Because I Promised
Because I Promised
Keep it 100 at the wrong time
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Proverbs 1523 says, A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good is it? So often when we're angry, embarrassed, overwhelmed, or tired, we take these emotions out on others and can't and can find it easier to tell someone a hard truth about themselves, something they did or said, or are currently doing that has affected us or others, not realizing that often this is the worst time to give someone a hard word. In some cases, an intervention may be needed or a counseling session when discussing difficult topics. Either way, if what is said isn't coupled with love, as Ephesians 4 15 says, that truth will not be filtered through God's grace. And you can say something you really didn't mean to say in a manner you didn't mean to say it. Or did you? Topic today? Keeping it 100 at the wrong time. Let's talk about it. We are the Wilsons, and we feel that traditional marriage in our society today has been dealt a black eye and is no longer a sexy concept. And we want to do everything we can to help heal, enhance, and restore as many marriages and families as possible.
SPEAKER_01So let's get it, baby girl.
SPEAKER_03Hey.
SPEAKER_01What's going on, mama? Ooh, we. What do you mean, ooh, we?
SPEAKER_03It's been a long time.
SPEAKER_01No, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03Starting early.
SPEAKER_01What's going down, girl? You good? I'm good. How are you, sir? Good. You ready to get after it? I'm ready. Let's do this, man. Man, we have a topic for you guys today. This one right here is so important. Uh, you know, in marriage, a lot of times when you go to conferences and um seminars and things, you know, communication. It's key. Yeah, it comes up a lot. Communication is key. Communication is key.
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_01Well, today's topic is no less that. Right, absolutely. Tell them what today's topic is called.
SPEAKER_03Keeping it 100, not 100.
SPEAKER_01100. 100 at the wrong time. You know, whenever I think about this topic, and this is a 2.0. Oh, you know what?
SPEAKER_03Right. I was getting ready to say. You know what? You you're so eager to talk about keep keeping it 100 at the wrong time. I got a lot to say.
SPEAKER_02Bypassed all the introduction. Hey, hey. Maybe telling people where we can be heard and see. And we got new stuff too.
SPEAKER_03I'm ready to go.
SPEAKER_05Lord.
SPEAKER_03Lord. All right. So we can be found at BIP for life on Facebook and on Instagram. And hello. And hello. We have a fancy new website. All right. Fancy new website. It's also bipforlife.com. Check it out. It's so nice. Hey, Rich. Shout out to Rich.
SPEAKER_01Um, we can also be heard on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, and Spotify at Because I Promised.
SPEAKER_03Can we get into it now? Now we can get it. We need to pray first, too. But yeah, we're gonna get into this. Can you pray for me? Because I'm a little anxious right now. Lord, have mercy. Okay. Well, let's pray. Yeah. Father God, we thank you so much for this time and we thank you for this word, Lord. I pray that you uh allow Curtis to get out all the things he needs to get out, Lord God, and that someone is blessed, Lord God. Our marriage and others as well are blessed in learning how to communicate better. We thank you for this, Lord, in Jesus' name, amen.
SPEAKER_01Amen. I love how you said in the prayer that you know we're blessed as well in learning how to you know and continuing to learn how to communicate. That's important, um, especially for us moving into this space now, um, to not think that we have it all together. And we we don't think like that. No, but no, we don't, you know, um it's important that we continue to work on our communication, you know, um, and how we talk to each other. What are your your your three favorite words when it comes to talking to each other?
SPEAKER_03Tonation, phonation, and pitch. Look them up exactly, phonation, and pitch.
SPEAKER_01And so it's it's important on how we talk to each other and the manner in which we talk to each other, and it's something that we work on on the regular as well. So I I love that in your prayer. Now, getting into this topic, one of the things that, and this right here is one we have done before on our audio podcast. So this is a 2.0. Yes. And um, one of the things that sticks out to me when we talked about this subject the first time was when my father was sick and um he had been diagnosed with cancer, and I remember um we were getting close to the end. We even knew that it was not looking good. Right. Right. And um he was in a facility, and I would, you know, would go up there daily and hang out with them. And I had to go to meet with his oncologist.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01And he was anxious to know what dad was, yeah. My dad, being he being my dad, was anxious to know what was the prognosis as far as the outcome, as far as is he gonna make it, is he gonna survive, right? And so the duct to say right. He's like he really wanted to know, right?
SPEAKER_04With the duct to say, right.
SPEAKER_01Um, shout out to Kurt Sr. And I went to meet with the oncologist, and I said, Doc, just keep it real with me. You can keep it 100 with me. Right, right. And he said, get him home, get him comfortable. Um it's yeah, looking like it's inevitable. And I remember I had to leave that meeting and go to my father, who I knew wanted was anxious of knowing to know what so I spent some time in the car in prayer, and I'm like, okay, God, what do I do? How do I talk to him? What do I say? Right. Uh because the truth is, bro, it's time. It's time. You're getting ready to peace with God. You're getting ready to leave.
