The Top Guys
A pop culture podcast. Devon Sanders, Chris James Scott, and Omar K. Mills discuss what is best in life.
The Top Guys
Top Guys Fight Club (Part 2)
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This week on The Top Guys Podcast, we remain in the Top Guys Fight Club.
The question is simple: if you could fight anyone — real or fictional — who would it be, why are you fighting, what’s at stake, and are you walking away with the win?
Naturally, the answers are completely unhinged.
We get into fictional rivalries, legendary martial artists, cartoon grudges, public service beatdowns, childhood trauma, government chaos, utility bills, and one man’s highly specific mission involving Destro and a certain someone from Cobra.
It starts as a fight card.
It turns into therapy.
Then somehow, we end up talking about oranges.
Welcome to Top Guys Fight Club.
And seam. Wow.
SPEAKER_03The real Ghostbusters.
SPEAKER_00Devon is incredulous. He hates me.
SPEAKER_03Let me let me make sure I understand. The the stakes are utilities.
SPEAKER_00Utilities.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_00I am doing a public service.
SPEAKER_03Doing a public service.
SPEAKER_00For my brethren and neighborhoods.
SPEAKER_03Okay, wait, wait, wait, I I have questions. You beat them all down.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Three.
SPEAKER_03Okay, you leave one.
SPEAKER_00No, I mean, I can't. I don't think I can whoop ass on Ernie Hudson. Not even now.
SPEAKER_03Okay, fair. Fair. Alright, so there is basically one Ghostbuster left.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. He runs my ass over with the Ectomes.
SPEAKER_03Okay. I was just like, I like utility is one thing, but like ghosts getting out and having no one to bust them became my next concern. Like you beat them, the ghosts then become the problem.
SPEAKER_02But see, there's the thing.
SPEAKER_00I am a closed-minded human person who doesn't believe that the Ghostbusters are actually busting ghosts like they say they are.
SPEAKER_02Because I have a $2,000 water bill and I need some fucking answers.
SPEAKER_03That's fair. That's fair.
SPEAKER_01My light bill $1,500. I'm gonna kill you.
SPEAKER_03I'm not mad at it.
SPEAKER_00My apartment is the size of a closet. Somebody must answer for this.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I I like it.
SPEAKER_00Divine thoughts. I have none.
SPEAKER_02I have none. Like that's your fight. Like you wouldn't unleash hell in New York because you want to fight your electric bill. I don't know. I don't know what to say. This man would go back in time and just like look for butterflies to stop. No zing.
SPEAKER_00How do I ruin all of this?
SPEAKER_04So okay, all right.
SPEAKER_02Who would I want to fight? So I guess the format is I think you could do either one.
SPEAKER_03You did Okay. Bruce Lee was both. I think you could go either way.
SPEAKER_02Oh man, you know, in my earlier segment, I was making a joke about wanting to maybe beat up a kid or something.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna kill Dennis DeMenais.
SPEAKER_02Like, I wouldn't want to beat them up, but I would want to like give some serious eyeballing to Lucy Van Pelt. Cuz the stuff she has put my man Charlie through. Like, I don't believe in putting your hands on kids, but Lucy.
SPEAKER_03I understand. I understand.
SPEAKER_02Me and her, and for those who are who are listening and not being able to see what I'm doing, I'm doing that. I got my eyes on you hand gesture. You'll be the parent that she never had. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like obviously, like Lucy has never like dealt with like a black parent before.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna say, like, when are we doing this? When does this encounter happen?
SPEAKER_02Because if I see her pull that ball away from that boy, I'm gonna be looking across that football field, like, hey now. You see me? I know you see me. You stop messing with that big head boy. Do it again.
SPEAKER_03Again, again, I'm wondering when you're doing this. Because if you're doing this in the early 60s, the police are looking at you as you look at her. But if you're doing it now.
SPEAKER_00Why don't you why don't you bring in the civil rights movement into it? Oh my damn.
