that happens January 20th in Washington DC On James Earl Ray Day that's what they call in the South.

Speaker 2 33:29

Well.

Speaker 1 33:34

I got to get on the pads right here. You know I do it's a direction you can fuck, but she was Just adamant about it and the fact that she kept on saying the government Knows about this and they've known of these cells. They just don't know where they are. So then, like knowing that, how do you have all that information and you know where? You know that's supposed to be happening. You know they call it the swarm and they have these high-tech vests now that get through metal detectors. Is this really just a? Could it just be a scare tactic? Here's the reason why I don't think so. Maybe, though I'm trying to remember the guy's name. I mean, the CIA don't have a real good track record lately. Yeah, it's not looking good. I mean, let's be honest.

Speaker 3 34:30

Nor the FBI either.

Speaker 1 34:31

Well, the FBI have been famous but incompetent for eons at this point. So there's this dude.

Speaker 3 34:40

I like that right. Yeah, yeah, Like I don't know if he got it, but I got it.

Speaker 1 34:46

Dude, I don't even know. I'm doing circles in my own head right now. Fbi Famous but incompetent. That's good, right, you're smiling really hard for that one. That's one of my favorites.

Speaker 2 35:00

I'm saying he is, I've been saying that for years.

Speaker 1 35:04

So I'm trying to remember this guy's name that Rogan was talking about. Where this guy, everybody thought he was a this lunatic. He has nothing to do with politics. He was on social media and he made these predictions about trump and all of them came true. Like prior to everything happening right, and before I saw the CIA thing, I heard about this guy and he brought up January 19th, january 20th, a supposed attack on the United States from Al Qaeda. Then I hear it from the CIA targeter and I was like wait a minute, when was the video when he said this? And he said this fucking way before she did? How does a guy who's not affiliated with the government whatsoever, not affiliated with politics, fucking Joe Schmo on Instagram or on whatever TikTok, whatever it is? How is he getting all this shit right? And and how come he said what she said but he said it before she did? I don't have an answer to that. That's where I'm a little concerned, because I was supposed to go to Jersey Monday?

Speaker 1 36:24

Should I not drive over bridges on Monday? Probably no, and you know what? I don't know. If that, that probably would not fucking surprise me, whatsoever, whatsoever. I'm just gonna be like fuck, I knew, you, knew it, knew it all right, yeah, this is the end of the world. World war three. Oh, let's get a bunch of fucking. Uh, people, we can pay their families because they're going to be suicide bombers. Let's go get them and start a war. You think the government would go to extremes like that in order for them not to switch power on the 20th? Yeah, maybe, yeah, it doesn't sound crazy to me, not?

Speaker 3 37:12

no, it's not far-fetched, it doesn't sound great to me Like not no, it's not far-fetched, it's not a no, it's the 25th.

Speaker 1 37:20

Amendment, isn't it? But let's be honest. If something like that happens and they push that button, somebody has to shoot Joe Biden in the face because they don't want him around anymore and they gotta instill that cackling hyena. I don't know. I think that's when the NWO steps in. If they can't implement Scott Hall, they're right.

Speaker 4 37:46

First of all.

Speaker 1 37:47

Once I see Hollywood Hogan, he's dead. Him and I are going to have some words. That's going to be my first.

Speaker 3 37:53

Kevin Nash. What are we talking here?

Speaker 1 37:59

First of all, we're not getting into the Razor Ramon thing again. We know your feelings towards him and your supposed legend.

Speaker 3 38:06

I love him man.

Speaker 1 38:07

He's great, the legend of three beers. I was going up to Milhouse for a network meeting and he starts talking about you know what three beers. Yeah, I was telling him I was going up to Mill House for a network meeting and he starts talking about you know what. Then you can go to the Civic Center and if you go to this door, I was thrown more than 10 feet. Oh, remember when we were talking about that, I was like I got my tape measure in the fucking car. Yeah, I totally fucking forgot to go, oh Fuck you man, I you man I dropped the ball on that.

Speaker 1 38:36

Come on man. Uh, that would have gotten done easily. Next thing I go and measure, I'm like dude. It's like fucking three feet dude. There's no way to get anyone more than first.

Speaker 3 38:47

There's no curb here it's. It's not three feet man, it's.

Speaker 1 38:53

I'm trying to remember what it looks like. I know exactly what you're talking about too.

Speaker 3 38:56

Like there were three people that actually threw me out of that place.

Speaker 1 39:03

Well, that's what you get for getting caught. You got sloppy. That's like when we were kids back in the day your friend would grab your hands, your friend would grab your feet, swing you back and forth, throw you into the fucking pool or something.

Speaker 2 39:12

Or you always Grab your feet, swing you back and forth throw you into the fucking pool or something.

Speaker 1 39:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you always pick on the little friends, yeah, but you wanted to pick on Matt but he was too heavy when he was little, oh, I was like you just jump in, motherfucker, jumping on your own.

Speaker 3 39:22

But yeah, that was children we're talking about grown men, I know.

Speaker 1 39:29

So instead of that, we just throw beers at fucking wrestlers, that's it.

Speaker 3 39:35

Anyways.

Speaker 1 39:36

I just I really do want to see how far it is, because I mean your level of exaggeration on things at times. Dude, you had the fucking. I know I did. I said I dropped the ball. You blew it, man. Sorry, I did, I did. You didn't drop the ball, I just totally forgot about it when I was up there man, I did not blow it.

Speaker 3 39:53

Yeah, you did dude, because she blew it. I did not blow it, I did not.

