Something shifted. You can feel it. You just can't name it yet.
Stand Tall & Own It is for women in the second half of life who are high-functioning on the outside and quietly disoriented on the inside. You built your life inside systems you trusted completely — until you realized you couldn't tell what was actually yours from what you'd just learned to navigate well.
Host Andrea Johnson doesn't offer formulas. She offers honest thinking, sharp observation, and the kind of conversation that makes you pull over and sit in your driveway.
1 BIG IDEA Boundaries are not rejection—they are leadership. Setting and holding clear boundaries protects your energy, builds trust, and models integrity. For purpose-driven women, boundaries are not about being mean or difficult; they are about leading with clarity, courage, and care.
3 WAYS TO APPLY THIS
Protect your energy: Identify one place where overextending is costing you and draw a line.
Model healthy leadership: Communicate boundaries clearly so your team feels safe to do the same.
Anchor in Core Values: Use your values as the blueprint for when and where to set limits.
3 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Where in my leadership role am I currently stretched too thin?
Which Core Value is being dishonored when I fail to hold a boundary?
How can I communicate my boundary with clarity and care, rather than apology?
Live2Lead 2025 — Thrive in ’25 Join Andrea LIVE in Virginia this October to recharge, refocus, and rise. Two events designed for purpose-driven leaders who want conviction, courage, and clarity in their leadership.
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You're listening to Stand Tall and Own It, the podcast for high-performing female leaders who are ready to make an impact by discovering the safety that comes from understanding their own values and exercising their own authority. I'm your host, Andrea Johnson, and I'm here to tell you it is time to just truly be you, my strong friend. It's time to stand tall and own it. Hi there and welcome to Stand Tall and Own It, the podcast where purpose-driven women learn to lead with authenticity and impact. I'm your host, Andrea Johnson, The Intentional Optimist, and I've designed the last four months of the year in this podcast as a leadership transformation cycle. It's a rhythm that takes you from grounding in the foundations of who you are, which we did in September, to activating your leadership voice in October and inviting others into your influence in November, and finally wrapping it all up in December by integrating everything so that you can recommit with strength for whatever comes next in 2026. So this month we are in the activation phase of this transformation cycle. And if foundation was about anchoring into who you are, activation is about putting all of that into practice. It's where clarity becomes courage and conviction becomes action. It's speaking and leading boldly without apology. And today's conversation is a perfect example. Because one of the boldest actions that you can take as a leader is to set some boundaries and hold on to them. Now, I know the moment we start talking about boundaries, it can feel heavy, especially for women. We're often conditioned to believe that boundaries make us difficult, unkind, or even mean. But boundaries aren't rejection. They're leadership. Brene Brown says it this way: Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others. That is so powerful. Boundaries aren't about keeping people out. They are about protecting what matters most: your time, your energy, your team, and your core values. Boundaries say this is how I can show up at my best, and this is what you can count on from me. You know how much security that gives people? If we put this into context, because as this episode airs, we are one week away from Live to Lead Charlottesville, Charlottesville. And if you've already secured your seat, you know this is your moment to refuel, reconnect, and recommit to leading with courage. And if you haven't yet, my friend, you're not too late. You've there's still time to get tickets. And one of the biggest takeaways from that room is the permission to lead boldly, to draw those lines, to honor your values, and to model healthy, impactful leadership. So in today's episode, we're going to explore how to lead with boundaries in a way that doesn't feel mean or dismissive, but instead models clarity, care, and conviction. And I want to start with the big misconception that boundaries equal rejection, right? That boundaries are out here, your hands are out, you're drawing a circle around yourself, or whatever it is, right? For so many female leaders, the idea of setting a boundary comes with this internal cringe, doesn't it? We worry we're going to look cold, selfish, or even mean. And it's not an accident that we feel that way. Think about the messages that we've absorbed. Things like, be nice. And I had to say it with the same tone that I always heard it, be nice. Like preemptively, be nice. Don't disappoint anyone, right? Just I just don't want to disappoint anybody. And always be available, always be helpful, always be agreeable. That is the good girl narrative. It tells us that leadership means being endlessly accommodating, whether it's our team, our clients, our boss, or even our family. So when we do try to set a limit, that old narrative whispers, hey, careful, you're being mean. People aren't gonna like you. You might lose influence or worse your job. And of course, there's the