Guilt and shame are very different. Guilt convicts, but shame makes us feel worthless, unworthy, and doesn’t come from God. Sara encouragingly reminds us of who we are in Christ, and a beautiful practice of taking our thoughts captive when Satan whispers shame in our ear.
May 18, 2021
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Guilt and shame are very different. Guilt convicts, but shame makes us feel worthless, unworthy, and doesn’t come from God. Sara encouragingly reminds us of who we are in Christ, and a beautiful practice of taking our thoughts captive when Satan whispers shame in our ear.
May 18, 2021
Timestamps & Key Topics:
Episode Links & Resources:
If you enjoyed our podcast, please...
(0:23) Welcome to Take Heart where our goal is to give you hope, offer insight and encouragement, so you can flourish and your journey as a special needs mom. Each week Carrie, Amy, and Sara will explore a theme, share an inspiring story, a practical tip and an encouraging blessing using our combined experience of over 30 years of parenting children with special needs.
(1:02) Hi, it's Sara this week, and thanks for joining us today. This month we are talking about guilt. When we decided to talk about guilt this month, my first thought was, where on earth do I start? Then I thought, ladies, I thought we said we were going to keep these podcasts short, and guilt is a bottomless well of crud for me. I started to frantically think about what kind of guilt I would focus on. Will I talk about guilt over my son's disease, or the pain he'll face? Will I feel guilty because I want a break for it from it all? Will I talk about guilt over not having enough time for my other son, my husband, my family, my friends? Will I talk about the guilt I feel over not being able to do all of the good Christian girl things I feel like I need to do to remain close to God? Those are just the biggies in regards to guilt. If I really wanted to go down a rabbit hole, big ole shame spiral, we could talk about my house, the piles of dirty laundry or dishes I can't seem to ever get caught up on, not exercising enough. When I do exercise, feeling guilty over the time I spent doing it or not doing it. I mean, I could go on and on. We all have guilt. I think as special needs moms, we often have more than our fair share of guilt. Maybe it's not more; it's just a different type of guilt. We know that guilt isn't productive, so why do we feel it? Why do we feel guilt about the things we know we shouldn't feel guilty about? I mean, for crying out loud, if any other mom out there that said their child has a genetic disease and they feel so guilty about it, I’d gently tell them that guilt holds no place in their lives. I would assure her that she brought into this world, a perfect child that is wonderfully made. There's no guilt in that gift to the world. When my son's diagnosis was new, I couldn't manage to give myself that same grace. I couldn't have prevented it even if I tried. I was devastated. I just knew it was my fault somehow, and for that I felt guilty.
(3:11) Well, if you're still with me, and my little intro to my podcast hasn't sent you back to bed in the fetal position, then I want to talk about the guilt and where it originates. I think knowing its foundation will help us in all the guilty aspects of our life. I love how Brene Brown defines guilt. She often describes guilt, though, in relation to shame. Brene, yes, I use her first name. I know in my heart we should be BFFs. Brene says, “There is a profound difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is adaptive and helpful. It's holding something we've done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.’ Then she goes on to say that shame is, “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. Something we've experienced, done or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” Brene goes on to say that shame isn’t helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is more likely to be the source of destructive hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. Guilt is okay to feel, especially if we've done something wrong. We so often mistake productive guilt over destructive shame. I believe guilt to be something God has instilled in us to help us be better people. We are human, so we need a gentle nudge from time to time. We say or do something to hurt someone else. We feel guilt and hopefully, we apologize or set it to rights. I believe shame is something straight from Satan. God would never say we are flawed or unworthy of love. He sent his Son to die on a cross for us because he loved us so much, because he is relational, and he wants a relationship with us.
