[00:00] Katie: Welcome back to the Focus B show. This is Katie Sudddhart here aka the focus b. And on this show, I interview high performers and leaders around the world to discover their secrets on peak performance, productivity, mindfulness, and leadership. So if you want to take your performance and your leadership to the next level, then you're in the right place. Listen up and connect with the magic.

[00:36] Katie: Welcome to a new episode of the Focus V show. I am absolutely thrilled to have David Bloom on the show today. David is a coach and TEDx speaker. He helps people to find purpose and to find their ideal dream job. Hi, David. Welcome to the show. So great to see you today.

[00:59] David: Katie, nice to be on your show. Thanks for inviting me.

[01:03] Katie: I'm really looking forward to today's conversation. I think it's the first podcast interview that I'll do around the topic of purpose and solely focusing on purpose. And I feel it is such a profound topic and there's a lot to uncover, so I'm really looking forward to it.

[01:18] David: Yeah, really looking forward to it as well. It's a great topic, and let's try to make it specific. Purpose. It's so blurry sometimes, right?

[01:26] Katie: Let's try. So one way to begin with it being specific is what do you feel is the number one ingredient to find purpose and meaning in your life?

[01:37] David: Okay. Yeah, that's a big one. The number one ingredient. I was, like, thinking about the question, okay, I need to give two.

[01:45] Katie: You can give two. You can cheat.

[01:47] David: Let's make it practical for people who are asking themselves, okay, basically, what is my purpose? Two things that I would advise them to do. Number one is become like, the one ingredient is become a detective of your mood. What I tell my clients all the time is basically set up. It could be a diary. It could be like a monthly reflection. Ask yourself, okay, over that kind of months, what made me feel alive? What kind of activities gave me energy, what kind of activities gave me joy? And figure out what are the purpose drivers, basically, by becoming a detective of your own life. So what I'm doing, basically, is over the last six years, I have highlights of the month review every month. I was like, okay, which kind of was it coaching? Was it speaking? Was it doing Excel sheets? Was it just hanging out with my colleagues and drinking coffee? What gave me real joy and the purpose of a feeling of fulfillment? So that's number one, become a detective of your mood. It's so vital. And number two is especially for solopreneurs and for business owners, I feel is really also trial and error. I love the speech, one of the speeches from Talben Shahar. He's a professor in Harvard on positive psychology and what brings us joy. And he says, basically, you need to try and figure it out by just doing stuff. And it's like you're on a playground of your life and well, you need to figure out all those things that are on this playground. I don't know. Is it like running? Is it building a castle? So just to be on the business side, like, okay, what do you really enjoy? Try to go on the stage. If you feel like that could be something, try Copywriting if you love to do that. Is it leading people that makes you feel alive? Is it writing ads? Whatever it is. And for me, I figured it out. It's not just one thing because I'm a scanner personality, I love to do thousands of things. And my purpose is just like basically use the whole freaking playground as an entrepreneur. For me, it's like create a cocktail of all of those things. And another thing is sometimes we are looking for purpose in terms of, okay, what is it that I'm doing? I have not found that thing. But for me, I felt it's a lot. Also the question with whom am I doing it? So which kind of people make me also feel alive? For me, everything changed. My whole purpose of my business is when I found my gang of other solopreneurs with whom I'm hanging out, just having a good time, speaking about strategies and ideas and challenges and suddenly there was my purpose, just like also being with great people around me because I think that's a problem that solopreneurs have. Sometimes they do their own thing and that does not make them feel alive. Yeah. So basically become a detective and trial and error your way to fulfillment, basically.

[04:56] Katie: And make sure that you surround yourself with people that make you feel alive. So one ingredient became three ingredients, but very different directions. And I love the part about being a detective and analyzing your moods. That's also how you can find your zone of genius, what you excel at and brings you joy, which is very related to purpose. But it's also in general, a really interesting way to have greater awareness of the different areas of your life, how things make you feel. Because when we're feeling low, there's generally a reason for it. And when we're feeling happy and excited, there also is, which leads me to the low part, which is what do you feel are the main reasons people lose that sense of purpose or meaning?

