JAMPACKED

COMING OUT w/ The Coming Out Coaches: Vanessa & Lucie

January 06, 2021 JAMPACKED Episode 62
JAMPACKED
COMING OUT w/ The Coming Out Coaches: Vanessa & Lucie
Chapters
JAMPACKED
COMING OUT w/ The Coming Out Coaches: Vanessa & Lucie
Jan 06, 2021 Episode 62
JAMPACKED

EPISODE 62.

VANESSA & LUCIE [The Coming Out Coaches] joins via Zoom from Switzerland to talk why using LGBTQIAS+ is important to them, what self care means, living with multiple sclerosis, and their coming out stories.  We play COUPLE’S TRIVIA & STORYTIME with Champagne, Apple Juice & Tea!

WATCH INTERVIEW: https://youtu.be/NRJSyzJRhPc
BLOG: https://www.jampackedshow.com/post/coming-out

=====

ABOUT:
They are Lucie and Vanessa - The Coming Out Coaches.  They support through one on one or group coaching LGBTQIAS+ individuals and people in their close environment to live a happy and fulfilling life by being true to themselves.  They are a couple, Lucie (40, Greece, certified life coach) and Vanessa (41, Germany, certified body coach - sports and nutrition). They aim to help you make small changes in your current behaviors or mindset that do not support you move forward to be the person you want to be and live the life you want to live.
To achieve that, they focus on two main things:

  1. Increase your self-care in every aspect and at all levels, mental and physical approach. Self-care leads to additional self-love and self-appreciation, and that is the solution to minimize the negative underlying stories forbidding us to move forward. We believe that if you love yourself truly, you can only wish and do the best for yourself and anyone around you, allowing you to fulfill your dreams and live a life by being happy.
  2. Have a daily open communication with yourself and with the people around you. By expressing yourself in a considerate way, you allow yourself to be seen, to be heard, to be appreciated, to be understood. We believe that to make this world a better place and our life be full of happiness and fulfillment, we have to talk and share what we desire in life, putting aside what we think anyone else will think about our choices. This is our life, our happiness, and our approval must come first, cause it's not about you, it's about me. And once I am happy with myself, then I will be able to share with you the best of me. It's a win-win situation!

Additionally to The Coming Out Coaches project, Lucie has been living with Multiple Sclerosis since 2002. She is inspiring people on how to approach your everyday challenges in a different way allowing you to have a beautiful life accomplishing your goals and dreams despite having MS. 

@thecomingoutcoaches
@luciezurich 
@vihealthcoach

https://thecomingoutcoaches.com
https://mslifecoach.com
https://www.facebook.com/thecomingoutcoaches/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/lgbtqiastars/

@JAMPACKEDSHOW
WWW.JAMPACKEDSHOW.COM
JAMPACKED PHONE LINE#: 818-514-5830


Show Notes Transcript

EPISODE 62.

VANESSA & LUCIE [The Coming Out Coaches] joins via Zoom from Switzerland to talk why using LGBTQIAS+ is important to them, what self care means, living with multiple sclerosis, and their coming out stories.  We play COUPLE’S TRIVIA & STORYTIME with Champagne, Apple Juice & Tea!

WATCH INTERVIEW: https://youtu.be/NRJSyzJRhPc
BLOG: https://www.jampackedshow.com/post/coming-out

=====

ABOUT:
They are Lucie and Vanessa - The Coming Out Coaches.  They support through one on one or group coaching LGBTQIAS+ individuals and people in their close environment to live a happy and fulfilling life by being true to themselves.  They are a couple, Lucie (40, Greece, certified life coach) and Vanessa (41, Germany, certified body coach - sports and nutrition). They aim to help you make small changes in your current behaviors or mindset that do not support you move forward to be the person you want to be and live the life you want to live.
To achieve that, they focus on two main things:

  1. Increase your self-care in every aspect and at all levels, mental and physical approach. Self-care leads to additional self-love and self-appreciation, and that is the solution to minimize the negative underlying stories forbidding us to move forward. We believe that if you love yourself truly, you can only wish and do the best for yourself and anyone around you, allowing you to fulfill your dreams and live a life by being happy.
  2. Have a daily open communication with yourself and with the people around you. By expressing yourself in a considerate way, you allow yourself to be seen, to be heard, to be appreciated, to be understood. We believe that to make this world a better place and our life be full of happiness and fulfillment, we have to talk and share what we desire in life, putting aside what we think anyone else will think about our choices. This is our life, our happiness, and our approval must come first, cause it's not about you, it's about me. And once I am happy with myself, then I will be able to share with you the best of me. It's a win-win situation!

Additionally to The Coming Out Coaches project, Lucie has been living with Multiple Sclerosis since 2002. She is inspiring people on how to approach your everyday challenges in a different way allowing you to have a beautiful life accomplishing your goals and dreams despite having MS. 

@thecomingoutcoaches
@luciezurich 
@vihealthcoach

https://thecomingoutcoaches.com
https://mslifecoach.com
https://www.facebook.com/thecomingoutcoaches/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/lgbtqiastars/

@JAMPACKEDSHOW
WWW.JAMPACKEDSHOW.COM
JAMPACKED PHONE LINE#: 818-514-5830


Jampacked:

You're listening to JAMPACKED

Unknown:

105 point nine k jam.

Queen Kandi Cole:

A hi tequila. Hi Jameela. I can see ya in my sunglasses. Nice to meet you. I'm on jam pack. That shit is man stack. I'm trying to see if I can come and get right back.

Vanessa:

You're gonna come my way. Okay,

Unknown:

you say you're gonna come away. Put them in a mango.

Jampacked:

Right. Welcome to JAMPACKED. I am your host, Jameela. Happy New Year, y'all Happy New Year. Indeed. Man, it's, it's a blessing to be able to say that we made it to 2021 a lot of folks did not make it. There were many that did not make it. According to the USA Today, they say that more than 3 million people died in 2020, which is the deadliest year in US history. So when I'm celebrating, and I'm happy to be here, it is a Happy New Year indeed. Because we made it We made it to see 2021 and it's not to be taken loosely or lightly. We have to stand up. It's time. We had this whole time in quarantine, to step our shit up to step our game up. We owe it to the folks that we lost to rise up and to do our thing and to stop pussy footin. Step into your light step into your greatness. That's some real shit right there. But man, like Happy New Year, indeed. Happy New Year indeed. I hate to be all deep and in my feelings and whatnot. And I'm just gonna say that this is a blessing. This is a blessing to see 2021 indeed, a lot of folks have have passed away have died to Coronavirus to COVID. So we've got to do this for them. We've got to do this for folks that didn't pass away due to COVID. But it's our turn. It's our obligation. We woke up, it's our turn to make a difference out here. And I hate to sound like extra cheesy with it, but the time is now we've been recharging and getting our shit right for all of 2020 and now it's time to do the damn thing and 2021 and that means stepping into your light stepping into your greatness and feeling who and feeling yourself that self love that self care. Oh man, my brain is going in so many different directions. But that also leads me to you know leading up to the end of the New Year. You know, the wife and I we were looking for some some good old gay weddings. Some good old gay like not gay weddings, we love looking at gay wedding pictures By the way, so if you ever have them feel free to send them to us. And because it's such a beautiful thing and we've come so far away for come so far but we still have many more steps to take for the entire community. But we love looking for like Christmas movies. As you know especially gay one so and she actually found some gay movies that we could watch for the holiday season. And so I don't know if y'all have watched this but we watched the movie on Netflix and it's called a New York Christmas Wedding. That movie is so good. Whether you are a part of the LGBTQ plus community or just if you just like watching a good come to life come to who you are type of story. You know the type of story where the the coming of who you are meant to be stepping into your light. That is the movie and I think the wife and I ended watch it we watched that movie we ended up crying It was such a beautiful movie. So if you haven't watched it it's about this woman as her wedding nears a bride to be is visited by an angel who who reveals that what could have been if she'd follow feelings for her childhood best friend. Which is a girl. Listen y'all the deepness, the depth of This whole thing is it meant so much because it's it without really giving too much away it is an LGBTQ plus movie, like I said. So spoiler kind of alert. There's a woman involved with her feelings. So we'll leave it at that but to see that coming out process for the character really brought a lot of things to light and well and a lot of discussions to have with the wife about our coming out stories and the you know, how they were and how people reacted and how things change and how they reflect to our life to this day. So it's a really powerful movie very beautiful movie. Directed by Otoja Abit. I don't know if I butchered that. And normally, I actually will spell I will check the actual pronunciation of How to Pronounce somebody's name. But I was so excited I needed to make sure I recorded this while it was this was fresh on my heart. So again, great movie on Netflix, check that shit out and let me know what you think because it's such an amazing beautiful movie. Also, it made me think about because I also like to... shifting gears as the new year is here now leading up to that I had heard you like on sways morning show? What are your three milestone moments this year? Like they were talking about it? And I was like damn well what are mine? What would mine be? Because 2020 was the longest weirdest most curveball earliest inspiring just depressing Yes. And yes yet in anxious yet all of these feelings type of year what could have possibly been my actual milestones. So as we go into this new year to know what your past goals where they help your current goals, I said that sentence completely wrong, it was really off the top of my head, I'm not reading it, I promise. But my three milestones that I came up were with that I got married, that I relaunched Jampacked justing to this whole pandemic world donta were here and then that I felt like I've found my voice a little bit more creatively with the creative juices and as well as applied to grad school to hone in on my niche and voice and giving more of myself to you all. So then I like so next week hopefully I'll have some other milestones or some goal milestones I should say that I would like to have for this year. I've already started like working on my vision board with the wife. And so that got my brain working but I almost wanted to make sure that we kept all of ourselves accountable, which I think is the most important part is keeping one another accountable and loving and supportive. As much as possible. Without without offending your self love. So we go pin a pin in that and then speaking of but no we don't put a pin we go put a pin in that for sure. self love is so important. It is so so important. We have the coming out coaches Vanessa and Lucy they join us all the way from Lucerne Switzerland. They are nine hours ahead so 8am to like 11pm you can see who probably had a little bit more energy but there but you know we funny enough. Nighttime is probably more my time ish as long as I have some coffee. And then morning time is actually more like have a better time for them. So we we had a great conversation. Hopefully I didn't sound too sluggish. But make sure you stay tuned. The coming out coaches we talking about everything we talked about the coming out process, they're coming out process, how they support the coming out process for you. If you're thinking about coming out or you're not sure or even if you've already come out. They also sit and help you as well as your family. Work through housing. How Your family could be the best ally for you if they want to be in your life and be supportive and be loving and setting those boundaries of self love. I know and before long I was hitting we'll be back with a

