Take Heart

A Different Perspective On Perseverance with Amy, Carrie, & Sara.

• Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 3 • Episode 112

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The messages we hear about perseverance can feel so cliche when in reality, it can be challenging to persist through hard times. On this episode of Take Heart, Sara, Carrie, and Amy discuss their stories and perspectives of perseverance with children with disabilities, how to find a balance to persevere longer and what they have learned about it along their motherhood journeys. This is an insightful and refreshing conversation about how to know when to persevere and when to put in helpful boundaries, among other practical and life-giving advice! 

Ep. 112; January 24, 2023

Show Takeaways: 

  • [5:50] Consequences of not persevering?
  • [13:53] When pushing through is a detriment to your health and the relationships around you. 
  • [33:15] Listen in to explore where perseverance truly comes from.

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Sara Clime  0:10  
Welcome to another episode of Take Heart, where our goal is to offer encouragement, give hope, and insight so you can flourish in your journey as a special needs mom. As we explore monthly themes and share inspiring stories and practical tips, our desire is for you to feel connected and encouraged. All of our resources, including our entire written transcript of this episode, are available on our website at www.takeheartspecialmoms.com. There are also quick links to anything we mentioned in the show notes of this episode. Thank you for joining us today.

Hi, this is Sara Clime, and I am here with Carrie M. Holt and Amy J. Brown. We are wrapping up this month's topic on perseverance without naming names. There are many leadership books and blogs, articles, podcasts, etc. that will give you many wonderful quotes and affirmations on perseverance such as, and I'm going to paraphrase to avoid having to use the names. Here's one, "Perseverance is never quitting." "Perseverance isn't about quitting when you're tired. It's about pushing through until the job is complete." Here's one, "Tenacity pays off." How about, "Persistence is believing in your purpose, or don't let obstacles get in the way of your goals." Just persevere. Then there are quotes that treat adversity as an opportunity for success. Let's not forget these. But a little disclaimer, I have my own business, and I actually have some of these in my office. I do need to say that. As a caregiver, and for this episode, I just want to say that this kind of made me want to throw punch somebody, so I'm just gonna say that out loud. I wanted to rip them down from my office. I have one specifically I'm not going to tell you which one it was. It says, "In the middle of adversity lies opportunity."Confucius says, "The gem cannot be polished without friction nor man without trials." Lee Mitchell Hodges says, "Failure is often that early morning hour of darkness which precedes the dawning of the day of success." I mean, does anybody else just want to throw punch somebody right now? I don't know. Maybe it's just me. Here we are. These are some quotes that I actually just I fist pump the air. I thought yes, these make sense to me as a caregiver. Maybe it was just the mood I was in. The first is from Marianne Radmacher. She's an American author and artist and she says, "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." The second one is from Nelson Mandela. Seriously, who can argue with him? Anybody who can say Nelson Mandela's not right is twisted. So he said, "It always seems impossible until it's done." Here's the point that I guess I would like to make. I feel that this is the cold, hard truth as caregivers and moms to those with disabilities and special needs. Perseverance...it's not always an affirmation, nor is it a cliche. It isn't something we get to chant to ourselves. It's not a pretty poster, the ones with the steps that lead to nowhere with that guy in the briefcase that's like climbing the steps. He's going to make it like it's that Monday that only he's going to get to the top. It's difficult, and it's something we simply have to do. There's nobody at the top of those stairs. We don't have a briefcase, chances are, we are covered in gunk, and we have to keep going. There's nobody that's there to push us. There's no information, and there's no pretty poster on the wall.

Carrie M Holt  4:21  
We're not going to get a gold medal, either. Right?

Sara Clime  4:23  
There's no medal. I'm sorry. There's no medal. It just seems impossible until we yet again, get it done. I love that quote by Nelson Mandela. "It always seems impossible until it's done." We always get it done. Ladies, we just do, but we have to persevere. We have to be persistent. We have the staying power. We have to be resilient 24 hours, seven days a week, 365 days a year, or do we? That's what I want to talk about today. Carrie and Amy, I want to have a discussion about what it means to maybe not persevering at times. What happens when we as moms and caregivers run out of that staying power, maybe just for a moment, or we don't have the tenacity for a brief period of time, or the persistence, or the endurance, or whatever other adjectives you want to throw in there? Because ladies, we are amazing. We are awesome, but we are also human, and we will run out of steam. Carrie, maybe you want to start. What does that look like when we run out of perseverance, or we just have that little blip in the evening? Was there a time when you can think of when you did run out of it? What were the consequences if there were any?

