[00:01] Katie: Welcome to The Focus B Show, where Katie Stoddart, high performance coach, interviews experts around the world in performance and mindfulness. Now, here's your host. Katie.

[00:31] Katie: A very warm welcome to the Focus B show. I am thrilled today to be here with Alno Koleri. Al no is the CEO of Humaneava, a coach, an author, a storyteller multiple, TEDx speaker, and a great, great advocate and believer for happiness and passion. Thank you so much for being on the show today, Alno.

[00:53] Arnaud: Thank you so much. Glad to be here.

[00:56] Katie: You have gone through so many experiences, so many different jobs and professions, though it was really hard for me to pick just a few words to describe your experience. What is it that fuels you and drives you every day?

[01:11] Arnaud: Really reinventing myself. Like, what else can I be? What else can I discover about myself? How am I going to do in this time? How am I going to do with those people? I'm really both a student of myself and a student of the world, and I'm really fascinated by the life itself, life, as I guess, an experiment. On Facebook, I think I call myself. Experimenter. Life experimenter. Right. And this is really how I see myself. So, yeah, I think it's so fascinating to just observe yourself from an outsider and see what else who are you in this situation? And then every time I learn something new about myself or the world or people around me, that fuels me, right. People. For instance, I just came back after 20 years, back to France. I live in Bordeaux, we're launching a new project, and the new friends I'm making here now, they actually think this is going to be my life, that's it. I'm a startup guy and based in Bordeaux. And I told, no, no, this is going to be only for a few years. And then I'm not sure what I'm going to be in four or five years from now. But I'm already excited about it. I'm excited about the fact that I know I will change. And it doesn't mean I'm not focused while I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm focused. I mean, comes Monday morning, I'm just weekends. It's mostly for my three years old son now, but comes Monday morning, it's about work and that's it. And then starting maybe Thursday night, I'm starting to think about my next life in two, three years down the line. But during the day, I'm focused on whatever I'm doing now.

[02:52] Katie: Amazing. And I know you also wrote a book on this exact topic about reinventing yourself. So really it's about the experimenting process. I also know from one of your TEDx talks that you also went through a phase where things weren't going as well. And in this whole mix of experimenting, there were some lows. Could you tell us a bit more about these times and how you overcame this period?

[03:15] Arnaud: Sure. So, yeah, as you said, I had a few different lives in 2010, 2010, right? Win La. I'm still living in Los Angeles at the time, and I was a producer, comedian, screenwriter, somewhat actor at the time, appearing in things like Gilmore Girls and stuff like this as either the French lover of French weather, nothing else. America sees me as French weather of French lover. That's it. And at the time, I was doing less acting, I was doing more comedy, and I was doing more producing film. One of my film could not get distributed for the we could not get the distribution deals. And it was really tough. Like I'm like, finally I know who I am, right? I was 35 years old. And the problem is, in terms of, I guess self awareness is when you identify too much with what you think you are. So I was loving my life as a comedian, director, actor. I loved in La. Working out on the beach and meeting actor and writing and directing. Yet I was that. Yet I'm much more than that. So it's okay to embrace and love your life, yet you need to keep, I think, in the back of your mind that what you do is not just what you are, right? You're much more so what I did was fine, but the problem is when I went down, which means what I was doing was I was not successful, so it did not fulfill myself anymore. Then I thought, who am I? And I get really depressed. Plus, there was a lack of money at the time because I could not survive. There was no more money coming from what I was doing. Why am if I'm not what I think I am now? So I went for a period from 2010 to 2012 13. I had to rediscover myself once again. And I tried many things, and I was fascinating also, because that's when I went to Africa, and I did humanitarian work, and I was doing that in Tanzania. And then I went to South Africa, and I helped Tech Incubator. Get off the ground and many, many things. And I went back to Tokyo, and I was a nightclub promoter for a while. New lives, right? Yet it was a new process. I was searching for what was going to be my new thing from 2010 to two. But it was tough. I was depressed at moment and high at some. It took me two, three years to really go back up, right? And 2013, I'm in a tribe. I'm in Ecuador, spending one month in a tribe. And there I do believe in terms of understanding your life purpose, there is either what Japanese people call the kensho, which is the big gradual change of time, which means something big happened to you and it takes you a few years to get the process of it. Or there is what the Japanese call the satori. Satori is de conscience means those moments where you're just super conscious of what's happening, right? For me, I was in a tribe and all of a sudden I was listening the shaman talking. And this is where I'm going to be my next life. I'm not going to be a shaman because I'm not going to stay in South America just being half naked and with a fire. I just got married to my wife and there was just the idea of staying in a tribe for the rest of her. I'm like, okay, fine, fine, so let's go back to New York and I'll be a corporate shaman, which means I'll listen to employee tell the story of their life and within it, maybe I can help them to understand their purpose. And basically that's what I had done for like seven years, among other things. But one of the things I was doing, I was doing a lot of corporate workshop around storytelling. And then on the side I was doing this event called Stand Up for Passion. You can watch the YouTube channel where what I would do is we went around the world like Nepal, Japan, South America, and we would find the best story. We could find stories of transformation where people really change their mind, their idea of self, and decide, like I did many times, to just change life, and often with no means or very little means financially. They're just the power of this wheel and just decided, what if I were to change? What if I just change life? Now? Sometimes it takes a few weeks, a few months, sometime a few year, and it's fine, it doesn't have to be fast. But the process of change, I'm fascinated by it. So all those people I met, we helped them, I helped them mostly to find the story of transformation. What was that moment of life that pivot where everything changed? And I'm fascinated by this. So it's a long answer to your question, but hopefully we get to your question.

