Highly Sensitive Parents & Children with Dr Genevieve von Lob

In this episode, I speak with Dr Genevieve about our shared passion for empowering and guiding Highly Sensitive Children and Parents. Dr Genevieve shares her expertise in working with HS children, parents and adults, and we discuss both the struggles and gift of being a HSP.

Genevieve's Bio

Dr Genevieve von Lob is a clinical psychologist and parenting coach based in London. After 15 years working in Britain's National Health Service, private practice in Harley Street and inside big corporations, she published her book "Happy Parent, Happy Child: A 10-step plan for a stress-free family life" with Penguin. She also authored a parenting book "Five Deep Breaths: The Power of Mindful Parenting."

Genevieve now works as an independent psychologist providing one-on-one sessions to adults and young people. Genevieve specialises in working with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) and parents with Highly Sensitive Children (HSC). Genevieve writes a weekly newsletter, "The HSP Revolution," and through this supportive platform, she is building a thriving community for Highly Sensitive People. Her work is inspired in part by the pioneering research of Dr Elaine Aron, who brought the term HSP into widespread use.

Get in Touch

Genevieve's Website
Genevieve's Instagram

Jule's Bio

Jules De Vitto has a BSc in Psychology, MA in Education and MSc in Transpersonal Psychology, Consciousness and Spirituality.

She is an accredited and certified Transpersonal Coach, Authentic-Self-Empowerment Facilitator, as well as an experienced teacher and educator. She works as a Transpersonal Coach trainer and tutor as part of the 1-year certificate in Transpersonal Coaching Psychology through Alef Trust.

She is the founder of Highly Sensitive Humans - an online community that offers courses, coaching, articles and a podcast for Highly Sensitive People. She helps those who identify with the traits of high sensitivity to navigate emotional overwhelm, step into their authentic power and align with their true purpose in life.

You can stay connected with Jules through...

Instagram
Facebook Group
Highly Sensitive Humans Website
1-1 coaching (book a 30-min free consultation)
The Highly Sensitive Human Academy™ - join our 3-month professional training: coaching Highly Sensitive People

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome, I'm your host, Jules DeVito, and you're listening to the Highly Sensitive Human Podcast, the show that offers an insight into the world of the highly sensitive person and helps those who identify with the traits of high sensitivity to feel more empowered and resilient without denying their authentic gifts.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

I still have a few spaces left for our online professional coach training on how to coach highly sensitive people. The course is for those who want to become certified practitioners or coaches for highly sensitive people. It's also for those interested in a holistic and integrative way of working with people. And the course draws on psychological and spiritual perspectives. It starts in September, so click the link in the bio to find out more or enroll today. So in this episode, I'm speaking with Dr. Genevieve about our shared passion for empowering and guiding highly sensitive children and parents. Dr. Genevieve shares her expertise in working with highly sensitive children, parents and adults. And we discuss both the struggles and gifts of being a highly sensitive person. So Genevieve is a clinical psychologist and parenting coach based in London. After 15 years of working in Britain's national health service as a private practice in Harley Street and inside big corporations, she published her book, Happy Parent, Happy Child, A 10-step plan for a stress-free family life. She also authored a parenting book, Five Deep Breaths The Power of Mindful Parenting. So welcome Genevieve to this episode. Thank you so much for having me here, Jules. So I'm really looking forward to this conversation because I know we have a lot in common in terms of our interests and passions and the work we do. So to start with, obviously, this podcast is about highly sensitive people. And can you share a bit more about your understanding and your experience of what it means to be sensitive?

