Take Heart

An Invitation To Surrender

• Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 2 • Episode 72

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*Note: Scripture mentioned is Hebrews 12, not Romans 12. 

To give up control over one’s life and plans is difficult because we want to protect ourselves from pain. In this episode, Carrie reminds us that surrender is an invitation to three things and how to know when you’re struggling with giving up control.

February 8, 2022; Ep. 72

Timestamps & Key Topics:

  • 0:00-    Intro
  • 1:30-    Holding On
  • 5:53-    Why Is Surrender Difficult
  • 6:56-    An Invitation
  • 11:38-  Watch Reactions
  • 12:16-  Closing Reflections

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Carrie M Holt  0:00  
Hello there and welcome to episode 72 of Take Heart. I'm so glad you're here today. If something we've mentioned in the podcast has encouraged you, can you do us a favor and leave a review? This helps us to be more visible to other people. You can find all our information about our newsletter, resources, and the transcripts of all of our podcast episodes at our website www.takeheartspecialmoms.com. Let's get started.

( 0:48)  Welcome to Take Heart where our goal is to offer encouragement, give hope and insight so you can flourish in your journey as a special needs mom. As we explore monthly themes, share inspiring stories and practical tips, our desire is to serve you and new listeners. Please feel free to share a podcast with others, and thank you for listening today.
 
(1:30)  Hello, there, it's Carrie M. Holt today, and our topic for this month in February is surrender. Surrender means to give up control, and boy is this a doozy of a topic. Recently, our son with special needs was reading the book Where the Red Fern Grows for our homeschool. In that book, I don't know if you've read it. I read it as a child and had to refresh my memory. The boy needs raccoon skins to teach his dogs how to hunt. He's not having much luck getting any, and then his grandfather gives him an idea to use a fallen log that has a hole where the knot was. He put something shiny inside that fallen log, large enough for the raccoon to reach in that hole, but small enough that once the raccoon would make a fist to hold on to that thing, he would be caught. This works because the raccoon even when he's in danger, he's not able to let go of that shiny thing. Now, I'm not sure if this is true or not about raccoons, but I know that it's true about myself and human nature. Maybe it's true about you. Sometimes we're holding on so tightly to our plans and our dreams, and what we think is a normal life. We're holding so tightly onto control that even when danger is coming. We're unwilling to let go. We're unwilling to trust God, and it is hard to give up control. This has been a really difficult thing that I've struggled with throughout my entire life. After our son's prenatal diagnosis, I thought well, I can't change this, so what can I fix? What can I control? Scheduling, everything I could possibly imagine. I was really determined to keep life as normal as possible for older two boys who were really just toddlers at the time, 22 months and three and a half. Our son was born just a few days after Christmas, and then on December 31, on New Year's Eve, I was discharged from the hospital. It was our year to celebrate Christmas with my side of the family. My husband and I switch off the holidays with both sides of our families every other year. My parents and sisters were in town, and I had everything planned out. The only thing that I really gave up, was helping with the food, and honestly, I think it probably helped plan that. I remember I was in so much pain because I had a cesarean section. I was released from the hospital that day, mind you, but that night we were going to have Christmas we were going to open presents. It was New Year's Eve, and I was going to stay up until midnight. Well, let me just tell you, I did not make it until midnight that night. I definitely had to go to bed, but it wasn't without feelings of guilt because I wasn't spending enough time with my family, and because I wasn't healthy enough to help. In some ways. I wonder if God has allowed for us to take the road less traveled with our son not only having Spina Bifida but becoming medically fragile when he was two and a half weeks old, with a trach and a ventilator and a feeding tube in order for me to learn how to give up control and to fully trust him. This is just one of the ways that I have been shaped and sifted throughout our journey, throughout my journey as a special needs mom. I will say that I plan less, I plan ahead less. I have begun the practice, it's not always easy, but of asking God to give me his plans, instead of asking him to bless my plans that I've already made. As special needs moms, I think you guys can all relate to this. We have a lot on our plates. We have a lot to handle, we have a lot to organize, and plan. It is very easy to feel like we can control everything, and in some ways, it's part of our job, right, to plan and take care of things and be a caregiver. It's a huge part of our job as mothers just in general, and especially as special needs parents. 

