Sandy Woznicki is a Stress and Anxiety Coach helping career-driven women and working moms to stop being so damn hard on themselves and to motivate themselves with kindness instead of criticism so they can live authentically and unapologetically, and kick @ss at home and at work (without the mom guilt or feeling like a fraud).
Learn more and grab a FREE
Stress Detox Mini-Course at stressandanxietycoach.com
Thank you so much for tuning in!
If you are looking for solutions that will allow you to break free from negative thought patterns, worrying, and the uncomfortable symptoms that are caused by anxiety check out Jennifer's website at www.jenniferbronsnick.com or join the Anxiety-Proof Her Facebook Community
Sandy Woznicki is a Stress and Anxiety Coach helping career-driven women and working moms to stop being so damn hard on themselves and to motivate themselves with kindness instead of criticism so they can live authentically and unapologetically, and kick @ss at home and at work (without the mom guilt or feeling like a fraud).
Learn more and grab a FREE
Stress Detox Mini-Course at stressandanxietycoach.com
Thank you so much for tuning in!
If you are looking for solutions that will allow you to break free from negative thought patterns, worrying, and the uncomfortable symptoms that are caused by anxiety check out Jennifer's website at www.jenniferbronsnick.com or join the Anxiety-Proof Her Facebook Community
00:03
Welcome to the anxiety proof her Podcast, where amazing women come for education, inspiration and hope around healing from anxiety. Each month, you're going to hear from other women who took control of their mental health by using outside the box holistic strategies to cope with their anxiety and to ultimately thrive. You will also learn from experts in the health and wellness industry, about the tools they use every day to help their patients reclaim their well being. We hope this information allows you to see that there are many different paths to healing. I'm your host, Jennifer Bronsnick, and I'm a licensed clinical social worker, and anxiety treatment professional. I help women and teen girls who struggle with anxiety, self doubt, and perfectionism to tap into their innate resilience, get to the root of their fears, and implement custom healing strategies so that they can experience peace of mind, more self confidence and be liberated from the suffering that living with anxiety causes. I have lived with anxiety my whole life, and know how hard it can be. I also know that there is hope, and it's 100% treatable with the right information and support. Thank you so much for showing up for yourself and taking the first step to reclaiming your well being and resilience.
01:35
Welcome to the anxiety proofer podcast. As always, if you are a regular listener, you know that we get started by centering ourselves and connecting with our heart. So just begin to focus your attention on the area of your heart. Breathing a little slower, a little deeper, imagining as though the breath is moving in and out through your heart center.
02:04
And just take a few slow deep breaths from this place.
02:13
And while normally I don't ask you to close your eyes, today, I'm going to invite you to do so if you are somewhere safe, obviously not driving or operating heavy machinery then keep your eyes open. And I just want to invite you to ask your heart. What does my heart truly desire? What does my heart need today to embody self love, self compassion, and self care. And just notice what comes up for you. And then notice what that feels like in your body. How your energy shifts when you are inviting your heart to guide you.
03:12
And that trusting that whatever it's giving you is for your highest good. And so now you can take one more breath and back to the present moment. And write that down. What does your heart desire today? What is it that you really need to feel alive or centered or whole? So I am so happy to have my friend Sandy was Nikki on the podcast today. And I hope I said your name right? But if I said it wrong, you're in good company because I pretty much say everybody's name wrong. And I usually add that Polish name You sure did. I like mask asked before and then I press record. I'm like crap, I didn't add the same last name. So Sandy is a stress and anxiety coach and helps career driven women and working moms to stop being so damn hard on themselves and to motivate themselves with kindness instead of criticism. So they can live authentically and unapologetically and kick ass at home and at work without the mom guilt or feeling like a fraud. And isn't that what all you know, career driven working busy moms want? Like we want it all? Like we want all all the things right? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, and that. At the same time, I think you know why your work is so necessary is that sometimes anxiety gets in the way. Those things Mm hmm. So I would love to hear now that we know like what you're doing today, I would love to know more about how this all got started. Would you mind sharing a little bit about your own healing journey through with anxiety?