workplace layer as well. Many organizations unintentionally reward overwork and punish rest. Leaders who answer emails at midnight are called dedicated, while leaders who set limits are sometimes labeled difficult or slackers. It's no wonder women in leadership hesitate to hold boundaries. We've been told in a thousand subtle ways that constant availability is the only way to be taken seriously and to succeed. But here's the truth boundaries aren't walls. They're not built to shut people out. They are more like doors with good, healthy frames. Think about it, like a door without a frame doesn't function. It falls over, it doesn't hold its shape, it doesn't protect anything. The frame might give it structure, clarity, and strength. Your boundaries do the same thing for your leadership. They create clear entry points for how people can engage with you. They define what's healthy, what's sustainable, and what's fair. Somebody comes to my front door and they come up the front steps of my house. Unless they live here, they don't walk in the door. It's shut. If that door wasn't on a frame, they might lean in and go, hello, because we've been trained to see a doorway as a boundary. And when people come up to my door and knock on it, they don't see that boundary as a rejection. They see it as direction. And that's what boundaries are. They're an invitation into relationship that is healthier, clearer, and more sustainable. Here's the kicker though. When you lead without boundaries, you actually create more confusion and chaos, not less. Your team doesn't know what's expected. Your clients don't know what's too much. Your family doesn't know where the line is between your work and your rest. And when people don't know, they either pull back in frustration or they push harder against you, and neither one is healthy. So yes, boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first, but they're anything but mean. They're actually the most caring, responsible thing that you can do as a leader. So if boundaries aren't rejection, what are they? They're actually one of the strongest ways to demonstrate leadership. First, your boundaries protect your energy and your people. If your energy is depleted, your team pays the price. When you keep saying yes, even when you're running on empty, you're not actually being generous. You're just being reckless. Because eventually you're gonna burn out and everyone around you feels the fallout. Think of it like this: a leader who never rests, never says no, never draws a line becomes unpredictable. And unpredictable leadership creates instability for the whole team. Your people don't know which version of you is going to walk into the room that day. The calm present leader or the exhausted, irritable one. So setting a boundary protects not just you, but them. It ensures that when you do show up, you can show up with clarity, presence, and capacity. Second, boundaries model healthy leadership. Your team, your colleagues, your family, they're all watching you. And whether you intend it or not, you're teaching them what leadership looks like. Think about this with your kids. If you consistently answer emails at midnight, you're teaching your team that constant availability is the expectation. If you never take a vacation, you're teaching them that rest is a weakness. But when you say and you set a clear boundary, you say, here's when I'm available and here's what I'm not, you give them permission to do the same. Leadership isn't just about what you say, it's about what you model. And boundaries are one of the clearest and best models that you can give. And third, boundaries build trust and clarity. This is one of my favorite truths, also from Renee Brown. You can tell she I'm a little bit of a fan. She says, clear is kind and vague is cruel. Do you catch that? When you're clear, that's a kindness. But when you're vague, that's a cruelty. When you're vague about what's okay and what's not okay, you leave people guessing. And guessing breeds anxiety. Boy, if anybody knows that, it's me. When when I don't have a result, if I don't have a, if I don't know exactly what's coming, or if I don't know what is expected of me, I am, my anxiety goes through the roof. And when you're clear though, when you communicate your boundaries, your expectations with care and conviction, you actually reduce anxiety. You create safety, you build trust. Now it might feel hard in the moment because yeah, somebody might be disappointed. But disappointment fades. Betrayal of trust does not. And when you fail to hold a boundary, people eventually stop trusting that you'll follow through on anything else. So clarity, even when it's hard, is always kinder than vagueness. Now, let me ask you this. Where do your boundaries come from? How do you pick them? Because your boundaries aren't arbitrary. They're not random rules that you make up on the spot, and they're rooted in what matters most to you. You see, when you know your core values, your true non-negotiables, boundaries begin to flow naturally. If your core value is respect, then a boundary might sound like, hey, let's pay attention to how we address each other. If your core value is excellence, then a boundary could be we don't cut corners even if it means slowing down. But if your core value is curiosity, then a boundary might be we ask questions here, even if the answers make us uncomfortable. Your values act like the blueprint. Boundaries are how you bring that blueprint to life. They're the lines that say, this is who I