Something shifted. You can feel it. You just can't name it yet.
Stand Tall & Own It is for women in the second half of life who are high-functioning on the outside and quietly disoriented on the inside. You built your life inside systems you trusted completely — until you realized you couldn't tell what was actually yours from what you'd just learned to navigate well.
Host Andrea Johnson doesn't offer formulas. She offers honest thinking, sharp observation, and the kind of conversation that makes you pull over and sit in your driveway.
Two and a half years after my very first post on “Being Present,” I’ve learned a few things. Practicing Presence is not yet something I’ve mastered, and based on what I see out there, we all need a refresher. So here are my takeaways.
Three Insights on “Being Present”:
Everyone’s Present is unique.
Without curiosity, you’ll never get “there.”
If being “present” doesn’t produce kindness in you, then you’re doing it wrong.
So what should we do?
Unique: One size doesn’t fit all. Do your own work.
Curiosity: Get curious about you. When you don’t like something, ask “why?” and wait…
You're listening to Intentional Optimists, the podcast for unconventional leaders, where you'll find inspiration, learn to discover and develop your own strengths, and hear from inspiring women just like you who are making a difference in their community. Who knows? You just might find yourself stepping up as the next unconventional leader right where you are. I'm your host, Andrea Johnson, the original intentional optimist. Hey there, my friend. Welcome to episode 75. It may or may not come as a surprise to you that the most downloaded episode of this podcast is entitled The Importance of Being Present. That's episode number six from September 2020. I'm not sure how we as a society have gotten so far away from actually being able to be present, but I'm sure it has not more than a little bit to do with all the instant connectedness we find in the internet, social media, and cellular technology. What's interesting is that I start that episode off with the revelation that one year prior, so September of 2019, I wrote a blog post entitled, Why It's Taken Me So Long to Be Present and How You Can Do It Today. That's presumptuous. Now, of course, a year and a half ago, I remarked how naive and innocent it all seemed. And yes, that post is still up on my website, so you can go read it if you want. But here we are, 16 months even further down the road, and I am still shaking my head. It's called personal growth, y'all. Come along. It's a very revealing process. Now, don't get me wrong, episode six is a great overview of the second tenet of intentional optimism present. But it's just that. It's theoretical almost, which is quite frankly where I still was a year and a half ago. But since it's the most downloaded one, and February is one of the months I focus on that particular tenet, both in my membership community and personally as I grow in intentional optimism, I realized I have a few new tips that are helping me better assimilate this concept, principle, and practice into my daily life. Of course, a year from now, you should probably expect yet another iteration, right? Patterns, folks, they're everywhere. Now, before I start, if you want a good theoretical overview, like I said, of the tenet of present, press pause, scroll back to episode six, and give that a listen. That was from September of 2020. It's only 17 minutes long. That episode and the blog post will give you some good tips and a fairly decent idea of what I think it actually means to be present. Alright, so now what? Well, I have three simple yet slightly provocative observations from the last two and a half years of working on this particular tenet, both inside and from the world around me. So I'm gonna go ahead and share those with you today, and then I'll give you some feedback on maybe how I implement those myself. Alright, you ready for this? The first one? Everybody's present is unique. Now, you might think, well, duh, of course it is. But here's the thing, it really is. You can't throw a one size fits all how-to on being present and expect it to just work for everybody. Does that negate everything I just said? No. There are general overarching principles, but the more I learn about myself and others, especially through both the disc and the Enneagram, the more I realize that what being present looks like is unique to the individual, which falls right in line with the way I view each individual. For instance, for an extrovert, it's going to look very different from that of an introvert. It's different for me in my life stage, family circumstance, job situation, Enneagram 6 world, than my friends who are eights or nines with different life and career, or my family in very different life stages from me. That's the first one. Everyone's present is unique. Number two, without curiosity, you'll never get there. I think this is one of the biggest gaps I've noticed in the American psyche over the last two years. A complete and utter lack of curiosity. Here's a statement straight out of that first blog post. You ready? Curiosity is an indicator that we want to grow. Start asking the five W's, what makes others tick? How do things work? This will get you invested immediately. And I was, and am totally right. However, y'all, we are so saturated with change and uncertainty, and few have the capacity to ask the who, what, when, where, and why any longer. But curiosity is literally what makes us celebrate things like puppies, kittens, otters, and small children. To think that so many of us have landed in a place where all the answers have been gathered, collected, and placed in a nice little basket, and you're either in or you're out. It saddens me. You cannot be truly present in an understanding, calming, or even enlightening way if you don't want to know anything new. It's like climbing into a tornado shelter and never coming out. The food in there is only gonna last so long. All right? So without curiosity, you're never gonna get there. And third, if being present doesn't produce kindness in you, then you're doing it wrong. I know that sounds harsh, but truly experiencing presence, the kind that helps you take a good deep breath, close your eyes and relax your shoulders. Or the kind that allows you to open your eyes and unexpectedly see the calm amidst the storm. How about the kind that quiets your anxious heart and mind while questions hang and swirl over your head so that you can be in the moment, totally available to the people, in the circumstances, and for yourself? That kind of presence will inevitably create an open space that you can't help but invite others into. Who wouldn't want to feel that kind of peace, calm, and quiet, even in the midst of some really hard stuff, like we've all experienced over the last two years. And openness is a stance that prohibits being in either an offensive or defensive posture. It's welcoming and warm. It's kind. I'm not saying that people are telling me I am being present and yet are unkind. What