CBD & Poetry
CBD & Poetry
Alicia Eastes: Back to Life, Season of Sheltering in Place
Screenwriter and yogi Alicia Eastes retrains her neurological pathways.
Resources
Teresa Y. Roberson is a writer, visual artist, producer and Zilis Independent Ambassador (#7161976). Zilis does not endorse the CBD & Poetry podcast nor any material presented as a result. Statements made in CBD & Poetry podcast have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Non-prescription CBD is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease or medical conditions. The CBD & Poetry discussion is not intended as medical advice and should not substitute advice from a healthcare professional.
Music
- Intro Music: "Green Magic" Cabrini Green, Green Magic Album.
- Outro Music: "Bumpin That Real Shit" Cabrini Green, This Is Ghettostep Album
- cabrinigreenenterprises.com
Back to Life
Breathe in, breathe out
Meditate for inner balance
Left right left right
CLICK
Break the trauma bond
Back to life
Back to film
Organically-sourced screenwriting
Creative processing
Responds to creative healing
Organize the chaos
Clean the space
Move forward
To new endeavors
Teresa Roberson
So, tell me Alicia, how did you first cross paths with CBD?
Alicia
Well, that's an interesting response to have to formulate.
Teresa Roberson
Well, I want to capture everybody's narrative.
Alicia
Yeah, that's that's a good question. I think the first time I came across it honestly, Teresa, was one of my first personal encounters with it because I had heard about it, probably through some kind of body care product or something.
Teresa Roberson 1:31
Okay.
Alicia
Where I knew that this extract from marijuana, from cannabis, that is not the THC form that you use recreationally, but…
Teresa Roberson
Also known as the hemp plant.
Alicia
Yes, but another extract of chemical from the cannabis plant, from the hemp plant. That's actually what calms you down. It's good for just helping your body, nervous system regulate or something like, I don't really know what the medical properties are, but I know that it's used topically for a lot of like, skin flare up conditions. And then if you, if you use just that CBD extract, it's good for all sorts of behavioral issues like anxiety and I think even, I think even seizure disorders can benefit from CBD. I maybe, I'm maybe, I'm making that up, but I don't know. I've known that it's been used for a lot of things. And the first time I personally came in contact with it, Teresa, was when you told me that you were selling it.
Teresa Roberson
I didn't know that I was your, your first. I feel. I feel so honored.
Alicia
And I should, I should mention, too, that Teresa and I run into each other a lot in the locker room at our yoga studio.
Teresa Roberson
Well, we used to. Tear, tear. Are you doing the yoga like livestream yoga during this pandemic shelter in place?
Alicia
No, I haven't been you know, what I've done is I practice Barre. Also, at the Barre studio downtown very part time. And I just, I like, I love yoga and I want to do yoga at home as well, but I like the rhythm of Barre class for getting, like a Zoom conference exercise group going.
Teresa Roberson
Okay.
Alicia
Okay, that's worked better for me just because I've got a toddler and a four-month-old at home and my house is not very yoga conducive.
Teresa Roberson
I understand. I understand.
Alicia
It's just, it's not quiet.
Teresa Roberson
So, you might as well just lean into the "it's not quiet."
Alicia
Yeah, just put some music on and like move a little bit more than, than I would with yoga I. I miss it, though I definitely am excited to eventually go back in the studio. When the new studio is actually opening.
Teresa Roberson
Well, they're also live streaming classes every day. And it's been my unofficial yoga challenge because I have the time. I always exercise every day anyway. So, I didn't know if we were virtually in the same classes or not. I usually take the noon. Any class that starts at noon, I don't care which it is.
Alicia
Well, that's good to know. I'll have to, we'll have to make a yoga date one day.
Teresa Roberson
Yes, yes. Although I never turned on my camera. I just need to hear the instructor's voice. It's nice. And they always have a model. One of the other yoga teachers who's not teaching to demonstrate the postures. But so, I want to go back to the fact that, that I feel so honored that I was the first person who actually said, "Hey, you want to try this?" That's, that's cool, because we actually made another previous connection in the yoga room.
Alicia
Right.
Teresa Roberson
I think it was probably a year before that. And we didn't even know each other at the time, but it was just locker room talk, so to speak. And someone says, "Oh, Teresa, what's new? And I said, "Oh, I'm so excited. I started a screenwriting class." And that caused your ears to perk up.
Alicia
Right. Because I'm a screenwriter. Yeah, and I was founding, I was right in the middle of really getting the ball rolling for founding a chapter of Women in Film and Television International in Austin. And you just happen to be interested in that as well and you became our secretary, and it's just been such a wonderful connection to have found so many more things in common than yoga locker room.
