Road to Radical Visibility Show/Podcast
Road to Radical Visibility Show/Podcast
Get, Live and Experience the life you want! Unfiltered
In this free-for-all episode of Road to Radical Visibility we are letting it all hang out getting real and raw about what actually happens in everyday life and how we can continue to create and experience your life exactly the way you want. We are taking the road less traveled in this episode when it comes to decision fatigue (the impact & the pressure), creating ultimate self-trust, identifying and releasing pesky patterns (that just see to keeping hanging around) the creating the "of course" lifestyle that so many of my clients experience.
Here just a few take aways you can expect:
💎 Inspiration to trust yourself and release self-judgment when making decisions.
🔥 How to break free from patterns and make different choices to create change.
🪞The importance or prioritizing your own well-being and choose who you want to be.
🦄 Recognizing the power of questioning societal constructs and labels that are limiting your potential.
By the end you'll feel empowered to take a moment of self-reflection and answer the three thought-provoking questions that are sure to create more clarity in your mind, body and soul.
I would love to hear about the your self-discoveries during the episode.
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Empowerment, Inspiration and Powerful Insights can be expected.
Did you have an Ah-Ha moment from this episode? I would love to hear about it! No seriously, I want to hear from you! Send me a DM or email at rachel@rachelfreemonsowers.com.
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This is where we forget. We're so in survival, we're so caught up in what we are supposed to be doing, how it's supposed to be done. We forget that we are who we are now and it's not necessarily bad, and we get to choose. Is this where we want to be or is it not where we want to be? Not where we want to be? Hello, my beautiful friends, and welcome to another episode of Road to Radical Visibility.
Speaker 1:My name is Rachel Freeman-Sowers, I am the host and creator of this podcast and today we have something that I don't do very often, but I thought what the hell? I'm going to do it today. It is really going to be a free for all format. So many of you know, I have an ADHD brain. I'm not hyper active, I'm easily distractible and sometimes, when I can't decide on what I want to do, I'm just like going to take from the most important things, the things that have stuck out to me all entire week and working with my clients and in my own life, and I'm just going to talk about them. And the goal of this podcast episode is to really be thought provoking, is to really encourage and empower you to be like is this something that I want to change in my life. Is this something that I find myself doing? Hey, wait, I'm not as fucked up as I thought I was. I'm not the only one right. There's so many things that we think about ourselves, and I wanted to do this free-for-all episode so that you can ultimately be experiencing your life exactly the way that you want to, without shame or guilt, because, as you know, this is my thing, this is my shtick, this is my passion, this is what I will preach until the day I am dead, and then, at my funeral, at my party, at my wake, whatever the fuck it's going to be, you're going to hear it again and again, and again, because I don't know what we're here to do if we're not here to live our lives. Live our lives.
Speaker 1:And, yes, I get the purpose, I get the thing. Yes, and we need to find direction, we need to find a way of being that we enjoy. And on top of that, it's like okay, how is it that I really want to be experiencing life? Because we can experience it exactly the way that we want? And exactly the way that you want or that I want doesn't mean that everything happens perfectly For me. Experiencing life. Exactly the way that I want is being able to know where I want to be going, know what I want to be experiencing Actually, the going part. Let's just throw that out, strike it from the record. Because's just let's just throw that out, strike it from the record, cause I don't always know where I'm going.
Speaker 1:I know this is going to be wild and I hope you can make it until the end because, friend, all I want to do is help you think differently, to help you see this fucking remarkable person that is you, and to recognize the part of you and to embody the true self as I talk about with my clients. And so this is what gets me riled up, this is what gets me excited, this is what gets me empowered to practice what I preach, which, I will just say, is not always the easiest thing, but I will do it because I'm used to doing difficult things. I can make it through a difficult thing, right? It's not that I want to be doing that all the time, but I can. And so, when we practice what we preach, when we look within ourselves, when we have that courage, that bravery to look within ourselves to see something that is not desired in the moment and not to judge it and not to shame it. It is an immense amount of emotional intelligence. It's that moment when you realize this is not who I am. This is a thing that I've done, this is a way of being that I have been a patterned and accustomed to and therefore I am. I can absolutely change it. So this brings me to the first thing that my clients have been experiencing.
