{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":18.93,"endTime":22.98,"body":"Welcome to messy but essential,"},{"startTime":18.93,"endTime":22.98,"body":"the weekly podcast about the"},{"startTime":22.98,"endTime":27.21,"body":"people side of project"},{"startTime":22.98,"endTime":27.21,"body":"leadership. It's where we help"},{"startTime":27.21,"endTime":32.07,"body":"you improve your soft skills to"},{"startTime":27.21,"endTime":32.07,"body":"reduce hard costs. In today's"},{"startTime":32.07,"endTime":34.83,"body":"episode, we're going to be"},{"startTime":32.07,"endTime":34.83,"body":"looking at those conversations"},{"startTime":34.83,"endTime":38.34,"body":"that you need to have, but"},{"startTime":34.83,"endTime":38.34,"body":"aren't necessarily looking"},{"startTime":38.34,"endTime":44.13,"body":"forward to, often called crucial"},{"startTime":38.34,"endTime":44.13,"body":"conversations, we'd like to"},{"startTime":44.13,"endTime":48.3,"body":"think that they don't get to be"},{"startTime":44.13,"endTime":48.3,"body":"crucial confrontations, but"},{"startTime":48.3,"endTime":49.62,"body":"sometimes they get there too."},{"startTime":50.71,"endTime":53.62,"body":"Before we jump into today's"},{"startTime":50.71,"endTime":53.62,"body":"topic, though, let's talk a"},{"startTime":53.62,"endTime":57.7,"body":"little bit about safety."},{"startTime":53.62,"endTime":57.7,"body":"Typically, in projects, and in"},{"startTime":57.7,"endTime":60.49,"body":"much of the world, for that"},{"startTime":57.7,"endTime":60.49,"body":"matter. When we think about"},{"startTime":60.52,"endTime":65.92,"body":"safety, we think about physical"},{"startTime":60.52,"endTime":65.92,"body":"safety. But when we're"},{"startTime":65.92,"endTime":70.3,"body":"considering conversations, we"},{"startTime":65.92,"endTime":70.3,"body":"need to talk about emotional"},{"startTime":70.33,"endTime":75.73,"body":"safety. It's about creating that"},{"startTime":70.33,"endTime":75.73,"body":"space that allows you to have"},{"startTime":75.73,"endTime":80.38,"body":"the conversation in a way that"},{"startTime":75.73,"endTime":80.38,"body":"doesn't cause hurt or harm, or"},{"startTime":80.38,"endTime":85.51,"body":"challenge to someone's emotional"},{"startTime":80.38,"endTime":85.51,"body":"well being. That's not so easy"},{"startTime":85.51,"endTime":91.45,"body":"to do. But it's very important"},{"startTime":85.51,"endTime":91.45,"body":"to consider. So let's jump into"},{"startTime":91.45,"endTime":95.08,"body":"today's content with an example."},{"startTime":91.45,"endTime":95.08,"body":"Oftentimes, when I get into"},{"startTime":95.08,"endTime":98.32,"body":"conversations, I pay attention"},{"startTime":95.08,"endTime":98.32,"body":"to how the other person is"},{"startTime":98.32,"endTime":104.11,"body":"feeling, before we launch into"},{"startTime":98.32,"endTime":104.11,"body":"the conversation. Sometimes it's"},{"startTime":104.11,"endTime":109.09,"body":"just the wrong time to have the"},{"startTime":104.11,"endTime":109.09,"body":"dialogue. Now, the other side of"},{"startTime":109.09,"endTime":112.42,"body":"that coin is simply that, of"},{"startTime":109.09,"endTime":112.42,"body":"course, there are some"},{"startTime":112.42,"endTime":116.89,"body":"conversations that we'll put off"},{"startTime":112.42,"endTime":116.89,"body":"forever, because we really can"},{"startTime":116.89,"endTime":120.7,"body":"come up with a million excuses"},{"startTime":116.89,"endTime":120.7,"body":"for why the timing isn't right."},{"startTime":121.9,"endTime":125.26,"body":"So when we talk about emotional"},{"startTime":121.9,"endTime":125.26,"body":"safety, I'm talking about"},{"startTime":125.26,"endTime":128.62,"body":"creating the space where people"},{"startTime":125.26,"endTime":128.62,"body":"can call timeout, when people"},{"startTime":128.62,"endTime":134.68,"body":"can say woah woah woah, hold on,"},{"startTime":128.62,"endTime":134.68,"body":"I need to reflect. It's where"},{"startTime":134.68,"endTime":139.63,"body":"people can truly create a safe"},{"startTime":134.68,"endTime":139.63,"body":"space to have the conversation."},{"startTime":141.28,"endTime":143.11,"body":"We'll talk about how we do that"},{"startTime":141.28,"endTime":143.11,"body":"as well."},{"startTime":144.05,"endTime":147.14,"body":"Crucial Conversations are those"},{"startTime":144.05,"endTime":147.14,"body":"times when we need to get our"},{"startTime":147.14,"endTime":150.89,"body":"message across. And we need to"},{"startTime":147.14,"endTime":150.89,"body":"do it in a way that helps people"},{"startTime":150.89,"endTime":155.78,"body":"change, often changing their"},{"startTime":150.89,"endTime":155.78,"body":"behaviors, or maybe even how"},{"startTime":155.78,"endTime":162.41,"body":"they think. We'll talk a little"},{"startTime":155.78,"endTime":162.41,"body":"bit later about a resource"},{"startTime":162.98,"endTime":167.42,"body":"called appropriately enough"},{"startTime":162.98,"endTime":167.42,"body":"Crucial Conversations. But one"},{"startTime":167.42,"endTime":171.2,"body":"of the authors Kerry Patterson"},{"startTime":167.42,"endTime":171.2,"body":"says people who are skilled at"},{"startTime":171.2,"endTime":175.79,"body":"dialogue, do their best to make"},{"startTime":171.2,"endTime":175.79,"body":"it safe for everyone to add"},{"startTime":175.79,"endTime":180.86,"body":"their meaning to the shared"},{"startTime":175.79,"endTime":180.86,"body":"pool. Even ideas that at first"},{"startTime":180.86,"endTime":185.48,"body":"glance appear controversial"},{"startTime":180.86,"endTime":185.48,"body":"long, or at odds with their own"},{"startTime":185.48,"endTime":192.26,"body":"beliefs. The challenge, of"},{"startTime":185.48,"endTime":192.26,"body":"course, is that when we really"},{"startTime":192.26,"endTime":196.4,"body":"get into crucial conversations,"},{"startTime":192.26,"endTime":196.4,"body":"they have an emotional impact on"},{"startTime":196.4,"endTime":202.13,"body":"us. We may find ourselves"},{"startTime":196.4,"endTime":202.13,"body":"getting tense, or going in there"},{"startTime":202.19,"endTime":203.12,"body":"anxious."