Hemorrhoids, Hot Takes, And The Comet That “Went Through” The Sun

Your body does not care that it’s a Saturday, that you’re hungover, or that you’ve got jokes lined up. That’s where our night starts: tech problems, big energy, and a plan to rope a friend into an acoustic duet, then a hard pivot into real-life stuff that hits way closer to home.

We get into Easter logistics and the weird power dynamics of holiday cooking. One of us is “assigned” the menu like it’s a job, so we break down what’s actually being made and moved: spiral ham, rosemary-garlic roasted potatoes, filet, shrimp cocktail, and a charcuterie board. From there it’s sports talk with teeth, from UConn’s run to what the NIL transfer portal era is doing to college basketball, then straight into adult rec league baseball where pride, travel, and rust collide.

The center of the conversation is health. We talk diabetes management with a continuous glucose monitor, what “good” blood sugar ranges look like, and how fast carbs can change the way you feel. That leads into a blunt, personal story about having a stroke, the terror of trying to communicate when your body will not cooperate, and why humor shows up even when things are scary. Along the way we detour into a comet “going into the sun,” UFO prophecy chatter tied to Easter 2026, and a little political venting about prices and the news cycle.

If you like a comedy podcast that can be ridiculous one minute and dead serious the next, you’ll feel at home here. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a laugh, and leave a review with the wildest topic shift you’ve ever heard us make.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 2:20

I mean, come on, it doesn't get any better than that. The fact that I have to move the fucking phone away from the microphone. Whatever. First of all, it's paired up. No clue why it's not working.

SPEAKER_06 2:29

So that's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Yeah. So that's our new that's our new intro.

SPEAKER_05 2:34

Are we even live? We're live. Okay. Nice.

SPEAKER_06 2:36

Nice.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Yeah, we're live.

SPEAKER_05 2:38

One out of two ain't bad.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Meatloaf. Two out of three ain't bad. That's a good one. It's another good one. Uh, if if Bubba Joe's listening.

SPEAKER_05 2:49

No. He probably isn't.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

Whatever. It doesn't matter because the gauntlet has been drawn. But Joe, we have decided that you and I are going to be doing a duet.

SPEAKER_05 3:01

On T.I.D. idol.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

On T.I.D. Idol acoustic.

SPEAKER_05 3:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

It's got to be acoustic.

SPEAKER_05 3:08

So or else we gotta find the acoustic version of all these songs we just did. Oh my god. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Dude, there's no way.

SPEAKER_05 3:16

Well, just you're doing it, man. You're doing it. I think I think we just say fuck it. We just go as long as YouTube allows us.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

I don't know. I don't know. It's gonna be rough. But the fact that we can pull up the lyrics, that's good. Which is very nice. Yeah. You're getting thrown onto the couch in the spotlight. We're gonna have to figure out lighting.

SPEAKER_05 3:35

I mean, the lighting is about as good as it gas.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Does anybody have one of those flashlights that light up the sky?

SPEAKER_06 3:40

Like, do you need like a spotlight that goes up?

SPEAKER_02 3:43

No, I'm talking about a flashlight that can burn.

SPEAKER_05 3:45

You want a spotlight? You like you literally want to be sweating under the spotlight. You gotta. I'm sure Kevin can could come up with something.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Yeah. I mean, we always gotta leave it up to him.

SPEAKER_05 4:00

Well, listen, if we asked him to come up with something for the show, that would get done. The bathroom upstairs, never getting done.

SPEAKER_06 4:07

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It is a different ball game. It is. Like, come on. Totally is. You know, it's a little like we we don't talk about fight club. We don't talk about fight club.

Easter Plans And Hosting Drama

SPEAKER_02 4:23

Speaking of things we don't talk about, welcome to the Take It Deep Show. Good old uh Saturday fever. Because Maddie went to opening day yesterday at fucking Yankee Stadium and decided to dress up in a bunny suit this morning and drink fucking little fucking nips of vodka.

SPEAKER_05 4:38

We'll have a little vodka this morning.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

E30?

SPEAKER_05 4:41

Yes. God bless you, man.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

My liver will be.

SPEAKER_05 4:45

How old are you? I'm not even gonna I kind of need it a little bit. How old are we? The answer's too old, Kev. Too old.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Now that I look at it, I love how this it lights up. It's nice now. It's a different vibe.

SPEAKER_05 5:00

Yes, it looks like a strip club.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Yes, yes. I'm in the champagne room with Maddie and Orbs.

SPEAKER_05 5:06

Um Orbs is doing a dance.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

Make a little love. Get down tonight. Get down tonight. So Joe and I are gonna be doing a duet. We we're gonna we're gonna choose between. All right. Choose between three songs. Yep. And then choose we gotta draw straws to see who's gonna be the male and the female.

SPEAKER_06 5:30

Of the song. Of the song at the end, which we've already chosen.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

No.

SPEAKER_05 5:35

For the one for the one song we did.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Yeah. No. I'm not doing Mariah. There's no way I can do that.

SPEAKER_06 5:41

You'll do what we say. You'll do what the straw picks, man. You know.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Yeah, and you're gonna fuck up the straw somehow, somehow.

SPEAKER_06 5:48

Dude, I'm not fucking shit up. You you're picking it, man. You better start practicing. Like it's you, it's choosing show, dude. Short straw picks, you know, like gets whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

We're gonna have to put uh what's that uh that shit called? Auto tunes. I could probably do some auto tunes. That'll be fucking great. That'll be great. Some auto tunes. We'll do some Rick Ross. All right.

SPEAKER_06 6:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Speaking of choosing stuff. Did you get to choose what do you get to do tomorrow for uh Easter?

SPEAKER_05 6:25

Wow. Okay. That's what we call in the biz transition.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Yeah. Speaking of choosing.

SPEAKER_06 6:31

Right. So I didn't see that one coming.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

It's I came in with fucking full glory on that one. You totally got glazed. And so tomorrow. So yeah, so tomorrow's Easter. And you we know how regardless, Kevin loves to cook. He does.

SPEAKER_06 6:48

So Easter is our holiday.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Are you talking about the Jews or are you talking about the Catholics? No, I didn't realize you were Gentile.

SPEAKER_06 6:55

I'm talking about my family. Like that's my fucking day. To host.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Yeah. The Auschwitzes.

SPEAKER_06 7:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:05

I mean, not for nothing. Did you see he's got a ma he's got a Manishevitz box on his kitchen table?

SPEAKER_06 7:11

Dude. Come on.

SPEAKER_05 7:14

Sorry. Let's turn it down.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

Yeah, I can't say what I was just gonna say. That would have been horrible. Horrible. All right. The only question is if it was a grape or cherry. No, it wasn't even that. I know. Cherry. You are making pretty much all the food.

SPEAKER_06 7:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Well, he's hosting for the holidays. He's not hosting.

SPEAKER_06 7:41

No, yeah. We're going, we're going to my cousins.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

This is the store. This is the part of the story you missed. What? What? What?

SPEAKER_06 7:48

So because of the new dog. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Nobody's allowed over at the Auschwitz's.

SPEAKER_06 7:56

It just wouldn't be fun for anyone to that came over to eat to be here.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Why to have a puppy prancing around the house and a retarded dog jumping on you and clawing your face? Well, why you gotta try to do that? Who wouldn't want that? Why like that?

SPEAKER_06 8:12

One puppy is fine, but like you gotta remember I got three other dogs.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

I mean, yeah, who wouldn't want that clawing of the face?

SPEAKER_06 8:19

Yeah. So like it's fantastic.

SPEAKER_05 8:21

I mean, I can't imagine what the problem is, but continue with your story. I have the sign of a trinity from that dog.

SPEAKER_06 8:26

So we're gonna have it at my cousin's, but I'm bringing everything.

SPEAKER_05 8:30

You're not bringing are you gonna are you gonna cook there, or are you really gonna cook everything here and then bring it over?

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Kevin, here's the real trivial question. Did you get to decide of what to do?

SPEAKER_06 8:45

Or were you told what to do? No. I was told.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

The defeat in this man's voice when he said that to me.