Teresa Roberson
Right, right, because we could do that all day long. Right?
Alicia
Right.
Teresa Roberson
It's just you never know who you're partially dressed and sweaty beside pretty much who it is, right?
Alicia
Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. And I think, especially the yoga that we practice is so it's, it's so personally challenging that when you get to the locker room and you're, you're going through that process of putting your clothes back on, getting, getting yourself back together to go outside again. It's like, you're very, very honest, you know, very, like, fully exposed for who you are, if you're even wearing clothes at all.
Teresa Roberson
I know. It's to the point that some people I don't recognize until they tell me, "Oh, we practice yoga." Well, first of all, I'm always in the front. So, I'm not looking at people. Unless they're right, unless right behind me and I can see them in the mirror. Yeah, I recognize them more by their body than their face. Yeah. So, it sounds very strange.
Alicia
Well, I mean, I think it's, of course, it's totally familiar to me. But you just, you go very deep in meditation in that yoga practice, at least I do. I think it's common that you don't really notice much else.
Teresa Roberson
Right. So other than me saying, "Hey, you want to try this?" What? Why did you think that CBD would be a solution to something you were experiencing?
Alicia
So, I, I've been at, that's a long response that I'll give. I had a traumatic brain injury in September of 2011. I was riding my bike home from class and I got hit by a truck in my neighborhood, and I was knocked into a coma for 13 days, and it was a really wild and long recovery process and in that healing. And the yoga was part of my very fundamental practice, kind of like taking a medication, but instead of taking medication, the yoga sort of became like my, my grounding practice. That's what I had to do to keep track of myself, you know, to help my mental health because I have PTSD. And that's something that I still, you know, at this point with two kids, I get they, they kind of do a good job of helping me control my myself so that I can control them if that makes sense. But for a period of time, there like when you offered to, to help me try the CBD that you were selling, I was, I was curious. I was I was interested in a lot of options. I had tried a couple of different pharmaceutical anxiety medications, but I don't I don't really like pharmaceuticals. One thing that I tried that, like it worked, it was really great. But it would knock me out at night. And I didn't like that I didn't even have to take it every day. I would take it like once every couple of days, something called gabapentin, and it's a nervous system drug. Also, for seizure disorders. That's why I think I associate CBD with seizure disorder stuff because that's what worked so well for me. And I, I think that that worked for me because PTSD, I know myself to be a condition of the nervous system. And it's it's just, it's complex and I'm not a medical person to explain it, but I have had PTSD and I've worked through a lot of different treatments to really get a handle on it. And that's what I recognize is that like the yoga that works so well to help balance it is activating your, I think it's, it is the sympathetic nervous system or the parasympathetic, I can't remember which one is which. I think the parasympathetic nervous system because an overactive sympathetic nervous system is what causes hyper reactions.
Teresa Roberson
I know that they're opposites.
Alicia
Yeah, it's hard to remember which ones which, but I'm pretty sure the parasympathetic nervous system is the one that calms you down and the sympathetic nervous system is the one that reacts and so that's what is dysregulated with PTSD, in my understanding just from like, knowing that acupuncture and yoga and CBD and EMDR like these things have been effective to treat my PTSD.
Teresa Roberson
What's EMDR?
Alicia
That's a good question. So EMDR is Eye Movement Desensitization Reprogramming. And that's a really complicated way of saying it's basically a brain retraining program. And what you, it's a bilateral brain retraining program. There are ways to do it with eye movement. So, you, you like look at something that's moving left to right, left to right, left to right, and you move your eyes. For some people that works. There's also a physical tapping, where you can be tapped on one side of the body or the other, and, like on the left or the right. For some people that physical touch works. I am an auditory learner. I respond to clicks, like left or right, clicks. So that's what my therapist uses a little clicker. And she gets me into, we're dealing with some kind of emotional issue she brings up just kind of gets me into the mood, where I would I would be reacting intensely to something that's upsetting for me, brings me into that emotional reactive state and then clicks on either side of my head. And we work through that for a period of time until I get to a point where, no matter what she says, I'm not responding with that intensity anymore.
Teresa Roberson
That is very interesting. Now I had two thoughts while you were explaining this to me. Well, actually three, you know, I used to be a science teacher. So, when you said "bilateral," I'm immediately thinking left and right because "bilateral" literally means "two sides." Is that true? Is it just left to right? It's not front and back?
Alicia
Now it's so, it's and that's a good thing to clarify. Because when I say "bilateral," I'm talking about the left and right hemispheres of the brain.
Teresa Roberson
Got you. Okay.
