00:03
Welcome to the anxiety proof her Podcast, where amazing women come for education, inspiration and hope around healing from anxiety. Each month, you're going to hear from other women who took control of their mental health by using outside the box holistic strategies to cope with their anxiety and to ultimately thrive. You will also learn from experts in the health and wellness industry, about the tools they use every day to help their patients reclaim their well being. We hope this information allows you to see that there are many different paths to healing. I'm your host, Jennifer Bronsnick. And I'm a licensed clinical social worker, and anxiety treatment professional. I help women and teen girls who struggle with anxiety, self doubt, and perfectionism to tap into their innate resilience, get to the root of their fears, and implement custom healing strategies so that they can experience peace of mind, more self confidence and be liberated from the suffering that living with anxiety causes. I have lived with anxiety my whole life, and know how hard it can be. I also know that there is hope. And it's 100% treatable with the right information and support. Thank you so much for showing up for yourself and taking the first step to reclaiming your wellbeing and resilience.
01:33
Welcome to the anxiety proofer podcast. As always, all of my usual listeners know we get started by grounding and centering ourselves. So just take a moment to put both feet on the floor. And bring your attention to the area of your heart or chest area. Breathing a little slower, a little deeper, imagining as though you're breathing in and out through your heart. focusing your full attention on your heart. Maybe even imagine it growing one size bigger than it is right now. Feeling the energy of expansion. And while you're focusing on the heart, doing your best to activate the feeling of compassion. So thinking of someone in your life, that might need a little extra compassion today. And activating that feeling within you and then sending it out to them. And then noticing how maybe even your heart expands a little bit more as you send this feeling of compassion out into the world. Just as you sent it out, aloud that feeling of compassion to come back to you as well. Because I think we all could use a little compassion today that we're not perfect. We're human. We mess we mess up, we make mistakes. That that there's always that feeling of compassion that's available to us when we need it.
04:10
And when you're ready, you can come back into the room, open your eyes if they were closed, but please hold with you that feeling of compassion and send it out. If you see someone walking down the street today that just seems a little cranky. Send them a little love, right because I've been cranky the last couple days. That meditation was really for myself. So I am excited to have my friend Missy McCracken on the podcast today Missy and I met through another wonderful friend of mine Melissa Malhotra in her networking business brand building group. So Missy is a business mindset coach for ambitious women entrepreneurs and she specializes in mindset makeovers. Make it easy to create prosperity and success in their business by quieting their inner critic and self doubt. So welcome, Missy, thank you for being here.
05:10
Thank you for having me. And what a magnificent way to start a conversation to take a minute and just really ground yourself in compassion for other people. So thank you for that. It's such a treat to be a part of it.
05:21
Oh, wonderful. Thank you for saying that. Yeah, it's really more, you know, for me and you to?
05:29
Well, you know, I've listened to your podcast, and I love them. I think they're, it's a, it's a great way to really get yourself present in the conversation that you're about to listen to. So yeah, it's amazing. Well,
05:40
thanks for saying that again. So this is a podcast about anxiety. So I want to hear what what's been your experience. And it's, it sounds to me like you're at a place now, since you're helping other women with this, especially that inner critic, which causes so much anxiety? Where did you start that allowed you to understand what it's like to have that you know, that voice that's constantly yelling at you?