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Yeah, sure. So first I will start with the fact that every sensitive person is different and unique. So we really can't stereotype sensitive people. And I really always go back to Dr. Elaine Aron, who coined this term highly sensitive person in 1996. But just to say it's not a diagnosis, it's not a disorder, it's a healthy, innate temperament found in 20 to 30% of the population. And 30% are introverted. Sorry, 70% are introverted, but 30% are extroverted. And 30% are high sensation seekers. And to me, to be sensitive is to have a finely tuned nervous system. So it means that people are much more responsive to the environment around them. And they process everything at a much deeper level. So that means they process their thoughts, their feelings, sensory input coming in, like sounds, noise, um, temperature, light, busyness, and even they often can pick up on people's feelings. So they might be that person who walks into a room and they just can sense the vibe in a room, whether it feels good, if there's a negative vibe. So they they can they often empaths, um, people who can really tune into people. And so a lot of highly sensitive people are very good at connecting. They're very good with relationships, they're really great with one-to-one, intimate chats, and they often make such good listeners, natural-born counselors. And they're very deep feelers, very, very intense feelings. So they can feel their anger or their rage or their sadness really deeply. And equally at the other end, they can really feel bliss and joy and feelings of awe. So for me, like I when I feel that real sense of bliss is when I'm out in nature, you know, those beautiful nature settings when I've seen incredible. I'm thinking back to like incredible mountains in California and just that sense of real awe, like sensitive people really feel, feel things deeply. And they also pick up on things that other people don't notice. So very observant. They're the people who notice if you've had your hair cut. My daughter's highly sensitive, so she always notices if I've got like a different pair of earrings on, if I've got a new dress on. And they really can really pick up on the most micro little changes in people's facial expressions or in their body language. And I think generally they're deep thinkers, they often have a rich inner world, they're often very drawn to self-growth and development, and um, you know, they often question. I know I was one of these children, they question why are we here? What's the meaning of all of this? Like, what are we doing? You know, they really go into things that you know not everyone thinks about. Um, and they're often creative. You'll often find sensitive people are really into beautiful things like dance, deeply moved by music, um, and often have a strong sense of justice or you know, fairness and morals. And I think one of the downsides, just to put in about sensitivity, is a sensitive person's um propensity to get overstimulated or overwhelmed more easily. So because we're processing everything more deeply and taking in the world at a much more deep level, that can mean that we can get more overwhelmed much more easily. We can struggle with the big emotions and you know, the downside is that can develop into a sort of overanalysis analysis or rumination. But anyway, I think as you can hear, I mean, I'm a highly sensitive person. I know you are too, Jules, and and I know we've been brought up in a world which has not been particularly friendly towards sensitive people, but there are so many, so many traits um of sensitivity that are so incredible and that we so need in the world right now. So I know both of us are on that mission to kind of get the word out there and and show that these these traits need to be honored and and accepted and recognized.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Absolutely. Yeah, thank you for sharing that in-depth description. And as you pointed out, I know we're both highly sensitive, and I can definitely relate to so many of those experiences. So both the struggles and the gifts of being sensitive. And I really like what you said about us all being different because I often share this as well that yeah, we can put um, you know, the label the highly sensitive person to 20 to 30 percent of the population, but that doesn't mean we're all the same, and it doesn't mean we're in this distinct box that separates us from the rest of the population. And I think it's really important to um, you know, identify that it doesn't mean yeah, we're this one specific category, and I think that's really what you're highlighting here as well.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Absolutely, absolutely, completely unique. We're all unique, and we can't be fitted into boxes.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Yeah, absolutely. And you mentioned some of the struggles we can experience, the overwhelm, and we'll go into that in a bit more deep detail as we go through. So, can you talk a bit more about the work that you do? So I know that you work with highly sensitive parents and highly sensitive children, and so yeah, specifically, what work do you do in this area?