[08:39] Katie: That's such a beautiful explanation of your own transformation and your passion for the transformative process. Also really love the way you describe being a corporate shaman, basically as a coach, because I always feel that being a coach is like being a magician. And this is just like putting two or two together. I'm not the only person that sees this. It is like magic. Because getting to see that transformation, being a part of it, the results, even the whole energetical shift around it, is pure magic. And this is not something I often talk about. So it's nice to bring it up on the podcast.

[09:14] Arnaud: No, it's something I talk like this mostly on podcast and stuff. I don't always talk like this. When CEO hire me, I don't say I'm a corporation, but I am, right? I mean, they see it on my books, on podcast, but not on, let's say, the one to one sales pitch, let's say. But it's exactly, I mean, when you mentioned energy Vibration one time, I was and I encourage you to go to that event if you have not been yet. In Amsterdam. Every year they do a huge Happiness Festival. I don't know if you know that it's produced by the Happiness Magazine. I don't know if you know it. Happiness Magazine is the number one magazine in Holland, and it's actually bigger than Business Magazine or Feminine magazine. In this festival, 10,000 people come every year. Fascinating. And I had the chance to be invited in 2000. I'd say, I don't know, 17, maybe 2017, 2018. And we were 63 speakers. So a lot of conference, right. At the time. That was before my book was 2017, because I was the only speaker. We had not published a book at the time, so I remember that. And they liked, we hire you despite the fact that you have not written a book. Which was funny. Which was funny. I'm like. Okay. Thank you. My God, I had a blast. It's such wonderful people there. And a Dutch guy, somehow I don't know how I met him at the festival, but I was doing two workshop, and before I do the second workshop, he told me, do you allow me to calculate measurate the vibration of the room before and after you do something? And I'm like, sure, why not? I'm open to new experience. Just before his speech, it was like, 60 people maybe in my workshop at the time. And he came, and he's like, I don't know how he does that. That's his work, right? Work with Energy vibration. So he sort of put his hand and tried to feel the energy of the room. And then I do my thing for, like, an hour, and it's always very interactive. I love to have people talk and stuff and interact. And after I had left, he came, put his hand, and he saw, like, whatever it was, like, 300% or whatever. I mean, there is no certification or science, and I never talked about it except today. Right? There is no, hey, guys, look at the vibration of the room. I did. But I do believe there is a change of vibration. I do believe there's a change of energy. And this is someone, which is maybe what you're doing as well. Someone in us called me the fire starter. Whenever I do a workshop, my goal is just to create the fire, right? And my goal is to help them understand how we put the fire. And it's up to you guys to keep the flame going on, right? So ignite it. And then your goal as a corporate culture is to make sure it's always as positive as high by many tools, like respecting everyone and making sure everyone has a voice, right? Everyone is respected, and then you play with that energy around. But yeah, there's certainly something to be said for energy.