Carrie M Holt  5:50  
The first thing that comes to mind is, recently we were on vacation. My son got sick on vacation. It's always a vacation. It's always a vacation. I remember we got home, and I had a million medical supplies to unpack and put away and a ventilator to set up. When we travel, it's so much equipment: it's a pulse ox, it's oxygen, all that stuff. I looked at my husband, and said, "I can't; I cannot take him to urgent care." I think he had pinkeye. That's what it was; I think he had pinkeye in both eyes, it was pretty horrible. He gets it really bad. I just looked at him, and I said I can't do it today. Honestly, I remember feeling so guilty about it because what mom can't take her child to the ER or whatever. I just was not in a place where I felt like I could advocate. I had been caring for a lot of people that week, and doing some different things with our vacation. It kind of reminds me of the stories about when you leave dad with the kids for the first time, and the toddlers are running around. The thing of it is, is, it got done. Now, did he ask all the questions I would have asked? I remember after that whole thing, I guess probably one consequence was the doctor prescribed one medication, and there was a different medication on the discharge paperwork than was actually called into the pharmacy. A couple of days later, I had a call and clarify. But was it that big of a deal? No, it really wasn't. Honestly, it felt so good to say, "You know what? You just do this." I think what I had to give up was, it had to be done my way. I think sometimes when we're persevering so much, it's because we're holding on to this has to be done my way. I know we have listeners out there who are single moms and don't have people that they can rely on and just say, Here you go. Maybe it's just letting things go in the hospital or not letting every detail be abided by in the IEP when it's safe, or whatever it is. You just have to let it go.

Sara Clime  8:34  
I think that's so good, Carrie; that's such a good point. Because I sometimes think not persevering is just letting go of your own ideals of what has to happen. Sometimes it's not a matter of just things not getting done. It's just maybe not getting done as perfectly as what you think needs to happen. Somehow, my son is at the age of 18, and he's not completely a lost cause. I think that's a really good word, Carrie also helps if you do have other people that will help; at some point, you didn't know what you were doing either as a caregiver, and at some point, you got the wrong medication. At some point, you didn't ask the right questions, and you learned because you learned by not asking the right questions and calling in and having to redo things. Your backup caregivers, the people that will help you, they'll learn too. At least you only had to make that one phone call; you didn't have to sit in urgent care; you still only had that one little task because let's be honest, it's not just pinkeye when we have our children. It's a whole ordeal. 

Carrie M Holt  9:52  
Yeah, and disclaimer, it was not my husband's fault at all; it was the doctor's fault. She made a mistake. It wasn't a big mistake. I just had to let go of 'this has to be done my way'. It was very freeing too. I think you also have to recognize like I recognize in my body and in myself that if I went with him, it was not going to be a good situation. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I could not deal with it right then. I would not have been. I would have been irritable, I could have taken it out on him. I was in a space that was not okay for me.

Sara Clime  10:38  
You could have made it worse. Yeah, yeah. What about you, Amy? 

Amy J. Brown  10:43  
I don't really have a specific story like Carrie, I have more of a pattern that I've noticed about myself. That is, when things are really chaotic, I'm good in that situation where there's a whole lot going on. I'm good in an emergency; I can handle all that. I think a lot a lot of moms do. It's those moments after the emergency, where I feel like I have to get everything back to normal right now, for my kids, other kids, for my home. I don't pause. That is where I'm gonna persevere and get the house back in order and the meals back in order and make sure everybody else is okay. I don't give myself the space to think wait a minute, you've just been through this big thing, and you want to keep going. You want it to be a blip for the rest of the week or for the other people in your family. That's when I would push myself too hard. It would never turn out well because guess what, I would be crabby, or I would fall apart, or cry, or whatever. If I just would have taken that pause, it would have been way better for first of all myself, not just my other kids and my husband. I mean, they are important too. It would be better just for me to take that pause. That's kind of a pattern that I've noticed. I think that's another area of control, whether it's guilt that I've just been dealing with all this stuff with this child and ignored everybody else. I have to quickly get back to being a normal mom with them. Whatever emotion drives that behavior, it's not coming from a place of fullness. It's definitely coming from a place of scarcity.

