Discouragement is a powerful tool the devil uses to block the light of hope from God. In today’s collaborative, Sara, Amy, and Carrie talk about how the devil uses this sneaky tool in our lives, how to recognize it, the pitfalls, and some ways to turn toward encouragement.
May 24, 2022; Ep. 87
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If you enjoyed our podcast, please...
Discouragement is a powerful tool the devil uses to block the light of hope from God. In today’s collaborative, Sara, Amy, and Carrie talk about how the devil uses this sneaky tool in our lives, how to recognize it, the pitfalls, and some ways to turn toward encouragement.
May 24, 2022; Ep. 87
Timestamps & Key Topics:
Episode Links & Resources:
If you enjoyed our podcast, please...
Sara Clime 0:00
Welcome to Take Heart. This is episode 87. Our mission here at Take Heart is to offer encouragement, give hope, and insight, so you can flourish and your journey as a special needs mom. We have free resources for caregivers and we would love to share them with you. You can find them on our website at takeheartspecialmoms.com/resources
Sara Clime 1:25
Hi this is Sara, and I am here with Amy and Carrie, and we are so glad that you are here with us today. We have been talking about daily discouragement this month. There is a modern parable I came across, and I think it is an impactful example of how something so common as feeling discouraged is used as spiritual warfare. The parable is titled "Disarm Discouragement" by Worthy Devotions, and it goes like this. "Some time ago, an advertisement appeared in which the devil was putting all his tools up for sale. On the day of public inspection. Each one of his tools was marked with its selling price, hatred, envy, jealousy, doubt, lying, pride, and so on. Each was on the block, set apart, however, from all the rest of the pile was a harmless-looking tool, well worn, but priced very high. It was titled discouragement. Someone asked the devil, "Why is that one price so high?" To which the devil replied, "Ah, that is one more useful to me than all the rest. With it, I can pry open a man's heart and enter when I cannot get near him with the other tools. And once inside, I can lead him any way I choose. The tool is very warm, because I use it on almost everyone, since very few people know it belongs to me." As I said, the title of this parable is called Disarm Discouragement, and that reminds me that this is a tool that the devil uses in his spiritual warfare arsenal. Let me start by asking this question. Do you believe discouragement is a weapon in spiritual warfare?
Amy J. Brown 3:07
Yeah, I do. I think it's like a small erosion of your will. I was thinking that discouragement is anytime that we look away from the light. I was reading where Jesus says, "I am light of the world," and in the message, he says something like I give you all the light you need. Every time I look away from the light I get discouragement. When you get angry, or you have a bigger emotion, you kind of recognize it, but then I can recover or not recover. I can be walking into discouragement for a really long time farther and farther away from the light. Before I even recognize that that's where I am, and then I'm into the abyss and everything looks terrible. I definitely think it because it's kind of sneaky. It sneaks up on you.
Sara Clime 3:56
I think that's why this parable is so important. Whenever I first read this parable, I thought it is spiritual warfare because you don't feel daily discouragement, when you have to call for your prescriptions, and once again, they are sending the wrong one, or you're calling the doctor, and you can't get in for three more weeks or whatever that is. You don't see that as something as a tool that the devil would use. What about you, Carrie?
Carrie M Holt 4:27
Yeah, I definitely do. I was looking up the definition. I'm a little bit of a word nerd, kind of like you are and one of the definitions talked about obstructing like it says to obstruct by opposition or difficulty. I feel like the devil likes to just throw things in there to obstruct us, to send these difficulties, and a lot of times, we do fairly well with the big medical things and the behavior meltdowns, but it's the little erosion Have that river just wearing away the rock down and down and down until you're just so exhausted or you have so much compassion fatigue. I do think, ultimately, the devil wants us to give up hope and courage, which is what discouragement is, is that we've lost our hope and our courage, and he does it in a slow and sly way.
