0147 Female Led Relationships: How (and Why) to Spank Your Husband

/////RE-RELEASE/////

Let’s be honest—spanking your husband might sound like something out of a cartoon fetish meme or a punishment from the 1950s. But today? We’re unpacking the truth: spanking can be connection, structure, release, and hell yes—pleasure.

In this episode, I walk through a cheeky (literally) article titled “Spanking Your Husband: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide”—but we go way deeper than the clickbait.

If your life feels a little too vanilla lately, this episode just might be your hot fudge drizzle. 

What I Talk Through:

• Why I’ve struggled with spanking—even when he asks for it
• The mental shift from “bad toddler” to submissive man serving with intention
• How spanking can be a reset button in high-stress seasons
• The tools, positions, and rituals that can make it sexy and grounding
• Communication (yes, again), boundaries, and safe words as non-negotiables
• Why "punishment" isn’t always the right mindset—and how to reframe it
• My honest thoughts on paddles, floggers, ticklers, and that damn camper life

“Spanking doesn’t have to be erotic. It can be connective. It can be healing. Hell, it can just be an emotional reset for two people who are doing their best.”“Sometimes the most powerful thing I can do is take control even when I don’t feel like it. That’s when it becomes a ritual of reclamation.”

Reflection Prompts:

• How does the word “spanking” feel to you—silly, sexy, uncomfortable?
• Is there something in your relationship that could use a new ritual?
• Are you using your power to punish—or to reconnect?
• When was the last time your subbie really felt your authority through physical play?

Article Referenced:

• Spanking Your Husband: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide
  [No longer available, but give it a Google—there are lots of other options]

Let’s Talk:

• Do you spank your partner?
• Do they ask for it?
• Does it feel awkward? Empowering? Confusing?

