An Americanist
Welcome to An Americanist, your go-to solo podcast for a quick and snarky dive into the current events and politics shaping our nation! As a daily extension of the An Americanist blog, I’m here to break down the headlines that matter—Monday through Friday—without the fluff and filler.
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An Americanist
Skip the News and Play "Spot the Fake Advice Column"
Ever have one of those days when scrolling through the news just makes you want to close your browser and walk away? That's exactly what happened in this episode. After a brief morning coffee delay (complete with baristas blaming their "self-cleaning espresso machine"), I decided to skip the usual news commentary because everything felt "awful and gross."
Instead, I pivoted to something more entertaining - a game of "Which Dear Abby letter is fake?" I briefly touched on the Jimmy Kimmel controversy, noting Kat Timpf's misunderstanding of the FCC's role, and shared Jon Stewart's humorous response where he wore Trump-like attire on The Daily Show. But the real fun began with three peculiar advice column scenarios: an elderly mother mysteriously distancing herself from her children, a neighbor who insists on mowing his lawn at 6 AM while singing polka songs off-key, and a fitness center patron concerned about another woman's overly transparent leggings.
Each letter presents its own unique interpersonal dilemma - when to intervene in an elderly parent's changing behavior, how to handle minor neighborhood annoyances without creating unnecessary conflict, and the delicate question of whether to mention potentially embarrassing clothing issues to strangers. Both Dear Abby's responses and my commentary reveal different approaches to these everyday social challenges. But here's the twist - while all advice columns seem somewhat fabricated, one of these three scenarios actually came straight from my imagination. Can you guess which one before I reveal the answer?
Listen now and see if you can spot the fake Dear Abby letter, then join me and the gent this Sunday for our "Brood Awakening" episode where we'll dive into deeper conversations.
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Oh, hello, good morning. I'm running a little late, not really, but you know I'm a little behind my normal schedule. I got out of the house a little bit later than normal and then when I got to Starbucks, of course, new people working. They cracked me up with their excuses of why they're not ready. Our espresso machine was in a self-cleaning mode and we couldn't stop it. Uh-huh, sure, get there on time and then start everything up. Okay, anyway, I'm sorry we're moving on. Today.
Speaker 1:There is a bunch of crap in the news and I really don't want to go over it because everything is awful and gross. I don't like it. So you're going to get some Dear Abbeys. However, the first thing I will talk about a couple of things like this jimmy kimmel look, I hate when people do that, look, and I just did it. Um, I just scrolled through twitter and I saw a snippet from gutfeld last night. And cat temp I love cat temp, I really do, but sometimes the little girl is just wrong. I say little girl, she's not a little girl, she's a grown woman, she has a child now and she's been through a lot, but she was on there talking about how she's a free speech absolutist and the FCC this and the FCC that with the Jimmy Kimmel FCC didn't do anything, kat, and luckily there were a lot of people who were gently giving her some pushback on that little tirade that she went on. It's not the FCC child, okay, fcc chairman going on. Why is he going on the TV talking about this? Shut up, shut up. I will say this.
Speaker 1:Jon Stewart apparently came out and, um, it was kind of funny. Come on, jon Stewart mocks Trump in Daily Show. Reaction to Jimmy Kimmel getting pulled from ABC, from Comedy Central. It's all new government approved daily show with your patriotically obedient host, jon Stewart. An announcer began the show, in which Stewart wore a dark suit and red tie, similar to Trump's signature attire. You've got to admit that's funny. And there was somebody else too that also kind of poked fun.
Speaker 1:I can't remember who it was, but we're going to move on to the Dear Abbeys, because that's what we're going to talk about. I scrolled through the news and I didn't like any of it. It's all gross and nasty and icky and I don't want to talk about it. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to read three Dear Abbeys. Of course they're all fake. They're all fake. They have to be, but one of them is really fake that I created. So I want you to see if you can determine which one I created and which one, and which the ones I'm reading from New York Post. All right, here we go.
Speaker 1:Dear Abbey, my mom is in her early 80s. More and more often lately she seems to be avoiding seeing me and my siblings. It wasn't always like this. She would let me, my husband and our kids stay with her. When we visited, even last year, when she fell and injured herself, she let me stay with her for a couple of days to help out. She let me stay with her for a couple of days to help out my siblings have been saying they think she has been over them for a while. What my siblings have been saying they think she has been over them for a while, but I've only noticed it over the last year or so.
