From Victim to Victor: Unleashing your potential through Radical Personal responsibility

Are you ready to take control of your life and transform your well-being? Discover the power of radical personal responsibility in this episode as Dr. Asha explores the concept of owning your emotions and choices

She shares her own journey of understanding this concept and realizing that she could only control her own reactions, not others'. Dr. Asha reflects on the realization that she alone was responsible for her own emotions and choices.

By embracing radical personal responsibility, she gained control over her life and reduced stress levels. She became more effective in managing her relationships, both at work and at home. Dr. Asha provides practical steps to start practicing radical personal responsibility, including recognizing the stories and beliefs that shape our reactions, challenging assumptions, and taking ownership of our emotions and choices.

By taking radical personal responsibility, you can experience reduced stress, increased happiness, and a greater sense of control over your lives. Dr. Asha encourages listeners to join her on this transformative journey and embrace the power of radical personal responsibility.

Join Dr. Asha as she explores the concept of radical personal responsibility and learn how it can positively impact your life by taking ownership of your emotions and choices.

Connect with Dr. Asha Padmanabhan:

🌐 Website: www.theleadershiprx.com
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📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/asha.md/
💼 LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/ashapadmanabhan

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Transcript

0:05

The concept of radical, personal responsibility. I first heard of this concept several years ago when listening to some podcasts by some well-known coaches. At the time, I really didn't understand what it meant. But then as I started getting coached myself, one of the first lessons I started learning was that I could not control another person's reactions. I could only control my own. Wait, what. All the time I had taken on the responsibility for how other people around me felt I wasn't actually responsible. All the time I had taken responsibility for not letting my family members feel hurt. My spouse feel hurt. The people at work. Feel upset or angry? I wasn't actually responsible. What a radical notion. My name is Dr. Asha. I'm a board certified anesthesiologist, a full-time clinical working anesthesiologist and a master certified physician development coach. My passion is to empower every woman, physician to be the leader. She is meant to be and to take control of her life. And her choices. And be happier and more professionally and personally fulfilled. So today I'm going to talk to you about the concept of radical personal responsibility. Of learning to take ownership of your own emotions and reactions. And of the choices you make. For me, I had spent an entire lifetime avoiding doing and saying whatever I felt would hurt the feelings of my family members. And my coworkers and colleagues at work. I felt like if I kept quiet when I was angry, then it would not. Increase the conflict or it would deescalate. Old stories that I was telling myself, because I did not want to hurt people. I was a people pleaser. And now I was learning that while I was responsible for my own actions and emotions. As long as I was not intentionally causing harm or hurt. How the other person reacted was up to them and the stories they told themselves. And so as I started learning that they were responsible for themselves, it also meant that I alone was responsible. From my own emotions, my negative and positive emotions, my own stress, my anxiety, my guilt. This is easy to think about when you're happy that I am happy, but to realize that when I am sad or upset or angry, It is my own mind causing me to feel those emotions was a little hard to understand. But it was a mind blowing concept to learn once I got it. So I started thinking about all the times I got angry at my husband for something he said or did or did not do. And then started realizing that I was responsible for how I reacted. How could that be? Wasn't he the one who got impatient or snapped. But wait. So what I started learning was that no matter what he said in did, it was the stories I was creating in my own mind. Based on the words. He said, and the tone he's used that caused me to get angry. And either snap back or walk away. So if he was not the cause of me getting angry. That meant I was responsible for me getting angry. But the more I thought about it and analyze this, even though it was a hard concept to swallow. The more, it began to make sense. The fact was, he said some angry words. That was fact. But my retaliatory anger was because of the meaning I gave to those words. The stories I told myself, they meant. And I started realizing that they were all based on past stories and sometimes had no relation to what had just happened, but it was all based on some incidents in the past way back when that I had suddenly started. Rethinking or remembering. And I was using these stories to justify my anger and my subsequent reaction to it. So to learn that I alone was responsible for my feelings was very revolutionary for me. And then as I started to delve deeper and learn more. I also started learning about taking responsibility for all the choices I had made in my life. Like choosing to not speak up and I should have. If I chose to stay and fight that had been my choice, my choice, if I chose to run away and hide emotionally, that had been my choice too. No one forced me to do either of those. Neither my husband, nor. My coworkers, not the surgeon that was dealing with. No one forced me to act in a certain way. It was me. Who had done that? I was the one telling myself that I was justified in whatever, whatever reaction I had and I was adopting sometimes the victim persona unconsciously. And when I heard that it struck me like lightning. If there's one thing I've told myself all my life, it's an, I'm a strong human being and no one's victim. And now to hear that I had conditioned myself into believing. In some instances that I was the victim and that I had no choices in my reactions was indeed eye-opening. And I started examining all my past hoods my years long resentments, both at work and at home. And I started getting curious. That fight with the surgeon I had last week. Why had I walked away and backed off? What was the story? I was telling myself. That if I told him what I was thinking, it would