Transforming from Social Approval to Authentic Identity (Episode 157)

Reflecting on the journey of self-discovery can be a transformative experience, especially in the digital age where likes and shares seem to dictate our worth. In my candid recount, I, Dr. Jason Wiggins, take you through the pitfalls of chasing societal standards and the triumph of crafting a unique personal narrative. From the pressures faced by Gen Z and Millennials to my own tales of typecasting and triumph, this episode is a heartfelt exploration of how to stand firm in your identity amidst the noise of conformity. We'll unravel the threads of authenticity and self-accountability, sharing why the most profound success is defined within.

Navigating the labyrinth of external validation is no small feat, and I’ll share how my own transformation led to an unshakeable sense of self-fulfillment. You'll hear about my transition from a youth craving acceptance to a fulfilled adult who found true impact lies beyond titles and societal accolades. But it doesn't stop there; we'll also delve into the crucial role of mental health support and the power of self-acceptance. Join me as we foster a conversation on personal growth and the strength that comes from celebrating our individuality. Your stories and engagement are the heartbeat of this dialogue, and I welcome your thoughts as we build a community that cherishes the journey of becoming our best selves.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hello friends, welcome to your motivational Gen Z and Millennial Expert podcast. I am your host, dr Jason Wiggins, and it is great to be here. I thank you for listening. We appreciate your listenership. The podcast is doing terrific and we owe that all to you. You can catch it on any of your favorite platforms. Feel free to share it with your friends, your coworkers, as we continue to move forward.

Speaker 1: 0:37

This podcast is for Gen Z and Millennials, and the main aspect of this podcast is to motivate, inspire and talk about Gen Z and Millennials and how we can not only just improve our professional lives, but how we can improve our personal lives. So let's go ahead and get our heads right and get this podcast on the road. I've been thinking about today's topic and where we could kind of go from here and streamline, and I thought to myself at the end of the day, you know, what really we have to be accountable for is ourself. Because Gen Z and Millennials the one thing that probably ticks off these two groups the most is being typecast. This is who you should be, this is who you are, this is what statistics say, this is how we think that you should act, and that's when it really came to me, it is about honing your own skills and revolutionizing what we do and you do on a daily basis and the important aspects no matter what you do in life, how you continue to grow as an individual, within your organization, within yourself, within your family, there's only one thing that you can count on, and this is where this podcast is going to go in the direction. The only one thing that you can count on is being yourself. Nobody should be anybody. They're not. Unless you're an actor where you have to play a role of an identified character and take the role of that character, then we should just utilize our talents that we've been given and really take that to the next level and therefore, being who you are is guaranteed, the only thing that is guaranteed within your life.

Speaker 1: 3:03

And that's the one thing I looked at growing up, because I found myself aspiring to always be someone else, aspiring to be a typecast of somebody I wanted to be. I can think back early in my college years. I remember seeing a professor at school with it at Washington State and I said to myself look at that professor. He's dressed sharply in a business suit, he's driving a modest SUV and he is groomed nicely. And I thought to myself one day I hope to be a professional just like that. And then there was another time, when I was working in restaurants. I would see all these business folks come in for breakfast and I would look at them and go you know what I want to one day go into the restaurant, be dressed really nicely, look professional and be somebody important. And again, I'm typecasting myself as somebody I want to be.

Speaker 1: 4:19

Now don't get me wrong. I think it's great to mentor people. I think it's great when you see something you like and you want to aspire to be somebody like that. But what I'm saying is, don't take it the next step to where you begin to get infatuated with being somebody like this, somebody like that. Do it because you love it.

Speaker 1: 4:46

And it took me many, many years trying to satisfy everybody else about how I should be versus who I am, and I have found that important in my when I mentor others, when people have asked me what I should do. It's interesting. I had a conversation with a young man today and he said well, you know, because he knew me from 14 years ago. And he said to me he says you know, you seem successful, you've been success, you're successful. And I said success is in the eye of the beholder. And why is it in the eye of the beholder? Because we really, truly ourselves know if we're successful.