},{"startTime":203.9,"endTime":207.32,"body":"A long time ago, somebody said"},{"startTime":203.9,"endTime":207.32,"body":"to me, you know, Rod, the only"},{"startTime":207.32,"endTime":212.84,"body":"person you can actually have"},{"startTime":207.32,"endTime":212.84,"body":"control over is yourself. The"},{"startTime":212.84,"endTime":219.92,"body":"only person you can really"},{"startTime":212.84,"endTime":219.92,"body":"change is yourself. So the first"},{"startTime":219.92,"endTime":223.22,"body":"thing to do when we're thinking"},{"startTime":219.92,"endTime":223.22,"body":"about those tough conversations,"},{"startTime":223.52,"endTime":230.33,"body":"is to step back and look in the"},{"startTime":223.52,"endTime":230.33,"body":"mirror. look at ourselves first."},{"startTime":231.41,"endTime":236.51,"body":"Where is our headspace? Why do"},{"startTime":231.41,"endTime":236.51,"body":"we want to have this"},{"startTime":236.54,"endTime":242.66,"body":"confrontation? What's the real"},{"startTime":236.54,"endTime":242.66,"body":"motivation behind it? Is it"},{"startTime":242.66,"endTime":245.84,"body":"truly to make the project"},{"startTime":242.66,"endTime":245.84,"body":"environment we're working in? Or"},{"startTime":245.84,"endTime":250.01,"body":"the team environment better? Or"},{"startTime":245.84,"endTime":250.01,"body":"is it because we have a bone to"},{"startTime":250.01,"endTime":256.91,"body":"pick and we just want to get it"},{"startTime":250.01,"endTime":256.91,"body":"out? We're human. We're messy."},{"startTime":257.87,"endTime":261.56,"body":"And many of us attack things"},{"startTime":257.87,"endTime":261.56,"body":"with a level of emotion that"},{"startTime":261.56,"endTime":263.9,"body":"maybe isn't always serving us"},{"startTime":261.56,"endTime":263.9,"body":"very well."},{"startTime":265.14,"endTime":265.74,"body":"Guilty."},{"startTime":268.15,"endTime":273.4,"body":"So what exactly is a crucial"},{"startTime":268.15,"endTime":273.4,"body":"conversation? It's a discussion"},{"startTime":273.4,"endTime":277.99,"body":"between two people where the"},{"startTime":273.4,"endTime":277.99,"body":"stakes are high. If it doesn't"},{"startTime":277.99,"endTime":286.3,"body":"succeed, we can have other"},{"startTime":277.99,"endTime":286.3,"body":"consequences or problems. Have"},{"startTime":286.3,"endTime":288.67,"body":"you ever been in a conversation"},{"startTime":286.3,"endTime":288.67,"body":"with somebody and they said,"},{"startTime":288.7,"endTime":295.0,"body":"That's it? I'm done. I'm out of"},{"startTime":288.7,"endTime":295.0,"body":"here. I have and I also have to"},{"startTime":295.0,"endTime":297.7,"body":"confess that one of the"},{"startTime":295.0,"endTime":297.7,"body":"struggles I've had in my life is"},{"startTime":297.7,"endTime":302.32,"body":"that walking away I'm going to"},{"startTime":297.7,"endTime":302.32,"body":"leave before I say something"},{"startTime":302.32,"endTime":306.43,"body":"that I shouldn't say, well just"},{"startTime":302.32,"endTime":306.43,"body":"don't say it. Okay, that's not"},{"startTime":306.43,"endTime":311.74,"body":"so easy. That's that slight part"},{"startTime":306.43,"endTime":311.74,"body":"of how our brains are designed"},{"startTime":311.74,"endTime":315.64,"body":"or wired. But it doesn't"},{"startTime":311.74,"endTime":315.64,"body":"necessarily mean it's healthy,"},{"startTime":315.85,"endTime":319.87,"body":"or helpful. The other thing to"},{"startTime":315.85,"endTime":319.87,"body":"keep in mind is that the longer"},{"startTime":319.87,"endTime":323.53,"body":"we put off some of those"},{"startTime":319.87,"endTime":323.53,"body":"conversations, the more damage"},{"startTime":323.53,"endTime":326.98,"body":"it can actually be doing, either"},{"startTime":323.53,"endTime":326.98,"body":"to the relationship to the"},{"startTime":326.98,"endTime":330.34,"body":"project, or even physically to"},{"startTime":326.98,"endTime":330.34,"body":"us."},{"startTime":331.71,"endTime":335.07,"body":"There are lots of data out there"},{"startTime":331.71,"endTime":335.07,"body":"showing that when we hold things"},{"startTime":335.07,"endTime":338.76,"body":"inside, or when we carry"},{"startTime":335.07,"endTime":338.76,"body":"grudges, or when we carry that"},{"startTime":338.76,"endTime":343.59,"body":"upset, that we're actually"},{"startTime":338.76,"endTime":343.59,"body":"physically damaging ourselves."},{"startTime":344.61,"endTime":348.45,"body":"How so you might ask? Well, I"},{"startTime":344.61,"endTime":348.45,"body":"remember many years ago being"},{"startTime":348.45,"endTime":352.47,"body":"told that if we consider an"},{"startTime":348.45,"endTime":352.47,"body":"adult who's angry, that there is"},{"startTime":352.47,"endTime":356.73,"body":"actually toxin that comes out of"},{"startTime":352.47,"endTime":356.73,"body":"their breath of respirate, when"},{"startTime":356.73,"endTime":360.99,"body":"we're shouting when we're angry."},{"startTime":356.73,"endTime":360.99,"body":"And in fact, science has shown"},{"startTime":361.14,"endTime":365.16,"body":"that a 10 minute period of"},{"startTime":361.14,"endTime":365.16,"body":"shouting, anger, can have enough"},{"startTime":365.16,"endTime":369.99,"body":"toxin in it to kill a guinea"},{"startTime":365.16,"endTime":369.99,"body":"pig. Now, you know, maybe we"},{"startTime":369.99,"endTime":372.33,"body":"could say we don't have guinea"},{"startTime":369.99,"endTime":372.33,"body":"pigs around. So is that really a"},{"startTime":372.33,"endTime":377.61,"body":"problem? But in fact, think of"},{"startTime":372.33,"endTime":377.61,"body":"it. If that's enough to kill a"},{"startTime":377.61,"endTime":382.2,"body":"guinea pig, and we don't get it"},{"startTime":377.61,"endTime":382.2,"body":"out, we don't express it. Where"},{"startTime":382.2,"endTime":389.79,"body":"does the toxin go? has to go"},{"startTime":382.2,"endTime":389.79,"body":"somewhere. It goes inside. So"},{"startTime":389.79,"endTime":394.38,"body":"that's one of the reasons why"},{"startTime":389.79,"endTime":394.38,"body":"when we hold on to things, and"},{"startTime":394.38,"endTime":398.13,"body":"we don't have those tough"},{"startTime":394.38,"endTime":398.13,"body":"conversations, we're actually"},{"startTime":398.13,"endTime":400.95,"body":"doing ourselves physical harm as"},{"startTime":398.13,"endTime":400.95,"body":"well."