Speaker 2 40:03

You did like you were there put him in the fucking bed, get him out of here, come on like that's what they said when he threw his third beer like, were you not there?

Speaker 3 40:14

I?

Speaker 1 40:14

Was at Milhouse.

Speaker 3 40:16

Which is like.

Speaker 1 40:17

I know and I just totally forgot, like I just said.

Speaker 3 40:20

So I don't understand why you're still questioning me on this not questioning, I'm just saying you were there, you blew it I know I said yes, I admitted that.

Speaker 1 40:29

See, this is how I get rid of the anger and rage. I do admit my wrongs. It's it's. It's kind of enthralling to be honest with you. Really. See, this is how I get rid of the anger and rage. I do admit my wrongs. It's kind of enthralling really can you ever admit that you're wrong?

Speaker 3 40:40

I can yeah say it say it, say you're wrong.

Speaker 1 40:46

I have many times many times what that I was wrong have you ever said I was wrong and I'm sorry? Um, I don't believe it. You're thinking about that way too long no, I haven't Patrick, you know. Kevin is like Kevin's not always right, but he's never wrong. Yeah, I know, thank you miss 60 percent of the time. It works all the time it's a little Black Panther for you. Little Black Panther. Oh my god, smells like Bigfoot's dick. Dude you don't remember that In Anchorman I do.

Speaker 1 41:43

It was quiet, though in the background and it was a chick who said oh my God, smells like Bigfoot's dick. It's pungent. Smells like Indian food in a baby's diaper that's pungent Fucking Paul.

Speaker 4 41:55

Rudd Stinks and nods.

Speaker 1 41:59

What a great fucking movie, dude Classic. I watched Another one they can't make today. No, I was just going to say that because I watched Tropic Thunder the other night. Oh, love it, love it, love it. It's crazy. That movie's not even old and what's in that movie we'll never, ever be able to put into a movie again. I'm amazed they even put it on cable anymore. That should be our niche. Dead serious. Which one's going in blackface? No, we should do shit that used to get done. It's not racist. I'm not looking to do funny shit because it's comical and it's not to hurt anybody's fucking feelings, but everybody's taking the fun away To make people laugh. We're here to make people laugh. God, I think we should be like the jesters back in the medieval days, just walking around Minstrels, what, what? I don't know what he said. I said medieval, I said menstruals, menstruals. What does menstruation have to do with this? That's what they're called. Jesters are called menstruals.

Speaker 3 43:04

No, but like. They're just sort of like obsessive obsession Intertwined. You know what they're? The same but different.

Speaker 1 43:14

Dude, this is. This is where he goes into his Jedi mind. Shit right now, because I'm like this is another one, my obsessive. Okay, don't ask him to tell a story, ladies and gentlemen, if we have anybody out there listening.

Speaker 1 43:29

I know you're not, it's okay, I'm listening, right? Yeah, so what you want to do is you want to give us a call? 845-852 I don't remember the rest. We're the only show that forgets our fucking number. That's great. 845-842-1652. There you go, we'll call you back Once again. Yeah, if you leave a message, we'll call you back 845-842-1652. Where's Matt? Where are you going, matty?

Speaker 3 43:59

This is fucking exit stage. Right, he's like beyond the trophies.

Speaker 1 44:05

So what was I even saying again? Does it even matter? Fuck Shit. All right, what the fuck were we talking about? We went from terrorist attacks to Tropic Thunder. Oh, yes, yes, I still don't remember. We're good, we are good. What's wrong with you? Nothing's wrong with me. Okay, I'm on a fucking two-day bender. I need to get some sleep Now, okay. So here's my question Now. If so, here's my question Now if that does happen on the 20th, what's your reaction going to be? Do you think like?

Speaker 2 44:43

a-.

Speaker 1 44:44

It actually happening?

Speaker 2 44:45

No, not happening, if it does happen?

Speaker 1 44:48

Right, if it does happen, what is your first action when you hear about it? What are you doing? Patty Kevin likes to save the best for last. I'm going to be at RP Prime in Fairlawn eating a fucking porterhouse for two, so Matt's going to be like I'm probably going to have some scotch Matt's going to be like I'm finishing my dinner, then I'm out. Well, I'm going to finish. I mean Fairlawn's not getting.

Speaker 2 45:15

Fairlawn.

One-Eyed Willie and Workplace Drama

Speaker 1 45:16

That's from Die Hard. No, that's not Nakatomi Plus. No, no, no, die Hard. Oh, yes, fairlawn was one of the Three. No, not three. It was Live Free or Die Hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, right, yeah, yeah, farallon was where they had all the control of the gas and everything. It wasn't Shia LaBeouf, was it? No, who was the kid that was in that? Oh, what's his name? From Long Right, he's funny as hell. He's in fucking hilarious movies. I hate him. He's funny as shit. He's a dildo. But Fairlawn is actually a big hub that controls the electronics and the grids. I believe that's one of the main ones. If anything ever happened to it, that the whole East Coast would be out. So maybe that's why drones were in Jersey. Now things are starting to connect.

Speaker 1 46:16

It's going to be like 9-11 again, I'm going to have to sneak home over to Things are just starting to connect Bear Mountain Bridge, so what's going to you heard it here first, people. I'm telling you right now. Well, no one heard it live and we're probably not going to put this out. So Breaking news, this out so breaking news. It's been a few months since I've edited some episodes and put them on in Buzzsprout, so I will be a better friend in person and I will do that tomorrow because I am not doing anything. Do you want to release four in one day? That'd be awesome, person, and I will do that tomorrow because I am not doing anything. Do you want to release four in one day? That'd be awesome. Alright, we can do that, alright. Do you need help? Nah, it's so bad because it takes like 15 minutes each thing. I just gotta edit real quick and boom, boom, boom. Okay, and I gotta do better in that situation. So I admit my wrongs. I'm much better at this. I'm such a. I'm clear. It's the gospel music dude.

