Protect Your Lucky Charm: Conflict Resolution, Raising Youth, and Body Boundaries with Dr. Akeia Keith

Episode Summary

In this episode, Dr. Abigail sits down with Dr. Akeia Keith for a powerful conversation on conflict resolution, emotional literacy, youth mentorship, body boundaries, and the role adults play in creating safe space for young people.

Dr. Akeia shares how her own lived experience led her into this work, why anger is often only the visible layer of something deeper, and how unresolved internal conflict can spill into relationships, decision-making, self-advocacy, and even the body itself. Together, they unpack what it means to truly listen beyond words, how to cultivate judgment-free dialogue with youth, and why sexuality and body conversations must begin sooner—and more intentionally—than many adults realize.

They also discuss the upcoming CHOICES Youth and Parent Conference, a one-day live experience centered on conflict resolution, emotional literacy, communication, and mental health in youth and family systems.

About the Guest

Dr. Akeia Keith is a dynamic conflict resolution specialist, speaker, and founder dedicated to helping youth, parents, and communities communicate with clarity and confidence. Through her signature Pause, Breathe, Check-In approach, she equips individuals with practical tools to navigate tough conversations and build stronger relationships. Known for her bold, relatable, and transformative style, Dr. Keith brings real solutions to real-life challenges.

In This Episode

• Dr. Akeia’s favorite song and why “one of one” matters
• Why “lucky charm” became part of the coochie conversation
• How Dr. Akeia’s work with youth and families evolved into conflict resolution
• The real-life difference between inner conflict and outer conflict
• Why active listening requires listening beyond words
• How anger can hide fear, hurt, disappointment, and unmet needs
• How emotional conflict can show up in the body
• Why adults need to normalize conversations about boundaries, sexuality, and safety
• What a real safe space requires: dialogue, no judgment, validation, and intention

Resources Mentioned

• CHOICES Youth and Parent Conference
  May 30, 2026
  9:00 AM – 4:00 PM
  McDonough, Georgia
• Instagram: @Akeia_Keith
• Email: info@akeiakeith.com
• Song: “Bigger Things” by China Styles
• Book: Age of Opportunity by Lawrence Steinberg - video about it

Connect with Dr. Akeia Keith

Instagram: @Akeia_Keith
Email: info@akeiakeith.com

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Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for personal medical care.

Transcript

0:12

You are listening to Coochie Business where coochie owners, lovers, and advocates come to get some literacy. That's coochie literacy. I'm Dr. Abigail Naturopathic doctor home birth midwife. Your coochie coach and educator curating these conversations that lie at the intersection of body literacy, lived experience, healing, and liberation. Before we hop into today's episode a grounding disclaimer, this podcast is edutainment. It is not a substitute for medical care diagnoses or treatment. We're sharing perspectives, lived experiences, language and possibilities, but your body deserves individualized care from a qualified practitioner who can assess your full picture. You wanna check me out? Information is always in the show notes. Today's conversation, listen, it starts out with music and tattoos and some lucky charm energy, but we quickly dive into something much deeper conflict. Boundaries, emotional safety, youth advocacy, and what happens when adults finally stop pretending that hard conversations can wait. And my guest, Dr. Akeia Keith. Conflict resolution specialist, speaker and founder of the CHOICES Youth and Parent Conference. Together we explore one of the most important distinctions I've heard in a while in our conflict versus outer conflict. If you're a parent, a guardian, an educator, a mentor, an auntie, an advocate of any sort, or just someone trying to understand how healing starts from the inside out, this conversation is for you. So, let's get into it.

Dr. Abigail 2:33

Hi, Dr. Akeia. Thank you for joining me today for this conversation. How are you?

Dr. Akeia 2:40

I am doing amazing. I'm glad to be here. Thank you for such an opportunity.

Dr. Abigail 2:48

Thank you for your Yes

Dr. Akeia 2:51

my pleasure.

Dr. Abigail 2:53

So I'm gonna start off real quick. In your questionnaire you said something about your favorite song. What is that?

Dr. Akeia 3:01

Oh my gosh. It is by China Styles and the title is Bigger Things. And when I say that lady goes in on the lyrics! I will say one of the major lyrics from one of her lines is that she is one of one. And so it just gives me chills even when I say it now, is that I'm one of one, like I am the original. And it just puts you in a different mindset of who you are and how you choose to show up in the world.

Dr. Abigail 3:40

Okay! What an opening question! I'm glad I asked that. What's the name of the song again? Because I definitely wanna put the link in the show notes.

Dr. Akeia 3:48

It's called Bigger Things by China Styles.

Dr. Abigail 3:55

Perfection. Thank you. Okay. You

Dr. Akeia 3:57

are welcome.

Dr. Abigail 3:58

I love that. Well, shoot, let me continue. Another thing that raised my eyebrows. I was like, oh, I like this. I haven't heard this before. Lucky Charm.

Dr. Akeia 4:10

Oh my God, yes. So, um, years ago, I don't, I have this. How can I say this? I, I don't know, I don't wanna use the word addiction, but I have this ation about Lucky Charms and so when I I guess researched on what it means as far as literally someone being lucky, I just felt like that was the best tattoo ever. So yeah, I put it on my pelvic area. I just thought it was great. So it's like, okay, if you see it, then you're lucky.

