Take Heart

Identity Crisis: Who Are You, Really? with Sara Clime

October 18, 2022 • Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 3 • Episode 103

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Have you ever had an identity crisis? We all struggle with our identity in some way and at different times in our life.  In this episode, Sara Clime redirects us from a misplaced identity to one that is built on a firm foundation. She also shares about someone from scripture that may have had an identity crisis when he was chosen for God’s good work.

October 18, 2022; Ep. 103

Show Links:

  • Scriptures Mentioned: Ephesians 1:3-14

Show Takeaways: 

  • [1:03] Discover the meaning of an identity crisis and practical ways to remember who you truly are.
  • [7:09] Listen to the story of Moses and his call to do God’s will in a challenging situation.
  • [9:09] Learn about why it is so important to believe what God says about you and not the world.

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Sara Clime  0:09  
Welcome to Season 3 of Take Heart where our goal is to offer encouragement, give hope and insight, so you can flourish in your journey as a special needs mom. As we explore monthly themes, share inspiring stories and practical tips, our desire is for you to feel connected and encouraged. All of our resources including an entire written transcript of this episode is available on our website www.takeheartspecialmoms.com There are also quick links to anything we mentioned in the show notes of this episode. Thank you for joining us today.

[1;03] Hi, this is Sara Clime, and I am so glad you are here with me today. We are talking about identity this month. When you think of the word identity, what do you think of? Do you think of your family of origin, your mom, dad, grandparents, siblings, maybe even your ancestors? Maybe you think of the family you have personally created: your spouse, your children. Maybe you think of a career, education, politics, religion, culture, race, gender, maybe something else. Possibly, identity to you as a little or all of the above that we mentioned. Betting a feel for who we are, our identity is easy in theory, but it is complex in reality. According to Psychology Today, identity continues to evolve over the course of an individual's life. Identity is ever-changing. Most of the time, I think that's an amazing thing. I hope I am a better person today than I was a year ago. I sure hope I am even better than I was even 10 years ago. However, we all know that change is not always easy. We've all heard the term identity crisis. But what exactly is an identity crisis? I think that term is just kind of thrown around, but dictionary.com defines identity crisis as "a period or episode of psychological distress, often occurring in adolescence, but sometimes in adulthood when a person seeks a clear sense of self and an acceptable role in society." An identity crisis is also defined as "confusion as to goals and priorities." Take a moment to reflect on the meaning of identity to you. What comes to mind? What are the aspects of your identity that you hold the most dear? What are the most important parts of your identity? Is it your role in your family? Is it your career, your religion, your culture, your race? What can cause you to feel an identity crisis begin to evolve? What part of your identity is vital to you that if it feels compromised, everything else seems to feel like it spirals out of control? Does it vary based on trauma or tragedy? Feel free to hit pause right now and write down whatever comes to mind: good or bad, positive or messy emotions when it comes to identity or identity crisis. 

[3:44] There have been some instances in my life that have caused me to reevaluate my identity. Too often our identity comes from a place of misplaced identity, we find our identity in a relationship that is great until that relationship falls apart. Who are we, if not the child, the spouse, the parent, the friend, or whomever, of that other person? Our identity may hinge on our role or title at work, but what happens when our job is eliminated or we have to leave our job to care for our child? What happens to our identity when we have to give up our job or our career? Our identity is solidly wrapped around others praising our great volunteer work on the ABC committee. What happens to our identity though, when we can no longer spare the hours to volunteer enough to garner those constant accolades from others? Identity crisis can also come from being pushed out of our comfort zones or feeling that we aren't worthy. Perhaps our identity crisis is one we aren't truly even consciously aware of. We have been told our entire lives that we are too soft-spoken, or too brazen, too meek, too pushy, too lazy, too submissive, too condescending, too empathetic, too argumentative, too impulsive, or too cautious. Well, you get the picture, insert your own insecurity provided by others here. In fact, we have somehow adopted those traits as truth, or at the very least, have let them become a false identity, so deeply embedded into who we are. Those parts of our identity, hold us back, or hinders our true identity. 