Miki Vale:

traveler cow God take me away from Babylon. Like grains of sand in the hourglass. These are the days everything I've been through. Life is crazy man. I'm a shake her. Everything I've been through.

Jampacked:

And welcome back to Jampacked. Now we have a very special special treat. They are the coming out coaches and they're also a couple. They joined journeys to become the coming up coaches and their mission is to support LGBTQIAS+ folks, couples and throuples to live a life by being true to themselves with their holistic approach connecting the mind body and soul. their clients overcome limiting beliefs holding them back from living a happy and fulfilling life every day all day. They provide support through one-on-one or group coaching. They believe that behind each happy person, happy couple Happy throuple Happy Family Happy Friendship or happy society are individuals that are living a fulfilling and joyful life by being true to themselves. So throughout their lives, they've had beautiful and fruitful moments as well as critical challenges that shaped who they are today, including one of them that lives with multiple sclerosis, with their personalities and passions, they will support you to become the individual you always want it to be. And they aim to help you make small changes in your current behaviors or mindset that do not support that do not support you to move forward to be the person you want to be and live the life that you want to live. So to achieve that they focus on two main things, increase your self care in every aspect and at all levels mental and physical approach. Self Care leads to additional self love and self appreciation. And that is the solution to minimize the negative underlying stories forbidding us from moving forward. So they believe that if you love yourself, truly, you can only wish and do the best for yourself and anyone around you allowing you to fulfill your dreams and live a life by being happy. And then number two, having a daily open communication with yourself and with the people around you by expressing yourself in a considerate way. You allow yourself to be seen to be heard, to be appreciated to be understood. And they believe that to make this world a better place, and your life be full of happiness and fulfillment. They have to they that they have to talk and share what they desire in life, putting aside what they think anyone else will think about your choices. So this is your life, your happiness, and your approval must come first. I love that by the way, because it's not about them. It's about you. And once you're happy with yourself, you then will be able to share with them the best you it's a win win situation. So make sure that you sign up on their website to claim your free guide which I did do gain, which is called gain control over your life, which is a seven step guide to easily conquer overwhelming things in your life. And it's all for free. Let me repeat that it is for free. So make sure you also drop them an email anytime with what your main challenges are to help them in their online live event as well as to join them to get more info to also join in the live event to join For more information, make sure that you slide into their email. So one hails from Greece. And the other is from a small town outside of Munich, Germany. They're joining us from Lucerne Switzerland. Folks I bring to y'all the coming out coaches, Lucie and Vanessa.

Lucie:

Hi Jameela, thank you so much for having us

Jampacked:

I'm so excited and I'm so sorry for screaming so loudly it's eight o'clock in the morning for you both

Lucie:

it's a great opportunity to wake up the whole Switzerland so go ahead and shout.

Jampacked:

I love it. I love it. Now for folks that haven't put that math together. It is nine y'all are nine hours ahead. So it is 11, 11 o'clock la time on and you guys are 8am in the morning. So we're Yeah, and it's a Sunday. Yeah, yeah, that's true that to that too.

Lucie:

And we're very happy that we managed to find the best timeframe time slot for you. It's a bit late, but it's a bit party time. So it's great. For us. It's early morning. So our thoughts are clear. Let's see how we meet in the middle.

Jampacked:

This is gonna be interesting. I had my coffee later in the day instead of this morning to make sure I was, at least as you know, full, fully aware as possible. So we'll see how that's great. Now I'm on to your drink of choice, which is champagne. I know. It's early for y'all. So I'm going to be drinking on behalf of all of us. So we've got the the champagne got the nice bottle of champagne for y'all little Sunday, early Sunday. funday. For you guys are super. Yeah. So for folks that don't know, Lucie is, is French and Greek. And then Vanessa is German. So got a little accent little melting pot of accents. And I love it. So and every now I just want to like speak French though every time that's like, you know, I love that you can you speak French. So that's a pretty, pretty, pretty small sample of Americans. They might tune out a little bit here and there. But well, you know, we'll keep them on their toes. We'll keep them on their toes. For sure, of course. So, um, so today's games that we discussed is we're going to play a little bit of couples trivia and then we're going to do some storytime. So we can kick this off with a little bit of couples trivia. Before I end up giving the answers in my questions, because I'm so excited. You both are the coming out coaches. I wish there was a coming out coach in my life. And there's so many people now that are struggling with coming out. And this is such an incredible thing that you both are doing. So I'm excited to get to that part before you. I know you want to answer I know you want to answer but we're gonna we're gonna. So we'll kick it off. Let's see. So we'll start with with Lucie. Lucie, how old was Vanessa when she came out? At 34? Oh, I have 35 which

Lucie:

is somewhere in between? Because sometimes she says 34 then I get 35. So I'm there.

Vanessa:

Since I got 30 I lost track. I'm confused.

Jampacked:

I understand I get it. I get it.

Vanessa:

I will need to count.

Lucie:

Okay, but it's there. It's around these months. 34 to 35.

Vanessa:

Yeah. Okay. Actually, probably the process started while I was 34 and ended when I was 35.

Lucie:

Ah.

Jampacked:

okay. Nice. Nice. All right, Vanessa, which of Lucie's parents is Greek and which one is French?

Vanessa:

I know this one. So Lucie's father is Greek, and her mother is coming from France, and met in Greece and she grew up in Athens.

Lucie:

Yes.

Vanessa:

In the capital of Greece

Jampacked:

you know, I figured I'd you know, start it, start it, you know, with little Easy, easy questions. We'll see. We'll see. This is all based off of my my my little research, so we'll see how this goes. Lucie. What did Vanessa study in college?

Lucie:

Computer Science.

Jampacked:

Very nice. All right. Let's see. Vanessa. How old was Lucie when she had her first moment with the girl And where was she?

Vanessa:

Oh, so she was in New York. And how old was she? Was it maybe 17? 18? earlier? I don't remember. I just

Jampacked:

Alright, I'll drink for you.

Lucie:

Thank you Jameela, drink

Vanessa:

during 14 years.

Lucie:

19.19

Jampacked:

I have 19, yep. All right. All right. Feeling good about that question. Okay. Let's see, Lucie. How many years was Vanessa single for before realizing that she was looking for her dream woman?

Lucie:

Yeah. So she was on her own for 10 years, where while focusing on doing a lot of physical activities and sports, and this is the moment where she discovered her passion for sports at the same time.

Jampacked:

Okay. All right. I love it. Let's see. Let's see. Vanessa, what country did Lucy live in before becoming an archivist in Switzerland?

Vanessa:

So she had kind of a journey, you know, between Switzerland and Greece, there's this beautiful country of Italy, where she stayed for a year. And then in order to find a job with her then girlfriend, they ended up to be in Switzerland. And this is where her journey continued until today.

Jampacked:

Nice. I love it. It's really good. Um, let's see. Lucie, how many years ago did Vanessa get her PhD?

Lucie:

How many years ago? 2.

Jampacked:

Wasn't it 5?

Lucie:

It was two years ago, August 2018.

Vanessa:

Exactly.

Lucie:

Two years and two months.

Jampacked:

Okay.

Lucie:

Go ahead. Drink was it for five years? It's another topic for the fiber

Vanessa:

or did you mean to start on to end?

Jampacked:

Hmm, that's a great question. I just had how many years ago? So it was really when you got it when you when you received it?

Vanessa:

Exactly.

Lucie:

So when she finished is my right answer when she started was Jameela's right answer.

Jampacked:

teamwork makes the dream work. Okay.

Lucie:

Always Always.

Jampacked:

Okay, let's see. Vanessa. How, let's see. How many years ago did Lucie work as a hairdresser?

Lucie:

How many years ago?

Vanessa:

So that was when she was 20-22. So it's like 20 years ago. 18 years ago? When she stopped

Lucie:

20. Yeah. 20.

Jampacked:

Okay.

Lucie:

And still got the moves. Right?

Jampacked:

I see that. I love it. fresh. Making sure it's all in the shot. I love it.

Vanessa:

With a bit of a bit into why she stopped.

Lucie:

Okay. It's not the fun part.

