Take Heart

Rewriting the False Narrative Regarding Relationships

• Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 2 • Episode 69

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Our most important weapon to combat loneliness is our connection with God. We need to be intentional about connecting to our Heavenly Father and with others. This week Sara shares some tools to fight the false narratives and tips on creating quality connection with God and others. 

January 18, 2022; Ep. 69

Timestamps & Key Topics:

  • 0:00-     Intro
  • 1:16-     Complex Emotion
  • 2:45-     Connection, A Priority?
  • 4:03-     Quality Connection
  • 8:14-     Rewriting False Narratives
  • 12:20-   God With Us
  • 15:24-   Prayer
  • 16:54-   Outro

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Sara Clime  0:00  
Hi, Welcome to Take Heart. We're so glad you're here. I wanted to take a moment to let you know that we have some great free resources and we would love to share them with you. You can find them on our website at take heart special moms.com

(0:25) Welcome to Take Heart where our goal is to offer encouragement, hope and insight so you can flourish in your journey as a special needs mom. As we explore monthly themes share inspiring stories and practical tips, our desire is to continue to serve you and new listeners.

(1:16)  Hi, this is Sara, and thank you for joining me today. This month we are talking about loneliness. Loneliness is such a complex emotion, and it is unique to each person. In fact, loneliness can be unique to situations, circumstances, or even stages of life. There are so many emotions that accompany loneliness, that the overall emotion can be difficult to pinpoint and even more difficult to overcome. Loneliness can come on the heels of depression and anxiety as well. When we need time to be alone, regroup or decompress, that can often get away from us. Before we know it, we've been decompressing for a while and suddenly we feel lonely. It's also difficult to understand what loneliness looks like for ourselves and for others. What creates loneliness in me maybe a respite for you. What I may need to combat loneliness may be completely different for you or for somebody else. For example, I'm an introvert, I need to be alone to recharge. My husband, though, needs limited time to himself because he thrives when he's around other people. What I found to be true for me though, is that loneliness is seldom a proximity issue. Too often people attribute loneliness with being alone, with nothing to do, no one to talk to, and nowhere to go. More often than not, that is just simply not the case. 
 
(2:45)  Special needs moms are often surrounded by an unrelenting never-ending to-do list. Some special needs moms are literally never physically alone because they are their child's hands and their voice. We have an unending dialogue with therapists, teachers, counselors, doctors, nurses, clinicians, and even insurance companies. We are simply exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. Loneliness is feelings of being excluded, out of touch, or disengaged from others. So this is why it's so important in these moments to turn to the One who created relationships. God is relational. He values connection, relationships, and community. He cares how exhausted we are. It is his nature, we are made in His image, so therefore we are made for connections, relationships, and community. Loneliness is a common emotion for special needs caregivers. We have so much on our plates that take precedence over hanging out with other people. Here's the thing, though, if we were made for connection by our Lord and Father, shouldn't it be a priority that we focus on connecting with others? But how? That's the million-dollar question, right? 

(4:03) Self-help or self-love are such hot topics. They are politically correct terms right now. We have all heard how important it is to love and care for ourselves, so we can care for others. We here at Take Heart have even talked about this. We've dedicated a whole month to this. Making meaningful connections with others is an important part of self-care. It's important to note that what is meaningful for me may be different for others. Don't settle for what others tell you you should have or look for it in other people. Really consider what you need and what God wants for you. Just like any strong relationship, all of this takes intention. Relationships are work, period. Be intentional about making quality, not quantity, authentic connections. Connections that will speak the truth in love into you. When you are withdrawing, they notice, and they confront you in love. These relationships don't happen overnight. These take time, and it takes being extremely intentional. These relationships take effort, and they take vulnerability. It takes you saying something like what I've said before to a friend. "I have depression, so when you see me doing X, Y, or Z, or not doing A, B, or C, please do "this", or say "this." I give them instructions and give them permission to speak that into me. I know when they say those words, they're noticing something, and I need to take notice of that. It's not always easy to hear, but these relationships are great. If you give them permission, they're going to give you that tough love. I've even gone so far as to tell them that they might have every right to remind me of that permission too. In saying that, sometimes they not only have to say something, but they have to say remember, Sara, you gave me permission to say that. 