Speaker 1: 5:43

What is success? Success, ultimately, is what we think it is. It's what motivates us, it's what validates us, it's what makes us feel important, and the only thing we can guarantee with our own personal lives is that we live it the best we can. If we don't live it the best we can, that's okay, but as long as we can say, I'm okay with it. There's a lot of people that make a lot of decisions in life that don't always make sense. It doesn't make sense to you, it doesn't make sense to me. Why do they do that? Sometimes it's impulse, sometimes it's just because they make bad decisions or they don't really care. They're going to live their life the way they want to and guess what? They will absorb those repercussions as they come, knowing that their decision making is going to ultimately decide what success means to them.

Speaker 1: 7:01

I've always looked at it this way we have almost all the control for our own well-being and our own success. That is why, going back to what we talked about at the beginning of the discussion was. Success is about honing our own skills and being true to ourself. The only one that can be disappointed in what we do is ourself, and therefore we look at it. How can we change it? How can we be better? How can we be greater than we ever hoped we could be? And when I say hope we could be, that is a huge, monumental, eye-raising question, because the answer is we can fulfill our own self-prophecy and that is by taking the steps necessary. But when I say take the steps necessary, it does not mean fulfill and live up to somebody's expectations. I was fortunate growing up that the expectations that were put on me were not daunting, they were not high.

Speaker 1: 8:18

I feel kids of today's society have so much pressure on their shoulders with all the self gratification the internet, the YouTube, the social media sites about everybody's out there in social media land talking about all the wonderful things in their life, but what people don't do is talk about the negatives. So when you look at social media and you look at that, you go, oh my gosh, look what happened in little Johnny's life or little Suzy's life. Oh my gosh, they're living the dream. I wanna be able to live my dream like that. Oh, look at all those great things. But think about this If you know a thousand people on social media and only 200 are writing all the wonderful things that are happening in their life and then the other 800 are saying nothing, why is that? Because there could be negative things going on in their life, but you don't wanna hear it and they don't wanna share it.

Speaker 1: 9:24

People only want to talk about the amazing things going on in their life, in their family, in their professional careers and guess what? That's okay, as long as you're not trying to be somebody else. Be the greatest you you can be. Take the steps within your growth of your personal and professional life and, as Gen Z and millennials, let's not shoulder the burden of social media, of the news. Don't get absorbed in somebody else's life. Get absorbed in your own life. If you know somebody that's always reaching for the stars and trying to be somebody else, put your arm around them and say friend, family member, whatever it may, be the greatest you is, the you that you can be.

Speaker 1: 10:19

It's cliche as that sounds and, trust me, it sounds cliche and in many cases it probably is, but I have always learned through my own mistakes, through my own failures. Is that I have to approve of myself before others can approve of me. And sometimes you take your own psychological factors and you look at what you're good at, you look at what you're not and you look at how can I improve one of my deficiencies. I know for me I'm probably ADD. I'm the type of individual that I like to work on specific aspects and then take those aspects and roll them all together to complete one project. That's how I completed a PhD. That's how I've been successful in life of not getting bored, because don't give me a five-hour project and expect me to want to dig deep and dive into this project for five hours. I'm going to get bored, I'm going to go get dissatisfied and I'm going to go find something else.

Speaker 1: 11:36

For example, right now I'm teaching at two schools and, on top of having a full-time job and doing a podcast, having a son and experiencing family life and juggling all that. Does this sound like a lot? It is, but I enjoy every bit of it. Why? Because teaching is my passion. I love helping other people, I love sharing the knowledge that I've accumulated over the years and hopefully, I'm helping groom young leaders and managers within these schools. I love my family life.

Speaker 1: 12:14

Life's not easy. We all have our struggles. I've had mine and I will always have struggles because, guess what? I'm a human being, just like you. I wear my passion on the sleeves of myself. It's not hard to know if things are going well or they're not, but I'm always going to do it with a smile. Why? Because, no matter what happens, you woke up today, no matter how hard things are, you woke up today. That means you've lived another day and that should be a good day. It is so important to realize our self-worth without worrying about what others think of us.