Vanessa:

She still loves doing it. And obviously, she has a talent and she's not practicing. And so

Lucie:

yeah, it's almost a bit serious. brackets is that it was after that I was diagnosed with MS. And this is why I had to stop.

Jampacked:

Right.

Lucie:

But since life, whatever happens to us is not by chance to look at where it brought me now. I am a person that back then, when I was thinking, you know, just want to survive. I want to cut hair. I'm tired. But it's okay. I can do this. You know, I was thinking so small. And now, despite the difficulties, there is nothing that I cannot do. I Okay, I will maybe I want to climb Everest, but maybe neither do you guys. Will you?

Jampacked:

Right, exactly.

Lucie:

Yeah, but this journey is something that I don't regret. Even if it was difficult. It still made me who I am today. And I'm very grateful for this journey. Absolutely.

Jampacked:

Absolutely. That that actually leads me to my question was, you know, at 22 years old, you you were diagnosed with MS and you lost the ability to walk. And you had to start over slowly to figure out your new life and you tried to find a sustainable solution for your profession. And since you had studied librarian and archives before you were then ready with your new profession, but then Greece was impacted with their financial problems. So it was hard to find a job. And then it took courage to leave your country of Greece to find something better. So you went to Italy, and then found a job in Switzerland as an archivist. And then when everything was settled, you would still go to bed at night feeling like something was missing. And you were feeling not you had it was not feeling fulfilled, you really were just you were not feeling fulfilled. And your gut was telling you there was more. What was the defining moment over the other nights of going to bed feeling like something was missing, to put the plan together to become the coming out coaches?

Lucie:

Well, it was them. Let's say that once I was somehow settled professionally, and so this was not a stress anymore. So you have plenty of space to think other things. So it was the moment I thought, okay, a job is not an issue anymore. I can survive. Now I can, you know, I'm okay. And then once I realize I'm okay, I thought, but that's not enough for me that I'm okay. I want others to be okay. And even more than Okay, so this is the moment I thought this is too shallow. I'm not happy with only myself being fine. I want to find ways to help other people. This is the thing, that it's not enough. It's like a hunger somehow, at first, the stress was to have a job. And then once I had a permanent job that normally nobody would move me from there, except if I did something really bad. But then, yeah, I was thinking, what is this life all about? Just me, myself surviving, and Okay, I have money I can eat, I can leave I can, whatever. And this is the moment I thought I need more than that. But it had to do with the others a lot.

Jampacked:

Yeah, I mean, you both had very different coming out experiences. And Vanessa, when you moved from your small town to Berlin, from a small town to Berlin, where you were single for, you know, about, give or take, you know, when we talked about 10 years thinking about, you know, where's this dream guy until you realize at the age of 34-35 years old, that it was actually a dream woman that you were looking for? How was it coming out to your family and friends around that age?

Vanessa:

Okay, I think two parts, first of all, since I was hiding, so long, even in front of myself, I was really done with hiding, and there was not a question, should I come out or not? My parents, my sisters. So in general, this was already answered immediately, I decided, no, this is who I am now. And I was also feeling proud that I finally found out and then the coming out itself. I mean, my parents are very open, they're just like, we want that you're happy. They love me. And they want that I'm happy. And of course, was known to retrospect, if I understand after 34-35 years. For them, it's also a huge news, it says it makes a difference to them. And of course, I had all this time to process earlier and find out about myself, and then I just pop this information to them. And then their process started the process to realize started at this moment. And I think this is one thing that we should consider that we are more in advance of our parents in our environment. And whatever reactions there are, I mean, never positive. But still, I thought that Yeah, they needed a moment to process the new information. And whenever I came then with a girlfriend or with Lucie, I mean, there weren't that many. It was always an open house. I could travel to my hometown, she met my parents and yeah, they welcome her. It was good.

Jampacked:

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, that's you know, that's that's usually you know, what ends up setting the tone for you know, the coming out process and you know, everybody's coming out process is different and you know, that you hear different stories of family disowning and this and that and, you know, it's it's it's tough to have that courage. To come to your family and say, This is who I am. And I have to be okay with whatever your response is going to be, and being secure within myself. And that goes to a lot of the coaching, right?

Vanessa:

Yeah, I think that's one more thing. If you are like me, in this age, you are already independent. So that makes it on one side a bit easier, since you're not depending anymore on your parents. I even live like 600 kilometers away from them. Okay, for you, that's not a distance. In Germany. That's already more than half of the country.

Jampacked:

Oh, okay. Okay. All right, there we go.

Vanessa:

So just to put the dimensions. Yeah. So on from this perspective, it's easier, probably when you are age, because that's an existential fear. But on the other hand, of course, I also love my parents, and I want to have a good relationship with them. And you always, probably all of us have this fear of this emotional loss that could happen that if this coming out, creates like, a bigger distance, emotionally, and then the relationship. So this part is still there. I think this is probably what most people will expect from doing this.

Jampacked:

Absolutely, absolutely. I know, like for, you know, my particular experience and my wife's experience were somewhat similar, but very different. You know, she didn't speak to her mom for quite some time, and was kicked out of the house and all of that, and then they finally made good. And then, with my coming out experience, I had to, like, I almost tried to plan out how I wanted it to be out there, you know, to share with the world, this is what it is. And, and I remembered saying, it's really a lot easier said than done to just tell the people that, that you love that your family that, you know, they may just turn their back on you and you have to be prepared for that. You know, what are some of the tools that you tell some of your clients, you know, you you have to almost be prepared for in this coming out process that the people that you love, and the people that babysat you, as a child, you know, or have known you, since you were a baby are going to feel differently now.

Lucie:

Now, the thing is, so first of all, whatever we do, let's say I really need to come out. So this is something I do for myself, which means it's taking care of myself, it's a it's a gesture of self love to come out, or else I can I can live trapped. But if I since I decided to do that, which means I show love and compassion to myself to wanting to finally be true to myself, I also have to keep in mind that of course, someone else might not be as prepared. So immediately think that the way you're gonna say it, it needs to still be in a compassionate way. Because the other person, we don't know how they will react. And they won't read, we don't know, because maybe they are due to their own beliefs or different things way of living. This is how they will react to our news. And this is important to know that if someone reacts badly, it's not necessarily because of us. It's the biggest chances is because of themselves. Very often we react badly to something because we didn't allow this freedom to ourselves, because we're always hearing what others are saying what society wants, expects, whatever. So you know, they live like this. And then you come brave, you know, free and you say with your weapon. I'm gay.

Jampacked:

And French way of saying that I'm gay. If you if you're just only listening to this, folks, Watch the YouTube episode. That was a very French moment. And I just had to acknowledge that because I loved it so much. It just reminded me of my French family. So

Lucie:

yeah, but it's true because you're there you for you, you did such a huge step. And of course we are there we will always celebrate the steps. And it's but it's also important to realize where this other person is coming from and the other person can be very close to us and our parents, our nanny, you know, that was there while we grew up, our brother, sisters, neighbors, anybody we don't know because we don't know how they are living their life. They're living under fear and always thinking we shouldn't do this because what someone else would say in fear of losing their love and appreciation, then for sure they won't understand you. They will say, why did Jameela do that, you know, you're shaking the water. Why?

Jampacked:

Yeah. But you know, me personally, I've always just shaken the water. So, you know, after I finally had the courage to just come out after that, I was like, I don't give a fuck, I don't care. I don't care what people think of me, I don't, you know, yes, I try to be nice and try to leave memorable moments because life is short. And, you know, you want people to remember you authentically. But, you know, after I came out, I was like, I don't care what other people think of me they can, they can have their gay jokes or this and that, but I'm still gonna be me. I'm still Jameela, I'm still Jameela at the end of the day. And, you know, earlier in the year, we'll actually funny enough that we're recording this on this day, because a year ago, I proposed to my now wife. And then we ended up getting married this past July in quarantine. So we did that whole thing, but her mom didn't come to the wedding. And it took me personally a few months to kind of mourn that loss for all of us, because I felt bad for her. But for me, if it was my own Mom, I would probably say, I don't really, I don't really, I would be hurt. But at the same time, I don't give a fuck. Because if you don't want to be there for me, and love me for me and be there, you know, really give that unconditional love that you claim to give. I don't want any part in it. But I understand it can be very difficult that it's almost like a light switch off and on of when the love is given and received. And all of this other thing, I was really close with her mom, like she was at my birthday brunch. And then I proposed and then we you know, and she made it very clear, she didn't want any part in it in January. And that was how the year kicked off, which should have been the first inkling of the year being 2020 that it ended up being. But I thought it was so interesting that it's almost this level, this extra level of commitment, then has people changing where they're at, where they stand with these things.

Vanessa:

So this was like beyond the capacities of her mother, right. And I think what you said is really true and what you feel now and how you feel this is actually what we want also that our clients have already when they go in this conversation, for example, with their parents, what is very important, of course, if they have a bad reaction, it will hurt. If you love someone and this person rejects us for whatever reason, it's painful, and this is okay. But what we can do in advance is, as you said, like to be a bit prepared to, to know that you cannot control the outcome, you cannot control the direction of the other person. And they can decide how they feel that they want to decide on whatever reaction and at some point, we need to do this internal work to detach from this, we can't control the situation like a skill set, be compassionate and communicate in a considerate way. But at the end, what the other person is doing is out of our control. So we have to accept this.

Jampacked:

Like you said it's naturally gonna hurt. Sorry, it's gonna delay again.