[12:51] Katie: Yes, that's for sure. And I know exactly what you're saying in terms of the energy in a room. And I think people can feel it when you go in a room and there's been an argument, or if you go in a room and people are happy, there's just a quality somehow. It's hard to explain. And I think we need a certain type of awareness to pick up on it. But once we do learn to pick up on these things, we can't ignore them. Anyway, I'd like to come back to happiness. You've mentioned it a few times already, and I know that it's a topic that is dear to you that you talk about a lot and that is very linked to what we're saying about starting fires. I'm wondering what are some of the greatest myths in terms of happiness, some of the greater things that people believe that aren't actually true?

[13:36] Arnaud: The first myth, of course, is happiness is just about being joyful all the time. I mean, I'm usually joyful if you see me in parties or at work. Usually I'm a smiling guy and I like to say hi and talk to people, but I can have my down days, right? So for me, anyway, being happy is being real. Being real with your emotion, really real, and being authentic with your goals, with where you are now, right? I do believe people are happy. Otherwise we always say align with your values. But for me, aligned with your values is really aligned with your priorities. You know where you are now, you know where you at, why and why you are where you are right now. Right? I was telling you now we have a new project in Bordeaux, and for me, it's clear, it's exactly what I need to do now. Hopefully it's going to work as great as I want, but this is what I have to do now, right? I'm clear. And I think as long as you're clear with your priorities, your basic happiness is there. So first, that it's not about being just joyful every day, even though showing and being grateful and searching for joy is part of it. And two, that really for me, happiness is about being aligned with your value, but at least being aligned with your priority in your life. And then third, that happiness, I'd say, is really to connect to others in terms of impact, right? So as long as you provide impact in people's life around you, usually you're happy. I mean, it's really hard to find people who give joy to people, right? And it doesn't have to be a coach or life coach. It can just be, of course, a teacher of some sort or just a baker, someone who greets people every day, just provide good for somebody else. Then that person is a happiness provider. So that's what I have to say now. And if we go to I mean, I can talk on and on for this subject, of course, I've done hundreds of conference on it. But if we go to the field of happiness at work for a second if you want it's really for me, I break it down on two things every time is how can you provide, create, look for the joy true. And then how can you provide purpose on a daily basis? Right? So always coming back to the why and the why of your product, your team, your company and then you can break down what is joy is and what is purpose. But as long as you are providing energy, increasing joy, searching for joy, creating joy and in terms of understanding your purpose, providing purpose for others, then you're good.

[16:46] Katie: Again, this is so beautifully put. I'm taking two main points about what you said in terms of happiness, individual happiness, which it sounded to me like integrity and impact. So there was a brave part about integrity and the impact we have now. I'll be curious sort of indirectly to know if maybe this is because for you these are the things that bring you most happiness or if it's in general for all of us.

