The Importance of Not Burning Your Bridges in Life (Episode 153)

Ever found yourself at a crossroads with someone, where parting ways felt inevitable, yet you wondered if burning that bridge was the right move? Tune in to my latest podcast, where I, Dr. Jason Wiggins, regale you with tales from the trenches about the art of keeping connections alive. From professional goodbyes that could have turned sour, to personal relationships that were better off left on a positive note, we'll explore the unexpected ways these maintained links can circle back to benefit us. It's all about leaving the door open to future possibilities, as we pepper in motivational gems to keep your spirits buoyed for the week ahead.

Our chat then takes a slightly more solemn turn as we reflect on the curveballs life throws at us. I'll peel back the curtain on a personal career setback that, while initially seeming catastrophic, actually paved the way for unforeseen opportunities and growth. I'll share insights on the power of your inner circle and the pivotal role it plays in personal and professional success, as well as the importance of shedding negativity to reach your full potential. We finalize our time together with heartfelt thanks and anticipation for our next conversation. Stay tuned, as we continue to fuel the ambitions of Gen Z and millennials reaching for the stars.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hello friends, welcome to your Motivational Gen Z and Millennial Expert podcast. I am your host, dr Jason Wiggins. This podcast is for Gen Z and Millenials, on how we can improve your life professionally and personally, while motivating you to reach your goals. This is a weekly podcast, with new episodes each and every Monday, bar and a holiday. Overall, I hope you had a great weekend. Let's get our heads right and get into today's show.

Speaker 1: 0:45

Well, welcome everybody. Well, first of all, I want to thank you for being here. I'm excited to be here and I'm really excited about my wife coming back into town tomorrow. I've had our little boy now for about nine days. He's been terrific. He's listened, he's done everything really, really well, so I couldn't be more proud of him. This weekend we went and did a little baseball assessment and last week he did piano and swimming. I can tell you what. It's a lot of work, but being a dad is the greatest thing. So if you're out there and you're a parent, you know exactly what I'm talking about, and if you're not, you may just be rolling your eyes, which is fine as well, because I was there at that one point two before children and I was rolling my eyes, but I'm excited to have my wife come back and again, I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 1:41

So today's podcast is going to revolve around making sure that we do not burn our bridges along our path, professionally and personally. So we're going to get into some key points of why and some personal insight, along with our regular what would you do moments and your motivational moments about how we can continue to improve ourselves from this week's podcast to the next week's podcast, and then I have a great quote at the end that will tie in regarding burning bridges. So again, thank you for being here and let's go ahead and get started. So it is important to ensure that we set a continued foundation for success. And how do we do that? Plain and simple don't burn your bridges. If you haven't heard that term, what that means is ensure that you take care of the people that have taken care of you in the past. That could be an old boss, it could be an old friend, it could be an old significant other. Again, in life, we don't have to throw shades at each other to make ourselves feel better At the end. If we make somebody feel worse, then we lost. It's important for us, within our professional and personal life to ensure that we are leaving those relationships. Either if they're work, personal, we're leaving them in good standings. I understand that we are not perfect and burning bridges is sometimes necessary and if you're breaking up a significant other or you're leaving a job for a new job. But what we can do is leave on the best of terms, because nobody knows when we could end up crossing paths again with that boss, with that significant other, with that friend, with that family member, wherever there may have been an ensuing squabble or something that took place that didn't help the situation. And it sometimes does take two individuals to ensure that we don't leave in bad regress, but we, at least as an individual, can do the best we can to mitigate those circumstances.

Speaker 1: 4:31

And I've had issues where I burned my bridges. I was young, I was learning and I thought I could win, and for me, winning was well. You know what they're? Just collateral damage that just happened to be in the way, or maybe I said the wrong thing. Like I've stated before, I've had many occasions in life where I've said dumb things, I've did dumb things. Yes, it's part of growing up, it's part of becoming the individual that we are today. However… If I would have maybe had somebody along the way that would have just said Jason, you need to stop saying stupid things, or you need to stop doing stupid things. Then maybe Things would have progressed a little bit easier for me. However, I did have to learn the hard way in many cases, and that's why I'm sharing this with you, because you don't have to learn the hard way. You can learn the easy way, and the easy way is if you have a chance to make things right, then you want to make things right.

