The Relationship Sabotage Loop (and how to break it)

Click here for the full show notes 

Click here to download the pdf mentioned in the episode

If you’ve ever felt like the harder you try with a man, the further he seems to pull away—you’re not imagining it. In this episode, I’m breaking down The Sabotage Loop: the unconscious pattern that keeps high-achieving women chasing men instead of choosing them.

You’ll hear why chasing creates distance, how it keeps you stuck in what I call Problem Structure, and the exact mindset shift to move into Creation Structure—where you become magnetic to emotionally available men who actually want to invest in you.

What You’ll Learn:

• The real reason chasing creates emotional distance (and it’s not about playing games).
• The hidden ways high-functioning women “chase” without realizing it.
• How Problem Structure keeps you looping in the same unsatisfying patterns.
• What Creation Structure is and why it’s the key to creating the relationship you truly want.
• The simple shift that stops the loop and puts you back in your power as the chooser.

Want to know how your subconscious is shaping the way men respond to you?
In my free podcast miniseries, Available For Love, I’ll show you how to rewire your internal patterns (yes — even the ones your mirror neurons are reflecting) so you naturally attract emotionally available, masculine love.
Click here to listen to my new private podcast mini-series “Available For Love” to learn how to forever stop pushing away good men and learn how to make ANY MAN open his heart to you 💙

If you're tired of guessing what he's thinking, trying to be "chill" when you're actually anxious, or attracting men who pull away just when things feel real—The Winner Method will change everything.

You don’t need to do more. You just need to make a few key shifts that help a good man feel like a winner when he's with you.

🎥 Watch The Winner Method masterclass now and start inspiring the love you actually want.
💬 If you're ready for The Winner Method program, click here to grab it now for only $47

Want to open your heart so your energy is HOT and he knows your value just by standing near...

Transcript

Have you ever noticed that when you run after something, it almost always runs away? Let me tell you a quick story. A few weeks ago, I was doing my 10k steps around my community, and we have a cute little dog park. So I always stop to look at the cute freaking dogs that are there with their owners. I know so many of their names now. It's really fun to be there. Well, when I was at the dog park in my community, I saw this little dog break free from its leash and its owner started running after it, like full speed.

And what did. What do you think the dog did?

It ran faster. It darted around trees, zigzagging, staying just far enough away so the owner couldn't catch it. And it wasn't because the dog didn't like its owner. It's just how things work. When you chase something, you actually create distance between you and it. And the same thing happens in dating. When you're chasing a man, whether it's with your time, your energy, your texts, or your emotional focus, you create this invisible gap.

It's not that he doesn't like you, but your energy says, I need you to feel okay. Like, I need you in order for me to feel okay. And that neediness, that urgency, or that grasping energy, it makes people instinctively move back. They feel like they have to protect themselves and say, like, wait, why are you chasing me? And it automatically makes people subconsciously pull back. And here's the hard truth that you probably don't wanna hear. This is exactly what pushes the good, emotionally available men away.

The very men that want to choose you. It's what I call the sabotage loop. The sabotage loop in love.

It's so annoying. But I'm gonna break it down so you can understand why it's happening, where it's rooted from the opposite one that you wanna go into and exactly how to do it. So there's a massive difference between chasing a man and choosing a man. Chasing says, I hope you pick me. I'll adjust myself so you'll stay. I'll prove I'm worth your time. Choosing energy says, I'm already worthy.

I know what I want, and I'm willing to wait for it. I'm evaluating you just as much as you are rightfully evaluating me. Notice, one comes from lack, the other comes from love. Loving yourself, loving your future, love for the relationship that you're building. Okay? So this chasing energy comes from what I call a problem structure. Okay? I want you to think of a structure like a building, okay?

And the problem structure is when you're focused on what's missing. I don't have love, so I have to get it. I'm single, so I have to fix it. Like as if singleness is a problem that has to be fixed. I'm lonely, I need to get unlonely. I need someone to be with, right? This is a problem.

Like, it's a problem you have to fix. And a lot of women, myself included, used to approach dating and men and love and relationships from this place of a problem, fixing a problem. And here's the problem with the problem structure. It can only focus on fixing, fixing the problem, closing gaps, patching holes. And it keeps you in the energy of I'm not there yet. There's a problem I need to fix. However, choosing energy comes from what I call the creation structure.

Creation structure is when you focus on what you want to create. It's when your attention is on building the relationship that you desire. You not desperately patching over loneliness. Do you see the difference creation is from what do I want? I want to create this new thing. It would be really fun to have. And problem is, I don't have this.

I need to hurry up and get it. I need to fix it. So the moment you switch from chasing energy to choosing energy from the problem structure to creation structure, you will stop running after men and creating more of a gap and more of a distance, right? And so you'll stop running after men who don't stay and you'll start attracting the ones who do. This is a game changer. Okay, so I want to talk to you. I wanted to show you a little bit of some examples about the relationship sabotage loop, like what it looks like in relationships, give you like a really clear picture.

And then I'm going to break down the sabotage loop and the problem structure and the creation structure. By the way, I learned this from this really great book called you're not broken by Christopher M. Duncan. I'm going to link it below. It's so good. I kid you not. I have read it like five times in the past two weeks.

Like it blew my mind because just the way that he, he posed or posed. Is that a word? How he shared this concept of problem structure and creation structure. It was, I was like, this is exactly what the sabotage loop is. The one that I see in my head, the way, the way that I see it. And it really helped. It helped me and I.

And this is why I'm sharing it with you because this is not my concept. I got it from that book. Again, if you want to hear that book, it's so good. Definitely. Listen to it. I think it's chapter four where he talks about structure.

It'll blow your mind. So good.

Okay, so relationship sabotage. Loop. Okay. The problem, structure. So imagine this. You finally meet a man who's kind, consistent, emotionally available. Holy grail, right? Jackpot. He says what he means.