Carrie M Holt  12:30  
I think also when we do that, Sara, you talked about this a little bit in your Unrest podcasts. You don't want to deal with the emotions of the situation, and then you're not grieving. I'm not saying we can force grief, but when we're not stopping to notice the losses in those moments, then I think it's when it builds up and builds up and builds up, and then we have these huge meltdown moments later because all this grief has built up inside of us; all the emotions, the anger that we've not been aware of, where if we would allow ourselves a little bit more space...Amy, I'm wired the exact same way. At the recording of this podcast, my entire family was here for the holidays, and they all left, and immediately I just wanted to do all the laundry. Honestly, I was exhausted, but I also wasn't allowing myself the space to just take in all the little moments of joy that happened in the last few days and be able to hold my new nephew and enjoy my nieces and nephews. On the negative side, those negative emotions, the grief, and the sorrow keep building up, and then it comes crashing down.

Sara Clime  13:53  
I think that goes into kind of another question, kind of the same question. Amy, you touched on it; what are some of the signs when you're getting close to the end of your perseverance or when you are holding on with that white-knuckled grip to your perseverance? Mine is almost like a barometer, and mine is at the top. I'm reaching my endurance limit. I know I am. For some people, I think that they begin to catastrophize.  I'll think people are going to come over, and they're going to look at my baseboards, and they're going to see my baseboards are dirty, and then they're going to think that I can't take care of my children. They're going to move my toaster and they're going to see the crumbs under my toaster, and they're going to think that I'm an absolute slob. Suddenly it goes from zero to I am the worst person in the world, and I don't know why it is. That is one of a million little things. My husband and I were talking about this the other night. He said, "It has to be exhausting to be in your brain." I said, "It is exhausting to be in my head." Why? I don't understand; he could have trash out of the living room, and he would tell them to come on in and excuse the trash. For me, why do I have to obsess over how the coasters aren't stacked? I know, for me, that's just one of them. Also, I start to snap at people, I get so stressed, I snap at people. that's one of the things that I do. I also noticed for TJ, he also has little quirks he's on the spectrum, but he has certain things that. I'm with him most of the time. He likes to have his blankets just straightened. Will you straighten my blanket? Will you give me water? He can't carry things on his own or that kind of thing. I can tell whenever I am getting to the end of my endurance level, his asks start to go down. I will notice that he will not ask for water. I'll say, "Are you thirsty?" Yeah, I didn't want to ask for more water." He will be lying in bed and has not drunk a drop of water for an hour because he doesn't want to bother me. What am I persevering for? Am I persevering and not asking for help? Why? What is the motivation behind me pushing through? Is it because I have to? Because there's no one there to help me or is it because I'm too proud to ask somebody around me for help? What is the motivation behind that? I have to ask myself some really tough questions. Sometimes, I have to ask my husband, can you be on water duty tonight? Sure, I can get water. He says, "I'm fairly capable of straightening the blankets and getting the water." He's more than happy to do that. It's just sometimes it's just a matter of me having to ask. I've noticed sometimes the consequences of my pushing through; it's not just me, that is negatively impacted; it's those around me that I love. Sometimes pushing through, it doesn't just impact you; it impacts others around you. me. I also think that it doesn't allow those around me the chance to love him the way that they want to love him.

Amy J. Brown  17:35  
I think we think, oh, the kids aren't picking up on this, but they do. Everybody around us does. It makes me think 'what's the motivation?' All those quotes you read at the beginning it's kind of a narrative of our lives as moms and in our culture: Buck up, let's get it done. This is what success looks like. I think that's very harmful at times, especially when the relationship is hindered because we're pushing through. We may not realize that, but that's what's happening.

Sara Clime  18:09  
This is probably a whole other podcast. This is a rabbit trail; we probably don't need to go down. We also live in a society where the first question out of your mouth is, "What do you do for a living?" People always say, "I can't do what you do." But on the other hand, they'll say, "Well, what do you do?" I'm a full-time caregiver. Oh! They don't know how to handle that; they don't know how to respond to you. They don't know what goes into that. One, they're too uncomfortable; they don't want to have that discussion. It is a very tough discussion to have with people. We don't have that briefcase, and we don't have that set of stairs. We don't fit into the success mold. We have our own set of perseverance and success; it just looks very different. Carrie, as you said, we don't get a reward at the end of the day. We don't get this hefty paycheck; we don't get a bonus; we don't get any of that. We have a very different set of standards that we have to meet. We have to watch what ours is because it has a very different outcome if we don't do it just right.