SPEAKER_04You've been a miracle.
SPEAKER_01It's time. We didn't know that 100% for sure because we know that the Lord He can do miracles.
SPEAKER_03Whatever he wants.
SPEAKER_01Right, but we saw the sign. So I thought about that because to to just tell him, bro, you're you're getting ready to leave, when I knew where he was, it it just wouldn't have been right, it wouldn't have gone well. Right. So I remember when I finally got there, back to the facility where he was, and I'm talking to him. I said, he said, you know, hey Junior, he called me not junior, but hey junior, what is the doctor what did the doctor say? Junior, what did the doctor say?
SPEAKER_03Don't do this, voice. Just let me check. No, don't do that.
SPEAKER_01Hey Junior, what did what did the doctor say? We love you, girl. I love you. And I said, Well, Dad, he said, You gotta start eating. Yeah, you know, that's yeah, I told him the same thing. And we didn't even talk about it. Right, we didn't. And it was like, you gotta start eating. You know, you want to get better, you gotta start eating. And in that moment, I felt like I had to give him some hope. Right. I couldn't just say, you know, there are certain people where you can say, it's time.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01You know, but I knew where he was, he was in the Lord, but I knew he was a babe in Christ. I knew where his faith was, and just to just tell him that would have just been harsh.
SPEAKER_03No one wants to see. I I I have this whole vision planned in my head of that day, right? No one wants to tune in and be like, oh, let me watch somebody pass. But boy, guys, I'm telling y'all if y'all could have been there. That was the most funniest time. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Funniest? When dad was with Tiani. Why are you? I'm throwing out names. Sorry, T.
SPEAKER_02When she was with my dad was with my sister.
SPEAKER_03Your sister.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03And he was um he was asking her to put the the holy water on him. And he was saying, you know, put some on me, you know, just making sure. You know, like you said, he was a babe in Christ, but he was dotting his I's and crossing all his T's to make sure he got beyond that gate. And he was like, put some water on me, put some water on me. And then she was like, Dad, it's not a whole lot. He was like, it's okay, there's a couple of more bottles over there. Just throw some holy water on me. He wanted it here, here, here, here, here, and here. I thought that was just precious.
SPEAKER_01It was that was just precious. He was a good thing. Yeah, it was really a beautiful, yeah. It was a beautiful time, you know. It was a sweet sorrow because we had the fortune of actually being able to be there for his last minutes on this earth. And um we had um, my mom was right there, my sister was right there, Dinah and myself, we were all there, and we got to usher him into the kingdom together. And you, you know, you really have to be in the Lord to see beauty in that, right? Right, because that's beauty in ashes, right? Literally, literally. Um, so it was a beautiful thing, but it just to just give a hard truth. That needed to be for him sprinkled with a little bit of um compassion and mercy and kindness for and and just awareness of where he was. Right. We can't always say, well, I kept it real, I told him the truth, or you know, what it's the truth.
SPEAKER_03You're gonna die. Yeah, that's just awful, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Right. So um, I always think about that when we do this subject, but anyway, let's get into it. You want to get into this one? All right, you want to get into this one? You do because you know what? It's so important, you know. So often I say we're gonna get into it, and I went into another hole.
SPEAKER_03So I'll go ahead, you know, our podcast.
SPEAKER_01It is so important because I've I've said this before. Truth without love is a weapon. Yes, and so often it's used as a weapon, right? And that's why the Lord didn't just say speak the truth. He said speak the truth what? In love, in whose love, in his love, amen. Right? Because when you are just speaking brutal truth, and and and don't get me wrong, sometimes in love you have to, you know, come straight up the middle. Sometimes. Those are the hard ones. But to speak the truth in love is so important because what it does is it keeps you in a place of always wanting the best for the person who you are giving this truth to, right? You know, versus I'm just retaliating at you, retaliating because you made me angry.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01I'm sticking you because I'm upset with you. You know, um, I'm acting out because you said something that, you know, made me mad. I was gonna say another word, but you know it's in the Bible. It was used a different way, but it's in the Bible. You angered me, and now I'm going to uh but when it but when it's spoken in love, you're always looking out for the best, you know. But the F on the end. Stop trying to say it. I'm not gonna say it. Stay focused. Okay, I'm sorry. But you know, I forgot what I was saying, but the point is, it's when it's spoken that way, you're always looking out for the best interest of the other person. So I think it's this is such a uh key and important part of learning how to relate with each other. All right, you know, all right.
SPEAKER_03Well, let's get into the scripture of it. Proverbs 15, 23 reads, a man we just read that one, a man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season.