(5:53) But one of the things that I was contemplating is why is it so difficult for us to surrender? I think a couple of things. One is that we think what we have is better than what God is calling us to. I think also we want to protect ourselves from pain. And we are very tentative to trust God with our future. I love this quote from C.S Lewis. He once said, "It's not that we don't want God's best for us. We just aren't sure how painful that will turn out to be." There are times that I think we all think as special needs moms, we did not ask for this. I know sometimes looking back, there are many things that I am grateful for. I am grateful for how I've changed. I'm grateful for how my faith has been deepened, but still, it's very hard for us to pray, God, your will be done because we're not sure how painful his will, will sometimes be. Isn't that a blessing that we don't always know what tomorrow holds? 

(6:56) But yet, when I look at God, and I look at Jesus in the scriptures, He doesn't force himself on us. We look for all the invitations of surrender. Jesus offered so many of them. He offered this when he called his disciples to follow him. He offered invitations for surrender for the people at the wedding, in the miracle of turning the water into wine. The people had to be willing to trust Jesus and fill up the jars with water. I think of the blind man Bartimaeus. Jesus asks him, "What do you want me to do for you?" He had to surrender his desire to stay in the shadows but to come forward and be bold and ask God for what he needed from him. So I think surrender is an invitation to three things. Certainly, there's more than this. But these are the things that I feel like God wants me to share with you today. First, it's an invitation to hear his voice. I know that through the power of the Holy Spirit that God still speaks, maybe not in an audible voice, but through the prompting of the Holy Spirit. He wants us to ask him to lead us in our decisions on a daily basis, to again, not make those plans first and say, God, please bless this. But yet, Lord, how do you want me to do this today? What should my goals be for this month, for this year? An invitation to surrender is an invitation to listen to the Lord through the Scripture and to obey what He asks us to do. An invitation to surrender, secondly, is an invitation to trust. This means that we are giving up control. We're not trusting ourselves to make things happen. I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions. Are you still fighting your child's diagnosis and the path that this journey has taken you on? I know what has been true for myself is that when I finally came to the place where I said to God, "Your will be done." He helped me embrace this role and there was so much freedom in that surrender to the Lord. This is not what I would have chosen. But I know you have a plan. I think it's fear that keeps us from trusting. Again, we're worried about how painful these plans that God might have for us are going to be. When we choose to trust, we find that His mercies are new every morning. His comfort is closer than a breath and that he sticks closer than a brother. Thirdly, our invitation to surrender is an invitation to see others just like God does as image-bearers. I find that those areas that I try to control the most are the ones that I've I feel like I can control. In some ways fix my son. Through the years, it's been helping him to walk,  helping him to eat, helping him to talk. I know that some of those things were very important, and I'm glad that we pressed into those. But your child and your other children, if you have them, and your husband, and your family and friends, are not projects to be fixed they are souls to have a relationship with. I'm not saying that it's wrong for children to be in therapy, to have IEPs, and behavioral plans. All those things, help our children to be better versions of themselves. But it's taking the time to not just be pushed ahead by our own desires to fix our kids, or maybe what the doctors are pushing, or a therapist or a teacher, but taking the time to see our children, and others as image-bearers of God. Take the time to ask yourself questions and to reevaluate your goals. Is adding this therapy going to make family life more stressful? Is it going to interfere with the relationship that I'm choosing to build? Why am I choosing to do this surgery, this behavioral plan, this therapy? Invitations to surrender is us accepting our children sometimes, for the way they are, even with all the limitations that the world says that they have, and developing relationships with them and loving them as Christ loves them. 

(11:38) So how do you know that you might be struggling with control? I think a lot of times we do know this. But one of the ways that I have learned is to watch my reaction to things when things don't go the way that I plan. Of course, grieving and feeling sadness and sorrow about our days not going according to plan is very normal. But when I'm just all out throwing a fit, and I immediately jump in and try to fix everything, then I know I'm struggling with control, and maybe that's true of you also.

(12:16)  As we close today, and we're thinking about surrender, this giving up of control, I have a few questions for you. What is God inviting you to let go of? What are you hesitant to ask for God's will in your life? What are you trying to fix? In Hebrews 12, the writer reminds us, "Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Let us look to Jesus and remember that he surrendered to a cradle. He surrendered to a life of service and not comfort, and he surrendered to the cross for our sakes. All to Jesus, I surrender. All to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him. In His presence, daily live. God bless you today and in your journey with surrender.