Road to Radical Visibility Show/Podcast
Road to Radical Visibility Show/Podcast
Becoming Unapologetically Authentic: To Yourself & In Relationships
If you've ever felt:
→ the pressures of not being enough in your business, motherhood, your relationship or any other part of life ,
→ you've been so busy taking care of everyone else you forgot about yourself,
→ wait, this isn't me, what is going on?
or
→ tired of conforming when everything inside of you says, "oh hell no" but your fear holds you back,
🙌 Then push that play button or get on over to your favorite podcasting platform or my YouTube channel to listen/watch this epic episode.
Get ready to strap in for a real, unfiltered chat with the badass relationship and communication expert, Leah Sefor. She's about to drop some truth bombs on being unapologetically you and why radical visibility is the key to unleashing your power. We're diving deep into the journey of women as they navigate the often expansive and treacherous path of self-discovery, battling against societal expectations. Brace yourself for the harsh reality of seeking validation from external sources and the toll it takes on our quest for authenticity.
But hold on tight, because it's about to get real. We're getting raw and honest about the dark side of motherhood, and the overwhelming shame and guilt that comes with not fitting into society's mold of what a mom should be. Forget about fake it till you make it, because both Leah and I quickly identified this wasn't for us. We're spilling the beans on how we found the confidence to embrace our true selves, flaws and all. Let's get brutally honest, it can feel like a shit show (at times) and we are doing it anyway. You'll learn, feel inspired and motivated to do the same, live 100% as you!
And that's just the beginning. We're digging deep into the need for more than just basic self-help tools. We're talking about the absolute necessity of having an accountability partner, a mentor or kickass peeps around you.
No matter where you are in your journey to living your life exactly the way you want to without the shame and guilt you will be inspired by this episode.
Want to learn more about Leah? Check out her links below.
Website: https://www.leahsefor.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/leah.sefor/
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leahsefor/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/leahsefor
YT: https://www.youtube.com/leahsefor
TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@leahsefor
Did you have an Ah-Ha moment from this episode? I would love to hear about it! No seriously, I want to hear from you! Send me a DM or email at rachel@rachelfreemonsowers.com.
Watch more self-empowering content on my YouTube Channel.
Want more inspiration and empowerment connect with me on social:
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#LGBTQ+ #LGBTQ+business #visibilitymatters #timetoshine #RoadtoRadicalVisibility #RachelFreemonSowers
I see a lot of women in their 40s going through this and I think in the past we would have called this the midlife crisis and I've always referred to it as the midlife awakening. Like I said at the beginning of the call, women, and not just women. You know we've spoken a lot about women, but men and women in their 40s come to a lot of a. Is this still the path I want to be walking, like I've walked this for most of my career and my adult life? It's a bit of a hitting that intersection in your life to go.
Speaker 1:I've been driving straight. Do I want to turn left? Do I want to turn right? Do I want to stay on this road and doing a whole reframe of who you are for now, using all of your huge experience and know how and knowledge, but maybe creating some new version, some new identity that's more lined with where you find yourself at this age, versus repeating stuff from a previous decade just because there hasn't been a conscious re-calibration or re-creation of. Is this still how I want to show up in the world?
Speaker 2:Hello, beautiful people, just a little warning listening to the Road to Radical Visibility podcast may result in you feeling confident AF, free from the expectations and opinions of others, and give you the ability to create ultimate self-trust in who you are, what you say and how you show up in every part of your life. I guarantee you this episode will empower you to be 100% yourself 100% of the time. No shame or guilt needed. Now let's dive in. Hello, my beautiful friends, and welcome to another episode of Road to Radical Visibility. My name is Rachel Freeman Sowers, also known as the break free bitch, because I am passionate about helping people just like you break free from the toxic social constructs, expectations and beliefs that have been holding you back from living your life exactly the way that you want to. And if you've hung around here for very long, you'll know that my personal and my professional motto is being 100% yourself 100% of the time. No shame or guilt needed, and you'll notice I have a little bit of a different background. This is something I'm exploring and loving. So much is recording these podcasts and show episodes for you while I am traveling. So it's going to be a lot more of this kind of thing and I can't wait to show you all of my adventures. All right, my friends I have. How do I want to?
Speaker 2:I have a powerful guest today and we met and we had like this instant connection. You know how you meet people and you're like, oh, you know, yeah, I'll schedule some time and yeah, okay, we'll get to know each other. But when my guest and I, you can see her right now. When my guest and I met, it was just like, oh shit, this is going to be a fantastic fucking relationship where we're going to empower each other and all those things. Okay, so I could go on for days about that, but let me introduce her to you right now.
