Caring about men and boys. In this penultimate episode I share the contributions of three more MP’s in a section of the debate which had a more emotional flavour than the rest with two of the MP’s speaking in a clearly moved and heartfelt way, talking from their own personal experiences. Some new men’s issues emerge and some more statistics on issues that have been discussed in previous episodes. And there’s a very practical suggestion from Dean Russel if you think someone you know is struggling with their mental health. And of course, there’s the ‘Good Guy of the Week’ who is Brandon Woolfe, a Brooklyn-based performance artist and English professor; he has been concerned about the stress that the coronavirus pandemic had placed on New Yorkers and uses his skills to help people feel better connected in these isolating Covid-19 times.
Caring about men and boys. In this penultimate episode I share the contributions of three more MP’s in a section of the debate which had a more emotional flavour than the rest with two of the MP’s speaking in a clearly moved and heartfelt way, talking from their own personal experiences. Some new men’s issues emerge and some more statistics on issues that have been discussed in previous episodes. And there’s a very practical suggestion from Dean Russel if you think someone you know is struggling with their mental health. And of course, there’s the ‘Good Guy of the Week’ who is Brandon Woolfe, a Brooklyn-based performance artist and English professor; he has been concerned about the stress that the coronavirus pandemic had placed on New Yorkers and uses his skills to help people feel better connected in these isolating Covid-19 times.
MP, Ben Bradleys’s International Men’s Day Speech: Working Class Boys at the Bottom of the Pile. Part 4
In this penultimate episode, reporting on this important, mostly annual, parliamentary debate I’ll be looking at the contributions of three more MP’s. This section of the debate had a more emotional flavour than the rest with two of the MP’s speaking in a clearly moved and heartfelt way, talking from their own personal experiences.
The next speaker that I am going to talk about is James Sunderland, Conservative MP for Bracknell.
He told us that International Men’s Day has been an annual occurrence since 2010, he said too that the UK hosts more events of its kind than anywhere else in the world. It is overseen he said, by the Men and Boys Coalition, in a future episode I will be talking about the Men and Boys Coalition, who describe themselves as ‘a registered charity, including over 100 organisations, academics and professionals who believe in a society that values the wellbeing of men and boys’.
James talked about the challenges faced by men and boys
· at all stages of education
· their shorter life expectancies
· death in the workplace
· and infertility. I hadn’t come across this particular inequality before, inequality in terms of the quality and quantity of treatment that men with fertility problems receive. I did some cursory research which uncovered seriously decreasing sperm rates in men since the 1950’s, with little or no explanation, and that there is only one clinic in the UK licenced by the HFEA, the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority that’s devoted to male reproductive health. This seems an important subject and I’m committing to researching it further and to discussing it in future podcasts.
The MP went on to emphasise the challenges faced by the most marginalised men in society which he identified as,
· homeless boys in care
· those in the inner cities
· black and white working-class males
· male victims of violence
· male survivors of sexual abuse, rape and domestic abuse and
· men as parents.
James also said that in this era of identity politics, it’s becoming increasingly popular to ridicule men who display traits of traditional masculinity such as self-reliance, personal responsibility, discipline and courage—and even to ridicule fatherhood. He discussed how, from his perspective, the UK prides itself on being among the top meritocracies in the world, that equality of opportunity is something we absolutely must strive for, for black and white, gay and straight, male and female; he emphasised that everyone has a role, and no one should feel ashamed of who they are; that it is not about men as a comparative species, but about simply drawing attention to the particular issues that affect men.
He repeated some education and mental health statistics that were covered by earlier speakers and have been included in previous podcasts, but a statistic that was unique to his speech was that boys were permanently excluded from school more than three times as often as girls, with 6,000 permanent exclusions in 2018. He believes much of this is down to ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and to ASD, autism spectrum disorder, which is an issue he said that we need to look very closely at.
Next to speak was Dean Russell, another Conservative MP, for Watford.
Amongst other topics which had previously been addressed he spoke about how he perceives that the social media narrative engages in, often divisive debate around men and masculinity; and stated his belief that we can’t heal divisions by being divisive; that we can’t tackle hatred by being hateful; and we can’t show our strength only by belittling those who show weakness. He advocated for taking this debate into wider society in order to consider how to tackle these big challenges.
We need to listen to each other, he said; and that from his encounters with social media, the web and corporate media, he feels as if we are in a world full of people shouting and wonders, who are those who are listening? He went on to say, let us all listen to what people are saying, let us not consider men to be the enemy; to understand that we are all different and an important part of the fabric of society.
