Stop Letting Your Inner Critic steal your confidence

Every woman physician has an inner critic — that relentless voice that whispers, “You’re not enough.” In this episode, Dr. Padmanabhan shares her own journey of living with that voice, the toll that it took on her self-confidence, and the impact that it had on her work and relationships.

She shares how she stopped letting it run the show, and three practical steps listeners can use right away.

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Transcript

0:03

I want to take you back to a morning during my residency. I'd been up late the night before, finishing my notes, double checking my cases, making sure I was ready for rounds. I walked into that room with my attending and the rest of the team, and I did what I always do. I presented the case as clearly and as concisely as I could My attending didn't say anything. He didn't pimp me. My colleagues nodded along. Nobody questioned anything, but on the inside it was a completely different story. As soon as I sat down and someone else started talking, that little voice in my head started. You should have said that better. You missed that one detail. They're going to think that you did not know everything about the case. And that voice didn't stop when the rounds ended. It followed me through the day, through my cases into the evening. It was kind of like a background soundtrack of self-criticism that I couldn't shut off. Does that sound familiar? Maybe you've heard that voice too on a long call day where you've done a lot. But instead of feeling proud of how much you've done. And how many people you have helped your brain immediately starts with, you could have done more. You didn't handle that conversation well, you're not as good as they think you are now. That voice, that's your inner critic. Hi, I'm Dr. Asha Padmanabhan. I'm a Board Certified anesthesiologist, physician leader, and Certified coach through leadership RX coaching. I help women Physicians build confidence, communication and mindset skills to thrive, not just in medicine, but in every part of your lives. Today we are gonna talk about taming that inner critic, how to recognize her and how to stop her running the show. The thing about the inner critic is that she disguises herself as helpful. She pretends to be your motivator, the part of you that pushes you to be excellent. And for women Physicians, especially those of us who have been high achievers all our lives, which I think pretty much every woman physician is, it often feels like that voice is what got us here. Have you thought that? Just because I think that I need to be pushing harder and doing more and never giving up and being perfect. That's what has gotten me to the position that I'm in. And that's what she likes to tell us. But here's something that I've recognized and something that you need to learn as well. She, your inner critic is not the voice of truth. She's the voice of fear. She's your brain's way of trying to protect you from judgment, failure, or rejection. She thinks that by pointing out every possible flaw, she's keeping you safe, but. When she's left unchecked, she doesn't protect you at all. She shrinks you. She drains your confidence. She robs you of the joy in the work you've already done. I've seen her do this to me. I've seen this not only in myself, but in many women Physicians. I work with such brilliant, capable women who have achieved so much and yet. They walk into meetings second guessing themselves. They finish patient encounters and replay everything they should have said. They step into leadership roles only to be haunted by the thought, I'm not ready for this. They go to meetings and don't speak up because they think they will look stupid if they ask a question that they don't know the answer to. That inner critic, she doesn't discriminate. She shows up whether you are a resident, starting out and attending with years of practice and experience, or even a chair leading a department. And I know that because I was a chair leading a department and she was strong in my brain. The saddest part is that so many of us assume that she's just part of the package, that she is something we have to live with. But today I want to challenge that for you and tell you, you do not have to let her run your life. So let's start here. How do you recognize her? I'm sure you recognize those thoughts when she comes in and sometimes she's loud and obvious, like when you make a mistake and immediately she says, oh no, you're terrible at this. Everyone noticed, like when you couldn't get the iv, and she says, how come you could not get the iv? Everyone else could get it. Even the nurse could get it and you didn't get it. You suck. But sometimes she's more subtle. She's at low level harm that runs in the background. You might notice her in quiet moments, like driving home or walking into the house after work, or most often lying awake at night. One way I found helpful for myself is just to pause and ask myself, what am I saying to myself right now? Sometimes that catches a route. Because if what I'm saying to myself isn't encouraging or compassionate, if it is critical judgmental accrual, then I know that it's her speaking. Here's something I want you to take to heart today. You're inner critic. She is not you. Yes, she is a part of you. She's a pattern. She's a mental habit that your brain has learned initially to protect yourself. But then in a little while, that protection really doesn't help you. When you can start to see her that way, you can create just enough distance to choose a different response. So how do you actually do that? How do you quiet that