Speaker 3 47:16

You're not much better, but you're getting better.

Speaker 1 47:18

Kevin. He's better than some people. I may not be much better, but I am fully better.

Speaker 3 47:24

So getting better this fucking guy.

Speaker 1 47:30

Silent Rage is a little tickle Silent Rage. Was it Chuck Norris Rage? This fucking guy? It's a silent rages, sounds like a little tickle Silent rage. What does Chuck Norris move Rage? I just want to kill somebody. I really do. Hopefully the apocalypse does happen so I can get it out of the way and just get it out of my system. Johnny Pico, what's going on, buddy? We missed you. Hey, johnny, quick question for you, fella. Quick question for you, fella. Have you heard or do you know of anything about a possible terrorist threat?

Speaker 3 48:12

either January 19th and or 20th by the Al-Qaeda with undetectable suicide bombing vests.

Speaker 1 48:15

Very detailed, right, quite specific. I'm asking him and Facebook's probably monitoring, but if he gets an answer, we're fucking good.

Speaker 3 48:22

Don't answer, Johnny Don't answer Fact checkers.

Speaker 1 48:26

Fact checkers Blink twice if you hear me, johnny, safe word is snorkel. Just remember that We'll be there, we'll get you. Kevin's got built up rage. I know we'll get to you. We will get in the car right now. We'll be at Wisconsin in two days and he'll murder a fucking cow on the way and chop it and leave it in the fucking back and let it rot.

Speaker 3 48:49

No, no, dude, I'll take those snakes man.

Speaker 1 48:51

No, that's how you get through those Muslims. They don't like that cow blood shit. First of all, I got proof the turkey, he's not taking care of the cow after it's dead. No, no, the cow will be put in the fridge. I thought it was going to stay cold the whole two years. I've had this cow in here for two years. You think the meat's still good? It was smoked, dude. That was his reasoning to say eat a piece of that, turkey. It was smoked. Did it have hair on it? Speaking of oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold up, wait, wait, wait. Do we have to get the wheel? I don't know. I'll get the wheel. I don't know. I think we should. I'll get the wheel, I'll get the wheel.

Speaker 3 49:36

I'll get it. Honestly, I feel like you're going to take the brunt of this right now. Why?

Speaker 1 49:44

Because you've been. I have nothing to prove.

Speaker 3 49:47

You have nothing to offer as well, and I feel like you should take the brunt of.

Speaker 1 50:04

I'm getting the brunt of this and I'm not fucking offering anything, okay so, hear me out.

Speaker 3 50:12

I feel that you were the one who didn't. We didn't want participate shut up, bitch.

Speaker 2 50:27

Instead you gotta put, you're gonna have to put this back there.

Speaker 3 50:35

Yeah, just give it to me. No, I don't think we need the wheel right now, dude, I think.

Speaker 1 50:50

Watch your head.

Speaker 3 50:52

Yeah, spin it.

Speaker 4 50:56

Thanks, captain, captain, fucking guy.

Speaker 3 51:02

Like really, man, you're shitting on me right now, bro.

Speaker 1 51:06

I'm not shitting on anyone.

Speaker 3 51:08

I'm just saying, like being the one that didn't Participate in this particular Event. We're going to spin the wheel and then we're going to do what we got to do, like being the one that didn't participate in this particular event.

Speaker 1 51:14

We're going to spin the wheel and then we're going to do what we got to do. I think green, purple, yellow and blue are orbs.

Speaker 3 51:26

Green, purple, yellow is orbs, red is Pat. He just gets one Like. The guy that didn't like participate in this gets one color.

Speaker 1 51:41

Sounds like the four years with you.

Speaker 2 51:43

Hello.

Speaker 3 51:46

Right, like I feel like we get one color and he gets the rest. Man, what's?

Speaker 1 51:53

the matter, pat. What are you looking for? Now? You have two extra, just for that comment. Just for that.

Speaker 3 52:02

Like he's got nothing. He's got nothing to fucking bring to this moment. Do you recall when he peeled?

Speaker 1 52:09

his face off with the pot peppers. No, you don't remember that.

Speaker 3 52:15

Yeah, and.

Speaker 1 52:16

Do you remember the?

Speaker 3 52:17

cherry I ate. Like hashtag, yeah, and and.

Speaker 1 52:22

Do you remember the cherry I ate?

Speaker 2 52:24

Do you remember the stroke I had?

Speaker 1 52:26

after eating those fucking jelly beans. Yeah, like hashtag yeah and Hashtag Shut up, bitch. That shit was funny when I stroked out. There's still times I think about it.

Speaker 3 52:39

I wasn't there for that, by the way. Just saying.

Speaker 1 52:44

That was Tommy O and Mikey.

Speaker 3 52:46

Like honestly.