SPEAKER_01How good is it? Every word that's spoken is not in due season. You have to, man. You have to really make sure that it's not, you have to do your best to make sure that it's spoken in due season. Right. And when you're speaking to someone, there is joy in being able to say, Oh, I'm glad I didn't say it that way. Because, you know, we've all had those times where we've said something and we've regretted. Right. Well, you know, there was regret as soon as we said it, sometimes as it was leaving our lips, it's just like blah, and you just word vomit all over someone. There's no joy in that. You know what I'm saying? So there's joy in knowing that you waited on the Lord, that you sought the Lord, that you really felt that you heard a word from the Lord, and that the Lord had you to say what you needed to say in due season, because the reality is everything does not have to be said the moment you feel it. Exactly. So seeing a word in due season and being able to say a word where there's no regret, that's a beautiful, beautiful thing. It is.
SPEAKER_03Yep. All right, Ephesians 4, 29. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth. And you have in parentheses, I'm speaking my mouth with anger, with an anger face. I'm not sure where you were going with that, but the whole thing reads like this. Uh, let's see. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. Truth should always be said in a way of edifying the person. You know, you don't when the Lord says, don't let the sun go down on your wrath, right? Right. And when you do that, guess what? A lot of corrupt words will come out of your mouth. And I'm not just talking literal curse words, but I'm saying things that are said in a way and in a manner, right, which is meant to hurt the person. And a lot of times we're looking at this situation because this is not just for marriage, you know, um, couples, it's for relating with kids or relating with um, you know, friends and other people, right? But man, when the truth is not coupled with love, and now you're speaking words of hurt to to to inflict pain on, that's a bad thing. And the Lord is saying, don't do that, don't be that. Right. You know, can you imagine if the Lord did that to us and he spoke words, you know, um, and allowed corrupt words to come out of his mouth? He it's not even a part of his nature, but do you know how everything the Lord tells us, even when it's a hard truth, is still his love is never divorced of it, right? You know, even when there's condemnation or there's you know consequences that are coming down the pipe, even you know, you look at the old testament, you look at all the tough things that happened with Israel, it was still always said to them and done so that what eventually they would turn around from what they were doing. Right. And so we need to mimic that and watch those corrupt words and uh having a corrupt heart, you know, coming, you know, coming out of our heart. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03No corrupt words, yeah. Proverbs 27, 6. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
SPEAKER_04This is yours, huh?
SPEAKER_03But no, mine's is Oh, that wasn't it. No, mine's is further down. We'll get to it. Proverbs 26, but it it does this, yes, yeah. This is kind of like it. Okay, Proverbs 27, 6 again says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Backstabbers, smile in your face.
SPEAKER_01You know what that means. You you know if I had you you you know where you would go, right? Oh anyway.
SPEAKER_03Come on now.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes the hardest, no, no, no. Sometimes the hardest person or the hardest people to hear truth from are those who are closer, closest to you. True. And right here, you know, faithful are the wounds of a friend. And you know, your spouse should be your friend. You're my friend. Yeah, I'm your friend.
SPEAKER_03I have I have I have a best friend. You are my bestest of friends.
SPEAKER_01That's right. There we go. Same here. And, you know, I think about my boys, you know, when it comes to this issue right here. And they've had to tell me hard truths. I've had to tell them hard truths. But uh what's uh great is that they know and I know that we're not here to hurt each other. Right. And so when you look at it like that and you're not all emotional and defensive, you know, and that's your first knee-jerk reaction, right? You can hear those words because sometimes in a lot of cases they know you better than you know yourself. Or God is speaking to them about or speaking to them so that they'll say to you what He wants you to know. Right. You get what I'm saying? So it's important to have those people in our lives where you know they are faithful friends, you know. Um, and what they're telling you and talking to you about, yeah, it may hurt, it may bruise the ego, right? But you know it's for your good. Right. And you know, and we have to do that with each other. Absolutely. I have to be a little bit more careful when it comes to you.
SPEAKER_03And you mean you know my hearing can be a little off sometimes.
SPEAKER_01But it's not just you. I'm just saying, you know, sometimes, you know, it has to be sprangled with just a little bit of extra love on it.
SPEAKER_03Right? A lot. You gotta say it. Don't don't come at me with your chest. Uh I might not hear it correctly, you know.
SPEAKER_01Uh every once in a while, though. You know, look at me. I want every why did my hand fall? Every once in a while. My bad, baby.
SPEAKER_02Father. Every once in a while, you gotta say it with your chest, though.
SPEAKER_01That's what you're trying to say with a strong hand. You know, keep it, keep it real right now. Been married 28 and a half years, almost 29 years.
SPEAKER_03Almost 29 years. Okay.