Dr. Abigail 4:46

And is that also an alternate name for your coochie or a coochie?

Dr. Akeia 4:50

You know what, yes, indeed it is.

Dr. Abigail 4:53

I love this because one of the reasons that Coochie business continues to be a journey, whenever I say coochie. Number one, I love the reaction and. The reaction is not always positive, though. I love all of it 'cause it gives me data. Mm-hmm. But it was very intentional for me to choose coochie. I've trademarked it. It was even a battle on the trademark thing. 'cause it was first denied because it was a vulgar term for vaginas. Wow. And it was really intentional. That's why I call this edutainment. Mm-hmm. Because if I say vagina to medical mm-hmm. Down there, are you talking about your toes ma'am?

Dr. Akeia 5:31

Right.

Dr. Abigail 5:32

Uh, pussy vulgar, you know. Yeah. What would you, what would you like for me to call it then? That's my question back to Yeah. People. 'cause my intention here is how can I talk about sexual and reproductive health and anything related to a coochie from an 8-year-old to an 88-year-old and beyond.

Dr. Akeia 5:51

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 5:52

Right. With a clear understanding and something that can go from the street to the church, to the classroom, to wherever. So, lucky Charms, and especially with your work with the youth is really interesting to me. I was like, Ooh, I like this. I wanna hear more about it. You know? Yes, the tattoo and your personal, but as a conversational thing, so let's see. Question. In your work with the youth first, tell the people what do you do? Tell 'em about this conference you've got coming up. Tell 'em the spectrum of what you do with youth. And then two, have you ever, and if yes, how do you handle conversations about sex or sexuality with young people?

Dr. Akeia 6:41

Wow, that's, that's a loaded, um, okay, so let's, let's start from the beginning. In reference to what I do with youth, I've been in this space for a very long time. And it wasn't until recently that I started honing in on, okay, let's talk about conflict resolution. However, like I've dealt with youth and I still do on the grounds of whether or not there is, like any type of depression or any type of mental health diagnosis or anything like that. So I fall under the umbrella of all things mental health and outside of that, just providing like reputable mentorship in the area of youth. And so whenever you utilize the word mentorship, that is such a broad topic and I found myself in that space over and over again. And it's very rewarding because it allows me to be myself. I think working with youth requires one to be very vulnerable as well as one that it's okay with providing a safe space. I think dealing with youth is them knowing that literally they can share their thoughts and feelings without someone being judged or without them being judged. And so I enjoy this work because I've seen it from... my youngest person that I work with is age two all the way up until like 18, 20. And so I've seen different types of environments, different types of personalities and all of that. And I will say that I know for sure hands down that Im gifted to be in this space, due to the results that I've obtained and as a result of all of my work with working with youth, two years ago I started doing live events specifically for youth and parents because that is pretty much the foundation of what a child grows from. And oftentimes if our foundation is not great, we may be setting ourselves up for failure along the way. So my specialty is conflict resolution in the area of youth and families, or youth and parents, or youth and those that support them. So that means judges, that means counselors, social workers, foster care parents, police officers. Anyone that may have that role of interacting with youth and parents, those are the people that I create resources for. And so last year I started a live conference called CHOICES, and we address conflict resolution, mental health awareness, emotional literacy, effective communication, things that go on in the family dynamics, those are things that we address at the CHOICES Conference. And so, May 30th this year will be our second year jumping into this experience. And I will say it is such a transformational experience that I can't wait to see what happens this year. It was so funny, last year during the conference, before we even ended, they were like, Dr. Akeia you have to do this again. You have to do this again. So, one of my mentors always tells me, your audience will tell you the direction to go. And just hearing the need, but also answering the call just prompted me to keep going in this direction.

Dr. Abigail 10:27

I'm so excited. Okay, so you just started the conference last year? CHOICES? Mm-hmm. You have another one this year,

Dr. Akeia 10:34

correct?

Dr. Abigail 10:34

When is it?

Dr. Akeia 10:35

It's May 30th, 2026. It's a one day conference.

Dr. Abigail 10:42

How can people find out about it? And can we post it in the link?

Dr. Akeia 10:46

Yeah. So, uh, the best way would be to follow me on Instagram, 'cause everything is there. And that's Akeia_ Keith. And then from there if you have any questions, you can literally just DM me and I'll respond quickly.

Dr. Abigail 11:02

I'm laughing. You know she works with the youth. Mm. Follow me on Instagram,

Dr. Akeia 11:06

right?

Dr. Abigail 11:07

All the information is there. I love it. I'm looking for a website, a flyer.

Dr. Akeia 11:12

Email. Now I do have a flyer on there. And then for those, for instance, I try to reach out to a lot of organizations that has youth. So whether it's a group home or, it could be a foster care agency, any organization that works with youth, if you email me at info akeia keith .com, I can get you the information directly and I'll also give you a link for group registration.

Dr. Abigail 11:43

Check that out. Okay. So tell people the date again.

Dr. Akeia 11:45

It's May 30th, 2026. And we'll be there from 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM

Dr. Abigail 11:53

And what city is this?