SPEAKER_05 8:54

Who told? Who told you? I want to know.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

Silent one, dude. Dude, there's one person. Go ahead. Say something. Say something. Say something. I'm not gonna do it. You will fucking cook that ham. You will make the 60 pounds of fucking lobster. And you'll fucking like it. So shut the fuck up and get the cooking. Was that what it was like?

SPEAKER_05 9:23

You'll make the ham when you catch the hose again.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Beef wellington.

SPEAKER_05 9:29

What? Beef wellington. We gotta have him back on the show. It's been a minute.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

It's been a minute.

SPEAKER_05 9:36

Hello, orbs. So what exactly were you told that you had to make?

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Bro, he's like Bobby Flay.

SPEAKER_06 9:48

No, actually it's like really easy stuff, man. So he's so a spiral ham.

SPEAKER_04 9:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 9:53

You know? Yeah, no big thing.

SPEAKER_05 9:55

No.

SPEAKER_06 9:56

Gonna do potatoes, roasted.

SPEAKER_05 9:58

Roasted potatoes or your ma your famous mash?

SPEAKER_06 10:01

No, roasted.

SPEAKER_05 10:02

Oh. Nobody went with your mashed. Have you ever had my roasted? There's no way it's better than your mash.

SPEAKER_06 10:07

Oh, it's good.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Yeah, but I still there's no way.

SPEAKER_06 10:11

There's no. No, dude, there's so much rosemary garlic. Oh, it's so good.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

If too much rosemary.

SPEAKER_06 10:18

Well, you know what happens.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

You know, if there's too much rosemary, you know what happens. You know what happens if there's too much rosemary. What? Fucking a lot of drugs and rosemary's a squirter.

SPEAKER_05 10:31

Yeah. Um sister rosemary.

SPEAKER_06 10:36

Like a big bowl filet.

SPEAKER_05 10:39

And a fillet. So you're doing a ham and a filet.

SPEAKER_06 10:42

Yeah. Shrimp?

SPEAKER_02 10:43

He's doing some shrimp?

SPEAKER_06 10:44

Oh, yeah, shrimp cocktail.

SPEAKER_05 10:46

They're making some shrimps. Okay.

SPEAKER_06 10:47

I got uh I got like six pounds of shrimp cocktail.

SPEAKER_05 10:51

Did you just buy them ready to go or like you gotta you gotta cook them and everything?

SPEAKER_06 10:54

No, it's all frozen. I'm defrosting after show. All right.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

What else? What else? Chartoucherie board, whatever you call those?

SPEAKER_06 11:01

Oh, the like big ass like charcuterie board.

SPEAKER_02 11:05

Charcuterie board.

SPEAKER_06 11:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

So cheese and meats.

SPEAKER_06 11:07

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Like but yeah, this is all easy stuff to put together.

SPEAKER_05 11:11

He's gonna be preparing this from 10 o'clock tonight until 6 o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 11:17

And then all for you, honey.

SPEAKER_05 11:22

And then I'm gonna get a call around 8:30. Going, I'm out of bourbon.

SPEAKER_06 11:26

Yeah. What, tonight?

SPEAKER_05 11:29

No, tomorrow morning. I'm not gonna lie, I I don't see the Kentucky Derby edition anywhere.

College Hoops And NIL Reality

SPEAKER_02 11:34

Yeah, there's a shopping. So you're not choosing what to make, you're told what to make, and you are not hosting Yukon 1x9 into the final. This is for back-to-back championship?

SPEAKER_06 11:58

No.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

Who won last year?

SPEAKER_06 12:01

Florida. I think, yeah. I think Florida won last year.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

For another national champions, second in three years.

SPEAKER_06 12:10

Yes. So okay, I'll take that.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

I'll take that.

SPEAKER_06 12:14

Yes, third and four.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

Third and four years.

SPEAKER_06 12:17

Yeah. That'll be crazy. Yeah. Because they went back to back, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

That'll be crazy. That's fucking that's a dumb thing.

SPEAKER_06 12:25

Dude, honestly, in like the fucking NIL transfer portal fucking world. Yeah, it's kind of crazy, man.

SPEAKER_02 12:32

That one school could well depends on the success of the school, too.

SPEAKER_06 12:38

I mean, sorta.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

But like you're gonna get you're probably gonna get some dude who's successful, but he's probably buried on some bench somewhere. And he's like, I'm gonna go and fucking win and go win at UConn.

SPEAKER_06 12:52

Yeah, but is is he gonna play at Yukon?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

That's why he's that's why he went to Yukon.

SPEAKER_06 12:57

Or is he gonna like go to VCU?

SPEAKER_02 12:59

I don't know. You tell me, Bobby Hurley.

SPEAKER_06 13:01

Like what?

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Whatever. Don't tell me what to do. I'll tell you.

SPEAKER_05 13:08

What did I just miss? Right? Did you just throw out a Bobby Hurley reference?

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Yeah. Right. He's coming out. He's like, I don't know if these guys run in transition well, or if they defend on ball. You never know. Half-court trap.

SPEAKER_05 13:20

Oh, I'm just breaking down film now.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

This fucking guy. Like he's fucking like he's the coach of the Tropic Thunder.

SPEAKER_06 13:26

Totally wasn't, man. Jesus. Jive Turkey. Nobody calls me Jive. Jive Turkey.

SPEAKER_05 13:34

Wow. Let's call you a JT.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

So tomorrow, so tomorrow's Easter.

SPEAKER_05 13:40

Yeah. Let's hope Jesus resurrects himself.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

Is he supposed to?

SPEAKER_05 13:45

I hope so.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

It's 2020.

SPEAKER_05 13:47

This world needs a little more Jesus in it.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:50

Yeah. Could.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:53

Couldn't hurt. Couldn't hurt.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

I could see that. What do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_05 14:00

I feel like the fucking camera should be moved a little bit, but I'm not getting up.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Of course you're not gonna get up.

SPEAKER_05 14:06

Nah, fuck it. I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Nobody can.

SPEAKER_06 14:09

Oh, because you're not in it.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

I mean, half of you is in it. It's because of your diabetes. Just the good half. It's because of your diabetes, dude.

SPEAKER_05 14:16

I heard you were half Jewish. Just a good half.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

We can only show half half of your healthy body.

SPEAKER_06 14:21

Just like spin to the left, man. I don't appreciate any of you.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

If you spin to the left, you're fucking.

SPEAKER_05 14:28

I'm not even talking to you.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Your reading's gonna go high. And then poof. What is it you're on? Because it's it's it's alarming.

SPEAKER_05 14:37

You fucking cocksucker.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

You today you're like, oh, look at this. 350. Almost died.

SPEAKER_05 14:42

Well, 350. 300. I mean, honestly, we 350 is a little high for your sugar.

Diabetes Monitoring And Stroke Talk

SPEAKER_06 14:46

We do have some TID health issues to talk about today, right? You know, like what we should. The clawing of the face. You know.

SPEAKER_05 14:56

What do you want to get into?

SPEAKER_06 14:57

I'll tell you. I don't care.

SPEAKER_05 14:58

You know, I mean, you have I am the Wilford Brimley of the TID show.

SPEAKER_06 15:03

You have an issue. You have a device on your person.

SPEAKER_05 15:07

I do. It's got a monitor blood sugar. It's getting a little high there.

SPEAKER_06 15:11

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 15:12

Made me more apt for a stroke, Pat.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

I already passed through that halo.

SPEAKER_05 15:18

Or or or even possibly a heart attack.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Yeah. I'm going to tell you you don't want either.

SPEAKER_05 15:23

I preferably no.

SPEAKER_02 15:25

No, the stroke, definitely not. Because I can tell you right now, it's the most the weirdest thing ever because you know what you want to do and what you want to say, but you can't do it because your body won't do it. For anybody that wants to see that, go back episode uh bamboo, bamboozled bamboozled.

SPEAKER_05 15:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 15:41

Pat has a stroke on air. You did okay, man.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

It's but Kevin, it's scariest.