Speaker 1:I work with a lot of high achieving individuals. I know it's a shocker to you and, of course, I don't know anything about being a high achieving individual. You know, just like you, I've been taught that achieving is the thing that determines your success. Achieving is the thing that determines your worth. If you have this paper, if you have this thing, if you do this thing, if you're like this and you play in this arena, you're worthy. Like you've arrived. It's like, well, fucking A, I'm arriving every day in my life and I hope that you arrive every day in your life.
Speaker 1:So, working with high achieving individuals, the thing that people are struggling with right now is decision fatigue. If you're listening to this and you're like, oh hello, I have decision fatigue, then stick around for the next few minutes. If you're someone that's like. What is decision fatigue? Decision fatigue seems to come from this constant place of decision-making. After I see a full day of clients and my wife asked me what do you want to eat, I'm like I don't know. I'm like now it's not a good time to ask whatever is put in front of me, whatever I can find in the fridge, is the thing I'm going to be eating, right? And so it's all about how so many of us think about how many decisions you're making a day. What shampoo am I using? I ran out of shampoo. What clothes I'm going to wear today? What shoes match these clothes? And if you have children, oh Lord, god bless you. I don't even have a child in my home anymore and I get decision fatigue trying to make decisions for myself and in my business and then getting caught up in which is the right decision.
Speaker 1:So this came up with one of my clients. She is brilliant, she is magnificent, she is emotional, she is feeling, but she's like Rachel I'm tired, I'm making decisions, and in her job she makes decisions for a lot of people. And when I say a lot of people, she makes decisions for not only her immediate staff and all of those things. But she makes decisions on a larger scale for the city that she lives in and she's like I'm just so tired and she's like there's a constant feeling of I don't know if I will make the right decision. And as we kind of had this conversation about how to make life easier, I noticed some resistance and she noticed the resistance that was coming up for her being like well then, that means I'm weak, that means I can't do it, or that means that I have to have help, or that means there's a deficit within me. Friend, I gotta tell you one thing. I'm going to think about this just for one quick second, because what I'm going to say, I just got to think. I gotta tell you one thing. I just got to think I can tell you one thing.
Speaker 1:We've been taught that if we don't make the right decision, something bad is going to happen. And that is not always true, but because of the level of cultural fear that there is, because of all the self-judgment and self-shaming that we've been taught, and that if we don't make the right decision, there's going to be a cascading like shit rolls downhill kind of moment. What if we said the ease doesn't mean I can't do it. Maybe the ease means I don't want to do that thing. What if we decided and chose to say I can trust myself fully and not have to make all of those decisions. I can trust myself fully in any decision that I'm making.
Speaker 1:And when we walk around with all the worry and all of the heaviness and all of the responsibility that's not even ours in the first place, it feels heavy and you get tired and it's like I'm the only one that can make the decisions. And then we start retracting into ourselves, then we start becoming a victim, then we start being resentful and then we start having feelings that we don't want to have and not experiencing our lives the way that we want. So maybe decision fatigue comes from this pressure and not the actual decision. And I want to ask you, what would it feel like if you took all the pressure off yourself? Don't freak out, I know you're like well, I don't even know what the fuck that would be like. But what if I took the pressure off? And how do you take that pressure off? How do you learn to have this ultimate self-trust?
Speaker 1:And she was saying to me so we talked about decision fatigue, probably about the last three meetings that we've had. How do we make, how can she make her life easier? How can she dial down the response of her nervous system from the anxiety she was given, told to have and untrust in herself? How do we dial that down and say, in the present, I know the right decision. What if you can't make a mistake? I know this is a big concept, but what if you didn't ever make a mistake? What if the decision you made was just one step closer to you having that ultimate clarity, because I will tell you to you, having that ultimate clarity, because I will tell you, so often my clients get stuck in contemplation.