Vanessa:

Yes, and but this hurt either it would mean that for a while, we need to have a bit more distance. And after a while, there's always the chance that we might approach each other again, and have maybe an even better relationship afterwards. And, of course, then there are also cases where maybe this approaching again, it's never happening. And I mean, yeah, we have to to detach from from this. There are many other families that don't have coming out situation and that have other issues and also are closer or more distant or don't speak at all. So these things are not we cannot take them for granted.

Jampacked:

Yeah, I mean, like you said, it's naturally going to hurt but and you know, that's where your teachings and the work that you both do comes in providing those tools By providing that support, because, you know, like you said, it's it's out of your control, it's how somebody else feels. And it has to just you just have to let it just be in a sense, but it's almost like being in the LGBT queue is plus a community. That's also is, are those are also tools that you're giving the folks in the community to protect almost that energy, right. Yeah,

Lucie:

yeah, you know, this. The thing is that, for instance, the most important thing in all of this, since we, as you said very well, and I totally, I wanted to say it, so you covered me freely about how we don't have a control over other people's reactions or way of thinking or decisions, okay, and this is something else, the only thing we have control over and we have a lot of control over is ourselves. So this is what we focus on. First of all, focus on this person, this amazing person that each of each and every one of us is, and once we are strong and good, and feel that we you know, we are the person we want to be, the only thing we can do is show the others how to do it as well, because the reason why others are reacting badly is because they didn't allow themselves to feel good about who they are. That's why they're reacting like that. They say, I'm trapped, I don't love myself fully, I lived my life through, you know, circumstances that others have guided me through to be like that. I don't want you to do this either. So the only thing what we can do is once we feel good about who we are, try to you know, somehow convince the others to do the same through leading by example, and just say it's okay that you don't understand. But this is who I am, you know, it's really this compassion part. and say, You two, what are the things you never did in your life that you always wanted to do? to open up the channels, because in their head, they're too narrow, they don't see this stuff?

Vanessa:

Absolutely.

Jampacked:

What's because, like you mentioned, you also work with folks outside of the community, the folks, the people that are surrounding them, that are their family, or friends that are living in close quarters with them, what's the most difficult part in trying to almost be a liaison to be the middle person and to help them kind of both be on the same page?

Lucie:

Well, the liason part is, the hard is to really, you know, the, this is why we call the LGBTQIA s s for the straight people that are in our environment, the hardest part is to really let go, these egos somehow have, this is how I lived my life. And I want you to live with like this as well, it's really hard to to make this more soft. And saying, you know, the way you are leaving is because or it makes you happy, or this is what you're doing. But it doesn't fit my way of living. This is the only hard to really let go this narrow minded way of thinking that because I'm living like that this is the has to be the rule. It's a bit more of that of allowing this flexibility and open opening the mind that and which is not only regarding sexuality, it's about everything. We're also different. And we all have the right to enjoy whatever we want in life, you know that it has not rules. It's whatever I want. So this is this the part two how to the hardest is this to let go this I think my ways right? Coming from essence.

Jampacked:

Yeah, I mean, you know, speaking of LGBTQ is plus, you both, you know, don't believe in labels, but you do us LGBTQ is plus until the day that all are treated equally, what do you think it will take for all to be treated equally? And what can we as members of this very large community do to do our part?

Vanessa:

One part that we can do is already because if you talk inside of our community with others, many of let's say us to stay in our labor for a moment. They also we many of us also have prejudices and specific thoughts about let's say straight couples or families or heterosexual women or whatever. So, in some sense, we are not better than than they are. As long as we have to say this we are we are like this, you are different. And at the end, what we need is that appreciate that we are different. And they are just overcoming this, that we want to belong to someone that is exactly like us. And see just that there is another human being with different tastes, different behaviors, different lifestyle, and that's, that's totally fine. And if you put this compassion in front and to move this other parts, I think this is the first step to overcome then also the labels.

Jampacked:

And for folks that are listening, and they're like, Wow, those are extra letters that I've probably never heard of. And usually it's the either LGBTQ+ . But you know, it's it always feels like this additional letter thing, right. So, so for folks that are listening, and I know you, the S is straight and heterosexual allies, but for folks listening, can you break down what each of them stand for what they represent?

Lucie:

Well, L

Jampacked:

hey,

Lucie:

G

Vanessa:

Gay

Lucie:

B

Vanessa:

Bisexual

Lucie:

T

Vanessa:

Transgender

Lucie:

Q

Vanessa:

Questioning

Lucie:

So they Q, just to be clear, too, we have of course queer, but through at least our understanding queer is all all that is not straight somehow the heterosexuals, whatever it is. So it's a spectrum. I think queer is a spectrum. This is what I from my belief at least. So this is why we use instead of queer the Q, we use it as questioning because for us, it's more important. Those people that are really wondering, are starting to think oh, I don't know, I'm not sure. I really like this girl. So

Vanessa:

this is where you really can get trapped and be stuck for years. decades. Yeah. So

Lucie:

yeah, so that's why I have absolutely, absolutely, this is the one I held the questionings to get out of the question and answer their question. So after the Q, we have I

Vanessa:

which stands for intersex,

Lucie:

intersex and A for

Vanessa:

asexual,

Lucie:

asexual, which was we also. absolutely part of our society, people that are not interested in sexual intercourse, which, of course, yeah, and this is why we added the S of, we don't care about the letters, it's just so you know, people can identify and say, Oh, yes, they hear me. It's more for that. It's more, so they know, they're welcomed to us, that's all. And once they they step into our home, we don't care who you are. Yeah, I mean, you're just an amazing human being. That's all for us.

Vanessa:

And I think also that especially at the beginning, or if you are questioning for a while, what's what's going on what's happening. The latter can also help you to find yourself and find your true identity that gives you like, a poll or a stick or something to hold on. vacancy. Ah, okay. That's, that's the answer. At the end. I'm a woman who loves woman. So actually, this letter this for me, it was very helpful. And now I'm in my lifestyle, and I don't need to label myself as anything. It's just how I want to live. Yeah. Yeah. It's,

Lucie:

it could be a little relief to know where I belong. For, at least at the beginning, I think.

Jampacked:

Absolutely, absolutely. Knowing that there's a community of support and, and all that good stuff. I mean, I, again, like I said, I wish I had a coming out coach, or at least a coach that I could connect with and understand and you know, that understood me and what I was going through, you know, I had to change my therapist, to have at least a therapist that I think might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, because at least she understands where I'm coming from. And that respects and I don't feel the silent judgment of I'm having these corals with, you know, whoever I was dating at the time. You know, it just felt like that therapist at the time, didn't understand what I was going through and just didn't understand the ins and outs of the dynamics of the community. You know what? I, like I said, I, you know, I really, it's so huge, what you both are doing, it's so fantastic and so phenomenal. That it really is a needed thing, needed space of coming out coaches that can help people out there help folks out there. What is the process to get coached by the coming out coaches and kind of what's an overview of what people can expect when they sign up to be coach.

Lucie:

So, so the thing is, first, the first thing to do, of course, is contact us and book a meeting with us. So we talk, we talk and we see, let's say we have these levels of coming out somehow. So we want to see in which level are you right now. So this is the first thing, identify where you are, is this you're wondering, or you have, you're out to yourself, but nobody else knows about it, or you're out just to a couple of people, and you still you're starting to have some little love stories happening. So is it you're out, you want to come out to your parents, you know, it's the different levels. So this is the first thing. And once we have identified where you are now and where you wish to go, then we we clarify, we see what is needed exactly for you to reach this goal. And then we also have the ultimate start step is once you're fully out, but fully out based on on your wishes, it doesn't mean that everybody needs to be out to everybody, they don't feel that this is what they want. But once you've reached the level that you feel, I'm good like that, then we're focusing on how you can love and appreciate yourself deeply on every aspect of your life, because coming out is one thing. And then it's all the rest. How you can you can increase your self love, your self appreciation. And this is where we introduce from the mind and the body. Many, many techniques of self care. So you are not just out and proud, you are fully happy, and you have an amazing life.

Vanessa:

Yeah, and you feel so amazing that you feel comfortable in your body. Exactly.

Lucie:

Yeah. Because coming out is the first thing is one thing, which is needed for you to be happy. Of course, you will come out and negotiable that this should happen. And after that what you need to bring your life and yourself into another level. Not just I'm out. But still all the rest uncompromising No, no, no compromise at all on anything. Now your time, it's your time to fly, and to you know, to reach all your dreams. And this is what we want to do. First, of course, we support you on the coming out process. And once this is settled, how you can love and appreciate who you are in your life, no matter where you are, no matter what you want to do just be a very, very happy human being. So yeah.

Jampacked:

That's fantastic. And you're you're taking clients and their virtual sessions available as well. Right. So for folks that are listening, they want to sign up with you. They can they there's 100% a virtual experience as well, correct?

Lucie:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Only only only because we want to be International. We want to reach people until the moon, if possible. We don't want to have distance barriers. Yeah.

Jampacked:

I love that. I love that. Now, Vanessa, I know that you had mentioned before, I've tried to do my research that you wish that you had your 20s to explore and enjoy being in the LGBTQ+ community. What do you think that 20 year old Vanessa would have done? And what would you have told that 20 year old self?