SPEAKER_06 15:46

You don't have like a lazy eyebrow or something. You know, like you're fine, man.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

Surprisingly. But it it's the scariest shit in the world because you know your body's something's wrong with you. You know it, but yet you're still trying to communicate when you can't communicate. And you're like a fish.

SPEAKER_05 16:07

The worst part, the worst part was we're gonna send Tom down to pee on the show.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

And then as I'm walking downstairs, you hear Oster, want me to grease up some paddles?

SPEAKER_06 16:16

Dude, that show, when you listen to it, I I I've heard it like I don't know, probably like 15 times. Because I is it it's a good show.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

It was a good it was a good show. It's awful because of what we went through.

SPEAKER_06 16:32

It was pretty me, right? Yep, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 16:36

But such a great show.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Nobody listen, we're the only podcast that'll that'll fucking have a stroke and call you back.

SPEAKER_06 16:45

Just so you know. Could you leave, dude? I'm downstairs for 20 fucking minutes. And they're joking about shit. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_02 16:53

And like the And I'm downstairs having difficulty putting my feet up on the couch because I was like Like the rest of that show, it it's like they're just like, oh yeah. Hey, maybe maybe we should go downstairs and check on them. Right. Maybe you should. Maybe you should.

SPEAKER_05 17:09

Well, I mean, if you could communicate with us a little better.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Fucking next time I'm going in with Top Gun shit, fucking Christ. I'm going down.

SPEAKER_06 17:20

Dude, if someone that's gonna have a stroke has the fucking wherewithal? Wherewithal to to get up and leave the room.

SPEAKER_05 17:30

Do you realize how much that we drank that night?

SPEAKER_02 17:32

You know, that's the hard part because I remember walking down the stairs and I'm like, I'm gonna fall. In my head. I was like, I'm going to fall.

SPEAKER_05 17:39

If you fell, we we would have came down and checked on you.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

What was that?

SPEAKER_06 17:43

Like, like I feel like in your head, in your head, you were like, oh my god, something's going tragically wrong. I do not want to be around these people. Let me go downstairs by myself and figure this shit out.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

They're gonna make fun of me once they start drooling.

SPEAKER_05 17:59

I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

That was going in my mind.

SPEAKER_05 18:01

I'm not gonna lie to you, Pat. If you were passed out on your bathroom floor, we would have peed on you.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Most likely. I don't want like. Who's got a sharpie? Dude, I didn't go to the fucking ER. I didn't go to the ER until like 24 hours later.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

This is when going on during COVID at the time.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Because I was stuck, I remember I was stuck in the fucking ICU for three days. Were you? No, yeah, nobody can come in and see me. I didn't even know you were in there. Yeah. I was in ICU for three days. Oh the fight, the doctor said he like he takes the EKG and he's like, Yeah. Yeah, you had a stroke. And uh, yeah, you're the one percent that lives. He's like, You should be dead right now.

unknown 18:46

Wow, dude.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Because of the blood clot I passed in my brain, my I should have had an aneurysm. I should have died like that.

SPEAKER_05 18:52

That would have been really weird. They probably would have called us all in and to questioned us.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

So what was going on? What was he sniffing? Listen, listen to the show.

SPEAKER_05 18:59

Listen to the show, man. Wait, we have nobody.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

We have nobody to edit the audio. It was just uh I guess no evidence for you guys.

SPEAKER_06 19:18

That's so great.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

You know? Yeah, I remember I remember how like I didn't think Charlie Billy as that serious until the doctor said you're the one percent that doesn't that lives.

SPEAKER_05 19:29

So you got that news. How'd you feel about that's nuts, man? How'd you feel about editing the show and putting it out after hearing that news?

SPEAKER_02 19:35

I was like, this is gotta go, this is gonna be gold. This is gonna be absolute gold. Which it wasn't, but it was good. Yeah, so if you guys want to go back and listen to it, it's it's called Bamboozled. Beanboozled. Beanboozled, I think episode 26. I believe that's what it is.

SPEAKER_05 19:53

I don't remember the episode number. Early. It was early. Yeah, it was definitely beanboozled, though.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Bean boozled. I have a stroke on the show. These cocksuckers sit for 20 minutes and remain doing the show. Not me. I commend them. Not me. First of all, kudos to them for I was not there. The silly shit was you think we should check on it 20 minutes later.

SPEAKER_06 20:12

Oh, Tom, when he said that, that was great. He then, dude, I remember this. I remember he's fine.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

I remember my feet were up, and and Oster comes downstairs, and like my brain was just melting at the time. Tom's like, slaps him on the feet. Alright. I was like, I think I had a shook. Oh. We're just gonna start, we're gonna finish recording. That was it. That was fucking it. And go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 20:46

I'm on, dude. I'm recording a show and you're live on air now. What do you want?

SPEAKER_02 20:50

You're you're Oh, little Matthew Jr. You should not apologize to your father. He's a real dick. Tell him Matthew, tell him how it is. Thanks. Thanks.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

I'm gonna get out at 9 30.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

What time is it?

SPEAKER_05 21:12

Alright, well, it's 50-50, I'll be there. If I'm not there, just wait for me.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

If I'm not there, hitchhike home.

SPEAKER_05 21:20

Why why why are you getting out early? Because you want to go to this party?

SPEAKER_00 21:24

No, because it's the door.

SPEAKER_05 21:26

Oh, look at that. Where's he working? Alright. So anybody who's listening, if anyone's listening out there, go to Marshall's and start throwing shit on the floor. Marshall's Marshalls, it is 1000 Independent Way, Brewster, New York. Throw everything on the fucking floor.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

And as you're doing it, you say, fuck you, Matt Jr.

unknown 21:52

No?

SPEAKER_05 21:53

He doesn't know. As you're throwing shit on the floor, you say, kid with the fluffy hair, come pick this shit up.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

And then you poop.

SPEAKER_05 22:00

All right, nine thirty.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

Nine thirty it is.

SPEAKER_05 22:03

Bye, pal.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

You. I love you.

SPEAKER_05 22:06

Love you.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

I love you more. So if anybody's out there, they're at Marshall's, take a shit in the floor.

SPEAKER_05 22:15

A big whopping wet, nasty shit, please.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Oh boy. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:24

So talk about strokes. That kid's gonna give me a fucking stroke.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

You're gonna have one. It's not gonna be because of him.

SPEAKER_05 22:29

It's probably gonna be because of you guys.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

No, you're gonna have like some smoked pork or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 22:37

I don't know why it's gotta be smoked pork. Why you gotta make fun of the smoked pork on the city?

SPEAKER_02 22:41

First thing that came to mind.

SPEAKER_05 22:42

There's no cholesterol, there's no carbs in that. I could eat that. There's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Till something, till you're hoppity skippity up on the fucking 425 level and next to no stroke. You don't survive it.

SPEAKER_05 22:56

You're not getting rid of me that easy.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Then we can edit the show.

SPEAKER_06 23:01

What were your levels after the uh shrimp rolls? I'm good. I'm like 180. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Can we can we get a live read on T on? Sure. Let's let's get a live read. Let's get the glucose read. Please. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 23:14

We are at 189.

SPEAKER_06 23:15

Oh hey, wheelhouse, right? That's that's okay. Yeah, we're doing it right there.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Where do you want to be?

unknown 23:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 23:22

150. Under two, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:25

This guy's like I teeter totter with life and death.

SPEAKER_06 23:28

Like 150 is ideal, but under two is like Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:32

Yeah, basically it could be. You know, like my target is to get to like 150 consistently. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

That's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_05 23:38

Well, I told you I told you. I was rolling between 250 and 300 for the first week. I said, I'm I'm already I'm already under that. Now I'm fucking rolling, you know, between but now you gotta live by a gauge. Well sucks. It's a it's a guide. I know, I know, and it sucks, Matt. It does. It sucks assholes. But you know what?

SPEAKER_02 23:58

You know what sucks assholes? Hemorrhoids sucks assholes.

SPEAKER_05 24:02

Hemorrhoids beat assholes up. Yeah, that does.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

Brutal. Brutal stuff. I would not wish it upon anybody.