He shows up. He wants to really get to know you. And at first it feels exciting, but then suddenly you feel anxious, unworthy, like you need to do something to keep his interest. You start overanalyzing every text, and you may even feel the urge to test him or maybe even push him away because it feels really uncomfortable. Then it ends again, and you're left wondering, what's wrong with me? There's no good men out there. Men are. There's. There's something like love isn't real.

You know, just go into your brain about these definitive beliefs that you think are true, which are not. Okay? But let me assure you this.

Nothing's gone wrong. It's just your approach, because you're approaching love from the problem structure. Okay? They're not broken. But here's what's happening. Your identity. The person that you're approaching life from right now.

Like your self image. It's. Whenever I talk about identity, I think this is a big word that people are use a lot, especially coaches. And I don't think a lot of people understand what it means. It just means your self image, like how you see yourself, what you see yourself as. There's like this conscious one that you're like, I'm great. I'm strong. I'm confident.

But there's also a subconscious one, which is the one that if you don't admit and, like, understand that this is. This may be the one that you are in it. This is the one that sabotages everything. So the moment you admit it and if this resonates with you, I want you to consider that your self image may be coming from this problem structure. So I just want you to consider it. So whenever I say identity, I'm talking about your. Your self image again.

There's a conscious one that you. Circa 2025, like, if you're listening to this in the present, thinks of yourself as, like. I think of myself as like a great mom, a successful business owner, a really strong woman, very smart. I'm confident, like, all these things. But then there's like the. The shadow version of me, this other identity that jacks things up, the things that I'm not creating. I know it's because I'M not in.

I have a self image that's opposite to it. Because when you're aligned with both your subconscious and your conscious, they're both on the same page. There's no resistance. You create the thing right away. So if there's something you don't want, I mean, there's something that you want that you don't have in your life. There's an identity. There's an identity mismatch, and it's usually your subconscious one. Okay? So this is.

Your self image isn't lined up with the one that needs to. That you need to be in to create the result that you want. Right? If I'm like, I want to be a millionaire, I'm not in millionaire. I don't have a millionaire identity, or I believe I can be a millionaire subconsciously. Yeah. Okay. Especially if I'm not doing the things that will lead to it, to being a millionaire.

So all that to say your identity, your self image might be misaligned with the love that you say that you want. Right? Okay, so here's how I want you to see it. So many women that I. That I work with, especially myself, I used to be this way. And I'm still always, daily, every day, I'm always watching this. You've done the work. You're. You've done the healing. You. You've done the therapy.

You know your triggers, you know your trauma. You know that you were anxious or avoidant. You're disorganized, and you're. You know which men that you used to pick. You know what they do. You know what kind of man you want now. You want an emotionally secure man, and consciously, you know this, right?

But if it's not happening, or you're choosing the wrong guys, or you keep on feeling like there's no Goodman out there, I want you to consider, just in this episode that you're in the sabotage loop. You're in a problem. Structure your self image. Your identity is not in love. The love part of you, the conscious one, it's in fear. Okay? So let's.

Let's go on. So here's what's really happening, okay? According to the sabotage loop, when you've spent your life identifying with being not enough, too much, unlovable, abandoned, only valuable if you're performing perfect, pretty, skinny, successful, rich, smart, whatever, okay? Then receiving love from a healthy, emotionally available man will feel unsafe to your nervous system, to your brain, to your body, to your gut, to your everything. It will feel unsafe. And I'm going to explain what that means okay. It sounds so weird when people say unsafe.

You're like, I'm not. Not scared. Subconsciously. Okay, why?

Why will it feel unsafe? Why will getting love from a healthy, emotionally available man that you now have decided in 2025 that you want because you've done the work. Why does it feel unsafe to your nervous system? Because if you let yourself fully receive it, your old identity has to die. The old identity of not enough, too much unlovable right now. You have to step into. Oh. The person that does that can have love.

Okay, here's the jacked up part. Your subconscious mind doesn't want that. It doesn't want your identity to die. Why? Because that identity has gotten you this far. You're freak. How old?

However old you are. Right? I'm 45. My identity that I used to have is.

I'm a mistake. I make mistakes. I hurt people. I'm bad. I'm not enough. I'm not smart. I'm dumb.

Everybody always needs to help me. I can't do things on my own. All these horrible bad thoughts that I used to have, that identity has gotten me this far. Although it's not nice. It's like, Annabelle, those thoughts and all those behaviors that we've had based on that identity of us, Annabelle, it's worked like, we ain't letting that go. Why? Because the subconscious mind doesn't care about anything else.

And your brain, okay, two different things. Your soul and your brain. They only care about keeping you alive. They only care about survival. That's it. Just you breathing. They don't care for you to be rich.

They don't care for you to be in love. They don't care for you to be skinny. They don't care for you to have freedom. They don't care for you to have peace of mind. It doesn't matter as long as you're breathing. Your subconscious and your brain are like, all right, we're good.

We're good, right? So when you say, no, I want love now. I want love from a healthy man.

Your subconscious is I. What? You're trying to change who you are now? No. Nope. So it will sabotage it. Why? Because it doesn't want that old self image to die. Why? Because it's kept you alive and it works.

And when you're trying to do something new, the brain does not like new. Why? It likes the road of least resistance. So it likes the lowest effort. It wants no pain and it wants pleasure. Those three things, that's it. And your subconscious says so?

That's your brain, right? So your sub. And your subconscious is like, we only know I'm. I'm running off the program of not enough. That's the program that we have. So that's. So I don't know what you're doing.

Like, now you're lovable. We. We're unlovable.

That's the program that works. Annabelle. No, but if you're strong enough, if you're. If your conscious mind is stronger than your conscious mind, like, you'll. You'll be like, no, we're going to freaking date this guy.

