CBD & Poetry
CBD & Poetry
Laura Redden: Meditative Mermaid, Season of Sheltering in Place
ESL instructor Laura Redden balances teaching, poetry, pottery, painting and mood disorders.
Resources
- cltcbd.com
- lauraerturk@gmail.com
Teresa Y. Roberson is a writer, visual artist, producer and Zilis Independent Ambassador (#7161976). Zilis does not endorse the CBD & Poetry podcast nor any material presented as a result. Statements made in CBD & Poetry podcast have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Non-prescription CBD is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease or medical conditions. The CBD & Poetry discussion is not intended as medical advice and should not substitute advice from a healthcare professional.
Music
- Intro Music: "Green Magic" Cabrini Green, Green Magic Album.
- Outro Music: "Bumpin That Real Shit" Cabrini Green, This Is Ghettostep Album
- cabrinigreenenterprises.com
Meditative Mermaid
Can barely sleep
Dreaming of boobs
Dreading the plague
The highs and the lows
Singing for courage
Embedding fingers into clay
Connecting to the Earth
Digging within the depths
Emerging sensual mermaids
Birthing a fantastical world
Talking drum without
Anyone to talk to
Poetry seeps into
The fabric of life
Teresa Roberson
So, how did you first cross paths with CBD?
Laura
I believe that I was hanging out with a friend and he had a vape. And he asked me if I wanted to try it. And I said, "No, I don't. I don't vape." He said, "It's CBD oil. I use it for anxiety." And so, I tried it. I mean, I don't remember the experience at the time, but I just remember trying it.
Teresa Roberson
How long ago was that?
Laura
Probably two years ago.
Teresa Roberson
Okay.
Laura
About two years ago.
Teresa Roberson
And that was the first time and now more recently?
Laura
Now, more recently, probably like three weeks ago, because I had, well first of all, my mother, she has arthritis and I noticed she had CBD. Some kind of CBD product and she said she was using it for her arthritis and it was helping her. So, and then I noticed that my aunt had arthritis and I, I mentioned that my mom was using CBD oil and I would probably get her some because I have a friend that runs a CBD business in Charlotte. And I, but I never thought about using it for myself because I never, I just didn't remember feeling anything when I tried the vape pen two years ago.
Teresa Roberson
Okay.
Laura
But recently I had some bouts of insomnia and extreme anxiety, considering the COVID pandemic and, and some other psychological issues. I could not sleep, so I decided I would try it for sleep.
Teresa Roberson
Yes. When you said you that you tried it three weeks ago, I was wondering is that when you had to shelter in place?
Laura
Yes, it was about, I've actually been sheltered or I've been quarantined a little bit longer than other people because I was, it was spring break, and then they canceled an extra week of school because I teach at a university. And then everyone else started getting quarantined, like, a weekend or two weeks later, but I was already sort of working from home and staying at home at that time. And I just had, I struggle with depression and also well basically bipolar depression. And what happened was I got on some new medication to treat depression. And it sent my mood, I would say up a little bit to hypomania. And so, one symptom of hypomania is insomnia. And so, the week of the, not, not the outbreak, but when it started becoming apparent that this COVID crisis was going to be for during, I had a lot of anxiety and also I was on new medication and could not sleep at all. So, I decided to try a potent CBD oil like sublingual drops for nighttime for sleep. My friend recommended it specifically and I got the most potent kind and it started, I started using it and it helped a bit.
Teresa Roberson
Okay, so are you still, so you're taking those sublingual drops just to sleep at night? Is that right?
Laura
Yes, pretty much. I just put a little squirt on my tongue like, right before I go to bed. And it, I think it helps with pain too. You know, I had a lot of tension in my body and it just eases the pain and tension and also it just, it helps me go to sleep. It doesn't help me stay asleep. I will say that probably part of my insomnia is waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep. But it does help me go to sleep a lot faster than I normally would.
Teresa Roberson
So, the new medication that you were taking, you still take it? That hasn't changed at all?