Speaker 2:My guest today is Leah C4. She is a well-known relationship and communications expert. She is a straight talking life coach another reason why she's on the show Author, podcaster and speaker whose work is all about what it means to be real. Just saying she has worked globally for 29 years transforming personal, romantic and professional relationships with her conscious relationship design Process and dynamic communication profiles. Her work is advances, connections and relatability in all types of relationships. As well as being a speaker and author, leah runs an online coaching practice where you can book personal and and relationship sessions. She also works with many companies around the world, facilitating business coaching and workshops to evolve connections, relatability and communication in the workplace. Take a deep breath, everyone and please help me.
Speaker 2:It's so good, though right, it just like lights me up every time. Please help me. Welcome Leah to the show. Leah, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here and being on the show.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I'm so excited to be here. I love your energy. We have, just like you said, connected instantly. I think we resonate on the same level with so many different ideas and ways that we both choose to show up in the world, and I've just loved just this amazing time of meeting you and the new energy you know that's coming into both our lives, so I'm really excited to be here. It's going to be a great talk today.
Speaker 2:It is and we don't. Today is unscripted. Leah and I talked a little teeny, tiny bit, but I'm just like listen, this is what I want to highlight, this is how I want to talk about it, and you are going to want to stay through this whole entire show because there's going to be nuggets, golden nuggets, throughout the show. So don't log off early, don't hit the pause button. If you have the pause button, come back, but you will not regret listening to this entire episode. All right, my friend, so you know, I told you one thing. This one thing I told you is that every guest I have on the show, the first question I ask is what does radical visibility mean to you?
Speaker 1:It just means being utterly non-negotiable about who you really are and showing up and I know it's a very overused word authenticity but really that's what I mean by my work is what it means to be real. Like who are you really? What is your real self? And radical visibility is being that real self, no matter what the world or the people in it think about you and it's really hard. Everyone has a judgment but it's about stop conforming to who others want you to be and just choose to show up as your true, real self and fly your freak back flag baby, like whatever that thing is for you, like you've got to own it and that's why you're here.
Speaker 1:You were birthed into this world as this remarkable, unbelievably unique creation and being. There's never been anyone like you before. There will never be anyone like you again. So why are you trying so hard to dress like other people and do your hair like other people and speak like other people? And, you know, live your life according to some random social construct that we know is bullshit and like it doesn't work. So radical visibility is being who you are and paving a way for other people in your life to find the courage in their lives to be who they are through the light that you shine, by being that visible, true, authentic self.
Speaker 2:Well, there you have it. We could in the show here, but we're not going to surprise. I mean like, seriously, I mean again, you'll notice if you're listening to this in the podcast or watching on the YouTube channel. Now, you know exactly why I've asked Leah to be here because we need to support each other in this journey of being fully ourselves, whatever that means to us, right, and you and I both know, because we met through a mentor that we both have, and you and I both know that there are so many things that influence our inability to show up as our real selves.
Speaker 2:Also, there's so many things that are inhibiting us because we think we're this thing that we've been told our whole entire lives and then it comes to find out is that that is not ours anyway, and we want to transition and transform and do all of these have this awakening, so to speak, within us to be like I'm not going to conform anymore. You mentioned like it's non compromising, non negotiable. I think your word was non negotiable. Mine is it's. My life is not compromising anymore, right, I'm not compromising on how I want to be.
Speaker 1:It's something that I definitely see women really only get to like through their forties and beyond, like this unwillingness to compromise. I don't know. Like you know, there's always that meme that goes around of like, don't start with women in their forties because they're filled with rage and sick of your shit, and I feel that way. I feel like women in their forties are done. They are done trying to conform in the workplace. They are done trying to compromise huge parts of their life for family. You know, if we're being really real and honest here, like a lot of women, it's like their husbands come first, their kids come first, their partners come first, their work comes first. You know women are the eternal martyrs of everybody else before me, but something about arriving in your forties is like I'm so done living that way and it's.
Speaker 1:It is really hard when your entire social construct is created in the first, I'd say, seven years of your life. Like the initial time of your life where you are creating your identity and who you are in the world is dictated to you by your caregivers, which for most people are their parents, unless you raised. You know in a different circumstance, with grandparents or aunts and uncles, or you know with other caregivers. But you are think about this you're being raised by people who themselves don't know who they are. They have no sense of self. They don't know who they are in the world. They are repeating the patterns of their parenting. That just gets put on you and this is this ridiculous generational social stuff that we all abide by without stopping to go.