},{"startTime":402.01,"endTime":405.22,"body":"So when we think about those"},{"startTime":402.01,"endTime":405.22,"body":"crucial conversations, they"},{"startTime":405.22,"endTime":409.06,"body":"really are those conversations"},{"startTime":405.22,"endTime":409.06,"body":"that once we've had them, we may"},{"startTime":409.06,"endTime":412.75,"body":"have cleared the air, we may"},{"startTime":409.06,"endTime":412.75,"body":"actually even have managed to"},{"startTime":412.75,"endTime":417.91,"body":"become more healthy ourselves."},{"startTime":412.75,"endTime":417.91,"body":"As a result of them. That's"},{"startTime":417.91,"endTime":419.59,"body":"going to be a pretty good"},{"startTime":417.91,"endTime":419.59,"body":"motivator to have that"},{"startTime":419.59,"endTime":424.69,"body":"conversation. The key is that we"},{"startTime":419.59,"endTime":424.69,"body":"want to become masters of those"},{"startTime":424.69,"endTime":428.44,"body":"crucial conversations, not just"},{"startTime":424.69,"endTime":428.44,"body":"having them, but mastering them."},{"startTime":429.61,"endTime":433.42,"body":"organizations or projects where"},{"startTime":429.61,"endTime":433.42,"body":"people don't share things, or"},{"startTime":433.42,"endTime":438.07,"body":"where people don't actually"},{"startTime":433.42,"endTime":438.07,"body":"confront the right issues. or"},{"startTime":438.07,"endTime":441.94,"body":"organizations and projects where"},{"startTime":438.07,"endTime":441.94,"body":"there are secrets, where there"},{"startTime":441.94,"endTime":446.29,"body":"are challenges where people just"},{"startTime":441.94,"endTime":446.29,"body":"aren't getting along. These are"},{"startTime":446.29,"endTime":449.5,"body":"organizations and projects that"},{"startTime":446.29,"endTime":449.5,"body":"have a high turnover, and"},{"startTime":449.5,"endTime":453.7,"body":"significantly less engagement."},{"startTime":449.5,"endTime":453.7,"body":"So there are some very clear"},{"startTime":453.7,"endTime":456.4,"body":"benefits to having those"},{"startTime":453.7,"endTime":456.4,"body":"conversations."},{"startTime":457.56,"endTime":459.27,"body":"Now, there's a process, of"},{"startTime":457.56,"endTime":459.27,"body":"course, to make those"},{"startTime":459.27,"endTime":463.83,"body":"conversations work for"},{"startTime":459.27,"endTime":463.83,"body":"everyone's benefit. Typically,"},{"startTime":463.83,"endTime":467.7,"body":"they start with looking at"},{"startTime":463.83,"endTime":467.7,"body":"yourself and asking, why am I"},{"startTime":467.7,"endTime":473.34,"body":"doing this? Is it clear in my"},{"startTime":467.7,"endTime":473.34,"body":"mind, what my motivation is, and"},{"startTime":473.34,"endTime":477.57,"body":"what I hope to get out of this"},{"startTime":473.34,"endTime":477.57,"body":"conversation? If it's not clear,"},{"startTime":478.08,"endTime":483.57,"body":"take a moment to step back and"},{"startTime":478.08,"endTime":483.57,"body":"make it clear. We're really"},{"startTime":483.57,"endTime":489.12,"body":"talking about dialogue here. And"},{"startTime":483.57,"endTime":489.12,"body":"dialogue is a two way process."},{"startTime":490.08,"endTime":493.92,"body":"Many times over the years, I"},{"startTime":490.08,"endTime":493.92,"body":"used to use the term discussion,"},{"startTime":495.03,"endTime":499.05,"body":"until I discovered that the word"},{"startTime":495.03,"endTime":499.05,"body":"discussion comes from the same"},{"startTime":499.05,"endTime":503.19,"body":"root word as percussion, or"},{"startTime":499.05,"endTime":503.19,"body":"concussion, it was a hitting"},{"startTime":503.19,"endTime":508.71,"body":"thing. dialogue, on the other"},{"startTime":503.19,"endTime":508.71,"body":"hand, is a two way exchange,"},{"startTime":509.01,"endTime":513.09,"body":"where the person I'm talking"},{"startTime":509.01,"endTime":513.09,"body":"with is as interested and has as"},{"startTime":513.09,"endTime":519.51,"body":"much at stake in resolving this"},{"startTime":513.09,"endTime":519.51,"body":"as I do. So how do we make it"},{"startTime":519.51,"endTime":524.76,"body":"safe for that other person? One"},{"startTime":519.51,"endTime":524.76,"body":"of the ways is by asking"},{"startTime":524.76,"endTime":530.01,"body":"questions. Reflect for a moment,"},{"startTime":524.76,"endTime":530.01,"body":"if you will. Have you ever found"},{"startTime":530.01,"endTime":533.16,"body":"yourself in a situation where in"},{"startTime":530.01,"endTime":533.16,"body":"fact, you went in thinking"},{"startTime":533.16,"endTime":538.17,"body":"something specific was the issue"},{"startTime":533.16,"endTime":538.17,"body":"and discovered, maybe to your"},{"startTime":538.17,"endTime":544.8,"body":"chagrin, that in fact, that"},{"startTime":538.17,"endTime":544.8,"body":"wasn't the issue at all? I"},{"startTime":544.8,"endTime":547.41,"body":"certainly have lots of times"},{"startTime":544.8,"endTime":547.41,"body":"where I've played out the"},{"startTime":547.41,"endTime":551.16,"body":"scenario in my mind so many"},{"startTime":547.41,"endTime":551.16,"body":"times that I'm going to have"},{"startTime":551.16,"endTime":554.43,"body":"this conversation because this"},{"startTime":551.16,"endTime":554.43,"body":"is what is happening. And when I"},{"startTime":554.43,"endTime":558.84,"body":"get there, I discovered that"},{"startTime":554.43,"endTime":558.84,"body":"that wasn't the issue at all. So"},{"startTime":558.84,"endTime":562.17,"body":"let's start by asking some"},{"startTime":558.84,"endTime":562.17,"body":"questions, creating that safe"},{"startTime":562.17,"endTime":562.86,"body":"space."},{"startTime":566.19,"endTime":571.47,"body":"Let's review a moment. Go back"},{"startTime":566.19,"endTime":571.47,"body":"to motives. Go back to Okay, why"},{"startTime":571.47,"endTime":575.52,"body":"are we having this conversation."