He's amazing, right? And you.

But you're some. It'll feel hard. It'll feel painful. You'll feel insecure. It'll feel like kind of hard. But you're like, no, I want a good relationship. Right. The reason it feels hard is because you're trying to drag your subconscious, your old self image into this new relationship.

And it'll let. It'll. If you're stronger, it's going to eventually let you. But eventually, because you did it from the problem structure, you built it on the foundation of I'm not enough. I'm not lovable.

Like, it's like, oh, my God, I want to. I need to fix this problem. I need to get a guy. Right? It'll sabotage it. Why? Your subconscious will sabotage it because.

Not because you're weak, but because you're trying to imagine this. You're trying to stretch a rubber band around two conflicting identities to the woman who's deeply loved now that you want to be, versus the woman who's had to earn love, who's. Who's had to, like, work hard and doesn't feel like enough and has had to chase and has had to talk guys in and has into being with her. Has had to settle. Yeah. So you're. You're trying to do two different things and you're.

You're literally pulling a rubber band. That's how I want you to see two ends of the. Of the. You have one big, thick rubber band to both. Your hands are holding one end and you're just pulling. So it'll probably. It'll let you.

But it's going to feel tough. And as you move toward love, the old identity is still there, but it resists. It's like, nope, nope. This has gotten us so far, Annabelle. You're not gonna get love. This works. This is what keeps us alive.

What are you doing? We don't want to change.

So it resists. And it says if you let him in, you'll get hurt.

You're too much. You're not enough.

Play it cool. Don't be needy, right? It tries to, like, send you the old messages. But that old identity, that self image, that voice doesn't come from truth. It comes from the struct, the problem structure, the structure of resistance, right? That, that, that rubber band, that structure of resistance that says when I finally get love, then I'll feel safe and feel worthy and then I'm good enough, right? But that, but doing it that way is backwards.

We're doing it backwards, okay? This isn't the way you should be creating love. We shouldn't be going after love to solve the problem of loneliness, of singleness. Like, nobody wants me. I need. I'm so, so scared. Like, I need to get a guy.

Everybody else is getting married, everybody's having babies. My biological clock is ticking. This is not the way to go after a guy. And most of us don't realize this is how we're going after men, okay? You don't. And the reason I know this is because you, you're operating from this old structure, from the old one that you've had for 30 years.

20, 30, 40. I don't know how old you are. I'm 45. I did it for freaking 40 years. Right? We don't realize we're operating from that, but we are because we've never reprogrammed that old structure, okay?

But this is backwards. This isn't the way you do it. Here's what needs to shift, okay? You cannot create lasting love from a place of I'm not enough. No amount of dating advice will work if your identity, your self image is still rooted in fear, protection, or proving yourself. Instead, you need to. We need to change your subconscious identity, right?

And change it into I feel safe being seen. I'm chosen. I'm loved for who I am. Know that you're enough right now and allow love in without the need to perform or protect yourself, right? This is what breaks the loop. You have to start from that place. Your subconscious identity has to change first. Okay? This is what lets you receive the love that you say you want.

Does that make sense? So we need to recognize we don't want to do it from that place. We don't want to do it from that resistance, from solving the problem of singleness, solving the problem of unlovable, solving the problem of I'm lonely or nobody loves me. Okay? So imagine this. You show up on a date and you feel at ease in your body. You feel confident, calm, and clear.

You're curious about him, not consumed by how you're being perceived. You're fully in your worth whether he chooses you or not. And as a result of you being that way and ease in your body, right?

Confident, calm, clear. You're. You're curious about him.

Like, who's this guy? I need to get to know him. Not. You're not consumed by all your internal thoughts. You're not in your head and worrying about how you're being perceived. You're just focused on him and looking at who he is. Right? Fully in your worth.

Doesn't matter if he chooses you or not. You feel great. And as a result, he leans in.

He pursues you. He loves you. He commits. Why? Why does this happen? Because he feels safe and secure. He feels purposeful.

And he feels respected in your presence because you feel that way. Remember, men are always a mirror. Relationships are always a mirror. When you're in love and confidence, he will feel like he can love you and he's confident in you. Okay? That's what happens when your identity and your desire are no longer in conflict. There's no rubber band.

Both of you guys are just moving along together. You're a team, holding hands, subconscious and conscious. Going to Loveland. That's what you want. Okay, so let me ask you. Are you creating love from the energy of avoiding pain or from the energy of being the woman who is already already love? Like, you're already love.

You're not in avoiding pain. You're in creating the relationship you love. Two different things. Remember creating structure problem.

Structure problem is. Oh, my God, I don't want to get hurt. I gotta find a good guy. I gotta find a good guy. I don't wanna get hurt by the wrong guy. I'm so. Ugh. I hate being single.

I need to solve this problem of singleness. Avoiding the pain of that. Or are you coming from the energy of. I wanna create an amazing relationship. Right? Because you're. And this is.

Creation is from love. Who? Who's the best? Who's the most high? Creator. Guys. God. Who? What? Who is he?

He is love. Right? When you're in creation, just desire. Like when he just wanted to build the world, he just spoke it into existence. Yeah. You are the same way. You are made in his image.

You were a creator, just like him. But we forget this. We forget this because the devil, the enemy, gets in our fricking head and he wants to tell you because. Remember what happened to you? No, you mistake.

Oh, you're fat. Oh, you don't have your credit, whatever dumb crap that he wants to try to talk to you about and make you doubt that you are a creator, that you can, that you deserve love and that you could just create an amazing relationship because you want it. That is what God wants you to know. You are literally a co creator with him and he says if you desire it, you can have it. Right? You ask and you will receive. Knock and the door will open. Right? That's I want.