Speaker 1:Actually, is this relevant anymore? Is this who I want to be anymore? And yeah, being in this group with you is a powerful group of women who you know it's. What is it? What does it mean to be a mom? What does it mean to be a business owner? What does it mean to be in the world? And it's a tough question, and a lot of women who are highly realized in themselves and have done a huge amount of work on their lives still asking that question. It's, it's tough. It's tough that, no matter what you do, you still stuck with this thing of what does it mean to be a woman in 2023, showing up powerfully in all areas of our life, and it's a journey.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I think you know, when we talk about those formative years and you know you mentioned like it does keep passing on and if it was just you and I have talked like if it was just a mindset thing everyone says like, just shift your mindset, you know, and they and for me mindset means it's cognitive right but these things don't just go away because you're like, oh hey, I'm not going to do this thing anymore, I'm going to be my real self and people not knowing who they really are, right, and then just teaching you in the best way that they have learned or whatever right Is that kind of passing down that you talked about?
Speaker 2:It's almost like it takes a deeper level of work. It takes a deeper level of let's just say, too, for your expertise. It takes a deeper level of communication with yourself, with other people. The other thing I wanted to highlight is women are still asking that question because we have been taught to shame ourselves this whole entire time. So we continue to self doubt, we continue to self shame, we continue to say am I right? Am I right, instead of saying I ultimately trust myself?
Speaker 1:Or am I allowed to, you know, am I allowed to be the authority in my own life without someone telling me who I'm allowed to be, who I should be? You know, this is something I've struggled with massively as a mother. Is this real expectations in a social construct of what motherhood is, what it means, and that from the time of pregnancy this was, it's like? I've never found that thing, and I've spoken to a huge amount of women who have had this shared experience where you're supposed to be so happy, you are supposed to be so fulfilled. There's this natural mothering instinct. It's like I don't know what this mothering instinct myth is that people speak about, but I haven't spoken to a single mother on earth that has instantly had that connection with their baby, instantly had that mothering know-how. But you expect it to just know and we wait for, you know, we compare ourselves to the social thing of what it means to be a mother, an effective, workable mother.
Speaker 1:You know what dictates being a great partner or businesswoman, and it's we still women still look outside of themselves to seek external authorization for them to be who they want to be in the world, no matter who it is. I'm just going to ask my husband what he thinks. I don't know. I'm just going to run this by my friends. I think I'm just going to let me just talk with my parents first. You know, a lot of women have this thing of like I've got an idea of what I want to do or how I want to be different, but I need to check with somebody else first to see if it's okay if I do that.
Speaker 2:Yes, I have never. I never felt that instant mothering. I've never been someone that is totally and I'm going to. I've faced judgment about this. There could be more judgment about it, that's totally okay. You can have your opinion and it's not going to change my reality. It's not going to change me.
Speaker 2:I've never been this highly nurturing mom. I've never wanted to stay at home with my kid. I've never except when she was a baby, really put my kid before myself, Like it just, it just wasn't there for me and there was so much guilt, so much shame about oh, you don't want to do this for your kid, you wouldn't do this other thing and all of the things that we as women, you know go through when we have a child. And now, you know, post-partum depression is something that's more well known, but even when I had my daughter 30 years ago, we didn't talk. You didn't talk about that, Like you just picked up and you just kept doing whatever you had to do, right, and so I think that's a very real thing for women, of where that starts.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that you know this is interesting. We've come to this topic because this really was like the start of my whole journey with my coaching work of how do you, how to get real was actually after moms and tots group. So you know I'd had my, you know you, you've got those moms and babies groups that you know you. I was recommended, um, my daughter was, I think, four weeks old at the time. It had been a difficult time with her. She wasn't feeding properly, she wasn't putting on weight, like we weren't sleeping. It was rough Three weeks after babies born. Is is hell, for lack of a better word. Um, and my midwife at the time has said you know, there's this great moms and babies group. Why don't you go? And in your mind you think, wonderful, I'm going to spend a morning with other new moms who are all in the state that I'm in, somebody who can relate to me, that I can relate to and we can talk about what's going on.
Speaker 1:And I arrived at this room and there were 13 of us and I mean I looked like hell. I don't think I'd had a shower that day. I had baby puke on my clothes, my hair was greasy, I just like you know, you get to that point we just don't care anymore. And I arrived with with my daughter and I thought I had walked onto the set of the stepford wives because every woman in that group was immaculate. They had these beautiful, they were all dressed beautifully, all their hair was washed and blow-dried, a lot of them were wearing makeup. They looked stunning and I was stuck. What, what is what is going on? Where are the real moms?