am, and this is how we will work together. And the key, without boundaries, your values won't hold. They will get trampled on by urgency, by other people's agendas, by systems that don't care about your health or your integrity. Never mind the fact that you're the one allowing that to happen. So when you hold a boundary, you're not being mean. You're living your values out loud. You're protecting your people, protecting yourself, and modeling leadership that others can actually trust. So let's take this a step further into the framework of intentional optimism because boundaries aren't just about what you say no to, they're about how you embody certain qualities of being, let's say, courageous, wise, and intentional leadership. So there are six tenets of intentional optimism, but today we're just going to look at three. First, we're going to look at how boundaries help you live out the tenet of being courageous. It takes real bravery to hold a line that others don't like. Boundaries ask you to risk disappointing people, and that's not easy. But courage isn't necessarily about pleasing anybody. It's about doing what honors your values, even if others don't understand right away. When you say, I won't sacrifice my health to meet an unrealistic deadline, or this is the time I've set aside for strategic work, and I'm not available for meetings then. You're modeling a kind of boldness that frees others to be brave too. Boundaries in this sense act as are acts of leadership courage. Another one we'll look at is wise. This is the tenet of wisdom. Healthy respect, which is a big part of that tenet, for yourself and for others, requires boundaries. Wisdom sees what's on the surface and what's below the surface. It recognizes that without limits, relationships fray. Trust erodes and burnout spreads. A wise leader says, here's the limit, not to shut you down, but to ensure both of us can thrive. Boundaries framed through wisdom become less about defense and more about stewardship, stewarding your time, your energy, your team's well-being so that everyone can bring their best. The third tenet we'll look at in this framework today is the tenet of intentional. Boundaries are about leading on purpose, not from reaction. They are about being proactive. When you don't set boundaries, you end up responding to everyone else's urgency. You're constantly in reactivity mode, email dings, text messages, unexpected demands, unexpected life hacks, right? Intentional leadership by contrast says, I've already chosen how I'm going to show up, and I know where my energy goes. I've decided what matters most. Doesn't mean you don't have to handle those things that happen, but it's you've decided how you're going to act in those moments. Boundaries are the way that you translate those decisions into those daily actions. They let you lead with clarity and steadiness rather than chaos and exhaustion. And here's the bigger truth. Boundaries are not about keeping people out. They're about creating space, space for growth, space for respect, space for trust to deepen. When people know the limits, they also know the possibilities. And that's what makes teams, organizations, and communities all stronger. So let's take this yet one step further. We've talked about the why behind boundaries, how they protect your energy, model healthy leadership, and honor your core values. And we've also seen how they connect to courageous, wise, and intentional leadership as part of intentional optimism. But how do you actually do this? How do you move from theory into practice? Well, it won't surprise you that one of my favorite leadership frameworks is going to come right back into this episode. Recognize, reflect, and respond. When you recognize, you start noticing where boundaries are being crossed. It could be obvious, like someone interrupting you repeatedly in meetings. Or it could be subtle, like the slow creep of work emails into your personal time. Maybe it's communication that feels disrespectful, or workload expectations that aren't sustainable. You can't lead with boundaries if you don't first recognize where they're needed. Next, reflect. Once you've noticed, ask yourself, okay, what value is at stake here? What happens if this continues? This is where your core values serve as that filter that you need. If respect is one of your values, then constant interruptions might be a boundary issue. If excellence is one of your values, then unrealistic deadlines for that that force sloppy work might be an issue. Reflecting keeps you from reacting emotionally and it gives you a grounded, values-based perspective on what's really going on, which then sets you up finally to respond, to communicate clearly, calmly, and kindly. This is where you move from thought into action. A response might sound like, here's what I'm available and here's what I'm not, or I am committed to excellence, which means I can deliver by Friday, but not tomorrow. The goal isn't to defend yourself or overexplain. It's simply to state the boundary with clarity and care. And remember, remember Brene Brown's wisdom here? To be clear is better. Clear is kind. When you recognize, reflect, and respond, you're not just drawing lines in the sand. You're no longer saying talk to the hand. You're leading with discernment, courage, and intention. And over time, your team, your colleagues, even your family learn to trust that your yes means yes and your no means no. How wonderful would that feel if that was how we were treated by others when they could trust