[00:01] Katie: Welcome to the Focus B show, where Katie Stoddart, high performance coach, interviews experts around the world in performance and mindfulness. Now here's your host. Katie.

[00:32] Katie: Welcome to a brand new episode of The focusBY Show. I'm thrilled to be here today with Simon. Alexander ung. Simon is an award winning life and executive coach. A business strategist and a public speaker, he helps leaders, entrepreneurs, organizations and celebrities to transcend limitations and experience extraordinary transformation. Hi, Simon, welcome to the show. It's wonderful to have you here.

[01:02] Simon: Katie, thank you so much for having me on this show of yours.

[01:06] Katie: It's a real pleasure. And we both have the Coaching Academy as our background, so that's always a fun sort of anecdotal part. Speaking of which, how did your journey with coaching start? Why did you get into coaching? How did this happen for you?

[01:22] Simon: Sure. So, Katie, when I look back at my journey to date, it really started in 2008, just a year before 2008. In middle of 2007, I had landed my first job after graduation. That was a journey in itself because I failed a year at university. I lost my mum at the age of 19. So just landing that first job was, for me, a huge achievement. Unfortunately, that first job was in the financial services sector, so probably not the best timing. And that company that I began my career with was Lehman Brothers, which collapsed into administration in September 2008. So the reason I say my journey really began in 2008 is because I had the unexpected opportunity to step back and reflect on what I really wanted to do in life. Up until this point, life was very linear. Now, what I mean by linear, it was get a good job, get promoted, maybe move to a better company for higher pay, start a family, have children, and so on. The traditional path in life, if you will. But when I was faced with the prospect of redundancy, with having to review all of my career plans at such short notice, not often you start your first job and within a year you've got to rethink your entire career. I'm not going to lie, it was very scary at the time to have all of your plans brushed away from under your feet. But as I said, it gave me this opportunity to reflect on what success meant to me, what sort of impact I wanted to have in the world. And I realized through this experience, with the beauty of hindsight, actually, that many of us are exhausted because we're busy running someone else's life and living up to someone else's definition of success, and we're not spending enough time to go inward to understand those definitions for ourselves. And I discovered once we do, once we begin to understand those definitions, the challenge is then to build our life around those answers. And that's what happened for me. That's what led to me enrolling at the Coaching Academy I started experimenting with a number of different ideas. Two ideas I started didn't work. I sat down, I wrote lessons that I took away from them. And then I remember coming across an advert for a two day course happening in my city, talking all about coaching. And now I've always been one that has enjoyed helping other people in every shape or form, whether that's helping them to land a job in the industry they're looking to break into or helping them with their relationship issues. And so I thought this could be an interesting event to attend, just to see what it's about and to see if it's something I wanted to pursue further. After that two day weekend, I came home and I remember saying to my fiance, and I said to her, I think there's something to this. I think if I signed up to this course, maybe I can switch my career to coaching. And that's really where it began. I followed my curiosity. I believe there is wisdom in our curiosities. I followed it. And so I signed up. I studied for two years. I completed two of the qualifications there and then, as they say, the rest is history. Taking that out to the outside world. I slowly transitioned from working for a company to then working for myself, coaching individuals, to now coaching groups, speaking at companies, speaking at events, and writing my first book. So it's been a hell of a ride since then.

[05:21] Katie: Katie, that's amazing. It gave me goosebumps. And it was so wonderful to hear your take on that Free Today event, because this is something I mentioned when I've been interviewed. So it's so nice to see that. That is such a powerful transformation for so many people when they first discover coaching, and it feels totally aligned, and then they sign up. So that was just amazing. And now that you have your coaching business and your coaching people and groups, what you help them most with?

[05:51] Simon: Sure. So when I first started, Katie, as I'm sure many coaches do, or anyone in business, for that matter, is anyone for me, I regarded a client. If you wanted to be coached, I'll coach you. And it was to help me build my experience as a coach over the years, where my focus has evolved into are those in leadership positions. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean you're working for a company. Leadership positions can be if you're in the corporate world. It can be if you're running a business, if you're an entrepreneur, if you're a leader within a community. All of these are leadership positions. So that's where my focus evolved into. And when I think about how I help people, it's really helping them to unleash their full potential, because I think very few of us are living at or close to our full potential. We're flying very low beneath where our potential is. And so where I come in is to help guide people to live more from that potential rather than trying to fit in with everyone else.