Speaker 1:And the lady started the conversation. The host started with a woman on my left and she said you know like how's it going and what's happening with your baby? And this woman started speaking and you know that very sing-song voice. We're like, oh, this is so wonderful and I'm just living my bliss and my baby. I never knew I could feel this much love and I just watched my baby sleep and everything's wonderful. I'm kind of I'm trying really hard to have a new profession expression to this, but I'm looking at her going what, anyway? She then asks the woman next to her. And the woman next to her and I, every single woman had the story. I'm feeling so in love with my husband. We are just in the most amazing space. My child is sleeping right through the night. Oh, like she's feeding properly.
Speaker 1:I, I, really I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone and it came all the way 12 of them all spoke like this and it got to me and I said well, I, I can't relate to what any of you are going through, because I'm living a total nightmare. I said I'm hating every minute of this. My child is not sleeping, my husband and I can't stand to look at each other. My body is in pain. I feel like totally disconnected from myself. I'm scared all the time. She died. Like I sit with that mirror seeing if she's breathing while she's sleeping. Because I'm so freaked out. I said so like I'm just like not having, I'm not enjoying anything about being a mother. And the lady on my left went oh, thank God, somebody said it, I feel exactly the same as you. So I thought.
Speaker 1:And then, like Domino's, the whole race of the group. Suddenly all the masks came off and all the women were like you know me too, hating it. I want to stab my husband in the eye with a fork. I can't. My child is not sleeping, my boobs are sore from brace feeding, like, suddenly everybody was like real and I said to everybody. I said what, what was that? What was that? Bullshit, or going around and you're all pretending that everything is completely okay in this space. That is specifically for new mothers who are really struggling. And if we can't even be real with each other in the scariest times of our lives, what are we actually doing here? What are we doing? So? It was a real a half a me of like women can't even support women to be real because you have to look good. You know, it's this one upmanship with a lot of women, and I've spoken, you know, even in our group. I've spoken with other women about this, this thing of sisterhood People like to use it with women, like women love to use this word.
Speaker 2:And get ready and a lot of my experience. Yeah, get ready, we're going to go off right this.
Speaker 1:You know, I just think most of the time this idea of sisterhood is total bullshit, like I just think women are unbelievably competitive with each other. They're all this is one upman. It's who's thinner, who's prettier, who's got the nicer husband, who's got the bigger business. It's this competitiveness all the time. Sisterhood absolutely exists. Our amazing you know I'm going to be all superior here and go our amazing, you know, classic, like group that we're in, we're sisters. But it's rare. It's rare to find it where you can just show up.
Speaker 1:And the reason I knew this was an amazing platform for us was in that first call there was no bullshit, like everybody was just putting air or the real stuff out there. But women get scared to do this and it's the thing we've got to explore as women of why, why we do this to each other. Because that's where I was, like this is what my work has to be about. I can't. I can't watch one more person go into the world thinking that they have to put on some facade that they think everybody else will find acceptable and then die inside while they're trying to pretend to be this thing that they're not. It's entire. So hugely into the work that you do.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, you know, with the LGBTQ plus community and and all, I mean women too. But when I speak of the LGBTQ plus community, it's so much of if you do this, then you're good enough, but then you're still not good enough. You know, and how we're told that by so many people around us, even by family members, who say I love you and then vote for the person that wants to take away your rights. I mean, like you know, it's on a deeper level and I will say you know, we do have this awesome group that we're with, and there are still times in that group when I'm I'm just this raw and real and I think I cuss more than anyone else in the group and sometimes it's even just still in that moment, reminding myself no, this is a space where I I'm wanting to do this, because there will be feelings, complete transparency.
Speaker 2:There will be feelings like, oh, is this person going to be offended if I say the F word, you know, five times, because it's how I need to express myself right now. Or what will they think of me? And I need to remind myself in that moment because these thoughts happen. I am human, you are human. This is what will happen in that moment. Then comes back this ultimate self-trust and like no, you trust that they will take care of themselves and you take care of yourself, right? And that's kind of like a sisterhood thing.
Speaker 1:We seeing this a lot, though this is such a good point you brought up of this. This world we are now living in where everybody is offended and triggered by everything and it's creating a new dynamic of pretense. So people have fought for years to own their authentic selves, but then their authentic selves is being met by this. You know, without putting down the real side of it, but this like wokeness of you can't say that because I'm offended. You can't look like that because I'm triggered. You can't put, you know, the gay flag outside your house because I'm offended. You can't swear because I'm triggered.
Speaker 1:It's like suddenly I'm like hold on your offense and your triggering is your work. That is your work. And like, where does that responsibility lie of me going back into having to suppress myself or conform or shut down again after I've fought so hard to step into my authentic power because you are offended? Your offense, not my responsibility. To ease you. Look at that.