Vanessa:

Okay, let's go to 23-24 because actually, I was in one relationship with a guy for two years, which was a distance relationship. So after that, the started and what I would tell myself then is to learn to set boundaries to listen to myself, what is it really that I want and not what maybe others want from me, and don't shy away from whatever I feel inside, but be curious and open to people. Afterwards like having a sports friend from from the fencing club. And we did a lot of stuff together a female friend. And I really liked her a lot. And now I know that from my side, that could have been even more. But at that time, I would shy away from these feelings. So what I would tell this young woman is to take the courage and all feelings are allowed. And follow them. Explore, be open, be curious and playful.

Jampacked:

Yeah, for me, I, I yeah, I had feeling like I had always had like feelings, or it was kind of it always just kind of popped up here and there. And I remember trying to try trying to talk to a high school teacher when I was in high school. So she was the Spanish teacher. And I just thought she was so great. And I had like a little crush on her. But I didn't realize it was a crush that I had on her. It was just, I was just like, I really like spending time with her. I like talking to her. But it was, we only spent time because it was a high school field trip outside of the country. And it was funny, my mom was just talking to me about this phone party we went to, but it was a phone party in Spain, actually. And it was a bunch of high schoolers. And it was it was like the Spanish and French group. And she was the Spanish teacher that went along. And I was like, Oh, she's so cool. But I didn't realize that I had these feelings that I had a little crush on her. I wanted to like, hang out, but I didn't connect the dots. Does someone ever come to you and say, I think I'm like, girl? I mean, maybe that would go under the questioning portion of it. But

Lucie:

absolutely. Of course, of course. Of course. No, it's you know, and also, it's this approach, I don't know. And I like this girl. It's confusing. I stress a lot when I'm with this person. But on the other hand, I want to be with her all the time, you know, it's this mixed feelings, and also brings this guilt, I don't know,

Vanessa:

and the fear of being caught that the other person can read your mind,

Lucie:

everybody will know you. The way you look at everybody will. Yeah, so it's, of course, of course, this is the first signs. And when these signs come start to be really, you know, bring you internally negative feelings, because I really don't know what to do anymore. This is when people come to us, because they are stuck. They're undecided, they cannot really see clearly, but they have so many feelings, and they don't know what to do with them. On the other hand, probably very often they already have relationships with with a man that with someone, a committed, committed relationship. And we hear often that they the sex is not good. They don't feel well, you know, so of course this comes up. And it's such an important part. And it's something that we need to bring a lot of attention on it, of course, because about you know, being you know, sexualities are such a huge part of our life. It's as important as everything else we do. It's a human need, and a pleasure of life. And it's something that we suppress. And we shouldn't, it's unhealthy to suppress it. So of course, when we have people coming, especially ladies, but it's not only saying, Oh, you know, I'm with my boyfriend or hiring don't enjoy the time we spend together or my mind is somewhere else in this friend, this woman. Yeah, and this is where we have to liberate them from this, this guilt and this pressure, they're causing themselves, you know, you don't need to live like that.

Jampacked:

experienced that as well with any guys that you were with and you're like, you know, I just need to finally just try to be with a woman and see if that works.

Lucie:

Of course.

Jampacked:

That's why I feel like I feel like everybody has this different weird experience. But like for me, I had had I had been having a lot of sex and it was, it was decent. It was good. But it wasn't I there was no emotional intimacy. There was no connection. There was nothing there and then but it was just in a conversation with this. This woman so I used to work at a news station. If people are listening, they're already gonna know what station that is. But I was I used to work at a station And she was one of the people that were on TV that really gave it away probably just now. But she was beautiful. But when you talk to her one on one, she's like a, like a tomboy, like she's down to earth. And she's talking about basketball and all these other things. And I was like, Whoa, my gosh, this is so fantastic. I think I really like I like this, this woman, but she's with a man and but at that moment, I said, Wow, I'm just having regular conversation with her. And I'm feeling these butterflies again. And it's time for me to pay attention. And I owe it to myself to, to do that. Is there a way that you speak to you, maybe your clients or somebody that you know, of not trying to feel like you're pushing this agenda as they like to put it? That you just want them to be happy? But you're, you know, you don't want to push them in a direction where they feel like they're being forced? How does that conversation go with? Just try it? You know? And see if it helps?

Lucie:

No. So it's always about, of course, there's never a pushing way we don't push. It's only a conversation, that through what we hear, we understand, in which level they are for themselves in which how, what are their intentions? How do they feel, if they feel open to take a bigger step in whatever that is, or a smaller, it's up to them, there is no pushing, the only thing we do is, we are there telling them you have every right to do what do you want, it's more to make them love and appreciate who they are in a way that they're hearing their inner voice, you know, on their desire of whatever that is

Vanessa:

to become aware of what is going on in them, so they can become aware of it. And also to put them give them this control, or they learn to have this control that they can decide if they take the courage to explore new things. Usually, we are scared of new things. So that's why I'm saying to take the code for new things. And on the other hand, we can also think of year two, I want to continue with this behavior that makes me unhappy? Or would I like to change it? Or do I have to get rid of it? Since you were asking before? What were our experiences? I had a pattern in my 20s after this one relationship, why would now I understand that I was searching, I was desiring proximity on all levels. And I was looking for guys, I had many colleagues at college and so on. And with some I felt somehow close in a way and we were like good friends. And then it was the point that something more was to happen. And I wouldn't run away after latest two weeks, because I felt like no, especially with the intimacy part. I was not able to do this. I just wanted to run away. And then I ended whatever was happening. And this was a cycle I was in for several years. And that should have been assigned as well to see and what I decided that I was like, Okay, I don't want this anymore. I'm suffering. So I just stopped focused on the sports and other things. And Justin, that does happen anymore. So this was maybe my first step. But if I had had a coach at that time, maybe in a conversation with his coach, I would have realized there's something else going on. I feel unhappy with guys. But I would like to have proximity with a person. So why not explore the other option? Yeah.

Lucie:

And very often we are we are scared. The big fear is that we are scared of losing what we have. Even if it's bad, because we know it. It's like a comfortable situation, especially the people that have you know, long term relationships, or families already, also. So they're there and they know they want something else. But they're so scared of losing what they have. And even if they're not happy. The thing is, it's a decision on how do you want your life to be if you want to live a life, that it's a bit bland, it may be dissatisfied family or the husband or the wife or the partner gives you something it's not that they don't give you anything. But is this enough for you to feel good if it's enough Then fine, stay and even talk about it with me they can you can bring a third person in. But, you know in the couple, but the topic is, if this you cannot handle anymore and it's too much, then you need to make these moves. You deserve these moves.

Jampacked:

I love that. All right, you guys ready for a little bit of storytime? storytime, so we'll go. Lucy looks nervous. So we'll get some we'll go a Vanessa Lucy and then it'll be me. So we'll go abcdefg all that good stuff. storytime. storytime. Are you ready, Vanessa?

Vanessa:

Yes, I'm ready.

Jampacked:

All right, and I will try to keep track of our story that we put together.

Lucie:

Okay. Okay. Keep track keep track and keep drinking.

Jampacked:

Yeah, exactly. Keep drinking. All right, whenever you're ready, Vanessa.

Vanessa:

Okay, so just starting with A, right?

Jampacked:

Uh huh. Okay. And for folks that are listening, we're gonna This is an international storytime. So that means that we could use a little bit of franglish if you have some German. You might have to help me spell it out or pronounce it but we're gonna we're just we're gonna put together a little story, a blended story.

Vanessa:

Okay, so I start with authentic.

Jampacked:

Ooh, okay.

Lucie:

So authentic belief.

Jampacked:

Could

Lucie:

I'm writing the alphabet to make sure

Vanessa:

dapple

Jampacked:

Double, double, double, O dapple okay.

Lucie:

dapple in elevation.

Jampacked:

For like, not the number four F or

Unknown:

G

Vanessa:

G.

Jampacked:

So right now we're at authentic belief could dabble Elevation for

Vanessa:

can you say? gayness? No, of

Jampacked:

course. Of course. Let's get the let's do it gayness

Lucie:

for gayness home.

Jampacked:

You said home.

Lucie:

Oh, thanks.

Jampacked:

Okay. Okay. In

Lucie:

eg j No, you're here we're in.

Vanessa:

So it's not

Jampacked:

so right now we're at authentic. What's that?

Vanessa:

Jamaica

Jampacked:

Yeah, Jamaica.

Lucie:

Koala. Koala? Yeah, koala the animal

Vanessa:

sentence by the way Jamaican Koala

Jampacked:

a Jamaica. Koala. I love it. Jamaican koala I dig it

Vanessa:

would we ever start a new sentence by the way?

Jampacked:

We can maybe if it's if it feels right. So a living

Lucie:

living

Jampacked:

so right now read authentic belief could dabble Elevation for gayness home in Jamaican koala living?

Vanessa:

You know, many,

Jampacked:

many,

Lucie:

okay. Many new

Jampacked:

other Ooh

Lucie:

wow

Vanessa:

possibilities

Lucie:

questioning

Jampacked:

Right so right now we're at authentic belief could dabble Elevation for gayness home in Jamaican koala living many new other possibilities questioning right

Vanessa:

right

Jampacked:

oh okay

Lucie:

timing

Jampacked:

under

Lucie:

under

Vanessa:

victory

Jampacked:

ooh

Lucie:

victory weather

Vanessa:

like the weather

Lucie:

yeah weather

Jampacked:

I learned this the other days xenophobia you met whether like whether or not or whether like the weather

Lucie:

weather

Jampacked:

okay

Lucie:

What did you say which word you said

Jampacked:

Xenophobia

Lucie:

ah, xenophobia. So we have x A Zed Okay, so

Jampacked:

Zed so right now we're at authentic belief could dabble Elevation for gayness home in Jamaica koala living many new other possibilities questioning right substantial timing under victory weather xenophobia I'll change my mind to xenophobic maybe

Lucie:

xenophobic

Jampacked:

xenophobic

Vanessa:

phobic, yielding

Lucie:

what what

Vanessa:

yielding

Lucie:

find a word I know what it means. what's yielding? yielding?