Laura
Actually, so I'm I have ADD and bipolar and so I started like three new medications. I had a lapse of insurance, I was off my meds. I finally got a new psychiatrist. I got new meds, but starting three at once. One of them is mood stabilizers supposed to balance me out and keep me from getting manic. And another is an antidepressant. Another is ADD medication, Adderall, which is a stimulant. And she, she prescribed a, like a higher dose of Adderall than I'm used to extended release. So actually, I started reducing the Adderall by taking the capsules and putting it in my applesauce and taking half a dose during the day as well. Because actually, with bipolar you have to worry about if you take antidepressants alone, you have to worry about going up too far up and getting irritable and talking too fast and not sleeping and getting basically too high. So, I was getting too high and I noticed it. I'm gonna have to ask my psychiatrist to up my mood stabilizer as well. But I haven't been able to get an appointment yet. It's coming up next week.
Teresa Roberson
Now do you know if the sublingual drops that you're taking is full spectrum or broad spectrum? The difference between full spectrum has THC in it, some THC and broad spectrum does not.
Laura
I don't recall. I think it does not.
Teresa Roberson
Okay.
Laura
It does not have THC. Or if it does, it's like minute quantities. I think I read somewhere it might show up on a drug test.
Teresa Roberson
Okay. Well legally, CBD formulations are allowed to have up to point 3% THC.
Laura
I think this one said that it had trace amounts.
Teresa Roberson
Okay. Okay. Now you said school was canceled for you. What classes are you teaching now?
Laura
I'm teaching a graduate class, which is basically an ESL class for graduate students and all of my students are Sports Management students. But it's a, it's kind of a, I teach in a bridge program called the International Accelerator Program. And so, we get mostly Chinese and other countries. They come and they take courses to increase, to improve their English skills and perform better in their coursework. And so, it used to be just an undergraduate program. I'm teaching two undergraduate classes right now. It's basically ESL and right now. It's advanced ESL, and then one graduate class.
Teresa Roberson
Okay. I think the last time you and I taught in the same country, which would be Mexico, that's where we met, you were teaching English, but English as in writing. So, are you making time to do a lot of writing in addition to your classes?
Laura
Actually, I've been writing poetry. I haven't written fiction in quite some time about. I've written a lot of poetry and I'm involved in the local poetry, like there's something called Mind Gravy, every week. And they have like a guest poet. I've been the, the, I guess, the guest poet, twice at Mind Gravy, and I'm involved with some poetry stuff in my community, but I haven't done fiction in quite some time. I haven't had the time because I've been in two different graduate school programs since then, and…
Teresa Roberson
Oh, have you been studying?
Laura
Yeah. I studied basically English with a specialization in Applied Linguistics and then I went. Actually, I went for my PhD in linguistics, but I decided to stop that and just get another Masters and continued teaching. And, you know, maybe exploring other, other pathways. I decided not to continue into academia as, at higher level.
Teresa Roberson
But you said another Masters, how many do you have?
Laura
I have two, English and Linguistics.
Teresa Roberson
Okay. Okay.
Laura
And basically teaching ESL is applied linguistics.
Teresa Roberson
True. I taught ESL in South Korea for a hot second. So, I know what I found is I had to come back to the States to somewhat reboot my English-speaking ability. You have the advantage teaching ESL while in an English-speaking country, but after a while, the mistakes that you hear over and over again, start to sound correct.
Laura
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Teresa Roberson
I have to reboot myself.
Laura
Yeah, I taught in Turkey. So, you know, you and I both taught in Mexico. Then later I taught in Turkey for a year. And I was teaching more basic levels. And you know, as, as a, as an instructor of English, when you're teaching, especially lower levels, you have to grade your speech and basically simplify your vocabulary. And of course, you hear incorrect English all day and occasionally some forms you start repeating. So yeah, I know exactly what we're talking about. And I felt like I was losing my vocabulary, especially when I was teaching abroad. I definitely have it back now. That and I generally decided at my level of teaching, I'm not going to dumb down my vocabulary, or grade my speech. I slow my speech, but whenever I hear myself say a word that I know is advanced, I will repeat the sentence and explain kind of in different words.
Teresa Roberson
Because you're teaching graduate students at this point.
Laura
Graduate and undergraduate.
Teresa Roberson
Okay. Okay. But did you also say it was Sports Management?