SPEAKER_05 24:09

What are you gonna do if you're you're running around in the gray baseball pants and you're rounding first going in a second for a double? I'm not even gonna slid and you burst a hemorrhoid.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

I'm not even sliding this shit. If I burst a hemorrhoid, I'm fucking embarrassed.

SPEAKER_05 24:23

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

I will I will take the What are you having? A heavy flow day?

SPEAKER_05 24:27

I will take the phone out and I will go live immediately.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

Like, what just happened? It happened, Maddie. It happened. Pat needs one of those tampons for kidney. Yeah, I need a man pond.

SPEAKER_05 24:41

Oh, by the way, that that was that was a bald face lie. There were no tampons in the men's room at Yankee Stadium. Oh yeah? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Who said who said there was?

SPEAKER_05 24:51

Uh it was something that came out that they were gonna have tampons available in the men's breast rooms.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

You you already know they probably were there and those were handled accordingly.

SPEAKER_05 25:00

They're thrown on the field?

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Possibly. Not by me. They were left in Juan Soto's locker.

SPEAKER_05 25:08

No, he had to have a heavy flow.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Yeah. I can't even imagine sliding and busting at him right now. Oh my god, mut on.

SPEAKER_05 25:16

Mamma mia. Mamma mia, that's gonna hurt. You have to go ahead first.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

If I go ahead first, yeah, I could do that, but I'll lose I'll lose my breath. Looks like I'm sliding on my side. Yeah, I'm sliding on my side like a fucking porpoise.

SPEAKER_05 25:36

You know why I don't have to worry about it? I won't be on base.

SPEAKER_02 25:38

Dude, I'll come in like a scud missile if I come in fucking going face first.

SPEAKER_06 25:42

And you're not sliding anywhere. No.

SPEAKER_05 25:45

I'm not even I'm not even sliding down the bench.

Baseball Wipeout Story At First Base

SPEAKER_02 25:47

Yeah, you know the story of him hitting his face off of first base, right? I do, yeah. One of the greatest greatest baseball stories of all time.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

Ding.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

I'm the only one who left. But you saw it happen. The second he got his foot tripped up, I'm like, he went downstairs. I pulled the hammy and I dove. You didn't even pull a hammy, dude. You fuck you tripped.

SPEAKER_05 26:11

I did not trip, I pulled the hammy.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Well, it you got shot by a fucking sharpshooter. I did. Because your arms were at your side and you didn't even fucking bother. You didn't even bother. Your face bounced off that first base bag, and thank God it was one of those the hard rubbery plastic. Because if it was like a one of those fucking carpeted bags, you would have been dead. You would have been dead. I'm gonna tell you right now. Because you could tell how cushiony it was. Your face bounced off of it, and your arms didn't come up even remotely quick enough. You bounced, you bounced straight up. Oh my god. And everybody, everybody wish I could have seen that. Everybody at Unison is like, oh, I'm in the background.

SPEAKER_05 27:04

I would expect nothing less.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

And I couldn't help it because it just came out, dude. I didn't mean any harm or foul by it. It was just funny. I could totally visualize this, but I wish I could have seen it. Oh, dude, if you saw this in person, and he did say something to me when he came on. Ding. I'm like, oh my god. You're right, Matt.

SPEAKER_06 27:25

Like, I pictured just the the very last edge of his forehead touching the bag. You know, that's what I pictured.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

Wow, he got he got his his lower jaw, his right side of his face, and it was it was a thump and a straight up in the air. And it almost got him back to his feet. But that took a little while longer. That would have been so much funnier.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

Right? If he just goes fucking if he hits it in the thump, it's straight up.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Like real quick, like a fucking like a baton.

SPEAKER_06 28:04

Don't not laugh, dude. Come on, that shit would have been fucking hilarious.

SPEAKER_05 28:08

Yeah, you're like the baton in the half. We got any more bourbon.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

You're like the baton in the halftime show.

SPEAKER_05 28:13

Um, yeah, double. Oh, we got a little guy.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

Yeah, dude, you're the baton in the halftime show.

SPEAKER_05 28:20

Oh, oh.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

I mean, it it's Kev, if you saw a hearty hit. It was one of those you when you did giggle, you questioned, should I have done that? Should I should I have laughed that hard?

SPEAKER_06 28:36

So after like I've heard this story a few times. I can't imagine why. Like, I have a video in my head of what it what it looks like, and like it doesn't disappoint. Like, I honestly think it's probably what the live version looks like.

SPEAKER_02 28:51

Totally. Totally is because you don't you don't expect gentlemen of his stature to go down that quick. And he went straight down like a fucking tomahawk missile. He hit terminal velocity before terminal velocity was even discovered.

SPEAKER_05 29:08

You wonder the worst part of it all? It was a beautiful line drive into right field. Like a legitimate line drive in the right field. He took it out? Yeah. Yeah. Fucking cocksucker right field came up throwing. That's why you blew the heavy. Yep. I'm like, oh, I gotta fucking run for this one.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

He got thrown out from right field.

SPEAKER_05 29:31

I don't know if I motherfucked my team for laughing at me, or I motherfucked the right fielder for throwing me out first.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

Just first of all, imagine the embarrassment multiplied. Not only hitting your face off of first base, but being out, but being called out before it happens. Before your face hits that bag, you're out. Think about that. How embarrassing that is. Fucking Maddie, man. I love you. That is so embarrassing. You forgot, you didn't even remember that part of the story.

SPEAKER_06 30:12

I totally forgot about that part of the story.

SPEAKER_02 30:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Oh god, that's so great.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

The second he hit it, I was like, he's out.

SPEAKER_07 30:31

He's out of there. He's out of there.

SPEAKER_06 30:33

He's not even out of the box. Like, he's out.

SPEAKER_02 30:37

It was hit solid, dude. You gotta give him credit on that. That shit was hit solid. Nice fucking rope on the line. Next thing now, I'm like, not even covering that distance.

SPEAKER_06 30:48

One hopper. But he'll make it look good. It's like one hopper. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_05 30:56

The worst part is that's exactly the thought coming out of the yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

What is what is your thought process? You you hit a nice fucking rope, nice C to right field.

SPEAKER_05 31:05

Honestly, you want to know my thought process is? I'm yelling. I wish I pulled it. I'm yelling at my legs, going run.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Fucking wish I pulled that ball. What am I gonna go to right?

SPEAKER_05 31:18

It's not my spot. Right field's my spot.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Fuck. He's gonna he's gonna fucking feel this and run at first base, and I'm out.

SPEAKER_06 31:24

Like, oh fuck, you've won hop. Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

That's a mind fuck right there.

SPEAKER_06 31:29

Worst part is I think he bobbled it too. Right. It's in the guy's menu. He's not even gonna be able to get it.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Not only did the guy bobble it, Mattley bobbled his face on the first base bag. Bobbled. He bobbleheaded and fucking straight down tomahawk.

Season Schedule And Cinco De Mayo Bet

SPEAKER_06 31:44

Where's the first game?

SPEAKER_02 31:46

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 31:47

I was just gonna ask you that. Where is the first game?

SPEAKER_06 31:49

No clue.

SPEAKER_05 31:49

If it's an hour away, I'm not driving it.

SPEAKER_06 31:51

No, it's probably gonna be When's the first Ryan's Field game?

SPEAKER_02 31:54

I haven't even talked about it.

SPEAKER_05 31:55

Did it actually they have our schedule up? It should. They didn't the other day.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

We don't need to. We're gamers. We show up.

SPEAKER_06 32:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

We show up at game time, Kevin. Fuck you. You're like, I need six weeks to fucking warm up. Fuck out of here.

SPEAKER_05 32:13

Ain't that the truth?

SPEAKER_02 32:14

I'm going to go. I'm going there. Sore as fuck, ready to play.

SPEAKER_06 32:17

Hey, two hours to warm up, man. Yeah, you need two days, two months. Dude, Cinco de Mayo, man. You forget about that shit.

SPEAKER_05 32:26

What about it? Oh, it is a fucking Tony Williams.