Carrie M Holt  19:22  
I think, Amy, you're right. I mean, somewhere along the way, we've just believed the lie that our worth and value come from getting it all done, checking all the boxes off, and doing it whatever the right way is in our mind. Sometimes I think that's to the sacrifice of the relationship with that child or someone else because we're not willing to let them in to help, let them into our pain. I've had a similar situation with my son too, where I realized that he stopped talking to me about something that had been a consistent conversation that we had had for a long time. I thought, 'did he stop asking me about this because I got tired of talking about it with him'. I was communicating that through my face and my voice, and my body language. We've had some conversations about it since then. I remember telling my kids when they were little that people are more important than things. As I've gotten older, I've realized that that phrase has turned to people being more important than getting my to-do list done and pushing through. The relationship is more important than that.

Amy J. Brown  20:37  
Can I add to that relationship piece? I have adult kids who are not in the home and everything. Another way, though, that you can honor the relationship is by saying, "I really want to have this conversation with you, but I can't right now." I've had to learn to say that with my adult kids because they don't live here. I always want to be available, but to be able to say. I think that's another way that sometimes we push through in that, and maybe we're not as present as we could be. An encouragement too, when there are hard conversations or even if it's normal conversations, and you're just done. It's okay to be done in that situation, too, because we've consistently been present for our kids. The one time you go, I can't answer this right now. I promise I will call you later, and we'll discuss this. That was a hard hurdle for me to jump. It has given me a lot more space to be actually in the conversation and not distracted. 

Sara Clime  21:36  
I think that's a really good point, Amy, when we're talking about the siblings of those with disabilities and special needs because my oldest is also in college. As they get older, I have learned the same thing where It's okay to look at your children and say, "I have no idea how to navigate this conversation. I don't know what I'm doing, but we're gonna figure it out together." I've looked at myself before. All I know is that I love you and want to do right by you, and we're going to figure it out together. You'll be honest with me, and I will be honest with you, and we'll figure it out. We laughed about it. We're all in such a weird dynamic. There's no rulebook to parenting. There is definitely not a rulebook to parenting children with disabilities and siblings of children with disabilities. Sometimes it's okay to look at your children and say, "I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out together." If you look back on our siblings' episode, I think that our children appreciate the fact that it teaches them and gives them the courage to say, "You know what, it's okay; as a parent, I'm not going to have it all figured out, either.

Carrie M Holt  22:58  
I think I want to point out that in both of your situations, there's still attunement there; you're still saying, I see you, I see you, but this can wait, or, or we'll figure this out together or whatever that situation might be. That's what our kids need the most all of our children is that attunement. It's okay to say, you know, I'm not in a space where I can handle this right now, but we will come back to this and talk about it.

Sara Clime  23:28  
Yeah. Do you follow up with them? Yeah. All right. So we all have our signs. I think we can all agree that may be mental breakdowns.  I don't like the term mental breakdowns. No, I just said that. I had one of mine, and I would like to do a little shout-out to my friend Robin, who I just had my little crying fest with at the coffee shop this last weekend. Some of the things that I notice about myself is whenever I get to the point where I don't feel like I can push through is that I will start to avoid the people that speak truth into my life because I know that they are going to look at me and say, "What are you doing to take care of yourself?" I don't want to hear what they have to say because they will say very hard things to me. Robin is one of those, and she said some very hard things to me this last weekend. I knew all I was going to do was cry for a whole hour, and I did. My point with that is part of perseverance is that sometimes you're gonna cry. That's part of perseverance. Sometimes it is having those moments where you say I can't do it. I cannot take him to urgent care. I cannot do it. That's part of persevering, and that's part of knowing your limits. I think that that's part of pushing through because if you don't know your limits, you're not going to be able to push through the next time; you're going to make it that much worse. This one problem is now going to be five. I think that that's one thing that has helped me a lot. Speaking of that, what are some practical things...now that we've talked about all the things that we have created messes for ourselves or the weird things that we've done. What practical things can we do to protect ourselves from perseverance and burnout? What are some of the things that we can proactively do to help ourselves not reach those limits?