Speaker 1: 13:00

Let's look at this right now. If you know somebody, or yourself or another Gen Z or millennial that's struggling with mental illness or just not feeling good overall, it's okay, because the majority of us, regardless if we're baby boomers, gen Z, gen X, millennials, whatever it may be we all struggle with approval, approval of ourselves, approval of what other people think of us. The mental illness is a real thing. Unfortunately, hundreds of people, thousands of people, commit suicide on an annual basis because they were afraid to get help, or they called for help and nobody listened, or they didn't have a family member or a great friend that they could count on. That is really, really sad. I worked with some tremendous people out there and on the surface they seem like they're really happy, but then you dig deeper and you find out more about them, more about their life, the troubles they've gone through, the upbringing they had. You see that there is a real calling out for help. That is why we have to be our own best champion, and the champion that we can provide is continual growth within our professional and personal life and reaching out and ensuring that we can build on those friendships, those family relationships.

Speaker 1: 14:37

One of the things that within the United States is family is not as strong as it is in other countries. My wife is Brazilian. She's from Brazil and the culture over there is family first, family above all else. In the United States I have a great family. We're close, but families here are not the same as in other parts of the world where You'll feel comfortable living with your whole immediate family, secondary family and that's okay. I mean you may have a house where there's eight to ten relatives that are sharing rent. It's out of necessity, but it's also out of love for the family and that is why, as Individuals, we have to have the love for ourselves.

Speaker 1: 15:32

I know that many of you have heard this before, but it's true. How can you love others if you don't love yourself? And some of the most narcissistic or Peep people that are self-indulged they may say that, but the difference is are they willing to reach out and truly love someone else? If you love yourself so much that you don't have enough love for others, that's what you call a self-absorbed individual. But the flip side of that is if you don't love yourself enough to want to be better, to want to reach out, develop Relationships and friendships, then that can be a concern and that's where you have to reach out to the individuals that have made an impact in your life. I always like to share personal stories on the podcast, because personal attributes of what we have Are the moments that we can share.

Speaker 1: 16:35

I've shared about this before, but I struggled growing up when it came to making friends and Trying to be the best. I grew up and it seemed like a lot of the things I did Was complete failures. I started out Always aspiring to be more. The one thing is, I never gave up and I think that for me, I worked above all else because I had so many failures growing up, I was picked on, I was beat up, I was made fun of. And why? Because I had a smart mouth. I always seemed to open my mouth and dig a hole for myself. But I also was not happy about who I was, because I think I have like ADHD or ADD at the time, and I didn't realize it, because, no matter what, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I always dug myself a deeper hole that I could never seem to get out of, and I always want to be better. But I just I had a weak body frame. You know, I hadn't grew into my body yet, I didn't work out. I was too young. So when I became about 13 years of age, I wasn't happy. I knew that if I kept on getting picked on, beat up, made fun of, I would never graduate from high school, you know, and I had some many moments where I was down and out and I thought to myself I can't live like this.

Speaker 1: 18:02

It goes back to that fight or flight method. That fight or flight method. What is that again? It's where you either run away or you attack. The problem that's in front of you. And the problem for me was people that were making fun of me that where I couldn't Defend myself.

Speaker 1: 18:20

So what did I start doing? I started working out, I started lifting weights. I was the weakest kid the scrawny is kid Going into my eighth grade, year of middle school. And when I started middle school, after what I see me, when I started the eighth grade, I Was one of the strongest kids as an incoming eighth grader. Why? Because I worked really hard. I lifted weights with the high schoolers at the high school gym and, and you know, I felt validated about myself.

Speaker 1: 18:51

Again, I was trying to live up to somebody else's standards because that's what I felt like I needed to do. I started playing sports. I felt like, well, maybe I need to be a jock. And I started playing football. I felt very comfortable on the team and we had a very, very good team and that's kind of how I begin to. To connect was with sports. But going in the high school, things were still hard. I was still picked on. I was kind of picked on but I was popular. And then, as I got older in High school, I became more popular, but again that was related to sports wrestling, football, rugby and then I always had that competitive spirit but I always was living up to somebody else. I wanted to be this? Why? So I could validate this. I wanted to do this why? Because I needed to feel good about who I was. And then, as I grew up, I realized I'm always chasing what others should think about me. And when I me and my wife had our son seven years ago, all of a sudden, all those validations that I was striving for were done. They were done in an instance, almost why? Because the PhD process was complete. I graduated only one month after my son was born and again, the whole PhD process was about me validating I can be a doctor, I can be doctor, so-and-so. I can do this Because, truth be told, when I started the PhD process, I didn't do it because I wanted to be a scholastic individual.