So I want you to ask yourself, are you creating love? Are you creating a relationship from the energy of avoiding pain or for the energy of creating a relationship? Because when you change that structure, the problem structure or creation structure, the sabotage stops, the patterns dissolve and real love flows in. Does that make sense? Okay, I'm going to explain a little bit more in depth the two different structures. Okay, so the problem solving structure, the sabotage loop looks like this. The focus of the, of the problem solving structure is I need to fix this.

The energy is desperation, urgency, fear, lack. And I'm going to put this in the show notes ladies, so you can look at it because I want you to have this like written out so you can see it. I'll put a, I'll make a really cool PDF so you can see the two different structures of the sabotage loop and the, and, and the creation loop.

So the focus is. This is what it's focused on. I need to fix this problem of singleness, of loneliness, of not having a baby, of needing a relationship, of needing a husband. This is a problem. No, but this is the focus, right? The energy is desperation, urgency, like fat. I need to hurry up.

I need to hurry up. Fear. Oh my God.

What if I don't get it? Lack, I don't have it. I need it. Okay, the identity, this is the, the self image of the problem solving structure. I'm not okay unless I change this. And then the outcome of this structure is what's called oscillation. Like it's just like a rocking back and forth.

It's just turning and turning. Okay, you make progress, but then you sabotage it. Why? Because the solving, solving the problem keeps the problem alive as your focus and your identity. Okay, I want to explain why this happens, ladies. Okay, well I'm, I'm explaining it a little bit below. But, but it's because you're in fear.

And when you're in problem. So when you solve, when you try to solve something from the problem, you started it from a problem. So when you have the solution, whenever, when you have the solution in hand, you're like, oh my God, I gotta keep the solution. I gotta keep the solution. If I don't have the solution and if it, if it changes a little bit, if it, if it looks the wrong way, oh my gosh, I'm gonna have the problem again. Think about. I'm. I'm not enough. I'm. When I have a guy, I'm enough.

So when you get the guy or the relationship, you're like, oh my God, I gotta keep him or else I'm not enough. I gotta keep him or else I'm not enough. The moment he like goes to work and you freak the f out, oh my God. And now you. Oh my God, I'm not enough. You're still in the problem. You see, you're in fear.

Fear creates fear. And you're. Here's what I want is to want you to see even more. Because you're in fear. You will attract a fearful guy, okay? You will attract an emotionally available man. You're not available at this place.

You're not coming from love. You're coming from a guarded, fearful heart. You're. This isn't an open heart. This is a guarded heart, okay?

So you just go. And so you'll get it. But then the moment you get it, your identity will sabotage it. Because it's like, no, we don't deserve love. Like, we're the person who doesn't deserve love.

Like we're the person who, who is. Is unworthy. So you will always sabotage it. Cuz your identity is like, this doesn't feel safe. You're taking me to a place. Love this Loveland. We don't know love.

We've never seen love. Your mom and dad didn't weren't in love. Like, you were like, no, we don't. We. This is bad.

Bad, bad, bad, bad. Your identity is like your subconscious says, this is. We don't like it. It's new. Your brain doesn't like new. Your brain doesn't like unsafe. It'll take you back. Okay? This is why it sabotages. Got it?

Okay, Now I want you to see what the creative structure looks like, okay? Not the sabotage loop.

The love loop. Its focus is I'm creating something I love. Okay? I'm creating a relationship I love. That's it. I'm creating a relationship I love two. It's. It's. It's energy is joy, wholeness.

Like I'm already complete. I'm so happy. Inspiration. Like, oh, I'm so inspired to like, like get this kind of have this beautiful relationship. Curiosity. Oh, I wonder what it's gonna look like. I wonder what it's gonna feel like.

I'm so cool. It's gonna be like, I'm so open.

But like, this is so fun. Okay. The energy is so different. It's so open. It's so. Just open. Okay? The identity.

So the self image of the creative structure, right? I'm already whole. I'm just expanding into more love. I'm already good. I'm already happy. I just want more love. I want. I. What I.

What do I want? I want a relationship that. That where I can give more love there. Remember, relationships are a place that you go to give love, right? I always say this over and over and over and over. If you don't have love, you can't give it. You have to be love. Okay? So that identity is.

I'm already whole. I'm already love. I already have love. I'm so happy. I just want this relationship because I want to expand and to have way more love. And the outcome of the creative structure is aligned action. Like remember, they're holding hands now.

Your identity, your self image and your conscious mind today both going into loveland. No sabotage.

Because it feels safe there. Why? Because it recognizes love. Why? Because you are love.

You're already happy love. And you're like, oh, so we're already, we're already feel safe in our body and now we want to feel safe in our body with a guy. Oh, cool.

We could do that. That's who we are. We're just. We love ourself now we're going to love ourselves there too. It's familiar. It doesn't feel different. The brain doesn't feel and your subconscious doesn't feel like, oh my God, this is scary. No. Why? Because you're already love yourself and it already knows that scary self.

Love is good. So it knows you're going to love yourself with a guy and it knows you're going to get more love. It's like we love the love train. It's good. Let's go together. Skip on down the freaking road, right? You're running together. No sabotage.

You move toward the relationship. You move toward more love with ease, with confidence. Because you're not doing it to fix yourself, but just to express yourself. Express the love you already have. Do you see the difference, ladies?

So freaking opposite. So amazing, right? So why this solving the being single problem will backfire? Here's why. It backfires when you approach love from the mindset of I'm tired of being alone, I need to find a man before it's too late. I want a baby, and time is running out and everyone else is married. I must be doing something wrong.

That mindset, right, of fixing that problem. You start from the problem orientation, which creates the sabotaging structure, resistance to rubber bands. Boom. You're going to go right back, right? That structure says, I'm not okay unless I have X, which your subconscious translates as, I'm not okay, period. This is not okay.