[05:39] David: That's a good question. I can answer that also a little bit from my own story, especially for people who are their own bosses. I think often you set out on that journey, becoming your own boss, becoming an entrepreneur, because you have a certain idea of what life can become. Of course, sometimes you want to change the world and make other people's lives better. But to be really honest, most of us probably also just want freedom and become their own boss and just determine when they work, from where they work, not having their boss and just become their CEO of their own lives. And the problem, what happens is often we just get so into, okay, we need to make it successful, that sometimes we lose track of what we actually wanted to do in the beginning. And that's what I felt like after two years, I started to make certain revenue, start to have ten k months. And on the one hand side I was like, okay, finally I'm successful in kind of society's way, but I felt, okay, I became the slave of my own work without even realizing it. I was working so hard sitting there until like 08:00 p.m., 09:00 p.m. In the office because yeah, that's part of being an entrepreneur and so on and so forth. But I lost the connection to what I actually set out to do, becoming my own boss, being free of all of this, and also just hanging out sometimes doing playing tennis in the afternoon, working from Barcelona and so on and so forth. But overall, this idea of what an entrepreneur has to do and how life should be, I forgot my own personal vision. So I became my cheapest employee, basically because I was doing all those Excel stuff and all those administrative stuff and taxes and so on and so forth. And I think the problem sometimes is that it's like a vicious circle that goes on there, because then you feel like you don't feel really alive, but maybe you say, okay, I just need to get to that target of ten k per month or get those kind of clients, and then everything else will be easier and better. But it's not. And you ask yourself, why isn't it working? And then you get frustrated and you want to force it. And then your flows is getting lost and you're working late nights and you feel like everyone else is doing it. Why am I not succeeding? And then you get more and more distant from your initial vision. At least that's what happened to me, to be really honest. And yes, though I think it's often it's that you overload that you lose your focus and you forget your vision. That's I think, why people sometimes lose their meaning, basically.

[08:37] Katie: So true. Especially the part about being attached to success when that wasn't the reason you started. I love the comparison you said between what initiated your desire to have your business and what it ended up becoming. And I feel it is so common that we begin with this idea of I want this freedom, I want to manage my own hours, I want to have the creativity in my job business. And at first we're so alive, we're so alight with this idea of playfulness, with all these creative concepts. And then at some point it becomes the grind and at some point you think, wait a minute, I'm working more or harder, or psychologically it's harder and I don't have the financial security of a job and you thought, this is not why I became an entrepreneur or started my own business. And I know that in my case, the podcast really helped me to still have that sense of play because it was something I wasn't aiming to get paid through doing it, I did purely for the fun. I learned loads and also it helped me with my mindset because of all the wonderful people get to interview. So that helps you. But I did feel that that helped with the sense of play. So in some ways it sounds to me from what you're explaining, that purpose and play are related. What would you say on that?

[09:56] David: 100%. And I like the idea of starting something just like a side project, like for example, the podcast, without having the intention of making money. It's something that I always tell my clients also who are still employed, just do something without trying to make money with it. I don't care if you start, I don't know, like creating fashion bags and sell them to somewhere or just do it for fun or create a podcast or start coaching but have the playfulness in there of just doing it because you like it. What would you do because you just liked it? And that's obviously what you say. It's like podcast that and behind this often there's waiting something that you don't even see yet besides just the fun part. It's like you creating your network and then gaining opportunities concerning your business again. So we forget to play. I think that's a really important part where we just were functioning and we lose our creative genius by this.

[11:01] Katie: Yes, and overworking, as you were saying. So doing all those extra long hours and overworking and getting rid of the play. So the two combined, less fun and they're more hours of work and that can really sort of diminish this sense of purpose. And what other tools, questions, daily practices would you recommend for people who are struggling with finding purpose and meaning in what they're doing?