Dr. Akeia 11:54

It's in McDonough, Georgia.

Dr. Abigail 11:57

Okay.

Dr. Akeia 11:57

So, and McDonough is, I, I like to spell it. 'cause sometimes people think it's McDonald's, but it's McDonough and that's M-C-D-O-N-O-U-G-H.

Dr. Abigail 12:08

Again, all of this will be in the show notes. The flyer, which is on IG, will also be in the show notes. Your email for group or any kind of sponsorship scholarship rate registration information info@akekeith.com will be in the show notes And love it. Love it, love it, love it. Yes. So congratulations to your conference. It's gonna be great. Year two. I intend to be there, so let the record show.

Dr. Akeia 12:40

Thank you. Oh my God, you

Dr. Abigail 12:43

made me cry. It happened on the spot. Just like with Aaliyah, that decision that happened on the phone right there. That's how this happens. Yeah. I'm gonna have to be there. And, okay, so here's why. First of all, there was another part of the question. I'm so excited about the conference and what you do and how we've launched into this conversation. So please, let's circle back to, in your work with the youth, have you ever, and if so, how do you address or bring up or help with this safe space that you cultivate as you're gifted to work with them, right? Mm-hmm. In these scenarios about sex and sexuality,

Dr. Akeia 13:21

do you use lucky charm? Yeah.

Dr. Abigail 13:23

For, um, folks to understand the sanctity, if you will, of their sexuality as they're exploring their sexuality? Let's go back to that before I ask another question.

Dr. Akeia 13:32

Okay. I love this conversation because I feel like you are educating me in regards to how important it is to even talk about it more. And I feel like no, one, I've never used Lucky Charm with the girls, but now I think I will. Oh, I think I will because it is. Very needed subject matter. One terminology that I have used before is, to open up that conversation is, do you have your V card and that's, are you still a virgin? And most of the time, whenever I ask that question, the girls know exactly what I'm talking about. However, I do know, obviously if the girls are younger, it's better to use the exact terminology in case there is an issue of some type of sexual abuse or anything of that nature so that they can relay that information appropriately and get the help and safety that they need. However, in regards to sexuality and all of that, working with youth, I always like, there's no judgment and I always tell them, I understand that you're trying to figure it out. And they too will let me know like Ms. Akia. You know, I don't know. I don't know if I like girls or if I like boys, I don't, you know, uh, what about I, I haven't started my cycle yet, or if I have started my cycle, what does this look like? And so, it just puts me in a position to have better conversations with them, especially knowing, I'm learning now in middle. I mean, actually in elementary school, boys and girls are already trying to be in relationships. So knowing that now, it's like, wow. It's no time sooner than now to start having those conversations, even in elementary school. And what I'm embracing is to make it a normal conversation and not a conversation of taboo, of trying to stay away from it. Because having these conversations with our youth is very, very, so much needed because, I know for me I talk a lot about like boundaries, like good touch, bad touch, or you know, with my middle schoolers, I found out that they had been allowing boys to touch them on their butt or things of that nature. So I had to immediately address that to let them know like, you, at any given time must honor your body and not just welcome anything because you feel like it will make you get accepted better in this group of kids or whatever. So I've been strongly maximizing my conversations on boundaries and how you present yourself as a young lady. And it has opened up more conversation around this subject matter and they know for sure, I'm here to make sure that we normalize these conversations so that they can open up more and not try to figure it out themselves or lean more on their peers that's pretty much in the same boat that they are in.

Dr. Abigail 16:45

I love it. I love it. To your point about using the exact terminology, I had another guest on the podcast share story of a young girl who called it her cookie. Her cookie, her cookie. Somebody was trying to take her cookie, take her cookie, and grandma thought she was talking literally about cookies and she was trying to share that someone was touching her inappropriately. Mm-hmm. And it was missed, so it's nice and helpful and cute to have these different words and terminology, but when it's too vague or too colloquial, then sometimes it's missed. So it's really also important to have explicit conversations about, or even code words. 'cause that same story, cookie could be a code word, and then we do know, okay, we got a problem here, or like you said, V card or whatever the case may be, but just being intentional about how we use it. I know you saw me here the back of my head, right? People can't see us, looking at my bookshelf for all of these books. So another thing that happened that made me immediately say, oh, I'm gonna be at that conference, is the way you were talking about your conference and the perspective that comes up in your journey from youth advocacy, mentorship, and how it landed with conflict resolution, and all the points of touch with a youth with that. Reminded me of my one year in the PhD. So I got a bunch of degrees and this was when I was getting my fifth degree in the natural black coochie. Excuse me. I only did one year because a lot of things, but it wasn't that year that I realized, oh, we gotta talk about it. And that's when I launched the podcast the first time, 2020. Because I could keep getting these degrees and all of these conversations with all of these people. But what about the streets? How do we bring these conversations to the streets and in a meaningful way? And this is again, in that first year. In that one year and all of the courses I took the power of story. Hmm. In addition to the research. 'cause you know that's where the money lies. That's where the changes lie. We're talking about, we have to use conversations and bring things up because sex sells, but then people don't know their sexual anatomy, what's going on.

Dr. Akeia 19:05

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 19:05

We have a problem.