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Yeah, so I work absolutely. I work with highly sensitive parents and highly sensitive children, and also just highly sensitive adults who are not parents as well. Um, I I specialized in sensitivity. Um and just to give it a bit of background context, the reason I came to this was it was about nine years ago. So I'd been working in the NHS for quite a few years as a clinical psychologist. And nine years ago, I was working in a child and adolescent mental health service that's abbreviated to CAMS. And so I was seeing children and teenagers and families in that service, and they would get referred. So the young people would get referred with all sorts of issues from GPs, from schools, um, social workers, pediatricians, families, and they were coming in with behavioral issues, um, meltdowns, anxiety, and struggles. And my job was to assess them and to kind of help point them towards the right psychological approach. And what's quite interesting is uh when you're a therapist, you see a lot of patterns and themes come into your work. And what I was seeing was a lot of children coming in, these kids, and they they were different, they had a quality about them, like a presence or something beyond their years, a maturity. And I could also feel them really assessing me, like looking through me. Like um I really had to let go of my role as well as a psychologist and really meet them at the same level. Um, they're what I would call old souls, and they could a lot of the time they felt very misunderstood and not listened to, and they had these deep feelings, but a lot of it was getting manifested in these challenging behaviors. Um, so one of obviously my job as a psychologist is to try and connect with them and to gain trust. And one of the ways I'll do that is through using art and getting them to draw their feelings, and it was amazing some of the things that these kids were were drawing, their awareness about like climate change and the issues on the planet, and the the amount of empathy and understanding, it was just so unusual. I I just found them so different and unusual. So this took me basically to on a quest to research because they didn't fit autism spectrum disorder, which maybe some people maybe thought they had, but they they didn't have ASD and they didn't have ADHD and some of the other labels that people were trying to put on them. And this is when I came across Dr. Elaine Aaron's work. Um, and it suddenly it was a complete aha moment. Made sense of these children. I thought that is that is it, they've got more finely tuned nervous systems, they're processing everything deeply, and their environments are not always working for them, which is why they're kicking off and or they're becoming more anxious and withdrawn. So, and it also made sense of myself, and so that was also the path for my own growth and learning. So that's really, and it's my greatest passion, actually, just working with highly sensitive people. So that was with children, but what was quite interesting, I love working with children, but often when I was in a room with the child and the parent, often it was the parent saying, please, I need some support. Can you help me? I want to chat to you. And and so I love working with children, but also really love the work with parents because for me, parents and particularly mothers, for me, are they the space, the spaceholders? They're like the leaders of their family. And when you support parents, it has such a huge ripple effect in terms of on the children, on the whole family system, and I feel on a society itself. So I feel that supporting our mothers and our fathers is really crucial, and particularly the highly sensitive parents. And I don't think we as a culture recognize enough just how much more support and recognition we should be giving to parents and really what it takes to raise children consciously, and particularly if you've got a highly sensitive child who are even more demanding. So that's really been what I love. I have such a passion for helping parents to, first of all, in terms of the work with their own children, understand their children and really understand their temperament and to help give them the tools to respond to their children because a lot of the mainstream approaches just don't really work with highly sensitive children. So I love this work and I love working with children. I do less of the work with children at the moment. I will work with parents and children sort of together, but I think my focus has gone much more into supporting parents because I think let's support the parents, support them to have the understanding, and for them to have the relationship and attachment with their own child. Um, I just feel like that as a long-term, it has a long-term benefit to both parents and children.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Absolutely. Yeah, and I think what you're saying is so important. I know from my experience of working in education and working as a teacher for so many years, I found that there is such a lack of awareness in terms of what it means to be highly sensitive. And like you said, so many children get given these labels of ASD or ADHD. And I I found that can often be um detrimental to their healing and growth. And um, I know that in a lot of the schools I've worked in, that there just isn't really an awareness of being sensitive. And I find that the classroom and as you pointed out, the environment and culture we live in doesn't really support the traits of sensitivity. Um so yeah, I think your insights are really fascinating, like you said, just knowing or sensing that there was something quite unique about these children.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Absolutely is. And because, as you said, they're so reactive and responsive to their environment. I see highly sensitive children like little tuning forks, and they just pick up on everything they're picking up. And the school environment is so stimulating, isn't it? It can be, you know, all the busyness, all the noise, um, the sounds, the colours, the instructions, the the child being told off, or the child in the playground who's being mean to another child. There's just so much for that highly sensitive child that they're picking up without even realizing it. Um, and it's not designed. And I agree. I've I I work, you see, this is another part of the work. It's so interesting in terms of what you say about being a teacher. We used to work in teaching. Um, I work with parents and I've worked with schools, I've done a lot of work with schools and teachers, but I I work with parents as well to become more confident and trust their instincts more so that they can become advocates for high sensitivity so they can actually go into the school, go into the teacher, see the teacher and actually educate them about sensitivity. I feel like parents have so much knowledge and they know so much just from having these children or being sensitive themselves, that a lot I've I've had so many examples of clients who have really shifted things in the teacher and gone and taught them about high sensitivity. And they've they've gone in, they've taken the book, you know, Elaine Aaron's book, the highly sensitive person, the highly sensitive child. And when a teacher's open and receptive and willing to learn, teachers often intuitively know about these children anyway, particularly if they're highly sensitive themselves. They kind of just have a knowing of these kids. But to actually be able to have this framework, I think is is again so empowering for teachers as well. Um, so I'm I'm so passionate about this work getting into schools too, this knowledge, because at the moment, yes, it is limited. But what's good is it is growing, isn't it? The awareness around HSPs and sensitivity. I've I've seen much more in the mainstream. I mean, there was an article in The Guardian last year, and podcasts like yours, and there's more people setting up communities, which I just think is so amazing. Um, I feel like things are shifting very fast at the moment.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Yeah, definitely. I agree, and I think because it's so needed as well. Um, and I loved what you said about empowering parents to be advocates for themselves and their children as well. And so, from your experience, I think we've touched upon this a little bit already, but what would you say are some of the biggest struggles that highly sensitive parents do experience as parents and also as having highly sensitive children?