Amy J. Brown  25:49  
I would say, for me, it starts in my body and ends in my body, and I ignore my body like nobody's business.  It's my tendency to be like a car with the gas pedal stuck on go; I can keep going for a really long time, too. But it's to my detriment. I'm learning to ask: what does my body need here at this moment? Normally, it is a body thing for me. Maybe I need to drink water or go lay down in a dark room or eat or go for a walk around the block. I can ignore a headache and a sore neck for weeks, and that's my body's saying you're carrying too much. I can ignore it. I have a practice where every day, I'm weighing in (evaluating) what's going on in my body today. Okay, my neck is sore again today. I'm trying to be aware of that because that, for me, personally, is where it shows up. I can think of pretty quick actions to take if I can get my brain there. That's kind of just something that I tried to do, also. What you said, Sara, I have a couple of friends that I will say, "Now, do not let me do this." I want you to come to get me if I start doing this. Sometimes you need a friend to go, "You realize everything you're saying isn't real?" You've made something? I think friends that can tell you that are gold.

Sara Clime  27:22  
Listen, hot mess express..it's time. 

Carrie M Holt  27:29  
Yeah. I think for me. I realize that I get to the point where two things happen. I stop caring and any other thing of empathy that requires me to care about it; I feel like giving up. I retreat, I find the things that will give me the quickest comfort, whether it's sugar or my phone, and I feel like this is such a thing that is in process for me. I don't want to say that I have this figured out or have answers because I don't. Even today, I realize that I was getting kind of overwhelmed. It's because I am letting my life be run by the fire to put out on my phone, the tasks to get done in my email. It's just this constant 24/7 access to all the things that need to get done in the end. I am not doing a good job of setting those limits. I think too, when those emotions rise up (the anger and all that kind of stuff) is starting to ask myself questions, journal about it, even make notes. I started seeing a Christian counselor a few months ago, and I started writing some things down to talk to her about the next time I'm going to see her. So, I can process that a little bit deeper and get into the why of this and and how to what do I need to do and what's the lie that I believe that I need to ask God for help in? 

Sara Clime  29:13  
To respond to what you said, you said that you stopped caring. Knowing you, I can't even imagine that you stopped caring. That was a phrase that you need to rephrase because I can't even imagine you stopped caring about anything. You probably feel like you have stopped caring about stuff. That I can completely relate to that because you get to the point where you think, 'I'm done.' 

Amy J. Brown  29:42  
It's a detachment.

Sara Clime  29:43  
It's a detachment. Yes, the whole house can burn down. I don't care. You want cookies for dinner? Absolutely. 50, I really don't care. I don't care. Mine is I get to the point...whenever I feel like I have to persevere. It's usually because I have taken on too much. I have said yes to too much. That is my big thing. I don't want to let anybody down. I have decided that I have said yes, yes, yes, yes, yes because I am avoiding feeling. That is, like what we talked about in my rest episode. That is my thing. I am a classic avoider of feelings. I have a 10-10-10 rule. I have it in my office on a little pushpin board. My 10-10-10 rule is if I feel like I have to push through. Does it matter in 10 minutes? Is what I'm doing right now, is it gonna matter in 10 minutes, ten days, or ten months? 10 years? If I can keep going, is this gonna matter in 10 minutes? If the answer's no, I don't do it. Does it matter in 10 minutes? Yes. Is it gonna matter in 10 days? No, then that can get set aside. I keep doing that. Whenever it comes to my health, I have set my health aside for so long. I'll take a walk later, or exercise later, and I'll get back to the gym later. That's gonna matter in 10 minutes. It's not gonna matter in 10 minutes, but it's gonna matter in 10 days, it's gonna matter in 10 years, 10 months. That's one of the things I've been trying to implement again, is that 10-10-10 rule. I think we lose sight of that because when you start to persevere, you're looking at what's right in front of you and not looking at the long term. I have been trying lately, too; whenever I persevere, I try to remove myself from the equation. I've been trying to put God back in the equation. What is his view on this right now? I think when you're trying to persevere, sometimes you're taking on too much. Sometimes it is what it is; you must do whatever it is (the medical thing you must do right then). It doesn't matter about the 10-10-10 rule. Other times it is just a matter of doing what you have to do right then and there. Sometimes I think you can look at the long term and unapologetically eliminate things on your plate that don't matter. It is going to disappear. It will disappoint people. I think one of the things that I am learning is boundaries are so important. Everybody accepts and supports your boundaries until they realize that they might be on the outside of that fence. They will say, "Yeah, girl, you do too much. You need to set some boundaries." Then they realize they're on outside of that boundary. "Oh, no, I wanted to be inside that fence." I think one of the things I'm learning is that I'm learning to set my own boundaries alone. What are the boundaries that I need to make to make my life sustainable? From my point of view, my family's point, and God's point of view, what do I need to do? I think it's working, I think, slowly but surely, I'm making tons of mistakes. Slowly but surely, you're gonna get there.