[07:03] Katie: So amazing, so beautiful. What do you feel holds people back from living at their full potential?

[07:13] Simon: A word came straight to my mind when you asked that question, Katie, and that was the word fear. When I think about fear, what I tend to hear from clients and people, more generally speaking, are things such as fear of failure, fear of things not working out, fear of making the wrong choice. But in my time of working with clients and speaking to audiences and companies, what I discovered is that at a deeper level, we can link this all back to one deep, underlying fear, and that is the fear of being judged. It is the fear of being judged. So if you have a fear of failure, it's really the fear of being judged as a failure by someone else, whether they are your parents, your friends, or your loved ones. Again, if it's the fear of not making the right choice, it comes back to the fear of being judged. And this all links back to our ego. We all have an ego inside of us. And so the real fear is your ego not being proven right, your ego not being happy. But when we can quieten the ego and cultivate the guide within and focus on what is our true self and appreciate that, we will make mistakes. We're human. No one is perfect. Not you, not me, not your loved ones, not anyone that inspires you. We're human, and that means we make mistakes. But that is also what will make you the person you can become. Because if you're able to learn from those mistakes, if you're humble enough to look for the lesson contained within each of these experiences, you will have the fuel required to move forward and change the trajectory of your future. But it comes down to you understanding the role of your ego and the fact that at a deep level, it is really your fear of being judged. Imagine for a moment, as an example, imagine for a moment how free and light you feel when the opinions of others don't matter, when the opinion that matters is your own opinion, and when the only progress that really makes the difference is, am I better than who I was yesterday? Not Am I better than anyone else, but am I better than who I was yesterday? Because that is progress. And slow progress is always better than no progress.

[09:46] Katie: Absolutely. And I also feel that when people manage to let go a bit of this fear of being judged, then they can hear themselves better. Because we're constantly bombarded with so many opinions and points of view and perspectives, it can make it hard to tune into what people really want or how they want to go about things. So letting go of that fear of judgment can help people to find this. And speaking of which getting better every day. This makes me think of the importance of habits compared to goals which personally I discovered thanks to James Clear and his book Atomic Habits. What's your perspective on this? Why do you feel that habits and systems are so important?

[10:28] Simon: Sure. The way that I came to understand importance of habits versus goals is really through observation. And also I've read the same book you've mentioned, Tommy Habits. It's a fantastic book that helps explain the theory behind the role of habit. But for me, I remember observing friend of mine and just to add some examples to it, there was one friend of mine who trained to be a black belt in karate. And once he achieved the black belt, which was the goal, he didn't train as hard or as often because he had already now achieved the goal. And when you look at sports teams you know, whether that's football or rugby or any team sport, what you'll notice is that it's easy to win that first trophy but it's a lot harder to win it again and again and again. And what this told me is it all comes back to goals because they may have set a goal for being a black belt or for winning that trophy. But the question I had once I heard and saw these examples is what next? What happens when you've won that black belt, when you've got that trophy? And I noticed that what tends to happen is people get complacent, they forget why they did it, what got them there and revert back to their old habits. It's the same when people run a marathon. You run a marathon, your goal is to finish the marathon to raise money for charity. But then all that work you put in is suddenly wasted when you revert back to your previous lifestyle. So what I realized is that if we want to experience sustainable success over the long term, this is where habits come in. Because something that James Clear said is that habits set you up to win again and again and again while goals set you up to win once. And so once you've got these again you can call these habits non negotiable rituals or standards. There's so many terms for them but ultimately they are the things that you do day in and day out that will compound over time to your success. When people talk about what is the secret to success I'm sure we can come up with lots of different answers. But I think that one of them would be that the secret to success is located in your daily routine. Because if you want to research someone and think well, what made them the person they are today? Well, simply look at their habits. What are they doing day in, day out without fail. Good habits are hard to make but easy to live with. Bad habits are easy to make, but over time are hard to live with.