[5:46] How do we find our true identity? Maybe you're listening right now, and you're thinking, how can I find my true identity when 99% of my day revolves around caring for someone else? I rarely find the time to think of anything other than medical bills, insurance claims, durable medical equipment, behavioral issues, IEPs, phone calls from school, or insert whatever other mom caregiving task is next on the list here. It's never-ending. So, identity, Sara, seriously? Well, when I find myself at worst in an identity crisis, or at best, struggling with a false identity, I remind myself that my identity doesn't lie in what I think of myself, or what anyone else thinks of me, for that matter. My identity, my true identity, is what God thinks of me. My identity is of who God says I am, who God called me to be. The Bible is full of stories of men and women who struggled with their identity, yet God still uses them. They had feelings of inadequacy, fearing they weren't enough, or not knowing who they truly were. 

[7:09] One of my favorite stories in the Bible is of someone who thought he wasn't enough, who had a bit of an identity crisis. Moses, who witnessed a burning bush that was not being consumed by the fire, a talking burning bush, mind you. He was so insecure that he still argued with God. When God told Moses, that he was going to talk to Pharaoh, the leader of Egypt, who was keeping God's people, the Israelites, slaves. Moses basically said, "Yeah, that's not going to happen. I'm not enough." God replied to Moses, that he would be with Moses, so it was all going to be okay. He would give him the words to say, but Moses still pressed on and argued with God. Finally, Moses asked God, to please send someone else. This entire story is a great one on obedience and God's patience and grace when we feel we are inadequate. Even when God says we aren't. For today's topic, my takeaway from Moses's story is that Moses's self-identity was one of inadequacy, a false identity. Moses was slow in speech, possibly one who even stuttered, and here he was supposed to go and speak to Pharaoh, the leader of Egypt. However, it wasn't what Moses thought about himself or Moses's abilities that ultimately mattered. It wasn't Moses's identity, how he saw himself, or even in his abilities that mattered. It was how God saw him that truly mattered. It was Moses's obedience to God that was crucial. God had a calling for Moses, and therefore God equipped Moses. 

[9:09] A couple of years ago, I wrote a Bible study on identity, and it was based on Ephesians 1. I encourage you to read Ephesians 1:3-14. I want to read Ephesians 1:4 for you, though, and it says, "Even as he chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him in love." As we think about identity, I would never say our family of origin or worldly relationships, careers, education, gender, race, whatever, none of that. I would never say that that doesn't matter.T hey do. However, I believe that our true identity lies within the truth of what we read in Ephesians 1:4, of what God says we are, of God's identity for us. So let's read that again. Read Ephesians 1:4, and this is the ESV version. It says, "Even as he chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him in love." I don't know if you caught that, but God chose us. He chose me, he chose you. He chose your child. He chose that person that you care for. He chose us before he created the world before he created the heavens and the earth, the birds of the air. Before He created anything, he chose us to have a relationship with. He chose because he wanted a relationship with you, and with me, and he did. He chose us in love, and he did so intentionally. It wasn't by chance, and it wasn't an accident. If you read the entire passage, you'll read that he chose us in Christ, which sets the foundation for our identity, and we are tied to Christ, which means we are tied to each other as a community of believers. God chose us before he created the world, God chose us in Christ and his Son, who he knew he would send to the world to die for us, that is a lot of love. That is a lot of a very strong identity. When I'm in the middle of an identity crisis because someone said something mean, or someone doesn't believe in who I am, or I don't believe in who I am, or for whatever reason, my identity is starting to spiral out of control, and I seem to find myself in one, or at least in the beginning stages of one identity crisis, and they do come often, I remember my true identity, and that is in God. 

[11:51] Here's the challenge this week. I believe that this is especially helpful in those moments when you feel unseen or unheard, or if you feel lost. If you feel a little lost and who you are, who you are as an individual or your identity, or your worth, try to take a walk, or just sit outside, take a look around you, and maybe find a bench. Find a nice place on the ground under a tree. As you sit there, look around you, but really look around you. Breathe, reflect, meditate, and read through Ephesians 1:3-14. If you're sitting down, maybe write down words that stand out to you. If you're walking, try to pay attention to those words that stand out. Words like chosen in Christ. Remember that every single thing you see, every single blade of grass, every cloud in the sky, every leaf, flower, tree, every stream, every lake, mountaintop, every animal, every insect, every bird in the sky, and even the air you breathe was created after God thought of you and after he chose you. That, my friend, is your identity. Thank you so much for joining us today. Please join us next week as we continue this discussion on identity.