(5:05) I want to share with you what God says about you. Looking in the Bible, there are so many scriptures of the positive, wonderful, graceful things that God says about you. Here are just a few. He calls you loved (John 3:16). He calls you worthy (Zephaniah 3:17). He calls you friend (John 15:15). He calls you his (I John 3:1). He calls you his workmanship, his art (Ephesians 2:10). He calls you his heir, his princess (Romans 8:17). He calls you bold and competent. (Ephesians 3:12). He calls you purposed (Jeremiah 29:11). He calls you justified and redeemed. (Romans 3:24). He calls you accepted (Romans 15:7). He calls you wise, righteous and sanctified (I Corinthians 1:30). He calls you his temple (I Corinthians 6:19). He calls you triumphant (II Corinthians 2:14). He calls you forgiven (Ephesians 1:7). He calls you blameless (Ephesians 1:4). I could go on and on. The hardest part of compiling those verses was narrowing down all of the beautiful things God thinks of you thinks of us. Let's say that last one again. He calls you blameless. Blameless, has no room for guilt, friend. Whatever guilt is plaguing your heart, give it to God. He doesn't think you deserve it. It did not come from him. He wants to take that from you. In fact, Christ already has.
(6:50) I want to leave you with one final thing. I want to share an exercise that I do when guilt turns into a shame spiral for me. When I don't feel like I've done enough or that I am enough, I close my eyes, and I use imaginative prayer. It differs, but I'll share one that I often use. Guilt is something altogether too easy for me to feel, unfortunately. So here's one that I use. Here it goes. If you're able and it helps, close your eyes and put yourself into the story instead of me. I go for a drive. It's a beautiful spring day. It started off so sunny and beautiful. As I'm driving though, I keep getting lost. All of a sudden, before I even know it. I'm on a desolate road. It's dark, I'm lost and I'm scared. And I realized then that this dark place I'm in. It's really thoughts. Satan has slipped in the backseat, and he's been navigating my thoughts. When I wanted to turn right and go to peace. He told me left was the right way to go. Now I find myself in guilt. When I wanted to turn around and go back to joy, he steered me towards sadness and loneliness. I pulled over because I know I can't keep going down this road any longer. I know what lies ahead, and I promised myself I wouldn't go back to that desolate place again. There I am on the side of the road, and I'm crying, I'm hunched over with my forehead on my folded hands on the top of the steering wheel. I just want to find my way home again. I no longer want to listen to Satan's lies that keep me lost and alone. So in desperation, I cry out in a broken whisper. Jesus, bring me out of this. I'm so tired. I'm tired of being lost. I feel a soft hand on my shoulder, so I look up cautiously, and I see Jesus is riding shotgun. Satan is gone. I see light on the road in my rear view mirror. Jesus says to me, “Let's turn this car around.” He's telling me the direction of where I need, and where I want to be. Slowly but surely as I listen to Jesus, and I follow his directions, I find myself back into that lit path. I'm no longer crying but laughing at a joke he just told me because y'all, God has a sense of humor. He smiles at me and tells me you have done so well with what you have been given. You are carrying it so unbelievably well, and I am proud of you. Well done, my child. Well done. So guys, I'm telling you all that Satan's lies cannot live through that, especially if you invite Jesus to ride shotgun in your car. I guarantee that Jesus would not be speaking the lies of guilt, shame and worthlessness into your heart. When you feel guilt, shame, or perhaps you feel like a failure or you feel unworthy, remember who is speaking those hateful things to you. Remember those shady tactics are from Satan himself. Remember that Satan will keep slipping into that back seat. If you let him he does that, because he knows it works. He has been doing it since the beginning of time. He has done it since that snake slithered into the garden of Eden. Instead of leaning into the guilt and shame, imagine what Jesus would be telling you. What would he be saying to you, his beloved, his worthy child, his prize, his princess, his work of art, his friend?
(10:33) Lord, you are such a good God. Thank you so much for just loving us and speaking truth into our heart. Lord, we pray that we realize that you speak so highly of us, and you think so highly of us. and you want us to be friends. You want us to be in your kingdom, you want a relationship with us. You do not speak those hateful and hurtful things into our heart. May we just recognize where that voice is coming from, that we learn to trust you. In your precious son's name. Amen.
(11:22) Thank you for joining us this week on Take Heart. If you are loving our podcast, would you do us a favor and leave a review on whatever platform you're using to listen to our podcast? You can follow us on Instagram or Facebook @takeheartspecialmoms. If you have a question or comment or would like to share your story with us, follow the links in our show notes. We love to hear from our listeners. Listen in next Tuesday, as all three of us come together to share thoughts on guilt.