SPEAKER_02I know. For real. He's like, well, you know you couldn't use a water fountain back then. You might not be wanting to be glaring at that that girl with the blue dress on while she torments that little boy. Just just calm down. Just calm down.
SPEAKER_03Do not use it. Do not use it because then we can't we can't use the episode.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_02I'm just saying, from the perspective of a very fruit, bald-headed kid who tries to do his best and doesn't always see the results that he wishes would happen, but still yet comes back with a positive attitude. To watch this woman, this no young girl. Sorry, I was just thinking about it. Watch this young girl pull hope from this little boy.
SPEAKER_00They're gonna make a statue out of Devon for what the captain is. They are, and they should for messing with this little white.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02So yes, the answer would be gonna we don't learn about Devon in school after this. Who would I want to fight? I don't want to fight her, but I want to let her know. I want Lucy Van Pelt to know. I want her to know.
SPEAKER_03I have so many, so many questions.
SPEAKER_00The oft-overlooked Christmas Addicts of the Civil Rights Movement, Devon Sanders.
SPEAKER_03Devon Sanders is Christmas Addicts. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm just thinking, man, like give that football back to that big head child.
SPEAKER_03I'm thinking about the downstream impacts of this. Because you warn Lucy. Mm-hmm. Linus is her brother. Me and Linus. Linus now might have might want to square up. Actually, Linus would probably thank me. That's his sister, man. That's his sister. Like it's it's blood. Do you do you? I mean, I don't know. Charlie Brown would definitely thank you. Charlie Brown would be like, bruh, thank you.
SPEAKER_02As the oldest of five boys, I have to suffer through this podcast with two only children who don't understand sibling dynamics. There have been times where, like, if somebody would have offered $2 and a Charms Blow Pop, I'd have given one of them away. You don't reproduce the questions after. Now, don't get me wrong. I love all my brothers. I love them the pieces. We're learning so much today. I love them the pieces. Shout out to my brother Nick, who would have been 46 yesterday. I love them all. But there have been some trying times. That's all I could say about that. I'm just so thankful to have what we have right now. But yes, I think if you caught Linus on the right day, he'd be like, well, hey, Charlie Brown, let's go to the baseball field and he threatened your sister.
SPEAKER_03Man, I don't care. Somebody needs to do it. Yeah, he gave me a blue pop.
SPEAKER_02You know, like he would be there like with his little blanket and then just be like, I I need to hit his lisp. Lucia was getting her cum upp at. Like, that would just be it.
SPEAKER_00Glad I can help you, little children. It'd be like, Y'all go ahead and play now.
SPEAKER_02I know. Oh, girl, go sit, chill no words. Dirty.
SPEAKER_03That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.
SPEAKER_04Learning to shut the hell up. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_02So yes, that was fantastic. Van Pelt. Lucy Van Pelt. Locker room cancer.
unknownLocker room cancer.
SPEAKER_03Locker room cancer. I like it. I respect it. I love it. I absolutely love it. Did we say what was the stake? Just just doing the right thing?
SPEAKER_02Just doing the right thing. Somebody needs to do right by Charlie. And who's not named blindness? That's fair.
SPEAKER_00Some adult needs to come in there and just unwomp womp.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like, hey now.
SPEAKER_03I know Schroeder would appreciate it. Yeah. He would dab you up. Yeah. Hey, thanks, bro.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Schroeder actually likes Charlie. So does Franklin. But it's like Lucy's just, she's a predator. Like, she's always buckling in. Like, oh, his little friends aren't around. Let me crush his spirit.
SPEAKER_00You move that football one more goddamn time here. Let him kick it. Just just let him kick it. Shit.
SPEAKER_02The women in my life are awesome.
SPEAKER_03I respect what you're doing.
SPEAKER_00Not all heroes wear capes, man.
SPEAKER_03Not all heroes wear capes.
SPEAKER_02Not all villains wear blue dresses.
SPEAKER_03That's fair. That is more than fair. We should like expand on this as like a hit and run down the road. I want to know what the fallout is of threatening Lucy Van Pelt.