[13:14] Katie: That's so true. I'm wondering what type of habits do you have? I'm thinking you're saying that this is essential to be successful, for instance, to use a generic term. So what are some of your key daily habits?

[13:32] Simon: Sure, so I have a few and they would change depending on seasons and circumstances, but at a very basic level. The first is exercise. For me, I call this a cornerstone habit, simply because the impact it has downstream. So that means when I exercise I feel in a much more positive, energetic state and that means how I respond to the day's challenges, the obstacles and potential setbacks will be very different to if I didn't exercise and I wasn't in that peak state. So exercise for me is very important because it had such a powerful impact downstream on all other areas of my life. And that doesn't have to be an intense workout. It can be something as simple as going for a walk in nature, going for a swim, going for a run, cycling, hitting the gym. You've got to be creative. Don't automatically think exercise should be a gym, otherwise you won't do it. You've got to choose activities that resonate with you, that you enjoy and that will be different for each of know. I've got a friend of mine, Sophie Radcliffe, and she doesn't like the gym, so she does all of her exercise outdoor, whether that's cycling from London to Paris or climbing mountains or hiking in the wild. That for her, is her exercise. The second one for me is reading. It's a fundamental habit. Now, I'm using reading here as a catch all term, katie so reading isn't just reading a physical book, it's reading an ebook, it's listening to a podcast, it's listening to an audiobook. It's any medium that allows you to assimilate new information and use that to the betterment of yourself. So that's what I'm referring to there. And the third is, for me, one of the most powerful ones that helped me build my business, and that is to have a habit of constantly building your network and your relationships. This is a powerful one, especially if you are in a leadership position or if you are in the business world. So when I first started my journey as a coach, one of my habits, which is still a habit today, is every week to be connecting with new people, new people who are doing amazing things, who are doing incredible work, who I feel can inspire me in some way. Now, the goal here is not to do business with them. When we think about relationships, we tend to go, oh, what's in it for me? And I think that's not the best way to build relationships because they'll be very short term and very short lasting. The key is to just get into the habit of building relationships and over time, the answers will come to you of how you can be of service. You may not know straight away, but the more people you get to meet, especially when it's from diverse backgrounds. So, you know, just as an example, in the last few months I've caught up with a film director, a musician, a game designer, a tech entrepreneur, a fellow coach, a CEO, people from very different backgrounds but doing incredible things. Because when you're constantly building your relationships and your networks, what happens is, one, you get inspired. Two, you get to think differently because you have different stimuli of thinking entering into your ecosystem. And third, you have access to opportunities you may not have otherwise had before. Because people get to hear what you do, you also get to hear what they do. And at some point, again, not necessarily straight away, you will see opportunities for synergies to occur.

[17:20] Katie: That is true. Such a valid point. And also, I feel what you said beforehand about people aim to create new relationships with only business in mind. And sometimes it's surprising how the business comes when you don't have that intention. So sometimes the relationships you start thinking business, maybe you just stay in touch, nothing happens. But then the friend of the friend or someone you meet in another context turns into business. So that's why I find it so important, this sort of detachment from the business, just creating relationships and then just seeing where that goes. This also makes me think of what we discussed a bit off air, which is the importance of the environment. Because here you're creating a very eclectic environment that's a huge source of inspiration. So why do you feel that the environment is so important for the way we grow and think, especially when we have our own business?