Jampacked:

u yielding okay yielding and then for Zed

Lucie:

Zed what seems more writing this year zigzag

Jampacked:

zigzag okay so we have authentic belief could dabble Elevation for gayness home in Jamaica. Koala living many new other possibilities questioning right substantial timing under victory whether xenophobic using zigzag I'm gonna drink to all of it. Yeah, apple juice. Speaking of apple juice,

Lucie:

yeah,

Jampacked:

I know that. Wow. That was that was good right there. So I know with nutrition impacts, it impacts how you feel. Lucy used to eat a lot of potato chips and bread and junk food and burgers and pizza and some of the symptoms you feel with Ms or tiredness and weakness in the legs as well as the brain. You were told by someone you met that the following that to about a nutrition plan. So you now eat like veggies and fruit and then protein and you don't eat processed food anymore. Only like healthy sugars you can consume like natural apple juice, which is what you're drinking. As coming out coaches you also provide nutrition plans. What are your thoughts on plant based and the impossible burger? and Vanessa, is it true that you can lose weight eating chocolate?

Vanessa:

Yes. I mean, no, it's always depends on the quantity, the amount. And what you can also do is if you have otherwise healthy nutrition and you feel like you still want to lose weight, you could cut something else out. For example, if you really want To lose weight, and to tag this additional energy, then somehow you need to have a plan how to compensate this. So one thing could be that you cut out other carbohydrates, for example, like potatoes or rice or bread, because they are, or fats. But still, we also need all of these components also fats, they're healthy fats that basically huge parts of our brains depends on fat as well. And we are made of water and fat at the end the cells. So this is one or the other patterns, if you feel like you cannot decrease so much. The energy intake can increase the energy, what you want to spend, like with exercising, but in general, it always depends on the quantities, if you want to eat like two big chocolate bars, like 200 grams or something a day, then it gets much harder. Of course, if it's a small bar, okay, just put it in your calculation.

Lucie:

It's about Of course, it's the quantity. And I would say also, it's how, how often, because this matters as well. And, and this is also a way what we're doing a lot is to talk about the different types of eating, okay, you can eat, it's unjust, we eat, it's all one thing. It's, it's each meal serves a purpose. If it's to feed your hunger, is it to give you energy? Is it to respond to a craving, or, you know, depends of what it is. And this is a part as well that we talk a lot with our clients on that to understand, why are you eating right now? What is what's the use of it, I'm just hungry, okay, so it's hunger, okay? If you're starving, there is nothing else there. Okay, eat whatever you want. But if it's to fuel your body, because you need to be focused to perform better, that's another story, you need to eat specific things. So you've your brain and body feels amazing. So this is the switch, it's okay to eat, and the burger and the pizza. And and we do even if I have cut a lot, but still, sometimes I tell myself, I will have my pizza, I will fully enjoy it. I know the impact it might have on my body. But I signed for it, you know, I know it. But this is the difference that I am aware of it. This is a huge difference. It's not just my chance I'm eating and whatever happens, I know what would could be the consequences or the effects of it. And I'm totally fine with it. And this is Vanessa's part that is already explaining a lot, how to eat different things, how to combine different things, how should it look like.

Vanessa:

At the end, if it's about losing weight, or let's say, release body fat, this is what we want at the end. I'm not a huge fan of certain diets, because usually you a diet is meant for a certain amount of time methods to change this. And afterwards to go back to the old habits and whatever fat you gained before was because of certain behaviors, like eating the wrong food or too much or whatever or not moving enough. And what we need to do is to really change our behaviors. And not only change the behaviors, but try to make it effortless and sustainable. And this means to find the eating habits that really fit to you and to not have any restrictions. So in my consideration, there's there's no bad food, they're just better and maybe not so good choices. But it's a continuum. And I don't want to exclude anything, but just has to be in the limits. And you have to make up your mind as Lucy said she will have a pizza and she knows the consequences. That would be the same if I decide for myself I want to have a certain amount of chocolate or you know certain regularity burgers or pizza or whatever that would mean I will not have the body in order to show it on a competition of bodybuilding or something. But something I will have to accept that's like natural law we will accept that. So we are free and deciding what is it that we want to achieve and what do we want to change or what are we willing to change which costs are we willing to pay which I find

Lucie:

and one thing that we introduce a lot this is for sure. It's home cooking. Because this is a huge difference for so many reasons first, because you know exactly what you're putting in your dish. And second, and the even more important because you're creating it yourself for yourself and your loved ones. And this gesture is the ultimate gesture of self love, because you're doing it for you. So even if you put the sugar, which of course there are alternatives of other stuff, we use coconut sugar, for example, which is also very good.

Vanessa:

Okay,

Lucie:

yeah, different stuff like that, that you can switch change, you still enjoy what you're cooking, I cook my own pizza. And because I need some bread, because it affects my stability and the feelings of my legs. I create my own almonds, potato, sweet potato, bass for the pizza, for instance, on top, we put wherever we want could be veggies could be some cheese could be some, whatever we want. So it's the fact that I'm sitting there, I'm making it for me, it's even giving me the joy that I'm taking care of myself. Plus, it's healthier. So the home cooking is for sure. Something we introduce and we talk a lot about.

Jampacked:

Absolutely. I mean, you know, you talk about the substitutions and using the coconut, you know, type of sugar, which are amazing gems, what are your thoughts on? Have you ever had like an impossible burger or beyond the burger? What are your thoughts on those? Because aren't those still technically processed foods? In a sense, even though they're all still plant based?

Lucie:

I To be honest, I have no opinion on this. I don't know it, and I wouldn't. The thing is, I don't know what's in there. Since I don't know, could be amazing. But I don't know what's there. So I already am not very interested in terms of trying because

Vanessa:

what do you think? Yeah, I think that at the end, this is a very personal decision. And it's also about how you feel when you read it. For example. And as for example, this corn, this is an English same friend that is allergic to it, she cannot eat it. So I could not recommend in general, okay, let's go for the comp product if you want to have plant based nutrition, because it's really very, very personal empathy. Other things? Yep. I would always put a question mark on this highly processed foods that are not natural. Then you have to do your own research and see what can you find out about it? Maybe is it organic or not? You could check in terms of health. What types of fats is in there? And how was it created? Yeah,

Lucie:

yeah, these are things there are some topics in life that others are putting these choices in front of us. And the, the opinions are so biased, you know, some years they say don't eat eggs, then the next cell eat eggs, then don't eat this, don't eat that, then eat it. So it's so confusing is this, they bring this product, we have no idea if it's good or not. So the only thing we can really do is if we want to try we try and then we see how is our body reacting? What else can we do? Because this is not in our control what they put in there. We don't know how they created or if it's really good. This is the domain of the scientists, which depends again, who is bringing the scientist to judge if it's the company that is creating the crazy burger or the plant based burger.

Jampacked:

I don't know. It's impossible. Yeah, impossible burger. They're really good. And so you know, but it has, but I know it has a lot of soy in it and it's but it's all but it's you know, vegan friendly, it's vegan ingredients, but I know sometimes too much soy is you know, soy in general is probably not a good idea. But it's a main it tends to be a main ingredient for a lot of those but I love an impossible burger over a beef burger or over a chicken burger. It might be a close tie if it was like a salmon burger fish burger. But But yeah, I mean, but but, but it goes back to just making it at home, you know, and knowing exactly what's going in it.

Lucie:

Absolutely. And listen to your body, how it reacts to it. And not only as a household but as an individual. Because we react so differently in each thing. And it's very important to know and it doesn't mean that you cannot eat whatever you want. You can but always know for instance if later you want to feel good for some reason, because you Have, you want to record the next episode and you want to feel super energized? Maybe something could make you feel heavier and more CB don't need that. Yes, think that a night that you are home and you don't care your team, so it's good. This is important thing. It's not to just say no, you don't need anything bad anymore. And you eat only you know, veggies fruits, this is impossible. The life is not about that. Because part of life and happiness is enjoying what you eat. This is our reality, and we have to embrace it. But it's more when you eat what? And to get this conversation with yourself, Why you eat? How do you feel after one hour, two hours the next day? And then you're aware of your body?

Jampacked:

It's absolutely no, that's so true. Because whether I'm doing getting ready to do the podcast, or I'm doing voiceover, I cannot really eat. I don't really like I don't like to eat. I don't know what it is, maybe I just feel sluggish after I eat, but I just don't like to feel tired, I want to be ready, I want to be prepared. So I would probably much rather have you know, a drink, you know of water or tea or champagne. Whatever the case is over any food just because of the way that I feel afterwards whether it's healthy or not I just

Lucie:

listening to your body.