06:11
Sure, um, well, just to give a little bit of backstory, I'm a mom of now two teenagers. I'm a former lawyer, and division one, NCAA, all American athlete. So over the course of my lifetime, I've had some pretty highly intense training situations or schooling, academic situations. And then also parenting and marriage situations. I'm a survivor of papillary thyroid carcinoma. So I had that to deal with as well. What I didn't, all of a sudden, I realized, you know, I don't know that I, that I knew that I was anxious, or that I had anxiety, per se. I just knew that I was driving myself nuts with my own thoughts. And I was because of that, the lack of control over my thinking, I was having very little, you know, sense of peace. And so there was constant revisiting of decisions and conversations and needing to process stuff over and over in my mind. And I used to be a pretty intense runner after I was done with college for like, the 20 years after college. And I would just run to be able to be alone in my head. And it was, so it was like the one way that I could kind of allow myself to be with my thoughts. But at the same time, all the joy in my life was being sucked out, because there wasn't much peace of mind. And so even when I was experiencing success, I couldn't really enjoy it. Because I was immediately going over what could be done better, what could be what would make this even better, you know, what would make the experience better. And it wasn't until I switched, like, out of my legal career, and my kids got old enough that I went, I decided to make a pivot in my career, and be a become a certified professional life coach. And it was during this certification program that I was introduced to this concept of that we live in the reality of our thoughts, and our thinking, and so our experience of reality is greatly impacted by what's going on in our head. And so whatever our mind is telling us, the truth is, we experience a reality that reflects that. So when I was introduced to this concept, it made me think about, well, maybe not everybody's having this much stuff going on in their head, and maybe if I could not necessarily control it, but know what to do with it, then I could maybe find some sense of peace. And so then, you know, because of the my background, I've always even 15 years old, I followed Zig Ziglar, it's like always had an interest in what your mind is doing related to performance, or whatever else might be going on in your life and how you can essentially manifest or like set goals and make things happen. And so this reintroduction, or re awareness to what the mind is doing drew me back to that. And so I started studying the mind and how it works and why it works the way it does.
09:18
So I love that you brought up the fact that you'd had this all these different successes, and yet, there wasn't the peace of mind. And so not having the peace of mind it sort of diminished any of those successes, because you could be in this amazing, you know, getting a medal or something.
09:39
Yes. Well, yeah, I mean to speak to that. I mean, I was an Olympic trial. I qualified for Olympic trials. I was Olympic Trials participant, you know, okay, big 10 champion. I mean, we I had successes in swimming. I had my dream job at the NCAA, I was getting promoted, I got was promoted into a essentially like what's considered like a vice presidency. position within like six months, having all this success, I thought I was doing horrible. And I could recognize that it that it was good and that I was these were things I wanted. But I constantly felt like how did I get here? And maybe if people find out, then I won't desert, they'll know I don't deserve to have gotten this, you know those kind of things. So I just really wasn't totally able to embrace it and enjoy it.
10:28
So it sounds like for you that idea of imposter syndrome. Where because you said if they find out that if they know how, how terrible I am on the inside, and I'm reading this book right now called existential kink, which is amazing. Oh, I've
10:46
heard that. But I haven't read it, I'm gonna write it down. You're like, write it
10:51
down. Because it's this idea that we all have these internal parts to us, the shadow, the unconscious, that really is pretty ugly, right? Like, it's a reflection of our consciousness as a whole on the planet. And there's darkness and you know, I think that imposter syndrome piece somehow i'm not i haven't fully digested it, how it's connected. But I feel like there's some connection there. So I'd love for you to talk about your experience with imposter syndrome and moving forward from
11:25
Well, okay, so I think it's interesting, because, um, you know, I learned that humans experience as many as 60,000 thoughts a day, and Deepak Chopra would say it's more like, up to 80,080% of those are negative thoughts. And 90% of those are redundant thoughts. So when you think about it, you're constantly retraining your mind into the negative thought reality. Yeah. And so and this is even crazier. Oddly enough, the more negative the thought is, the more we're inclined to engage with it, and return to it. So it makes perfect sense that a lot of us experience like worst case scenarios, imposter syndrome, get anxious about opportunities, because that's the way our mind has been designed to work, right? Yeah. And most of us are going through life in such a way that when a thought appears, we instantly go off on the ride it offers, as if it's invitation as a mandate. And you know, we jump on board without any consideration, hitch our wagon to it, and then no matter where it's headed. So when you think about like the evolutionary function of the mind, it makes sense that we focus on the negative, because it's a survival instincts. And we have this negativity bias when it comes to our attention. Because negative info creates more activity in the brain. And our brain does not like to sit idle. So we also notice the negative more than the positive. And in order to protect us, our brain exaggerates negative stuff, that's the red flag. So it's like, hey, pay attention, pay attention, you know, and so and it's all designed to protect us. And when you think about that now, so then, as evolutionary as we've moved away from an environment where we need to survive, just by, you know, like, go back to caveman days, when you walk out of your cave, to be on pretty high alert, there could be a tiger around the corner. And then now we're in a society where that isn't necessarily true. So what our mind has done, the modern dangers are now different today, our minds are working around the clock to keep our self worth our ego, and things like that from being injured or annihilated. And so this is where the threats have gone. they've shifted from real danger to identity danger, and our identity, essentially, the story we tell ourselves about who we are. So when your thoughts are running away and going back to imposter syndrome, so if I'm in this identity, with the thoughts that are supporting a certain identity, it is really hard to outperform that story. Hmm.