He had lost a best male friend to suicide and was clearly moved and speaking from his heart when he said ‘to anyone struggling right now, thinking the worst thoughts, remember that you are unique; that you are one in 7 billion on this planet, and the only version of you. You need to continue your story. You need to be here for one more day; just give it another few minutes, another hour. Just give yourself a bit more time to find out why you’re really here. The power of your story, and of your overcoming it, will make a difference to others and to those around you and, by God, it will make a difference to your family and friends. If you are not here tomorrow, if you cannot share the stories of the difficult times as well as the joyful times, we will all feel the lack because of that.
He had a very practical suggestion for us. He encouraged us to ask the question, “are you really okay?” And to ask the question more than once. That a second or third asking might just offer the person a chance to open up in a way that they never had before. He sincerely hoped that ‘we might change someone’s life today’; and that if, off the back of today, we stop just one person from committing suicide, that will have made this debate worthwhile.
David Linden, for the Scottish National Party, member for Glasgow East spoke next.
He firstly thanked the previous speaker for his thoughtful speech and said that ever since Dean Russell had arrived in the House, he had considered him an incredibly thoughtful person, and that his speech today had typified that.
Next, he welcomed his honourable Friend the Member for Warrington North, Charlotte Nichols, the only Labour member who spoke, and who was making her debut speech in this debate and who was following immediately after him. Charlotte’s contribution will be included in the fifth and final part next week.
He discussed how Covid-19 had impacted everyone’s mental health, noting that many of his constituents were facing insecurity about their employment and financial hardship alongside having to deal with restrictions on seeing loved ones. He worried about the impact of continuing lockdown restrictions; he said, especially as we are now heading towards the winter months, full of colder days and darker evenings. He too repeated statistics that others before him had presented but his unique contributions were that men
· are nearly three times more likely than women to become alcohol dependent
· and much less likely to access psychological therapies than women; this has been said earlier but he added a statistic that only 36% of referrals to psychological therapies are for men.
He described how from personal experience he knew that conversations about mental health could be tough, sensitive, private and awkward, but that they are so important especially at the moment as with further restrictions and lockdowns, we are all more isolated than ever. He drew our attention to a survey in April that showed one in four UK adults were experiencing feelings of loneliness, compared to just one in ten before the pandemic. Young people aged between 18 and 24 were the most likely to be experiencing loneliness since lockdown; indeed, before lockdown one in six said that they felt lonely. Since lockdown, young people are almost three times more likely to experience loneliness, with almost half of them feeling that way. At a time when more of us are feeling isolated and lonely, he encouraged us to reach out to loved ones and that a simple text, phone call or FaceTime could make a world of difference.
He introduced more new statistics to the debate saying that in a 2016 survey conducted by the Men’s Health Forum, 34% of men were found to be ashamed to take time off work for mental health concerns, compared with 13% feeling ashamed for a physical injury. 38% of men were concerned that their employer would think badly of them if they took time off work for a mental health concern, compared with 26% being concerned about taking time off for a physical injury.
David Linden ended his contribution by saying that ‘it is important that men come together and support one another and that that is why he is such a passionate supporter of Men’s Sheds, as well as the Menself group in his Glasgow East constituency, led by Jim Malcolmson. Speaking as a man, he felt it important to encourage men to acknowledge the impact on our mental health that the stressors inherent in this unprecedented public health crisis will naturally have. Whether due to a loss of employment, financial insecurity or missing our loved ones, I think we would all agree that this is a very tough time for everyone. My message to everyone, not just to men but men in particular, is please reach out to your loved ones. Let them know that you are always there to listen and take care of one another, because this too will pass.
That’s all for now until the final part, part 5 next time. And now it’s time for, Good guy of the week…
A recent posting in Good News Network told us about a Brooklyn-based performance artist and English professor, Brandon Woolf, who was concerned about the stress that the coronavirus pandemic had placed on New Yorkers.
He was thinking about how people had lost jobs and businesses and had given up simple pleasures like hugs with loved ones; he began to wonder how, under the very restrictive circumstances, he could help people to deal with their grief or to make stronger connections with one another.
Brandon came up with the idea of bringing performance into the public space
and reviving the letter-writing tradition, particularly the tradition of sending condolence letters, as a means for people to reach out and comfort one another. His particular letter writing performance involved him positioning himself on a folding chair at a table with a vintage Royal portable typewriter alongside a mailbox on the corner of Fourth Street and Prospect Park West with a sign that said, ‘Free Letters for Friends Feeling Blue’; his station is called “The Console”—which is a clever play on two words, one sounding like a work station and the other short for consolation.
Brandon provided paper, envelopes and stamps and invited people to sit near him and work out with him what they wanted to say to their loved one. For example, he has taken dictation from grandchildren, 8 year old Quentin for a letter to his Nanna and 6 year old Cole for a letter to his grandpa and a mother used Woolf to write a letter to her son who is serving in the military.
Brandon said he said he gets at least one taker every time he’s at the mailbox, and sometimes there has been a socially distanced queue. He estimated that he had written more than 50 letters, each of them unique. What a lovely service Brandon Woolfe!