SPEAKER_01How often had we really had, how often had we had to say it with our chest?
SPEAKER_03Oh, not not a handful of times.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Not no. Exactly. Because we we're not we don't get down like that.
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_03It's happy. That's not our get down. Yeah. It's happy. Or not even just a knock knock out drag out. A spoken word. Yes, a spoken word. Has happened a time or two.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I've I've I've had to eat a couple of those. Uh, you've had to eat a couple of those. Um, and after we got out of our fields, we had to realize, look, this person, this is my bone of bone, my bone of my bone. They're not trying to hurt me. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03They want the best for me and for us to go moving forward.
SPEAKER_04Exactly. So, yeah.
SPEAKER_03All right, Jeremiah 17, 10. I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.
SPEAKER_01Yes. The Lord is the one who tests the true intentions of the person. Yes, the heart of the matter. The heart of the matter. You were just saying something on the last um question that pertains to this. Um and you made me think about something. A good rule of thumb in this area is to always make sure that whatever you're saying, it stays about us.
SPEAKER_03Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01You get what I'm saying? Um me speaking to you in a certain way helps us. Right. You speaking to me in a certain way helps us. Right. If you can keep the truth about us as a unit. Right. Versus me, my, I. And not saying that that's not to some degree important, but the the thing that's even more important is making sure that whatever the truth that you're giving, it's about us.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_01You know, so that we can continue to communicate. So that we can continue to um stay on in a good space. Right. You know, so that that to me applies right here with this scripture. Okay. Keep it about us. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Not just I need to tell you something. Exactly. Right. Exactly. All right. So here's the scripture you were talking about. Come on. Psalms 141.5. I read this years ago, and it just, it was like a punch in the a face. It was like a punch in the face. And I was like, but I think I I love this scripture. Being someone who, you know, is or was super sensitive and couldn't, you know, really. Super sensitive? Super sensitive.
SPEAKER_01What's more than super sensitive?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. I was very sensitive. I took things.
SPEAKER_01Ultra sensitive?
SPEAKER_03Uh uh.
SPEAKER_04Anywho.
SPEAKER_03I'm having a moment with the people. Stop it.
SPEAKER_01She was sensitive. All right, go ahead.
SPEAKER_03Anyway, hearing when I read this scripture, I really believed the Lord. I know I won't say he was speaking directly to me, but this scripture hit me in a way where even the the hardship of it, I was able to embrace it and and own it. And I have tried to walk in this type of understanding since reading it. With that said, Psalms 141.5, it says, Let the righteous strike me. It shall be see, that's what he was doing right there. He was like, hard word. No. Let the righteous strike me. It shall be a kindness. And let him rebuke me. It shall be as excellent oil. Let my head not refuse it.
SPEAKER_01Man. David said, Thy rod and thy staff, talking about the Lord.
SPEAKER_03That's what he said.
SPEAKER_01Comforts me. The rod of correction and the staff that keeps me safe and keeps me, you know. Keeps me on track in my lane. Come back here. Exactly. And here, I love how it says, let the righteous rebuke me. Right. You know. Because, and we've like we've been saying all this time.
SPEAKER_03Let my head not refuse it was the part that got me when I read it those years ago. Because, you know, someone can come at you with the truth and you could whatever. Right. Boom. Bye. You know. Let my head not refuse. And I I was taking it personal, you know, between you and I. You know, like when you came, when you would come at me with a word or with a thing that you needed, something that was heavy on your heart or something. You know, just boy, whatever, whatever. None of that. Let my head not refuse it. Let me hear what my husband is saying and intake, you know, the things that I may need to change, you know, to to help him. Because change is good. You know? So I this was this was that scripture for me.
SPEAKER_01I love that. Um, like he said, let the righteous rebuke me. Because you, like we said earlier, you know that that person only has good for you. Right. And we should be able to say to our spouses, especially um when we see something that they're doing, or or you know, a pattern or a habit that is going down the wrong path, or you know, just any form of behavior, it doesn't really matter. And they come to you, it's like you know or you should know that that person is not out to hurt me or to harm me. So therefore, don't let my head refuse it, you know. And it's so important for us when we have to convey a hard truth, that we are leaning on the Lord, right? That our our hearts and our motives are correct and pure, you know, um, in the thing that we're saying. You know, those things are just so crucial. So so so so crucial. And, you know, with that being said, you know what else it made me think about? How you should not let the gospel and the word of God, you should not refuse it. The Lord wants to give you a truth, amen. You know, he wants to rebuke your sin, rebuke you of your sin, but also don't refuse it because guess what? He wants to re-give you the oil of his word. But no, serious.
SPEAKER_04I'm having a whole moment.
SPEAKER_01No, but seriously, though. Uh you just reminded me when you said that that it is time for the gospel minute with Pastor Bill. Oh, yeah. I hear I heard it in my head the minute you said it.