Dr. Akeia 19:07

Correct.

Dr. Abigail 19:08

And it was in that one year, first year of the PhD. And I went there with the intention of doing research on black birth and midwifery and all of this. And within a year was like, oh my gosh, I gotta do something different. And it was about youth.

Dr. Akeia 19:21

Wow.

Dr. Abigail 19:22

So one of the books and sexuality and race and all of these things. So when I go back to get the PhD, I am gonna do. It with adolescents. Mm-hmm. And you and I are gonna geek out even more offline about this, but one of the books that I pulled off of my bookshelf that I'm also gonna link in the show notes, I'm not sure if you're familiar, is called Age of Opportunity. Are you familiar with this book?

Dr. Akeia 19:44

I've never, no. I'm writing it down right now.

Dr. Abigail 19:48

Uh. So it's by Lawrence Steinberg. This book is phenomenal. When I read this book, everybody that I knew that was a parent or did any work with youth, even me as an auntie, I was like, you have to read this book. I gotta calm myself down when I get excited like this. And this is again, just for your perspective, this is one of the reasons I said, oh, I gotta be at this conference. Mm-hmm. Because there's a lot of science to back up the age of opportunity, and this book is talking about adolescence.

Dr. Akeia 20:16

Mm.

Dr. Abigail 20:17

And people always talked about the age of opportunity with birth and preconception, which is my jam, right? Mm. With fertility and how to prepare for pregnancy. Mm. Because when you plant the seeds and till the soil, you can, I call it the blueprint of creating a healthy baby. Right? Well, in adolescence, you have another opportunity to redo everything or anything that ever has been done to a person. Because when the hormones are shifting and changing, so he talks about it from bio, from a biological standpoint. He talks about it from sociological standpoint. It's so deep. He also talks about how adolesence as a terminology has a biological definition, but it also has a sociological definition. It's childhood to adulthood and what's going politically has impacted a person's readiness for what we term sociologically to be adulthood. And those are things that also come up. Wow. So it goes so deep. It talks about parenting, it talks about a lot of different things. The book is really dense. It is a dissertation, but it's so powerful and it plants a lot of seeds. But it's powerful and breaking down different components of that for society to all hands on deck for our youth. Mm-hmm and the power it can be. So think about a young person who grew up in the system as a foster child from a broken everything, but then systems put in place that allows them to have a second lease on life. Mm. To set them up for success with these systems that are evidence-based, which I would put money on the fact that you're touching on this in your conference and in the work that you're doing with conflict resolution. So to then to bring the science to the application. Right. It requires all of it, the research, the application, the advocacy, the getting in on the ground level with young folks and, and doing the things that, that shifts the needle for individuals. So I love everything about this.

Dr. Akeia 22:29

Wow. That's, yeah, that's very impactful. 'cause I just had a flashback of the young girls that I work with currently, like every Tuesday. And encouraging them to protect their lucky charm and to know that you have a reproductive organ that should not be abused of any nature, right. Whether you're doing, making sure that you do self-care for, for your own body, but also guarding it from others that could potentially cause any type of harm.

Dr. Abigail 23:06

I love that. You said every Tuesday?

Dr. Akeia 23:08

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 23:08

What do you, what is this, is this a program as well?

Dr. Akeia 23:11

Yeah, so I do an anger management group, and honestly, I feel like that was just the tool used to get me assigned to these group of girls. But we talk about so many things other than just anger management. That's just what brought me to them. But we cover a lot of things in that group, depending on what they come in with when they enter into the room.

Dr. Abigail 23:38

Is that something that's open to the public?

Dr. Akeia 23:40

It's not. Currently it's school based. So it's a little difficult to, it's like a private group currently. But that's why I do the work that I do, because my work is public.

Dr. Abigail 23:55

I love it. I love it. I. So let's bring it back to conflict resolution. You talked about it in the beginning with your journey. Can you remind us again what made you focus on it and break it down. What do you mean by enter an outer conflict in real life terms?

Dr. Akeia 24:14

Okay, so in general, what made me really realize okay, Akeia I think conflict resolution may be your thing, is one, it was the way I grew up. My father was, he was a great guy. However, he had an um, he was an alcoholic. And from that experience, he was very verbal and physically abusive to my mom. And growing up in that type of toxic and chaotic environment caused me to suppress anger, and I did not communicate a lot. I always isolated myself. And to get out of that environment all the time, I would make school my priority. So at a young age, I was trying to avoid being in such an environment because ultimately I think my soul wanted peace that did not exist. And so, as an adult, I seen myself like lashing out or punching walls or punching my vehicle when I would get upset and I was like, wow, this is a real problem. But I was able to understand that those types of behaviors stemmed from my childhood that was never addressed. So going through anger management, I learned how to communicate better. I learned how to take responsibility for my actions. Things that I know for sure kids need. I know for sure that parents need, or anybody who works with kids, we need to go through that same journey. And so just embracing that journey for myself, becoming an expert of my own way of showing up in the world, I said, okay, now that I've learned how to turn my anger into something positive, now I can teach others to do it. And so conflict resolution became my focus. And it also, like it was recently that I realized like, wait a minute. Initially I was always thinking that conflict was on the outside of me, but the truth of the matter is conflict starts on the inside. So if I don't see myself as this greater individual, if I don't see myself as um, being enough to be loved or being enough to just get afforded different opportunities, then that's inner conflict and ultimately it will cause me to have outer conflict with other people. And so it's a evolution, but accepting the fact that it's okay for con conflict to exist because it's going to happen. It's inevitable like it's going to happen. It's just how do you respond in the best way to get the best positive results as a result of this conflict.

