The Truth About Saying No: 5 Reasons It’s So Hard for Women Physicians

Welcome to The Leadership Rx for Women Physicians! In this episode, Dr. Asha Padmanabhan explores a challenge that resonates deeply with so many women physicians: Why is it so hard to say no?

From the fear of disappointing others to internalized perfectionism, Dr. Padmanabhan breaks down five common reasons women physicians struggle to set boundaries—and why this matters for your well-being, relationships, and career.

This episode is packed with relatable stories, thought-provoking insights, and a roadmap to help you take the first step toward healthier boundaries.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the endless demands on your time or said yes when you really wanted to say no, this episode is for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

1. Why women physicians feel a deep obligation to say yes, even at the expense of their own needs.
2. The emotional and professional toll of overcommitting.
3. How cultural and societal expectations make it harder to say no.
4. The first step toward unlearning these patterns and setting boundaries without guilt.

And if this resonates with you, stay tuned to Dr. Padmanabhan's LinkedIn and Facebook page for details on how to register for the free webinar, Master the Art of Saying No – How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt

In this webinar, Dr. Padmanabhan will take you deeper into this conversation and share practical strategies to help you reclaim your time, energy, and confidence.

Connect with Dr. Asha Padmanabhan:

🌐 Website: www.theleadershiprx.com
📝 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/asha.padmanabhan.9
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/asha.md/
💼 LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/ashapadmanabhan