SPEAKER_00 18:17

Yeah, so I think parenthood is an overwhelming experience for every single parent, highly sensitive or not. So I just want to say that first. I'm not trying to say that, and also I'm not trying to say that sensitive people are any more special here at all in any way. It's just that we're different, we're differently wired. So I want to say it's very, it's a hard thing in today's world. There's a lot of pressures on parents. But I think for highly sensitive people who become parents, the journey can feel even more overwhelming. So, first of all, when you have a baby just managing the sleep deprivation, a lot of highly sensitive people really need their sleep and they don't function well unless they've had that good night's sleep. And I think uh one of the biggest issues that I hear from many of the parents I work with is they just don't have enough downtime and time to themselves because parenting is so overstimulating. You've got a child who's you know, children are very dependent, of course, and they're incredible and it's a joyful experience, but they're also following you around a lot of the time, they ask a lot of questions. Uh, when they get sick, you have to just be there completely for them, you know, you're cooking for them, cleaning for them, doing dropping them off at school. And you know, there's a there's a lot of balls to juggle as a parent, and I and I think it's very hard for HSPs. We know that we need this alone time, and I know for me, I know I need that alone time to recharge and just not having anyone in my space just to just to bring my nervous system back to regulation, and for parents, that's very hard, if not impossible, some days to get any space. So I think that's a huge struggle, but I also think it's actually a necessity, it's almost like it's a priority for a parent to find any space. And I know for me, both before having a child, but even now, more so with the child, is how we set up the day. So for me, if I I need a bit of space or quiet time for myself, even 10 minutes of just being by myself, just to gather my thoughts and just to tune in. And I think for parents, I always work with them. And how do you make that space for yourself in the morning? Because that sets up the whole day. And I find that the morning routine for parents is often one of the worst parts of the day if they're highly sensitive parents being overstimulated, because it's a rush in the morning. If you've got kids to get to school, you know, you've got to get them out of the door, and it's a total recipe, it can be. And I've worked with many parents who say they're shouting by the end of the morning, trying to get everyone out. So if everyone's completely overstimulated and dysregulated and getting irritable and shouting, it's just not a very nice way to start the day. And and it's because highly sensitive parents have more sensitive nervous systems and get out of balance more easily. So it's it's it's a lot to juggle that temperament, that nervous system alongside another child, a child, you know, it puts children into the mix.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Yeah, absolutely. And I know just how difficult it is for us to find space anyway. Um, I don't have children, I am highly sensitive, and I know there is a challenge there of making sure I have space a day, as you said to Remy. Regulate my nervous system. And I really enjoy alone time. So yeah, when you add children into the mix, obviously that's a whole other challenge in terms of finding that space. So you spoke about morning routine and just how important that is. Are there any other tools or uh resources that you would recommend for parents who do want to support themselves and their children as well?