05:17
Absolutely, yeah. Let's take a journey back in time to nine, nine. Yeah, yeah, you know, anxiety when I, you know, look back through my own journey, there's certain time periods that that shine to me and the earliest one that shines for me is maybe the beginning of middle school somewhere around there. Because the the picture that comes to mind for me from that earlier childhood anxiety was all related around school, being on the bus, other people being in the classroom, going into the cafeteria, you know, gym class, recess, all of those different interactions with other people. And, you know, these, these, these fears of what other people are thinking about me and always feeling like I wasn't measuring up feeling like I wasn't cool enough feeling was, you know, it's, it's funny, it's just, you don't realize that at the time was these thoughts in our head, these ideas that pop into our head that really, really drive it, but the anxiety manifested, so physically in me, and that was the worst part of anxiety for me through throughout my life was it wreaked havoc on my stomach, my stomach was a disaster. stuff coming up stuff going out, it was just I was bloated. Constantly, just, you know, even just starting from a young age, my stomach was a wreck. Yeah, I resonate with that a lot. Yeah, that and the insomnia was awful. And so this, so it's, like I said, is the school bus that comes to mind when I picture kind of my earliest memories with anxiety, and I would go to bed, you know, 10 years old. That's the beginning of middle school. And I remember specifically, because it was the bus Oh, come at 622 exactly in the morning, and I would watch the clock. If I fall asleep. Now, I'll get four hours of sleep. If I fall asleep, now, I'll get three hours of sleep. And so I was just mind racing. And you know, I remember my mother just saying to the doctor, oh, she's never been much of a sleeper. And, you know, we just take these things just just, oh, that's just the way it is. And so I get this message of, you know, that's, you know, this is just the way you are, and so it's just like, Oh, I have to accept that I'm gonna feel like, crap forever. Yeah. There's a way
07:56
Yeah, well, as and as a kid, too. We don't know about health behaviors, you know, we know understand sleep and the importance of sleep for our health, all of our air, physical, mental, emotional, how powerful that is. So I just want to just come in for a second. Was there anybody though? That was like, okay, Sandy is struggling like a teacher? Was there any like helper that stepped forward during that time?
08:30
You know, my memories of that time or more of a, you know, complaint base solving the problem, you know, because it was, you know, a creative, hyperactive, easily distracted kid. And so, you know, this is early debate, nine, they said, like, she must have ADD, so let's get her tested. And you know, just to slap a label on it to figure out which drug is going to help solve the problem. And so yeah, they that that's the label, they slapped on me, and you know, and then there was the daily medication had to make sure you know, and have one and a half of these pills in the morning before I get on the bus, but they're gonna have to keep it at school too. Because if you miss your dose in the morning, then the school nurse is gonna have to give it to you. And don't forget to stop their lunch to get another half a dose and then you have to have some more when you get home. And then I mean, all of this. What was it called? Ritalin? You know, yeah, adding to the not sleeping. Yeah. Like issues. Yeah, yeah, even more tiredness, which is such a breeding ground for anxiety, just creating this, this cycle. And, you know, and this is just, I mean, this is just the genesis of it, you know, this is just where it's started, you know, stemming into high school and then and then College in my early 20s and hitting my shift at all like,
09:55
did you so you know, we talked about that like the what if thinking what are people talking about? Me, you're thinking about me like they're judging me a comparison? Would you say that that theme held true? Or you know what I hear a lot because worry just jumps around, it doesn't care. It's not the content that matters. It's the process of worry. So I'm just curious, did yours shift in any way that you noticed?