[17:10] Arnaud: It's always a tricky so it's a tricky one because I do believe for most people it's about integrating impact. Yet I'm totally aware of there's no really study about it but it seems I don't know what is it? Let's say 1015 percent of people really are just happy being, let's say, in a consumer society and just going out and buying a car when they need it and just being with their family like simple pleasure without impact being, let's say, a normal person. Yeah, normal person, normal tool in the consumer society means I'm just giving you a clear example. I'll say one of my friend and I can't say he's a very happy guy he used to be a finance guy. Now he's not in finance anymore because of the cris he found under the work. He make enough money, not huge money, but he find enough money to provide for his two kids. He's going out, he's drinking his beer every night. Not too much, but just he needs to have his beer every night and he doesn't have deep conversation about life. He's 50 years old, he doesn't get this side. He's a very good friend of mine for 20 years but he doesn't get that side of myself right. Need to be purpose oriented, question about life he doesn't get it and honestly, he doesn't need it. He's really happy and he's a good dad and he's not even doing sports which it's a basic of health and life. I'm into sports, I need to do sports every day. I know the importance of sports. The guy has probably what we call there's a DNA of happiness. Many studies show that basically some people are just born happy. No matter what happened to them, crisis or no, they all stayed the same and there's super high level of just happiness. It's not like resilience, it's something else. We can go into resilience, but it's really this sort of a basis of happiness, which, no matter what, they have some sort of accumulated joy, often from childhood, often from a mom that was really loving and caring from them. Not always, but often those people, and they have just happy goal, lucky people. So those 10% doesn't need right, they just follow life and they autopilot and they don't need coach, they don't need to read book about purpose, and they don't need what you and I love and fulfill our lives. Those guys, they are on a sort of a topic. And then there is the other kind of people, men or women, same thing. It's about five 8% of the population were totally psychopath. And it's huge. I mean, it's five 8%. Well, basically, whatever emotion you give to them have no effect on them. They have no connection to their own emotion and emotion in others. And for them also, they are on sort of an autopilot. But those guys, they can just stay as an Otaku, stay in a room by themselves and playing video games. It doesn't mean that people play video games are psychopaths. I never say that, right? But it means whatever they do, they don't need nothing else and they don't need lulian social. They don't need the social connection we need. So it's about 20% of people on both ends. So, like the super happy people, no matter what, they have their own bubble of joy. And then those people who don't need emotion, if you put away those 20%, I guess 80% of people need what I talked about. So everyone else need to understand themselves, to know where they can find joy, where they can find energy. So finding energy, know where you can find energy based on your personality, is a big part of happiness, right? So some of us find energy in sports. I do, I need it. Some find energy in talking to people. I do, I need it too. I'm happy to speak to you and love it. It gives me energy to know someone else in my field and interest in what I do and be interested in what you do. So I know what I need to have joy and happiness. But many people, they say about 20% of people do not know themselves enough. They never take a pause to understand what makes them happy. I mean, I was coaching the other day in Bordeaux, an executive woman, 50 years old, and with what happened, the COVID as many people, all of a sudden there's the pause button and oh my God, what has been running through my veins? What's driving me? She had no understanding. Even though she's an executive woman, she's managing a lot of people, very successful, beautiful, two, three kids. I mean, life was good living in Bordeaux. Yet she never pushed the pause button. And reflect on her life, how she's doing, what she's doing, what impact she has on others, what is the rhythm of her life, what is the energy of life? Never until now. And she's like, because she has time at home, she's working from home, she kept her job, but she's like, oh my God. Basically, she has no idea. So it's fascinating. Right now I'm launching my platform, but I'm still involved somewhat in coaching, with some personal coaching and some group coaching. So, for instance, every Friday night, I help ten female coach to become coach. Basically, they're all in their early 40s. They've been certifying coaching about a year ago. And now they want to really make it their career and be really successful. Many of them were very successful in their business career, make the change. And one of them was not a business coach. She was a director of big restaurants, huge restaurant. And all of a sudden with COVID she also had to face herself, right. Alone in her apartment with her two kids. She's like, what am I doing for the last 20 years? Okay, I was really good at managing a restaurant, but is it really me? Did I have an impact? What was the purpose of alone? And she doesn't regret, but she's like, so grateful the pause button has been on. So finally she can reflect on her life. And she really think, like, oh, my God, maybe I need to create a life on purpose. It doesn't mean that just managing a restaurant is bad. It means for her, she needs more than this. And for some people, managing a restaurant their whole life can be great, and it can be their purpose. That's their purpose. But for her, she understood it's not her purpose. She did it because she just fell into it. She was good at it. She's very extrovert. People love her. She know how to manage a team. It worked, but it's maybe not what she meant to be in this lifetime. So she's switching completely, and it's fascinating. She get to know herself. I get to meet a lot of people just in the midst of understanding themselves. And for me, it's a big part of happiness, knowing yourself, knowing what's bringing you its energy, knowing what fills your heart, right? Yeah.