Speaker 1: 5:43

Concentrate on the good of people. I mean, this world is so chaotic and crazy that what tends to happen? Well, people tend to Focus on the negative. Look at the newspaper, look at the news, go online. What do you see? You see you see things like Taylor Swift being at a football game and People start throwing shades. That all this is some Political stunt or this is towards this political party or or anything for that matter. It's simple. She's at a football game where she's trying to enjoy the game and watch her significant other play football, and that's for anything. We always tend to focus on the negative of others, and when you focus on the negative others, when you leave that situation, then you tend to sometimes burn your bridges. I Understand that we cannot look at everybody as being good, because everybody is not good. There are some ruthless bosses. I've had some I'm not gonna throw shades that way because it would go against what I've just Discussing with you but I've had some horrific bosses. I've had some wonderful and great Bosses as well that were motivating, that helped me fulfill my full potential. I can go back to Sports related coaches that really had an impact on me, not just in the game but in life, and that's what I hope to provide to those listeners out there. I'm a teacher, I'm a manager, I'm a leader, but I've done a lot of things wrong, and so I'd love to be able to pass some of those negative Experiences with the listeners out there.

Speaker 1: 7:45

I can remember saying something to a school teacher. At the time me and a friend of mine were in high school. We were both working for this restaurant and we happened to see this teacher come in and my friend stated to me. He said hey, say this to him, and I thought it was kind of some funny jargon. I didn't really get the pun of it. I said alright. So I said okay, mr So-and-so hey, and then I said the jargon that my friend stated, without really thinking things through, because obviously if I thought things through I wouldn't have said it. But I said it and this gentleman, my teacher, his face Was beat red, he was so angry I hadn't seen anybody that angry and I just kind of walked away. And then he told my friend later and he told the manager, uh, what I said and it left a really, really ugly mark on me. And I look back now and I still to this day Didn't think it was horrible jargon that I stated, but it had a certain meaning to him and my friend knew it. So he put me in a position that ultimately it was my fault but I should have said something, and I never did apologize again.

Speaker 1: 9:17

I burned my bridges and you know things like that. They can be a situation where you can just take the high road and apologize and Take responsibility. And that's really what not burning your bridge is. It's about taking responsibility for your own actions. And look at this why did you get fired from a job? Was it because the boss didn't like you? Maybe you want a good fit. Maybe you weren't doing the job real, real well. Maybe they just didn't see you doing the job, as you saw doing the job. Does that make the boss a bad person? Not necessarily. However, what if they didn't provide you any warning, any additional training, any additional training? Well, maybe it doesn't make them a bad person. It just maybe makes them a poor leader. It after that differentiation really comes in when you look at that. So when we think about are they a bad leader, are they a bad person, you have to kind of sift through that.

Speaker 1: 10:21

But instead of going to glass door and going to, indeed, or telling your friends and family or linked in, about how horrible this boss was, think about what you're doing first. Why? Because it could really come back to bite you. Maybe there's a potential job offer with that same company, or maybe that boss moves to a different company and maybe somebody takes over for him. And they liked what you did, but then they also knew what you did and said about the boss.

Speaker 1: 10:52

So anything that's going to slight you or minimize your chance for succession of succeeding, then why would you do it? It makes you feel good, but guess what You're still going to lose. Why you lost the opportunity? And if you've been on the job market for a while and you didn't see any jobs coming your way. And then, all of a sudden, a job opens up and guess what? You burned your bridges, and that's what this podcast is is really about. It's how reality can impact your life. One of the main reasons that I love doing this podcast besides the listenership and providing valuable input and feedback and ideas is about this is reality. This is the reality that we live in as Gen Z and Millennials. You know, I am Generation X, I'm getting close to my 50s, but what I passionately enjoy is continuing to learn about the different generations, particularly Gen Z and Millennials. And so, since many of you are either new into your career or you know a few years, or maybe you've been in for 10 or 15 years, but this is an opportunity for you to make your mark on the world and what reality is.

Speaker 1: 12:21

Life is not fair. Nobody ever said it was so. If somebody does something wrong to you or doesn't make you look like you should be in a good picture, it's like a painting. You can paint something really, really, really well and think you did it very, very well. However, maybe somebody else that has a better eye or has additional input may say I don't think you did a good job of doing that painting, and that's fine. It's their opinion. But again, life is not fair and the sooner that we understand that, the sooner that we will feel better about our own life. By putting others down or making people feel poorly about themselves, you know what. You may have made yourself feel good, but you didn't make the other person feel good and guess what. People have long memories and if they know that, you know what. I remember this. You know it could be negative.