I'm not okay here. I'm not okay. I'm not okay here. I'm not okay there. Everything's. It's like, I'm fearful here. I'm fearful there.

We got to get. We got to. Gotta get back to at least something that feels a little more familiar. Oh, it's just being alone by ourselves and not okay here. And you're. And because the subconscious always protects your identity, it will fight to preserve the version of you, the old one that. It started off at the.

At the rubber band, right? So if your identity is rooted in loneliness, unworthiness, desperation, scarcity of time or scarcity of men or scarcity of, like, there's not enough men out there. I don't have enough time. And. Right. If you're. If you.

If you start from there, then love starts to feel unsafe. Because receiving love, right, because you're trying to take it somewhere it's never been, your subconscious, like, no, we don't go somewhere where you've never been unless you show me that it's good. I'm not freaking going there, right? So love starts to feel unsafe. Your subconscious goes, no, no, your brain says, no, we don't like new, right? Because receiving love would mean leaving behind the identity that has kept you safe, safe and alive all your freaking life. And that is even if it's been painful, even if your life has sucked, right?

If you've had freaking mental struggles and emotional struggles. Like, I have, like, ADHD and my freaking rejection sensitivity and all this stuff, even though that crap hurts, if I. If I. If I create something from that place, if I want to create something new from that place, my subconscious is going to sabotage it. Even. Even if. Why? Because that thing has gotten me here so far.

It's like, listen, it works, Annabelle. ADHD and rejection sensitivity and. And talking crap to yourself and inner being mean and being fat or whatever. Nope, it's worked. So we're just gonna stay here. So you'll sabotage.

You'll pick men who won't choose you back. You'll chase emotionally unavailable men. You'll over function to earn love. You'll get anxious and spiral with good men. You'll lose interest the moment a man wants to commit. And you'll push away the thing that you say that you want. Why? Because the structure of your love life is I need to fix what's wrong with me.

I hope you're getting this. And I want you to listen to this episode like as many times as you need to to get this. Okay. Download the PDF. It's so helpful.

Just click below. The link is there. You'll see it in the show notes. But when you shift into the creative structure, I want to just create a great relationship.

I just want to create. I just want to have a great relationship. I want you to notice. I'm not saying I want a great guy. No, a guy is one of the things that you need for the relationship. But I do not focus on the guy. He's like one of the mechanisms in it. But it's.

I want a great relationship. That's the end goal is the beautiful container of you and him together. Sure, you need a guy to get there, but that's the ultimate goal, Right? So when you shift into operating from the creative structure, I just want. It would be so beautiful to just have a relationship. You're no longer trying to fix being single. You're just creating a relationship you love.

You become a woman who says, I'm already complete. I just desire to share my heart with somebody that's equally whole. Like me, from that place. You're calm, you're magnetic. You make decisions from peace. You don't tolerate crumbs. You don't collapse around emotionally unavailable men.

Or you don't. You don't collapse around emotionally available men. Those guys don't scare you. You don't feel anxious or insecure. You let love come to you because you're not trying to escape a life that you hate, escape yourself anymore, because you're already in that place of love. Does that make sense?

I know this is clicking. I know it is. I know it is. God was like, annabelle, you need to share this today. I know. It is so. Right? So do you see?

Do you see the difference? Right. I really want you to see that this is the place of creative energy is. I'm already whole. Right? So if you've been trying to, like, fix your life, fix your love life, trying to solve the problem of being single and being lonely or running out of time to have a baby, you're actually keeping yourself stuck, right? Because there's two different, very two different There are two very different energies that you can create life from.

The problem solving energy or creative energy, right? The problem structure or the creative structure. The identity of I'm a problem or the identity of I'm.

I'm a creator, like God. I'm in the image of God. I'm already whole. Do you see the difference?

Oh, my gosh. If. If you do it from the problem structure, you love will never feel safe and you'll sabotage it the moment you get close. But when you do it from the creative structure, that energy makes love flow to you with ease because you're already. You're just like you see love.

You don't ex. You won't accept anything that's not that good for you, right? Here's what I want you to know. Love isn't a problem to solve it, is it? This is not like I want you to. I really want you to see this.

Love isn't a problem to solve. It's an experience to create. Right? Love is a decision. Love is a choice that you have. Love is a choice. You can create love out of thin air.

When you want to love somebody, you can just create that emotion and give it to someone. You can just create love for yourself and give it to you. This is a decision. It's not something that falls on your head. You don't fall into love. I hate. This is why Hollywood has programmed us with such false concepts and frameworks and mindsets.

You're not going to just fall into love. You're not just waiting for a guy to choose you, Right? You're creating it. When you decide you want one, you can create it from a really healthy place. And I feel like so many women stay in that fixing. Like you're the fixed singleness. And until you shift your focus away from fixing your singleness problem and toward just.

I want to create more love in my life because I'm already a woman who is loves and has a lot to. Has a lot of love to give someone who receives healthy love, who is secure with, you know, just being herself. If you don't do that, you'll keep getting caught in the sabotage loop.

You're going to keep going. You're going to keep going. That rubber band's only going to stretch so far and boom, you're going to go back. Okay, so let me ask you. Are you solving a problem or are you creating something you love? Are you solving the problem of being single or are you creating a relationship you want? Right. I want you to consider that.

Otherwise you're Going to keep getting caught in the sabotage loop. And I want you to see that they're two totally different places, and they're two totally different decisions. You can just choose to get out of the old one and get into this. Okay. All right. Let me look at my notes real quick. So I don't.

Because I don't want to forget anything that I said I was gonna say. Okay. If. So if you've been listening to this and you're thinking and about the. This is so me. I've been chasing. I've been trying to solve the problem of being single.