Dr. Abigail 27:10

That's so good. Conflict starts on the inside.

Dr. Akeia 27:15

What

Dr. Abigail 27:16

happens when someone tries to resolve external conflict without addressing the internal factor?

Dr. Akeia 27:27

Oftentimes what I've seen and what I've learned is that the conflict could possibly grow bigger. And one thing that I've learned recently is listen beyond words. A lot of times people, they speak with word or they speak from hurt, they speak from unmet needs, they speak from fear. So if that, if all of that is going on the inside, it's gonna automatically cause that. So if you try to address your fear and your anger or your disappointment on the outside before you do the inner, like you're just creating more conflict and it's not going to be resolved because we ultimately, as human beings, think that it's something on the outside. "It's not me, it's you" type of concept. But really, it is you. You have to do the work with yourself before you can be productive on the outside of yourself.

Dr. Abigail 28:24

Okay, so I want to, I guess to ask, and I'm gonna still ask, how do we know when it's us versus them? But I feel like I'm hearing you say it is always us.

Dr. Akeia 28:35

Yeah, yeah. It has to start with you. Like it has to start with you. And sometimes it's hard for us to accept the fact that maybe something is wrong with me, or... Because I know for me, like I used to be a defensive person. It was hard for me to utilize active listening skills if I felt like I was being attacked, or if I felt like I was being belittled. That other person could not say anything to me because everything, like, I literally would try to defend myself. And so now I've embraced the art of active listening, and that means that I'm tuned in, i'm trying to figure out what part do I play in this that I can take responsibility for? And once you admit like, you know what, I was wrong, or, you know... Oftentimes I have to teach myself and teach other people, whenever you're in conflict with someone, you are not responsible for that person's feelings. They choose to be angry, they choose to be happy, and all of that. So I can only be in control of myself. So when it comes to conflict resolution, inner and outer, I'm responsible for myself. Like, Akia, how do you wanna show up in this circumstance? What type of results do you want? And from there you can explore like. Is it okay for me to maybe revise how I showed up or revise how I lacked listening skills in that moment? And trust me, it's a habit that you have to practice. This is something that just doesn't happen overnight, but you have to be willing to put in the work that it takes to address conflict in the most positive way.

Dr. Abigail 30:25

That's real. Thank you for putting in the work in your own life and in like, personally and then in your professional life to help other people learn how to put in the work themselves.

Dr. Akeia 30:37

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 30:38

That's admirable. Thank you.

Dr. Akeia 30:40

Yeah, thank you. That was a lot like, woo. I realize like I've come a long way from, you know. It was horrible, like as an adult, just not realizing the childhood trauma, how much the childhood trauma impacted my life in a negative way. And, I think now because of my experience as a youth, as a child, in such a chaotic situation, it's so easy for me to identify that in others, whether it's the parent or child, it can be any adult. It's so easy for me to have those transformational conversations. So I'm so intentional of like, wow, it's some kind of way I'm attracted to chaos. So it's like, ooh, this child is, you know, cussing out the parent. This child is walking outta class, this child is doing this or that. I wanna work with that child. Because ultimately anger is like the easiest emotion to show, however, if you have the right conversation, you will find out that that child is not just angry, but they're hurt, or they're disappointed, or there's some anxiety concerning something. And outside of whatever emotion it is, they don't feel comfortable or safe to expose their vulnerability to why they're doing what they're doing.

Dr. Abigail 32:09

You are right. This is deep. And I'm, I'm curious how to bring that thing that, I guess, dissociation if you would mm-hmm. This disconnection mm-hmm. With oneself.

Dr. Akeia 32:24

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 32:26

How does that show up, in your opinion, and how one does or does not, or the ability to advocate for themselves. You just talked about this Tuesday thing where you talk about protecting your lucky charm.

Dr. Akeia 32:41

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 32:41

But if someone doesn't realize, I think that's the same group of the anger management, you know? Mm-hmm. Young, I don't know if they're all girls, but young folks. Yeah. Maybe some of them don't even realize what's underneath the anger. Mm-hmm. So how do you think that shows up? Or in what ways have you seen it show up or shift as someone gets connected with what's going on underneath and are able to then advocate for themselves more? I'm just curious about that connection with the emotions and anger. Mm-hmm. With one's body.