Vanessa:

Yeah, and that's totally fine. As long as you feel that your brain is clear, and you are not. Because the brand needs a lot of little sugar at the end glucose. So as long as you feel that you are clear and wealth fueled, then that's perfect. And you found the strategy that works best for you. Yeah,

Lucie:

exactly. Yep. Little strategies. This is what we this is our favorite thing to do. Implement the little strategies, the little things that can change your everyday life without really sacrificing or feeling that you know, it's, it's a burden. Absolutely not. There is nothing that should be done in a hard way. It should all everything should be done with joy, with pleasure, with love with compassion. And we have this is the only way we operate, you know, whatever we do, how to enjoy your everyday no matter what you're doing. So yeah,

Jampacked:

I love you both. This is such a beautiful duo. I love this. And I really appreciate you both taking the time to hang out. And you know, it's you both are just a dynamic duo for sure. You You both are such a great duo. You know, you both actually met through mutual friends in Switzerland. How is that balance of being in a relationship and being business partners as well as having your individual time?

Lucie:

How is it balancing? Huh? Exactly. That's right. So far, it's going really well. We still have moments that it's only business and other moments, that it's only us as a couple, which we have our friends over and just enjoying our life. It's it's we manage. I mean, so far, it was really great to say okay, now

Vanessa:

you know, business meeting,

Lucie:

we talk it's purely for the business, then it's okay, now it's over. What do you want?

Vanessa:

life continues? Yeah, exactly. That is not true for us. Like, Oh, I feel hungry. Maybe it's time to exempt business and absolutely absurd things.

Lucie:

I'm about to put a washing machine, do you have laundry.

Vanessa:

So it's

Lucie:

nice, good. It's really good. But also, it's also a luck. Because look at this. I have this angel near me. That is always so positive. And this is helpful. And this is what we're trying out. So I'm trying to be positive as well. Hopefully I've managed I'm not sure 100% but I'm trying to get even more. Also what we're trying to give like positivity and easy things and it doesn't need to be complicated and open your heart and share. This is also very important part. We're talking a lot. I mean, you see that already?

Vanessa:

Yes, yes. It's important to also express this need if you feel like I need to be like two hours on my own or me I want to perform around. Yes, yes, but I can do this and I share it and from Lucy ciders, no bad feelings about this. But I think many couples might have experienced this in especially in this year with being at home doing home office. And because before we had like Natural separation during the day, which some may be appreciate it more others less. And in this way also now being stuck at home together might be challenging from from for many couples and then you have to find out, okay, we are together in the same house or building. But we still have our separate things to do. And to be.

Lucie:

Yeah, and the most important thing is Talk, talk to each other and tell this person that you're spending your life with? Isn't this is not working? I would need this one hour at home alone, whatever that is, what do you need? Oh, great, actually, I would love one hour as well. So you know, there's stuff that we keep in our head, we are wondering if how the other person would feel Oh, no, I don't want to upset her. No, maybe she actually needs it, too. So especially now with Corona is we need to increase conversations at home even more, and say what it is you need. So you have more chances to get it. And the other person as well.

Jampacked:

I was actually just about to ask like, what do you think the most important part is in a relationship? And you kind of you beat me to the punch? It's really talking and communicating? And, you know, do you feel like maybe there's a fundamental basic reminder for couples have kind of a reminder of what they need, and communication.

Lucie:

If yes, for me, at least, step one is know what you want. So as an individual what it is you want, and realize what what it is you want what it is you don't want. So you know, in your life, for instance, you say, I don't want if we are too much in the same room, I suffocate, whatever, okay, it's it's human, we're not meant to be like one on top of the other all day long. So already, it's this. Ah, so I realize this is a bit annoying for me, it's bringing me negative feelings. Step one is I know what I want, okay, I need a bit of space. Great, then go to the one you love with compassion and say, I really need to talk to you about something. Okay, what's wrong? Well, isn't it sometimes I feel I need some space would, but I love being with you Just some moments. So it's explaining? And would that be alright, okay for you? Or how do you feel about it? And I'm pretty sure that if you go with an open heart and compassion, there is no way the other person is not going to receive this in a positive way. And even gonna say, Oh, good. Yeah, let's try, you know, so it's this first now what you want and then sharing it.

Vanessa:

Yeah. And the third point would be then also listen with compassion, absolute, like, if she would say, Listen, I need a bit more space and be a bit on my own. During the day, then what should not happen inside of me is to feel heard and are she doesn't love me anymore, or not enough or whatever. But also to to understand others is what she needs. And it has nothing to do with me as a person, or with our relationship. Just her personal need. And since I love her, I'm very happy to give this to her.

Jampacked:

Yes, exactly. Now, both of you, you you have worked with throuples. How is that because that's gotta be very exhausting. I've been. I've never been a throuple. But I've been told I would be, you know, this is obviously before I you know, settled down and got married. But before you know, they had said, you know, do you really think you'd be great in a polyamorous relationship or this and that and I'm just like, No, I am the worst I would be the worst person because I can I can barely deal with my emotions, let alone one person's emotions don't have to deal with two other people's emotions. That's a lot that is a huge order that I am I cannot I would not be able to sign up for but how is that working with? With throuples?

Lucie:

so to be to be completely honest, we haven't got a program yet a full program the way we do it with individuals or couples, we haven't got the honor and chance to have it with a throuple. This is what we hope to have. The only thing we did have was more to solicit some conversations to help them communicate a little bit better. We didn't have this whole experience, but only some to see. You know, they needed to be able to there were some communication issues that were there too. You know, Help them clarify some things. But the thing is, you don't have to take care of everybody, you know the emotions of each person. First, if you start with yourself, you focus on you, and you're clear on what you need. And then you just hear what do you need, you know, so it's, there is a common base, it's not that it's at the end, it's not such a big work. If this is what you want, it's not so much harder than being with one. Because you can be with one person and your life be miserable. Because this one person is, you know, is not helping you in anything in terms of thinking or feeling that you feel empty, even with, you know, this person. So it's not that you will have so much work, it's more about knowing who you are, and then being open to understand and to share and to, you know, all of this to, to have a harmonious way of living. It's not harder than when we were kids with our parents. We were three, or you know, three, four, or five, depending on the family and six, but it's that you say, how did we do it? Yeah, but imagine now by being your choice, it is doable. It's just about listening each other and create a, you know, Harmonix where everybody's fitting they have their their spots. That's all.

Jampacked:

Isn't that, but isn't there like an obligation to care about the other feelings there? If you're in this relationship? Aren't you obligated to care about these two other people that you're in a relationship with?

Lucie:

But yeah, I mean, just about to not in our form of obligation. It's something that is just happening, I suppose. The way you love one, you can love someone else. I mean, I'd have at least I don't, I don't see it as an obligation. I see it more that it's even more fulfilling. Because if you receive love from one, imagine if you receive double, it's even more, because you receive more, you will want to give more. So it's not Oh, my God, it's not like a job that you have more tasks. Yeah, but I think it's, it's still a committed relationship. I mean, look, it's not a monogamous because it's to other people. But it's, I mean, of course, these are, there is not one way, everybody can do different ways. And these the throuples could be open relationships fully and live in a home or they can have a committed relationship to each other, which is more like a family at the end. Of course, that's true.

Jampacked:

That's true. Yeah. So they were more a polyamorous relationship. They were in a triad before. But that ended and then they just were doing the polyamorous thing. But I thought it was very interesting, because they had gone through these different situations, they had had a triad broke up with the girlfriend, and then they were doing more of a polyamorous relationship. So they had boyfriends girlfriends and this and that. And, yeah,

Lucie:

of course, there is not one thing, it's the same as if I were a couple and one is more open. I hope it's not you. It's everything depends on the How is this the decision? If it's already a couple and they bring some other person in? Or if they created this three from almost the beginning, somehow? And what are their own rules? Or expectations and how they want this to be? Of course, there is no one way there are a billion ways, probably. But of course, it's more depending on the needs. Were there. It lets us for me, it's something more like to be a committed trial that I think I can help more. Because it's like we are a couple we are how to say it. But could

Jampacked:

how do you say monogamous?

Lucie:

Yeah, we are. It's something that I we are aware, most of the time of what the other person is doing. And it's more or less the same with with what I think more we can support. It's there have a household, they feel like a family, they're committed to each other. They everyday life is together. So and maybe there have ways that they don't feel well about who they are in different ways. And this is how the same way we take under our wing, one individual or a couple to fix who they are as a human and then in correlation with each other. This is how we do it as well for three at least this is what we hope that it's one by one to feel better about who you are, and then how you can have these conversations with each other to feel amazing and be At home and be, you know, family and feel warmth, and love. So, which is what we all want anyway?

Jampacked:

Yeah, that's true. I love that. That was That was perfect. Before we get out of here. I just, you know, I know, you both talk a lot about self care What does self care mean to each of you.

Vanessa:

So for me, it means that on two levels in though I'm focusing more and more interested in sports and take care from a physical point of view, but it's still two levels that I appreciate myself and I stopped judging myself and take more this compassion also towards myself. And on the other hand, it's also finding the balance of what I maybe might enjoy most maybe having only the potato chips and the chocolate, versus taking care of myself, because I know that I also need good intuitions and nutrients, and I need enough water to drink. And for me a lot with the exercise because I feel always so amazing after exercising. So it really means also focusing on on myself and to what is what is good for me. Which is not always what is the most comfortable. But it is the most rewarding.