14:17
Okay, so it's like, you can't really fight it is really what I'm hearing,
14:22
right? Yes. And what's perplexing is that our mind is working to keep us safe. But it's not worried about how keeping us safe is causing suffering by keeping us the same stuck in this place. Yeah. And so although it's operating on a self care mission, it is not in fact, caring for self.
14:44
Yeah. So would you say that moment in your coaching program was one of those like lightbulb life changing moments of I don't have to get on this thought train. Like, I could watch this. Thought and see. Interesting he to taking this more curiosity viewpoint to it rather than automatically. It's like thought truth. I think we do that all the time, right? Yes,
15:15
I think it was it became I was reading, I think it's Joseph Murphy the power of the subconscious mind. And he was saying a pullback and you are you are not your thoughts. You can like sit here quietly make yourself say, Hello, think Hello. And you can like stop yourself and like think quietly Hello. And you can hear yourself say, Well, if you're the observer of the thought, you can't be the thought. And so it's like, you know, kind of philosophical thing. It's kind of deep and complicated. But at the same time, I'm like, Oh, it's that simple. It's that hard. It's that difficult. But it's also that simple. And the more space we can create, between ourselves and the thought we're having, and understanding that they're different, there's a path away from this hamster wheel of negative thinking. And when you begin to understand that your thoughts influence your feelings, which then dictate your behaviors, which then ultimately affect what outcomes you have, you become, it becomes very apparent that you need to think purposefully in order to have certain outcomes.
16:24
Yeah. So is there a process that you use yourself or that you teach your clients that allows you to create that space?
16:36
Well, it's a practice. So it would be, you know, I run a six week, like Signature Course, it's a group coaching program. And I work people through reprogramming their mind to step away from that and have create that distance, and to also step into an evolved version of yourself without that thinking. And so it takes place over time, but there are little things you can do in the moment to just initially, start taking steps. And the first would be just, you know, start creating, you know, auditing your thoughts, start being aware of what's happening, either sit down at the end of the day, and log at least 10 of them, or just kind of before, just pause and be like, wait a minute, what am I thinking? I mean, we've all looked in the mirror, and had that moment where we've been like, Oh, my God, I look so fabulous. And then like, literally, within three seconds, have the exact opposite thought. And it's just these things are just you can have conflicting thoughts, but for some reason we latch on to the negative one. And we think that is the truth. Sure. Yeah. And I think some of that is because the pain can be comforting, because it's familiar. And it's has weight and depth to it and allows us to feel kind of grounded and centered, and it's calming in a weird way. Whereas happiness can feel like, euphoric and untethered and uncertain. And so it's almost like we're in an emotional addiction. With the discomfort that negative thinking brings for us.
18:20
Yeah, yes, that makes total sense. Like I just think of, sometimes I'll put on really sad music. I just want to feel something like I want to feel or like I want I missed someone, and I want to re experience the sadness of missing them, because that meant that I really cared about them at some point. So it's so fascinating how like, we do like that the darkness as much as we like the light. And then I also think about I have a couple clients, that when they're doing really well, they get very anxious, because it's like, wait, what is this this like, this goodness? Like, how can this be happening? Like, am I manic? Is there something that's going on with me, that's wrong with me where because they're just their bodies, their capacity to cope with the goodness has not evolved, where their capacity to cope with all the badness? Well, that's easy, because they've been doing that forever. So I don't know if you have anything you know, that you've noticed around that
19:25
will definitely um, you know, the mind can be addicted to problem solving. And so confronted with a state of well being the mind gets antsy and nervous. And it doesn't know what to do with itself. So even if everything is going well, like what you were talking about, we'll get busy thinking about how we can protect what's going well, before it has a chance to go away. So we're not even even then we're not joining enjoying the going well, we're busy preparing for when it goes away. And then you know, and then we will immediately jump from that into thinking about what it'll be like when what's good is gone. And then all the things we need to do to keep the good things going. And so it's a path without end that splinters infinitely. Which is great news for the mind, because the mind is happy. It's busy solving problems all over the place. But it is an addiction to painful thinking.