Laura
Yeah, that's just this semester. It just so happens that all my students are Sports Management students are in the Sports Management graduate school program. In fact, USC in Columbia, that's where I teach. It has the best International Business program in the world. So, we get a lot of international students and different kinds of business specializations. There's like Hospitality Management and Sports Management is just one of the programs and I think that, I think the IAP programs put all the Sports Management students together so that we could focus thematically on some of our writing, like they're writing literature review. All of them, we're focusing on eSports actually. eSports was the topic chosen at the beginning of the semester. I just chose an academic article. And then they all had to find research about that. But it just so happens that right now, regular sports is canceled. And eSports is like taking over.
Teresa Roberson
That's what I was thinking! You practiced this, Laura, and you didn't tell the rest of us.
Laura
I had no idea it would become so relevant, but of course, some are writing, one student's writing a paper about how eSports is going to progress and maybe even become an Olympic sport, because of the you know, the COVID-19-2020 crisis, as sports are changing. And you know, virtual reality and training of athletes and stuff.
Teresa Roberson
I have heard that gaming has become a form of PE exercise or something. Like it counts as PE credit in some schools.
Laura
It's very common with my students. Most of them are Chinese, some are Japanese and some other nationalities as well, but gaming is really popular among my students. I chose the topic eSports because I thought it would be something everybody could relate to, and we could connect it to other things outside of sports.
Teresa Roberson
Well, I'll put it to you this way. I am not into gaming or eSports, but I am sitting, if you can see my chair, I am sitting in a gamer's chair because I said, "Okay, I'm middle aged. I need a comfortable chair, as I do my computer work. And I know these gamers will sit in a chair like this for far, far, far more hours than I will, so it has to be comfortable. And they were right. So that's my only real connection. When I, when I bought it off, a new office chair I said, “Okay, What, who sits in a chair much longer than me? Ah, gamers!”
Laura
That's awesome. I bet it is comfortable.
Teresa Roberson
No, it's fantastic. It has a head pillow, a lumbar support. You can adjust everything. We're talking about people who are maybe a fourth of my age.
Laura
Mm hmm.
Teresa Roberson
Sitting in a chair much longer than I am. So, hats off to them for doing the research.
Laura
Yeah, absolutely.
Teresa Roberson
Now, I know the audience doesn't know you. So, I can kind of ask you questions, because I know what you and I were into when we were in Mexico. But as far as when you're not at work when you're not writing poetry, what are you doing?
Laura
I'm actually a big fan of karaoke these days. So, every week I go to the local bar. There's kind of like a karaoke club in Colombia. This woman is really good at marketing. Her name is Linda Carr. And she does this like, she gives you a little carabucks, like if you every time you show up to one of her shows, she'll give you an extra like buck and then or one of her little money things and then you get five and you get a free drink, but I don't know. And there's sort of a community around all of her little locations and you come and you sing songs and you get a certain number of songs, you get to go to like, an awards banquet and stuff, you know. Anyway, I just got into it. And it was, I was motivated by especially that sort of club. Because I really enjoy just music and getting on the mic. And I can't say that I'm, like, good or anything. It doesn't matter because it's karaoke. You know.
Teresa Roberson
I was going to say I don't remember you ever singing.
Laura
I don't think you've heard me sing. It's, it's actually, it's helping me overcome my shyness. I know that when I get up and read poetry I like hide behind a book. You know, I'm not good at the performance aspect and I think it's actually improving my, my performance overall. I do speak for a living, you know, in front of a classroom. I have no problem speaking, but actually lyrics or poetry something creative. I feel like shy. So, I think karaoke is helping me break out of my box and become more of a performance artist. You know.
Teresa Roberson
I just remember one time you and I were basically roadies for my roommate's band. You remember that? We went out of town. And, but you and I weren't singing. We're basically, I know I drove we were all in one car. Weren't we?
Laura
Yeah. What was her name again?
Teresa Roberson
Amy.
Laura
Amy. Yeah.
Teresa Roberson
I can't remember the name of the band. Yeah, except for the part where I locked my keys in the car. But…
Laura
Yeah, that always happens something like that. Right? I'm always the, the Mind Gravy thing with the poetry. It's also got a music feature and there's always live musicians as well. So, it's a combination of music and poetry and also, I'm, I do visual art. And lately I've been doing sculpture at my aunt's studio. She has an MFA in pottery. And so, she has taught me a lot of different things. And I, I realized that I, I love working with clay, I feel like I'm molding something from the earth. And the 3D aspect really appeals to me. I love human bodies and human forms, but I've never been able to really capture depth when I'm painting. When I'm working with something 3D, it's, it's much easier to, you know, capture depth obviously, because it's three-dimensional.