SPEAKER_06 32:30

That's the fucking like me striking you out day, dude.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

I have forgotten about that already. Then it didn't Williams.

SPEAKER_06 32:38

You forgot about that, didn't you? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Have you worn? Have you even tried throwing?

SPEAKER_06 32:41

Dude, I've been fucking throwing. Where?

SPEAKER_05 32:44

You have not been throwing.

SPEAKER_06 32:45

Dude, I've been throwing. With who? People.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

No, you have not.

SPEAKER_06 32:55

I have been. No.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

There's no way.

SPEAKER_06 32:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Dude, the past week, yeah. With who? Give me a name.

SPEAKER_06 33:03

People.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

Yeah. Bill Jeter?

SPEAKER_06 33:12

No.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

I feel like I play it like Jeter, but feel like Bill.

SPEAKER_05 33:17

Looks like fucking Eddie finally did something. Our first two games are at that fucking Troy Williams park, and then we're at Beekman and Hopel the rest of the time.

SPEAKER_02 33:24

We'll take that. Beekman's okay.

SPEAKER_05 33:27

I may. I may not be able to make the first two games.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

You don't want to drive, that's why.

SPEAKER_05 33:32

Perhaps. You gotta pay your fucking. I gotta drive a fucking hour to sit on the bench, maybe getting it bat. Nah.

SPEAKER_02 33:40

What's wrong with that? I mean, what kind of mascot are you? You're the team mascot?

SPEAKER_05 33:46

You're fucking throwing it down like that? You're laying the gauntlet down?

SPEAKER_02 33:49

You're the fucking, you're the you're the son of a bitch who's supposed to be on the bench for us.

SPEAKER_05 33:52

You cocksucker. If I go there for the first game and you're not there.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

I'm not going.

SPEAKER_05 33:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

I'm there. It's the first game. All right. Showing up, showing up, striking out three times. Let's go.

SPEAKER_05 34:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Who are we playing?

SPEAKER_05 34:03

The Outlaws. Oh my God. First game of the year?

SPEAKER_06 34:08

They're good, right? As far as I remember from like old man baseball. They're good, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:14

We're gonna get fucking lit up. That's it. Once again, we got no pitchers.

SPEAKER_05 34:19

No, I think we got a couple pitchers this year.

SPEAKER_06 34:21

Dude, sign me up, man.

SPEAKER_02 34:23

No. I would. I'm like, because then next thing I was like, who invited this guy?

SPEAKER_05 34:27

Oh no. You wanna you want to throw? Show up. I'll give you a fucking uniform. I'll put you right on the mound. Really? Yep. I don't want to do it. I'm not I'm not catching for him. No.

SPEAKER_06 34:39

I'll watch. Dude, catching's fine. I don't think you want to be in the box, though. I need. You know?

SPEAKER_02 34:47

I'd rather be in the box and get hit by one ball than than fetch around 30 balls.

SPEAKER_05 34:52

Touche.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Yeah. Hit me hit me once, I'm good. I'm not chasing your fucking pitches all over the place.

SPEAKER_05 35:00

You know he's gonna be sitting there on the mound going, I have to own the inside part of the plane. Watch this.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

This fucking guy.

SPEAKER_04 35:10

Fucking guy.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Yeah. Striking you out on Cinco de Mayo.

SPEAKER_05 35:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 35:15

Right. That was our date, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Yeah. We're still waiting on you.

SPEAKER_05 35:19

All right, so are we gonna do that?

SPEAKER_06 35:21

I thought we were. On May the 5th, we're gonna do this. Yeah, I like I've been throwing. Like, I've been like prepping for this, man. Like, like, let's not forget about Chinko de Mayo.

SPEAKER_05 35:33

Here we go.

SPEAKER_06 35:35

Cinco.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

Is that in Japan?

SPEAKER_04 35:39

Cinco. Oh. She said Chinko. Um that's a Tuesday. Wrong eyes.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

Oh, so sorry. I'm gonna love you a long time. It's on a Tuesday?

SPEAKER_05 35:53

It's on a Tuesday. So which which field do we want to go to to do this?

SPEAKER_02 35:58

Wherever.

SPEAKER_05 36:00

To go to Ryan's field?

SPEAKER_02 36:01

Fucking go in his backyard. We'll put a fucking mound in the backfield.

SPEAKER_05 36:06

Actually, you know what would be awesome? Let's do it in his backyard. I want you to take a ball through a window in the house. Let's go.

SPEAKER_06 36:14

Yeah, he's gonna have to hit one.

SPEAKER_05 36:17

Like I said, I want you to take a ball through a window in the house. Is there a mount in the room? And then I want to set the overall on how long it's gonna take to replace that window.

SPEAKER_06 36:28

I've heard he he batted 068 last year. Two years ago.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

That was two years ago. Last year I hit the shit out of the ball last year.

SPEAKER_06 36:34

Yes, actually he did very well last year. So Okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

Let's give or take, Kevin. So you might have me in my worst. You might have me in my best. I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 36:42

Yeah, I think it sounds like your worst. He did hit 068 two years ago. Right.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

That was the worst season ever. That was a bad, that was a bad season.

SPEAKER_04 36:53

That was a rough one.

SPEAKER_02 36:54

Yeah. I took it like a chance. You did. Fuck you. Dude, I was Who you throwing with? What? Who are you throwing with? People. People.

SPEAKER_05 37:07

All people.

SPEAKER_06 37:08

Like, what does that even matter, dude?

SPEAKER_05 37:09

I basically got a rack-appool or something on the side of the house.

SPEAKER_06 37:12

Like, what does that even matter? Like, who's catching my balls? Like no one in this house. Like, is that what you're asking, dude?

SPEAKER_01 37:21

That's why you said people.

SPEAKER_02 37:26

I'll tell you who isn't. Who's catching your balls? Tell me. I want to know. Who's catching your balls?

SPEAKER_05 37:35

Let's get Thunderson's wife on the phone right now. His name is Tom. Gay. Talk about guys catching your balls. Gay.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

Okay. All right. Let's move on. You're not going to strike me out. You're it's going to take you 14 pitches to get it over.

SPEAKER_05 38:05

No, it's not. How many pitches in one at bat do I strike Pat out?

SPEAKER_02 38:22

The fact that he just said three out loud is.

SPEAKER_06 38:25

Well, I figure you're gonna foul three off. That's what I that's my first thing. Six? Maybe seven tops?

SPEAKER_02 38:35

That's seven balls in a row. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 38:38

I'm taking the over.

SPEAKER_02 38:40

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 38:43

Definitely taking the over. Appreciate that. I'm taking the over and Pat for a for a multi-base hit. Thank you. How do you even gauge that?

SPEAKER_02 38:54

Very simple. We play baseball together. You're an unknown factor.

SPEAKER_05 38:58

When he smacks the fuck out of the ball and it goes past your house into the woods, that's an extra base hit.

SPEAKER_02 39:03

The fucking silent assassin's been.

SPEAKER_06 39:05

We're doing it at the house, too. We're doing it on the field.

SPEAKER_05 39:07

Nah, I thought we're just doing it in the backyard. No, dude. I need a fucking snow. You want to do some stick ball? I want to see that baseball fucking bounce off your house. Yeah, I'm sure you do. You fucking you fucking you fucking you. You mutant you fucking you.

SPEAKER_06 39:26

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like you.

SPEAKER_04 39:34

How about that one? How about that? How about that?

SPEAKER_02 39:40

This week in baseball.

SPEAKER_04 39:42

All right, let's move on.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

Yeah, it's it's gonna be a yeah. Silly.

SPEAKER_05 39:48

Not silly. Challenge coming up on Chinco de Mayo. Watch for your reels. Chinko.

SPEAKER_02 39:55

The the Chinko. Must be the hair cotton. Yeah. I don't see that happening, Kev. Six pitches, seven pitches.

SPEAKER_06 40:06

Gonna strike him out on a knuckleball.

SPEAKER_05 40:09

Just throwing that out there. The odds just went up, and I just put more money on the over.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

I mean, holy shit, dude. There's gonna be questions when this goes swinging.