SPEAKER_03With the oil.
SPEAKER_01Don't refuse, do not refuse this truth with the oil. If you don't know Jesus, do not refuse this truth when he when you hear it. The oil. Pastor Bill with the gospel minute.
SPEAKER_00This is Pastor Bill with the gospel in one minute. Uh John 3.16 says, for God so loved the world, the world of sinners, the world of people that have sinned and rebelled against God in so many ways, that he sent his only begotten son, God the Father, sent his only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, from heaven to earth to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins because the wages of sin is death. That whosoever should believe in him, anybody can come, anybody can believe, anybody can receive him. You gotta come and believe in Jesus. Believe in the work that completed and finished on the cross when he died for your sins. Will not perish, you won't die and go to hell and be separated from God for all eternity, but will have everlasting life. You will experience life everlasting in the presence of God Almighty because you have turned from sin and put your faith in Jesus. Would you come to him today?
SPEAKER_01That was Pastor Bill Buffington of Calvary Chapel, Inglewood, in Inglewood, California. What's the address? 6201 South La Brea Avenue. Yeah, that's in Inglewood, California. That's our pastor, my dog, with the gospel minute.
SPEAKER_03Amen.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03All right. So some wrong times to keep it 100. Let's just jump in. Oh, baby. Some wrong times to keep it.
SPEAKER_01Have I ever kept it 100 at a wrong time?
SPEAKER_03I don't think so. Are you I want to say I don't think so. I do it on. I mean, not on the important things. On important things, no.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03On little inconveniences that you don't do well in, yes. Yes. Ooh, the Lord brought that to me. I said that. Yes. Come on. Inconveniences. Yes. All right. So some wrong times to keep it 100. When your spouse comes to you with an issue, you got to hear them out and address the issue that they're having. You don't just jump right back and be like, well, you know, but what about you?
SPEAKER_01Man, that is a big one.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you don't just, you know, hear their issue.
SPEAKER_01Don't, don't. Right. That that can be used as a defense mechanism. Um first of all, you get defensive because you didn't like what was said. Right. And then your reaction, your response is not to answer the question or to address the issue that uh you're being presented with. It's I'm not gonna address this, but what about when you do this? Right. Don't do it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Just take that one out. Just get rid of that one. That is that's not a good one. Uh listen to what the person is saying. Even listen, it's okay to say, give me a minute to process that one. Right. You know, it's okay to table an issue for a minute. Right. Uh, versus just responding with what about you? Or you know, you you it's deflecting, you know, and we don't want to do that. So if your spouse has an issue with you, hear it out. If you don't agree, ask God, you know, spin spend a moment, right? Ask God. God, is there any truth to this? Yeah. Reveal it to me. Yeah. And come back to it. And if you say you're gonna come back to it, genuinely come back to it, you know, even if it's a couple of days later, but don't just shoo it off, right, you know, get rid of it, or just say, well, what about you? And just deflect. Don't don't do that. Exactly.
SPEAKER_03Like we we know of a couple, and a hard truth was spoken, and the spouse didn't um find out why the the wife, you know, like the wife had she revealed a hard truth, you know, I, I, I, whatever. And and it wasn't his intent to find out why. He just got angry that it was said. You know, it was it's like, no, well, why why do you feel like that? Right. What what made you feel that what have I done that made you feel that way? Wasn't the avenue he found himself in quickly, you know.
SPEAKER_01Hopefully he found himself there, but you know, um, at the time that wasn't where he found himself, and you know, so yeah, yeah, you yeah, that that's that's an important um point that you bring up because that can happen. You you can get offended by what was said without ever looking at why it was said, you know, or if there was any validity to it. Right. Right. So we want to be careful of that.
SPEAKER_03All right. When your spouse just gets home from work, you don't know if that wife or husband had a bad day. You don't know at all. And you just, you know, as soon as they hit the door, hey, I'm home, and you just boob them with a what do you say, a two-piece, you know? Wow, you know, wing dinner all flats. I like flats. Lemon pepper, huh? That's all they're getting, huh? You know, that's that's the wrong time. Uh right after work, right coming home from work.
SPEAKER_01There are there are cases where, depending on the nature of the situation, where you may need to talk about, you know, hey, this is it, right here. Let's we need to deal with this. Right. But for the most part, when someone is having a bad day or, you know, like you said, just coming home from work, give them a minute. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Right. Before you just word vomit on them. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03All right.
SPEAKER_01When you're angry. That's the worst time to keep it, keep it 100. When you're angry. Why is it that? Why is that the worst time?