},{"startTime":571.47,"endTime":575.52,"body":"Now in some cases, we may be"},{"startTime":575.52,"endTime":578.04,"body":"having a conversation because"},{"startTime":575.52,"endTime":578.04,"body":"there's a critical component of"},{"startTime":578.04,"endTime":582.84,"body":"the project that we can't move"},{"startTime":578.04,"endTime":582.84,"body":"forward unless we resolve"},{"startTime":582.84,"endTime":588.15,"body":"certain things between"},{"startTime":582.84,"endTime":588.15,"body":"individuals. And in other cases,"},{"startTime":588.6,"endTime":593.07,"body":"we're being pre emptive. We're"},{"startTime":588.6,"endTime":593.07,"body":"having the conversation in order"},{"startTime":593.07,"endTime":598.5,"body":"to set the stage for where we go"},{"startTime":593.07,"endTime":598.5,"body":"from here. Ultimately, though,"},{"startTime":598.86,"endTime":602.58,"body":"we need to come to some type of"},{"startTime":598.86,"endTime":602.58,"body":"an agreement, some type of"},{"startTime":602.61,"endTime":607.29,"body":"action that the conversation is"},{"startTime":602.61,"endTime":607.29,"body":"going to initiate. So since"},{"startTime":607.29,"endTime":611.16,"body":"we're talking about a shared"},{"startTime":607.29,"endTime":611.16,"body":"problem, what are the things"},{"startTime":611.16,"endTime":616.62,"body":"that we share in common. And we"},{"startTime":611.16,"endTime":616.62,"body":"start the conversation by"},{"startTime":616.62,"endTime":620.82,"body":"agreeing on the things that we"},{"startTime":616.62,"endTime":620.82,"body":"both believe in, or perhaps"},{"startTime":620.82,"endTime":622.53,"body":"values we both share."},{"startTime":623.98,"endTime":626.77,"body":"And I would encourage you, both"},{"startTime":623.98,"endTime":626.77,"body":"of you in terms of the"},{"startTime":626.77,"endTime":630.04,"body":"conversation, that if you're"},{"startTime":626.77,"endTime":630.04,"body":"having this conversation to take"},{"startTime":630.04,"endTime":634.66,"body":"notes, so sometimes you can come"},{"startTime":630.04,"endTime":634.66,"body":"back to them. I found over the"},{"startTime":634.66,"endTime":638.89,"body":"years that taking notes also"},{"startTime":634.66,"endTime":638.89,"body":"clears the short term memory of"},{"startTime":638.89,"endTime":643.06,"body":"the responsibility to keep"},{"startTime":638.89,"endTime":643.06,"body":"track, allowing us to focus all"},{"startTime":643.06,"endTime":647.98,"body":"of our mental energy on making"},{"startTime":643.06,"endTime":647.98,"body":"the dialogue work, not on"},{"startTime":647.98,"endTime":652.0,"body":"remembering what was said. Now,"},{"startTime":647.98,"endTime":652.0,"body":"I want to be clear here, we're"},{"startTime":652.0,"endTime":655.6,"body":"not taking notes, so we can use"},{"startTime":652.0,"endTime":655.6,"body":"them against somebody later."},{"startTime":656.56,"endTime":661.3,"body":"We're taking notes to help us"},{"startTime":656.56,"endTime":661.3,"body":"clear our minds so that we can"},{"startTime":661.3,"endTime":665.02,"body":"focus our energy where we need"},{"startTime":661.3,"endTime":665.02,"body":"to focus it. Now, once we've"},{"startTime":665.02,"endTime":670.78,"body":"done that, things are going to"},{"startTime":665.02,"endTime":670.78,"body":"change a little bit. In fact, we"},{"startTime":670.78,"endTime":675.13,"body":"might discover that having"},{"startTime":670.78,"endTime":675.13,"body":"shared our common values, shared"},{"startTime":675.13,"endTime":679.96,"body":"the things that we agree on"},{"startTime":675.13,"endTime":679.96,"body":"together, that 80% of the"},{"startTime":679.96,"endTime":683.77,"body":"problems already solved. And"},{"startTime":679.96,"endTime":683.77,"body":"there's really only 20% left to"},{"startTime":683.77,"endTime":684.28,"body":"work on."},{"startTime":686.49,"endTime":690.6,"body":"So given that we're now clear on"},{"startTime":686.49,"endTime":690.6,"body":"our motives, and we found some"},{"startTime":690.6,"endTime":696.87,"body":"common ground, it's time to get"},{"startTime":690.6,"endTime":696.87,"body":"into the tougher issue. And the"},{"startTime":696.87,"endTime":704.22,"body":"best way to do that is to start"},{"startTime":696.87,"endTime":704.22,"body":"with the heart. Now, that kind"},{"startTime":704.22,"endTime":707.31,"body":"of sounds a little mushy. But"},{"startTime":704.22,"endTime":707.31,"body":"you know, we're messy. And"},{"startTime":707.31,"endTime":711.36,"body":"remember, we have emotions, no"},{"startTime":707.31,"endTime":711.36,"body":"matter how much Some of us may"},{"startTime":711.36,"endTime":716.52,"body":"try to mask them, or camouflage"},{"startTime":711.36,"endTime":716.52,"body":"them or bury them. We all have"},{"startTime":716.52,"endTime":721.41,"body":"emotions. So the tough"},{"startTime":716.52,"endTime":721.41,"body":"conversation needs to start with"},{"startTime":721.62,"endTime":725.22,"body":"the emotional component, start"},{"startTime":721.62,"endTime":725.22,"body":"with the heart. What do you"},{"startTime":725.22,"endTime":730.77,"body":"really believe in, this is the"},{"startTime":725.22,"endTime":730.77,"body":"time to stay focused. It's so"},{"startTime":730.77,"endTime":733.44,"body":"easy when you're in a tough"},{"startTime":730.77,"endTime":733.44,"body":"conversation to get distracted,"},{"startTime":733.65,"endTime":737.73,"body":"and head off into an area that"},{"startTime":733.65,"endTime":737.73,"body":"you don't want to go. I find"},{"startTime":737.73,"endTime":741.96,"body":"that when I have a tough"},{"startTime":737.73,"endTime":741.96,"body":"conversation with three or four"},{"startTime":741.96,"endTime":746.46,"body":"things that I really want to get"},{"startTime":741.96,"endTime":746.46,"body":"across, I write them down. In"},{"startTime":746.46,"endTime":748.86,"body":"that way, they're right there in"},{"startTime":746.46,"endTime":748.86,"body":"front of me, and I can keep"},{"startTime":748.86,"endTime":753.12,"body":"coming back to them. I'm not"},{"startTime":748.86,"endTime":753.12,"body":"straying somewhere else, I'm"},{"startTime":753.12,"endTime":757.8,"body":"remaining focused. Now there are"},{"startTime":753.12,"endTime":757.8,"body":"times of course, when I need to"},{"startTime":757.8,"endTime":762.12,"body":"refocus my brain, sometimes I"},{"startTime":757.8,"endTime":762.12,"body":"need to say, Well, I'm getting"},{"startTime":762.12,"endTime":765.96,"body":"beyond myself, or I'm moving"},{"startTime":762.12,"endTime":765.96,"body":"into an area where I don't want"},{"startTime":765.96,"endTime":769.77,"body":"to go, let's stop for a second,"},{"startTime":765.96,"endTime":769.77,"body":"take a deep breath, have a"},{"startTime":769.77,"endTime":770.49,"body":"timeout."