20:18
Yeah. And so what is that? And you may have already said it, but what's that first step in stopping that pattern? Because it's really just that habit of mind.
20:29
So I think the very first step is the awareness to begin, I want to start, you know, I'm going to start paying attention. So I'm not running on autopilot anymore. I'm going to be purposeful. And in order to be purposeful about my thinking, I first want to become aware of what I'm thinking. So just noting. And then I think a great question or a good analysis to run through is how devoted Am I to the suffering or the pain? Like, so all these thoughts that are running in my mind? How devoted Am I to those? And how comforting do they feel to run through those like, and people say, Well, I just like to be prepared for that worst case scenario. I know, it may not be that, but I want to be. So then what we actually do is we cause ourselves the suffering of going through living in the reality of the worst case scenario presently. And then again, when it happens, because and, and that's doing that actually increases the chances of that worst case scenario playing out. Right. So. So I think, again, back to your question, I think the awareness is first. And then I think it's a question of like, how devoted Am I to the suffering? Is this an emotional addiction that I'm serving? Do and here's the thing about addiction, but it's not something that necessarily makes you feel good. It's something that you almost don't know what to do without. So you put your lens on that allows you to see it through that way, that situation that way, so that you can have that hit to feel bad, because that's what's comfortable for you. Yeah,
22:08
it's like, to me, it's like, it's a state change. So you're just looking like, I don't like the state I'm in right now. Whether it's happiness, sadness, whatever, it's okay. So what is the substance that's going to shift this? Right, where it sounds like, just being able to be with what is? What's happening? Yeah, right now, sit with that, and notice it and get curious about it and see where, you know, just like you said, there's like no, from that book, she would say an excess, okay, and that there's a part of us that like gets turned on by all of the darkness, and that those addictive feelings, those negative emotional states that we actually really, really enjoy it and get
22:53
missioned to live in them. So they are actually more comfortable. They're not better or safer. Yeah, we're just more comfortable. So it's, it's the same thing, almost. And I, you know, I don't use this analogy flippantly. But this is why people are in repeat abuse situations, because although they know it's not healthy or safe, that conflict, and abuse is comforting, because it's familiar. Yeah. And it's, and they would rather be in something that they can navigate because they know, right, then have all of the uncertainty of that knowing it's the same thing with your brain. So your mind would rather do things that already knows how to do and navigate space it's already familiar with, because its primary function is to keep you safe. So the easiest way to keep you safe is to keep you in territory that is familiar. Yeah, like don't go out to the next field. Right here, and there's actually a mentor coach of mine. And she constantly like refers to it as like having a barrier patrolling your mind where you're, you have like, you know, all units alert, we're getting ready to change, don't let the change happen. What's actually happening in your mind when you get ready to do something unfamiliar, which is why it's anxiety provoking?