Speaker 1:Clarity does not come from contemplation. You stay on that hamster wheel going round and round and round and then you're like, well, what about this? And then you get down deep in it. And when you're down deep in it, I'm just going to tell you I know that when I'm down deep in it I can't see the top and I need to get to the fucking top. I had another client show me a picture set she drew about how she was feeling and she was in this. Well, and she was in this little. It almost reminded me of a tomb and her little character was in there and it was surrounded by rocks and then surrounded by all the ways that she has been feeling about herself, all the thoughts she's had about herself, all the beliefs that she was taught about herself and there was no way out. And what we have to do is we have to start picking at the top and being like there is a way out, but sometimes it's so hard to see because we're stuck in it.
Speaker 1:Clarity doesn't come from contemplation. Clarity comes from decision. And if you believe right now that you couldn't make a mistake, that you were not capable of making a mistake, I want to ask you what you would do. Because when we consider and play with the possibility that we cannot make a mistake and we release that fear and we say I see, the fear that's there, I can understand it, and I'm going to say I got this and I'm moving this other way, well, maybe you'll also end up in Vancouver, washington. Yeah, you see, because when we believe in this way in ourselves and when we are able to embody the truest part of ourselves, the part that knows, the part that's confident, the part that says I got you, the part that is able to nurture all these other parts of you, that part that is like we're good, you know. I wonder if you can just conjure up that feeling right now. You know, if you're not watching the video, I have my hand on my heart and it's just like we're good, we're good. That kind of self-assurance is not toxic. Positivity is not just an affirmation that you say every day. It is an embodiment of the peace and the calm and energy and joy, and I mean it's an embodiment of it all right, not just the positive.
Speaker 1:So this last week in my newsletter I wrote about my change and my transition and the move that we just made from California to Washington and how I had underestimated how it actually was going to affect me. So it was all about what I expected to happen and what actually happened. If you're not in my newsletter, I'm going to put the link in the comments below Go and subscribe. If you don't like it, you can unsubscribe. But every single week I'm talking about real shit. I'm giving you ways to experience your life exactly the way that you want to.
Speaker 1:But in this transition, in this change, my wife and I had been thinking about it for a year and a half. We had been letting this kind of marinate and we tried to push it along and it wasn't. And so we backed up. We're like, okay, let's wait, we're going to just stay open. Everything will open up, we will see it. But if we're in a stress response and we're freaking out and even in decision fatigue and I can't make another one, and now you're in your stress response and we're freaking out and even in decision fatigue and I can't make another one, and now you're in your brainstem and your body's all hyped up from the nervous system response of fear and anxiety and scarcity, the decision then will be made from that place. So for a year and a half, we let it sit, we let it marinate. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes it's way shorter, but in that moment of decision we said we're going. And amongst everyone who said it rains all the time there, just FYI, at this very moment in time today, when I'm recording this, it has rained just as much where I used to live as it rains where I am now.
Speaker 1:There's all these things that will cause you to have a moment of doubt, but you don't need to stay there. The decision is we're moving, we're doing this, we're trusting ourselves. If you made a decision and you knew you couldn't make a mistake. And you made that decision. What is it that you would experience, even in this moment, right now? Close your eyes, just close them for a second. Picture yourself making that decision. What's possible for you now?
Speaker 1:This is where we forget. We're so in survival. We're so caught up in what we are supposed to be doing, how it's supposed to be done. That's a whole nother thing I have thought about talking about today. You know who we're supposed to be. We forget that we are who we are now, and it's not necessarily bad, and we get to choose. Is this where we want to be or is it not where we want to be?