[11:25] David: Yeah, I have prepared a couple of questions but one thing that you just mentioned is I really think is play really consciously take time off to just goof around, whatever it is. If you want to play video games, if you want to go on the stage, if you want to do baking or cooking, it helps you to wake your inner creative genius. And who wants to find out more on this? I think Breen Brown has given great speeches not only on vulnerability but also on play. And she said very wisely in a society that sees the high performers as the best of the best, it takes guts to rest and play. And I really encourage you guys to take time off, not just because it's fun, but you need it for your business, indirectly, whatever it is. For me, everything changed during that time that was difficult and like, lost myself a little bit. I started to play. I forced myself to, for example, book a trip to Barcelona, get coaches that help me, but basically to get out of that system and to find myself out there and to distance myself from my very extremely ambitious and I need to get this **** done persona, basically. But coming back to your question, what kind of questions do I love? Some people might know them, but try answering them honestly. One is, what if money was no object? That's something that we were discussing just now. Like, okay, maybe I would start a podcast. Maybe. Also, speaking about a completely different topic for me, I'm dreaming about sometimes making a podcast about becoming an awesome father. I'm not one yet, but I know I will do this. I don't know if there's any money in it. I just want to do it. What if money was no object? That's a great question. Ask yourselves also if you had ten lives, ten different lives, what kind of lives would you want to live? Will you become, I don't know, will you become a gardener? Will you become a globetrotter? Would you write children books? Ask yourself and give yourself permission to live those kind of lives, even if it's just ten minutes per day? I am of the opinion that you don't always need to find the purpose also in your money making skills. Sometimes it can be a combination. It's not always the skill that makes you really feel alive. That has to make you money. So take away that pressure a little bit. Another question which helps me a lot, helps my clients a lot, is in which chapter of your life did you feel most alive? And often you come back to maybe those times when you were a student, for example, and what did you do there? What kind of freedom did you have? With what kind of people did you hang out? What kind of Hobies did you have? Suddenly it becomes so clear what needs to change. And of course, we cannot turn back times, but we can get back those cocktail ingredients, at least to a certain extent. Some people just don't have enough time for themselves, especially when you have children, especially when you're juggling with a million balls. You need to figure out how you have some alone time. Is it magic morning? Is it checking into a hotel every once in a while? Have your space. You need it so much. It's really my personal opinion, and I don't even have children yet. I know how important it is for me. And maybe people have heard about the big Five for life framework from John Stralesky. It's a concept that I really love. Basically. Ask yourself, what are the five most important wishes for your life? And that gives you so much clarity and orientation and helpful decision making. If I just give you an example, if you have big five for life, for example, for me, it's sports and vitality. I just feel so alive when I'm on the tennis court and hang out with friends playing soccer. So this is clear. It's part of my ritual, my weekly ritual. This also. And then if you have that, for example, sports and vitality, ask yourself, how can I translate this into daily or weekly habits? So not just being very general, like a value. Oh, I don't know if you have the value, love, and you don't translate it into, okay, I tell my partner that I love her every five days, or I give her a kiss on the cheek in the morning. It's not that valuable. You always have to translate it into little action items. So you make it specific if you have. The value of a big five for life for me is basically travel. And I said, well, over the last couple of years, when I was being my own boss, the first year, I did not travel because I did not allow myself to travel. When I started to allow myself. Now I'm living three months at least in Spain, in Gran Canalia on the Canary Islands, sometimes from Florida. That's when my business took off, when I gave the permission to live after my values and also travel. What does it mean for you? Is it a trip every once in a while? How often do you want to live from I don't know in certain countries. But be specific. If you have the value big five for life, family and friends, what does that mean? How much time do you want to spend with your family in particular? How many times per month do you want to meet your best friends? So big five for life, define them. You can google it. You can google John Straletsky. He has also written a great book about it. And then figure out what are your big five and just start with some. It's not the perfect big five you need to start.

[17:31] Katie: It's always good to start from one place. And I think something that you just mentioned that sort of caught my attention was give yourself the permission. So in your case, you were saying, give yourself the permission to travel. And I feel that this is one of the core issues. Why people end up overworking, why they end up losing the fun and joy is maybe because of financial pressure, especially for business owners, especially for business owners starting off, but it can also be later on or when they're scaling somehow. I'm not allowed to indulge in traveling or to have this hobby or whatever it is, because they feel the financial pressure. And then there's a vicious circle because they're not spending on hobbies or traveling or something nice and relaxing. They're feeling stressed and tense because they're stressed and tense. They're not converting to sales because people pick up on the energy because they don't have sales, they lack money. And the circle continues. And the example you gave was breaking that circle. You actually said, no, I will allow myself to live and work the way that suits me best, the way that energizes me best. And then it broke the circle and.