Speaker 1:What is your offense about? Is it because you were taught you're supposed to be offended by stuff like this? Is it a belief system you have that you're supposed to be triggered because, socially, this is what other people do? When this situation happens, it's like people have lost the ability to have some critical thinking around. You know triggering and offensiveness in today's society and it's a new oppression. It's a new oppression of people feeling I can't say what I need to say because it's going to upset others. It's a fine line. It's not saying that you just get to go and be a total bull in a china shop and create, you know, destruction. But I'm not here talking about people who are intentionally meaning harm. I'm talking about people who are being who they are in the world and being told you can't look like that, speak like that, dress like that, behave like that, date that person according to who. You don't get to give me those rules.
Speaker 2:Well, and you brought up like having people use critical thinking. But also, how do you turn inward to have real self-actualization? So I believe in the online world and all this kind of spirituality and ascension and all these things. That's really great. But even within that, it tells you to do it a certain way. And if you don't do it this way, or you don't look like this or you don't have these kinds of ways of being, then you're not really gonna self-actualize either. So I feel like it runs the gamut. It's like a thread that runs throughout several, several ways that we interact in this country.
Speaker 1:And in the kind of self-development, self-help industry, it's something that I call spiritual bypassing. So you have this kind of idea that you've done the work and you do your journaling every day and you go on retreats and you do the yoga and you belong to three online groups where you do this kind of work and you kind of start convincing yourself that you're awakened or you realized or you're enlightened because you do these tools, but you still can't have a real, honest, direct conversation with your partner. You still can't engage your children in any meaningful way, you still can't show up in the work and be placed and be honest and authentic. My point is you speak a good game, but are you actually playing it Like? Is it actually integrated? Are you living that?
Speaker 1:And for a lot of people this is that I'm bypassing the reality of it or by saying I do all this stuff and I'm not saying you don't do this stuff. People do do the journaling and they do do this stuff. But to like thus far and no further, because when it starts getting a bit too self-confrontational of like, I don't like what I'm seeing in the mirror, especially if you're doing something like shadow work, where that stuff is unbelievably confronting, and the problem with a lot of this work also is that people are doing it on themselves. You need this is the importance of needing an external person who can hold you more accountable, because you can read the book and do the self-processes and self-meditations it's you're still coming up against yourself and your own limits and stopping when it gets uncomfortable, whereas when you're working with somebody else, you can push you through that discomfort to where the real work has to be done. That's where true transformation happens.
Speaker 1:So there's a lot of online stuff from COVID. Everybody has online courses, everybody's doing online group programs and it's wonderful, but I feel like it's still all just me by myself, sitting behind a computer screen trying to convince myself I'm doing the work, when a lot of the time maybe you're not and you are the binge watching Netflix instead of working through the courses and doing the work. So this thing of self responsibility is a big one and sometimes how do you know? How do you know that you're really getting where you need to get to with yourself if you don't have an external viewpoint, because it's very subjective, right when you're working on yourself? Where's the objectivity with that?
Speaker 2:Well, right, because you still see everything through the same filter that you've always seen it through and you can have like small things, like oh. But notice, those of you that are listening and I'm even reflecting as I say this to you, whether you're listening or watching notice how quickly you return back to the old pattern and it's like over, I'm gonna let you get defensive yeah yeah, right yeah.
Speaker 2:Or like you retreat back because that's the security. Everyone knows this. You and I aren't talking about anything that hasn't been talked about in the online space a lot, yeah. However, at the same time, I want to acknowledge that finding someone who can be your mentor, who you can trust, who does it without shame and without judgment and who allows you it, serves as your guide and not so much as the person that's telling you what to do or giving you another idea. Your healing process won't come from an idea that's from the external world. Yeah, your healing process will come from an internal way and, like Leah has said, both of our work revolves around this how, bringing yourself authentically into every part of your life, that 100% you and discovering what that is.
Speaker 2:First, I think it's interesting to talking about in a workplace, being authentic in a workplace, and it's like your book talks about communication in the workplace. I have always found that to be one of the most difficult places for me to be authentic, because they're like do it this way and doing it that way continues. My meant that I had to continue, like you said, suppressing. I had to continue denying I'd have micro. Oh shoot. I can't remember. It's not hitting me menopause brain moment, but like these things where I denied myself of how I really wanted to be because it didn't fit into their rule box, and it can be really hard.