Speaker 1:And the things that keep us from making these changes, making these shifts and just trusting ourself is, like you know, a fear of changing the status quo. Maybe in your lifetime you've had a lot of instability and what you really want is stability. But I will tell you right now if you keep seeking stability outside of yourself, you won't ever feel it, not for the long run. Stability, my friend comes from internal. Stability, my friend comes from internal. The chaos external is from chaos internal, and we try and hold it in and we try and keep it together. But, friend, true emotional intelligence is being able to run the gamut and come back to yourself To be like, oh, I'm feeling angry, that fucking pissed me off. And to be like, okay, what is it with that? Not why, what is it. What do I want instead and what do I need to do for myself to get myself there, not what do I need someone else to do?
Speaker 1:I had a person we were sitting in the hot tub last night. I had a person say Rachel, how come I keep attracting the same kind of people that I've had in my life for forever? And it's not really complicated. It's a pattern, friend, just a pattern. It's the same reason why most people partner up with people like their parents. You already know how to deal with that and when we take a moment to do something differently, then we see something different. But it's just a pattern, and the beauty of the pattern is that it can be changed.
Speaker 1:The realization that there's an emotional bridge between the pattern and the person that you're doing, that emotional bridge is the thing that needs to be cut and how you can notice, without shame and without judgment, that you have just done that pattern again and you say what do I want? Instead, so many people be like. They come into the session and then they're like like why, why am I doing that? Fuck? You already know why. I mean just look behind you, just look. Stuff was messed up. You were taught things, you experienced things. That's why you don't have to go and swim in each one of those pools. Get the fuck out of the pool, walk out of it and be like thank you very much for that experience. That is no longer needed in my life. Now you may think, rachel, you're making really light of this and it's not really that easy.
Speaker 1:I want to acknowledge that there's work here. I want to acknowledge that it takes bravery and courage to change the way you think about yourself, and yet it doesn't have to take a long time and it doesn't have to use up all of your precious energy. So if you're someone who's finding themselves in the same pattern, attracting the same kind of people, in that moment, when you realize the person that you have connected with, on whatever level, is the same kind of person from your past, you have to be courageous enough. Actually, you don't have to. That's a fucking bullshit. You don't have to do anything. You can keep going. But if it's not something you want to experience, I mean, let's just keep it real. If it's not something you want to experience, I mean let's just keep it real. If it's not something you want to experience, what you need to do is you need to say no. You need to be courageous enough to say I will not go into that pattern again.
Speaker 1:And the minute the part of you that says, oh, we're not, this is different, it's going to be something that you know it's going to be way better Trust the part of you that says this is it, this is what we see. Intuition, wise one within True self. All of those things I use those terms intertwined. All those things are telling you. We know the choice is to listen to that instead of listening to oh, no, we need this person. They're just like us, they love us. I don't care if it's a friend, I don't care if it's an interaction in a business. You know like, once you see that it's having the courage to say no, thank you. And to nurture those parts of yourself that are like we're scared that if we don't, we won't have friends.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be single forever, I'm never going to find anybody. I mean a lot of people I know are kind of trying to do this dating kind of scene and oh my God, I'm so glad I'm not single. I'm so sorry. Like it's rough out there. It is no joke. But the more you choose you, the more likely you are to find the person that will choose themselves, and then the two of you can choose each other right. There's none of this like. You complete me. You're my better half, blah. You're the love of my life. Is my wife the love of my life? I don't know. I love her a lot, but I am the love of my life.
Speaker 1:First, I get a lot of flack when I say this shit. I get a lot of flack when I'm like no, my kid doesn't come before me and I really mean it. I don't know if I would sacrifice my life for another person. I'm just being completely real here. I have no idea. What I do know is that I want to experience my life the way that I want, and if, at any point in time, I sacrifice my life for somebody else, it's because I'm experiencing my life exactly the way that I want, not out of obligation, not because they're family, not because I've known them for years, not because it's what I should do, it's because it's what I want. And I think that we forget that when we have decision fatigue and when we start doubting ourselves in our decision-making and we allow this fear and those patterns to suck us back into those black holes, we then say what's wrong with me? And again, another possibility is that there's anything nothing wrong with you. The thing that is done is you just return back to the pattern and you have to turn around and walk back out.