Speaker 1 52:48

Tommy had the best Comment the whole time as I'm walking out. He's like you want me to grease up some battles so close. Had the best comment the whole time as I'm walking out. He's like you want me to grease up some battles so close and I look at him like a fish and in my head I'm like you, motherfucker. You're lucky I can't say anything, and I wanted to, but doing that, I'm going to go downstairs and oh, oh God, uh-oh, there's a microphone right here Doing that I'm going to go downstairs and oh, oh, my God, uh-oh, there's a microphone, right here there's a

Speaker 1 53:19

microphone right here for you. Ladies and gentlemen, I told you we have breaking news. There is breaking fucking news For the first time ever, ever, ever, ever. I didn't even think she knew where this video was, ever, ever. I didn't even think she knew where this dirty hole was. Ladies and gentlemen, first time ever, the silent assassin. You're probably not going to see her on the screen because she's silent, but it looks like she's going to kill somebody.

Speaker 2 53:45

Come on in.

Speaker 1 53:47

And I think it's Kevin. She was looking right at the frying pan too. What's she throwing, jesus? She just threw a Chinese star. You're dead, dude. You better protect yourself. Yeah, look at him now, protect your neck she's so drunk. Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 54:07

I fear for your life tonight.

Speaker 1 54:10

I'm afraid to even walk out of the studio later. You're thinking butt sex yeah, she's going gonna suffocate you Some way somehow. No, no, no, not her receiving, she's going to be giving. Yeah, kevin, butt sex, bjorn style, it's French.

Speaker 4 54:30

Oh my god.

Speaker 1 54:32

This is oh boy. You know the fact that. Well, at least we know how the terrorists are gonna be fucking, how they're gonna be tortured. Definitely on the Bjorn ranch. You took what up there. There's a fist and a KY jelly. What do you mean? She's saying there's room for more.

Speaker 2 54:51

What? How far can you go? Room for more? What, how far can you?

Speaker 1 54:56

go. I think he's asking you to get up to the elbow.

Speaker 3 55:02

Like what a fucking monkey you are.

Speaker 1 55:06

You're right, you're going to put that up there and you're going to hold that for me. That's what you're going to do. Alright, we're in the fucking apocalypse. You're going to keep it warm. Put that in your prison wallet. I said Beirut, you prison wallet.

Speaker 2 55:22

I said Beirut, beirut, banana.

Speaker 1 55:28

Kevin Seifert you know it's therapy Banana Snorkel. Snorkel Get over here, oh, now we get smoked down here, because I think he's scared right now. To be honest with you, he's having his last cigarette, just like somebody does before they're over there at the shooting fucking squad. He doesn't even know what's going on right now.

Speaker 1 55:53

We're pulling out the. Yeah, unfortunately you're coming. Dude, I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I think there's some fear in there. Maybe you get a fear boner during that whole time. Yeah, I know. When she gets highly aggressive, hey, pat, when she gets highly aggressive, you know it's going to be good. Wow, it's going to get freaky. You're like a fear boner because you're scared for your life, but you're horny at the same time. Do you get one of those? Hey, pat, no, can I get the over under on a pee in the closet tonight, because she's probably going to have him bound and tied, hang in there like a piece of meat. Oh, you like to smoke meat, do you? There's going to be a story. You like to use that smoker. I'm not sure what the story's going to be. You're my little piggy. Fuck you, man. You are my little piggy and I'm going to hang you from the closet.

Speaker 3 56:43

Fuck you.

Speaker 1 56:46

Say my name bitch.

Speaker 3 56:53

It's fucking two to one.

Speaker 1 56:54

If we can get him through the rest of that ball at Woodford, I want the odds on his shit in the litter box With the cat. At the same time You're gonna squat with the cat. What's up agent?

Speaker 3 57:05

Move over.

Speaker 1 57:08

Gunner's sitting there like he's only laughing and throwing in your finger like that, because he knows it's all true, it can happen. It totally can happen. How funny would it be if, up in the morning, the silent comes down. You want to hear a great story? Kevin shit in the litter box last night I'm going to get the text at 7am and he fell asleep with the cat on the side. I actually shit in the litter box last night I'm going to get the text at 7 am and he fell asleep with the cat on the side. I actually shit in the litter box, kevin shit. No, I think Matty went up there and did it on purpose. It looks like a farbman shit. I don't know, it's a little loose right now. You don't want me to do that in an open litter box no number one.

Speaker 3 57:51

I'm not shitting in a litter box.

Speaker 1 57:54

But you heard it here first people.

Speaker 3 57:55

But it's in your head.

Speaker 2 57:56

It's in your head.

Speaker 1 57:57

Kevin says it's never going to happen to him shitting in a litter box. When he's pissed, it's in your head. He's pissed on his dogs. He's pissed on the dog bed, random corners, drawers, on my dogs, on his dogs. What? We're making it better. We're making the story better. Will you black out later or are you going to have a drunk or a shit in a litter box? I'm going to shit in a litter box now as the silent one ties you up. She's like I'm going to have Gunner, fuck you. Oh, you're getting raped by Gunner tonight. That's the fucking telltale. End of it.

Speaker 1 58:33

It's when Gunner takes you over. He's submissive to the doll. Gunner does not like happiness. You can't laugh. You're gonna take this, you're gonna take this, you're gonna take this. You're gonna take this owner.

Speaker 3 59:00

Honestly, I got nothing. Alright, give me a second here Like holy fuck man. So you wanna tell the story?

Speaker 1 59:09

You wanna tell the story About what we're doing? Yeah, I'll put your Earphones back on and tell the story about what we're doing. Get off, put your earphones back on and tell the story of the new bit that we have for the. Take a Deep Show. What's your new safe word? Fidelio?

Speaker 3 59:26

You never have a new safe word, just in case.

Speaker 1 59:30

Oh no, it's happening again. Fuck, I forgot to save for her. Alright, she didn't hear Beirut last time.

Speaker 2 59:39

Strawberry.