10:21
Um, you know, I think I think the core of a lot of it for me was this lack of worthiness and less of a like I can I get where you're saying, because I see this to my clients, where this, this, this this habit of worry this habit of assuming the worst and believing the worst, and you know, it can manifest it, you know, in, in shifts sometimes into health anxiety and things like that. And there was about when I, you know, after having my first panic attack in my 20s, you know, I did have some shifts into that and, and it wasn't, I wouldn't call it like full blown health anxiety, but it was definitely this period in my 20s of, you know, because I had palpate heart palpitations too. So then you feel these heart palpitations, like, oh, my goodness, I, I'm gonna have another panic attack, or the trigger for me, is the thought and honestly, this is the only thought that I still really I still grapple with from time to time if I'm in a vulnerable state. And it is this thought, can I stop my heart with my mind? And and so my anxieties have always been around. This really stemmed into this worthiness when it came, you know, from around people who are wealthy and I did not grew up wealthy and so this Oh, I'm not I'm not worthy in their eyes, because I don't have the same amount of money or if I'm around people who are, you know, I perceive them as being more intelligent than me. And I'm not worthy, because I'm not as smart as them. So that was, that's always been the most pervasive in me, but after having my first panic attack, I did have a pretty long stint with you know, driving down the highway all of a sudden, a terrible flash of Oh my god, what if I, you know, made a mistake in my car with the wheel or something or something happened with the car and I crashed into a bridge or some, you know, some, you know, yeah, overdramatic fantasy. Come up with amazing little inner drama. Like, oh, what's the worst thing that could absolutely possibly happen? And then, oh, here's a picture of what that would look like. Thank you, brain. Thank you for that. I love that you
12:37
share that because why I love working with people with anxiety so much is because they're so creative, because really, it's just the imagination that is on the wrong track. And so, you know, just acknowledging that like, oh, wow, like, there goes my imagination, my worry part, you know, catastrophizing, this, like absolute worst case scenario. So, when because you mentioned that, you know, now your anxiety is managed, you know, you know, are coping well, was there a pivot? Like, was there a pivotable pivotal time that shifted that for you a healer or a book, you know, what knowledge opened the doors to healing?
13:29
I think, I think for me, the time that that strikes me the most is just before I turn 30, and I think I, I, I was unconsciously taking steps in this journey. I, you know, I, but it was, it was this particular period that I'm thinking of that, that I realized I was on this journey, and then I started actively taking steps. And it was a combination of a few things I said, started a new job. And there was a woman that worked there, she's around my age, and she just kind of was like, we're gonna be friends. And I had like, this thing in my mind of, no, you don't be friends with people at work, because what if you know, one day like they report to you, and then you have to have a different dynamic? And then you know, he just, I was very just pragmatic. But you know, I kind of was like, Okay, yeah, okay, yeah, let's go do this thing. And then she invited me to this MMA boxing gym and that is something that's actually always been this thing. I've I've just always wanted to learn how to properly box and and properly kick, you know, not just going to like a fitness class, but like, know the technique behind it. And you could learn that at this gym. And this was one of the most nerve wracking things in the world for me, not only to go to a gym, you know, where there's like other people there that can look at you and See what you're wearing and see how beat red my face gets, when I get I just turned into like a raspberry face when I'm when I'm exercising, and I sweat like it's my job like I am. That's good. You're detoxing halfway through ladies at the gym. And, and I am not terribly coordinated, I can't tell you how many times I literally fell down in front of other people in this gym. And but the thing is, is I don't just the social anxiety aspect of it made it so hard to go and do this. But the approach that I started to take the the step, the steps I took was, you know, I just have to put gym clothes in my bag and put the bag in my car, like, that's easy, I can do that. And then once I'm in my car, all I have to do is drive to the gym, like, you know, I can drive from here to there. I mean, it's gonna take me 15 minutes, and I can always change my mind when I get there. And then it's like, Look, I just have to go into the locker room. And I just think once a minute, you know, the opposite of the whole, oh my god, I'm gonna get there and then this is going to happen and then that's going to happen and I'm going to be so embarrassed and then I'm never gonna be able to go but you know, like the catastrophizing? You know, we think we have like these crystal balls, and we know exactly what's gonna happen. Of course, it's the worst thing that could happen. I was just thinking about, if I only focused on the next step, then it was going to get me there. And And