SPEAKER_02It's only happening one good time. Because that's all you that's all I would need. Just that one good time.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
unknownYep.
SPEAKER_03So she doesn't tell anybody. She just shuts up and lets them kick the football from now on.
SPEAKER_02I don't know, man.
SPEAKER_00I mean, he ain't gonna do nothing to need to be like telling about. Like it's not like that.
SPEAKER_02I mean, it ain't that deep.
SPEAKER_00Relax. Relax. He ain't going on a list. Telling the child not to bully this big man boy.
SPEAKER_02Last night there was a lynching in the deep. It's never that deep, Charlie Brown.
SPEAKER_03Actually, that'd be the name of the episode. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Cartoon. It's never that deep, Charlie Brown.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_02In this kids learn about class consciousness. Comrade Charlie. Oh my God. Charlie Brown learns about socialism. It's socialism, Charlie Brown. No, no one runs out of money. You just never get evicted. That's the game. Damn it.
SPEAKER_03Oh man.
SPEAKER_02Footballs forever is what I'm saying, man.
SPEAKER_03Oh man.
SPEAKER_02Age capitalism, Charlie Brown. That's why you'll never have a house.
SPEAKER_00But I'm a cartoon or Nickelodeon.
SPEAKER_03Doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_00Doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_02Which paywalls Charlie Brown, which is even worse. Oh never like. That's a whole nother thing. Man. Omar. Get this show back on the road. Who are you fighting?
SPEAKER_03Alright. I was trying to boil this down to. I've got it down to two. Do you mind if I give you two real instances?
SPEAKER_01Baby, you're running the software. Let's go. Come on, producer.
SPEAKER_03The I'm gonna give an honorable mention to Jim Shooter. I want to fight Jim Shooter.
SPEAKER_02Oh, he's dead.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no. I'm talking I'm going back in time to fight during the 80s.
SPEAKER_02Of course.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Exercise.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no, no. No, no. I'm going back. In fact, Bruce Lee fights me also, sends me back so that I can't fight Jim Shooter. I'm like, hit me so that I go back to the 80s.
SPEAKER_02So hard.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Right around the time that the Secret Wars is being crafted because I have some thoughts and some edits I want him to do. That I don't think he'll do. That's my honorable mention.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I just want, I just want, I want the right to change things in Secret Wars.
SPEAKER_02So why I why would you want to fight him though? Like, give me a specific.
SPEAKER_03I want control of Secret Wars.
SPEAKER_02That's it?
SPEAKER_03That's it. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna do it. I wanna have it.
SPEAKER_00Because there's a good chance that if you mess up Jim Shooter, we don't get a Transformers the way we know it. I didn't say end him.
SPEAKER_03I said fight him for the rights. Hey, it's not that deep, Charlie Brown. I don't mention Jim Shooter.
SPEAKER_02Six.
SPEAKER_03Listen, I'ma have a ladder and like y'all two and a few other friends.
SPEAKER_04Oh, wait on YouTube.
SPEAKER_03Listen, Devon is already time travel. So he's used to it.
SPEAKER_00Can I please let's make this very clear. I was born in 1985.
SPEAKER_03Well then you'd be there. You might in the hole. He not gonna fight a baby. We've established that. Still, somehow, some way. When did Secret Force come out?
SPEAKER_02Ghost larva Chris Scott. Shoot.
SPEAKER_03I wanna say like like 80 84? Okay. Chris, I gotta look it up. Maybe I'll wait. I gotta fight him over something else.
SPEAKER_02You gotta fight him by the last guy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, maybe, maybe that's what I'll do. Yeah. Alright, but that's my honorable mention. My my real one. And mind you, that this is I want to make sure that I get the the caveats. Secret Wars one by the way. A4, okay. Chris, I would have yeah, I would have loved to have had you there.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, hey, it depending on if you do this, if you if you mount the offensive after the the the the Prince concert at Capitol Center, you might be good.
SPEAKER_03It's fair.