Speaker 3 59:42

Where's my lighter? You threw it on the table. I found my cigarette.

Speaker 1 59:46

It's right there actually.

Speaker 3 59:48

Oh sweet.

Speaker 1 59:50

Alright, so you want to tell everyone a new bit that we're going to do every week on the Take a Deep Show.

Speaker 3 59:54

Okay, so we're doing a little gas station.

Speaker 1 59:56

We're going to be so consistent with it, just like we are with the show.

Speaker 3 59:59

I think we should be with this one man. It's kind of fun. We're doing gas station food roulette. Right Like chat roulette, no Like.

Speaker 1 1:00:14

Roulette. Okay, and explain those terms that I forgot and I I apologize well, someone has to purchase a gas station food item, right?

Speaker 3 1:00:27

and not just like a beef jerky stick, like well, no, it could be anything really Right Like it could be, like I mean, I went to the first gas station.

Speaker 1 1:00:37

All I had really left was like donuts. I'm like I'm not getting a donut. Check that, uh that. For what do you need a pen? Black one?

Speaker 3 1:00:44

Yeah, well, over there like it could even be like a bag of chips, right?

Speaker 1 1:00:52

No Cause you want to make, it's got to be. Well, it could be.

Speaker 3 1:00:56

But it could be other stuff as well, like sushi.

Speaker 1 1:01:01

First of all, whoever buys sushi at a gas station is an asshole.

Speaker 3 1:01:05

We've all seen that.

Speaker 1 1:01:07

Right, that's why I said whoever buys sushi at a gas station is an asshole. They're looking for trouble.

Speaker 3 1:01:12

Well, that's the.

Speaker 1 1:01:14

As long as the wheel doesn't land on them.

Speaker 3 1:01:17

Like it's the kind of fun of this game. Right, like it could be sushi, right it could be, but someone.

Speaker 1 1:01:33

All right, so we have two items tonight. It's not the end of the world. Cut one in half.

Speaker 3 1:01:42

So how do we do the wheel Then? Right.

Speaker 1 1:01:50

Is this, kevin, I'm talking to right now. I'm putting my name up on the board.

Speaker 3 1:01:55

Yeah, what are you doing?

Speaker 4 1:01:55

Oh, okay, all right, okay, this guy, this guy, You're very like you know.

Speaker 1 1:02:02

And for you to even say that I wouldn't participate in this. Well, it's a punch in the dick right there.

Speaker 3 1:02:10

Is it Because?

Speaker 1 1:02:11

It was a dick punch. Explain the time you've ever sacrificed anything of you or your body for this show.

Speaker 3 1:02:17

Well, I mean currently. Oh boy, currently what? Currently you've done nothing for this bit. But Okay, I'm just saying, man, you know.

Speaker 1 1:02:49

Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a break. Matt just left the studio and, yeah, we're just going to chill out here real quick, so where'd he go?

Speaker 3 1:03:00

He's got to pee. He's totally peeing right now. I don't ever see him pee. No, he's totally peeing.

Speaker 1 1:03:08

I got the lighter fluid. I'm just going to set myself up. And what are you going to keep on saying? Ukraine is what.

Speaker 3 1:03:17

Viva Ukraine.

Speaker 1 1:03:23

What's the matter with you?

Speaker 3 1:03:24

I don't know man dude.

Speaker 1 1:03:28

I love making fun of Pat, but you're out of order, unreal.

Speaker 4 1:03:31

I'm just going to gas myself in that lighter fluid in front of Pat, but you're out of order, unreal.

Speaker 1 1:03:35

I'm just going to gas myself in that lighter fluid. You want me to participate. You want me to drink lighter fluid. What do you want me to do, Kev.

Speaker 2 1:03:44

Well at this moment you're not doing anything.

Speaker 4 1:03:50

Okay, of course not, I'm not.

Speaker 1 1:03:52

I mean, I don't know what you're putting up there, but I think it should be like Matt Pat Kev Kev Kev. Pat Matt Kev Kev Kev.

Speaker 3 1:04:02

It's fine.

Speaker 1 1:04:05

Yeah, you're hungry. Anyway, you didn't eat a lot today. You see why he's hungry. He's not fed ever, no Well, if he doesn't cook a five star meal. First of all, when the silent assassin Opens up the studio door for the first time ever and she gives the ever Across the throat motion. She did that.

Speaker 3 1:04:29

That's why I said it. Did you not see that?

Speaker 1 1:04:33

And then she threw like a fucking Chinese star at you, oh shit.

Speaker 4 1:04:38

So, I thought you were saying it for a gauntlet, yeah.

Speaker 1 1:04:41

I understand where your fear comes from. I get it. And she limited his intake of food today, so he wasn't allowed too. This is a good game for us. It's all about the bourbon today. We're friends, we'll give you food. I would have brought you food. We do understand the rage too. I get it. You're locked up in a cage, no release.

Speaker 3 1:05:05

Right, I was fired up. Man, I'm sure you're fired up to release man, you and me both.

Speaker 1 1:05:12

You ever see a scary movie, let's go jerk off in public, or something Might as well. Right, get a thrill out of that. What's wrong with that?

Speaker 3 1:05:32

What's you?

Speaker 1 1:05:32

writing there Putting our names on the wheel to see who who wins gas station roulette. All right, so, uh, I have one, two, three, four, four pies. Matt, you have 1, 2, 3, 4. Kevin, you have 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.

Speaker 3 1:06:05

Why do you not have 5?