(6:07)  Here's another thing, give yourself grace. Trust me whenever I say that none of us are the absolute best friends someone can have. I am blessed that I have friends who give me grace. They deserve that same grace for me. We will say things wrong. We will hurt each other's feelings, but if we are intentional about getting to know the heart of someone, those missteps can be overcome. They can even strengthen your relationship. This may seem counterintuitive since I just talked about being intentional about working on relationships and to give grace when others misstep with us. But be willing to cut ties. Please hear me that I'm not talking about relationships where reconciliation is needed. If you've had a falling out with someone, work at reconciling that relationship, if at all possible. What I'm talking about are the casual connections. Nothing major happened, it's just someone that either you don't see eye to eye with or that you feel is kind of a downer. Maybe they did say something. Maybe it's just their nature to put you down. It's okay to keep them at arm's distance. Not everyone is everyone else's cup of tea. Don't be afraid to put distance between you and someone who isn't good for you. Don't keep toxic people in your life, thinking that's going to combat loneliness. That's not the opposite of loneliness. Just be cautious you are doing this for the right reasons, though, leaving nothing unspoken or broken within the body of Christ. I can also say, when you are making these connections, get out of your comfort zone. Go to Bible studies alone, ask a friend to do something, go for a walk or a movie, come hang out on your back deck, as your child sleeps or whatever, just be vulnerable. Also, one thing that helps me combat loneliness is therapy. A good therapist is wonderful at putting things in perspective and being impartial. This is an instrument of my self-care as well. 

(8:14)  I also rewrite false narratives. As I said earlier, I need to be alone to recharge; it's part of my nature. However, it is easy for me to suddenly find myself disconnected from the outside world. What may have started as an emotional, mental, physical, or even a spiritual reset, so to speak, easily turns into me being isolated, isolated myself. Before I know it, I am telling myself that I'm too busy, my friends are too busy, or friends would prefer to do something more exciting than what my life allows. So I stay alone. It's not a far stretch from there to begin to convince myself that I'm alone for a reason. Something's wrong with me. Did I offend someone? Do they prefer not to be around me? Could I have said something to offend them? These are the devil's whispers. The devil knows God created us to be relational, and the devil also knows we do our best Kingdom work with other believers. There is strength in numbers. So the devil will convince you that you aren't worthy of connections. So rewrite those false narratives. Again, how do we do that though? This brings me to my last piece of advice when working towards relationships and meaningful connections to combat loneliness. Work at your number one relationship that will never leave you lonely, and that is your relationship with Christ. When we feel lonely, scripture tells us that there is nowhere and no time we are ever alone. God is always with us. He is here with us, and he goes before us. He is a part of us if we accept his gift of love and grace. Believers can take comfort in Psalm 139:7-10. "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there, your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me." David mentioned places he might go but knew God would already be there. And David knew that there is nowhere he can go that God isn't with us. Scripture is full of verses reminding us how important we are and how far God is willing to go to ensure that we are never alone. Matthew 28:20 says, "And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age. Hebrews 13:5 echoes this promise and says, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." And those just aren't words. They are facts. they are promises, and They are truth. How do we feel God's presence in the midst of our loneliness, especially if our loneliness is accompanied by constant chaos or trauma? Never has the word of God been so readily available to us as it is in our generation or in this generation right now. Utilize it. Take advantage of it all. Download an app, and sign up for daily lessons or daily scriptures. Spend time with God daily. Don't be too legalistic about it either. In fact, I struggle with legalism at times, but if you only have five minutes to play a song, or look at an email that has a beautiful graphic of a scripture, play the song intentionally. Read those emails every morning. Be intentional with the goal that you are connecting to God. God wants you to acknowledge his presence in your life. He won't force it, but he will cherish it. He craves a relationship with you. So talk to God. Pray. Read scripture. Surround yourself with Biblical narratives, which will combat the false narratives the devil feeds you that you should be alone that you deserve to be lonely. Use these things we have at our disposal for good. Be intentional about listening to music, podcasts, reading articles, or go on YouTube and listen to a sermon, play worship music. 