Speaker 1: 13:26

I mean, I've had individuals that have burned their bridges with me, but then I have to think about it and sit back and go. Okay, the reason why they did it was for this reason. You know they counter job offer. They did whatever they had to do to get the job. I gave them a glowing review to try to get them to come do it a company that I thought would be a good fit for them. But guess what? It ultimately wasn't a good fit for them after I peeled the onion back and that person also saw it. So instead of them burning their bridges, I was willing to take a step back over time, because at the beginning, yeah, I was pretty ticked off, but over time I realized they did what they had to do for the better good of their family and I have to appreciate that. And again, we all do things that sometimes don't make sense now, but they make sense in the long run.

Speaker 1: 14:25

And I think that we all think sometimes somebody owes us this, or the world owes us this, or I'm owed this because I had this much education, I had this much experience. The world doesn't owe me, or you simply put a darn thing. We have to work hard for everything. We have to put in the time. We have to realize that sometimes things don't always work out as expected and we have to do it over.

Speaker 1: 14:57

The other day I was doing a class and I recorded this class. It was a session that was recorded and it was about a two hour class and I did it and I thought, ok, this was perfect. Well, I went and reviewed it. It didn't show any of the PowerPoint slides I provided during the demonstration. It provided some other stuff that I didn't want to be in the presentation that popped up. So I ended up having to do it over. I didn't want to do it over, but it was the right thing Now if I had chose not to do it over. Maybe nobody would have noticed, maybe I could have got by with it, but it wasn't my best work.

Speaker 1: 15:38

So when I say people don't owe us anything, it's because of the choices we make. But if I decided to turn it in that presentation, that wasn't my best then I have owed what I get. And that's my point is, life is not fair. Nobody owes us anything and that's why we have to continue to provide our own growth opportunities. We have to ensure that when the opportunity is right and we wanna strike that iron, then we do it. But we also have to face the consequences. So if you burn a good boss or you burn a relationship, or you burn a friend or whatever you may do, and you burn that bridge, just remember, when you cross that bridge again, it's not gonna be there for ya, it's not gonna be there and there's nobody else to blame but you.

Speaker 1: 16:37

What I'd like to do now is let's go to the what would you do moments segment. This is my favorite because this puts in perspective real life situation. So the what would you do moment is what if you had a great boss that you loved, but you decided that it was time for you to leave the company and you felt like you were betraying that individual. What would you do? Would you go talk to the individual and express your concerns? Would you just put in your notice to HR and do nothing else, or would you do something differently? So that's the what, the one. What would you do moment? Now the second what would you do moment because they're kinda counteractive is what if you were fired or you were asked to leave a job and you were not happy about it? How would you react then? So the first is if you wanted to put in your notice to a boss that you really liked, would you tell that boss? Would you just submit your two week notice to HR? How would you react? And the second one is if you were asked to leave or you were fired from a job or terminated, how would you react? Would you backlash? Would you say nothing? Would you say thank you for the opportunity? What would you do? And when I use that, what would you do moment?

Speaker 1: 18:14

I'll provide my insights as well. I've been in that situation where I thought I had did a great job, I had took something and made it significant from the beginning of this progress, and so I felt I had done a great job. However, I was asked to leave. I was terminated. And why was that? I didn't understand and I still don't understand to this day. But I also believe it happened for a reason, and that goes to my next point. I'll share in a little bit.

Speaker 1: 18:51

But it happened for a reason and I was not happy. I was ticked off. But what did I say? I said thank you for the opportunity. I shook the individual's hand and I said I wish you all the success, and that was it. I left. I didn't throw in his shades, I didn't get extremely mad I mean, I was mad internally, but I understood that it was a situation that I could not control and therefore that's how I reacted to that.

Speaker 1: 19:28

What would you do a moment? But how would you react? Maybe you've been in that situation and maybe you did the exact same thing I did. Or maybe you just went off the rail and said you know what? This is just a bunch of bleep, bleep, bleep. I'm done with this bleep, bleep, bleep. And maybe you bleeped them all day long. Well, you might've did that. You might've felt pretty darn good about it, but you probably wish you could have had that back. Or maybe you don't, that's fine.