Speaker 1 1:06:07

I think that's because of your comments and I had the marker. It's very simple to make that decision, Matthew. I'd marker. I mean very simple to make that decision. Matthew, I'd like to hear what you were saying, I can rewind the tape and just have him repeat what he just said. I think it's fair, thank you, what?

Speaker 2 1:06:26

Okay, did you see that?

Speaker 3 1:06:30

Like fuck off man.

Speaker 1 1:06:32

Kev, kev, alright, hey, bud, like, hey, like, go ahead, we're done, bro, alright, that's where you're gonna.

Speaker 3 1:06:41

no, no, we gotta hang a shelf, go ahead spin the wheel, bro alright so what is the selection on hand?

Gas Station Food Roulette Challenge

Speaker 1 1:06:53

I think spin the wheel first and then we'll we already know. This is how I'm going to know. The curse is still on me. All right, can you take out Kev? Could you take out the food items?

Speaker 3 1:07:05

I cannot, till the wheel is spun.

Speaker 1 1:07:08

I didn't know, you made up the rules. All right, I got to spin the wheel. Well, how's this working? Then we spin the wheel. Well, how's this working? Then we spin the wheel and do what, hey KX. Well, once we determine who's going to be sampling the gas station food items, then Kev can do an unveiling. He gets, oh okay, and then the person has to select.

Speaker 3 1:07:27

Yeah Right, no, no, no, the person does not get the right. They just fucking do Eat.

Speaker 4 1:07:35

All of it, so spin it man.

Speaker 1 1:07:38

Spin it. Once again, this is another thing that's not followed through on. Didn't finish it.

Speaker 3 1:07:45

It's great man, it's fucking great.

Speaker 1 1:07:48

Take a deep show, typical Round and round. We go hey KX, hey Kappa, and it's gonna land on me. I knew it. So I have to say a prayer to the flowers after the show. I mean, come on, come, the fuck on people.

Speaker 4 1:08:13

So Best two out of three.

Speaker 1 1:08:15

Ladies and gentlemen, if you don't know. So what does that mean? You tell me you're the one who made up the game Pat. Now has to sample the gas station food items, both or one, I mean, that's a little, he doesn't have to eat everything.

Speaker 4 1:08:35

Wait, there's two of them, here we go here we go, here we go.

Speaker 1 1:08:39

There's two of them. Cut that in half, and can you do the other stuff in half or no? I feel like we have a, can you do the other stuff in half or no?

Speaker 3 1:08:48

Answer the question. We can do both, but I feel like Pat like spun it and he, you know now he has to spin to feel like what, or you need to stop talking right, yeah so now that we have a Right, I do. I feel like you have to spin to do what, whoever brought whatever.

Speaker 1 1:09:27

What the fuck are you saying? What are you saying? Oh fuck man, what's his name girl? Oh yeah, down at the schoolhouse. Oh fuck man, what's his name girl? Oh yeah, down at the schoolhouse. Okay, lassie.

Speaker 3 1:09:38

What else? Okay, so you're going to do whatever.

Speaker 4 1:09:42

Mrs Smith up the street.

Speaker 3 1:09:44

Now you have to spin to do whatever you're going to do.

Speaker 4 1:09:49

What, what, the fuck is that? What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 1:09:53

We spun so now I gotta erase this and put no.

Speaker 3 1:09:58

So Pat has to eat whatever he spins, like me or you.

Speaker 1 1:10:05

Oh, so it's whoever brought it in. I got you Right, right, right.

Speaker 3 1:10:08

No.

Speaker 2 1:10:08

I was gonna do it. No, that's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 1:10:13

No, because this is the good solution to it. No, that's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 1:10:16

I don't think it's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 1:10:17

No because this is the good solution to it, right? Yeah, no, not yours. Yours was a dumb idea. Spin it again, so I get to spin it Whoever it lands on. Those two people split what's on there, so it's going to be me and somebody else no, why no? So now you're really not doing anything for the moment.

Speaker 3 1:10:33

No, so you're going to do.

Speaker 1 1:10:36

How are you going to contribute what? I'm just wondering Because you're doing nothing for this one.

Speaker 3 1:10:43

So you're going to eat. So now we have a participant right.

Speaker 1 1:10:48

Oh, my God, dude, I got to get going. First of all, you're not doing that because that's not happening and we need to finish up in like seven minutes, alright, so we're going to spin this again.

Speaker 3 1:11:01

Yeah, so Pat's going to eat whatever With somebody else.

Speaker 1 1:11:05

Who it's going to get me again. You just stop that. You're an asshole and it's broken. No, it's not broken. Touch that again. We're gonna get the silent assassin down here. And, kevin, do you know what you're gonna do? Do you know why your name was even picked? Dude, you just looked like a deer in headlights. It was like a confusing question.

Speaker 3 1:11:37

No, no no.

Speaker 1 1:11:38

So now, what do we have for the treats that you and I are going to be sharing?

Speaker 3 1:11:44

Well, no, not you and I.

Speaker 1 1:11:45

No, I just spun you God, no, you no. This is you not contributing once again? No, no, here's. No, you're going to eat what Kevin brought, so pull that out. And then I spin the next person who goes Okay, well, no, because there's two items. I'm one of them. So now, you lucky fucks, it's going to be you.

Speaker 4 1:12:11

It's fine.

Speaker 1 1:12:11

I'm hungry. All right, round and round, we go's gonna land on Pat again. If it does, I'll fucking kill somebody. Hey, kevin again. Alright, we really took the moment out of that one.

Speaker 3 1:12:26

So Kevin's gonna eat.