SPEAKER_00 22:31

So I one of the big tools that I use working with both parents and children is, and this is around the same issue of stimulation, because obviously that's one of the areas that we need to be very aware of as highly sensitive people. We need to be aware of having we don't want too much stimulation, but we want enough stimulation because there's something called an optimal level of arousal. So I talk about buckets and the butt the inner bucket that we all have inside us, which is the result of all the things. So if it's your child, the things they see, the things they hear and feel, all the noise and all the colours and the chattering and the walk to school and all the beautiful things that you see, and the trees and the flowers, you know, everything that you're absorbing goes into the bucket. And that's also the times when you're having, you know, your child squabbling with their sibling or had a difficult time with a friend at school. So all of that goes into the bucket. And we, as well as highly sensitive people, also need to scoop and empty out our buckets regularly. Because if we don't, then it's full and overflowing. That's when in the highly sensitive child you see the meltdown, the tantrums, the defiance, the lack of cooperation, you know, the rude words. Um and then with us as highly sensitive people or parents, that's when we see us losing it or shouting, getting very irritable. So I for me, prevention is key. And I think when we can understand this bucket, then we need to be aware of where we are in terms of our stimulation levels. And we need to become experts with our children's stimulation levels. So sometimes they actually need more stimulation because they may be acting up or defiant because they're actually a bit bored. So it may be that you need to get them to the playground or get them focused on an activity or something physical is always really good to let off steam and how much of the time we process emotions and energy through the body. So I think anything that goes through the body, walking in nature, uh, football, dance, anything like that can be good. Conversely, sometimes children or we need, as we've talked about, downtime. So it might be that we need to find ways to actually be really quiet and still. Um, and if you've got a very active child, it might be that you actually need to get them to stop. Um, I know with my daughter, I have to, I literally have to get her to stop. She's so active, she doesn't stop moving. She's always wanting to do something. And so actually, for her to stop is actually to put the screen on, to put, I put a laptop on and put the program on, and it actually gets her to chill, chill out and calm down. So for her, that's a really good thing after after school, just to settle. And I know there are other children like that. Other children get too stimulated by too much screen time. So this is the thing we were talking about. It's so much about your unique child. We're all so differently wired that what calms down one child will stimulate another child. And the same for us, what calms one HSP down is too stimulating for another one. So it's really good to teach about this bucket. How do we keep it empty, keep scooping it out? And for us, it's having self-care breaks, quiet time, or doing movement or getting on the move.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

I I think again, what you're saying is so important in terms of each of us identifying what we're feeling and what we need, right? So our needs are going to be different depending on the circumstance, the situation, uh, what's going on at that particular point in time. But I think that discernment in terms of, yeah, what do we need? What does the child or our child need? Um, so yeah, I'm relating to my experience of being a teacher, and um it's yeah, it can be challenging at times, um, especially when children don't know how to express themselves or they don't understand what they need. So for us to be guides for them in that way or mentors to help them connect with their bodies and find the tools that are really going to help them, that's uh yeah, really important.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Yeah, absolutely. It's so key, they don't know what they need and they do need our guidance, but sometimes they can be resistant to our guidance as well. Um, highly sensitive children, uh, quite a few of the highly sensitive children I've worked with over the years, um, are can be quite strong-willed and they really know their own minds, and with their parents, they can often dig their heels in, be quite resistant. They can be those children who get into the power struggles. Right. So, because they they like they they they want they they want to be guided, but they they can't always receive. It's quite it's a tricky balance with these children, and there's a certain way that you have to work with your highly sensitive child to get them on board. But I mean, the basis of all of it with highly sensitive children I found is treating them as equals. I mean, obviously you're the parent and you're the one in charge, and I'm a big believer in boundaries, but also getting to their level and they like to feel respected, they like a certain level of autonomy, choice, compromise. It's good to have conversations where you're kind of problem-solving together, compromising, negotiating with them. They work really well with that when you trust them to be able to take responsibility. So even giving them little jobs to do, letting them take charge sometimes of their own routine and finding ways to work with them. So they don't work so well in terms of being lectured and told what to do. And I think that can be where they sometimes get defiant, or sometimes they what I find is they're often very good at school because they're so conscientious a lot of the time. They really hold it together. And so when teachers are telling them what to do, they really want to do well, they really want to do the best they can. Um, and it's when they get home that it just they let that they let rip it all comes out. Right, all the feelings, all the feelings we were talking about, those big intense feelings. Um, and so our job as parents is I call it like in therapy, spaceholders, we have to be able to tolerate the intensity of their feelings, and even when it's being directed at us, we have to stay strong and try not to take it too personally. But that's hard, it's really hard.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Yeah, absolutely. And um, as you're talking, um reflecting on how you know you mentioned at the beginning many of these children are like old, old souls, they're very wise, have so much wisdom and awareness. So, yeah, the importance of treating all children as as equals. Like you said, boundaries are important, uh, but you know, I think offering the children the respect that they deserve, and really listening to them and listening to that wisdom they have to offer is so important.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