inner critic? Here are three simple practices that have helped me that you can try this week. Number one, name her. Give your critical name even a silly one, like Perfect Patty or The Nitpicker or Dr. Doom, or anything that you can think of, something personal to you. When you give her a name, you're reminding yourself that this voice, she is not your whole identity. a small part of your brain trying to keep you safe, but is not necessary every single moment. I've had clients tell me that simply naming her has changed everything because instead of saying, I'm terrible at this, it became, oh, there's perfect Patty doing her thing again. And it gives you that separation to understand that she is not all of you. That little bit of humor can also take the sting out of her voice and help you remember that you are not defined by her. Number two, notice when she shows up. Patterns are powerful for many of us. She, the inner critic, tends to appear after certain events, like when we are handing off patients, when we are giving a presentation, when we finish notes late at night, when we walk into a leadership meeting, when we are standing up in front of a meeting and expressing our opinions. Once you know what situations trigger her, you can prepare. You can say, okay, I know my inner critic will probably chime in here, but I don't have to give her the microphone. Just that shift for me was huge. Recognizing that I did not have to give her the microphone when I was in a meeting and thinking, oh, I don't have anything smart to stay. I realized that that was her and I didn't have to give her the microphone. Number three. Step number three, neutralize her. How do you neutralize her? And that is about shifting from the judgmental tone that she gives to curiosity about yourself. Instead of saying, I'm terrible at this, or she says, I'm terrible at this, you can ask yourself, is she really true? Is this really true? What evidence do I have that it is, it can move you forward. Curiosity can move you forward. While self-criticism can keep you stuck. So these three steps, name her, notice her neutralize her, are not complicated, but they're powerful. And like anything else, they get easier with practice. So you might be thinking that's all well and good, but she is relentless. My inner critic. What if it never stops? And it will not. It'll never stop because you are human. But here's the thing, the goal isn't to silence her completely, that voice. She may be always there in some form. The goal is to turn down her volume so she no longer runs the show. Think of it this way, you are in the driver's seat. She can sit in the back of the car, but she doesn't get to touch the steering wheel. She doesn't get to drive you or your life, and the more you practice noticing and neutralizing her, the more your brain learns to trust your wiser, calmer self instead of the nagging voice of fear. I wanna share one more story with you, a client of mine. A brilliant anesthesiologist came to me feeling completely drained on paper. She was successful. She had a title, she had papers, publications. She was well liked and respected, so in reality, she was successful on paper, she was successful in reality, she was exhausted from constantly beating herself up. After every workday, her critic would launch into a laundry list of everything she could have done better. So we worked on her with these simple steps and with deeper coaching. But initially she did these three simple steps. She named her critic. She started noticing the patterns, especially how the voice was loudest after difficult cases. Or after she couldn't do something she thought she could, Instead of listening to her, she began asking, what is it that is making her so loud? And then is what she's saying really true? And then she went to the next step and instead of thinking, why am I such a failure? Started thinking, is this again really true? What evidence do I have of it? And the third question, what? So is something small that I could try next time. Over a few weeks, she told me that she felt something remarkable. She said, I feel lighter. I'm not perfect, but I don't end every day tearing myself down anymore. That's the power of quieting that inner critic. It just doesn't change how you feel in the moment. It changes your energy, your confidence, and your ability to lead yourself and others. So this week, try it. Catch your inner critic name her. Notice the patterns and shift from judgment to curiosity, because here's what I want you to know. Your critic isn't your whole self. She is a very small part of you, and you don't have to give her the power to take over your entire life. If this episode resonates with you, I've created a free resource just for women Physicians. It's called saying No. Without guilt. Real life scripts for women Physicians, it's a guide to help you set boundaries with confidence, which goes hand in hand with taming that inner critic. And I'll put the link in the show notes. And if you are realizing that your inner critic is strong and she's a bigger challenge in your day-to-day life, and you'd need a little bit more help and practice, I'd love to talk with you. These are exactly the things I coach my clients on. You can sign up for a free exploratory call with no pressure, where we can look at how she shows up for you, and then what's possible when you learn to quiet her. That link is also in the notes. Thank you for spending this time with me today. And remember, you don't have to let your reno critic run the show. You can learn to take back the wheel, and when you do, you can create the space to thrive in medicine and beyond. Thank you for listening.