SPEAKER_05 40:19

Swinging.

SPEAKER_02 40:20

This goes into question when it goes to Vegas because everybody's fucking batting the over.

SPEAKER_05 40:26

So if he actually if he actually throws you a knuckleball, you will.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

I hope it hits me square in the forehead.

SPEAKER_05 40:31

You are gonna swing out of your shoes. You're gonna need a Flintstone bat.

SPEAKER_02 40:37

I'm gonna fucking drill it. I so can't wait for this. It's gonna be awful on your part.

SPEAKER_05 40:44

Alright, so Tuesday the fifth, we gotta take some time and get to a field.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

Backyard, Kevin. Simple. Fucking hit a moonshot right through the Silent Assassin's window.

SPEAKER_05 40:55

That'd be phenomenal. How great would that be?

SPEAKER_00 40:59

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_05 41:00

You're gonna have to hit it, dude. First ball that'll be in that bedroom in a while.

SPEAKER_02 41:08

Drop two balls in there for the first time.

SPEAKER_05 41:13

I'm not used to this. What is this?

SPEAKER_02 41:15

It's crazy. That's horrible.

SPEAKER_06 41:21

Alright, let's move on.

SPEAKER_02 41:22

You're the one you're really picking on Kev today.

SPEAKER_06 41:24

Right? Like fuck, man.

SPEAKER_02 41:27

I'm not gonna lie. It's pretty good. It's good stuff. Great.

SPEAKER_03 41:34

Thanks.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

These balls.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

You like dragons? You're dragging these balls across your face. I love that fucking dude. That meme with the fucking with the what are they they're called? What do they call sloths? Yes. The sloth memes? Those are fucking great. Speaking of which, that's actually a good No try to put it on the screen. No, I'm not. I'm just gonna pull them up and see what it says.

SPEAKER_03 42:12

Sloth memes. That's the dumbest one I think I've ever seen. Sloth dirty dirty sloth memes.

SPEAKER_05 42:46

Well, this is all this is this is riveting, riveting radio.

SPEAKER_02 42:51

Your eyes are like wrenches. They make my nuts tighten.

SPEAKER_06 42:57

That's a good one. That's a good one. That could go over many heads, but that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

You like pizza? Cause I want a pizza dad ass.

SPEAKER_06 43:19

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01 43:20

Do you like China? Cause I'm trying to put this dick in your mouth.

SPEAKER_06 43:33

Oh hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

Do you like China? Oh my God. I take the the out of psychotherapists. And if you take out the the, it's psycho rapist. Oh that's fucked up. Is that so is that a cell phone in your back pocket? Because that ass is calling me. Oh, this is the best one. Do you like do you do you like Imagine Dragons? Then imagine dragging my nuts on your face. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 44:15

And it's a little sloth. What was the final score of the game tonight? They won by nine. But what was the final score? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 44:26

I can't see the other side of the thing. I'm blind. There will only be seven planets after I destroy Uranus.

SPEAKER_06 44:33

7162.

SPEAKER_02 44:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 44:35

That's not my numbers.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

There will only be seven planets after I destroy Uranus.

SPEAKER_04 44:43

Wow. That's a that's that's that's rough.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:49

Obviously.

SPEAKER_02 44:53

Do you need a medic? Because my dick is hard and ready.

SPEAKER_05 45:06

My dick. My dick's hard and ready. Oh. This is the inconsistent show that we fear every week.

SPEAKER_02 45:13

No, there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, what do you want to talk about? Kevin being controlled. Well, we hit that one already. You want to tell your coke story?

SPEAKER_05 45:23

No. No. That was a terrible story. I want to know why, if you've got to go to your cousin's house, why they can't make beef wellington for Easter. It just seems like the thing to do.

SPEAKER_06 45:34

It's not an Easter thing. Why not? When is it? I don't know, dude.

SPEAKER_04 45:39

I don't fucking know, dude.

SPEAKER_02 45:41

Like, you're real bougie around these parts, so you should know.

SPEAKER_05 45:44

I mean, you have a little bit of a fucking attitude with that answer.

SPEAKER_02 45:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:48

I mean, fuck you guys.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Right. Just trying to, you know, figure out your game.

SPEAKER_05 45:57

Don't. I'm actually pissed it's supposed to piss it's supposed to rain tomorrow. I wanted to fucking throw something in the smoker. Oh, yeah. But I'm I'm certainly not standing outside in the fucking rain with an umbrella.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

How about a big loaf of bread?

SPEAKER_03 46:12

Dude, you have a carbs. That's right.

SPEAKER_06 46:15

Like, all you have to do is like put it in and like turn a thing on, right? Like you don't have to like sit there and tend to it, right?

SPEAKER_05 46:22

Well, first off, Kev, I don't know if you're aware of this, but if you have the smoker trying to maintain a temperature and water is banging off the motherfucker like in sheets, it's tough to hold the temperature. That's number one.

SPEAKER_02 46:37

Number two, he's got a point.

SPEAKER_05 46:38

Number two, I have to be the guy out there fucking checking the thing and doing a thing and changing the temperature and fucking moving the fucking ham or whatever the fuck I'm smoking. I ain't doing it in the rain. I'm not. Sounds lazy now.

SPEAKER_06 46:58

I mean, yeah, I'm I'm kind of on your side here, bro. I knew he was gonna.

SPEAKER_05 47:03

I'm sorry. What Swanson TV dinner are you throwing in the oven tomorrow?

SPEAKER_02 47:08

Unemployed fat Neo?

SPEAKER_05 47:12

I had nothing to do with either of those. Well, I just said what Swanson. Unemployed fat meal all around.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

Is going to have probably ramen noodles. No. I'm I'm probably gonna make some burger. No, I'm going to my flea's house for fucking dinner. Oh.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

So that's I spell fucking time. He did something. No, they always do shit. Just fucking teasing you. What the fuck? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

Why why why do you need to figure out your stories before you fucking cast them on people?

SPEAKER_06 47:38

Right. He's quick. Quick on the tongue, he is that man.

SPEAKER_03 47:43

Quick on the tongue.

SPEAKER_06 47:45

Right.

SPEAKER_03 47:46

Speaking of balls. No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I was way off on that one. Way off.

SPEAKER_05 47:58

Where were you? What? I don't know. You fucking thumb and Louise that one off a cliff. A little bit.

Comet Science And Getting Roasted

SPEAKER_02 48:06

A little bit. That was pretty bad. So anything in the news worth worthy of talking about? Oh, here we go. A comet flew into the sun, but yet we're gonna see it come out on the other side. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_05 48:27

We're going back to this one.

SPEAKER_06 48:29

Does it make sense? So we might be able to see it come around. Now it might be able to. You know.

SPEAKER_05 48:35

It flew into the fucking sun. It literally flew into the sun. Like the 9-11 planes.

SPEAKER_06 48:40

So, okay. So I hate to like the the sun's not a solid object.

SPEAKER_02 48:46

It's a what'd you call it? A gelatinous material.

SPEAKER_06 48:51

I I gelatinous mass.

SPEAKER_02 48:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 48:54

So I explained it that way to you. I didn't call it that really.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

What am I, a fucking retard? I don't know, maybe.

SPEAKER_05 49:03

I can understand if you're trying to I was using this first grade and I uh if you're trying to explain it to this retard, but at least I'm gonna listen to you. Now I'm a fucking retard because I don't follow this shit.

SPEAKER_02 49:16

I'll carry on. You know, like I don't know if we gelatinous material.

SPEAKER_06 49:21

You know, debate about the states of matter, but like there's a like the sun's not a solid object.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

It's a star.

SPEAKER_06 49:27

We know this. Right. Yeah, it's on fire. So this thing, this comet maps, like through flew through kind of like I don't know. Like let me guess, you're unfucking prepared. Give me the question mark thing. Doesn't work. You know, like it if it flew like what use your words. What's that gonna do? Can I have that real quick, dude? Throw it at him. Wow. So if this was like the right, and like like it was all around here, like the this comet's flowing through like a corner of like this square, which would be a circle of the like the sun's atmosphere. Like it's going the sun has an atmosphere? It does, yes. Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_05 50:25

Explain that one, Mr. Wizard.