},{"startTime":772.1,"endTime":778.58,"body":"My advice is don't be afraid to"},{"startTime":772.1,"endTime":778.58,"body":"call for a timeout. It's not a"},{"startTime":778.58,"endTime":783.92,"body":"sign of weakness to say whoa, I"},{"startTime":778.58,"endTime":783.92,"body":"want to regroup. That's where"},{"startTime":783.92,"endTime":788.18,"body":"you get to use your real mental"},{"startTime":783.92,"endTime":788.18,"body":"powers to step outside of your"},{"startTime":788.18,"endTime":792.29,"body":"brain, kind of like a mental"},{"startTime":788.18,"endTime":792.29,"body":"helicopter trip and say, okay,"},{"startTime":792.38,"endTime":797.39,"body":"what's going on here. And when"},{"startTime":792.38,"endTime":797.39,"body":"you're humble enough and candid"},{"startTime":797.39,"endTime":801.59,"body":"enough to say, Whoa, this isn't"},{"startTime":797.39,"endTime":801.59,"body":"going where I think it's healthy"},{"startTime":801.59,"endTime":805.46,"body":"for us to go, you'll discover"},{"startTime":801.59,"endTime":805.46,"body":"that the person you're speaking"},{"startTime":805.46,"endTime":812.78,"body":"with now has permission to do"},{"startTime":805.46,"endTime":812.78,"body":"the same has permission to stop"},{"startTime":812.78,"endTime":819.71,"body":"the process at any time to"},{"startTime":812.78,"endTime":819.71,"body":"regroup. saying things like"},{"startTime":819.74,"endTime":822.62,"body":"let's stop this for a moment."},{"startTime":819.74,"endTime":822.62,"body":"Let's have a little bit of"},{"startTime":822.65,"endTime":827.36,"body":"timeout. Let's think about this"},{"startTime":822.65,"endTime":827.36,"body":"a little bit more. There are"},{"startTime":827.36,"endTime":831.29,"body":"times when you actually need to"},{"startTime":827.36,"endTime":831.29,"body":"move away, take a break a pause"},{"startTime":831.44,"endTime":835.13,"body":"and come back to it. That's part"},{"startTime":831.44,"endTime":835.13,"body":"of having that crucial"},{"startTime":835.13,"endTime":839.93,"body":"conversation, paying attention"},{"startTime":835.13,"endTime":839.93,"body":"to what's going on around you."},{"startTime":841.28,"endTime":846.86,"body":"The second aspect to this is"},{"startTime":841.28,"endTime":846.86,"body":"body language. Now, that's a"},{"startTime":846.86,"endTime":850.67,"body":"little trickier. If you're"},{"startTime":846.86,"endTime":850.67,"body":"listening to this in the midst"},{"startTime":850.67,"endTime":855.08,"body":"of the coronavirus or COVID-19"},{"startTime":850.67,"endTime":855.08,"body":"pandemic, there's a good chance"},{"startTime":855.08,"endTime":858.95,"body":"that some of these conversations"},{"startTime":855.08,"endTime":858.95,"body":"now have to happen virtually."},{"startTime":859.82,"endTime":864.11,"body":"Well, if that's the case, if you"},{"startTime":859.82,"endTime":864.11,"body":"can use a software or technology"},{"startTime":864.23,"endTime":866.81,"body":"that allows you to see each"},{"startTime":864.23,"endTime":866.81,"body":"other, that would be helpful."},{"startTime":867.86,"endTime":871.31,"body":"But I'm going to go one step"},{"startTime":867.86,"endTime":871.31,"body":"further. I would in fact"},{"startTime":871.31,"endTime":875.45,"body":"encourage you to see each other"},{"startTime":871.31,"endTime":875.45,"body":"standing so that you're able to"},{"startTime":875.45,"endTime":880.79,"body":"see more than just the face."},{"startTime":875.45,"endTime":880.79,"body":"It's a big plus, if you get to"},{"startTime":880.79,"endTime":885.98,"body":"see the greater picture. Taking"},{"startTime":880.79,"endTime":885.98,"body":"time to set up the environment,"},{"startTime":886.28,"endTime":890.72,"body":"taking time to make sure that we"},{"startTime":886.28,"endTime":890.72,"body":"have all of the components in"},{"startTime":890.72,"endTime":895.88,"body":"place in order to make this"},{"startTime":890.72,"endTime":895.88,"body":"conversation successful. Those"},{"startTime":895.88,"endTime":899.78,"body":"are critical elements to"},{"startTime":895.88,"endTime":899.78,"body":"managing and mastering those"},{"startTime":899.78,"endTime":904.82,"body":"crucial conversations. Of"},{"startTime":899.78,"endTime":904.82,"body":"course, let's be fair, seeing"},{"startTime":904.82,"endTime":908.51,"body":"the whole person makes us more"},{"startTime":904.82,"endTime":908.51,"body":"vulnerable. But that"},{"startTime":908.51,"endTime":913.55,"body":"vulnerability allows us to dig"},{"startTime":908.51,"endTime":913.55,"body":"down into some of the issues. So"},{"startTime":913.55,"endTime":916.43,"body":"look around, pay attention to"},{"startTime":913.55,"endTime":916.43,"body":"what's going on."},{"startTime":919.24,"endTime":923.92,"body":"Do you know how you come across"},{"startTime":919.24,"endTime":923.92,"body":"when you under stress? That's"},{"startTime":923.92,"endTime":929.56,"body":"another aspect of it. Our bodies"},{"startTime":923.92,"endTime":929.56,"body":"often betray us. They tell us or"},{"startTime":929.56,"endTime":933.91,"body":"others what's going on in our"},{"startTime":929.56,"endTime":933.91,"body":"brains before our mouths have a"},{"startTime":933.91,"endTime":938.14,"body":"chance to articulate or express"},{"startTime":933.91,"endTime":938.14,"body":"it. Think about some of the"},{"startTime":938.14,"endTime":945.43,"body":"other cues for yourself. This is"},{"startTime":938.14,"endTime":945.43,"body":"focusing you on the cues for you"},{"startTime":945.43,"endTime":949.45,"body":"and around you. I know for"},{"startTime":945.43,"endTime":949.45,"body":"instance, when I get stressed, I"},{"startTime":949.45,"endTime":952.99,"body":"tend to do a few things. When I"},{"startTime":949.45,"endTime":952.99,"body":"get stressed, for instance, my"},{"startTime":952.99,"endTime":956.71,"body":"voice tends to get louder, or my"},{"startTime":952.99,"endTime":956.71,"body":"language can become a little"},{"startTime":956.71,"endTime":961.0,"body":"more colorful. I need to"},{"startTime":956.71,"endTime":961.0,"body":"condition myself before the"},{"startTime":961.0,"endTime":965.92,"body":"conversation, so that when I"},{"startTime":961.0,"endTime":965.92,"body":"feel those things happening, I"},{"startTime":965.92,"endTime":971.92,"body":"take a deep breath, maybe call a"},{"startTime":965.92,"endTime":971.92,"body":"timeout, and reorient or refocus"},{"startTime":971.92,"endTime":977.71,"body":"myself. I actually take a moment"},{"startTime":971.92,"endTime":977.71,"body":"to write down the warning signs."