Speaker 1: 19:57

Now it goes back to my next point. Everything sometimes happened for a reason. We don't always understand it. It's not in our control sometimes, but if you look at it and you did the very best you can in a situation and you didn't understand, but you start wait a minute. Maybe something happened a little later, it helped you reflect on it, you went wow, that was a blessing in disguise. If you believe in a higher power or not, it depends. But if you look at it this way and you believe the higher power is stated to you, you know what. This happened for a reason and this is why and now you see. So if you have that revelation of how and why it happened, it may make you feel better. And therefore I felt better because when I was let go from this particular job, it ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me and I appreciate it. I don't think the individual probably thinks I appreciate it, but you know my career has went in a great direction and I couldn't be more happier. So again, that was the what would you do moment. And let's go to the motivation. That's what this podcast is about.

Speaker 1: 21:12

It is your motivational Gen Z and Malinu Expert podcast, and what we always want to provide is a foundation and a template that will help you define your success. Your success is captured by the hard work you do, by creating your own growth opportunities, the development that you provide yourself, the people that you surround yourself by, and that right. There is a key point I want to make sure I drive home surrounding yourself with the right people in your personal and professional life is one of the best things you can do, because they have your best interests at heart. I've seen people that you know were into drugs, alcohol, didn't make the right career decisions and you looked at the individual. They had all the talent in the world, they had all the opportunities in the world, but what they saddled themselves with is the negative people that surrounded them.

Speaker 1: 22:22

Negative people like negative people. Why is this? Because when you have negative people, what do they care about? They want to drag you down with them. They want to say, hey, I don't want you to be a winner, I don't want you to be successful. Why? Because if you're a winner and you're successful and I'm not and I'm doing my thing, that is probably not good for me. It is not helping me at all, then I don't want you to succeed, because you're going to leave me. I'm going to be here high and dry if you're a success.

Speaker 1: 23:00

Well, that's why it's so darn important to ensure that you surround yourself with people that first care about you. They care about who you are, who you want to become, and they're pushing you to be the best. When we think about people that push us, we think of our family members. We think of those that have cared for us and really wanted the best for us. So when we think about those people, it's our family. Well, shouldn't our friends be those same type of individuals?

Speaker 1: 23:32

I have a couple of great friends that I love, and guess what? They always have their best for me. They always want me to strive for the best. They want me to be successful, and guess what? I want them to be successful. I will give them those recommendations. I will help them find job opportunities if they ask. I will do whatever it takes to ensure that their success is optimal.

Speaker 1: 23:59

That's why, as you continue to progress from this week to next week, if you have people that don't have your best interests in mind, then you need to have a talk with them, have that discussion with them and let them know that they are enabling you to be successful. This is what you're going to do, this is the steps you're going to take and this is how they can help you. And if they can't do that, they can't help you. Then guess what? They can't hang around with you because you know smoking, drinking, whatever it is. That is the reason why they're holding you back.

Speaker 1: 24:35

It's time for you to get on that horse and start galloping towards that winner's circle, because only you and you only can have that dynamic of success if you want it. And the other thing is life's not fair. So quit blaming others, quit blaming circumstances. That's what I always say. That's what I've had to do, the same thing. I've got mad, I've got angry, I wanted to blame this, I wanted to blame that circumstance, but it does no good, because when you blame people, blame circumstances, all's it means is you're taking the responsibility of who's at fault, and that responsibility lies with you and you only. It'll be, lies with me and me only Anybody that's making an impact. It relies with them.

Speaker 1: 25:30

Well, again, I hope you enjoyed today's podcast. The key things that we talked about today was don't burn your bridges, then what would you do? Moment. And then we're going to conclude here with the quote of the day, and we kind of alluded this earlier. The quote was don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river Again. Don't burn bridges, you'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river. And this was by H Jackson Brown Jr. So H Jackson Brown Jr, and that is so important. So, again, let's ensure that we realize the reality is now Life is not fair and we have to make sure that we take care of what we need to do and stop worrying about what everybody else has to do.

Speaker 1: 26:34

So, again, I hope everybody continues to have a terrific week, continues to share the podcast. I appreciate you and thank you for listening to this week's podcast, your motivational Gen Z, a millennial expert. We very much appreciate your listenership. I appreciate your listenership. Our next podcast will be next Monday, so keep your heads up, keep pushing towards your goals and keeping your eyes on the winner's circle. Have a great week and we'll see you again for our next podcast next week. So, again, I want to also thank somebody out there, jim P. I think this podcast is always created around individuals just like you. So, thank you, take care and bye, bye.