the last piece of this part of the journey that was pivotal to me, was, I realized that being in a group setting, I was I did so much better than on my own with exercise. And because of the people cheering me on, like, I got so much mental and emotional energy from other people saying, Come on, you got to dig deep, just just five more, come on, come on, come on, you got this, you got this. And it just, it just lights you up inside. And I noticed I wasn't doing that to other people. I wasn't cheering other people on as much, you know, because I was still like I didn't, quote unquote, like own my power. I didn't like the authority to like, share my voice in this group setting when I started doing it. And I saw the impact of my words on somebody else to actually dig deep and to keep trying and to to keep doing more. That felt powerful. And then when I learned how to talk like that, to myself was the biggest game changer. Yeah. So then we talk about that a lot,
17:25
like changing yourself talk. But was there? And because I think people are always like, So when's it gonna work? Right? Like, when is it gonna like,
17:35
the lights gonna
17:36
go on? Like, yes, I don't have this, you know, this feeling and this belief anymore? It's magically gone? Would you say? Was it just the habit? Was it the repetition? Was it you know, all the things that helped to like, really settle into your so it became like, a new script that you now
17:56
you know, I you know, I did? You know, I feel like I took the long path on my personal journey. You know, but you know, if I could think about like the order of operations, it was it was learning some of these new ideas this this, I remember that very distinctly the first time hearing the concept that you are not your thoughts. I was like, Well, if I'm not my thoughts, then what I am like, I did not get it. So you first have to be introduced to certain new ideas and how you can actually talk back to yourself and that these thoughts are just I mean, when they if you bring them down to their their most basic level, they are neurons firing. And so you can, we can tap into some other neurons and fire them up and create new patterns. But yeah, getting that knowledge, but then actually putting it to practice and experiencing, it's so important to experience it because anybody can give you advice, but it's until you actually put things into practice, and try them and feel them for yourself. Then it's like, oh, okay, I get I'm starting to get it and then things start coming together. And you know, almost like maybe you're on a weight loss journey. And then like you keep your cutting out some some fats and you're exercising more and as soon as you feel center, as soon as you feel stronger, as soon as you can tell. Oh, I feel that this is working. Then it's like game on, right? Yeah, totally. Yeah. So
19:26
it's just getting to that place. And because I was my clients and myself, I'm constantly saying, How can I get more uncomfortable? Because it's that not wanting to be uncomfortable? Because anxiety wants certainty and comfort.
19:46
And I love that you said that too. Because we feel like you know I'm a self sabotage or I'm my own worst enemy and my brains out to get me these feelings but you know, it's got you know, wants to keep you safe, right? You got this it wants comfort. Yeah. Yeah, like a little baby, you know, and then we grow up. Just taking kind of a mean path to get there. And I always tell my clients, like, there's a good intent behind what you're doing is there good intent behind the words that you're using towards yourself? Let's tap into that. And we'll find a new script, we'll find new words that you can use to achieve the same thing to keep yourself safe or to make yourself better or to learn more, something like that. And, and I love the question you asked, which is like, how long is it going to take like, Where? Like, how long until this stuff settles in? And I like that you asked that question? Because like when I like when I work with a new client, and we will talk like maybe like, typically tends 10 sessions we work together. And my favorite magical moment, at least, this is for me, and my practice could be different for you that on average, somewhere around that fifth session, in the middle, is a session where they come. And there, I had the session on Monday. And it's always like, I feel like I want to keep tears back when the clients like, I don't know what's happening, but something's shifted. Like, I'm suddenly not being so reactive to things. And this other thing, I didn't let it bother me so much. And I got upset about this. But like, I didn't stay there. I was just like, I was able to get over it more quickly. And, you know, and I, I just feel better, like, when you just see it. Oh, wow, it's coming together. It's just like, they hit that game on part. Like that. I see. It's working. Now. I'm going to now I on I'm on board now I'm going to keep doing this. I get it now.
21:42
Yeah. And just think of the ripple implant, that when you're working with moms are working with career driven women, how that shift Not only is impacting themselves, it's impacting their families and their relationships and their you know, work and how well they're, you know, showing up for pretty much every aspect of your life. Because, you know, once you men get a hold of your fear and worry hard, you know, ruminating thoughts and catastrophizing. Really Anything is possible, like you can do anything.