Absolutely. You know, they really I think we've spoken about this before, but they really can be our teachers. Right. I really, I really believe that they've come here, particularly the children here at the moment. I feel like they're kind of way showers that we need the qualities of these children so desperately on the planet, you know, that empathy, that compassion, the empathy, the big picture thinking, the sense of justice. And we don't want children, do we, who just go along with the status quo or just sheep. We want children who know their minds and have critical thinking skills. And and so this is this is something that parents find quite difficult to manage. They don't want to suppress that uniqueness of their these children because most of the parents that I work with, they see that incredible, beautiful quality of these children who are so aware and know their minds, but they also have to try and help them to fit in. It's very hard balance because they have to go to school and try and fit in, but the parents don't want them too programmed by the system, you know, because we all know a lot of us have had to unprogram ourselves. But yeah, these children they have so many qualities, they're so creative and gifted, many of them. And I don't mean academically gifted, there's many other ways of having gifts, social gifts, almost a telepathy. They can almost pick up on what people think and feel, and they can be so charming, so sweet, so heart-centred, natural helpers, so conscientious, and a strong sense of self they have, which is what I was talking about in terms of that old soul. They have something about them that that has a knowing of themselves, which is is really really beautiful, but needs to be when they not when they're misunderstood or they don't feel listened to, or they can't manage these big feelings, it it can can go in the wrong direction. So they need the right guidance and the understanding of them to help them get back on track and to channel all of that energy and strength in the right way.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

I definitely resonate with the gifts you're talking about there in terms of the compassion, the empathy, the creativity, the intuition. And I'm just curious, um, because as you were talking, I was wondering what your perspective is on highly sensitive children who experience adverse childhood experiences or more traumatic upbringings. Is it your understanding that they are more impacted by these difficult childhood experiences or more impacted by trauma and how that manifests in more sensitive children?

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Yes, I mean, all the research, there's some great scientific research which shows that highly sensitive children are definitely more impacted by trauma, negative experiences. And I when I say trauma, that can be all sorts of, you know, maybe abuse in childhood or the trauma of being misunderstood or being stigmatized for these sensitive qualities and not feeling like they belong or fit, you know, that can be a trauma, not feeling properly listened to or attuned to. So yes, they are much more impacted by the negatives and they pick up on more in the environment. So if you've got a parent or a caregiver who's stressed or who has difficult, you know, issues with their own emotions or they've got trauma in their own lives, of course, the children, these highly sensitive children pick up on it. They're like sponges. As I talked about tuning forks, right? So, yes, they can go on to develop, you know, they can be more vulnerable to developing anxiety or depression later. However, because that's quite a gloomy outlook, the the important thing that the research has also shown is that highly sensitive children are also more susceptible and influenced by positive experiences, which I just find fascinating. So that basically, if a child has a good enough childhood, you know, parents who try their best, no parents are perfect, there's no way you can be perfect, but try their best to understand the child and basically surrounded by love and attachment and all the good, nourishing, nurturing things that we know that children need. When children get all of the good stuff, highly sensitive children, they benefit more from it. And their outcomes, the research shows their outcomes are higher than non-sensitive children, which I think is incredible in all areas, in terms of schoolwork, academic achievement, relationships, social skills, emotional regulation. So, yes, they're more impacted by trauma, but they're also more impacted by the positive experiences, the good stuff. So they're more receptive to intervention, to being helped and being guided and being understood. So I think that's an amazing thing and very hopeful.

SPEAKER_02 35:55

Yeah, absolutely. And I, yeah, it's so important to talk about this. I know it is being spoken about more, but I have found there is often an assumption that being sensitive means, yeah, anxiety, depression, uh, you know, being flawed and broken and all of those negative assumptions. But as you pointed out, yeah, the research shows that we're we're more likely to thrive in those good enough uh environments and nourishing environments. So I think for any parents or highly sensitive people, just being aware of that is is key and can be you know helpful in itself.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

Yeah, and highly sensitive people, even if they've had trauma and very difficult. And I've worked with many people with trauma and complex trauma and PTSD. Many highly sensitive people are often drawn to a path of growth and healing. And there are many, there are many tools out there. There's so much information now to start to understand ourselves and to know you're not alone in that. Um, but yeah, I find that many of them are drawn to a path of healing and going to therapy or coaching or finding some sort of resource that helps them to manage the trauma.