Sara Clime 5:28
I like how you said it's obstructing, because I love the visual of that, too. It's a block that he's putting up to everything that's good. Why do you think that the devil prices discouragement so high like in that parable? Why would that be the most powerful tool? What would you guys think?
Carrie M Holt 5:49
I feel when he is able to get us to the place where we're losing hope and losing courage, then we have lost, in some ways a measure of our faith, or even just lost our trust in God. I know for me, personally, I talked about this in my individual podcast, that it's when I'm relying so much on myself when I feel like everything falls on me. I think when the daily grind is just wearing you down, you tend to rely more on yourself because you think I just have to get this done, I have to be able to handle this. I think it's priced so high, because if the devil can get us to a place where we've lost hope and courage, then we're ineffective in God's kingdom.
Amy J. Brown 6:48
I would say too that, it's the gateway. If he can get that one, all those other ones rush in. If you think about it when we're discouraged: we're afraid, we're bitter, we're angry. You may be angry and have a big situation, you kind of can gear up for that and recognize it. But if he can get this one, then it lets the other ones rush in. That's why I think that's so it was it's priced so high,
Sara Clime 7:12
Kind of like a twofer. What is it, a six for? We can just keep going. What is a reoccurring discouragement in your life that you feel is basically maybe not the cause of being a special needs mom, but is maybe instigated because of that, or perpetuated because of the special needs life?
Amy J. Brown 7:42
I will go first. I think specifically for me, as a parent of kids with behavioral issues, there are two things: it's the unrelenting worry about the future. Whether that's an adult's future. Are they going to get kicked out of school future? Also coupled with that are the relational issues. That is very discouraging because you're already coming at it with a child that may not be able to relate to you as you expected. There's a grief in that. I think especially in my own life when I have to talk to one of my children with behavioral issues. I shouldn't, but I expect them to behave or respond like my kids without attachment. I don't know why. I should know that by now. You're always hitting up against that. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to get the response, or the come back around where there's affection. I think it's just kind of unrelenting. That is definitely quite discouraging at times.
Carrie M Holt 8:47
I think for me, it's always feeling like I have to fight for something. I think sometimes we have this expectation that as our kids get older, things are going to get easier, which in some ways they do, but in some ways, they really don't. For my son accessibility is a huge thing. I was in tears just a few weeks ago, and the parking lot that in a place where I should have felt very safe. It should have felt like it was very accessible, and it wasn't. The parking was messed up. It just feels like when I leave my home with my son, I have to fight to get him in the door. I have to fight to get him out of the van. I have to fight to have people see him as a person. I think that's probably one of the biggest things that are so discouraging to me is that the world looks at him, and when they see him they see the wheelchair first. They see the trach, first. They don't see the person that I get to see on a daily basis. That gets discouraging to me.
Sara Clime 10:06
I mean, I can totally feel you because we text each other a lot with pictures of parking spaces with grumblings attached to them. Actually, just a couple of days ago, I was pulling into one of two van-accessible spots at my son's school. The other one was taken by the other child in a wheelchair, his mom. I was pulling in, and I guess somebody was in a hurry, and they realized that I was going to be taking that space, so they whipped in in front of me, but in the process took up three spaces. The only three spaces left. Now one of them was the van accessible spot. My son who is a junior in high school is sitting right there, and thank goodness, he does not get embarrassed easily. I honked my horn. All the kids were walking into school and the lady looks over at me, she would not make eye contact with me. So I honked again. Was I being completely obnoxious? Absolutely. I felt bad the entire way home. What I realized then the following day, is I got on the road to get to the neighborhood, the general area where the high school is. I was like, Oh, here we go. I hate mornings. I said that out loud. I said, "I hate morning drop-off." My son goes, "I am so sorry, mom." It stopped me in my tracks. I think part of the recurring discouragement for me is that that happens, and I let the discouragement outweigh and take precedence over what really those morning commutes are for. Then he was apologizing. All of a sudden like he was the discouragement, not the situation. For me, that was kind of eye-opening for me. That's where I feel. Going back to the parable is why the devil prices it so high. It's priced high because then it just nips at that relationship with my son. It nips at my point of view. It just slowly erodes that joy that I have.