Speaker 1 1:12:27

Kevin's gonna eat what I brought, and then, if it lands on me, kevin's gonna eat my dick. If it lands on me, kev's going to eat my dick. No, ten million. It landed on me. Buddy, eat his dick. Yeah, twist his dick, twist it.

Speaker 4 1:12:44

You going to do it.

Speaker 1 1:12:47

What food items do we have? Orbs.

Speaker 3 1:12:50

Grab his dick and twist it. Oh my God, this is an MMA fight, dude you twist that dick, twist his dick and twist it.

Speaker 2 1:12:54

Oh my god, this is an MMA fight, dude. You twist that dick, twist his dick, twist his dick. Oh my god, dick twist Alright what do we got Orbs?

Speaker 1 1:13:08

What's Pat eating?

Speaker 3 1:13:11

Pat's eating what who brought Matt? Yeah, that's eating what?

Speaker 1 1:13:22

who brought matt? Yeah, sorry are we. Are we not talking now? Are we not talking in the microphone?

Speaker 3 1:13:26

my name is jeff dude, it's fucking dark man my name is jeff jeff man, it's dark and whatever you has swole has swole. Oh, you want to see something swole? Yeah, but what's Pat eating? We don't know what you brought. Pat is eating what you brought Kevin needs to be, used.

Speaker 1 1:14:01

No, Pat's eating what you brought.

Speaker 2 1:14:04

Because, I spun you oh, okay. Ladies and gentlemen, let's thank Kevin for giving us an example of what a retard is.

Speaker 3 1:14:17

Because he's retarded. Fuck man, at least you're not a faggot retard. I was hoping no he is a big faggoty retard.

Speaker 2 1:14:25

Well, that's after the assassin gets a hold of him, she's gonna turn him into a window licker.

Speaker 1 1:14:31

It's gonna be like throwing a fucking hot dog down a hallway. Yeah, that's the way it's gonna sound window licker. It's going to be like throwing a fucking hot dog down the hallway.

Speaker 2 1:14:35

Yeah, that's the way it's going to sound. Adelie Acosta, you're going to love me, kevin, I'm the silent assassin.

Speaker 3 1:14:45

So I'm eating what you brought. Yes, lick my butt.

Speaker 2 1:14:51

What.

Speaker 1 1:14:53

What's going on, dude? Come on, let's get with it. Come on, bro. Seriously, I gotta go. Dude, he's got things to do. A muffin, go man. You brought a muffin, you brought a muffin. There's a reason why I stay away from those fucking things in the castle, are you, rob? Is there a date on that?

Speaker 3 1:15:10

I did man First of all. Well, there was, that's not bad.

Speaker 1 1:15:13

That's actually that's all right. Yeah, blueberry, it's kind of it's got a fucking some weight to it, dude.

Speaker 3 1:15:19

I mean, I would like you to throw that in a toaster oven.

Speaker 1 1:15:23

You got to eat the whole thing too, right, you don't have to eat the whole thing, get the fuck out of here, Dude.

Speaker 3 1:15:30

there's not even like a cut in half thing. Come on.

Speaker 4 1:15:40

Oh my God, I'm going to specify. I need some fucking liquid, god.

Speaker 1 1:15:50

Oh, I'm turning into paste. Pat rate, your gas station. Blueberry muffin.

Speaker 4 1:15:57

It's like paper mache and I can't get all the company from behind my teeth.

Speaker 1 1:16:05

But I can roll over the microphone. I may choke to death. Do you see Pat shooting blueberry muffin through the spot where his teeth used to be Dude?

Speaker 4 1:16:15

I was just not breathing for like 30 seconds right there because it was stuck in my throat. Holy shit, bro, what is it you got? Is this straight up paste?

Speaker 3 1:16:25

This ain't that bad. No, no, dude, honestly man, a little bit of mayo, it'd be great.

Speaker 1 1:16:42

Why don't you get Pat a bite on the other side, let's see what he thinks of that one. And you take a bite of the muffin. I got the muffin caught in my tooth, oh, they're so good. No, give him a bite of that. Take your bite out of the other end, is that Dude? Thank you man. Oh, you wanna do. You wanna do the lady in the tramp thing? Honestly, let's do the lady in the tramp thing. Yeah, I think you should. You get one end, I'll get the other. We'll eat to the middle. Get it. Get it At this point, at this point, no, at this point. You. You got oats on that. What is that? That's a multi-grain roll. This was made with fucking Grout. That'll work. Do you want to?

Speaker 1 1:17:25

get something on the wall and make it stick. Let me see that. Chew this muffin up a little bit. Rules for the apocalypse Make sure you get the muffins. If you want to build something and you want it to stick up, I'd use that shit.

Speaker 3 1:17:38

Like I One and a half, yeah, like.

Speaker 1 1:17:43

You didn't get a condiment. No, you're going to eat that shit dry. That makes it worse. So now I'm going to die again.

Speaker 3 1:17:49

Oh, that is sick. This is great.

Speaker 1 1:17:56

That is sick, that's terrible. Well, the quality is.

Speaker 4 1:18:04

I'm probably going to review this. What is on here? I?