(12:20)  In fact, we have a playlist this month specifically for those times when you feel lonely. We send a playlist every month that coincides with that month's topic. So if you miss this month, we'll link it in the playlist in the show notes. There is one song on our playlist by Hillsong. United called Another In the Fire. The chorus on that song reminds me of everything God wants us to know when we feel lonely or disconnected, what is our source of joy. The chorus of that song says, "There'll be another in the fire standing next to me. There'll be another in the waters holding back the sea. And should I ever need reminding how good you've been to me, I'll count the joy come every battle, because I know that's where you'll be." I've talked before about how I use imaginative prayer often. Imaginative prayer is when we meet God, usually in the person of Jesus in a story. Sometimes we read a gospel story and imagine ourselves there, imagining the sounds, the smells, the surroundings, the views. We imagine these things, and it just simply helps you learn the Scripture more. It helps you by being with Jesus in that needed moment. So whenever I feel lonely, I begin praying asking God to reveal Himself to me at that moment. I ask him to allow my imagination to reveal His glory and His love. Then I simply pick a place I would like to meet Jesus. Sometimes he just brings me my favorite cup of coffee. I explain to him how I'm feeling, and we just sit down. I give him my problems. Then I imagine what he would say to me. What would he say to console me? What would he say to me in tough love? What would he gently redirect me with, in love? I even asked him why he is allowing the loneliness in my life in that season. Is there a lesson he has for me? Is he teaching me a profound lesson that only time alone with him can bring about fully or is there a false narrative the devil is speaking into my heart that only Jesus can eliminate? After I do that, I listen. I listen to him with my heart, and I just ask him to direct me. It is when I lean into the loneliness life creates and trust in God's goodness, his grace, and direction that I can use the loneliness to his glory. How many lessons can we learn if we stay still in the midst of those moments alone? Does it always work? Honestly, no. There are times when my emotions override anything God may teach me The beautiful thing is that I can never mess up God's plan for connection in my life. He loves me, and he loves you. He knows how wonderful you are and how much you have to offer others. My challenge to you is to allow God to work in your life, using those moments of loneliness, letting him turn the loneliness into moments of strength and solitude. 

(15:24)  Father God, thank you for always being with this. Thank you for walking beside us standing in the fires and just battling with us and holding back the waves that threaten to break us apart. I praise you that there is nowhere I will be that you aren't there. May we remember that when the loneliness starts to pervade, Lord, just please remind us that the devil whispers false narratives into our lives and that we are worthy of connection. Help us learn those profound lessons only time alone with you can teach us. We battle often and we battle hard. Help us to count the joys in those battles, knowing you are there counting them with us. Father, there are some of us who struggle with connecting with others. You made us in your image and you are a relational God, please open our minds, hearts, and our mouths to forge meaningful friendships. As you bring strong women into our lives, help us recognize their gifts, and help us be a blessing to them as well. More than anything, Lord, we thank you for loving us and wanting to be with us. You are our most meaningful connection and we know you will never leave us alone. We'd love you. Amen.

(16:54) Thanks for joining us this week on Take Heart. Our prayer each week is for your heart to be encouraged. We are grateful you're walking on the journey with us. If you have any questions or comments, please follow the links in our show notes. We love hearing from our listeners. Thanks for listening. Next week. Carrie, Amy, and I will all be together to wrap up this month on loneliness.