The Perfectionism Trap. And How to Break Free

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough? That you’re constantly trying to meet impossibly high standards at work and at home? You’re not alone. In this episode of The Leadership Rx for Women Physicians, Dr. Asha Padmanabhan dives deep into The Perfectionism Trap—what it is, how it shows up in our lives, and what we can do to break free from it.

Drawing from her own experiences as a young attending striving to be both the perfect doctor and the perfect mom, Dr. Asha shares relatable stories, actionable insights, and one simple tool you can use today to let go of perfectionism and reclaim your time, energy, and joy.

Whether you’ve over-prepared for a presentation, stayed late rewriting a note, or felt guilty for missing a family event, this episode is for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

1. What perfectionism is—and why it’s so common among women physicians.
2. How perfectionism impacts your work, your relationships, and your mental health.
3. A practical strategy called The 80% Rule to help you start breaking free from perfectionism today.

Sign Up for My Free Webinar:
If this episode resonates with you, I invite you to join my free webinar, Tame Your Inner Critic: How to Break Free from Perfectionism and Silence Self-Doubt.

• Save your spot here: https://asha-padmanabhan.mykajabi.com/mastering-the-art-of-saying-no-LRX
• In this webinar, we’ll dive deeper into the perfectionism trap and explore additional tools to help you show up fully and confidently in your life.