Alicia
And the way I, it's very complicated and I'm not sure like why it works so well, but essentially, you just retrain the neurological pathways. So, what happens for people is that traumatic experiences dig really deep neurological pathways, memories of emotional patterns in your brain, which is inside your body. Essentially, like the way you experience these, these re-experiences of emotional intensity. You feel it in your body, you know, it's a pathway in your brain that is reflected inside your body. And so, what this EMDR does is it essentially kind of wipes the slate, so that whatever has been dug into that neurological pathway, just kind of like gets lifted off a little bit. You're relieved. It's…
Teresa Roberson
Okay.
Alicia
It's like magic. It really is. It's like, it's like a computer system being reprogrammed.
Teresa Roberson
Now, have you ever been hypnotized?
Alicia
But, you are asking such good questions. So, my, one of my closest girlfriends from back home, just outside of San Antonio in Schertz, Texas, and her dad is a Vietnam vet. He's one of the coolest guys I've ever met. But he's a Vietnam veteran who has learned all kinds of crazy stuff that you would never think this guy, Joe would know how to do, but he learned hypnosis because that's just something that he was into for a while, and he hypnotized me once. But other than that I've never been. I've never been to a hypnotist, you know, but that's something that's been suggested for me.
Teresa Roberson
Well, I've never been hypnotized either. But I've seen it on TV. I've seen it in person for someone else. And the type of responses like, response that you have with that treatment, reminded me of hypnosis. So, I don't know.
Alicia
It's, it, I think it probably effectively is a similar process. You know, where, without, without being very conscious of the way that this is working to change your thinking, it does. You know, there's a big influence over, over the way you're thinking. On the outcome.
Teresa Roberson
And so, when she clicks, the response for you is to not react or to remain calm. Is that it?
Alicia
Well, and I guess I should clarify that too. So, what happens is, we'll be talking about something that's, that's an issue for me that I'm, that I would like to change the way that I feel about it.
Teresa Roberson
Okay.
Alicia
And I get into my most reactive emotional state. So, she, she basically hits, it the core of what's upsetting me. And I feel that in my body exactly the way it feels when, when I'm triggered to experience those, those re-traumatizing kind of triggers. And then when she clicks, what happens is it just, I just sit with it. I just feel it. And I feel it at the full intensity and, and then after a few moments of meditating with that intensity, I feel it kind of lower a little bit. And then take a breath to talk about it again. There's other things that come up, you know. Sometimes it's like completely random stuff, but it's just somehow connected. And we, we help just kind of like let that let that be associated for whatever reason and then click again. And just as we're going through this process, clear that space and let let there be, I guess, restored. Peace. That's one.
Teresa Roberson
Okay. Okay. Now just the off-the-wall association. Did you ever see the movie "Get Out"?
Alicia
I don't, I don't know. Remind me who's in it.
Teresa Roberson
Oh, I can't think of the actor's name, but I remember that, I don't want to tell you the plot if you've never seen it because I want you to see it. But when one character went to, or had a conversation with another character about a traumatic event, she was stirring a cup of tea. And it was the sound of the click that aided and in the movie, it sounded, or it looked like a hypnotic suggestion, but it was the audio. It was the sound of the clicking associated with her words. And that's, now you have to see the movie "Get Out".
Alicia
Yeah, I'll have to watch that. And that actually, I mean, what else am I gonna do in quarantine?
Teresa Roberson
Exactly. I'm surprised you haven't. I mean, you should have all the channels that you should you can stream. Oh, do you have a HBO?
Alicia
I do. And you know what I'm watching right now, Teresa.
Teresa Roberson
What?
Alicia
You're gonna laugh at me? Tiger King.
Teresa Roberson
I'm not gonna laugh because I've been watching it too. So, I can't be a hypocrite. I cannot be a hypocrite but, I was just gonna say…
Alicia
I can't stop watching it!
Teresa Roberson
I know, I know. And I, I was just like, okay, people whose opinion I respect said, "No, watch this because I want to talk to you about it." And I thought, Okay, well, I guess if somebody wants my opinion on something, I'll watch it. But yes, I got sucked in. But what I was gonna say is since you have HBO, "Get Out" has played on HBO before so you can go…
Alicia
Stream it there? Okay. Good.
Teresa Roberson
So next time we talk, remember this conversation because that I, I want to know if that is similar to what you're doing with your therapist. Is that correct to call her a “therapist” or?
Alicia
Yeah, she's an EMDR therapist, and it's so, it's something that I cannot, I guess, endorse strongly enough, what I believe to be the power of EMDR therapy for treating all kinds of issues because I have this, I had this accident in 2011. And that's been my primary issue to work with her on is PTSD post near death experience. Because I mean, granted that that's a very unique level of intensity, my body was almost dead. There was, there's a lot of stuff since then that has, has kind of been difficult to work through.