SPEAKER_06 50:27

So it's like flowing into the sun, but not like through the center, like it it should like its trajectory should pop it out and like come around if it survives, like the gravity and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, like you brought it up, man.

SPEAKER_02 50:46

You're the one who can you explain that? Like, I like the episode when Mr. Fucking Genius did the potato and the straw. Like that was a good episode. And then you fucking pull that. Just imagine it's a circle, but it's a square, and it's flying through the corner, and we're gonna see it come out the other side. Well, it's not like possibly.

SPEAKER_06 51:04

I'm it's not flowing through the center of the sun. It's like skimming the the surface like it's a stone.

SPEAKER_05 51:11

So say it. It's skimming the fucking outskirts of the sun. Just fucking say that.

unknown 51:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

Just say that. But it went through the corner. Imagine it's round, though. Wow. Our dumber listeners are listening still. Because they wanted to hear that. And we mostly everyone's gone now.

SPEAKER_06 51:37

Right. Everyone's gone.

UFO Prophecy And Easter 2026 Theory

SPEAKER_05 51:38

Everyone is dumber for having listened to that. Right. You would have been better off talking about the puppy who lost his way.

SPEAKER_06 51:46

But you also have that the you ever hear the Chris Bledsoe guy? You hear about that guy? Like the Star Regulus. Have you heard of that? The guy who does the thing with the people. Star Regulus? About the stuff. Use your words. Okay. So so the this dude who who had like this alien experience.

SPEAKER_02 52:07

Was he abducted?

SPEAKER_06 52:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 52:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 52:11

His name is Chris Bledsoe.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

Drew's Drew's brother.

SPEAKER_06 52:15

Cousin.

SPEAKER_05 52:16

Uncle. Second cousin. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 52:18

Twice removed.

SPEAKER_02 52:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_06 52:20

Like this was like, I don't know, like a year, two years ago.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

Is he a liberal?

SPEAKER_06 52:27

I don't know, dude.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

Is he only in the counter? Okay.

SPEAKER_06 52:35

So he he has been saying that Easter of 2026, there is going to be an awakening of humankind.

unknown 52:43

There we go.

SPEAKER_06 52:44

Jesus coming back. Well, no, not necessarily.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

We're going to see the comet come out of the other corner.

SPEAKER_06 52:50

No. No. It has something to do with that date and the So tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 52:57

You're going to spring this on us now. And you're talking about tomorrow.

SPEAKER_05 53:01

Well, yeah. I guess, yeah. There's going to be an awakening tomorrow. Of your inner consciousness?

SPEAKER_02 53:06

I cannot wait till later in the day and nothing happens and I get to text you.

SPEAKER_06 53:12

But the date comes from like Weeky, weeky. Like the like the star maps of like when stars like rise in like certain positions and stuff. And the star of Regulus is supposed to rise in front of the Sphinx tomorrow. So it's like there's supposed to be some like grand awakening.

SPEAKER_02 53:32

When's the last time this occurred?

SPEAKER_06 53:33

Grand Awakening. I don't think there was the last time like it occurred in like some sort of thing.

SPEAKER_02 53:38

So it's a new star?

SPEAKER_06 53:40

Dude, it it's a prophecy. In front of the Sphinx. It's it's not it's not a in Egypt? Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

Is Brandon what's his name in this movie?

SPEAKER_05 53:50

Let's go. Brandon. Oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 53:53

You know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_05 53:55

Uh-huh. I do.

SPEAKER_02 53:56

Is this reenactment of the mummy?

SPEAKER_05 54:00

No.

SPEAKER_02 54:00

I'm in. I'm in.

SPEAKER_05 54:03

I'd like to wake the fuck up.

SPEAKER_02 54:05

I'd like to see the mummy. I I mean, if that can really happen, I'm down for it.

SPEAKER_05 54:11

I don't want to be the first one to see him because he sucks your face off.

SPEAKER_02 54:14

Yeah, and I don't want those things crawling on me and eating whatever those beetles are.

SPEAKER_05 54:17

Those little bug things.

SPEAKER_06 54:18

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's fucking creepy, right?

SPEAKER_05 54:20

Scarabs, actually. Scarabs. Scarabs.

SPEAKER_06 54:22

Scarab.

SPEAKER_05 54:25

You know, I don't want those. Fuck that, man. Why we just go to Egypt to a pirate ship? I don't understand. Jimmy Crabs.

SPEAKER_02 54:35

I want I want something. What would I want to fucking take me? King Tut's tomb. You know? What do you what do you want?

SPEAKER_05 54:46

I think you want King Tut to take you from behind.

SPEAKER_06 54:52

So they pat wants to rush your trombone.

SPEAKER_02 54:54

So it's like an antihistamine? So the powder on you, it's gonna work like what? Okay. I'm in. Does it bring swelling down? If it does, I'm in.

SPEAKER_05 55:16

There's only one kind of swelling that's gonna go down.

SPEAKER_02 55:18

Yeah. That's it.

SPEAKER_05 55:20

If you get glazed.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

By a fucking mummy. Can you imagine that? So how was your summer?

SPEAKER_05 55:26

Rather bounce my face. I don't even know where to start. Rather bounce my face off of first base.

SPEAKER_02 55:32

I got glazed by King Tut. What? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 55:37

I'm awake now.

SPEAKER_02 55:38

Yeah. The crazy thing is these nightmares I'm having.

SPEAKER_04 55:43

Yikes!

SPEAKER_02 55:46

Yeah, there's not, I mean, he's still got the bullshit going on with Iran. Gas prices are through the fucking roof. Everything costs a million dollars.

SPEAKER_05 55:54

Can we can we say that that you know the Donald is kind of like fucking shit up right now?

SPEAKER_03 56:01

Yeah. Totally.

SPEAKER_05 56:02

It appears though. So, right?

SPEAKER_06 56:04

Yeah. I guess.

SPEAKER_05 56:07

I think he's got I think he's got a bigger game in play, but it really sucks right now.

SPEAKER_03 56:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:12

I mean and he sounded like a jack-off. Well he always did, man. Like come on, man. Sometimes more, sometimes more than others.

SPEAKER_06 56:21

He was never a wordsmith. But but later. No. Spelling bean. Come on.

SPEAKER_05 56:27

Spelling beep. Come on, do better.

SPEAKER_06 56:29

You know, you're doing it, man.

SPEAKER_05 56:32

You're doing it. Yelling at the TV to do better. I mean, you know, something's wrong.

SPEAKER_02 56:36

This is true. Especially if Maddie's doing that.

SPEAKER_06 56:40

What you yelling at me? Yelling at the TV. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 56:46

Um Let me guess. You you couldn't hear me. I wasn't prepared for that question. I couldn't hear you, therefore I was unprepared.

SPEAKER_04 56:54

Wow. So fucking spot out. So bad, man.

unknown 57:00

So bad.

SPEAKER_03 57:01

So bad, but so good.

SPEAKER_05 57:04

I know. It must be very off the mark.

SPEAKER_06 57:07

Yeah, he he's had a handful of do better moments. Yeah. He's got to do better. I'm holding out hope that he will. He hasn't done like so bad though, right?

SPEAKER_02 57:22

Dude, now they're now they're saying that I know like Did you hear the the Iran hackers who got into the fucking FBI database? Did you hear about this?

SPEAKER_05 57:32

Famous but incompetent.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

No. So supposedly they got into the F FBI database and they found information regarding Charlie Kirk and that FBI knew because the FBI is the ones who and they claimed it was the microphone exploding. And records found. What do you think about that? Dan Bon Gino no. Cash Patel no.

SPEAKER_06 58:04

So was there like an explosive device in the microphone?

SPEAKER_02 58:09

It's if you look at it, dude, it's the way it think about the fucking pagers that blew up.

SPEAKER_06 58:16

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_02 58:19

And and then here's the crazy thing. Where that microphone was manufactured. China. Tennessee. The place that made it, the factory, blew up. Sixteen people dead.