22:20
trickle down happiness is how I think of it. For sure. It's that same client that I mentioned, you know, one of her issues was with her husband. And she, you know, who she's labeled a narcissist, and he can be kind of, you know, a little bit mean, or dig at her or push her buttons. And after, like, when she was telling me this the other day, she's like, I, I stopped being so reactive to him, and just, and then he started being nicer to me what's up with? Because you told me that might happen? I didn't believe you.
22:56
So let's pivot a little bit, because I want to hear how you got to the point of saying, I have healed myself in this journey. I want to do this for others. So was there a coach because I think a lot of people listening also, were curious about how people find their passion, how do you know what lights you up? And what your heart really desires? So that What was that for you?
23:22
Well, I mean, part of the journey is, I think, when it comes to anxiety, especially, you know, anxiety, depression, stress it, it makes us act in authentically, you know, it makes us behave in ways that really are in tune with our values. And then, and then we feel like, you know, we don't love ourselves, or we don't like ourselves. So there's this things we don't like about ourselves, you know, all that kind of stuff. But I feel like it comes down to we just don't know ourselves, and then we end up not trusting our own intuition. And we feel like we can't tap into that. And I feel like as that cloud of anxiety, started to lift, and I was able to actually see me for who I really am, you know, I'm a compassionate person who's really, you know, purposeful growth is a very important thing to me. And humor is a bit like really understanding who I am and what I'm about and how I want to be in the world. gave me that access to that intuition. And as I was feeling incredibly unfulfilled in my corporate marketing career, you know, I, you know, and I tried changing jobs, and that didn't do it. And you know, and I climbed up the ladder and that didn't do it. And, and it was really, whenever I was able to experience other people holding space for me, and just empathetically listening compassionately listening, and it was so moving to me, whenever I was able to do that for somebody else that made me feel Amazing. And as I became more in tune with that, I started to notice that I was the person that my friends and my co workers were coming to, I found myself in situations of being literally plucked out, like to mediate a dispute between people at work. And, you know, I'm like, Who am I? Like, I'm the I'm like, I'm a marketing director of your why am I you know, just because I know this person that, you know, like, I became that person. And that was my most favorite thing about being, being at work was being able to be there for other people, I cared more about my co workers than I did about my job. Yeah. And, and I, I literally, remember the moment that you're asking me about when I was sitting in the stairwell, and just I, you know, there were tears of joy in my eye as this happened. And, you know, I was actually training. I was doing my training as an Ayurvedic practitioner at the time. And I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to do with it. But I, it dawned on me, I want to help people, I felt like I had gone on a journey to become the happiest version of me. And I just is just a lightbulb, like, Oh, I want to help other people do that, too. And, and then it just led me down this path, I didn't even know, I didn't know what a coach was, I didn't know if it was the thing that I just make up a job. Like, what is this, I don't even know, I just know that. I, I've had enough of my own personal experiences and gained enough knowledge through trainings that I can I could do this. And so then I sit down that path.
26:42
Wonderful and love that you listen to your heart. So often, we hear those intuitive nudges, do this, follow this respond to this person, you know, connect, like, sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and just ask myself, like, after a meditation, like, Who should I connect with today? Like who's you know, energy is, you know, calling me. And so finding ways to listen, and then you actually followed through because that had to be scary to leave your corporate job and to say, let's just
27:18
try this out. See what happened? Well, yeah, I think, you know, you asked, you know, about following tuition. And Was it scary to leave that, you know, like, yes, or no, because there was a point earlier in my life in my career, where I actually the that morning, it dawned on me, oh, I could quit this job. I could quit this career. And then later that afternoon, I did and I had, like, I, I had nothing to go to, I have to then figure out what new career Am I going to go into now. And that was a moment of just I heard my intuition, and I went with it, and I left. And it wasn't scary. Even though you know, I depleted my savings, and I racked up some charges on my credit card as a result, but it still was, it was worth it. But because I heard it, I felt it. And I just said, You know what, I'm gonna believe it and go with it. It wasn't scary. And then in this journey, I didn't do the like, cold turkey thing. I heard it. And then I was like, You know what, what I feel is right is I'm going to spend the next few years learning and continuing to grow and, and train and, and start working with people slowly and to build my practice, build my authority. And then I'll know when the time is right to say it's time to it's time to go, it's time to make the leap. And that's what I did. I did the slow burn that time. But because I was listening to my intuition, it wasn't scary. Yeah.
28:48
I love that distinction, that when you are really guided by your heart and your intuition that like I just get a sense of peacefulness from you, it was just like this is the journey like there is no other option like to stay was just way too painful. So I would love to hear just a message of hope for someone who might be in that place, maybe where we first started and the beginning of your journey. So you know, with the negative thoughts with you know, the comparison itis feeling those things or even someone who is miserable at work and feels like they're called for something else but haven't been able to find that intuition that you had, what would you say to them? You know,
29:41
any of those points in the journey? I think my message of hope is, is the same thing. And you know what, when I didn't have hope when I had a lot of fear and that fear that clouded you know me from me was this. Assuming the worst is going to happen and believing that that worst thing is going to happen, and not giving myself enough credit for realizing and remembering that I can do hard things. Even if that big, awful, scary, improbable thing happens. We forget to, to cut ourselves some slack into recognize that future us is way more capable than we are giving her credit for. Like, she can figure it out. If that thing happens. Sure, it might suck, but she can figure it out. Right? Like, she's got this, you've got this, you know, you can figure that out. And once you can tap into that, and realize that I might stumble. But I'll get back up. Um, it gets less scary. And we all want to feel confident. Because if we don't have to deal with the discomfort of fear, like that's why everyone's like, I want to be confident it was because confident means that I'm not afraid. But we got to try courage in order to get to comfort we got up the more courage we practice, which is acting, even though it's scary. The more we practice that, the more confident we become. That's why I liked what you said was, you know, what's, you know, how can I What did you say earlier with?
31:24
You know, what's something hard I can do? Or was a scary thing. Yeah, they are. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, going. And in my world, it's like going on offense. So rather than being like, wait, no, this could happen. This could happen. Like you're always pivoting to the what ifs. It's like, okay, let's bring it on. Like you're scared of shots, like go get 20 shots, or, you know, like you're afraid of people go talk to 30 people. And then what happens in you know, which, you know, is that that's how the amygdala changes, it changes through our actions, it doesn't change, you got to know that. Yeah, exactly. You got to repeat the behavior, and get to that place of like, never no fear, there is always fear. You know, I haven't gotten out of that, especially if you're going on offense and doing things that are a little bit braver, but that, you know, just like you leaving your job, even though there was no fear. There was courage, like, you had to take that leap. So I just want to, you know, honor that part of your story. And, you know, if you're listening, you know, see that it's, it's possible that it's always that like, anticipation of like, when it's going to happen, and then when it happens, it's like, oh, wait, that was like, I handled it. Like, I was always afraid of having appendicitis. And after my husband had appendicitis in college, and then that this past November, guess what, like,
32:54
had appendicitis. And it wasn't as bad as like, you just you get it in the moment, right? Like we fear that we're, you know, coming to that
33:06
that second era, the added suffering that we add on top of that appendicitis wasn't fun. But you didn't make it worse with fear on top of it. It's like, yeah, give yourself credit for the fact that you can handle discomfort, you can do hard things. It's remember that,
33:21
yeah, I love that. So please, can you share where people, women can come and find you and check out your work?
33:30
Absolutely. You can get immediate access to my free stress detox mini course on my website, which is stress and anxiety, Coach calm. Or you can also join our community of women at the graceful resilience for women with anxiety Facebook group, where we do some, some live workshops, and it's a great supportive place to collaborate with other women on their journeys.
33:55
It is go join I'm in there too, so we can all be part of Sandy's community. So thank you so much for sharing your story, your vulnerability and the gifts that you have learned. I really appreciate you and your time. Thank you so much. So good to talk to you again. Thank you so much for taking the time to invest in your well being. I hope you learned at least one new idea or technique that you might want to implement into your own life. Remember, you're not alone, there is hope and with the right information and support you can thrive. If you're dealing with panic are looking for a step by step process that will allow you to break free from this crippling fear state. I want to invite you to check out my panic attack Survival Guide, you can grab your free copy at www dot Jennifer bronsnick.com Thanks for listening