Lucie:

Yeah. And for me, it's, it's like a proof to myself, you know, self care in every ways I prove that I want to live. And I want to increase my longevity. And I want to be on earth alive, feeling great, as much as I can. And great, not only the moment of pleasure, that afterwards is harming me not only because sometimes we think, Oh, I'm taking great care of myself, I do everything I want. Sure. But if this thing is harming me, and in the long term, this there is a permanent damage that is happening in my body, then of course, it will decrease my longevity. And my purpose is in life is to live and to live well. As long as I can, so I can support others. This is my goal. Because if I take care of this body, that I have body and mind in every way that I can, then I can be strong. Despite any health issue, you know, I can still be very strong, so I can help others to be to feel better. And when they feel better than they can help others feel better. So you see, it's like a

Jampacked:

domino rally effect.

Lucie:

Yeah, exactly. Exactly, exactly. So if I think that, oh, it's very hard sometimes to take care of myself, then I think that if I take care of myself, I can help others and they can help others. So you know, the effect is so big. And this is the motivation to keep going.

Jampacked:

As we begin 2021 what do you think people can take as like a gym as, as, What can people do as they begin their 2021? They're very new year, what is something that they can think about that they can remember to keep them focused, keep them centered and keep them balanced?

Lucie:

You have many?

Vanessa:

Yeah. So if you are targeting now to like New Year's resolutions, I think, to be a bit out of the trend, I would suggest to take off the pressure off that it is a new year at the end. The New Year, it's like us humans who have decided that we start with one one specific mistake. But at the end, it's no other day than any other day in the year. And whenever we want to change something because we don't feel well with suffering or we want to feel better. We can start with this every day. And so we don't need to have now resolutions that are that have a high probability to fail anyway. So just take off this pressure. And think of what you want to change and just start and Taiwan When it's right to you,

Lucie:

yeah, very good point. Very good point. It's true. It's a pressure. Because you're starting to realize, oh, okay, okay, now for sure I need to write down everything I want to achieve. And then after two weeks, you didn't because the expectations were too high or whatever. It was crazy goals. And then you're so you know, how to say this. This room? disappointed? Thank you. Disappointed? Yeah, yeah, you're disappointed, then you have to start to self blame all the negative feelings, which at the end, you brought to yourself, because you put this high goals in your New Year's resolution list. You know, it's crazy.

Vanessa:

Maybe these goals are even not yours. Yeah, maybe you start out, okay. If the gyms open again, then Okay, I have to go there, because all my friends are going or whatever. But it's not what is really you, maybe you just enjoy walking in the forest or at the beach, or wherever, wherever you are. So I think it's really all about focusing on what is it that we want? How do we want to care to take care of ourselves. And that could be a completely different solution, then even from your partners from

Lucie:

Exactly, exactly. Listen to what you want. This is the thing. Who said we are we're like, we put their plugs and it's whatever others want. Somehow we ended in this train that is taking us somewhere for everything in our life. And this is something that it's it's time to stop, because we're harming ourselves. This is why people get sick, we have society. It's always a negativity, just listen to your heart and to what you want and what makes you happy. If for you the only physical activities to put loud music and dance around and jump around, do it. It's for you. It's up to you. And for you. You know,

Vanessa:

there are clients that come to us and they ask me, I need to run I need to start run I should run. And then I would ask Okay, do you enjoy running? No, I don't like it. It's so hard. I cannot motivate myself. It's boring, whatever. And then I would say okay, then don't run. Yeah. What do you like to do instead?

Lucie:

What do you like? So every day is fun at the end. Yeah, that's, that's your life to enjoy? Why? Why should it always be a suffering? No, that's over 2021. No more suffering. only fun. And it's a decision. It's truly is a decision.

Jampacked:

Yes, you've heard it from the coming out coaches. I love it. Now, we always end the episode with words of wisdom. What will your words of wisdom be for the folks listening?

Lucie:

Okay, so I think we have a common one that we truly believe in. And it's also our motto. Super simple. I mean, we said all the wisdom already, it's been heard we said it. So it's our sentence, that there's really simple and it's with us. And it's dare to follow your heart

Vanessa:

and live your truth.

Jampacked:

I like that.

Lucie:

Simple. Just do this. Follow your heart and your truth. Come on, just do it.

Jampacked:

I love that. I love that salute to that Happy New Year's

Lucie:

Happy New Year. And everybody, stay safe. Take good care of yourselves and of the people around you. We have responsibility to everybody. It's not only about us, in this case, now it's we really need to take care and protect everybody around us so we can overcome this stupid thing that is happening. And we can move on with our lives and learn from what happened and become even better.

Jampacked:

Absolutely. I love it. Thank you so much. Ladies, I appreciate you both for taking the time to hang out early in the morning on a Sunday. I appreciate it. And I would love to have you both back on this has been such great conversation. And I didn't even get to the many other questions that I had. But we I had such a great time. I hope you both had a great time. This has been amazing. This has been incredible. So for folks that are listening. Yeah, for folks that are listening, how can they get in touch with you and how can they reach out

Lucie:

so because you're also an IT person, can you give the details.

Vanessa:

So I will also put the links and

Jampacked:

it'll also be in the show notes as well but for folks that immediately have their phone out available for so you can

Vanessa:

Look up at the coming out coaches.com where you find out more about our stories, what we're doing and how to contact us. You can also drop us an email at info at the coming out coaches.com You can also find us on Facebook and Instagram. Again, with the coming out coaches, we tried to make it really simple for you. I mean, just remember the coming out coach

Lucie:

that you were doing you all a favor, look how simple it is. You just need to find us under the coming out coaches no matter where you are, and which platform so yeah, I love it. We will be happy to come back. Of course. I mean, it was so so much fun and fun and interesting at the same time very deep conversations. Thank you so much for your amazing questions. And for your fantastic presence there so well so smiling. You guys have to watch the video.

Jampacked:

Absolutely listen to your energy, I feel it all the way over here your your energy has traveled from Switzerland, to LA to California. So this is this has been incredible. And for folks that are listening, watching, make sure that you claim your free guide on their website. It's it's called gain control over your life, which is a seven step guide to easily conquer overwhelming things in your life. And it is for free. So you do not want to miss it. It has so many gems that I don't even want to give them away because I feel like it would be cheating you from the entire coming out coach's experience. So make sure you download it, it's on my computer, I've turned it into a PDF. So it is on my laptop. This has been incredible. This really has been incredible. And what you're both doing is so needed is so needed. And you both cover the beautiful balance of the coming out coaches. So this is awesome. Thank you again.

Lucie:

Thank you so much. Jameela was really a who was incredible. And we want to wish you a Happy New Year to every amazing individual artist listening. Yeah,

Jampacked:

yes, yes,

Lucie:

you soon. See you soon. Yes, definitely.

Jampacked:

Have a great rest of your Sunday. funday.

Vanessa:

And you're

Jampacked:

exactly exactly the wife is already asleep. When the kid is like playing video games on this side and then it's silent on this side. some jam-packed on this side. But But yeah, this is been incredible. And merci beaucoup. And bond Janae Have a good rest of your day. And we definitely have to do this again. This has been so much fun and especially when it gets closer to you know anything you guys want to promote. Just let me know this is this has been amazing. This has been incredible.

Lucie:

Thank you so much. Talk to you soon.

Jampacked:

Definitely.

Vanessa:

Bye,

Lucie:

Bye everybody.

Jampacked:

I had so much fun with Lucie and Vanessa. And again, thank you to the coming out coaches for joining us all the way from Lucerne Switzerland. Folks, that was nine hours ahead. I really really appreciate it. That was so much fun. And y'all drop so many gems, they dropped so many gems, if you did not catch any or at least five, you gonna have to go back and listen or go watch it on YouTube. They consistently dropped gems, and so many things that you could just remember in your everyday life. Again, don't forget to check out on their website. It's if you make sure to sign up on their website to claim your free guide. It's a gain control over your life, which is a seven step guide to easily conquer overwhelming things in your life. And it's all for free. All you got to do is sign up and then they send you an email. That's it's as easy as that I have the PDF it's on my laptop. I totally encourage you guys to reach out as well as to let them know if you have any. If you have any main challenges and to join to help them in their online live event as well as to join to get more information make sure you hit them up. So go ahead and help them with their online live event. Get your free guide. It's all love. It is all love. And it's just incredible how inspiring and supportive they are. They messaged me happy The New Year, you know, it's and again, I, the other guests also, you know, text me as well and I love this beautiful, jam packed community that we're in of love and support and honesty, and sincerity and gratitude and I just appreciate all of you. And again, the coming out coaches, make sure to check them out. Whether you've come out or not, or you're not sure or you already have, whether you're even in a loving space but you with your with your family, and you still feel like there's an issue. Reach out to the coming out coaches, and I guarantee you, they will have a solution for your problem. Y'all, we're in 2021 it's time, it's time to just do the damn thing. And my words of wisdom will be step into your greatness. Step into your greatness. Allow yourself to be incredible. And, and, and and do things out here that resonate. That contribute. Step into your light step into your greatness. I don't want to sound like all overbearing and stuff but step into your greatness, which you think you hear four step into it, would you would you would you lay down. Anyway, that was your tough love of the segment. I appreciate y'all for listening. And again, I don't take y'all for granted and you shouldn't take one another for granted. Or your family and friends. I appreciate every single one of you. And cheers, cheers to having a better year. And I Missy I I wish you all a prosperous, incredible year filled with memories love good health. Love wisdom. laughs and fun. Enjoy life y'all. We will see you every Wednesday. We'll see you on the next jampacked.

Unknown:

Peace out peace.