[18:19] Simon: Definitely environment is critically important if you want to progress in any area of your life or business. Even more so if you are running your own business. Because if you go to work at a company, the company has a great culture, you enjoy working with your colleagues, then that's a great environment. But when you're working on your own to build a business, very often there is no environment, it's just you and the business. And so you've got to curate your own environment. And what you put into your environment will shape your thinking and what you see as possible. And I've talked about reading before. I mean books, what you watch, what you listen to, who you follow on social media, who you spend time with. All of these are inputs to your environment, even the physicality of your environment, and to share with you an example from a client of mine. I remember when we first worked together, he works in the legal field and I challenged him to plan his week not from his kitchen, but to plan his week from a luxurious hotel lobby ordering a cup of tea and planning his week in that setting for at least an hour. And what happened is he sent me some photos and he said, Simon, I never felt so inspired planning my week at the Ritz Hotel in London with a cup of tea, surrounded by wealth, surrounded by success and what can be possible. I walked out not only with a plan for the week ahead, but my mind bathed in possibility. And again, that shows you the impact of environment. We've got to carve time out in our diary to not only reflect on our current environment, but to understand how can we optimize and upgrade it in ways that will help us move forward. So that requires us to regularly ask ourselves, is my current environment one that is energizing me or limiting and draining my energy to move forward and achieve some of the biggest goals and dreams that I have? If it isn't, what must change and then go about changing it? Because when I look at my entrepreneurial journey specifically, it was because I've been part of things such as mastermind groups or online communities or other in person communities that have really helped me to challenge my thinking and hold me to a higher standard.

[20:55] Katie: Yes, there are so many different facets to the environment, but between the actual physical space, but the people you're with and all the information you absorbed, it's amazing how many different things can shift our perception. And sometimes it's a detail. Sometimes I catch myself reading a really small line on LinkedIn and it shifts my state and I think, whoa, okay back. But I noticed this. But it also works the other way around. So you can also, maybe by being in the Ritz Hotel or by having a conversation with someone inspiring like yourself during a podcast, being like, wow, okay, that shift my state that way. So all these things can really affect us in different ways. I'm wondering, how do you think people can encourage this? How do you think people can actually, first of all, set time for reflection? Because you also mentioned at the beginning that this was sort of fundamental part of your journey when you had the chance or was almost forced to have this time for reflection. So how do you think people should go about doing this?

[22:03] Simon: Well, first of all, you've got to ask yourself, is what you want to accomplish in your life, whatever that is. We all have a different vision of what we want to accomplish. Is that important enough to you? Because if it is, you will carve out time to reflect, to plan, and to strategize. If not, well, the first thing to sort out is your priorities. I saw a popular post on social media recently that said most people will very quickly spend $1,000 on the latest iPhone but won't invest $1,000 in their own self education. Most people will watch a Netflix series over the entire weekend but not spend that same time reading in order to feed their mind with the right nutrition. And some people will, you know, I don't have time to reflect, but they have time to scroll endless newsfeeds on their social media. And so first stage is it comes down to prioritization. Do you have your priorities straight? Because what you tell me doesn't tell me what your priorities are. Your actions tell me what your priorities are. So you've got to look at your actions and say, do they reflect what I tell myself and what I tell others is important to me? Are they aligned? Because if not, that's the first thing you've got to address. Now, the second thing is you got to look at your schedule and think, well, when's the best time for me to schedule this opportunity to reflect? It's not a question of just going, here's a spare hour I'm going to put in my diary, because that hour could be the morning after you've had a long night partying not the best use of that 1 hour. This is where energy is important. You've got to look at your week and think, well, at what point of my week am I going to be the most energized, the most positive and the most upbeat? Because that's the best time to start reflecting and planning your life and your career. So then that's when you should be scheduling your hour or however long you need to start planning and strategizing. And the third thing I will share is get into the habit of building momentum. And it's because when you look at the most successful individuals in the world, they will share a lot of common characteristics. But the one characteristic all of them share is this strong bias towards action, this strong bias towards action. So once you've got this plan together, once you've got your ideas on paper, circle just one action that you are going to take immediately. That can be right away or within the next couple of hours, because once you've got one action done, guess what? You're excited to want to take the next step and the next step and the next step, but it's getting that first step done in the first place. So those are three thoughts I would share on that.

[25:08] Katie: Katie, fantastic and so true about what you said regarding priorities, how they're seen in our actions and not what we say is important. And this is a great insight, I think, for a lot of people to actually take a moment and look, how are they spending their days, how are they spending their weeks, and does it align with what they feel are their priorities? A classic one is they might put family as a top priority, but then be workaholics and work 12 hours, 14 hours daily. So I think it's very common for people to believe that something is a priority, but in practice, that's not how they're spending their time or energy. Speaking of energy. You mentioned this as we were talking right now, and this is also a fundamental pillar of what you feel helps people to reach their potential. Would you like to dive into that?