[25:26] Katie: Essentially, what you're saying is a lot of people have lived their lives on autopilot, and now that this pause button has just arrived, it forces them to confront maybe what impact they're having. Are they living with purpose? Is it bringing them joy and meaning? And so in some ways, this is a blessing in disguise for some people, because it's an opportunity for them to raise their self awareness, to finally look deeper inside and look for the meaning. Of course, this can lead to huge discoveries that can be hard for some people to cope with, such as, what have I been doing the last 20 years? Does this make sense? Is this aligned? But isn't it better to find this out now than in another 20 years in your career?

[26:08] Arnaud: I know, right? Most people, the science of change basically is tough. 90% of people don't want to change unless there's a crisis. They don't want, they don't like, right? I love it, I'm dressed. But most people did not made that way, right? And it always comes like, I don't want to change. I was working for a company here in Abu Dhu, a big company, as a coach in residence for the last six months. It was a six month mission, and I was working half day a week. And just as coach in residence. And what I proposed to the company is during the whole COVID period, what I'm going to do is I'm just going to be a sounding board for those people. Like sort of an empathy sounding board. They're just going to expose their challenges, their mental trauma, if any. And I'll just listen and maybe open to some solution, but just mainly listen, be there for them. And I remember one of those women, 50 years old, she's like, I might be fired with what happened, I don't want to be fired. I'm like, yeah, but it's possible the company, but no money. You will be okay to survive. No, I will not. I don't want to be I'm like, let's work on you're going to be okay. Let's work on accepting and you be okay. So it took me a couple of weeks, but she understood that basically we went for a life story and she understood how skilled she's in so many field that no matter what, she'll be okay. So I say what I want you to. We don't know if you're going to be fired. My goal is, I hope you're not going to be fired. But I have no control on this. You have no control. If there is absolutely no money in the company, it's going to be tough. Let's work on scenario number one. You keep in the company. What else can you do in the company? What else you can propose that for the company it's worth to keep you. And let's work on scenario number two, where in case they no longer need you, not because they don't like you, because they just can't afford a salary. And it took maybe two, three weeks. But to accept and to understand through basically listening to her own life story through my mouth, my words, she's like, oh, I'll be fine. And thanks God she's still in the company and it's fine. But at least she did a mental shift that I will be fine no matter what, and I accept what maybe. And I understand it's tough, especially for 45, 50 years old people who've been staying a company for 10, 15, 20 years might have two kids that they might no longer be necessary in a COVID time. It's tough, but the day you accept the situation and it's a really relief. And now she was happy and we can even talk about energy. Maybe it was because she was okay with no matter what, that she actually kept the job, right, because she was fine. And then she was so relaxed and she proposed idea and they kept her maybe spiritually also working. But I think it's so linked, definitely.

[29:36] Katie: It's so true. I feel that it's when you learn to let go and accept that no matter what, things will be okay, that things even improve and you get more successful because you're not hanging onto it. And this is also something you shared at the beginning in terms of identity. And when you had that identity sort of clinging and you managed to let go, and then you were able to overcome it and change. And it's interesting what you were sharing right now with this client, because it reminds me of one of the episodes I went through with one of my clients. And essentially it comes down to this, helping them to know how resourceful they are. And once they know they are resourceful, once they remember how often they have overcome challenges in the past, it makes it so much easier for them to confront it. And one last point regarding change, because you also talked a lot about people being reluctant to change. I feel that it's a mindset, and in your case, in my case, a bit less than you, but also in my case, we've embraced this sort of change mindset. I know that in my case, it came from working at sea, having to be flexible, things changing a last minute, suddenly being in the middle of a storm. You can't work or sleep, and you have to adapt. And so learning this adapting process can help us to manage change more effectively. And unfortunately for a lot of people, they're not actually put in circumstances and they don't seek circumstances to favor this sort of change in their lives.