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Transcript

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Asha: 0:08

Hi there and welcome to the Leadership Prescription for Women Physicians. I'm your host, Dr. Asha. I am a Board Certified Anesthesiologist and a Master Certified Physician Coach. I coach women physicians in essential career and leadership skills so you too can have a fulfilling career with the work life balance that you want. And I'm so glad you're here today. If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the endless demands of your time, whether it's at work, at home, Or anywhere in between. You're not alone. I've been there and so have so many of my clients and other physicians I work with. So today I'm gonna dive into a topic that resonates deeply with so many of us, especially women physicians. Why is it so hard for us to say no? I repeat. Why is it so hard for us to say no? If you've ever said yes to something you didn't want to do and later regretted it, you're in the right place. By the end of this episode, I hope you'll feel seen and validated and you're ready to take the first steps towards setting some healthy boundaries. And that's exactly what saying no is, that is, setting healthy boundaries. And if this resonates with you, I'd love for you to join me in my upcoming free webinar, Mastering the Art of Saying No, How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt. I'll share more about that later, so stick with me. And let's get started. So why is it so hard for us to say no? I remember early on in my career being asked to represent the anesthesia department at a pharmacy and therapeutics meeting, that's PNT. I was new to the position and I felt I could not say no. I had no idea what to expect. This meeting would entail what the committee would entail, or even that I would be asked to be part of the committee. All I was asked was, Hey, can you be part of this meeting? I found later on that several of my colleagues had refused this voluntorism, but I felt I could not, as I said, I was new to the position and I felt like if I said no, then my, Superiors would think that I was not willing and able to do anything outside of the OR, and then I would be passed on for other opportunities. So I said yes. The committee met at a time that was inconvenient. It was in the evening after work. It was at the same time as my son's taekwondo class. And so what did I do? I still said yes. I hated to miss his class because there were only some things that I could do with them, with my kids, and this was one of them, but I still said yes. Because of several reasons, I will go into for a bit. Of course, I regretted it after I said it. I regretted it every time I was sitting in a meeting knowing that my nanny was at the class with my son. I resented it too, but I still said yes and I couldn't back out of it. So, why is it so hard again for us to say no? Why do we, as women physicians, feel this deep, almost automatic urge to say yes every time, even when it drains us? Let's break it down into 5 reasons that might sound all too familiar. Reason 1. We are afraid of disappointing others. Reason 2. The first reason that we all know too well. We fear disappointing others. As physicians, we're in a caregiving role by nature. Whether it's a colleague, a patient, or even someone in our personal life, we feel an obligation to help. Whether it's being asked to do something that we are uncomfortable with, we are obligated or we feel the obligation to say yes. And the idea of letting someone down, it feels unbearable. I can't tell you how many times I've heard phrases like these and said them myself. Can you help me with the schedule? Sure, I'll make it work. Can you cover this meeting? Of course, no problem. Can you stay late tonight? Yes, I'll figure it out. Does that sound familiar? It's so hard to say no because we've internalized the belief that saying no means we are failing someone else. But the truth is, saying yes to everything isn't good for us either. It leaves us stretched so thin that we can't fully show up where it matters most. Reason number two, our desire to be seen as a team player. In our field, Teamwork is everything. We don't want to be seen as someone who's not pulling their weight. And as women, we often feel we have to work even harder to prove that we are collaborative and we are capable. So this is where those small yeses start piling up. Can you take on this extra committee role? Like I was asked, sure. We need someone to lead this project. Of course, I'll do it. But here's the irony, saying yes to everything doesn't actually make you a better team player. Because it often leads to burnout, which means you're not able to bring your best self to the team. So remember, saying no strategically allows you to focus on what really matters, which ultimately benefits the whole team. Reason number three, the fear of being judged. Let's be honest, as women physicians, often we feel like we are under a microscope. We are constantly trying to prove our competence and our dedication. We are constantly trying to prove ourselves that we deserve to be where we are. And saying no can feel like admitting we are not strong enough, we are not committed enough, we cannot make things work. So, there is something I want you to consider. Saying no doesn't mean you're not capable. It means you're choosing to protect your time and energy so you can focus on what truly matters. It's not about proving yourself to others. It's about showing up as your best self where it counts. Reason number four. Internalized perfectionism. So what is this? Many of us feel this constant pressure to do everything perfectly. I will raise my hand at this. Anything I do, I want it done perfect. And because of that, it becomes almost impossible to say no. After all, if you don't do it, will it be done right? The volun told myself, For a position, it was because I felt like if I wouldn't do it, then no one else would, or no one else would do it the way I thought it should be done. This mindset might feel like a badge of honor, but it's actually a trap. It keeps us overcommitted and constantly striving for an impossible standard. And letting go of perfectionism isn't easy. But, it's something that we all have to learn to do. Reason number five, cultural and societal expectations. For many of us, the idea of always saying yes has been ingrained in us since childhood. It's been ingrained in me culturally and we've also been socialized as women to do this. To put others first, don't let people down. Be the one everyone can count on. You've probably heard this multiple times. I've heard this and I've, these lessons have also been not verbally sometimes, but also expected for us to be and do. These lessons shape us, but they also make it incredibly hard for us to set boundaries. And this is hard. The truth is, constantly saying yes at the expense of our own well being isn't sustainable. And learning to say no is essential because learning to unlearn some of these deeply ingrained beliefs and realizing that setting boundaries is essential. So those are five big reasons women physicians struggle to say no. Do any of these resonate with you? I know I identify with each and every one of them at different parts of my life or even different parts of the same week. If they do, I want you to know that you're not alone and there's a way forward. I struggled with this incurable urge to say no for many years until I learned how damaging it was for me and how it was driving me to burn out. And that's when I learned to set boundaries and learned how to say no. I'm taking all the lessons I've learned and sharing them with you in my free webinar, Mastering the Art of Saying No, How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt. I'd love to invite you to sign up for it. In this webinar, we'll dive deeper into these challenges and more importantly, we will work on strategies to help you set boundaries confidently and without guilt. I will post the webinar link in the show notes, and I can't wait to see you there. Until next time, and remember, saying no isn't about letting people down, it's about showing up fully where it matters most. Thank you for listening, and if you liked this, I encourage you to like, share and subscribe, and especially share it with a woman physician you know who might benefit from listening to this. She will thank you.

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