I really want to, and I want to get into the creation cycle. I realize now that I could just create a relationship. It's a decision, it's a choice. It's open to me, and it's a possibility.

And it's just a different mindset. It's just different behaviors. It's different beliefs. It's different emotions.

This can be taught, ladies. This is something that I had to teach myself, because you can. Here's what I want you to see. When you're changing, when you're evolving, you need to be in a really safe container. Remember, when you're going to do something new, your subconscious is like, nope, nope, this works, Annabelle. Like, being dumb and unworthy. This has kept us alive so far.

Let's just stay in it. Why do you want to go into another. Why do you want to go. Why do you want love? Like, this just works. Just be single. Like, it's kept us.

We don't get heartbroken this way. Right? But you're like, annabelle, no, I freaking want a relationship. If you notice that this is what you want, you can create it. And you're. If you're tired of doing that, you can just decide that that's what you want. But here's what's really important, what I've learned.

You have to be in a safe container to do it. You can't create love from fear. You have to create it from a very regulated place, from support, from. From. I would even say, like, other community. So you can see other people doing it. You can see that it's safe, that you're not alone.

This is really, really important. Or else you'll go back into your. Listen to your freaking old subconscious, right? Your. Your old beliefs and your old inner critic, and you'll get out of it. I. I've learned, like, my therapist is essential. My. My community is essential.

My friends, my sisters. Like, I need that.

I need God. I need the Bible, because I need to Remember that I'm.

Oh, that I can. I can create this, that I am a creator, just like God. I can create a relationship.

You don't have to wait for it. Okay? This is a decision, but you can't do it from fear. You can't do it from the problem structure. You need to do it from the creation structure. So if this sounds like something that you desire, I want to personally invite you to my brand new workshop called Be the Chooser, not the Chaser. It's a live workshop.

Hold on, I need to drink some coffee because my throat is. Oh, my gosh. Parched and. Sorry, I'm not going to edit this because I really want the organic feel of like, just riffing off and. And I like the podcast to just be not edited. It's just really important to me. Okay, so let me tell you about this workshop.

In this workshop, I'm going to teach you exactly how to shift out of that chasing energy, that problem structure energy, out of proving, out of the performing, out of overthinking, and into the creation energy, into the magnetic energy of a woman who knows your worth, who has standards, who know, knows you want to create a great relationship. And that. Because that person, that woman, that creation structure, you inspire men to pursue you from that place. I'm telling you, it's totally different. It's so different. Here's what you're going to learn in the workshop.

And if this isn't. Isn't something that you want, just turn it off. Because I'm going to go into sales mode. I'm going to go into talking about the. About the workshop. If you don't, if you're not interested, you know, turn it off.

See you next week. I love you so much.

I love you. And listen to this over and over and over and over. Okay? But if this is something that you want, I want you to keep listening. Okay? This is. You can change from problem to creation, and it's so, so easy.

Again, you need somebody to hold your. I promise you, I know that you need somebody to hold your hand through it. I needed somebody to hold my hand through it. I needed help. I needed guidance, and I've gotten myself out of it. I'm sharing you guys in this workshop. I'm going to share all of my personal, intimate issues that I had. I. I'm all about sharing it.

I don't like sharing it publicly, but because this is a paid workshop, I'm gonna share it with you guys, and you guys get lifetime access to it, and it's gonna Be great. So I'm gonna. I'm gonna read the. The sales page because it helps me get. Get really clear and just guide you really accurately about what this workshop is for. Okay. Live workshop.

It's called be the chooser, never the chaser. Right? It's. It's getting out of problem structure the chooser.

And getting out of. And being. I'm sorry, getting out of the chaser energy. Right? The problem structure. I need this. I need this urgency.

And coming from, choosing from. I just want to create. I'm choosing to create a relationship. This workshop is going to teach you how to feel confident with any man. Crystal. You're going to get crystal clear on your value and feel in total control of your love life. You. You're gonna learn the mindset and behaviors to stop feeling rejected, unsure, needy, and nervous with men.

I'm telling you, ladies, this is. You want to come to this workshop? It is a game changer. I've worked really hard the past couple months creating this. So here's what I want you to know. You're gorgeous, you're kind, you're successful, and yet the love life you want still isn't there. Right? It's not here yet.

You meet men, you attract men, but the right ones don't stay. Or they start strong, and then they disappear. And when you really like someone, you can feel yourself doing too much. You're leaning in. You're overthinking. You're trying to convince him or convince him that you're the one. This is what I call selling yourself. Okay? You sell yourself when you're in the problem structure, you chase.

And it's the number one reason women accidentally repel the very men they want. If this felt. If this sounds like you and this podcast is really resonating, you're in the right place, okay? Men aren't rejecting you. They're rejecting how you're showing up around them. You're in that chasing energy. You're in the problem structure.

Once you under. And listen, guys, nobody wants a problem. Like, nobody wants a pro. No, I don't want another prop. People are. People have problems of their own. A man doesn't want a problem. You're. If you're already a problem, like, let.

Like, let's think about this, right? I used to think I was a big freaking problem. No wonder I would sabotage my relationships. I'm like, I'm not worthy to have this guy. I'm a. I'm a mess. No, you're not.

Stop listening to the enemy, okay? You're just men aren't. They're not rejecting you, they're just rejecting to the energy that you have when you're showing up around them. Cuz you're in the pro because you feel like a problem and they're like I'm a freaking problem. Right. Subconsciously, once you understand the difference between selling yourself. Right. Chasing and I'm gonna teach you the concept of helping him buy, you'll never unsee it again.

It is such like a freaking cheat code. It's like a very amazing, amazing mindset shift. You're gonna go from selling yourself to helping a man buy. Because I've been in sales for over 20 years. I know sales psychology like the back of my hand. This is why I'm very successful at what I do as a coach. I have applied it in my love life and it has made the biggest difference.