[18:40] David: It pivoted the other round exactly how you say it. And it's not, okay, I'm lazy because sometimes that's the idea. But it's more I have the courage to live my best life, and therefore the universe often rewards me through this. And there's Breen Brown again who says, it takes guts. It takes courage. Courage to rest and play in a world where you always think you have to be busy in order to be successful.

[19:19] Katie: Yes, it takes guts, and it also takes discipline, because I found that my clients are often really reluctant to taking breaks, even during the day, and they might think it's seen as lazy or non productive. But what I found is that some people really lack the discipline to actually stop because there's an addictiveness to the dopamine rush we get when we're working. Working. It's so addictive, especially if we enjoy it or we're stressed. And so we need to both have the courage to actually say, no, I will step away for a moment, and we need to have the discipline to follow through with that.

[20:00] David: Yeah, that's very true. It's easier not to rest sometimes. Most of the time, yes.

[20:07] Katie: It's so funny how for so many driven and ambitious people, resting is actually really difficult. You think it's the easiest thing in the world, right? You just turn off your computer and your phone and you stop checking your emails and pick up a book or go to the movies or go for a long walk. But it's true that I think it's easier to become workaholic than over resting. But maybe it depends on the personality types, of course.

[20:34] David: Yeah, that's true. I mean, I had a Ted Talk. I gave a Ted Talk once. It was called The Art of Pausing because we have never learned, really to pause, especially if we are those kind of high performers. But you can be so freaking fast in whatever you do, if you're running into the wrong direction, you distance yourself from your personal goals. So it's better to go with the car, stop for a second, say, okay, Google Maps. Okay. Am I on the right track, actually? Here. Oh, maybe I need to go into the different direction.

[21:09] Katie: And coming back to purpose, do you feel the purpose comes from all the errors in our life combined? How do you see?

[21:19] David: Yeah, I think it's the greatest misconception of the idea that you have one purpose. I remember I went to Tony Robbins, stayed with Destiny in Florida. Also, during that kind of time, I was busy and okay, I need to go to Tony. Tony will lead the way. And I remember he said, what's the number one goal of that six days here date With Destiny. I wrote down, I want to find my purpose. Then I think 2 hours into Date With Destiny, I was flying all the way to Florida for this. And he said he was laughing. Like, some of you might think they go to Destiny, they find their purpose. And then he was laughing. He was like, what makes you think you have one purpose? And I was like, ****, Tony, you got me. I was waiting for that one purpose. I was like, Where is it? Is it in the closet? Is it here in Florida? Where is that purpose? I was like, you have more than one purpose. And it was really relieving, because if I find that, everything will be fine, and as long as I don't have that, everything is ******. That's not the good approach. And that puts a lot of pressure on your inner purpose searcher, right? So, yes, my answer to your question, at least from my perspective, is purpose is it can be a cocktail of different things. And that comes back to the big five for life. You can have so many different purposes. It can be that you're a great podcaster, that you are a wonderful husband, that you treat people with respect and kindness, that you try to put a smile on people's faces every time you order a coffee at Starbucks, whatever it is. But also, it's not about finding your purpose, but rather creating your purpose. I think it's really you are the painter of your life. You can choose what colors to take. And if you want to decide right now within this podcast episode, you say, my purpose is to put a smile on the strangest person's face every day because I smile on them on the street. Suddenly you have a purpose. That could be one of your purposes right now, right here, and you will make the world a better place. You can decide and you can switch purposes whenever you feel like it. It's time to switch. So chillax.