[25:57] Simon: Definitely. And when I look back, Katie, it's because that was the personal journey I was on. If I just go back for a moment to where I was career wise, I was in the financial industry. A year after being at Lehman Brothers, the financial crisis happened. And then I was in and out of a job for nearly ten years in the financial industry, doing all sorts of different jobs. But throughout that time, even though it paid well, I never felt fulfilled. I was looking forward to the weekends, to holidays, to bank holidays, to leaving the office. I just didn't have the energy to do what I needed to do in order to progress in other areas of my life. And so that's one of the first things I had to address, was my energy. And this is where health came in. I knew that the energy I needed had to start with some basic level in place. And so the first three things I focused on was number one was my sleep. Because I was working long hours, I was having a little sleep. I woke up already exhausted before the day had even begun. And I realized that unless we have sufficient rest and sleep, no strategy or hack will replace the fact that you need sleep. They're never going to work because you simply don't have the energy. And then it was exercise, which we've already touched on, and then it was nutrition, was changing up my diet. At the time of being in the financial industry, I was living off junk food, takeaways, mostly highly processed food. And so, as you can imagine, my energy was very low. It was impacted very severely. So once I started addressing these three areas, suddenly I got this zest for life and this energy to want to do even more things. But because I had redesigned my lifestyle to give me the space to think about that. And when I think about energy, I think one of the, if not the greatest sources of your energy is to be found in understanding what you are put here on Earth to do. What is your purpose, what is the gift that you are meant to share in the world? And so as I started this coaching journey and I started to see the transformational impact that I was having with people, that I had conversations with, that I coached, that I spoke with, that for me, lit a fire inside. So what happened is I was creating more energy by understanding what my sources of energy were. And that gave me the motivation and inspiration to go on and be even more creative, to think, well, how else can I go out and impact the lives of other people? It gave me purpose to every action, behavior and choice that I made.

[28:51] Katie: It makes such a difference. I feel that what you mentioned beforehand, in terms of exercise and sleep and nutrition, they're all essential. But if there isn't that fundamental fire, like you said, if there isn't that purpose driven that Ikigai that I know you also talk about, then you don't have the it's hard to explain. It's almost as if you can function at a high level when you do all the right boxes for your body and your mind. But if it doesn't fuel your soul, there's always going to be a plateau. There's always going to be something that you can't surpass.

[29:24] Simon: Indeed. And what you end up going through, Katie, is you end up experiencing this feeling of being busy but going nowhere. And that's a feeling many of us share in today's world. Being human, it's not natural for us to navigate life feeling exhausted and tired, but unfortunately, that is the daily reality for many people. But once you start to get a solid foundation in place, you give yourself a powerful platform to then reach out into the other areas that need attention. Now you can't reach out to those areas that need attention unless you've got that baseline in place, because otherwise it's like papering over the cracks. You're hoping it works, but eventually it's still going to break down. So you've got to start with the source and build up from there. It's why, when you look at structures, whether that's buildings, offices, houses, a lot of the time is spent on going deep to build a foundation so that the eventual structure can weather whatever storm may come to pass.

[30:28] Katie: I think this is such a beautiful note to finish on. You've built up everything from the pillars of us having our purpose to how to manage our energy, to all the different habits to have in place. And also at the beginning, we touched a bit on fear, which is very common. Thank you so much, Simon, for being here. Where can people find you? How can people get in touch with you?

[30:48] Simon: My pleasure, Katie. Well, if you want to find out more about the work I do, then you can check out my website, Simonalexanderong.com, or find me on social media. I'm on YouTube, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram. But the two that I'm most reachable on is LinkedIn and Instagram. So look forward to connecting with you on there.

[31:10] Katie: Thank you so much, Simon, for being here today. Thank you.

[31:13] Simon: Thank you so much, Katie.

[31:16] Katie: Thank you for listening to the Focus B show. We would love to hear your feedback. Let us know in a review how this episode inspired you. Keep buzzing.