},{"startTime":978.88,"endTime":983.53,"body":"Things like, am I talking too"},{"startTime":978.88,"endTime":983.53,"body":"fast? Am I getting louder?"},{"startTime":984.4,"endTime":988.39,"body":"They're right there in front of"},{"startTime":984.4,"endTime":988.39,"body":"me. When I hear myself getting"},{"startTime":988.39,"endTime":992.98,"body":"louder, I know that that's a cue"},{"startTime":988.39,"endTime":992.98,"body":"to change myself. And to step"},{"startTime":992.98,"endTime":997.3,"body":"back. Remember what we said at"},{"startTime":992.98,"endTime":997.3,"body":"the beginning, we can only"},{"startTime":997.3,"endTime":1002.58,"body":"control ourselves, we can't"},{"startTime":997.3,"endTime":1002.58,"body":"control the other person. So if"},{"startTime":1002.58,"endTime":1006.27,"body":"you're not in control, how can"},{"startTime":1002.58,"endTime":1006.27,"body":"you expect them to be in"},{"startTime":1006.27,"endTime":1006.93,"body":"control?"},{"startTime":1008.43,"endTime":1011.43,"body":"There is a lot more involved in"},{"startTime":1008.43,"endTime":1011.43,"body":"Crucial Conversations than we"},{"startTime":1011.43,"endTime":1014.76,"body":"can cover in this 15 minute"},{"startTime":1011.43,"endTime":1014.76,"body":"podcast. So I'm going to"},{"startTime":1014.76,"endTime":1017.34,"body":"highlight a few of them and"},{"startTime":1014.76,"endTime":1017.34,"body":"encourage you to check out the"},{"startTime":1017.34,"endTime":1020.76,"body":"show notes. There's a clear list"},{"startTime":1017.34,"endTime":1020.76,"body":"in the show notes and a"},{"startTime":1020.76,"endTime":1023.97,"body":"reference to an outstanding"},{"startTime":1020.76,"endTime":1023.97,"body":"publication, a book called"},{"startTime":1024.39,"endTime":1028.77,"body":"Crucial Conversations. The"},{"startTime":1024.39,"endTime":1028.77,"body":"author is also wrote a sequel"},{"startTime":1028.77,"endTime":1032.34,"body":"book called crucial"},{"startTime":1028.77,"endTime":1032.34,"body":"confrontations. Hopefully you're"},{"startTime":1032.34,"endTime":1035.97,"body":"not there, where you need to"},{"startTime":1032.34,"endTime":1035.97,"body":"read that one as well. But it is"},{"startTime":1036.06,"endTime":1038.61,"body":"an excellent tool as a"},{"startTime":1036.06,"endTime":1038.61,"body":"complement to Crucial"},{"startTime":1038.61,"endTime":1045.57,"body":"Conversations. And it's when a"},{"startTime":1038.61,"endTime":1045.57,"body":"simple conversation isn't enough"},{"startTime":1045.9,"endTime":1049.74,"body":"that in fact, it's got to get to"},{"startTime":1045.9,"endTime":1049.74,"body":"that kind of tough period, or"},{"startTime":1049.74,"endTime":1054.39,"body":"confrontation. If we're properly"},{"startTime":1049.74,"endTime":1054.39,"body":"focused though, including things"},{"startTime":1054.39,"endTime":1058.59,"body":"like committing when you go into"},{"startTime":1054.39,"endTime":1058.59,"body":"the conversation to a mutually"},{"startTime":1058.59,"endTime":1063.93,"body":"positive outcome, we increase"},{"startTime":1058.59,"endTime":1063.93,"body":"our chances of success. We might"},{"startTime":1063.93,"endTime":1069.0,"body":"not agree on some or in fact,"},{"startTime":1063.93,"endTime":1069.0,"body":"many things. But we both agree"},{"startTime":1069.0,"endTime":1072.33,"body":"that the reason we're here is"},{"startTime":1069.0,"endTime":1072.33,"body":"because we need to get to a"},{"startTime":1072.33,"endTime":1076.56,"body":"certain space, we need to"},{"startTime":1072.33,"endTime":1076.56,"body":"recognize the purpose behind"},{"startTime":1076.56,"endTime":1080.25,"body":"that strategy, or possibly"},{"startTime":1076.56,"endTime":1080.25,"body":"invent a purpose between the two"},{"startTime":1080.25,"endTime":1086.04,"body":"of us, that becomes mutually"},{"startTime":1080.25,"endTime":1086.04,"body":"beneficial. And when you can"},{"startTime":1086.04,"endTime":1090.6,"body":"brainstorm new strategies for"},{"startTime":1086.04,"endTime":1090.6,"body":"getting to that place together."},{"startTime":1091.71,"endTime":1095.88,"body":"That's when you know that the"},{"startTime":1091.71,"endTime":1095.88,"body":"crucial conversation is working."},{"startTime":1097.77,"endTime":1100.32,"body":"But it all starts with both"},{"startTime":1097.77,"endTime":1100.32,"body":"agreeing that we're here to"},{"startTime":1100.74,"endTime":1106.74,"body":"achieve a certain outcome. How"},{"startTime":1100.74,"endTime":1106.74,"body":"we get there may differ. Our"},{"startTime":1106.74,"endTime":1112.05,"body":"opinions may not be the same."},{"startTime":1106.74,"endTime":1112.05,"body":"But we both need to agree that"},{"startTime":1112.05,"endTime":1114.78,"body":"the reason we're sitting"},{"startTime":1112.05,"endTime":1114.78,"body":"together or standing together,"},{"startTime":1114.99,"endTime":1118.71,"body":"the reason we're having this"},{"startTime":1114.99,"endTime":1118.71,"body":"conversation at all, is because"},{"startTime":1118.71,"endTime":1124.56,"body":"we both want a mutually"},{"startTime":1118.71,"endTime":1124.56,"body":"agreeable outcome. If the two of"},{"startTime":1124.56,"endTime":1127.56,"body":"you can't agree on that, well,"},{"startTime":1124.56,"endTime":1127.56,"body":"frankly, the conversation is"},{"startTime":1127.56,"endTime":1129.69,"body":"probably not going to go"},{"startTime":1127.56,"endTime":1129.69,"body":"anywhere."