Speaker 1: 20:38

I didn't do it because I wanted to strive to be an academic guru. I didn't do it because I wanted to write a book, to have a podcast, to do all those great things. I did it so I could be Dr Wiggins. That made no sense the investment, the time. But then I had to reassess why I was doing it over time, and then I realized I had to change my focus. And then I realized the focus is about being a scholar that has the ability to generate newfound knowledge that has never been found before. And I took a new focus and that's where I started really realizing that, wow, wow, I can potentially make an impact on others. And then you take that footprint and you begin to put it elsewhere.

Speaker 1: 21:41

People ask me why would you want to do a PhD? And I'm not going to tell the true reason, because I was validating myself, because I wanted to be somebody, just to be somebody, so people could go wow, he was success. Before I realized that success. Success, as I mentioned before, is in the eye of the beholder. Quits, running for the hills and trying to throw your hands up in the air like Rocky, I did it. I did it because you shout to the mountain tops. I did it. Well, guess what? What if nobody cared? Wouldn't you caring about what you did for your own achievement? Because you wanted to do it, because you wanted to make yourself a better person and not do it for somebody else.

Speaker 1: 22:36

Well, unfortunately, we're human beings and we are. We are, you know, basically programmed to please others, and that's where mental illness and all of those sort of things plays a big part. This podcast, I don't do it for any monetary value. I do it because I hope if you're listening on the other side, you go. You know what? Dr Jason has some good points.

Speaker 1: 23:13

He's just like me. He's struggled. Just like me, he's made mistakes. He's found new ways of reinventing himself, understanding that we all have flaws, but it's about maximizing those flaws to be something beneficial beneficial to others, understanding that we are who we are because of our actions, and that is why the decisions we make today will affect our future tomorrow. We can't worry about yesterday. We can't get back yesterday. Yesterday is gone. So let's not continue to dwell in the past. If your past has been less than perfect, that's okay, because you have no control over what's already been done. Done is done, but now, if you or someone else you know is starting to look towards the future, the future's bright. The future is always bright, even if you haven't done what you wanna do today.

Speaker 1: 24:26

The motivational aspect of this podcast is understanding that our impact is the decisions we make. So let's look at this. I challenge each and every one of you to view the successes in your life and then take those successes and see how that can benefit you in the future. We all have tools that we can utilize. We've learned things through our experiences. But then look at yourself and state the obvious.

Speaker 1: 25:04

It may be obvious to everybody else, but it may not be obvious to yourself. We are all good at something. We all have talents. Take those talents and do what's best for you. Stop worrying about what everybody else is thinking about you, because guess what? The only person that you have to please is yourself, and once you please yourself, everything else will fall into place. I believe in myself.

Speaker 1: 25:36

It took me a long time to say that. It took me 40 plus years to understand that. But the validation I got from my son when he looked at me. He doesn't look at me because of Dr Wiggins. He looks at me because I'm his dad. I'm his hero in his eyes. Why? Because I'm me. His mom is his hero. Why? Because she is her, and that's how everyone of. So if you have kids and you don't just look at it that way, if they were there, what would they say about you? They look into your eyes. They don't know anything better, and that sometimes is the fruit of all the labor. So I hope you take this podcast to heart Again.

Speaker 1: 26:24

This is for Gen Z and millennials to help you professionally and personally and feel motivated.

Speaker 1: 26:31

I'm not gonna go into any quotes today or the what would you do moment, but what I would say is be a lending hand if someone that needs your help Mental illness is a serious thing and, at the same time, look at how you can be a better version of yourself in your own eyes, hone your own skills and be happy about who you are, because you are the best version of you. So I wanna thank everybody for listening. Please share. If you wanna reach out to me via email, you can reach out to me via Jason at Gen Z and MillennialExpertcom. I look forward to hearing from you and sharing with the audience as we continue to have our weekly podcast. So, again, we try to have these podcasts on Monday, but sometimes life happens and that is either with school or work or family. But I always try to provide great content and be ready for the next show. So, thank you, take care, be safe and we'll see you on our next podcast. Take care, bye-bye.