make him angrier and escalate the problem. So it was better that I walk away. And while that was true in the moment, I could have taken a few minutes to calm down and for him to calm down and gone back to address the problem. But I chose not to because the stories I was telling myself, Telling myself that it wasn't a big deal. That if I just kept quiet, it would blow over and I could pretend the next time I saw him. That everything was fine and I could ignore his bad behavior. So even that was a choice I had made that I needed to take responsibility for. How could I blame him for my anger and resentment? If it was me who chose to react in that way? And if I had chosen to react in a different way, by standing there and yelling back at him, that would have been my choice as well. And I was responsible for that. And as I started examining years of situations, both at work and home. I came to the realization that I could choose how to react. To whatever came my way in a different way as well. If I was responsible. For whichever way I reacted that I could control the way I reacted. And so I started experimenting. The next time I had a disagreement with that surgeon. If I retreated, I was clear in my mind why I was choosing to retreat. When I took the burden off of him and put it on myself and started taking responsibility for my own emotions and actions, there was suddenly no one to blame, but myself. And so I started choosing to react differently. The next time my husband snapped at me for something, instead of going into a negative spiral of thoughts about all the things he had said and done in the past. I started choosing to take a moment and focus only on the present words he said, For example, I had set up the sprinklers. At a house and one day one was not working and he got frustrated and said something. In the past, I would have gone down the spiral of how hard I was working and how dare he not appreciate all the stuff I'm doing. And the fact that I had stepped up and said this up, even with my extremely busy work schedule. I had done all of this, so he didn't have to, and now he was yelling at me and how unfair that was. Instead of that, I chose to focus on the fact. His frustration that the thing was not working. Which was true and it had nothing to do at all with all my past stories. And so when I focused on that fact, Instead of getting angry, I could turn to problem solving and we have both figured out who to call and fix it. And how. In just a few minutes. What would in the past have led to me being annoyed with him and not speaking to him for the next several hours instead blew over in a few minutes. And that started happening because I started taking responsibility for my own feelings and the choices I was making. I was learning the skill of radical personal responsibility. And so as I started embracing personal responsibility, I started gaining control over my own life instead of constantly feeling buffeted by whatever winds were blowing at work or at home. If at work. We fell short of people and I had to work harder. I could choose how to react to that. I could get angry. Or I could choose to be calm and react in a better way to my situation. If someone snapped at me, I could choose how to react. It was my choice and mine alone. What that did is helped me improve on my relationships, both at work and at home. After all, if I had no one, but myself to blame for what I was feeling, I might as well choose to feel happy or content or be at peace. And so practicing this over the last several years has decreased my stress levels drastically. And I'm better able to be a leader. To manage my team and to be more effective. At conflict management and be more effective at communication. So, how can you get started on this journey and why should you, the why part is easy to reduce your stress, to feel happier, feel content more in control of your life and your circumstances. So, how do you start doing that? So first start recognizing the stories we tell you, tell ourselves yourself. Identify the stories and the beliefs you have created about yourself. And others that influence how you react and what you feel. Number two. Start challenging assumptions question. The truth of the stories you tell yourself. And examine them to see whether they are actually real or if they're distorted by some past experience or some bias. Number three. Self-reflection embrace that. So think about or introspect on your triggers, your patterns and your default reactions. Look at the areas where you can take more responsibility for your own emotions and choices. Number 4 choose your response. You can cultivate how you choose to respond to certain situations rather than reacting impulsively. Think about alternative perspectives and consciously select the most constructive. And empowering response for you. And lastly practice self-compassion. So understand that taking responsibility does not mean blaming yourself or being overly critical. Treat yourself. With kindness. The same kindness that you would show someone else. The same kindness that you would show your own kid. And do that throughout the process of growth and change. As female physicians. We have the power to rewrite our narratives and choose our responses. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Of the leadership RX. For women physicians and come back for more. We are looking for more. Whether it's, if you're seeking to enhance your communication skills or improve your conflict resolution skills. Or if you want to just gain confidence to have your voice heard. Then I've just opened the doors to my comprehensive 12 week course thrive in medicine. That takes you for being an ineffective communicator and conflict resolver to a successful and confident physician. My program is designed to help you perform better to enhance your professional relationships. And to improve your overall wellbeing. And the skills you will learn will help you not just during the 12 week program, but lifelong with some of the applications, being Leadership, personal relationships, parenting stress management, and career planning. You can continue to use and expand the skills you will learn in different areas of your personal and professional life. Enabling lifelong growth and wellbeing. I have just some limited seats left for this cohort. And if you're interested, I will put the link in the show notes so you can join. Or if you're listening to this episode after the game, the doors to this cohort are closed. Then DME or joined the wait list for the program for the next time. The doors open. And remember you own your life. Take charge of it.