SPEAKER_03Because you tend to speak the words that match your heated emotion. Come on. Come on, come on. You see what I'm doing here? Come on. Come on. And let them use it. And sometimes words can't be unheard. They can't be forgotten. You know, in the heat of your anger, you uh, you know, that that's that's not that you you have to take time to pray. You really do. Because if you don't, you're gonna say some hurtful things that, you know, uh a mere apology, you know, it'll be nice, but those words, those hard words, will ring for a while. Some of them cannot be forgotten, like you said. They'll ring in the back. He he he said that to me, you know, or she said that to me. Yeah. So you you have to wait until you get into a calm place, you know, to to speak uh, you know, a difficult truth.
SPEAKER_01I uh absolutely. Um, a couple of things. When you pray, what you're doing is inviting God in to the situation. Yeah, I know that's pretty capped and obvious, but that's it's an important point. It is. We're not just praying for the sake of praying, we're praying to invite God in to help me hear, help me deal with this properly, help me say this in a correct manner. Right. And a couple of words that will accompany a truth with anger is you always, you never, you know, these absolutes. Right. And there may be those cases where that is the case. You always do this or you never do this, but for the most part, it's not true. You know, it's where you are in the moment. Right. So you never want to do that. And like you said, those words, they have a different, they have a sting, they have a bite, they have a punch to them. Um and they can be, although true, said in a manner that you, like we said in the monologue, never meant to say it. Motive is everything here, you know. Um, and if you're telling something out of anger, you're really meaning to really hurt somebody versus uh telling a truth. You know, let's just I'm I'm I'm trying to think of an example. Uh oh, this is a rough one. This is a rough one. Uh just I just can't think of another one. Let's just say wait, who is it about? Me or you? Nobody. Oh. It's just no, no. I'm like, what let's say you have a spouse, it could be male or female. Okay. It doesn't matter who. And they're they've gotten overweight, for instance, right?
SPEAKER_05Why?
SPEAKER_01I I'm trying to think of something that'll be and and I'm feeling personal. Not so much, not so much just oh, I mean, but just really just no, no, I feel like let themselves go. And let's just say it's an issue. Right. Right. Um, you come and say, you, you, you're, you're too big, which it may be, or you're you're too whatever, right?
SPEAKER_03Anger, you wouldn't say that. You would say you need to take Yop to the gym. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's where you went? That I'm just saying the heat of anger.
SPEAKER_01Well, that almost sounds a little too natural. You that flowed off a little easy right there. That was a little too easy. Easy killer.
SPEAKER_03You but I'm not saying this is a that's why you need to go to the gym.
SPEAKER_01But you you can also say, you can also say, this is that same thing said differently. Hey, we need to start working out to get a little healthier. Right. Right? Same thing.
SPEAKER_03You said that to me. Do you did you think I needed to take my to the gym?
SPEAKER_01No, it's funny you say that.
SPEAKER_03You said that to me.
SPEAKER_01No, well, we need to get healthier. But I but I'll I'll keep it a buck right now, right? Mama. I'll keep it a buck right now. I've always told in 30 years.
SPEAKER_03True story.
SPEAKER_01I'm not gonna tell you. I'm not gonna tell your weight, but I'm not gonna in 30 years, five babies later, um, you know, you only picked up, you know, a couple of pounds. But I love it. Oh my god, y'all. I love it. Stop. But I mean it when I say we're getting we're getting older. You know what I'm saying? We've we've crept into our 50s, yeah, and um, we're getting older, and we can't continue to do things the way we are. Right. Now we all we never thought I had to think about amlodipine, high blood pressure medication, and pills, you know, and uh all of these different things, right?
SPEAKER_03They really do.
SPEAKER_01But so we we we need to we need to do better, you know, health-wise, you know, working out a little bit more. So when I say it, I really mean, you know, we should be working on health. But and I'm not, and please don't get me wrong. There's there's a lot of thick people out there. This is not nothing on on you. We we just all know we can do better. I'm just looking for an example of how understood. You know what I'm saying? I'm praying that our BIP audience understands what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_03Understood.
SPEAKER_01You know, so anyway, I'm gonna get out of that one because uh hurry scurry. That wouldn't have been good.
SPEAKER_03When others are around, that's a horrible time to keep it one. That's a your kids are around, or your family members are around, or are in front of uh his friends or her friends or co-workers or something in the past. Now you want to keep it popping off.
SPEAKER_01Now you want to, yeah. That's a definite no-no. That's you're using that as a weapon. And you know what? That one can be. I want to say that one can be kind of passive aggressive because you can have an issue that you've been holding on to. And sometimes we do that. You know, there's issues, we're not saying anything about it, but it's building up, it's building up, it's building, it's building up.
SPEAKER_03Don't get me stark. See, I'm not even gonna jump in.