},{"startTime":1131.52,"endTime":1134.25,"body":"A third part of successfully"},{"startTime":1131.52,"endTime":1134.25,"body":"navigating through that tough"},{"startTime":1134.25,"endTime":1139.5,"body":"conversation is controlling you"},{"startTime":1134.25,"endTime":1139.5,"body":"stories. What are the stories"},{"startTime":1139.5,"endTime":1142.98,"body":"you're telling yourself? We all"},{"startTime":1139.5,"endTime":1142.98,"body":"tell ourselves stories all the"},{"startTime":1142.98,"endTime":1147.09,"body":"time, oh, that person's going to"},{"startTime":1142.98,"endTime":1147.09,"body":"react in a certain way. Oh, this"},{"startTime":1147.09,"endTime":1153.0,"body":"is gonna blow up in my face. Oh,"},{"startTime":1147.09,"endTime":1153.0,"body":"this is gonna be great. Brene"},{"startTime":1153.15,"endTime":1157.05,"body":"Brown, a best selling author and"},{"startTime":1153.15,"endTime":1157.05,"body":"researcher discusses the"},{"startTime":1157.05,"endTime":1161.82,"body":"importance of understanding that"},{"startTime":1157.05,"endTime":1161.82,"body":"we all have our own stories that"},{"startTime":1161.82,"endTime":1169.65,"body":"we think are true. And that make"},{"startTime":1161.82,"endTime":1169.65,"body":"up our reality. I want you to"},{"startTime":1169.65,"endTime":1172.38,"body":"think about that as we move"},{"startTime":1169.65,"endTime":1172.38,"body":"through this, and we start to"},{"startTime":1172.38,"endTime":1176.34,"body":"wrap up. Think about the stories"},{"startTime":1172.38,"endTime":1176.34,"body":"that you've gone over in your"},{"startTime":1176.34,"endTime":1182.4,"body":"head that you've probably told"},{"startTime":1176.34,"endTime":1182.4,"body":"yourself many times about this"},{"startTime":1182.46,"endTime":1188.82,"body":"upcoming crucial conversation,"},{"startTime":1182.46,"endTime":1188.82,"body":"for example. Again, I encourage"},{"startTime":1188.82,"endTime":1191.64,"body":"people to write things down"},{"startTime":1188.82,"endTime":1191.64,"body":"simply because it clears the"},{"startTime":1191.64,"endTime":1194.43,"body":"mind of trying to keep track of"},{"startTime":1191.64,"endTime":1194.43,"body":"all of them. But whether you"},{"startTime":1194.43,"endTime":1199.29,"body":"write them down or you just keep"},{"startTime":1194.43,"endTime":1199.29,"body":"them in your mind. review those"},{"startTime":1199.29,"endTime":1205.65,"body":"stories And then have an open"},{"startTime":1199.29,"endTime":1205.65,"body":"mind to be able to change the"},{"startTime":1205.65,"endTime":1209.31,"body":"stories if you need to. Because"},{"startTime":1205.65,"endTime":1209.31,"body":"you see many times those stories"},{"startTime":1209.31,"endTime":1213.99,"body":"we're telling ourselves are"},{"startTime":1209.31,"endTime":1213.99,"body":"based on our fears, or based on"},{"startTime":1213.99,"endTime":1220.74,"body":"our anxiety. They're not based"},{"startTime":1213.99,"endTime":1220.74,"body":"on reality. I read a stat some"},{"startTime":1220.74,"endTime":1224.28,"body":"time ago that said that 90% of"},{"startTime":1220.74,"endTime":1224.28,"body":"the things we worry about will"},{"startTime":1224.28,"endTime":1227.61,"body":"never come true. Those are"},{"startTime":1224.28,"endTime":1227.61,"body":"stories, we're telling"},{"startTime":1227.61,"endTime":1236.58,"body":"ourselves, I refer to those"},{"startTime":1227.61,"endTime":1236.58,"body":"stories, because they are part"},{"startTime":1236.58,"endTime":1242.19,"body":"of how we think. And you know,"},{"startTime":1236.58,"endTime":1242.19,"body":"at 65, I might have sometime"},{"startTime":1242.19,"endTime":1246.3,"body":"called those tapes in our head."},{"startTime":1242.19,"endTime":1246.3,"body":"Well, of course, in today's"},{"startTime":1246.3,"endTime":1248.67,"body":"world, we don't talk about"},{"startTime":1246.3,"endTime":1248.67,"body":"tapes, you may be of an era"},{"startTime":1248.67,"endTime":1251.82,"body":"where you're talking about the"},{"startTime":1248.67,"endTime":1251.82,"body":"CDs in your head, or the mp3 is"},{"startTime":1251.82,"endTime":1254.46,"body":"in your head, it doesn't really"},{"startTime":1251.82,"endTime":1254.46,"body":"matter what you want to refer"},{"startTime":1254.46,"endTime":1258.3,"body":"to, we're talking about those"},{"startTime":1254.46,"endTime":1258.3,"body":"stories that are part of our"},{"startTime":1258.3,"endTime":1263.46,"body":"makeup, and that we can expand"},{"startTime":1258.3,"endTime":1263.46,"body":"and, and glorify, and all of a"},{"startTime":1263.46,"endTime":1268.77,"body":"sudden, they become our reality."},{"startTime":1263.46,"endTime":1268.77,"body":"But in fact, they're not the"},{"startTime":1268.77,"endTime":1274.32,"body":"other person's reality. If"},{"startTime":1268.77,"endTime":1274.32,"body":"you've ever walked into a"},{"startTime":1274.32,"endTime":1277.98,"body":"meeting and said to yourself,"},{"startTime":1274.32,"endTime":1277.98,"body":"this is going to be a disaster,"},{"startTime":1279.0,"endTime":1283.11,"body":"or a conversation, this is gonna"},{"startTime":1279.0,"endTime":1283.11,"body":"go badly, I found that the"},{"startTime":1283.11,"endTime":1285.27,"body":"universe has a great sense of"},{"startTime":1283.11,"endTime":1285.27,"body":"humor. Oh, you think it's gonna"},{"startTime":1285.27,"endTime":1289.56,"body":"go badly? Fair enough. And it"},{"startTime":1285.27,"endTime":1289.56,"body":"goes badly. When we tell"},{"startTime":1289.56,"endTime":1294.0,"body":"ourselves a story that says,"},{"startTime":1289.56,"endTime":1294.0,"body":"I've mastered this, I'm able to"},{"startTime":1294.0,"endTime":1299.16,"body":"stay focused, I believe that we"},{"startTime":1294.0,"endTime":1299.16,"body":"can have a positive outcome. The"},{"startTime":1299.16,"endTime":1304.59,"body":"differences will be amazing. All"},{"startTime":1299.16,"endTime":1304.59,"body":"right. So what are the stories"},{"startTime":1304.59,"endTime":1308.91,"body":"we're telling ourselves? I can't"},{"startTime":1304.59,"endTime":1308.91,"body":"answer your stories, I can tell"},{"startTime":1308.91,"endTime":1312.06,"body":"you mine don't always serve me"},{"startTime":1308.91,"endTime":1312.06,"body":"well."