I feel confident with men. Yes, I have moments where my brain wants to sabotage it, but I'm able to reel myself back in. Ladies, because of these concepts that I'm going to teach you in this workshop. You're going to go from chasing to choosing from selling yourself with eagerness and oh my God, please love me. I have a problem. A problem. I need to solve this problem.

To instead helping him buy. People don't like to be sold, but they like to buy.

Okay, but if. And you, if you help a man buy, you game changer. You're going to learn how to do this. It's the mindset shift that instantly puts you in the driver's seat of your love life. If this rings true for you, this workshop is for you. By the end of this 90 minute live workshop, you'll walk away knowing one, how to flip the dating power dynamic you've always had. You've always had the power, but you have been giving it to him.

I'm going to teach you how to flip the dating power dynamic back into your hands. You're going to learn the exact mindset shift that makes rejection like irrelevant, impossible. Okay. And why most women never see it. So you're going to. I want you to hear that again. I'm going to teach you one.

This is the first one. Flip the dating power dynamic that you've always.

You've actually always had. You're going to learn the exact mindset shift that makes you that makes rejection impossible and why most women have never seen this. You're going to learn the one thing you must stop doing immediately if you want the right man to lean in. Okay? Number two. You're going to Learn how to attract and keep the right men. You're going to learn, number two, you're going to learn why you've been attracting every type of man and the simple filter that decides who stays.

So there's a reason why a lot of women say, like, you know how you say you need to attract emotionally available, available men. I'm going to explain to you why you've been attracting emotionally and emotionally available and emotionally unavailable men. And the simple filter that helps you decide who stays. Like, you're going to be very confident with this. Plus the five non negotiables who. The five non negotiables you must define before choosing a partner and the hidden reason why you keep ignoring them.

This isn't a. This is like something I want you to think of. This, this is a full system, ladies. This is like such an amazing, amazing system so that you can use this later. Even if you're not like fully, fully ready to date or you're dating right now, you can still use this later.

Keep it forever. Use it later. Okay? Number three, you're going to learn how to date with the energy that inspired.

Inspires his commitment. No more consuming you. No more using you and not committing to you, okay? It's going to inspire him to choose you and only you and want to stop dating other women. Okay, you're going to learn here, number three, why you've been attracting every type. Oh. Oh. I did not put that.

I did not change this one. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Ooh. Okay, I. I need to fix that, but I'll. I'll explain what this one is. So you're going to learn how to radiate confidence so he can't help but see you as the one without games.

You're not going to play games. And without pretending. So you. So many people have tactics and strategies, ladies. Like this. Play the black cat and play hard to get. Make him miss you.

No, no, none of that. We're not doing that here. Okay? You're gonna learn exactly how to radiate confidence and how to be in creation energy, helping him buy, right? So that he can't help but see you as the one without. And you're never gonna play games. You're never gonna be pretending.

You're not gonna feel like you're being inauthentic. And then you're gonna have to go back to your normal self. No, you're always gonna be yourself. Always. You don't have to change in order to be loved. Okay? Number four, you're gonna understand how Men really work and how they need.

What they need to fall in love. Okay, you're gonna learn the street, the three stages every man must go through before he commits. We talked about this last week, but I'm gonna give you deeper, deeper knowledge. Okay? The three stages that he must go through before he commits and how to move him through them. How to move him through those three stages naturally. You're never gonna feel like you're pushing.

You're not gonna feel like you're proving. You're not gonna feel like you're rushing. It's gonna feel so natural. Okay, here's what I want you to see. He's gonna feel like he's the one doing it. Okay? You're not.

He's gonna think that he's in control the whole time, when really you are controlling and choosing everything. Okay? You're gonna learn how to unlock his provider instinct. So he wants to give to you, he wants to pursue you, and he wants to commit to you. And number five, you're gonna walk away with a complete dating blueprint. You're gonna have the exact plan to create the love life you want and the man who fits it perfectly. You're going to learn how to instantly spot who's worth your time and who's not.

All without second guessing yourself. How amazing is that? Bottom line, ladies, you'll leave knowing the exact mindset shifts, filters, and communication tweaks that make the right man feel like he chose you and keep choosing you without you ever having to chase. And you're going to feel like you were in the driver's seat the entire time. You're not going to feel rejected, you're not going to feel needy. You're going to feel strong, confident. These are actual practical things that I'm going to teach you.

Mindset things to think about, feelings to embody, how to have those feelings, how to show up, what to say, what not to say. This is like actual practical tools that you're going to learn. You're going to leave with the whole system. Okay? So here's the details.

It's Wednesday, October. October, Wednesday, August 27th. And sorry, ladies, if you're listening to this in the future. So if you're listening to this in the future, after August 27th, you can buy this workshop. You're going to be able to buy it and, and watch it later. Okay? You can, you can watch the recording, you can watch the Q and A, you can watch everything, and you can get all the.

All the things that I offer in this. If, if this event has already passed. Okay? But trust me, you want to be there live. Okay? So it's Wednesday, August 27th at 6pm PST. I'm in Southern California.

It's at 6pm and it's a 90 minute live workshop. After the 90 minute live workshop, it's going to be on zoom, okay? And it's. You're going to have. We're going to have live Q and A after the workshop. You're going to get a PDF of all the information presented in and worksheets presented in the workshop. You get lifetime replay access to the workshop especially.

And because I realize some people may not be able to show up live. Okay? And if you have questions, you can ask me beforehand and I'll. Maybe I'll be able to answer them there. So you'll get lifetime access even if you can't. Even if you can't attend. But here's the thing, you're going to get a bonus gift if you show up live.