Teresa Roberson
Now before, compared before and after your accident. How did that affect your creativity?
Alicia
That's a good question too. Um, you know, I've always been a creative person and I think it was a really difficult struggle for me to really de-connect, disconnect myself and dig into my creative side prior to the accident if that makes sense. So, I went through this, like I said, I've always been a creative person. But starting, I am, by nature, my personality type is very type A, as they say, like I'm, I'm I like I'm a very orderly and kind of process-oriented person and I, I like to have a system for things and it's just, I think going to, I was always a straight A student, you know, and in high school and then getting through college and and studying film like I did in college. I was so warped, you know, and taken by surprise to get out of this film program and not have some kind of like step-by-step process in order to get my career launched, if that makes sense. And in that way, even though I loved the creative process of developing my professional skills as a, as an artist in the craft, I, I just couldn't, I couldn't like make that work with the practical necessity of earning money, you know, and getting, getting all of those pieces aligned with my creative work. And that's still I mean, I founded Women in Film for the same reason because I like there to be a more linear kind of process towards getting from one place to the next in life and I think Women and Film is a good bridge, you know, for a lot of people. But I also, I think, because I struggled so much with just not being able to align the the practical needs of my life like paying rent and and allowing myself the space in my, in my mind and my my thoughts for creative inspiration. And so, it took time, you know, for me to get practically comfortable enough to allow myself to really like sit down and write a script. And I had just gotten to that point I had just reached that, that stage of development when I had applied to grad school and gotten accepted. So, it was like, that was my first big hurdle like, okay, I guess I'm kind of good at this. You know, I, that was confirmed like I, it's not just because I want to be a screenwriter in some ideal world. I actually have something to offer with it. And, and then I got hit by a truck. And then it was like, bam. If you want to know how hard it is to like, actually do this professionally for a living. Here's how probably as hard as it will ever be right now. And so, I had to kind of reinvent who I was and relearn myself completely from the beginning bare bones while I was learning to professionally, like with a market marketable level of skills, write screenplays. And that was that was interesting, I think. To answer your question simply, how did my, how was my creative process different before and after the accident? I think after the accident, everything became very organic. I've always been, I've always preferred sort of an organic style and in my filmmaking craft, I think I as a documentary filmmaker and a screenwriter, I like what's real, you know, so I, I tend to, I tend to look for the least production-heavy, you know, kind of setup that I can find the most natural and organic. But I think prior to the accident, it was, it was not as easy for me to get there. It was like a little bit, there was a little bit of my, the constructed narrative of who Alicia is always in the way. If that makes sense. A little layer of pretense kind of covered over the organic, or really true nature of my own creativity for a long time.
Teresa Roberson
So, speaking about two different hemispheres of the brain, you were more left brain before the accident, even though you theoretically wanted to be more right brain?
Alicia
I think so. I think so. I think, I think there's always been in my, in my personality, I guess, an intense struggle between the left and right. Personality kind of types, um, because I am creative, but I, I want that creativity to have a structure if that makes sense.
Teresa Roberson
You know, every time I hear someone talk like that, I think, "Hmm, I wonder if they're a Virgo or a Capricorn?"
Alicia
I'm a Virgo!
Teresa Roberson
There it is! We are usually the only ones who really decide, "this is illogical. This has to be structured. Oh, my goodness. This is all chaotic." And because I am also a Virgo, I hear it and see it in other people. I mean, my mother was a Virgo. I have a nephew who's a Virgo. We all have I mean, anyone who says, "Well, I don't believe in those zodiac signs." Well, okay, you don't have to, but just look around to the most logically and organized people in your life and see if not, you know, preponderance of them are Virgos and Capricorns. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. Out of all the other zodiac signs. Those two keep popping up. Time and time again.
Alicia
Yeah. Well, it makes sense. My dad is a Capricorn and I'm a Virgo. And we're always, in my family group, we're, we're the ones who kind of like to have things like, not too organized, but organized enough, you know?
Teresa Roberson
Mm hmm.
Alicia
And it's just, it's funny because I, I just think of my family. My, my mom is a Gemini, so and my sister's a Pisces. So, she's my polar opposite. My brother's a Leo. And it's just, it's an interesting group of us. We've got, like my dad and I are the logical rational ones. My mom, my, my sister and brother all kind of like a little bit kooky.
Teresa Roberson
Alicia, thank you so much for sharing your CBD narrative with me.
Alicia
Oh, you're welcome.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai