Jeffrey Aviles is an Lcsw-c who was inspired to become a therapist due to his childhood experience. As a kid and teenager, he was exposed to how depression and anxiety led to the self-destruction of numerous friends. This inspired Jeff to set out on a mission to help others. But before he could do that he realized that he needed to overcome his own anxiety.
As a child, Jeffrey suffered from a debilitating stuttering problem that fed his anxiety. He learned ways of masking it, but it was only until he learned hypnosis, was he truly able to feel like he gained mastery of this problem. He has gone on to use hypnosis to treat people with anxiety and PTSD. And often uses stage hypnosis in his public talks in order to educate the public about the power of the subconscious mind.
Learn more and grab his freebie here:
Jeffrey Aviles is an Lcsw-c who was inspired to become a therapist due to his childhood experience. As a kid and teenager, he was exposed to how depression and anxiety led to the self-destruction of numerous friends. This inspired Jeff to set out on a mission to help others. But before he could do that he realized that he needed to overcome his own anxiety.
As a child, Jeffrey suffered from a debilitating stuttering problem that fed his anxiety. He learned ways of masking it, but it was only until he learned hypnosis, was he truly able to feel like he gained mastery of this problem. He has gone on to use hypnosis to treat people with anxiety and PTSD. And often uses stage hypnosis in his public talks in order to educate the public about the power of the subconscious mind.
Learn more and grab his freebie here:
00:03
Welcome to the anxiety proof her Podcast, where amazing women come for education, inspiration and hope around healing from anxiety. Each month, you're going to hear from other women who took control of their mental health by using outside the box holistic strategies to cope with their anxiety and to ultimately thrive. You will also learn from experts in the health and wellness industry, about the tools they use every day to help their patients reclaim their well being. We hope this information allows you to see that there are many different paths to healing. I'm your host, Jennifer Bronsnick. And I'm a licensed clinical social worker, and anxiety treatment professional. I help women and teen girls who struggle with anxiety, self doubt, and perfectionism to tap into their innate resilience, get to the root of their fears, and implement custom healing strategies so that they can experience peace of mind, more self confidence and be liberated from the suffering that living with anxiety causes. I have lived with anxiety my whole life, and know how hard it can be. I also know that there is hope. And it's 100% treatable with the right information and support. Thank you so much for showing up for yourself and taking the first step to reclaiming your well being and resilience.
01:35
So welcome to the anxiety prefer podcast. As always, we get started by coming home to our own bodies and centering ourselves. So just take a moment just to bring some awareness to the area of your heart center. And begin to breathe a little slower, a little deeper, imagining as though the breath is coming in and out from your heart center.
02:08
And now begin to envision or imagine a time where you felt deeply appreciative to someone else. And allow that feeling of appreciation to enter every single one of your cells. And knowing that as you breathe in appreciation, you are raising your vibration and opening up for more amazing opportunities and invitations. So just take a moment, what's an invitation that you would love to have today. And just notice what comes up for you. Great, you did a great job. Though today I am super excited for my guests because he is the first man that I've had the anxiety of proof her podcast. So we're breaking the mold here which I am super thrilled about. So Jeffrey Ellis is an L is an lcsw wc, who was inspired to become a therapist due to his own childhood experience as a kid and teenager he was exposed to how depression and anxiety led to the self destruction of numerous friends. And this inspired Jeff to set out on a mission to help others but before he could do that, he realized like all of us that he had his own healing journey to take care of and to overcome his own anxiety. As a child who suffered from a debilitating stuttering problem, which would feed his anxiety even more. He learned ways to mask it. But it was only when he learned hypnosis that he was truly able to feel like he had gained mastery of this problem. He went on to use hypnosis to treat people with anxiety and PTSD and office use uses stage hypnosis, how interesting and his public talks to educate the public about the power of the subconscious mind. So welcome. Thank you so much for being here.
04:28
Thank you for having me on. And I'm happy that I'm the first man this is awesome. This is like groundbait groundling.
04:35
It is for sure. Because you know, men impact women. variety of ways for sure. So please tell me a little bit more about your own journey with anxiety how that manifested in your own life.
04:54
Sure. So I so I started noticing my anxiety when I was studying And it was a really bad stutter to the point where I would spend five minutes on one word. And the teachers were sort of roll their eyes back because it was kind of experienced, can you just say what you want to say, and I cut it. So every time I went to school, I had that dreaded anxiety feeling like they're gonna call on me today. And all the kids in the class are gonna laugh at me. So I would think sick or try to go to the bathroom. And my anxiety would continue to ramp up. So even when I was forced to talk, I felt like I was literally going to die. Yeah, like my heart would be my stomach would be in knots. Like why every other kid was thinking about how simple it is to talk, I was dreading mentioning certain words, like the word cat, or please, like in my mind, I will try to figure out ways that I wouldn't have to say those words, which would in turn, create more anxiety, because when other words were, that just heightened my fear of having to say them. And it just became a situation where snowballed and uncovered more words, I couldn't say like the word crocodile. And it is like, I continue to identify more and more words until I figured I'm just not gonna talk, or I'm just gonna run it from the situation, which made everything.
06:27
So was there like a mentor was Did someone step up and say, Jeff, I want to help you. Let's figure this out. Or did you have to do your own healing journey with that? Eventually,
06:41
I had to do my own healing journey. And the schools tried, they gave me a speech therapist, which was humiliating and embarrassing, because they will take you out of like, crucial classes. And they will do speech therapy, which I understand their intent was to help you but then you had the stigma, or he's going out of class for speech therapy and nobody else's. Yeah. And then there's the situation where the way you're doing everything the speech therapist is asking you to do and nothing's working. So I literally had like four or five years of going to speech therapy, and nothing was working, which made you even more this heart and it made you think I'm never going to get over this problem.
07:22
Yeah. So when was the wake up? Like, when did everything shift for you?
07:30
The wake up, it's weird, because it came around 13 or 14. And it was when I switch schools, and I kind of got to change my identity. Like I got to be a new person. Because nobody in the new school knew me as Jeffrey who stuttered. It was just kind of a situation where I was a completely new kid and I got a new identity. Wow. Okay.
07:56
So And do you think that that created like a more relaxed state? Because I don't know. I'm not sure exactly like the root of stuttering. It sounds like for you, it wasn't like a speech issue. It sounds like there was more of that, like the fear behind it, maybe creating it. So do you think that it was shifting into this new environment, like you almost like, got to relax into like a different persona?
08:27
Absolutely. It was like the new persona that I got to adopt. And it would come back here and there. But because I had this new persona gave me a newfound level of confidence. Because now I was able to speak and I didn't like ignore certain words. Now, I wasn't paying attention to the words I was using. I was just speaking. Wow.
08:51
I mean, I think that just goes to show the impact our environments have on us, like, that's amazing that like, you can shift this one thing. And it changed the trajectory. Like Imagine if you hadn't left that original school? Yeah. You know, that's amazing that you, you know, were able to find that so when you start So when did you find hypnosis because, you know, imagining you went through college, like what made you say, you know, I want to try hypnosis because I think there's, I don't know if it's like necessarily a stigma with it, but like, you know, when I thought you know, about hypnosis, it was the people on stage making people like bark, like a dog. do stuff like that. So please, tell me more about your experience with with hypnosis as well as your your personal spective on.
10:01
Sure. So I discovered hypnosis. And it's weird because I've always was using hypnosis. I just didn't know I was using it. Okay. So I discovered hypnosis after working with trauma and thinking there has to be a better way of dealing with trauma because everything I was doing, I was helpless. And I hate working with somebody and not being able to help them. Like that's one of my biggest pet peeves. Yeah, yeah, I feel that for sure. So I started to do a lot of research on what was the best way to treat trauma. And then I discovered that visualization was one of the best ways because you're dealing with a magdala. And the amygdala is responsible for processing memories. But it lights up whether you're experiencing something or when you're remembering something so the brain doesn't know the difference. So what you're doing with visualization is you're kind of soothing that memory so that it no longer bothers the person. So I learned that hypnosis amplifies the visualization. But then what really started to have me thinking is as I'm starting to learn about hypnosis, I'm learning that hypnosis is the breaking of trances. And I learned that when I switch schools, I broke the trance that identity that I was just stuttering Jeffery. Yeah, it gave me a new trance that I'm a new confident person. And then I develop. And it's crazy, because a lot of people don't believe I used to start because I'm a public speaker. So I somehow somehow hypnotize myself to love public speaking, whenever the teacher asked who would go first, I would raise my hand. And I just like, I loved it, I began to enjoy it. And that was just another state that I hit my ties myself into believing that I actually loved.
12:02
Yeah, so was it. That Do you think it was that shift of because in my treat anxiety, obviously. And so, you know, I'm constantly trying to get people like, we have to go on offense, meaning like, we're you know, so when you were in the first school, you were sitting back saying, like, please don't like, do not ask me a question like this, like resistance. And but yet, in order to overcome any anxiety, we have to go on offense with that, we have to like, raise our hand and be like, Okay, I'm scared of this, like, this is what I have to do. You know, and I have to do it many times in a row, because a victim needs that repetition. So do you think that like, that was a piece of it, where you just said, like, I am doing this like I am, and that every time, it just got better? Or was it just like the one time and it was like, over, like the stutter, or the fear was gone.
13:00
That's the weird thing about stuttering, it's never 100% gone. And tackling it head on wasn't working, because I would have teachers that that care, they love me a lot. And they would challenge me to read a class. But that will kind of have the humiliating effect, with like, they will purposely point me out to help me get over my fear. But it would make things even worse. Right? Okay.
13:28
And then that shifted. When around adolescence, like when you went to the new school,
13:35
when I kind of got the new identity, and I got to go, Okay, let's start off fresh. Like, for some reason clearing it allowed me to take a chance and challenge it. Yeah, there was no real consequence anymore.
13:49
Yeah. So when you went into it to this new school, did you intentionally in your mind, say like, I am starting fresh, like, I am a different person, like, was there something that happened before you walked in that building, like a mental shift?
14:08
Yeah, it was in the car. So what happened is, I used to go to like a private school. And initially, my parents couldn't afford it. So they took me out of private school and put me in public school. And then like, the first weekend, I begged them to put me back in private school. I had like a horrible experience. So they put me back in private school. But within that week, I noticed I wasn't studying when I went to the public school. So then when it came to high school, I was like, maybe this was this a similar experiment. So I approached it like that. And then we had like orientation, and I noticed myself being one of the outgoing kids inside orientation. So that confidence kind of carried over into high school. Well, and so yeah, until when I started high school.
15:00
Yeah. So how long do you think it took before you were able to settle into this new identity? Because I think this is. So people all the time they want growth. But what I see often and what I've experienced myself is that anxiety comes up when you're getting the new identity when you haven't, like fully shifted into this, this newer version of yourself. Did you see that at all? Like, or was there anything that you did during that? Like, oh, I'm in limbo time?
15:34
Yeah, it was just solidifying this new identity each year. Which kind of when somebody starts saying, Jeff is the outspoken one, Jeff is the loud one. When I started, when my mother started to get complaints, Hey, your son is talking too much to school. It was like my joy. The best problem?
16:00
Yeah.
16:02
So it was it sounds like it was that mix of that internal, like, I'm doing this, this is something that's possible for me. And then you had that feedback loop from the environment that helped to, to sort of just settle it in even more so that you have become the man that you are today. So tell me about your work a little bit, you know, can you go into like, who are the types of people that you're typically helping? And, you know, and how are how is the gnosis side of things, supporting them with their own goals?
16:44
So I work with anxiety, trauma, weight loss, quitting smoking, phobias, which is really interesting. And, um, women who are struggling with getting over men like toxic relationship. Interesting, okay. And what the hypnosis does is it reprogram the subconscious mind, but also give them different frames, because I find that frames are very great, because frames kind of refined the way you look at the world. And sometimes how you look at the world is was giving you the poor results that you don't want.
17:21
Okay, can you elaborate on what a frame is a little bit.
17:26
So a frame could be the belief that everybody that 90% of the people in the world are bad, okay, or the or some limiting belief that we have to shift. And what hypnosis shows you is that it's possible to reframe it. And what I do is, I'll give you, I'll demonstrate a hypnotic phenomenon. So I'll do something where you can bend your arm or you can open your eyes. And I'll show you how your subconscious mind is overpowering you. So once they understand that and get the light bulb, my subconscious mind is overpowering me with the suggestions I'm giving myself, I can break this cycle, I just need to change the suggestions and get the subconscious mind to work back on my side. Because if I could hypnotize you to let's say, for instance, not be able to leave your chair just because I'm giving you some suggestions. Think how often you're hypnotizing yourself to not be able to tackle your goal because of the suggestions you're giving yourself.
18:26
Yeah. So do you teach your clients to hypnotize themselves? Like do you give them like daily practices? Let's say that they can work on or it or do you need someone to guide you in this tool.
18:43
So I give them an audio program, but also teach them self hypnosis, which I practice it all the time is a 10 to 15 minute process. And it's kind of like taking a lap in your chair, like you feel refreshed right afterwards. And everybody tells me that dad that they do the self hypnosis there, they just go a lot better. Yeah.
19:05
Yeah. So let's talk a little bit more about this, you know, supporting women in your work, because what I'm finding in my own practice is that like, a lot of the women like I work with girls, teens, you know, moms, and you know, what a lot of their stressors have come from the men in their lives. And you know, and I'm not like man bashing I know like men are coming like it's coming out of this, you know, injure wounded part of them. This like little boy that's still you know, trying to get attention. But it's, I'm seeing it in my client. So I want to hear more about how your work is, you know, supporting women because you mentioned like toxic men.
19:56
Could I share a little bit about why I feel so passionate about this. Totally, absolutely, please. Okay, so I'm from the inner city. And I've witnessed a lot of bad things that I shouldn't have. For instance, a lot of the girls that I was dating, about 90% of them were sexually assaulted blew my mind, it blew my mind that it was so common and rapid, and it was easily by an older male. And then I think one of the most crucial points in my life was when a relative of mine, who, who was high on drugs, murdered his girlfriend. And it is, it's just shocking, because you don't like you don't really don't understand how crucial it is to get somebody added on dv situation, like is literally life or death. Yeah. So whenever I've worked with women, like I kind of always had that in the back of my mind, like, I really have to get them or empower them to get out of this toxic situation. Because if they go back, that that could be the end of their life, right. So over the years, like, I've always kind of like witnessed these patterns and tried to study to get better at helping women break these toxic cycles, which I've always felt like has been kind of like a dopamine dependence, like you're calling for this person to feel strong, or to get some false sense of strength, and this person is tearing you down, which I've uncovered with hypnosis, you're able to break the emotional and physical connection to the power of the subconscious mind. Because once they no longer getting that, that hit of satisfaction, or this person loves me, you're able to leave that individual a lot quicker. I love that.
21:53
And so are you seeing, you know, women now coming to you, like going through this process?
22:01
Yeah. And it's one of those things that I never expected to happen, like, I just used to deal with women. And if they had trauma, I would recognize, okay, this is hard for you to heal, because you're still in this relationship. Let's work on a safety plan to get you out of this relationship. And then we can heal the trauma. But it also became a situation that women continue to call me and ask me, hey, do you do this? Do you do this, and it's like, I never advertised it, I never promoted, I just kept getting those calls. And I was like, all this is amazing. So now, like, it's become something that I'm developing into a process because I kind of noticed the patterns, and the techniques and patterns that can help them heal themselves.
22:47
I love it. And I also think that it's something that even sometimes in friendships, too, you know, sometimes there are friendships that are not, you know, and whether it's like men or women, that we, so I'll go back into like my stuff a little bit. So I practice and study human design, which is, you know, based off of our energy, you know, energy that we're putting out into the world and energy that we're receiving. And there are some energies that like, we, like kind of are addicted to, like, they either they're filling, you know, a need that like came from our parents, and it's familiar. Or they're just certain energies, where even if someone's like, treating you poorly, like friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, whoever, that in your body, you get a feeling of safety, and it feels easy. So there's this, like, confusion that comes, you know, from so I love the work that you're doing, I think it's going to help a lot of people. And, you know, especially you know, and the other thing I'm planting a seed for you is to think about, you know, and I see this a lot in women and girls and teens, it's chasing the bad boys. And it is, so if we could learn, you know, the hypnotizing factor of like, you know, why are we you know, why do women like go after the guys that are unavailable or that they are the good guys. And so, you know, you could do that as like a bonus program.
24:33
You know, what's the the funny and coolest thing about this right? Is I was kind of like a player back in the day. When women come to me, I can obviously give them feedback. Hey, he cheated on you. Trust me. I know.
24:50
So what was your awakening then? When did you you know, flip that switch to be like, you know, I want to respect women and I Want to, you know, not be that player anymore? Did you get your heart broken? No, no.
25:11
It was not that it came when on, I subscribe to the same therapy that you have that the energy you put out is the energy you get. And I kind of, um, it was a moment of self discovery. And just like I love personal development, and I was reading this book by Brian Tracy. And he mentioned something about be the role model that the world will would want to see. kind of be the person that you would want your kid to be. And I had a son on the way. So it clicks to me like I can't, I can't be going around doing women wrong, and expect to have a happy life. And they're big in like this book, the whole pregnancy came at a pivotal moment in my life, because I was dating a lot of women and I was having an empty meaningless life. Like it was the most depressed I've ever was. And it clicked in me like I'm depressed and damaged because I'm hurting all these other people. Wow. Like, I can't like I have a false sense of happiness. And this is, and this is the reason why cuz I'm doing it for myself.
26:26
Yeah, so that was like your moment. And I love this. Like I said this in my last podcast, I just recorded like that. Books, like they can open your mind and so many different ways. Can you remember the name of the book that you were reading?
26:41
I love the color. I love this book. It's called Brian Tracy. No excuses. No excuses. Okay. Well, it's like there's so many passages but that one right there kind of like the be the example I would want the kids to follow because I hate being a hypocrite. So yes,
26:58
yeah. And that's so funny. Because this morning in the car, we were listening to the zombie soundtrack. I heard it, it's pretty good, actually. And it says like the singers like, oh, they're being a hypocrite. And both my girls were in the car. They're like, what does that mean? And so I like that told them like, it's when you are saying to do something, and then you're doing the opposite. And you know, like, but I the whole way in the car was like thinking about like, Okay, how am I being a hypocrite? What am I doing?
27:34
This in this also reminds me as I formed the alter ego. For some reason, when I flirted, I couldn't stutter. So I became really good at flirting. Nobody believes me, but I was like a pretty girl talk to me, I didn't know I didn't stutter, I don't know.
27:56
The opposite. Like, you'd think it would be like the pretty girl like those guys are in there. That's where the anxiety is gonna come up. But it's so interesting. And I love that you're sharing that because it just goes to show like how we're not using the power of our mind as much as we could to support ourselves. So I'd love to hear just a final message of hope for someone that is either going through a breakup or is having you know, stuttering, you know, any sort of anxiety, what do you want them to know?
28:29
I want them to know that the worst part of your life is over. The worst part for a lot of people is when you're powerless. And that typically is when you're a kid and you don't have control over your life. And as you become an adult, you have a lot of control and nothing is ever as bad as what you think it is. Especially when you compare you'd like the top 10 worst things has happened to you. Typically what you're going through isn't even in that top 10. So it's gonna pass life is filled with ups and downs with waves. There's a low and high tide, and just recognizing that this storm that you're going through is gonna eventually pass.
29:07
I love that. Thank you. So where can people learn more about your work? I'll put it in the show notes as well.
29:12
Sure Maryland Apex hypnosis calm. And I even have a video of me hypnotizing somebody on a radio show on their Hello. And I like to kind of do that cool hypnosis because I hate it when somebody like leaves the session it goes up. I didn't know if I was hidden. So I'll do something cool to confirm to you that you were hypnotized?
29:39
I like it. Well, I'll definitely keep your information and or can you treat outside of Maryland? What's the what are your guidelines?
29:48
Oh, with hypnosis anywhere? Yeah. Well,
29:55
wonderful. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me today and for You know, being the first man hopefully, we'll have many more to continue the, the masculine feminine balance in the show.
30:09
Yes, yes. I would love to have like a panda talk on here one day like men and women and we just bring up issues. I like it. We could talk after the show. Thank you.
30:24
Thank you so much for taking the time to invest in your well being. I hope you learned at least one new idea or technique that you might want to implement into your own life. Remember, you're not alone, there is hope and with the right information and support you can thrive. If you're dealing with panic are looking for a step by step process that will allow you to break free from this crippling fear state. I want to invite you to check out my panic attack Survival Guide, you can grab your free copy at www dot Jennifer bronsnick.com Thanks for listening