Dr. Akeia 33:16

Yeah. So it's, like I said, it's a continual, how can I say this, process, right? So once you identify like. Wow, how powerful your body is, especially as a female. Like we house the world. So to know that and to know like outside conflict can harm your body. For instance, I know for me, I have to watch make sure I don't allow things to stress me out or, um, or it can be anything that's negative, it could impact me, my physical body in a negative way. So once we connect those two, like yes, my emotions are connected to my body, then we can have a better conversation, right? So like recently I had a private client, um, I started, she's 16 now. She just had a birthday and we're having conversations of how powerful her body is and how it's so important for her to make the best decisions. Because if you make poor decisions about your body, as an individual, you're going to show up poorly because that means you're gonna get sick. You can get any type of STD. It can be a number of things that could physically impact your body, where you just cannot show up as your best self, whether that's mental health, whether that's self-care, uh, your coochie. It can be anything. And so once again, it's gonna be so impactful that individuals, whether you're, you are an adult or a kid, that you surround yourself with positive things and people. Because it is evident that we treat ourselves how we, how can I say this? Sometimes as far as outward, we teach people how to treat us, but also we have to teach ourselves how to te how to treat ourselves. So it's like that's where boundaries come in at. That's where I choose to have effective conversation. I know for me, before I started on the path of pushing conflict resolution really, really strong, I had a problem with confrontation. I hated having to confront somebody because there was some anxiety in me thinking that this is going to turn into an argument and due to my childhood of growing up in such a chaotic environment, I don't like arguing. It, it like, it just, it, it just, oh my God. It makes me a angry bird. And so I try to stay away from that. But at the same time, I understand that effective communication requires confrontation. So whether it's, when it comes to our bodies, we have to confront like, what is going on, what is happening, why? And sometimes we may not even get the real reason of why was I sexually abused as a kid? Or, you know, why was my mom sexually abused? Like, there's so many questions that may come up that you may not have an answer. However, going through those processes of trying to unlock certain things that are covered up makes us become better people.

Dr. Abigail 36:47

I love that. So many things that you said. I'm gonna just recap 'cause I'm literally taking notes as you're talking and you are dropping gems. I love earlier when you already said it, but the conflict starts on the inside and it always starts with us. So when people are like, Hmm, okay, inner and outer, well, this time is outer. Well, even the outer stuff begins on the inside, especially while trying to resolve it. And then that you embrace the art of active listening. Listening beyond words. Like what? Yeah, because body language or what does that mean? Actually listening beyond words. How does one listen beyond words as they try to embrace the art of active listening.

Dr. Akeia 37:34

Yeah, so like you said, it could show up in body language, it can show up in decision making, especially, let's just say out of fear. And I can be transparent. I recently had surgery on my knee for a torn meniscus, and I haven't been able to really work, work like I wanted to. However, out of fear, I was just like, yeah. I called up one of my friends and I was like, Hey, don't you have a friend that has a business that can hire me? And I realized, Akia, why are you doing that? The work that you're currently trying to sign up for your knee will not allow that to happen. Like you could possibly cause more harm while you're going through your recovery process. And so I literally, possibly, if I had allowed that process to happen as far as me getting employed at that job, I would've caused outer conflict. I would've possibly put myself back in the hospital because I re-injured my recovery leg that hasn't even fully recovered. So sometimes, and I wrote down when you brought it up again in reference to outer conflict, let's just say it is somebody that caused the conflict. Inwardly, we still have to assess what's the best way for me to respond to this outer conflict? So in essence, we have to mentally and emotionally stay in control. Sometimes I cringe, and I used to use it myself, is, "you made me feel," no, no, no. You choose. We literally choose our emotions. So if we are on the tangent of protecting our bodies, protecting our mind, protecting our souls, it inevitably starts on the inside of us. So everything is in your control. How you respond is in your control. How you show up is in your control. And sometimes, if we keep giving our power away, then we will feel less than. Because we keep thinking that, in order for us to be successful, in order for us to properly take care of our bodies, it's factors on the outside. And that's, no, it's, it starts within.

Dr. Abigail 39:52

Correct. Mm-hmm. Correct. And as I continue to land this plan a little bit and reflect on some of the things that I jotted down, I love when you said that we house the world, coochie owners. You know, I always talk about coochie owners, coochie lovers, and coochie advocates, because I'm not getting caught up in the semantics and things, but do you own one? Do you have the tools and the inner workings of all things coochie related? Anatomically, that's the uterus, ovaries, the vagina, and all of the hormones associated with those things, because there's a certain conversation to be had with that. And in my work as a clinician and what I see show up from that emotions coming into the body thing that you're talking about, had me realize early on, especially with birth or fertility, the process of intentional conception, that we hold our emotions in our womb as coochie owners, you know? And so sometimes this anger shows up as heavy bleeding or painful periods or cysts and different things that show up, or breast tenderness, or the grief or the fear and all of these other things. And so to draw the connection to the body and what's going on. That's again, the things that came up for me that I was like, I'm gonna be at this conference. There's a lot to talk about here, to unpack. And so when you said that we house the world and that outside conflict can harm the body, that's what it reminded me of. Right? Because it's true. That outside conflict shows up here. And if even if you don't recognize the outside conflict, because it's been so normalized, the chaos.

Dr. Akeia 41:32

Okay. So

Dr. Abigail 41:32

true. If you realize the inner conflict, maybe you can connect some dots to, okay, what's going on that this can tell me? Because the body speaks pretty loudly. Yeah. And gives information. Right? And so when we can teach young people to understand that data that comes in through our bodies, monthly. Your period is a vital sign.