I'm getting at here is that they may not be aware at all that being present is what's necessary to get to a place where they can be kind in any circumstance. Alright, so those are the three. Everybody's as unique. Without curiosity, you're never gonna get there. And if it doesn't produce kindness, then you're doing it wrong. So, in light of these insights, what do we do? Of course, I do not presume to have all the answers. I'm too curious for that, and I don't have all the answers. But this is what I'm learning and discovering about being present. Number one, since everyone's present is unique, don't assume anything. I know that's not new news either, but while we should and do want to help each other better experience being present, a prescriptive, you need to do A or perhaps a little less B might not be helpful. I don't mean to be preachy here, but there are literally millions of ways presence can be expressed or experienced, and allowing for each individual to find what works for them is important. That said, you actually need to do some of your own work to figure out what will work and what it will look like for you. Don't hold yourself to the standard that your favorite guru has put out there. If you're willing to cut yourself some slack, exercise a little grace, you can clean what works from various resources and land in a place where you too can, quote, find center. And when you do, trust me, you'll know it. I think the most important thing to remember though is that it's a practice. It's not something you just sit down on the floor or in a comfy chair and just do. It's part of personal growth. Learning and understanding who you are, what makes you tick, and where you are in your life circumstances will give you some really good clues. The better you know yourself, the more self-aware you are, the more likely you are to find that present peace. Alright, so everybody's present is unique, including yours, so don't assume a one-size-fits-all approach. Next, curiosity is a total necessity. If I didn't already make this clear before, I'm gonna say it again. As soon as you stop asking questions, it's time to go. I do really believe it's that important. As far as I'm concerned, curiosity is proof of life. Being curious about anything you don't like or understand, either inside you or outside you, removes emotion from the equation and allows for real and reasonable investigation. Is that too high level? Is that too vague? How about when you come up against something that you don't like, simply ask yourself, why, and wait for the answer. When you close yourself off from good old-fashioned investigation, ugh, you might as well be done. Now, this isn't something you can't rectify, of course, but it is a big deal in my book. Of course, there's a ton out there that I think that we all need to be a whole lot more curious about. And if we did, I think the temperature of both our social and political spheres would go down considerably. However, I'm gonna stick with the personal growth sphere and remind you that no matter how long you've been on this planet, there's always something new to learn about the amazing you. When you're worried about what's coming down the pike, ask why. When you're angry over things you know are small potatoes, go looking for what's really bothering you. Get curious about you. What makes you tick? Where did you get those ideas, beliefs, values? Why do you hold on to them? Do you need to change your mind on certain things? I know. Clasp the pearls. But seriously, you are the most fascinating creature on this planet, and you should darn well want to understand how to be in a way that gives you peace, quiet, and calm. So get curious about you. And finally, look for kindness. Just like breathing produces carbon dioxide, kindness is a byproduct of presence. When you're practicing being present, however it looks to you, you will be more open and expansive. You'll no longer have your fists clenched by your side or across your chest, and you'll have your hands available for service, even if it's in service to your own care. When you're practicing presence, your anxiety will be lower, allowing you to lower your shields and listen to others who have their own worries and cares. And when you're practicing presence, you'll have less need to fiercely protect your space because you'll be ready to welcome others into that open, calm, and quiet place. When we find something amazing, we always want to share, and presence is no different. So look for kindness in yourself. That will tell you whether or not you're actually finding or being present. Here's the bottom line for me. The more I am present, the more me I am. The more me I am, the more present I can be for everyone else. I know that sounds a whole lot like Winnie the Pooh, but it's true. Personal growth is a journey that requires change. It's not for the faint of heart, but if you're willing, it is the most rewarding trek you will ever take. I've been at it for years and I feel like I've only scratched the surface. The more I learn, the more excited though I get for the new adventure. So if you're interested, we can actually walk this together. There's no need to buck the status quo on your own, especially if you have some values or beliefs you feel like you need to change. Nothing you discover will make you good or bad. It's what you do with that information that matters. My books are open. I have both group and one-on-one spots available. Let's get curious about our own unique beauty together. All my contact information is in the show notes. Alrighty then. Until next time. Hey, thanks for spending your precious time with us today. If you love this podcast and find it to be uplifting and helpful, follow us or subscribe, then please take a moment and leave a review in one of those amazing five-star ratings. You can also snap a screenshot right where you listen, share it to social media, and tag me. This helps others find us and will have an even bigger impact. If you're curious what it would be like to work more closely with me, or to step up as an unconventional leader yourself, schedule a free discovery session and we'll chat. But maybe you're an entrepreneur looking for a support team. I'd like to personally invite you into my collaborative community, Launch from the Beach. It could be just what you're looking for. All of my contact information and all the links are included in the show notes. And don't forget you can always connect with other intentional optimists in our Facebook community. You can follow my Facebook or Instagram page or even connect with me on LinkedIn. Additionally, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, Optimistic Living. It's good stuff delivered straight to your inbox on a not so strict schedule, but always from the heart. Remember, unconventional leaders lead at every level, in any area, using their unique gifts. And you, my friend, are a leader. You are the future of leadership and the role models for future generations. Until next time.
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