Speaker 1:The other thing I find people do, and because I attract people into the business that I work with and just in general, my population is, I work with a lot of people who feel very deeply, because I feel deeply but at some point, the feeling begins to rule the mind, the body begins to rule the mind and you're stuck and it's like your nerves are on the outside of your skin. Everything is pissing you off, you become less tolerant, you're less empathetic and you're like what is going on, friend, those are signs. Heck, I just experienced it last week. I was like what is happening? This isn't who I want to be being, this isn't who I am. This is a pattern. Now I'm going to return back to the person I am.
Speaker 1:Again, it takes the release of self-judgment and shame. Just because you did that doesn't mean anything about you. It just means you did it. But we always get stuck in the why. Remember, the clarity doesn't come from contemplation. I mean, maybe that's a wrong statement. Maybe people will be like yes, it does.
Speaker 1:I have to think about what I did. So I know what I want. What if you didn't have to? What if you just tapped in? You knew what you wanted, your brain and your body were one and you just went in that direction. What if you cleared the subconscious things that you don't even know are stopping you and you're like, oh wait, it can be easy. I can trust myself and to trust everybody else, I can. Myself and to trust everybody else, I can. And when you make the decision, remember I can't make a mistake. Well, rachel, what if I want to quit my job? Okay, but I can't because I have to make a living. I have to do this. I get all that.
Speaker 1:There's constructs that we're operating in, but I'm going to encourage you every fucking time to push the construct. I just am, because when I was that little girl and someone told me I couldn't. I was like, hmm, I don't know Now, I'm not going to say this always led to this really nice life. At some point in time I was like, okay, how do we balance this out? The pendulum isn't swinging anymore to either I'm totally rebelling or I'm totally conforming. We get to choose the sweet spot in the middle for you and I get to choose it for me. We get to have that, but we forget we have the choice. It becomes one or the other. It's the same thing. The world is dichotomous. I get that we have to have labels and compartments and yet at the same time, when do they all just start reflecting each other?
Speaker 1:I was listening to a song on the spin bike. It's an older song and the artist is saying you know, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And I find it interesting because I observed this in the world. I observed this in the therapeutic world and the coaching world and the self-development world, and it's like I'm so tired of people telling me who I am or what I'm doing wrong, and I've been told my whole entire life what I do wrong. I don't know. Can you relate? My whole entire life it's been like do this, not that this is the right thing. That's the wrong thing. This is how you should do it. That's how you shouldn't do it.
Speaker 1:I would be punished for doing things that were actually just a part of myself, and then it created all the shame, all the guilt, all the judgment, and although I'm turning 52 in I don't know, like 19 days or something, that stuff will still come up every now and then. But it's the ability to realize that that's not me now. That came from a time in my life and, yes, it came in there and that's what's happened. I don't have to accept it. I don't have to forgive people that it happened by Like. I don't have to do any of that. You don't have to either. I don't have to forgive people that it happened by Like. I don't have to do any of that. You don't have to either.
Speaker 1:But if I can see clearly for what it is and decide that I'm not doing that anymore and trust myself that, no matter what happens from that, whether people leave, whether people break up with me, whether I don't get a job or whatever I don't get this one client, at the end of the day, it's like how much are we willing to continue to give of ourselves and then be unhappy about it or be depressed about it or or have anxiety or feel tired, get ill because of it. I mean maybe we should just start a club and be like the Stop Self-Sacrificing Club, where every single thing that you do is a choice and you can realize that and and empowers you instead of strips you, and that you get to say I'm hanging onto this one day and I'm not hanging onto it the next. And I think this is where it's really helpful, because you know to circle back a little bit about like, the more things change, the more they stay the same. The thing that's been kind of sticking out to me in the online world, especially in this coaching world and whatever, is like this masculine and this divine feminine and, to be completely honest, this is probably going to piss some people off or rub some people the wrong way. And, to be completely honest, this is probably going to piss some people off or rub some people the wrong way. But I'm sick of hearing about how people aren't in their divine feminine enough and how you know if you do this, you're in the divine feminine or whatever, and then you're telling people what divine feminine means to them, and if they did this thing, then they would.