24:18
Yes. And yet, we are all driven to novelty and to do new things and have adventure and to shake things up and we want that emotional experience. So it's, you know, humans say they're so fascinating, I think,
24:36
well, and that's what for so much suffering comes in, right, our spiritual exit here we are having a human experience for spiritual existence, having a human experience. And since we're human part of the human experience is thinking like, we're not going it's we're not going to not have it. So it's learning to, uh, you know, evaluate those thoughts. Is this serving me? Is this taking me where I want to go? And if it's not letting you go, just letting it pass through you, we can be an observer of our thoughts without jumping on the ride every single with every single thought, and so, um, you know, I think another another great question you can ask yourself when you're observing your thoughts is journaling or taking a minute to sit quietly with yourself about who would I be without these thoughts that are holding me back. And then an exercise you can do is actually decide on a day that you're, you woke up today and you have no of your pre existing conditioning, and you're gonna operate like, Phoebe and friends and just go through the day without a care in the world. Right? Yeah. And so just to practice it, try it on for size and pretend that you just arrived on this earth today without any preconditioned. Yeah, and, and when you get to do you do one thing, even if it's like, do different dinner differently for your family, because now you're no longer stuck in this, whatever you might have thought about worrying about it or whatever. And you're like, this is really liberating. I don't have to be doing it this way anymore. Yeah. And so try start with things that would be really easy and comfortable. And, and operate on those things from a place of not carrying all this mind chatter. And, and just try it there. And then you begin to if you kind of build your confidence around being able to do it, and realizing how much of it you're bringing on yourself by staying stuck in the negative thoughts. Yeah, that's it, I
26:42
think we all just get in our own way, a lot of the time, but it's not our fault. And that's where the self compassion comes in. It's like with all of this always, like, oh, wow, I'm human, just like everybody else. Like we're all in this journey, you know, we're all a little messed up together. which, to me is comforting, that there isn't one like, even like, I'm a coach, I'm a therapist, and I still struggle with this stuff, I still struggle with it, you know, inner critic and negative thoughts. And, you know, it takes time to work with that.
27:17
That's why I like to say it's a practice. It's just like, like, finding out this information. Today, hearing something today, for the first time, like on your podcast, somebody, here's a piece of information. That's like buying the membership to the gym, you have to actually do the practice and integrate the the tools to cause the transformation. So just by buying the membership, I'm not going to transform my body, I actually have to go every day, and show up and do the workout and drink the water and all of that stuff. And it's no different. Learning to manage your mind is a practice. And you have to show up every day and be intentional and purposeful with it, and some days more so than others. And it never really totally goes away, it just spirals around upward on different levels. So you may have, you may revisit the same things on a much higher level around the next time that you see it. But as you gain tools, you're like, Oh, I know what this is. This is resistance. This is my mind trying to keep me small. Okay, I know what to do about that. So wait, you might notice it a little sooner, you might not get stuck as long. It's an evolution and a layering of information. And that's why I only will refer to it as a practice because it isn't. I think that people read a book and they're like, okay, that's great. And I have all this hope. But you have to do something to information does not equal transformation, there has to be an integration process. Yeah,
28:41
I love that. So I always asked my guests, if they have a message of hope that they want to share with our listeners, is there anything that you wanted to share? Today?
28:53
I think I'd like to leave everybody with the thought that there's nothing wrong with you. This is part of the human experience. Learning to manage your thoughts is part of what we're all here doing, and that you're not broken. And that it can change. Once you learn how the mind works, and you get some tools to help you manage your thinking. It can all change and it can be so much better. You don't even know how much better it can be until you take the first step into it being better where you can suddenly see, you know, the next level of what is better beyond that.
29:36
Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much. So if someone's ready to shift into their next level, where can they find you?
29:46
Sure. I'm It's www. Missy McCracken calm is my website. And I'm actually it's being redone right now to relaunch in August. So exciting new colors and fonts and stuff and then If you're on Facebook, I have a private Facebook community. It's called the mindset success lounge. And, and you know, or somebody can just message Jeremy on Facebook.
30:12
Yeah, cool. Well, I'll be in the show notes too. But I always like to include it in the episode in case someone forgets to go back to the show. No, sure. No.
30:20
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I love this conversation. And I know that we will definitely stay connected.
30:30
Yes, this is somebody appreciate you. Yeah. Thank you. So much fun. I love I can talk about this stuff all day long. I love the brain. It's fascinating.
30:39
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for taking the time to invest in your well being. I hope you learned at least one new idea or technique that you might want to implement into your own life. Remember, you're not alone. There is hope and with the right information and support you can thrive. If you're dealing with panic are looking for a step by step process that will allow you to break free from this crippling fear state. I want to invite you to check out my panic attack Survival Guide, you can grab your free copy at www dot Jennifer bronsnick.com Thanks for listening