Dr. Akeia 41:56

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 41:57

You know, we take heart rate and temperature and all of that. You can look at your period, your blood, and what goes on each month and get some core information about your vitality. Right. And so when we can teach ourselves to understand and diagnose ourselves from our period and the phases of our cycle. But, first you gotta understand.

Dr. Akeia 42:20

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 42:20

If I say luteal phase, follicular phase, people gonna look at me like, what? So I gotta talk about, okay. You know, when you... but that's how we increase that. Hmm. I call it Cliteracy. That's how we in increase that coochie literacy, you know? Mm-hmm. Not just for the coochie owner, but for the lover, for the advocate, for everyone involved so that we can be like, okay, this is where you are and this is how it's connected. And it's all contextual. Yeah,

Dr. Akeia 42:48

one thing that, and I think it stems from like, when we acknowledge that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. And so when you were talking, I was like, wow, I forgot about the whole idea of what soul ties look like. And it goes back to how powerful the coochie is. It's like, wow, the coochie is tied to emotions. And if we don't guard that, if we don't educate ourselves on how to protect such a hot commodity, we are like heading for destruction. And it's like, how can we, I don't need, I think it's possible, but I was about to say, how can we avoid making sure that we don't, no, that we do honor our coochies on a consistent basis regardless of, let's just say if the Gucoochie has its own personality, right? Because sometimes we don't, we let her rule, like we let her put us in situations. And it's like, wait a minute, you have to remain in control. And what does that look like? Obviously that's another conversation to explore, like how can you maintain control when your coochie attempts to create its own personality and just put you in circumstances that you like, how did I get here?

Dr. Abigail 44:30

Girl, don't get me started because there's so much. So this podcast started because of conversations and I was like, this is a movement. And it all starts from biology and you know, I got years of study on coochie, on birth, on hormones. I've seen so many patterns and I was like, this is deep. And it's simple. So I call it the coochie liberation movement because we gotta liberate coochies, right? We ha we get us free. Get us free! Because, and Okay, I remember writing an article about it. If liberation is required, what does that mean? Well, then that means there's coochie oppression.

Dr. Akeia 45:11

Mm. That's true.

Dr. Abigail 45:14

Absolutely true.

Dr. Akeia 45:16

Mm.

Dr. Abigail 45:16

So what you're bringing up here, which is how it shows up, but if we really peel back and not too deep, just a couple of layers, we'll realize that these situations that we are putting on the coochie, well, something else put that on the coochie first, before we now took it. Because there's a coochie oppression. So again, like I said earlier, sex sells but you don't understand your sexual anatomy. That's a problem! And that was intentional because it was not always that way. Mm-hmm. In any culture. Mm-hmm. Literate or not book literate, there was coochie literacy. There was not a 12-year-old girl who did not understand breastfeeding or a 40-year-old woman who didn't understand menopause. Mm-hmm. Because it was discussed amongst coochie owners in that community. What happened? Mm.

Dr. Akeia 46:04

Yeah.

Dr. Abigail 46:05

That was a systematic silencing. Mm-hmm. So we gotta talk about it.

Dr. Akeia 46:10

Yeah.

Dr. Abigail 46:10

So we have these conversations.

Dr. Akeia 46:12

Yeah.

Dr. Abigail 46:12

But if I cut, get up on a pulpit, if you get up on a pulpit at the conference and start talking about, people are gonna tune out. So we do have to talk about the setup that you, you think your coochie got you into, but let's really break that down. Mm-hmm. Where's the empowerment? Where was the decision? Where's the choice? Because that all started internally before we put it externally, right? Yeah. So here's a question for you. What would you say is the relationship, or how can we use self-advocacy and the power of relationships to bring about some of this transformation and ownership?

Dr. Akeia 46:50

Honestly, I wanna answer this from my perspective of more so my experience, right? So growing up, my mom and I, we did not have conversations like this. And so I think in order to start this empowerment, considering that the home is literally the foundation, and it can be home, could be whatever, right? Whether you're with your biological family or not. Starting in the home, having the right conversations of how important your coochie is. And that starts as a young girl. Like literally, I told you in elementary school, these kids are already talking about dating and like hormones. If you even, some of these kids are, the girls are already like developed, right? My middle school girls, they look like they're already in high school, physically. And so it's like, wow, when you see these things, it's like, okay, why do we keep putting off these conversations? It's urgent that we start having these conversations in the home. And trust and believe, I do understand that sometimes, like with my mom, she was a victim of sexual abuse. So as an adult, I understand why she avoided that because hers was taken away, right? So she probably had a different perspective of what the coochie was, in regards to the fact that hers was abused. And so it will take intentions to have the right conversations. And sometimes even with, for instance, with my mom, if she was equipped enough to let me know, like, Hey, Akia, as a little girl I was taking advantage of, and these are the things that you should look for to know that this is a unsafe situation or, um, be okay with coming to me if someone to touches you inappropriately. Again, having those right conversations. And oftentimes we don't have to wait until our child starts developing. These girls, they see stuff on social media. They hear things at school. And so now is the best time. Honestly, by the time your child gets in like fourth, fifth grade, now is the time to open up that dialogue so that you could have the best conversation. And true enough, the parent, the guardian may not have the exact tools, but at least having that conversation to say, your coochie is important. Your coochie should be protected. Nobody should take advantage of this. If the answer is no, then the answer is no. Make sure that you find somebody that you're comfortable with enough to let them know that somebody is touching you inappropriately. Or, you know, just have conversations about anything that may come up. So. Hopefully I answered that, but that, that was a loaded question within itself. We have a journey to take, like, 'cause we have things to unlearn, to relearn, to, you know, reevaluate of how we show up concerning that.