Speaker 1:It is very hard, because the owner of the business has the right to serve the business. The owner of the business has the right to set their rules, their ways for how they want their business to be seen in the world, and this is a much deeper conversation here. It's not that cut and dry to say that you can just arrive at the office dressing how you want and speaking to clients the way you want and being who you want to be. No, that doesn't work either. You are representing somebody else's brand and somebody else's company and when you go for an interview, you are fully aware of who this company and this brand is and you are going to have to align with their path, with their branding, their morals, their ethics, their way of being. And if that is something you cannot align with, do not go for a job in that place. Do not interview to start with, because people want to be. I find that people want to also take on the system from within the system, and all you're doing is creating far more antagonism, far more discomfort, far more resistance, far more. It's just, it's unnecessary, and it's this communication thing in the workplace is that people are not clear enough about what their roles and responsibilities are Clear. Communication was not happening at the interview process or on the onboarding process, like people did not spend the first six weeks getting really clear about what are my expectations of this company and what are their expectations of me, like, what are the boundaries, what are the working hours, what are the conditions, because? And that onboarding time is a time for you to figure out if this is an environment that aligns with you and that you can align with. But you know somebody saying you need to wear a shirt and tie to work. It's not a direct attack on you as a person. If you choose, you know to wear something completely different in your own personal life. This is not your personal life. This is your job. You're being paid to do a job for certain hours and during that time, you are there to represent the company you're working for.
Speaker 1:So I think in this day and age, people want to create disruption everywhere and just just bring that into look at why, like, what is the workability around it? What is it? Just to be an agent of chaos? Because, great, like a lot of systems need to be upended and a lot of systems need to be revisited, but does it have to happen in such a destructive way where there is no win-win. It all just falls to pieces.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, this workplace thing is a tricky one. You can never, ever, allow yourself to stand in an environment where you are being compromised full stop, whatever that looks like, and if you are, then you need to leave. But you also need to look at what, like how. Coming back to words like offense and triggered, how much are you allowing yourself to be triggered by unnecessary things Like you know what I'm saying? It's a sensitive topic, this, and it's a. It's a tough line, but this again comes back to self responsibility of, of, of, of. Why am I in this place if I don't resonate with it at all? Why am I forcing myself to be here?
Speaker 2:I've worked with so many women in my own community and outside the community that are, you know, have accomplished a lot in their careers and are in, I guess I would say, like high positions or upper upper positions I don't know what else to say so and how. How difficult it is, not only as a woman in a male dominated space, but also, as you know, wanting to find out how you move authentically through the space. And it is a complicated thing that needs if you're someone that's like I'm having this workplace stuff, I'm not sure how to navigate. You need a mentor, you need someone outside to bring in the questions that will help you examine and get to your truth.
Speaker 2:I mean, I've helped very and I'm sure you have too, leah, you know we've helped people who don't leave the workplace, who found a way to say, okay, this is enough, this is how I want to be and when. I'm sure you know I've helped people leave a workplace that were scared to leave, that had scarcity about where am I going to find another job and how to believe in themselves, you know, and all those kinds of things. So it's for real. If you've ever again, if you've ever gone through this and you're going through it. Now you know it's time to heal from it and you need a mentor to do that.
Speaker 1:You do and it's a problem in workplace because you know this is technically what the HR department is supposed to be, but it's never. It's never their place and it's the last place people want to go to because it's so politicized. So companies might need to look at investing form or in external mediators and coaches, then saying to people if you've got a problem, go to the HR department, because nobody goes to the HR department. It just never works. And you know companies need to do a lot more around the mental health of their employees by doing this. I know that mental health is a big buzzword when it comes to corporate nowadays, but what are you actually doing? What does it mean? How are you supporting yourself to feel heard, seen, valued, appreciated and, most importantly, which is, you know the work I do is around.
Speaker 1:Do you have effective communication pathways in your organization that, no matter where the person is on that hierarchy, if something is not okay, they know exactly who to go to and how it can be resolved? Because people are always terrified to communicate up the chain, always, absolutely. You know you get accused of being insubordinate. This is disrespectful. You just get shut down. So communication is a big way to improve mental health in your organizations. And what are you doing about that? Because if people can't be honest about what's going on, this is why you've got the quiet quitting. This is why people just check out of their jobs. Because why must they compromise their mental health? Because you can't put effective communication structures in place for people to be seen, heard and valued and appreciated. So yeah, it's a big one in the workplace.
Speaker 2:I mean like this is a whole topic for another. You know full episode, and it's even in the mental health field. The mental health field of employment and service is one of the most toxic places for mental health practitioners and people like me, because we say one thing and then they do another and there's no. You know, it's very much this push and pull expectations. I had one person say, well, you really seem to like this job before, but you're not really liking it right now, and I was like you're right, I'm in chronic pain. My chronic pain is not allowing me. I don't feel like you believe me when I say I'm in pain. You just think I should push through what you think. You know what I mean, and so it's kind of like, even in those circumstances, so you wrote a book. Tell me a little bit about the book.