Speaker 1:And then the pendulum starts swinging again and that everything that is about the masculine world is not helpful, and that's not true. I mean, I don't know how many of you run a business, but you need some systems. You need systems, you need some structure, but it's like we forget that we're a whole person and maybe people switch over to the divine feminine to be like. I've been too hard on myself. I've been to this, but now it looks like divine feminine structure is doing the same thing in the online world as people who run a more masculine business, sage, do do. And I know this may not be very clear, but it just seems like we forget that we're everything and this comes down to in the LGBTQ plus community, I mean, for trans individuals, for non-binary people, for people who aren't sure even who they identify as, but then let's not get locked into that, right? I mean, what about being who you want to be? And that maybe the label that you assign yourself is a label that's keeping you trapped anyway? I don't know.
Speaker 1:This is why this is called a free-for-all episode, because I don't even know the answers. But what I want to do is I want to spark conversation and I want to empower hope and different ways of being. So I also want to end this episode a little bit differently than I've ever done before, done before, and I want to. I've pulled three cards prior to this episode and I've kind of used them as my guides throughout this episode, and I want to share the cards with you Now. If you aren't watching the video, um, maybe you want to go look at the video so you can see the pictures. But I'm just going to here, read the card and ask questions, and I'd love for you to take these questions and be like okay, if I tune back into my true self, if I find this internal safety, this internal knowing, and I ask myself these three questions I want to see what's going to happen. Let's get curious, let's get a little playful, let's have a little bit of fun, okay.
Speaker 1:So the first question is where is your heart guiding you? Where is your heart guiding you? Okay, that's question number one. Number two what has your intuition been trying to tell you? What is your intuition been trying to tell you? Question number three how can you alchemize your fear? How can you alchemize your fear? I hope that this episode has caused you to think a little bit deeper and differently. Even if the thought is, rachel, that's fucking messed up, that's not right, whatever. If it's that thought, fantastic, see that when is it. Use these three questions.
Speaker 1:What holds you back from experiencing life the way that you want, exactly the way that you want? A fear of saying no? A fear of rejection? A fear of being too much? A fear of not being accepted? A fear that you will do something wrong?
Speaker 1:Friend, clarity comes through decision. Alchemize that fear and say to yourself I am safe in making this. Feel that safety in your body. Create that place of safety. That's what so many people and I do in visualization with individuals, to the point to where I had a client say Rachel, it wasn't a shit show. Like I thought it was going to be a shit show. The thoughts are yours. Yes, they were created through a lifetime of experiences. Yes, and is that thought still the thing that will help you experience your life exactly the way that you want? If it's a no, it's time to shift it. If it's a yes, keep it and keep on living.
Speaker 1:All right, my friend, I'm going to end it here. I could go on for forever, like, as all of you know, for days and days. I want to say thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening. If anything in this episode has hit you, has caused you to think deeper, has said, yes, I want more of that, yes, that is how I'm going to live, has enabled you to make a decision and empower yourself to live exactly the way that you want to and experience your life exactly the way that you want, I'd love to hear about it. You can message me on all my social media channels or feel free to email me at rachel, at rachelfreemanshowerscom.
Speaker 1:I'm going to end this episode like I end every single episode. Please make sure to stay true to yourself, be kind to others and always, always, always, honor the wise one that is within you. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I will see you on the flip side. Until then, hey, hold up, don't go. Yet. If this episode inspired and empowered you to be 100% yourself, 100% of the time, no shame or guilt needed, even just a little bit more. Please rate and leave a review. I'm here and I know you are too to leave a positive impact in the world, so please share this episode with your friends, family or that random stranger, because you never know who you'll inspire by just being you. I'll see you on the next road to radical visibility. Bye.