Speaker 1:Now even our phone conversations are shorter. We have lived more than five hours apart since I moved out after high school, but I always made sure to call her regularly. If I didn't call, I could expect the call from her to check in. However, now, if I don't call her, I don't. I won't hear from her. After asking about me and my family, she rushes me off the phone before I can ask how she's doing. Is this normal? Is she hiding something? Is she not feeling well? Should my siblings and I be worried? Or has she earned the right to step back a bit now that she's older? Oh no, you need to go check on her. She's a great mom and we all love her, her dearly. But sitting her down for a direct conversation isn't the norm for us. What do we do? Well, you need to sit her down and talk to her. That's what you need to do. Who knows what she's being influenced by if she's getting older? All right, dear concern, it may not be the norm for your family, but it's time all of you visited mom together and told her that her changes in behavior has you worried because it is out of the character. Yes, thank you. Yes, absolutely, you need to go do that. I don't know what's wrong with these people.
Speaker 1:All right, we are moving on to the next one, and it is uh, let's see, dear Abby, my neighbor insists on mowing his lawn at 6 am every Saturday. I wouldn't mind it if we were just. I wouldn't mind it if it were just the sound of the mower, but he also sings at the top of his lungs badly, think polka songs, off-key. I've tried earplugs, white, even blasting my own music, but nothing helps. I don't want to start a feud because otherwise, because because we otherwise get along fine, how do I tell him to stop without becoming the neighborhood grump, sleepless in suburbia? Well, I don't know that that is an awkward one, because you have your neighbors and your neighbors, your neighbors for a while and you really don't want to do that. So I don't know what I would do. I'd probably just ignore it or just go ahead and take it as a sign to get up and get on with my day. If you're not up by 6 am, you're missing it. All right, let's see, dear, let's see what dear abby says. Dear sleepless, you're not a grump, you're human.
Speaker 1:Six in the morning is not lawn mowing time? Yes, it is, unless you live on a farm and even then the cows don't sing polka Ha ha. The key is direct but kind words. But the key is direct but kind honesty. I don't think I would confront anybody, not in these days and times, not in this day and time, unless you know them already the next time you see your neighbor say something like hey, I love you that you take such good care of your yard, but the early start in singing made it tough for me to sleep. I don't give a rat's ass, get your ass up. Maybe that's the only time he can mow the lawn. How about that? You ever think of that? No, obviously not.
Speaker 1:All right, moving on to the next one, I don't know which one, let's see there's, oh gosh, hold on, dear Abby. How? No? Yes, I don't know if, dear abby, my fitness center has three rows of treadmills and ellipticals. One woman usually selects the front row. Like many in the gym, she wears tight leggings, which is fine. However, hers are stretched so thin across her buttocks that the fabric is semi-transparent. Although this is unsightly, it is not a huge deal to me, and I simply don't look at her or look her. If it's not a big deal to you, why are you writing, dear Abby, shut up?
Speaker 1:I wonder, though, if folks would generally prefer that someone gently mention tricky issues like this to them. It reminds me of seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the shoe of a skirt, or him stuck in the waistline. Now, I don't know if this is a dude or not, but if you're a dude, you do not go up to a woman and tell her that. No, sir, just for your own safety, okay. You don't go up and tell a woman I see your butt through your leggings. No, now, if it's another woman, maybe I think if I were wearing leggings I would want to be told, but I think also I would know better, because I usually look at myself in the mirror and that's one of the things I usually think oh god, does this look good? Do I need to wear this to the gym? I'm just self-conscious like that.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's see what dear abby has to say. I'm glad you asked before, trying to be helpful. In a case like it would be better to keep looking the other way rather than address your fellow gym rat. I didn't know what the dress code may be at your gym, but if you have a question about it, you should ask them. Okay, we'll ask the manager, whatever. All right, which one was made up and which ones were real? I mean, they're all made up, they have to be, but which one did I create and which one was from the New York Post? All right, that's all I've got, and that is the question of the day, which one's real, which one's fake. It's Friday. I hope you guys have a great weekend. The gent and I should be back Sunday with Brood Awakening and yeah, that's it. It's going to be hopefully a great day. Hopefully I'm going to be hopeful, optimistic outlook. Okay.