SPEAKER_01Anyway, it's building up and it's boiling up, and you're not saying anything, you're not going to the Lord. Go ahead, get it out of the way. No, no, no, no. I did, I did it. You're not going to the Lord about it, and it's just bubbling up. And then at the wrong time, in the wrong moment, right, which can be in front of other people, because that anger is not gonna care. It's just gonna bam, it's gonna come out right then in here. Right, right. You know, and sometimes we'll get slick, um, especially as Christian people, we'll say that hard truth as a joke in front of other people, and it's a real slick way of still getting that dig in, you know. Don't do that. That's awful. Yeah, don't do that. That's ugly. Yeah, it is. Don't do that.
SPEAKER_03I've seen it, it's not pretty. All right, uh, number five, the last one. Oh, yeah. This one was uh right before church or Bible study. Horrible time to keep it 100, especially if you are a spouse that serves. Like in our church, I'm a Sunday school teacher. Uh you play drums, you you give the word sometimes. You I mean, you're you're up there. Our kids, even with our children, yes. Even with our children, our children, they're they're uh on the space team, and you know on the way to church. Why are you then cleaning dishes? You didn't clean the dishes.
SPEAKER_02Do you understand the situation in our home on the Sunday morning? Why you didn't finish in the house?
SPEAKER_03Come on. Sunday morning is not the time to wait. Absolutely can. So, right before church, right before Bible study, that's not the time to keep it 100.
SPEAKER_01Real. Let's get off into a couple of these tips.
SPEAKER_03All right. Making sure your motives are in check.
SPEAKER_01Also important.
SPEAKER_03Timing and motive, you discussed that earlier, are very important. Make sure you spend time with God. Some things cannot be taken back.
SPEAKER_01Once it's out there, yeah, it cannot be taken back. You can say all day long, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to say it like that. Right. And it can be forgiven, you know, but you really put the um spouse or the other person in a hard position. So we want to really be careful of that.
SPEAKER_03Okay. A truth spoken in anger will lead to a false sense of justification or pride. What I said it. It was true.
SPEAKER_01It was true. You did it. Did I lie?
SPEAKER_03Did I lie?
SPEAKER_01Did I was I was I lying?
SPEAKER_03Don't do that. Don't do that. Okay. Hard words must be ran through the filter of God's grace.
SPEAKER_01Man, that is the filter that the truth must be ran through. Because as you're running it through the filter of God's grace, God is taking out all the anger, right? All the malice, all the bad intentions. He's removing all of that, and only thing that's left is the the pure truth, right? And said that's coupled with his grace and his love. And really and truly, every time you do that, this is a 100% guarantee. Every time you do that, man, you cannot go wrong. Your words, those words. That leave your mouth, they will be blessed. You know what I'm saying? Even though it may be tough to say sometimes, depending on the nature of it, but you cannot go wrong having something said that's filtered through filtered through God's truth and his grace.
SPEAKER_03Amen. Don't smooth the truth over so much that it's no longer the truth. Sometimes it takes Yeah, we uh uh Sometimes it takes courage to tell someone the truth.
SPEAKER_01She did me dirty one time.
SPEAKER_03No, no, sir. You listen, no ham, no ham, no children. You were merciful. You were merciful. I don't know which camera I listen now. This one right there several times.
SPEAKER_01You were merciful. You were gracious, but boy, you did not keep it real. Listen, so we had a function, right? And you know, your boy.
SPEAKER_03I wish we could show the picture.
SPEAKER_01Jesus is not with you right now.
SPEAKER_03That was all you why would you want to show just so you know they could get the visual?
SPEAKER_01They don't need the visual. They can look at my face and see the pain that I'm in and get a visual from that. Okay, okay. We can draw the picture.
SPEAKER_03Okay, draw the picture. So it wasn't as bad as I'm making it though.
SPEAKER_01We had a function. Right. And this was a rare function.
SPEAKER_03And it was a beautiful one.
SPEAKER_01Everyone was there. All of our friends were there. So, you know, your boy likes being so fresh and so clean, you know, his like his shoes clean, you know, like the smell good, you know, make sure that the silver is, you know, combed out and everything. You know, he tries, he tries.
SPEAKER_04He does.
SPEAKER_01And oh, I went and bought this outfit. Match into a T.
SPEAKER_03To my dress. We just uh match into a T.
SPEAKER_01But the pants that I bought, they were not the pants that I needed. And I didn't realize it because as I had the outfit, as I'm looking at how it looked in the store versus how it looked on me, the two didn't work well together. And I couldn't see it.
SPEAKER_03And I tried, I tried, I did. I used to be. I can be a little insistent. I said, you know, you look a little mature. I said you look mature, it's a very sophisticated outfit. Should have she should have took I was I was trying to use all the words outside of old. It was it was like you look very mature. But he was insistent to the point where To the point where what? I finally said, you know what? Don't worry about it. Your outfit matches well with my outfit. We'll stay close to your life. You have me lacking in them streets. We're going to blend. It's gonna be okay. You have me lacking in them streets. I am here for you.