[23:34] Katie: Yes, there's a lot of pressure around this one purpose. And I like the change from finding it as if it's something hidden that you have to uncover and creating it. And I also feel that if we think of creating meaning every day, whether it's making strangers smile or making people in our family happy or building strong friendships or growing our business, all this meaning, all the things that add joy, basically to our lives, that is easier to go about than to think of one big purpose. And I know that in my case, when I went through a phase where I felt I'd lost purpose or connection, I think it was a lot easier to think, what's adding joy to my life? What's giving me meaning? Where am I feeling happy? And little by little, that feeling just went away. Suddenly I wasn't purposeless. I was just like, oh, yeah, all is good. So I think it's when we decide that's the problem and we put all our energy on finding and defining one purpose. The other thing that was interesting is I was doing this workbook based on this book, Mindful Self Discipline by Giovanni Deansman, who's really, really interesting, and the book is great. Anyway, there was a workbook on your aspiration pillars, and as I went through all of them, it was all the stuff that I'm already doing. So it was all like, speaking and writing and coaching. I was like, oh yeah, I do know about purpose. Oh, it's still the same. After hours of rethinking it's all. I was like, oh, yeah, all is good. So I think brief moments of demotivation or brief moments of feeling a bit lost don't mean that we don't have a purpose. But it could be possible for some of you listening, you might be going in the wrong direction, maybe in your business, maybe in a relationship, maybe where you're living. That happens, but it doesn't mean that you've lost all purpose.

[25:18] David: Yes. So true. Katie.

[25:21] Katie: Yes. It's interesting how we like to pigeonhole on that word. We think we have the one purpose, like you explained with Date with Destiny. I wonder how many people wrote beforehand.

[25:35] David: I think almost everyone was like, I want that, because people tend to be like this. They want easy solutions. It's like, that one thing. Give me the key and everything will be fine. But it's a little bit more complex. But it makes it actually easier and without so much pressure.

[25:52] Katie: So we've uncovered one of the greatest myths around purpose. What advice would you give to people who are listening to this and they want to at least feel reconnected? Because I feel that this lack of purpose is really disconnection. How can they reconnect, maybe with their job, with their business? Like what you were explaining earlier, aside from the sense of play, aside from maybe taking time off, what else can they do to sort of reconnect with maybe why they started in the first place, or what brings them joy in their business or work.

[26:31] David: How to reconnect? I think sometimes it's about not being faster or doing things differently. We've talked about this a lot right now, but what you can do again from day one is ask yourself if that was your last day today of work. Not what would you do differently, maybe, but how would you approach that day? And that helps me a lot when I'm in that mood of like, okay, I need to get going and thousands of dues. How would you start in your morning? Would you really rush? Or would you maybe take your time and drink that cappuccino of yours or light a candle? Or it's like, how would you talk to your client if that was your last client call? With what kind of attitude would you go on that call? And I think that kind of question is like, what if it's your last day? Not in a doomy kind of way, but how would you approach it in your inner attitude? And also if you ask yourself in the morning, what can I be thankful for? Today is so powerful. That question. Everyone is talking about it, but it's for a reason, because it's so freaking powerful. So ask yourself a question what can I be thankful? And suddenly you see all those tiny little islands of purpose wherever you go. That's actually something that I would recommend.

[28:05] Katie: Yes, the gratitude is so important, and it does help you to realize the things that you might be taking for granted and to re acknowledge them. And also, I feel it diminishes the lack because we have a tendency to always focus on what is missing and what is lacking. But when we suddenly grateful for all these things that are going well, we think, oh, in comparison, it's not that much. But I like what you said about how we would approach it if it was the last day, because it helps us to be more focused and more present. And I feel that just by being more focused and present, we can enjoy our work more. We're more likely to get into flow. So from then on, it's a good start.

[28:43] David: Yes.

[28:45] Katie: Well, we're already at the end of the episode, David. It has flown by. We've covered so many different topics from purpose to play, and I feel we've also broken down the myth of one purpose. And I think that will help a lot because if people are listening, they're like, oh, how do I find my one purpose? And then they'll have the same realization as you did as a Tony Robbins event. Oh, okay.

[29:06] David: Thank God.

[29:08] Katie: Relief good. Thank you so much for being here, David. Thank you for sharing all of your insights on this topic. It's been fantastic. Thank you.

[29:16] David: Thanks for having me. Katie. Bye bye.

[29:18] Katie: Bye.

[29:22] Katie: Thank you so much for tuning in today to the Focus Be Show. I would absolutely love to hear your feedback. So let me know in an Apple review or YouTube comment what was most most valuable for you. And feel free to share this episode with a friend or a family member wishing you a wonderful, magical, and focused day ahead.