SPEAKER_02 37:17

Right. Yeah, I've also found that I do think there's a correlation there between uh often having difficult childhood experiences, being sensitive, and then being propelled onto this path of healing and transformation and um yeah, being I I talk a lot about wounded healers of the world, you know, we're we're the ones who can have experienced difficulty, difficulties, but we want to we want to heal and transform ourselves and others as well.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

And I think neither you or I, Jules, would be doing this probably if we hadn't done our own paths of being wounded healers. I mean, why else would we be sitting here talking? Exactly. We both got our own our own direct experience of this and working with people as well. And I think anyone listening to this podcast is most likely seeking answers and knowledge because if you're a sensitive person who had one of those great upbringings and childhoods, generally those people you don't notice them, the sensitivity. They just the sensitivity is just an asset, they're just out there in the world and they're they're they're creative and they're empathic. But it's the people who are like the wounded healers you talk about who are generally looking for answers and looking to understand themselves more. So yeah, we're we're all here together trying to work this out.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

Um yeah, absolutely. We're all on the same journey or similar journeys. I ask everyone who joins me on this podcast if they have a favorite book or quote they like to share with the listeners. So is there anything you recommend? Anything you'd like to share with us today?

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Yeah, so I'm gonna share two books from the same author, and I have I have to have them by Dr. Elaine Aron because for me, she's the founder of this whole movement of high sensitivity. We've got a lot to be grateful to her for, and um, you know, even just giving this a framework and scientific validity because I think for most of us, and for me, I intuitively knew as a highly sensitive person that I was different. I didn't need science to tell me that, but it is good to have scientific backing and getting this out into a mainstream arena and for people to accept it. Um, so the first book, I've got two books really. The first book has to be the highly sensitive child. It really has got everything in there if you want to understand your own highly sensitive child or yourself, looking at yourself through the lens of when you were a child, it can explain a lot. So, and there's also a little bit in the back for teachers. So, if you're wanting to explain this to teachers, there's some sections with some tips at the back, which are really, really useful. And also, Elaine Aron has uh written a book called The Highly Sensitive Parent. She's written many books, but this is specifically one for parents. And I was going to read a quote from her book here. So she says, I realize that it's easy to say and not so easy to do, especially if you have more than one child. But your state of consciousness is the basis of everything else you do. When you're fresh, things go well. When you're not, things go badly. It's as simple as that. And I love that quote because yes, it's very, very simple. It's as simple as that. When you're fresh, it goes well. When you're not, it doesn't. But what I like is the state of consciousness is the basis of everything that you do. And that's something I try and live in my own life is that the way that how we're turning up and our own consciousness, and this is the work that we're talking about of the healing work, is raising our states of consciousness, raising our awareness, clearing, clearing the trauma and raising our frequency. And, you know, there are practical everyday tools we can do to try and do that, like just becoming more aware of our feelings and learning to navigate, not be so scared of our feelings and actually learn to feel them as opposed to deny them or suppose them, like really find ways to feel those vulnerable feelings. But I just love that quote, just around it's about our state of consciousness.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Yeah, no, that's brilliant. I love that too. And I think they're great recommendations. Uh, any of Elaine Aaron's work is so valuable, like you said, having that scientific basis behind the trait, um, I think is crucial. So we know it's quote unquote real. You know, it's not something we've just made up. Um so yeah, thank you for those recommendations. And I will put the links to the books in the show notes so people can access those really easily if they want to check those books out. And is there anything else you'd like to share about the topic today? Is there anything you feel we've missed out or we haven't spoken about?