Okay, here's who this class is for. This class is for. This workshop is for you. If you're tired of feeling like dating is a guessing game and you wish you had a clear plan that actually works, it's for you. If you've been overthinking over giving, over analyzing every man you date and it's exhausting, this is for you. If you secretly fear rejection, heartbreak, or choosing the wrong man. Again, this program, this workshop is for you.

If you've done therapy, journaling, coaching, but your results still don't match the relationship you want. Okay, this is for you. If you attract men easily but the right ones don't seem to stay, this is for you. If you feel like you have to sell yourself to keep a man interested, you feel like you have to do the work. Okay, this is for you. If you find yourself rushing or pushing relationships forward instead of just letting them build naturally, this program is for you. If you've settled for men who feel safe but aren't truly the right man for your future, they're not the right fit.

You get them and you're like, oh, I don't want him. I have to let him go. Okay, when you settle, this workshop is for you. If you wanna feel calm, magnetic and fully in control with any man in any situation. And this workshop is for you. If you're ready to start dating, you're ready to stop dating from your fears, and you're ready to start filtering men for your future. You don't need to change who you are.

You just need to embody this chooser energy, you need, need to be in the creator energy, okay? You need to get out of the problem structure. And I'll teach you how to do it, because here's what I want you to know. When you have the right mindset, the right energy, and a clear plan when it comes to creating the relationship you want, rejection stops existing, okay? It doesn't happen anymore. You don't get nervous. You don't get scared.

You don't get anxious. You feel confident showing up because you know know what to do. You know what not to do. You trust yourself. You feel really confident. This workshop will give you the exact shifts to feel confident, secure, and in the driver's seat of your love life. So. So you only invest in man who are men who are ready and able to invest in you.

You're going to stop wasting your time. You get, ladies, this workshop. You get all this for 1 97. $197. This, and this is the early bird price, okay? If you're listening to this, I am talking about this workshop on August 14th. So you have more than a week, okay?

And so this program, it's 1 97. Click below to get your seat. Now, I wanna keep this workshop small, ladies, because I want it intimate. I want to have enough time to answer women's questions. I don't want you guys to stay up till crazy late. Although, listen, I'm gonna be there all night for whatever questions you have, But I want it to be small, intimate. So I'm limiting the seats.

I'm limiting it to 100 women, okay? So, and here's what I want you to know. The price goes up to 297 on August 22nd.

The workshop is on August 27th. Okay? So if you get this before August 22nd, you get it at the. At the early bird price of 197. So if you. You want this, secure your spot. Now, ladies, this is going to be a workshop.

This is going to be a program. It's not a program, but it's. It's a workshop. And eventually it's going to turn into, like, something you can buy later. But I want you to have this now. I want you to be there, okay? You get lifetime replay access, okay?

And it's only going to be more expensive, ladies, when you buy it later, because it's going to. Because I'm going to do tweaks to it. I'm probably going to add things to it. It's going to be more if you buy it later. I know it is, because I'm probably gonna turn this into a program later. So I want you to come join me live. If you've never experienced my coaching, if you've never gotten coaching from me, if you've never, or if you've worked with me and you wanna work with me again.

This is something all new that I created because I needed these tools to function in a healthy, stable, calm way with men. Because I wasn't able to do it and I had to learn. I had to create all these different mindsets and thought processes and things to make me feel really confident with my ladies. I feel confident with any man. Okay? I didn't before. I was scared.

My rejection sensitivity made me really nervous. When I have these tools, I feel really, really confident. I'm not creating things from the problem structure. I want you to see. You can create relationships from the creation structure. It you're not solving a problem of singleness. This isn't a problem. And. But if you think it is, you need this program. Here's why.

Because once, once you start approaching your love life from the creation structure, from you are a creator and you get a relationship just because you want changes your subconscious, it changes your identity. You completely rewrite it. Okay? You can rewrite your identity through audio programs and things like that. Like the tools that I have and I'm gonna always gonna suggest those to you. I need those tools because my brain is a little butthole sometimes and it always tries to take me back to just being single.

And I don't want. I want a beautiful relationship. Right. I was gonna say I don't wanna be single. No, it's not that I want love. I wanna give a man love. I wanna want companionship and I know that I deserve it.

And you can create it from doing subconscious work. That's one of the ways to do it. But the other way to do it is what you'll learn is you have to understand men and you have to understand how to create things. You have to understand physical conscious action. Your conscious mind has to work with your subconscious. You don't get things just because you wanna manifest it. You don't get things just because you want it.

You have to work towards it. You actually have to create do things. And I've learned that a lot of, a lot of you guys aren't doing the work, aren't doing taking the actions because you just don't know what they are. You don't know the mindset to have. You don't know the thoughts to have. You don't know the feelings to how to embody those feelings, how to actually feel. Calm yourself, what to do.

And I want to teach you all that. I've. I teach this to my girls in Segura in my group coaching program. Program. I want you to have this. And then if you want more support, I'm going to talk to you later at the, at the event to learn how you could work with me a little bit more. But this is the workshop of all workshops, you guys. I've. I've only done one workshop in my six years of coaching.

I have been working on this and it's going to be such an amazing workshop. If you're ready, click below. Get it now for 197, the price goes up to 297@ on August 22, and then it goes up to 397 on August 26. You do not want to pay double the price. Why would you. If you want, if you know you already want to go, just get it at 197. Okay, I would, I want.

I'd love to see you there. Listen to this, this, this podcast. I'm like, what am I talking about, a podcast? How's this a video? What is, what is this? Listen to this podcast a couple times. Understand the problem structure.

And if you want the PDF, click below so you can get the PDF so you can see what the difference between the two. Send this to a girlfriend that you know needs it. Send this to a friend that you know needs to listen to it. Listen to this a couple times. And if you want to start creating being in, in charge of your love life, instead of feeling like you're waiting around for somebody to choose you, join this workshop. I can't wait to see you there.

I love you. See you next week.