us for those things, wonderful for them and wonderful for us. So here's where we move from ideas into action, right? Activation means speaking and leading with conviction. Okay, let me give you one practical example. I've been working on a project with a local university, and different pieces of the project went smoothly, and other pieces of it didn't go quite so smoothly. But what happened was we ended up extending the deadlines and extending the project timeline in a way that benefits the one team that needed a little bit more time. But the team that I was on needed to either have a new contract or to have uh to have our stuff complete. And I finally had to say, I'm happy to continue, but I need a new contract. That's having healthy, values-driven leadership. And of course, it was highly respected, and it was an automatic yes. And you know, those are the kinds of things that we have to say. It's hard when I say, well, when for me, I would much rather say, Oh, no, no, no, I got you. I'll help finish this out, no big deal. But it's like, no, I delivered my deliverables. But if you need me on this other to help finish out as a voice of um a feedback voice going through the end of this project, then I, you know, we have to do a new contract. And my team leader was like, Of course we have to do a new contract. You know, it's like the boundaries I had already set, and being in that environment showed me that I could actually state that well, but that's what I want for you. So this week, pick one area where you need a clearer boundary, define it, and then communicate it with clarity and care. It doesn't have to be perfect and it doesn't have to be huge, doesn't have to be a new contract. It could, it might even just be like, can you please not call during these hours? My entire extended family goes to has goes to a church where they have multiple worship services. And on Sundays, they will go to an early service and then they will start texting family text stuff during the 11 o'clock hour, which is when my husband is actually preaching from the pulpit. And we've had to turn off all of our stuff because both of our phones would ding in the middle of a church service. And so we've had to say, hey, remember, we we only have an 11 o'clock service, so please don't text us during that time. But it does have to be intentional. So it may be something small like that. But to help you think about where to start, here's three questions that you can ask yourself. First, where in your leadership role are you currently stretched too thin? Where is it? What is like constantly being like, stretched? Oh, I don't know how to sure. And then ask yourself, which core value is being dishonored when you fail to hold that boundary? Which core value is being dishonored when you fail to hold that boundary, whatever it is? And then ask yourself how you could possibly communicate that boundary with clarity and care rather than apology, right? You don't want to go to somebody and say, hey, I know that like, for instance, with my family, I know that you guys are done with church, but I'm really sorry. Could you not text during 11 o'clock? No, it's like, hey, we're still in church, remember. You know, it's like we're still here, and it's a quiet place, so we have to turn our phones like on silent mode in order to not have that ding throughout the entire sanctuary, right? How do you communicate it with clarity and care rather than apology? Because boundaries are leadership, not rejection. They clarify expectations, protect your energy, and model integrity. Setting a boundary is not selfish or mean. It is one of the boldest acts of love that you can offer yourself and the people you lead. When you stand firm in your values and communicate them with clarity, you're creating such space, such beautiful space for everyone around you to flourish. And if you're ready to take this reflection even deeper, beyond just one moment of insight, I have a few ways to support you. First, start with the Core Values Blueprint. It's free, it's practical, and it will help you get anchored in who you are and how you lead. Next, if you're craving real change and how to lead day to day, you can join me in my Core Values Coaching program. This is where I pair personal coaching with the self-paced course that you've um that you can also purchase separately. But doing this together, it's like you go through the course and then I walk you through this work together. But if you're local to Virginia or ready to for a great leadership experience that shifts how you think, work, and grow, and you want to join us here in Central Virginia, please do for Thrive in 25, live to lead Charlottesville or Lynchburg in October. Tickets are on sale now, and this year's event is designed to help you turn your results into legacy with speakers and strategies that fuel sustainable leadership. All those links are in the show notes. Grab what you need and let's keep this momentum going. Now, next week, we're gonna take this activation a little bit further and we're gonna talk about what it means to lead out loud, reclaiming your voice in a world that told you to shrink, told you to be quiet, just like they did me. You're gonna hear why your voice is not too much and why using it, shaky or not, is the very thing your leadership needs. But for now, stand tall, lead like you mean it, and remember this: clear boundaries are an act of courageous love. Until next time, we're gonna be able to do that.
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