Carrie M Holt  33:15  
Earlier, Sara, when you were talking about  God being there. In the very beginning, when you were listing off all those quotes, for some reason, it popped into my head, because I'm so musically inclined. There's a song by mercy me that it talks about, "Always Look on the bright side, or the appropriate cliche is that it's easier said than done. I don't want to hear what I'm going through is just for a season or that my glass should be half full when it's in a million pieces." The chorus goes on to say that when it's broken in pieces is when the light of God shines through. I think in some of this; we forget that this perseverance cannot come from us. It has to come from the strength of the Lord. Even when we feel like we have shattered everything into a million pieces, is when the Lord says, here you go, I'm gonna fill, I'm going to fill in the cracks. I will shine through this brokenness, and we release that control. God's light is shining through.

Sara Clime  34:44  
Yeah, I think it comes down to who are you. What are you persevering for? Yeah, who are you persevering for? Who's calling you to that? 

Carrie M Holt  34:55  
Are we trying to do it all on our own in our own, trying to control everything and make our life look good and feel better because we've done everything right? Are we actually loving Jesus and letting him show us what he wants us to do, not what we think we should be doing, but what he is asking us to do?

Sara Clime  35:16  
I love this question, and I hate this question both. I'm gonna ask it anyway. What is the one thing you would tell yourself about pushing through the tough days or the tough moments when you first started this journey as a special needs mom or a mom to a child with disabilities? What was the one thing you would tell yourself?

Amy J. Brown  35:45  
I'll go, and I want to talk to moms with kids with behavioral issues, especially? You have time. In the midst of behavior, I think we have to fix all this now. I often tell people you don't have to fix every behavioral problem; pick one, and some let go because we forget that their brains may be marred by trauma but then still developing. What you see now may not be what you see two years from now, three years from now, or six months from now. I wish someone had told me that this child, with all these behavioral issues, had an immature nervous system, that some things wouldn't get better, but some things would. I wouldn't have used all my firepower trying to put out behavior. I probably did that because I was judged by my kid's behavior,  but you have time. You don't have to solve it all now. You can wait to fill out the form. I think that's what I would definitely say because that's been my downfall to say I have to do it all right now.

Carrie M Holt  37:01  
I think one thing that I would go back and tell myself about pushing through or persevering is just that I would ask myself this question: are the expectations that you are placing on yourself, and that list of to-do's that you think that you have to get done, is that coming from you, or other people, or is this what God expects of you? So many times, we place so many things on ourselves, what society does, or what we think others are expecting us to do. It's actually not really what the Lord wants us to do. I think sometimes, we persevere in areas that aren't actually necessary. That's probably the one thing that I would go back and tell myself is go to the Lord. First of all, ask him for strength. Let him shine through the broken pieces. Remember, things don't have to be perfect, and ask the Lord, what is it that you really want me to do in this situation? Do I need to see this task completed through, or can I let it go, and give it to somebody else? Setting those boundaries, Sara, like you talked about. Is this important in 10 minutes and ten days, ten months, or ten years from now? Is this going to have eternal value and worth? That's the advice I would give myself going back in the early days of this journey. 

I want to go ahead and pray to close us out for the podcast today. This has been such a good conversation. Thank you, Sara, for leading it. Dear Lord, I ask that you would be with our listeners and that you would help them and give them strength when they feel like their courage has run out, their strength has run out. They have an unlimited supply in you. I ask that they will seek your face and learn to understand their limits and set appropriate boundaries to the things that they're saying yes to and to know what they should say no to; also to remember that you love them more than they can ever imagine and that you are that God who perseveres above all. You have a perfect plan for them and their family. In Jesus's name, Amen.