SPEAKER_01When I saw, when I saw the picture, and all I can say is my girl had me lacking in them streets because your girl tried several. That was one time that she was supposed to say, bro, no.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01She said, she said, you look very mature. Sophisticated. She turned it into something else that it was that I was smoothing over. She smoothed it over so much that I couldn't see it. And that was a time.
SPEAKER_03You just couldn't see it. You thought your outfit was on horror.
SPEAKER_01Did you smooth it over? I was trying. Did you smooth it over?
SPEAKER_03That's a hard thing when you went out and did what you feel was your best.
SPEAKER_01Did you smooth it over?
SPEAKER_03I did. Okay, I'm asking.
SPEAKER_01Let me ask you a question.
SPEAKER_03See, you were supposed to be intuitive enough to understand that if I'm saying these two things, three things that maybe there might be a situation.
SPEAKER_01We've been doing this for a long time.
SPEAKER_03My wife doesn't usually come against.
SPEAKER_01We've been doing this for a long time.
SPEAKER_03Just say it.
SPEAKER_01Do we do we want each other lacking out in them streets? No. Huh?
SPEAKER_03No. Tell me if I got a booger. Tell me if my breath stinks. I need to know these things.
SPEAKER_01Even though she still gets mad at me.
SPEAKER_03I do. But I'm glad that you told me before I got to church and got to talking with people with something right now.
SPEAKER_01Did you have me lacking in them streets? I rest my case. Move on. Come on. You have me lacking in them streets.
SPEAKER_03Well, that's all we have for today. That's our show for today, people. So God bless.
SPEAKER_01The last one, right?
SPEAKER_03That was it. That was it. That was number one.
SPEAKER_01No, there's one more. Oh, okay. I got it. Okay. I got it. Number five and the last tip. Some truths should be suffered. And that's just the real. When you live with somebody, you know, for a long time, you know, we've been married, man, I say a long time, but it seems like it went by just like that. You know, I'm praying we get a lot more.
SPEAKER_04Amen.
SPEAKER_01Um there are certain things that, and don't ask me right now because I won't tell you, but um, there are certain things that knowing who you are, I can't expect you to change everything to make me feel a certain way or to accommodate me. There are certain things that I just need to suffer. You know, and when I say suffer, I don't mean like, ugh, I just know I know who my wife is. Right. I know she I know she could be a little sensitive. You know what I'm saying? So I know I have to watch my approach. I know certain things about you, and it's and when you love somebody, you you can say, you know what, that's just my babe. Right. You know, um younger couples this may take some time to get there, you know, because you're you're really trying to fix, especially Christian couples, you're trying to fix marriages, you're trying to fix everything. And certain everything is not gonna be fixed. Certain things that's just who Curtis is, that's just who Dinah is. Um that's probably not going to change. And so if it's not um something that's a real detriment, if it's not something that's a detriment to the relationship or keeps the or if it's something that keeps the relationship from moving forward or something like that, right? You know, some things you just have to learn to accept that's just my baby. It just is what it is, you know what I'm saying? So, anyway, those that's our our our tips for the day, and yeah, that's our subject for the day. I hope you guys see why I couldn't wait to get to this one. This one, it it's not talked about a lot, but it's so important in learning how to communicate.
SPEAKER_03It is communication is with each other, right?
SPEAKER_01So, with that being said, babe, you want to tell the people again where we can be found?
SPEAKER_03Okay, again, BIP for life on Facebook and on Instagram. Come on. And we have a fancy new website at bip.com.
SPEAKER_01You're gonna forget the job like this. Oh no, like what? You're gonna forget the forlife.com?
SPEAKER_03BIP for life? Did I not say I said bip.com, didn't I? I forgot the You had one job.
SPEAKER_01You had two jobs.
SPEAKER_03bipforlife.com. Check it out. Make comments. We want to hear from you. We will talk back.
SPEAKER_01Man, we are really building out um the website. Um, you can find the shows on the website. You can go and also find the audio podcast, which once again you can hear us on audio podcast at Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and Spotify at Because I Promise. Those are on there.
SPEAKER_03Uh we're hopefully soon we'll have some.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we'll get a we're gonna get an online store on there. Yeah, get some shirts and things up there that's coming, God willing, in the near future. But we are you wanna see our bio and you know, just we're really building that out. So just hang in there with us. We are we are we're having fun. We're having so much fun doing this. We are, but like we always want to say to you guys laugh long, love hard. John 3 16. We out, have a great day. Bye.
SPEAKER_03Bye, guys.