Muffins Built Like Concrete

Speaker 1 1:18:09

don't know. Is that cheese White turkey and cheddar cheese? You got jive turkey and cheddar cheese? Dude, that's not cheddar. That is the fucking single pack. Whatever cheese it is, it's government. You can tell that's crafted somewhere in a lab. Oh my God, oh my God. This is like fucking patients. Take a bigger bite. See what happens. I'm telling you right now no, no, I don't want it. It may taste good and you can't be. It turns into Uh-huh, my teeth are still coated. Dude, that just built up my tooth. I don't have that missing part anymore. It reacts differently to different chemicals. I mean, there's nothing better than those muffins that are wrapped up in the fucking cellophane, for they've been there for months and you know it. I'm going to say this what was the date on that? Last night, at two in the morning, when I was driving home, I would eat the fuck out of this muffin. Yeah, what was the date on that? There's no date, not tonight. No, there's no date on that. No, not tonight. Was there a date on there?

Speaker 3 1:19:24

I don't know man.

Speaker 1 1:19:26

You see how much he's enjoying that sandwich right now. I don't know why I went in for more. I have no idea why I went in for more bites. Fucking cheers bro.

Speaker 1 1:19:35

Bought that motherfucker a sandwich. Look how much he's enjoying it. Look at the smile on his face. He's like holy shit, chewing on the fake, the fakest bread ever. And I cannot wait to eat that. Mystery cheese, government cheese, that's Kraft single packs. Come on, that's not cheddar, I don't know. Listen, oh my god, this fucking bread is so bad. The package said white turkey. I got scared. I'm like what other kind of turkey is that? That's what the bread was made out of White turkey Smoked. Yeah, you can take this fucking muffin back. I like your muffin. You know what you can do. Is there a hole you need to spackle? Because?

Speaker 1 1:20:18

no, joke I can chew on that like the Aborigine's doing. If you took this muffin and you slammed this in a hole and you rock, you can literally sand it tomorrow and then paint it or eat it. It's repeat, fucking. It's what is. It's really made out of um I vote sanding it's porous concrete.

Speaker 1 1:20:46

You know that's. It's almost like a mortar mix. See, I would make a joke and I would throw this at kevin, but I'm afraid to give him a second concussion in two days. This at Kevin, but I'm afraid he'd give him a second concussion in two days. Yeah, it's a weird material, is that even on the fucking periodic table? Whatever that's made out of, I actually want to throw it against a gong, but I know no one's going to clean anything up that flies apart. No, you'll have a.

Speaker 1 1:21:07

There's a group of Puerto Rican mice that are around. I think they're M13. Why are they Puerto Rican? They have tattoos. No, they had a do-rag. And they carry switchblades. Oh, you've seen them when you're down here at night. We've had discussions. I'm looking for a good drug dealer Out of that crew.

Speaker 1 1:21:30

Take the two year old turkey out of the fridge and leave it in front of them. You guys want a treat? No, it's smoked, dude. That means it lasts a lifetime. They'll take it back. It doesn't matter if it's been there for two years. They'll take it back to their den and they'll all die. Listen, I'll open the door. It doesn't even smell. So you know it's not rotted.

Speaker 1 1:21:47

You big, you know what? We just came up with this. Oh, get over here, ricky, with your fucking gold tooth and your switchblade. Come here, the TID exterminators. We take two-year-old food out of the fridge and we feed it to the rats, and they die. Oh, I thought you were talking about feeding it to people. And they die. Oh, I'm fine with that too.

Speaker 1 1:22:06

Alright, we gotta go. We should have left 20 minutes ago. Oh my god, then we should have left 20 minutes ago. Oh my God. We've been recording this long. Jesus Christ, this show is just sucking. How long Hour and 23. Oh, we can easily chop 45 minutes off of that. No, you're going to leave all that stupid shit in there. All right, fuck it. You know, I'm sure you can. This is great the fact that you're even saying that right now. Bro, my tooth is howling since eating that fucking muffin. That muffin was awful. I think it pasted my root instantly with pure sugar cane. Where'd you get those? Somebody had a box outside, by the recycle bin. I'm not gonna lie. I had to go to three gas stations. It was at a gas station but it was in a dumpster, but where?

Speaker 1 1:22:53

Don't worry about where. Alright, I kind of want to know, man. You know what I want to know? Kev Forecasts rain. Well, that was earlier. That's what he's doing later tonight. That was earlier tonight too, giving you rain. Silent assassin, or how we like to call it. Kevin's going to be divulging. You're going to be divulging the silent assassin tonight.

Speaker 3 1:23:16

No, she's fucking sleeping, bro, oh.

Speaker 4 1:23:21

It's a direction you can fuck.

Speaker 1 1:23:22

That's what he's going to hear. When he touches her. The poor assassin's going to have divulging in her head. It's either her or Scout. One of the two. Oh, why you got to talk about Scout like that. She's a dirty whore. She takes it from everybody.

Speaker 2 1:23:37

Oh, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, let's have sex.

Speaker 1 1:23:41

Do that? Go into the bedroom and say that when you first walk in, strip naked I don't know, go upstairs, kick the door in, wiggle and then giggity, giggity, let's have sex. Put this on your weenus.

Speaker 3 1:23:55

Straight up raping, then giggity, giggity, let's have sex.

Speaker 1 1:23:58

Put this on your weenus Straight up raping. Hey Matt, Let the boy watch. We're going to bring Obi in.

Speaker 1 1:24:05

That's where we end it. I'm going to throw up from saying that Get out. Oh, my God, I got to go, I got to go, I got to go, I got to go, I got to go, I got to go, I got to go. Oh, I'm not touching anything. What are we doing? Live. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us on this bullshit, ridiculous show. Learning about Kevin's rage and how to lessen the blow, speaking of blowing you going upstairs. Don't worry, she'll blow you. Why do we got to get out of here? We don't want to know what witnesses Take it deep bitches.

Speaker 2 1:24:48

Take it deep ATT.