Let’s Connect!
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Transcript

0:01

Hi there and welcome to the Leadership Prescription for Women Physicians. I'm your host, Dr. Asha Padmanabhan. I'm a Board Certified Anesthesiologist and a Master Certified Physician Coach. And I help women physicians build essential career and leadership skills, so you too can have a fulfilling career and the work life balance you deserve. Now, I'm going to apologize. I am recording this in a hotel room and I don't have my microphone. I apologize. And all the equipment with me, so if this is not as clear as some of my other episodes, that's the reason why. I'm also suffering from laryngitis, so my voice is off as well, but I'm But you've got to do what you've got to do, and I am traveling for work with my locum's job that many of you know, and this is what it is, so. this actually leads in very well to what I am going to talk about today, because several years ago, I wouldn't have even recorded this. Because I was so steeped in perfectionism. So let's dive in. I'm so glad you're here today because this topic hits close to home for so many of us and that is professionalism. I can well remember how distraught I was when I couldn't exchange a call shift to be able to take my son to the dentist and my nanny ended up having to take him. I was a young attending. And I had young growing up kids. I was determined to be the best doctor I could be. At work, I tried hard to be an excellent clinician, but also to be perfect at what I did. OR turnover times, making sure my regional blocks were good, making sure all the patients were ready at 7. 30 in the morning or way before, so I couldn't be blamed that My OR was running late because of anesthesia. I showed up for as many meetings as I could, for as many committees as I could, all in the effort to be the perfect doctor. And at the same time, I wanted to be the perfect mom. I made it my mission to never miss a soccer practice or a dental appointment. I tried so hard to juggle my schedule with exchanging call shifts and working harder so I could be at as many doctor's appointments and soccer and dance practices as I could be. But as you guys know, that's an impossible task and trying to meet my own impossibly high standards of what a good physician is and what a good mom is left me feeling like I was failing everywhere. I felt so drained and discouraged. And I felt resentful because I was missing out on time with my family. It took several years, lots of learning, lots of reading, and lots of coaching for me to realize that I was trapped in perfectionism. Does this resonate with you? Maybe you've missed a few games or appointments. Maybe you've stayed late at work rewriting a note or over preparing for a meeting or a presentation. Or you've hesitated to take on a new role because you weren't sure you'd be good enough. If so, this episode is for you. And today, we're going to explore three things. What perfectionism is and why it's so common among women physicians. How it affects our work and our personal lives. And then, I'm going to give you one simple tool you can use today to start breaking free. And if this resonates with you, I'd love to invite you to my free webinar, Taming Your Inner Critic, How to Overcome Perfectionism and Silence Negative Self Talk. And I'll share more about that at the end of the episode, so stick with me. And for those listening after the webinar has been aired, don't worry, I'll share how you can stay connected and access future resources at the end of the episode. So let's dive in. And let's start with what perfectionism actually is. Perfectionism isn't about striving for excellence. It's actually all about fear. It's the fear of making mistakes. The fear of being judged. And the fear of not being enough. It tells us that if we are not perfect, we are failing. This mindset often starts in our childhood and is reinforced in medicine. Think about it. As physicians, We are trained to avoid mistakes at all costs. Lives are at stake, right? But this mentality can seep into areas where perfectionism simply isn't required, like a simple email or a presentation. And it makes, and it becomes paralyzing. And for women physicians like us, this is compounded by societal and cultural pressures. We are expected to excel at work. We are expected to care for our families. And somehow we're expected to make it all look effortless. You might hear your inner critic saying things like, if I don't do this perfectly, I let everyone down. Or I have to prove myself by going above and beyond. Or if it's not flawless, it's not worth doing. Does any of this sound familiar? If so, you're not alone. So let's talk about how perfectionism affects us. Perfectionism might look like spending extra hours tweaking a presentation or a clinic note that's already good enough. It might look like avoiding opportunities because you're afraid of failing or not being perfect at it. It might look like constantly over committing because you feel like you should be able to handle it all. And at home, perfectionism can show up as trying to do everything and be everything for your family, as if you didn't have work. I remember, like I said, trying to be at every soccer practice, trying to make homemade treats for school events, all while keeping up with a demanding career. I was so stretched thin that I wasn't fully present for my kids or even for myself. Though these behaviors might feel productive, they actually come at a very high cost, whether that's at work or at home. And these costs might be emotionally, Stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. Professionally, these feelings keep us stuck in overwork and hold us back from opportunities to advance or in leadership. And personally, it creates guilt, it creates tension in our relationships, and a loss of joy. So, what could this lead to? This is a very used term. It could lead to burnout. Because overworking and overthinking drains our joy and our energy. It could lead to missed opportunities because the fear of being imperfect can keep you stuck in your comfort zone. It could lead to strained relationships. The unrealistic expectations of yourself and others can create tension. I hear so many women physicians say things like, I feel like I'm failing at everything or no matter how much I do, it's never enough. The thing is This is perfectionism, and perfectionism isn't actually protecting you. It's holding you back. So how do we start breaking free? I'm going to introduce you to something that really made a difference in my life, and that is called the 80 percent rule. The 80 percent rule, in this the idea is very simple. Aim for good enough instead of perfect. In most cases, The last 20 percent of the effort does not significantly improve the outcome, but it does take up most the time and the energy. So the 80 percent rule encourages you to focus on progress over perfection. So it's enough to be 80 percent good and not 100%, which is very different for us as female physicians to consider because we want to be 100 percent in everything we do and we give. So, let me give you an example. Let's say you're preparing for a presentation. Instead of spending hours perfecting every slide, focus on delivering the core message clearly and confidently do it. 80%, not a hundred percent. Does it make a big difference if it has gotta be a hundred percent? Maybe not. There might be other things that you actually have to deliver a hundred percent, and for that, you do it. But not everything has to be a hundred percent. At home, if it's important for you to be present at your kids activities, figure out which ones are the most important. Go to 80%, not 100%, because that might not be possible. So commit to the most important ones and let go of the others. So an example for you. This is a way you can practice this at work. Identify one task where perfectionism is holding you back. Then ask yourself, what would good enough look like over here? And then commit to completing that task to 80 percent and letting it go. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but I promise you it is so freeing. When I realized that I did not have to be at every doctor's appointment, it helped me make those appointments during my work time. And let my nanny go with them. And I stopped stressing that I had to be there. I could call in if I could get the time, but I didn't have to be physically there. So remember, perfectionism is a trap, but it's one we can learn to escape. By shifting our mindsets and focusing on progress over perfection, we can reclaim our time and our energy, and even our joy. So, if this resonates with you, I would love to invite you to my free webinar, Taming Your Inner Critic, Overcoming Perfectionism, and How to Silence Self Doubt. And in this, I'll dive deeper into strategies like the 80 percent rule and more tools to help you embrace imperfection and help you quiet self doubt. The registration link will be in the show notes or on Facebook and LinkedIn. And if you haven't followed me there yet I'd love to have you follow me and see you and I'd love to see you there and help you take the next step forward. And if you're listening to this after the webinar has aired, sign up for my newsletter. The link will be in the show notes as well and stay connected so that the next time I have some webinars or I send emails with tips and tricks and tools like this, you receive updates on resources and future opportunities. So, see you next time and remember, perfection is in the goal. Showing up as your best self, flaws and all, is what truly matters.