[31:02] Arnaud: Yeah, I mean, you said it all. It's exactly this you sum it up. Did we have to see as an amazing metamorphos. It's a beautiful word. We say it in English, right? Metamorphosis. Metamorphosis. We transform, we get better. I spent four years in Japan, and in Japan there's something in terms of resilience called the art of kinsugi. I don't know if you've heard about it. It's a fascinating concept as a coach yourself, you're going to love it. And it's the fact that actually broken, you're actually worth even more. You're more beautiful, right? You have scars. You really like a person, especially as you grow older, right? When I say for you, for you, for me, for everyone, a person becomes beautiful when he or she has the scars of life, right? It's not being like just one way. It's boring. It's one line people, right? I don't get fascinated by those people, no matter how successful. They are if they're not honest with their vulnerability, with their failure. I'm bored, right? I want to feel that. Of course, I love successful people, but successful people would love to be honest about what happened in the past, which was tough and what may be still tough, what lies ahead, right? Someone said there is no success or even happy people with an easy past, it doesn't happen. So to keep that in mind, right? And people said, just be okay with your paradox, your hurdles, your obstacles. This is what's going to make you if I even go back to one of my life. I was a stand up comedian for a few years in La. And my teacher at the time said, arnold, you're too happy to be funny. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, well, you're young, you hang out in the beach, beautiful girlfriends, you're just working out. And it seems life is just cool with you. You'll become a better comedian when obstacles start to come your way. I still remember to this day when he told me, I thought that was strange, but he was right, right? And then when life few years later got a bit more difficult in some way, oh, I can actually be funnier because it's real, right? It's raw. Your words have more meaning, they have more grounding. You know where you're coming from in terms of person, you know, it's not a given. Like nothing is given to you, right? I think you also grow up as a and I can speak for myself. You become an adult when you understood that, you understand that no one deserve anything. You don't deserve anything more than anyone else, right? I mean, I speak for myself. I remember until probably late 30s, almost, I thought, I'm such a cool guy, cool things should happen to me, right? I deserve cool things just because I'm a cool guy. Well, no, life doesn't happen. No one's going to give you anything for free like this. Nothing's going to fall on your lap. I think some people get really lucky, but most we have to go through the grinding and the hustle. And this is where you become deep. And I think probably before had tough things happening to me, I was probably not that deep as a guy, right? Paulie was a bit superficial in some way. That's when I became, I think, handsome in terms of life. When I got to oh, my God. And then also the day you understood, you for me, anyway, I can speak for myself again. The day you understood, oh, my God, I'm not so smart, actually. I'm like, oh, ****, I thought I was like a genius or something. I'm like, oh, no, there's much smarter people than me everywhere. But it's okay, I can learn from them. And I know my difference, I know my genius points, right? But it takes you a few years to just we all genius in some way. It's all of us. I was working with a coach the other day and after three years of coaching, she's like she said, Can I have a private review? Because I don't understand what's the difference between me and every other coaches out there. She could not. And we talked about it and we found it in 90 minutes. What was her singularity right? The one thing she was better than everyone at doing. And I'm like, Just focus on this now, just sell it, just work on this with your client. And it's only been a few weeks now. She's doing well. It's only been a few weeks, but I can't wait. What's going to happen in a few months? In a few years now she understand her added value in life, right? But I'm talking about so many things. I don't know. Is that what you want? No.

[36:30] Katie: It's so wonderful. I loved everything you said, especially the bit about the scars making our depth and making us beautiful. Later on, we've already arrived at the end of the show and I just want to talk, like, forever and ever. I just think it's so interesting. But I'm just like you. I get a lot of energy from speaking with people. I actually realized at one point that my main form of procrastination was just going around and talking with people instead of doing my work. Thank you so much. I feel it's such a great point to finish on, sort of reminding people that all the struggles and it was actually something I also wanted to talk about how failures and happiness are linked. And indirectly we went there. Indirectly you ended up saying that the depth comes from these failures and struggles and hustling and it's what makes us beautiful. So I think this is really wonderful. Thank you.

[37:18] Arnaud: Thank you so much.

[37:19] Katie: Thank you. Bye.

[37:21] Katie: Thank you for listening to the Focus B show. We would love to hear your feedback. Let us know in a review how this episode inspired you. Keep buzzing.