Dr. Abigail 50:15

I'm with you. That was a loaded question. This was a loaded conversation. And I'm sure you and I in particular will have more. There's a lot of alignment in the conversations that we're having and especially the context of having it with youth in a productive way. And again, youth don't come by themselves, whether they come from whole homes or broken homes. Mm-hmm. There's the family, there's the community, and there's the educational system that all have a role to play, or that are playing a role, period. And then we've got media, old and new media, that plays its own independent role because we're getting messages from that. So how to effectively shift the conversation. What would you, let's say twofold, if there happens to be a teenager listening to this conversation, or their parent or guardian, what would you want them to take away from this loaded conversation that we had here?

Dr. Akeia 51:27

I would say, to embrace the idea of having a dialogue with your daughter, with your niece, with your best friend's daughter, like create a safe space. And when I say dialogue, I think a dialogue allows both voices to be heard without interruption, and not go into a dissertation or a monologue that will cause the young lady to shut down, but allowing her to share her thoughts and feelings about her body and, the changes that it may be going through. Um, those things are important. And coming from a childhood where that type of relationship did not exist between my mom and I, I think that, uh, it's very important, it's essential that guardians, mothers, aunties, like literally we make those conversations easier to have, and that is opening up the conversation, whether it is like a open-ended thing where you should throw something out there and see what comes back and have like a non-judgmental conversation. Because I've learned working with kids, like if you show a facial expression that is like unwelcoming, they're gonna shut down. However, if you make the conversation fun, throw in some what no, you didn't like, show some interest so that you can get more out of how your daughter is thinking and how she's feeling and support her in that manner.

Dr. Abigail 53:18

That's good. I'm glad you directed it toward the guardian and parent more because the youth already know. They already know what's up. And it's just that a lot of people, people don't really listen and give them that space, so they just try and figure it out themselves. Yeah. And then that's a different conversation later on, but if you care to hear it, leave the space open.

Dr. Akeia 53:38

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 53:39

I'm trying to land this plane, but goodness! Can you just break down safe space? I think that's so important because you said it multiple times. Mm-hmm. And I've kind of skirted it because I know that's, that's its own thing. But since we're landing here with some advice to parents or guardians or anyone that's in the life of a teen mm-hmm. How can they create that safe space? You did give some examples with body language. Yeah. But what exactly, how can they cultivate that and learn, or how can they learn to do that?

Dr. Akeia 54:09

Yeah. So what has worked for me over what 20 some years is the safe space should definitely, one of the major components is to make it a dialogue. The child speaks, no interruptions. The adult speaks, no interruptions. And you set that foundation where they know like, okay, I can say what I need to say what's on my heart, and, uh, no one's gonna judge me. So that's gonna be another component is that there is no judgment. Regardless of if either party does not agree, we can agree to disagree, but we're not in this space to create more conflict. We're here to explore each other's perspectives, each other's thoughts and feelings, and also to validate those things, right? So if someone, whether it's the child or the adult, if either one of them expresses their emotions, we can validate that. To say, I understand, I see, or I hear that you said, like, acknowledge those emotions because obviously whether or not we agree or not, those emotions came up for that particular person. So one, for safe space, make sure that it's a dialogue. Two, make sure that it is, no judgment, judgment, free zone. And then three, make sure you validate each other's emotions. And most importantly, just keep it as an open door policy to say you can literally talk to me about anything at any given time. And one thing that sometimes we come across is busy schedules. But that's why I said earlier, we have to be intentional. So even if you have to schedule the conversation, make sure that you are intentional about scheduling the conversation so that you all can be in that safe space.

Dr. Abigail 56:17

Thank you for breaking that down.

Dr. Akeia 56:20

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Abigail 56:21

Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your perspective, your stories, your SELF with us today. It was,

Dr. Akeia 56:29

thank you.

Dr. Abigail 56:30

Truly an honor to learn from you today.

Dr. Akeia 56:34

Oh, thank you. It was a pleasure being here. For sure. I definitely wanna come back.

Dr. Abigail 56:40

Yep. And I'm, yep. We've got work to do. We'll leave that offline for now. We've got work to do. And tell the people again where they can find you on Instagram.

Dr. Akeia 56:51

Instagram is @Akeia_ Keith. At Akeia underscore Keith, so that's A-K-E-I-A-K -E-I- T-H.

Dr. Abigail 57:02

Perfect. And the conference for those who, uh, are in the Georgia area or like me are going to travel there is on May 30th, 2026. All of the information and the resources that we talked about, China Styles, and The Age of Opportunity, as well as the CHOICES Conference will all be linked in the show notes. Thank you, Dr. Akeia.

Dr. Akeia 57:26

Thank you.