Speaker 1:So this was a lot of the relationship design process work that I do is looking at how you communicate in your relationship, understanding that you know my book is a profiling book that there are four different communication systems and that you will fall into one of these systems primarily. You know you will resonate with a lot of the systems all of them but you are predominantly a single system which determines how you receive communication, how you like to speak, the type of vocabulary that you use, the type of body language that works with you. I've had so many. You know I work a lot with couples. I've worked for nearly three decades with relationships where people think that when things aren't working it's because the other person is being a deliberate asshole, like you're out to get me and you don't want to hear and you're just being mean, and it's like nobody wakes up in a relationship with the intention of being malicious to their partner or being, you know, awful to their partner. They think they're communicating but the other person isn't hearing them where they're coming from. It's a bit like the love languages. You know you're not speaking a language that I can understand and then all I'm left to do is interpret what I think you mean and that is the worst thing in relationships is this assumption of. I think you know. I think I know what you're talking about but it's totally wrong. So that's the title of the book. That's not what I meant, because that's constantly, but I didn't say that, that's not what I meant when we were talking. So I speak.
Speaker 1:A lot in the relationship work is identifying what is your communication system. How can you start shifting the way you approach connection communication conversations? This gets conflict out the window and it's really simple. That's the thing. People also want to make communication really hard. It's not. It's really simple when you've got the right tools and it can be. You can say a whole lot more in much less time if you're being very specific and deliberate around how you're communicating. So this book covers I go into the four different communication systems. There's a chapter on how to have difficult conversations. You know it's everything I know about communication that I work with in my practice and I just thought this was a book that needed to be out there. That if you don't get, you know it's one thing trying to do a one-on-one session with me, but you know this is a toolkit that you can use. I work a lot in corporate with this work. I do a lot of workshops and programs in corporate around communication. I've seen amazing stuff shift in the corporate workplace when people start understanding the four communication systems of their colleagues and who they're working with with families, with friendships.
Speaker 1:I work with any relationship. People think relationship coach it's about my romantic relationship only. I work with all types of community relationship. So I think communication is like the bedrock. You know, I always say that the health of any relationship is determined by the quality of the communication that is happening in that relationship. And if you don't have open, honest, really clear, powerful communication, your relationship isn't going anywhere. It's just going to be stuck in neutral. So that's why I wrote the book. So there's a survey. You can do the little test to see what your personal system is. There's chapters on each of the systems. It goes into a lot of detail about all areas of how you operate in the world based on your system, and then it shows you how the different systems engage with each other for clarity. So yes, that's my book.
Speaker 2:Well, and I've started reading the book. I've made it through three quarters through the book and, as a person who communicates for a living, you know there were things in there that absolutely was like huh, you know, thinking. It's again me. As a communicator for a living, we always can find new, new ways, tweaks that will help us, but it came from outside of myself, it didn't come from within here. Right? So it's about reading, it's about educating, it's about seeking mentorship or whatever, right? So you've wrote this book and in the last few minutes that we have here on this podcast, where you wrote the book, you move to the States. We'll you know we have that story, won't go too deep into that. You move to the States, you're here now and what is I want to say? Like, what is life like now? But I also I think deeper than that. I've seen you go through this transformation. Talk to me, talk to us a little bit about your realization and the transformation that will deeper your practice with other people.
Speaker 1:So I came from South Africa where I had a very successful practice, very successful business. I had worked hard to get to, as we'd say, the top of my game and, in my mind, didn't really think of what would happen, moving to another country and another territory where I'm not known and I don't have a network and my work isn't here and people have no idea who I am. And it just kind of all came crashing down Like if I went from day to night. It went from being fully booked and booked ahead of time and having a whole lot of stuff lined up for work and almost overnight, mainly because of the time difference, being in another continent, it just all ended. And it's being quite a confronting thing, having worked in a career for nearly 30 years to get to where I got to, to feel like I'm right back at the beginning in a new country and finding my way, and what does it mean to be here and how does my work apply in this new time and space? And who am I in this new time and space? Because I've gone through a massive personal shift in myself being here and you've been witness to a lot of it. It's been quite a I call it my dark night of the soul, of a new identity of who I'm becoming, not knowing who that is and having to reframe a lot of my self, my work, for this new environment that I find myself in. So I'm still finding that way and I'm still finding that path, and all my work is always online, since even before COVID, I did most a lot of international clients, so I always I used to use Skype, so I do a lot of my sessions online and through Zoom. So personal sessions, coaching sessions, I do keynote speaking and I work with companies, but not having any network here means I have no way of knowing or connecting with people here. Networks are powerful things, so I'm building slowly and starting again.