Teresa Roberson
And when you went from painting to working or pottery or clay sculptures, did you find it challenging to go from two dimensions to three dimensions?
Laura
Absolutely not. Because I originally went there just to play and I made something sort of abstract like something about the universe. It was like a flat panel and I rolled up little balls and I put them and made the balls like larger and it and made it put them in a sort of spiral. I had no problem conceptualizing something and forming something out of something as basic as tiny little balls pressed into clay. But as I have started molding human bodies because I've made like, five little miniature baby mermaids and like a merman and a mermaid and the mermaid was just sort of, I came out as bisexual and I was all into boobs. So, I decided to make a mermaid with some, you know, a topless mermaid and I don't know it all the,this huge project came from that because I asked myself how, how does a mermaid make a baby? And anyway, how does the mermaid make love? And so, I created like a mermaid sculpture with a sort of hole in the side of her where, in the end, I made baby mermaids, which were emerging from her little, little, I guess, womb. And then I have another little baby mermaid like suckling at her nipple and it became something about childbirth and fertility. And then at the end, I said, "Well, how did these babies come to play?" And then I made a merman. And I think that without the help of my, my aunt, who was a master artist, she sells pottery all over the place, used to be an art teacher. I would not be able to craft things such as like the little fingers on a mermaid. Or she might help me create a more realistic shoulder on a man's torso, you know. She can help me correct and, and also help me conceptualize it and figure out what's the best strategy. So, I would say that some of my, many of my sculptures, the more advanced ones are collaborative work with me as the primary maker and her as the sort of expert helper, you know, as, as a teacher to help me hone my craft.
Teresa Roberson
Do you find now that you're sequestered that you have more time for art?
Laura
No, at this point, I don't because it's that point in the semester. First of all, I was struggling with depression and I was really behind in my grading and then I got sequestered, quarantined, and I had a ton of work to catch up with. And then all of the instruction moved to online and remote instruction actually, in my experience requires more work, because we have synchronous class time face to face with the students on the screen. And then also there's, there seems to be a lot more work involved in we're all trying to figure out how to put the ESL classroom online and and make things like for example, to prevent students from cheating, we have to learn new software. And, you know, it's been a sharp learning curve, I think, for all educators everywhere. And anyway, I haven't had much free time at all. I've been extremely busy. Hopefully, though, in May, in May, I really look forward to some quiet time. Some non-busy time. I can just make everything like I'm so excited because I have my home office set up. And now there's an area for art. And I am excited about the, the free time after this semester ends because I really will work on my art then.
Teresa Roberson
Okay, do you normally teach summer classes?
Laura
I do, but there's about three weeks or something they call "May-mester." And it's sort of I think it it ends at the end of April, early May. And then it starts like June, like either the last week of May or early June. So, I have at least three weeks of solid downtime. And I'm really looking forward to that.
Teresa Roberson
Okay, now, when we worked in the same country, we were both writers. And we were also drummers. You remember?
Laura
Yeah.
Teresa Roberson
You and I both somewhat started a writing group and a drumming group and you took the helm for the writing group. It's like going down memory lane.
Laura
Memory Lane. Yeah.
Teresa Roberson
And then, and then I took the helm for the drumming group. So, I have to ask you, because I know at one point, you owned your own drum. I still have the drum that I had when I was in Mexico, are you making time to drum anymore?
Laura
I, you know, my drum head broke years ago. One of my ex-boyfriends put some stereo equipment on it and it broke and, and then I went for so many years without drumming that I decided to give my drum, which was just the bass because the head was broken, to someone who drums professionally. And he actually you know, he makes drums as well. I decided to give it, to donate it to my friend basically and since then, I have actually somehow acquired two more djembes. And then I ended up giving another one. I said, "Why do I need two djembes?" I still have a talking drum, but I have a djembe and a talking drum. So, they're, they’re new drums, but I don't, I don't attend any drum circles or anything like that right now. And it's been quite some time since I actually drummed. I don't see myself as someone who can maintain a rhythm in solitude, without other people. And so, drumming for me has always been a communal act. And music to me has always been communal, to do it in isolation and to practice without other people around, it seems to me kind of pointless. And also, I'm very bad at keeping, keeping a beat when there's no nobody else or no other rhythm to accompany me.