Amy J. Brown 12:24
I want to add to that too. Carrie said, "They don't people don't see her child." That's also very true for kids with invisible disabilities. People only see behavior quirkiness. I think that is another just discouragement. I'm sure you guys feel the same way, like relationships and not getting invited places, and parents judging or teachers or whatever. For us, it's behavior. For you guys that might be accessibility. That's the other thing you're always fighting for
Sara Clime 13:02
Don't you think, that not only are they not seeing your child for who they are, or seeing your child beyond the behavioral issues? But as a parent of a child with behavioral issues, or invisible disabilities, they're not seeing you either. They're seeing the parent who should give that kid a good spanking or all they need is a little bit of discipline. Because I've heard people say it about people I know with children with disabilities. You hear that so much. I mean, is that true? I don't want to put words in your mouth.
Amy J. Brown 13:39
That is 100% true. I've gotten a lot tougher skin. I've overheard things said about me. I've had things said to my face. I remember one time a therapist said, "They're just not going to understand because they don't live in your house." I've had to say, okay, that I can take that. It's hurtful. I think it's hard when it's somebody you know. If it's a stranger, that's one thing. You can just kind of roll your eyes about that, but when it's somebody that's a little bit closer. I'll never forget somebody that was helping me take care of my child. I thought she got it, and she sat me down and kind of schooled me on parenting, and that hurt. I remember thinking, okay. For me, that kind of discouragement makes me want to shut down like, Okay, fine. Nobody's gonna get inside this "cave of me." I'm not letting anybody in, which isn't healthy. I mean, that's discouraging.
Sara Clime 14:34
Yeah, It's almost like it puts you in a posture of discouragement. It puts you in a posture of antagonism. Because I was looking out for that poor lady for the next week. I mean, it happened on a Tuesday. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday you bet I was looking for her. What do you think I was gonna possibly do if I saw her? I mean, I've never fought a person in my whole life. I probably would have been like, "Hi". I would have waived and just gone about my business. But in my mind, I had this whole big advocacy blowout kind of thing, and nothing would have happened in those three days. And then my son saying that was actually on the second day was eye-opening. It puts us in that posture of antagonism, that posture of being disappointed, of discouragement, of not being seen, not feeling heard. Gotcha. I mean, the more we we talk, the higher that tool seems to go up in price.
Carrie M Holt 15:35
I feel like when we're always on the defensive, we really can't truly see other people the way God sees them. A couple of months ago, there was snow up to the front door of my son's endocrine office. I went in, in tears, angry, and frustrated, and they took care of the situation. It was just, this is one more thing that I have to deal with. When I'm in a defensive posture, I can't look them in the eye and smile, and ask them about their day because I'm so busy focused on myself, and my problems, and my discouragements and my obstructions. I think the devil definitely likes to use it because it makes us so ineffective.
Sara Clime 16:29
How do you guys deal with these? I mean, how do you deal with the daily discouragement?
Amy J. Brown 16:36
I would say, number one, rest. When I'm tired, I could win the lottery, a trip to Disney World, and all my problems are raised, and I'm too tired. Everything's terrible. Number one, straight-up simple, we need to get our rest. That just is so vital. I've said this before, I am a girl who loves to be outside. I have to find small, tiny practices to help me turn my eyes back to the light, whether that's going outside and taking a picture of the sunrise or the sunset. Because I know that this is going to come again and again. It's not like I have one solution, and then I'm happy-go-lucky the rest of my life. I need small daily reminders of beauty, and light, and Christ. It could be so tiny. It could be a warm cup of tea in the morning. This morning, I took a picture. I live in Michigan and it was the first tree budding. I took a picture. That just made me smile. I stopped and listened. I was pulling in, and I heard a woodpecker, and I stopped. It takes a small noticing. I may be discouraged literally the minute I get off here because I get a phone call. In that moment, it's like little sips of oxygen are grace or beauty that kind of get me going. I will always go back to rest. If I pay attention to my body when it's the most discouraged. I know it's because I'm not resting. I don't mean just sleeping. I mean not letting go of the burden. I'm overthinking and rethinking. I'm sure we all do this where we think like Sara with parking. If that lady's there, here's what I'm going to do, and here's what I'm gonna say. We spend all that time thinking about that, and then it never happens. I think that's such a waste. That's weary too. It's not just the actual physical taking care of children, it's that mind game that's constantly going, that makes us tired.
Sara Clime 18:39
I think for those moms too. We go through periods with my son, especially with his diagnosis where he might not sleep through the night. He's 18, and he will not sleep through the night for weeks on end. Eight hours of sleep is not attainable, it will never be attainable. That's not the rest we're talking about. The rest is sitting down, getting a breather, we're looking at my son and saying, you'll be okay, if I don't straighten your blankets again for another five minutes, I need five minutes. It's okay to tell our children no, and take a breathe, take a few deep breaths, do whatever, find that beauty. I love that. Like you said it was a small daily reminder of God's beauty. I said this in my podcast. I live in a neighborhood that's they're doing construction all the time. Whenever I was actually thinking about this podcast and what was happening, I was so irritated with all the construction because I thought. Don't you understand? I'm trying to write a podcast here people and you're building a house. It was always there. It's too early. It's too late. It's too loud. It's too close. I decided to just put everything down, and I was gonna go for a walk around the other side of the neighborhood where there's no construction going on. It dawned on me, that I'm writing this podcast about daily discouragement, and I'm being discouraged writing it. If that's not warfare, I don't know what it is. I was sitting there and I was thinking, God is bigger than any discouragement. His encouragement is bigger than any discouragement. I intentionally walked by, and it's three construction sites in a row. None of them are quiet. They are Yelling on top of everything. I walked by all three of them, and I just started praying. Thank you for your job. They were laughing and joking with each other. Thank you for that camaraderie that they have, and just praying that those relationships were good. It got me thinking, that wherever there's discouragement if we turn our face towards the devil's discouragement, we have the back of our head towards God's encouragement. It's all about posture. I have to have that visual in mind. If my back to God's encouragement, and I'm facing discouragement then I need to flip around. It's a matter of having enough rest to know that. I mean, if you're not rested, there's no way I'm turning around. I'm going and throwing something at the poor construction worker, probably.
Amy J. Brown 21:30
And the lady who parked in that parking spot.
Sara Clime 21:34
In my head, I'm more of like a WWE. I'm not. I'm the biggest wimp ever. But in my head, I am pretty tough.
Amy J. Brown 21:43
She's mighty on the inside.
Carrie M Holt 21:50
I think for me, it's about just asking myself questions. Have I just stepped away from reading some scripture? How long has it been since I've picked up my Bible? It's been a week, no wonder I'm cranky, because I'm so focused on earthly things instead of heavenly things. There's this book that I like to read once a year called Teaching From Rest, because I homeschool. The mom talks about how, if we're always waiting for things in life to get better to live life, we're going to be waiting forever. She quotes C.S. Lewis about how life is the interruptions, it is the kids spilling things, it's the construction in the neighborhood. That is real life. We have to choose in those situations, first of all, trust God and not rely on our own strength to handle the discouragements. Then also to look to Jesus and go, okay, I can see, this delay today helped me to have this conversation with my child, or this opportunity allowed me to show grace to them. This huge medical thing allowed me to five years from now, have a conversation with somebody else who's going through the exact same thing, and encouraged them. That's kind of the way that I've been looking at it lately.
Amy J. Brown 23:33
But let me just say this, we will always see that in the moment. I know you don't mean that, Carrie. I'm just thinking, sometimes I don't see anything good about this right now.
Sara Clime 23:47
I honk!
Amy J. Brown 23:49
But I know that God never leaves us and that he does work everything for our good. That verse has been misused in so many ways to mean nothing difficult. But as we look back over our lives, it may take 30 years. It may not be till we're dead and gone and in heaven, but we will be able to look back and go okay. At least that's my prayer. There are definitely times in the moment that we can see it, but also if you're listening, and you go I don't see it. Just trust God with that, because he's near to us, always.
Sara Clime 24:25
We might not see it this side of heaven. I mean, that's one of the things that I think is the hardest, at least for me, is the hardest part of me reconciling my faith after my son's diagnosis. I'm not shy about sharing that when we received my son's diagnosis, I was so angry at God. I read my Bible. I got into the word, and I attended everything I could because I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to prove whatever I was brought up with was a farce. By doing that, I realized that God met in that and said, "Okay, really you want to prove me wrong? All right, well, let's go. Here it is." My faith was cemented. But it was not overnight, it was not within a week, it was not even within a year. It was a long process. There are even times now where, yeah, I'm honking three different times at this lady. I didn't see it at the moment, I didn't even see it until my son had to say something and slapped me up against the head. Remember is that we just have to kind of entrust that to God. All I see is the discouragement. Maybe that's a prayer that we we say in those moments is all I see is the discouragement. God, I just hope that you show me the encouragement in this. Show me what you want me to see out of this, and that's okay, too. God knows when you are at the end of your tether, so it's okay to say, I don't see it, and you're going to have to show it to me. It's okay to say that kind of thing.
Carrie M Holt 25:57
I think too what Amy said earlier about getting rest is stopping and taking a look around at your life and asking, "Have I been doing things lately that nourish my soul?" For each of us that looks a little bit different. For me, it's really making sure that I have opportunities to worship God on Sunday and to listen to good music. That's very nourishing for me, reading really good books are very nourishing for me. I love to pull out quotes. I have the little quote book that I like to read through every once in a while, and that's very nourishing for my soul. I know that when I'm taking the time to nourish my soul, that some of those obstructions in my daily life may not affect me as much. On some days, they're gonna affect me more, but when I'm nourishing my soul in God's word and my soul in worship, and all of those things that encourage my heart, then those obstructions aren't going to be big. It might just be a little dust in the road instead of a boulder.
Amy J. Brown 27:02
Right. So what you're saying is a well-nourished soul is what protects us from discouragement. I love that you said it could be, you know, we all have different ways that God speaks to us, right, and nourishes us.
Sara Clime 27:16
I love that you brought that up, Carrie. So this is let's just continue in that vein. Amy, is there anything that you do that nourishes your soul?
Amy J. Brown 27:27
I like to be outside and also the practice of silence. That doesn't mean I'm sitting at a monastery for days on end, that means just sitting still, for five to ten minutes in the morning. Jesus, a lot of times, Jesus went away a lot by himself. He was quiet in the hardest moments of his life. That is a very, very grounding, exercise, not only because I don't have physical voices, but it helps me quiet my mind. Not always, sometimes my monkey brain is going everywhere. Just sitting in that moment, hopefully, outside, those kinds of things tether me back to my face back towards the light, that is Christ.