Speaker 1:But I think this I see a lot of women in their 40s going through this and I think in the past we would have called this the midlife crisis and I've always referred to it as the midlife awakening. Like I said at the beginning of the call, women and not just women. You know we've spoken a lot about women, but men and women in their 40s come to a lot of. Is this still the path I want to be walking, Like I've walked this for most of my career and my adult life. I'm doing what I train to do at university, what my qualifications are, what my work has always been, but it's a bit of a hitting that intersection in your life to go.
Speaker 1:I've been driving straight. Do I wanna turn left? Do I wanna turn right? Do I wanna stay on this road and doing a whole reframe of who you are for now, using all of your huge experience and know-how and knowledge, but maybe creating some new version, some new identity that's more aligned with where you find yourself at this age, versus repeating stuff from a previous decade just because there hasn't been a conscious recalibration or recreation of is this still how I want to show up in the world? So I'm in the middle of that space and it's taking me to some interesting places and I'm just trusting the process, as I always do.
Speaker 2:So you know, it's just. We are always in a transformation, we are always on our path, our journey, whatever that means. I love this question that we ask often to other people and that we have asked ourselves is this how I want to continue to interact in the world? Is this how I wanna continue to show up? Is this who I want to be? This question, no matter where you're at in life, can be the starting point of is this even how I wanna be feeling about this way of living? Is this how I wanna feel when I'm interacting with this person, with this circumstance, at this job, in my online business, as an entrepreneur? Right, that can start this, the one simple step that can start that.
Speaker 2:The other thing, too, I wanna just acknowledge here is that we've talked a lot about like men and women, and I just wanna honor non-binary people, all the people out there that don't identify in this duality, and say that this is the exact question you can still ask yourself is this how I wanna be interacting? Right, and there's gonna be so many influences, and If this is a question that has come to mind or is ringing true with you right now, there's something within you, your wise one within you that is saying I want to. I want to look at this. There's something different for me. Yeah, and when you reach this point, I want to encourage you to do that. If you don't know who to reach out to or looking for someone to work with, leah and I are here. We can. Also, if it's not a good fit to work with us, we'll refer you to somebody else that we think it would be good for you to work with?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. But what we are here to?
Speaker 1:do and it's important. Yeah, yeah, if you just have that calling, please listen to it. That is, it is. I think the number one thing you can do and finding your authentic path is turn the volume down on the outside world and turn the volume up on your inside voice and start following your intuition and stop checking in with other people to see if your intuition is valid, if you feel it it's true for you. Stop looking for authority outside of yourself to give you permission to feel what you are feeling. It's real. That is the voice that's going to guide you to the path that you are meant to be on. So just start listening to it. Turn off social media, turn off external stuff and really just sit with yourself. It'll take you where you want to be every single time.
Speaker 2:So okay, my friends, we're going to end this episode here. So much good stuff. I'm sure I will have Leah on the show again because we could pinpoint some really hot topics, some topics that can make huge, massive, positive impacts. So you can be on the lookout for that. On the lookout for that, leah. Just tell everyone really quickly if they want to reach out to you. How can they reach out to you?
Speaker 1:You can go to my website, which is leahc4.com, and my bookings are all done on my website through my online calendar if you want personal sessions with me, and I'm on most social media platforms at Leah C4.
Speaker 2:Okay, my friends, I will make sure to have all of the links so you can contact Leah. If there's been something that has just hit you and you're like, yes to that, or like, oh my gosh, I want more of that, reach out, put a comment in the YouTube channel in the comments below. If you're listening to the podcast, reach out to me. I'll put you in connection with Leah, if that's who you're looking forward to connecting with. Let me give us feedback, let us know how you enjoyed today.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to end this session, or end this episode like end every single episode. Please make sure to stay true to yourself, be kind to others and always, always, always, honor the wise one that is within you. I will see you all on the next road to radical visibility. Until then, I'll see you later. Bye, hey, hold up, don't go. Yet. If this episode inspired and empowered you to be 100% yourself, 100% of the time, no shame or guilt needed, even just a little bit more. Please rate and leave a review. I'm here and I know you are too to leave a positive impact in the world. So please share this episode with your friends, family or that random stranger, because we never know who you'll inspire by just being you. I'll see you on the next road to radical visibility. Bye.