Teresa Roberson
I know you can find a virtual group, but right now you don't have the time it sounds like and…
Laura
I did watch a virtual session and it wasn't, it didn't appeal to me, but I thought about looking, I thought about joining adrum circle in Colombia like a live one, because I know about one. I know there is a drum group that exists. And once we get out of this quarantine, I thought about it because I'm at this point where I'm realizing that a part of me has been completely neglected. And that part is the music, poetry, art part. You know, my creative brain. And that is one of my like, potential goals. But I can't see myself enjoying drumming online. I will do like quarantine karaoke, karaoke, I cannot even say that word. I'm thinking about doing that because they made it a private group on Facebook. So, I'm already planning the songs I'm going to sing and I'm ready to perform for…
Teresa Roberson
Which genre do you like to sing?
Laura
I like singing rock, alternative rock occasionally blues, indie rock, a 70s and 80s music also.
Teresa Roberson
Yeah, I've often heard it said that the same energy that you use for creative projects is the same energy that you use for teaching. So, it does make sense when you say, “I've got to wait until the semester is over, then I can relax and I'll have the energy to put into poetry, pottery and potentially drumming.”
Laura
I did write a poem the other day. I just, I haven't like been focused on it. I can always pop out a poem here and there with even when I'm busy. But I do have an unfinished novel, and I think now is a very ripe and perfect time. Because what else, what the hell else am I gonna do? You know what I mean? I have an unfinished novel. I mean, I submitted it to my, my writing instructor from undergrad years, and I applied to some MFA programs I didn't get in, but he said that that work was much better than my other short story that I submitted was the first chapter. And I think there's a story there that still needs to be told, I kind of have to go back and remember, remember that story and…
Teresa Roberson
So, it's autobiographical or based loosely on your life.
Laura
It is. It is a story about a woman who is bipolar. So, it's based, it's based loosely on my experience with a mood disorder, you know, with a mood disorder and struggling with that, but this woman is a lot more, a lot crazier than I am for sure. And she's, she goes through I suppose she's sort of my alternate reality of what I could have been like if I, if I'd never been treated, you know, found the right treatment for my, to treat bipolar depression.
Teresa Roberson
I can't wait to read it. Thank you, Laura so much for taking time in your busy, busy schedule. You're making me feel guilty. It's like she has papers to, to mark or something.
Laura
It's only like 30 minutes and honestly, it's been so long since I've heard your voice and seen face You know, we write, you write Christmas cards for me every year and I just found one and read, reread it and I think I'm gonna have to write back again to that. You know the snail mail?
Teresa Roberson
You know, it's a lost art. I'm gonna cry if the Postal Service is bankrupt in September. I don't even want to…
Laura
I cannot even believe that.
Teresa Roberson
Well, I heard because now that many businesses have shuttered and if this sequestering goes on then the post office is going to be bankrupted. Yeah, I just sent out a batch of homemade birthday cards because there's four birthdays in my family in April. So, I think no, no, we have to have the Postal Service.
Laura
How can you not?
Teresa Roberson
People, not even just for business, but like you said, people like getting that kind of, it's not a bill. It's not advertisement. It's something personal and that's one of my little projects. Yeah.
Laura
I just got a mask from a friend from actually elementary school like I saw she was making masks on, you know, pretty nice, well-crafted cloth mask on Facebook and I said, "Hey, are they for sale?" And I bought one and she sent it in the mail and even decorated a little package. And she and I used to be pen pals when we were in elementary school. We met at like church camp or something. And so, I just I just said, "You know what? I think I'm going to start writing Jess again." Like, cuz she's an artist. I'm an artist. We haven't spoken in 25 years, but like, why not?
Teresa Roberson
Even longer than you and I haven't spoken.
Laura
Oh, yeah, I mean, like, I'm talking like, sixth, seventh, eighth grade, something like that.
Teresa Roberson
Nice.
Laura
And it's so fun to see her like, you know, becoming an artist. I've seen her artwork on Facebook, but I would love to be like pen pals again with her, you know?
Teresa Roberson
Yes.