},{"startTime":1313.26,"endTime":1317.07,"body":"And what I've discovered is if"},{"startTime":1313.26,"endTime":1317.07,"body":"you change the story, you can"},{"startTime":1317.07,"endTime":1324.03,"body":"change the outcome. So sometimes"},{"startTime":1317.07,"endTime":1324.03,"body":"we do need to stop and change"},{"startTime":1324.03,"endTime":1329.79,"body":"our stories. What is the story"},{"startTime":1324.03,"endTime":1329.79,"body":"that's actually being played"},{"startTime":1329.79,"endTime":1333.69,"body":"out? Not the one that we're"},{"startTime":1329.79,"endTime":1333.69,"body":"afraid will be played out."},{"startTime":1334.53,"endTime":1338.07,"body":"Getting back to facts, as"},{"startTime":1334.53,"endTime":1338.07,"body":"opposed to opinions, watching"},{"startTime":1338.07,"endTime":1342.12,"body":"out for those stories, and being"},{"startTime":1338.07,"endTime":1342.12,"body":"aware that we can be sabotaged"},{"startTime":1342.12,"endTime":1346.74,"body":"by our own stories. These are"},{"startTime":1342.12,"endTime":1346.74,"body":"all parts of ways that we can"},{"startTime":1346.74,"endTime":1350.19,"body":"get into the conversation. And"},{"startTime":1346.74,"endTime":1350.19,"body":"then the wrap up, part of that"},{"startTime":1350.19,"endTime":1353.52,"body":"crucial conversation involves"},{"startTime":1350.19,"endTime":1353.52,"body":"sharing your facts, the"},{"startTime":1353.52,"endTime":1358.68,"body":"analytical part of our thinking,"},{"startTime":1353.52,"endTime":1358.68,"body":"and telling you story. If you're"},{"startTime":1358.68,"endTime":1363.63,"body":"able to change your story, if"},{"startTime":1358.68,"endTime":1363.63,"body":"I'm able to change my story, I"},{"startTime":1363.63,"endTime":1366.42,"body":"can look through possible other"},{"startTime":1363.63,"endTime":1366.42,"body":"paths to take."},{"startTime":1367.86,"endTime":1373.2,"body":"Talking tentatively, in other"},{"startTime":1367.86,"endTime":1373.2,"body":"words, some What if thinking,"},{"startTime":1373.2,"endTime":1376.77,"body":"for example, what would happen"},{"startTime":1373.2,"endTime":1376.77,"body":"if we tried this? What would"},{"startTime":1376.77,"endTime":1382.05,"body":"happen if we tried that? So that"},{"startTime":1376.77,"endTime":1382.05,"body":"these aren't coming across as"},{"startTime":1382.08,"endTime":1386.88,"body":"hitting absolutes, but rather"},{"startTime":1382.08,"endTime":1386.88,"body":"exploring together possible"},{"startTime":1386.88,"endTime":1392.61,"body":"paths. You see, it's about"},{"startTime":1386.88,"endTime":1392.61,"body":"encouraging testing. Let's try"},{"startTime":1392.61,"endTime":1395.82,"body":"it out for a little while. Let's"},{"startTime":1392.61,"endTime":1395.82,"body":"see how it goes. Let's come"},{"startTime":1395.82,"endTime":1398.37,"body":"back, for instance, at the end"},{"startTime":1395.82,"endTime":1398.37,"body":"of the week, and see whether"},{"startTime":1398.37,"endTime":1401.64,"body":"things are any different. Those"},{"startTime":1398.37,"endTime":1401.64,"body":"are some of the ways we can"},{"startTime":1401.64,"endTime":1406.77,"body":"truly position success, as we"},{"startTime":1401.64,"endTime":1406.77,"body":"have those tough conversations."},{"startTime":1407.88,"endTime":1411.48,"body":"But I can guarantee you one"},{"startTime":1407.88,"endTime":1411.48,"body":"thing, if you invest time in"},{"startTime":1411.48,"endTime":1415.8,"body":"preparing for and thinking"},{"startTime":1411.48,"endTime":1415.8,"body":"through how to have those tough"},{"startTime":1415.8,"endTime":1421.41,"body":"conversations, it will not only"},{"startTime":1415.8,"endTime":1421.41,"body":"ease your peace of mind, and in"},{"startTime":1421.41,"endTime":1425.97,"body":"fact may create a friendship"},{"startTime":1421.41,"endTime":1425.97,"body":"that could last forever. But it"},{"startTime":1425.97,"endTime":1429.24,"body":"will also give you the courage"},{"startTime":1425.97,"endTime":1429.24,"body":"to have the conversation,"},{"startTime":1430.11,"endTime":1433.92,"body":"creating the right environment,"},{"startTime":1430.11,"endTime":1433.92,"body":"working on yourself, changing"},{"startTime":1433.92,"endTime":1437.76,"body":"your stories, allowing for"},{"startTime":1433.92,"endTime":1437.76,"body":"different possibilities and"},{"startTime":1437.76,"endTime":1438.9,"body":"different outcomes."},{"startTime":1440.31,"endTime":1443.28,"body":"In our next podcast, we're going"},{"startTime":1440.31,"endTime":1443.28,"body":"to have a look at some"},{"startTime":1443.49,"endTime":1447.57,"body":"possibilities as it comes to"},{"startTime":1443.49,"endTime":1447.57,"body":"goal setting and to make the"},{"startTime":1447.57,"endTime":1450.6,"body":"year ahead even better. And"},{"startTime":1447.57,"endTime":1450.6,"body":"although I'm recording these"},{"startTime":1450.6,"endTime":1453.75,"body":"near the end of the year, and"},{"startTime":1450.6,"endTime":1453.75,"body":"therefore thinking about next"},{"startTime":1453.75,"endTime":1458.04,"body":"year, there's never a bad time"},{"startTime":1453.75,"endTime":1458.04,"body":"to begin setting goals and"},{"startTime":1458.04,"endTime":1461.88,"body":"creating a strong vision. We"},{"startTime":1458.04,"endTime":1461.88,"body":"don't have to wait until January"},{"startTime":1461.88,"endTime":1466.41,"body":"1st to set ourselves goals to"},{"startTime":1461.88,"endTime":1466.41,"body":"succeed. If you want the next"},{"startTime":1466.41,"endTime":1468.81,"body":"three months to be better,"},{"startTime":1466.41,"endTime":1468.81,"body":"regardless of where you are in"},{"startTime":1468.81,"endTime":1471.57,"body":"the calendar and where you're"},{"startTime":1468.81,"endTime":1471.57,"body":"listening to this, some goal"},{"startTime":1471.57,"endTime":1475.11,"body":"setting tips might help. So join"},{"startTime":1471.57,"endTime":1475.11,"body":"us next time. And in the"},{"startTime":1475.11,"endTime":1479.22,"body":"meantime, check out the Episode"},{"startTime":1475.11,"endTime":1479.22,"body":"Notes on this podcast and dig"},{"startTime":1479.22,"endTime":1483.87,"body":"deeper into having successful,"},{"startTime":1479.22,"endTime":1483.87,"body":"Crucial Conversations. Stay"},{"startTime":1483.87,"endTime":1487.8,"body":"safe, stay healthy. The project"},{"startTime":1483.87,"endTime":1487.8,"body":"is counting on you"}]}