SPEAKER_05 58:35

Prior records area.

SPEAKER_02 58:39

What you know? Random place to have an explosion.

SPEAKER_06 58:43

Yeah, it's it's an interesting angle to it.

SPEAKER_02 58:46

Yeah, you're not gonna go in there because you're like, I like the stupid stuff.

SPEAKER_06 58:49

I need more, I need more concrete sort of stuff.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

I need more gelatinous materials. That's what I need.

SPEAKER_06 58:57

Don't don't be on.

SPEAKER_02 58:58

You need more concrete stuff. Where it's it's con like you're not gonna believe that. Are you okay? You fall asleep? No, I'm fine. Just fucking, you just fucking yawned like a bear.

SPEAKER_04 59:11

I was a little tired. When I went off to me.

SPEAKER_06 59:17

This is blood sugar low.

SPEAKER_02 59:20

Check your level. Live reading. What do we got? Live read. It's six. It's at six.

SPEAKER_04 59:27

Get you a orange! Get him a Snickers bar. God damn it, it's up.

SPEAKER_05 59:33

What's that? 191 now. Ah, we're under two, dude.

SPEAKER_06 59:37

We're golden.

SPEAKER_05 59:38

Fucking egg rolls. I shouldn't eat those egg rolls.

SPEAKER_06 59:40

Yeah. Shrimp rolls. Same difference. Yeah, no egg. No protein.

SPEAKER_05 59:45

But there's carbs. Protein good. Carb bad. I'm not gonna lie to you. I literally felt the carbs going in my bloodstream and it was glorious.

SPEAKER_02 59:54

That's why you're gonna die soon.

SPEAKER_05 59:56

Perhaps.

SPEAKER_06 59:56

It's like when you're hungover, you take that first sip of like soda, like a fountain soda, you feel it like coat the inside of your body. You're like, oh, it's so good.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:05

Or when you get that or when you get that shaky feeling, and then you have sugar for like the first time when your blood sugar's low?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:12

Haven't had to worry about that in a while.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:14

I've had that a few times. It's a crappy feeling. If you think about it.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:20

Do you take the sugar rectally?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:23

When I can. It's probably why my swelling.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:28

Just on Tuesday. Got some hemis.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:32

The hemis are not good with sugar. So it's like a swollen tooth out there. Do something about it.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:40

It's like rolling around my asshole in glass.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:42

I can't wait to go home and and you put some tux on there.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:46

You got some tux wipes?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:47

Yeah. Nah, do the wipes and then the cream.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:51

Tux.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:53

This one's tufts. I think it's it's probably the ghetto version of Tux. Tufts. T-U-F-T-S.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:59

It's like Hydrox. It expired. Tufts. They expired eight months ago.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:06

Why does this sting so bad?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:10

Oh!

SPEAKER_02 1:01:10

Oh feels like this cream ain't doing anything. These are taste like Oreos.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:14

They're the same thing. It's hydrox.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:18

That's it. You fucking double stuff. Oh. Fucking hemorrhoids suck, dude. Oh my god. Awful. AI. You might as well come up with a good name with hemorrhoids. Because you've come up with two classic names the past fucking couple episodes.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:35

This is great. Back-to-back episodes. A Jackson Pollock incident. And and my and my hemorrhoids. My hemorrhoids hurt incident.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:46

No wonder why we're not getting any data.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:47

Hemorrhoids and galaxies.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:50

I won't fucking download this.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:52

Hemorrhoids and galaxies. That sounds fun.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:57

A lot of bubbles. Yeah. I guess I'll drink alcohol. No more Pepsi. I guess bourbon. I'm tired. You need a bourbon, do you?

unknown 1:02:12

Nah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:17

Okay. Well, he didn't fucking even consider anybody else with that. Just poured that shit right in his glass. He's like, I was told what to do.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:33

Did I cook off eight pounds of shrimp in like 20 minutes, man?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:36

You might as well get started with that, guys. It is 20 after nine. Don't take long. Shrimp don't take long. What the fuck were you just doing?

SPEAKER_06 1:02:50

Like five minutes in boiling water. Did you just see that? He was counting. I I felt like he was counting.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:56

He was giving a five count like this.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:59

Right? That was a standing eight.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:03

Just seeing if he could stand. I got it. I'm up. You were counting yourself in.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:08

I'm up. Shit. We just stretched. I saw a knee. I saw a knee go up above the chair. You do not see that too often in this fucking studio. I haven't seen that since 92. Can't do it with the left leg.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:28

Yeah, I noticed I get that. Dude, I get so fucking tight.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:32

My hip is so fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:34

They're gonna replace that. You'll be thin in a matter of months.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:38

Yeah, keep playing baseball, you guys. Says the guy who's dying to be invited on.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:45

Yeah, sir. This guy. I'm gonna strike you. I'm gonna strike you out in two pitches. You need three. You know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:52

It's more like Sam Milatello, I think.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:55

Fucking gay Millatello. I think I said seven. Doesn't matter. Right. You know what we're talking about. Like you're gonna foul off three.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:02

So four pitches technically.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:04

Is what you're saying. Well, no, seven total. Like I feel like you're gonna foul off three.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:09

I'm not gonna get a hit off you at all. No. I mean, this is just fucking stupid. Thank God we have this recorded. Once again.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:18

I honestly think like your confidence is like way too high, dude.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:22

It's funny. I was gonna say the same thing about you.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:24

No, like I'm I'm why shouldn't I have confidence in you should? I I'm not thinking I don't think I have confidence at all, dude. I'm just saying, like, the fact like you're just like totally dismissing me.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:37

And you're totally dismissing me.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:39

I'm not, though. I'm not. Yeah, I I said seven. You're gonna foul off three.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:45

Like, that's and I won't hit off of you.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:49

Dude, that that okay, so that that is my own like motivation that you like, no, you're not gonna get hit off me. No. Okay. Like, that's my motivation. Okay. But like you're your your total dismissiveness of me.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:05

As you are me is amazing. As you are me. As you are me. I'm not though. Yes, you are. I don't think I am, dude. Unbelievable. You but it's it's you fucking narcissistic fucking retard. It's okay for you to say and do, but when I do it, it's a bad thing because it hurts your feelings.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:23

But what am I saying and doing that's okay? Like what what what is that? I won't get a hit off you.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:28

I won't get a hit. So you're not giving me any respect whatsoever, whatsoever, of hitting the ball off of you.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:33

Whatsoever.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:33

Whatsoever. I said you're gonna foul three off.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:35

Foul three off, but not get a hit.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:40

So the crazy so the whole goal is for me to strike you out. Like I have to walk into the kingdom.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:48

You try to Phil Negro me and say you're gonna strike me out on a fucking knuckleball. When's the last time you threw a knuckleball? Oh When's the last time Phil Negro threw a knuckleball? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:56

Two days ago.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:57

Uh scout.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:11

I gotta go pick up the boy from work. Alright, we're calling toys, because this is just ridiculous.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:17

This was this was an awful unbelievable. Okay, I love it though. Aside from making fun of Pat having a stroke, this was an awful thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:23

You know what, man? Go fuck yourself. You like dragons?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:30

Imagine dragons.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:41

The fact that this doesn't even ho it doesn't even show up anymore.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:46

Did it work at the beginning before we went live?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:52

That's what's crazy. But we always have fallback features. Not that.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:03

What we doing live? Echoes in the turn.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:06

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for us again on another fine episode of the Take It Deep Show. Kevin's an asshole. Wow. Stupid stuff that comes out of his mouth on a weekly basis is absurd.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:20

You know what, Kev, perhaps you can prepare for the show next week.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:24

Yeah, here you go.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:27

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Take it. Ow. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:45

Let's go brandon out there.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:50

I quit.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:52

I'm still trying to figure out what you do here.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:55

I wow. Yeah yeah. You have to make the beef well with the hashtag everything. Fucking good guys. Hashtag I do it all. Surprise you didn't spray an act for walking out of the studio.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:27

Him and his fucking his women legs.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:33

You're going to pee and you came back because.