Sara Clime 28:13
I write gratitudes in my journal, and I started that after my son's diagnosis. I realized that I didn't want to live life like that. I didn't want to raise a son with a mom that was that negative. I thought I'm going to find three things every day. I don't know why I chose three, but it had to be three. I said it before, there were days on end where it was coffee, coffee, and number three was coffee, and that was it. I put myself in that posture of gratitude. Now it's so much easier for me to find those small moments or small glimpses of God's grace. I think that that's really what it boils down to. I think too that, whatever you can find a nourish your soul is to be open to different things because what I do now, in this season of life, I could not have done even five years ago with smaller children. I could not have done it. I too wake up in the morning before the whole house wakes up. Well, that wouldn't have worked before. It doesn't work every day now. Find those, those things that nourish your soul and bring you closer to God, but try not to add that legalistic side of it, too. Okay, I found, I wake up at six o'clock in the morning, and I set the timer for my coffee, then that's what works. If you wake up at 6:15, you're like, well, it's shot I don't have enough time for 30 minutes. Well, maybe you don't need 30 minutes. Maybe you just need a minute to sit in silence, as you said. I love that. I think too, it's really important that we encourage others. I think when you encourage others, your discouragement decreases. I think that it's a formula that God does to battle the discouragement. I would like to hear how do you guys intentionally try to encourage others? Does it help you with your daily walk?
Carrie M Holt 30:12 I think for me, it's one of the things that I've learned is I'm such a type-A planner, and I will just have my schedule so packed with everything that my family has to do, and everything that I have to take care of, that I don't leave enough space to see others. I don't leave enough time and space to see other people, to not just rush through the grocery store, and hurry on my way. I think for me, it's two things. One is just keeping my schedule a little bit more open, so I can look for those opportunities that God is opening the door to encourage other people. Secondly, it has also been just making time for people. Just a couple of weeks ago, I had a mom reach out to me that her son's going to have to go through a similar surgery that my son went through, and he was five, and he's 15 now, and we're about 10 years down the road from that. Honestly, I didn't really want to call her. I had to take some time in the evening to give her a call because she had a lot of questions. I took the time to do it. When I got off the phone, I was energized by our conversation, just being able to share with her. I always feel like if there's one person that I can help. One person that we have gone through this journey, and I can help that's a little bit further behind, then it feels worth it to me. It gives me so much purpose that I can encourage and help somebody else who's just a little bit behind me. This journey is specifically with Spina Bifida and being in the hospital and surgeries and things like that. We each have our niche that we can encourage other people.
Sara Clime 32:05
I would like to challenge our listeners, I would love to challenge you guys. Every day, even if you just do it for a couple of days, but maybe for the next week. It's just to find one person each day for the next week to intentionally encourage It could be as simple as telling someone at the grocery store that they look amazing in the color that they're wearing. Do it authentically, but intentionally look for people to encourage and build up. Then record those encouragements in a journal. Don't show anyone else. Keep them to yourself. This isn't a challenge we need to gloat over or brag about. This is just for you and those you are encouraging, but write it down. Write down the encouragement and then pray for that person. Pray that your words encourage them in the way that God intends them to. Pray for God to make it completely apparent when he puts another person in your path to encourage. Finally, pay attention to how others encourage you. Write those down as well. You'll be surprised at how encouragement will begin to shine brighter than the discouragement the devil throws at you. Then you can look back over the week and you can see God's encouraging love, grace and hospitality. One more part of this challenge, we would love to know how we can encourage you. If you need encouragement or prayers, please email us at takeheartspecialmoms@gmail.com. We would be honored to spend time in intentional prayer for you. Let's start a conversation and encourage and build each other up. We are all in this together.
Sara Clime 33:36
I'd like to end with a poem my mom gave me before I left home at the age of 17 to go to college. It is a poem she gave me on a plaque that I have carried with me for over three decades. It's a bit corny and possibly a bit cliche, but I hope it serves you well as it has me. It is titled Don’t Quit.
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will.
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When you might have won, had you stuck it out.
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
You never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit.
It's when things seem worse that you must not quit.
Sara Clime 35:01
Thanks for joining us this week on Take Heart. Our prayer each week is for your heart to be encouraged. We are grateful you're walking on this journey with us. If you have any questions or comments, follow the links in our show notes. We love hearing from our listeners. Join us next week as we begin our summer interview series. We have some amazing guest speakers and we are so excited to share those with you.