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Oh, this is such a huge topic. Honestly, I could talk for hours and hours on it. There's so much. I mean, it's as I've got so much richness to share that I would love to just keep going for hours with you, Jules. But I guess the the one thing I would say is first of all, to parents who are raising one of these highly sensitive children, is to say that they are demanding, they can be very, very challenging. And they do ask you to up your game with your parenting. Like all children, as we said, require respect and they require us to listen to them and understand them. It's almost like highly sensitive children demand it of us, they demand us, and I really believe on a higher perspective that these children come in to help us evolve in our state of consciousness. They help us to grow and go on our own healing journeys. And this is why I love this area so much, because these children can trigger and press our buttons so deeply. And what they're triggering is actually places in us that are wounded and traumatized, and places in us where our own child, when we were children, didn't get what we needed. So our own children trigger those parts. Of us, they trigger our in a four-year-old or in a six-year-old. And that's why it feels so intense, the emotions that come out in this in the heat of the moment. And I really feel like they show us our blind spots, our shadow selves. You know, you can't hide anything from these children. They don't they like show you all parts of yourself. And that's what's so exciting because many parents who come to me with these sensitive children don't even realize they're highly sensitive. They start to go on their own journey of healing, of growth, of evolving. And I do think that parenting on a higher level is one fast-track path to evolving our consciousness, our state of being. It's not a path for everyone, but it's one path in this lifetime. So that's like the bigger picture. But I think just on a more practical level, as a self, as a highly sensitive parent, I would say just the biggest thing you can do is be kind to yourself and look how do you think about how you take care of yourself and how you meet your own needs. Because it's not easy being a parent. And what can you do? Always asking yourself, what can I do in this moment to meet my needs? What can I do to ease this discomfort or distress? And I really thinking, you know, honor your experience, listen to yourself, don't judge your experience and find ways to listen to yourself, get quiet, get grounded. Grounding is so important for us as highly sensitive people, as parents. So remember that all of us are on a journey of healing to some extent. We're all we've all got trauma actually, just from being human. So just from being on this planet at the moment. So we're all on this path. We're all having to actually learn at some level to reparent ourselves because no one really got what they needed completely, 100% from their own parents, and that's gone down through the generations. So my one message is to be kind to yourself, be compassionate with yourself, know you're okay as you are, and know that you're not alone. There's so many other people who are struggling with the same issues as you, but who are also trying to do their very best as parents.

SPEAKER_02 46:34

Yeah, thank you. I think that's such a beautiful and important message to finish on. Um, that yeah, element of compassion, self-compassion and acceptance to know that we are all trying our best, and that's the most important thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 46:54

It really is. Self-acceptance, and we're doing our best, and every moment is another moment to try again. And even if you've messed up, and even if you shouted or you lost it, it's self-compassion, um, is so important, and sort of revisiting and and uh taking responsibility for your actions and feelings, but not beating yourself up relentlessly, not putting yourself on that guilt trip. This is what I see with so many poets. Just yeah, be yeah, be kind to yourself, is it's easier said than done, but it's so important.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

Yeah, yes, we're all human.

SPEAKER_00 47:31

We are all human, we're all messy, and we're none of us are perfect in any way.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

So, thank you so much for everything you've shared today and for joining me on the podcast. Um, it's been really lovely sharing and hearing your insights as well. Um, and I'm just wondering for listeners who do want to find out more about what you do and your work and your blog and all of the resources you offer, where where can they go to access that easily?

SPEAKER_00 48:05

Yeah, sure. Thank you. So I have a website, drgenave.com, and you can find some more about working with me. And I also have created a newsletter for highly sensitive people, and that's also my beginnings of creating a community, so I'm just building on that, but that's called the HSP Revolution. So you can find that on Substack. I'm also mostly on Instagram, that's the platform that I use mostly. So you can find me on Instagram under Dr. Genevieve, and I'm also running at monthly webinars at the moment, so you can come and join me at one of those. I'd love to see you. And yes, and I'm really hoping in the future um to do some more in-person retreats as well, because one of the things we all need is is community and being with other people like ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 49:03

Yeah, absolutely. I can relate to that. I think we all need an after extended periods of lockdown as well. So, yeah, that sounds wonderful. And again, I'll put the links in the show notes for everyone to access for your newsletter and your website as well. So, thank you again for joining me today. It's been really wonderful talking to you.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

Thank you so much, Jules. It's been such a pleasure to be here today. Such a great chat. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

Thanks for joining me this week on Highly Sensitive Humans. Make sure to visit my website, HighlySensitiveHumans.com, where you can subscribe to the show and find out more about my upcoming workshops, my online eight-week course, and where I also offer one-to-one coaching for highly sensitive people. And if you found value in the show today, I'd really appreciate a rating, or if you'd simply share this episode with your friends or other highly sensitive people that would help support this podcast.