Drop into the comments

Transcript

0:00

(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I couldn't hold it. I was doing the pee pee dance and I went before we started. So here we are. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you are not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions.♪♪♪Welcome back, episode 47. This week, we are going to talk about spanking your husband. And I know that we have discussed this in the past, but I found another article that I wanted to touch base on. So we're going to give it a listen or a read and you'll listen to me. And then we will, I'll give you my thoughts on it and you can give me your feedback if you want. But first, let's address some housekeeping.♪♪♪Wow. It has been a long, stressful week for both myself and my subbie. I don't know if there was a full moon. I don't know if it's just the things that are going on in our life, but it was just a long fucking week. Things are very fluid, very busy. We have some things coming up in the future that are very uncertain and we are trying to be as prepared as possible. And some of the other things that are also important to us are coming up. We're kind of getting shoved to the side, but we're doing what we're doing. We're doing what we can. We're doing the best we can. Okay, let's dig into spanking, shall we? Spanking your husband, the ultimate step-by-step guide. Now, the reason I chose this article is because, actually my subbie found it and I liked it. So here we are. I think for me personally, I struggle a little bit with sometimes spanking my husband. One, it's because of the noise that it makes in our house and that's inevitable. And how the fuck are we gonna do that in a camper? We're gonna have to be real creative. But these are some maybe good pointers that will help you understand a little bit more about spanking. This maybe isn't as, isn't, ooh, good Lord. This maybe isn't as in-depth as I would like to be. And there's a whole psychological aspect behind this that we could delve into. I just don't have the mental capacity right now. So this is more scratching at the surface, maybe. It's just, my brain is tired. So here we are. As you may notice, when I start reading this, because I've been quite dyslexic, I just finished an audio book. Holy shit, it was an audio book about fraud. Not really my genre, but it was quite interesting. But wow, I was very dyslexic towards the end. My eyes and my brain are tired. Okay, I will put the link for this article in my show notes. But it's, Spanking Your Husband, The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide. At the mention of the word spanking, you might come to, what might come to mind is the picture of a stubborn child whose parents slaps his bottom for misbehaving. I think this is the mindset that a lot of people have. I think changing your perspective about how spanking or what spanking is will make a big difference. It's definitely my mindset. The first time my husband said that I should spank him or brought up the topic of spanking him, I'm like, are you a naughty toddler? And that being said, I don't know if my kids ever got spanked. It just never, never really had to, but on the same note, even if they were naughty, usually me just raising my voice a little bit. I mean, my older two were a breeze. It's my younger one that, I just don't think spanking is the right route to go with him. But changing your perspective on it and not viewing it as it being a punishment for a child and more something that your partner actually enjoys might help a lot. I have been trying to make my brain see that. And the last six months have been just a rollercoaster of things in our life. So it's been pretty bland and vanilla in our world for the last six months or so. There's been sprinkles of spice and naughtiness, but just the day-to-day has kind of drained us both physically and mentally. And maybe this is what I need to do. Maybe I need to spank the shit out of my husband and that will help both of us. Okay. However, spanking here is used for the purpose different from this perspective. Similar to dirty talking to your husband, spanking your husband can help create excitement, rekindle love and getting the best out of a relationship. And some people are probably thinking, what the fuck? How does that work? I can see that. Husband spanking has been dubbed by many health experts to be one of the ways in which you as the wife can get to add spice to your relationship, keeping intact the respect, loyalty and love which are meant to be consistent in it. There is no doubt that erotic spanking may bring about a little pain, but that appears to be less of an issue if done the right way as the delight derived from it surpasses the pain. I would assume that has something to do with your endorphins and has a lot to do behind a lot of BDSM things would be an assumption of mine. However, describing with one word the pain and pleasure derived from spanking is close to impossible. The closest description appears to be one given by Gloria Bream. I don't know if I'm saying that right. Real sorry if I'm not. In her opinion, spanking has more to do with the delightful sting, the delightful warmth and the delightful vibrations that it sends through the whole region. Absolutely something to be said about that. There is, I also read an audio book on quantum psychiatry or something like last year and vibration therapy, music therapy, all of these tapping therapy, all of these things exist, but are not very mainstream. So that makes total sense to me, especially the vibrations part and all of your endorphins and it's kind of a different way to look at spanking. It's interesting. In the opinion of Casey Spank's Club founder, Rich Spankman, that's fantastic. Spanking simply put is delightful. Spanking is not a punishment unless you want it to be. How and when you make spank, how, oh, I should probably drink a Diet Coke, good Lord. How then do you make spanking your husband a memorable one? What are the steps required and the best practices for achieving great spanking that will leave you and your husband breathless and crave for each other like the way a red breast butterfly dots around hibiscus flowers? I don't understand that reference, but let's see what they say. Step one on how to spank your husband. Spanking your husband might be a bit hard if you are not accustomed to it, true story. However, the following procedures will take you by the hands and walk you through the perfect way you can spank your husband. Let's go. Prior agreement. You and your husband must have a prior agreement before doing this to him. I would also like to insert a little bit of a side note here. This doesn't necessarily have to be husband. And maybe I'm just sensitive about that because so many people in this world are treated unfairly. These tips can work for anyone. It doesn't have to just be specifically a husband and wife. I didn't look to see when this article was written, nor does that matter. But if you're listening to this and you are not part of a husband and wife combo or whatever, take these directions and make them work for your relationship. How about relationship? Okay, prior agreement for the third time. You and your husband must have a prior agreement before doing this to him. It would not be funny if you attempt spanking your husband and the next thing he does is to walk away or he feels he's being disrespected. This was what sex expert and commentator Colleen Singer was getting at when she said taking control or giving up control are both roles that require a mutual understanding and advice of what the goals and limits are. So yes, the same thing I preach as well. Communication is key. Make sure you have your boundaries or rules, whatever you wanna call them. It's your relationship. You call them what you want and what makes you understand what the end goal is. And make sure that you are communicating your feelings before and after a spanking session to make sure you are both on the same page or if there are any adjustments that need to be made for the next session. That's just my opinion. I know it probably seems redundant that I keep talking about communication, but I think a big part, I mean, even last week's episode about communication, there are things that I do that I don't communicate well. And this last week, I didn't communicate for shit. I was just a cunt and I don't know why. I was real crabby, real overwhelmed. I don't know what my deal was, but I mean, the one important thing I did is I made sure that my subbie knew that it had nothing to do with him. I don't know if it was a full moon. I don't, I mean, I just had shark week, but I'm a female, extremely hormonal, I suspect. Whatever. Anyway, back at the ranch. Rule. Your husband needs to be aware of the rules guiding the erotic spanking. Below are a few examples you can adopt for this person, for this purpose, not person. Again, another sip of Diet Coke, I think. When caught cheating. This one, I maybe interpret this wrong, but I think if my subbie cheated on me, we would have a bigger issue that would require something much different than a spanking, but just my personal opinion. And again, every relationship is different. You make your dynamic what works for you. And can you really be caught cheating if you're a swinger? I mean, I suppose if you step outside of the boundaries of what you have set or the rules that you have set for your relationship, that would be cheating. So many different possibilities. When he breaks the family budget plan, he ignores you for no reason. When he transfers aggressions on you, ooh, beat some ass for that one. When he uses foul language, I would never fly in our house because I talk like a sailor. I have a very big potty mouth and I fucking love it. When he's caught lying, when caught masturbating without your permission, that might be a favorite of mine. When he fails to call when he is late to coming home and so on. Timing, timing for spanking your husband shouldn't be of the essence. You can decide to start at any time, but it is logical if you spank your husband the time, but is logical if you spank your husband the time close to the infraction. This will have more effect on him as to the reason of you spanking him. I just, man, when we are empty-necked, it's gonna be a whole new world for us, I think. Like most parents are, I don't want my kids to move out. I'm not ready. I mean, my youngest and my daughter, it's gonna be very different for me and it's gonna be emotional when, well, my daughter moves out at the end of her high school. Well, at the end of this year, when she graduates high school is what I'm trying to spit out of my mouth. But the things my subbie and I can do when there isn't kids in the house or in the camper. I mean, we could utilize. We utilize some of that time at camp, but sometimes, God, we get here and we're just so fucking exhausted from the week. It's nice to just relax and unwind. Spanking could be a way to relax and unwind. I am a bit of a rambling mess today. Position. This is the best way to position your husband for spanking. Have him lay across your lap and spank him, increasing the pressure each time. Ask him if he has been bad. He'll say yes. If you want to keep going, he'll say yes if he wants you to keep going. You don't have to experiment with costumes, but it could be fun and fresh way to keep things spicy in the bedroom. He could put on short knickers and you could wear a plaid miniskirt, for example. That sounds fun. Reason. Reasons to add spanking of your husband into your marriage. Marriage of difference. Marriage of differences. Spanking your husband can greatly help you as the wife from overreacting to the occasional misbehaviors of your husband. When you spank your husband in this regard, you end up releasing that bitterness, but yet you won't be resulting to rejection, which is the ultimate weapon mostly employed by wives whenever they are dissatisfied with their husbands. That was a big sentence. I think that in a way, this is how I read that. This is how I interpreted it or what came to mind when I read that. So it's kind of similar to, in a way, if you're real upset or frustrated and you take five deep breaths or you meditate for a minute or, and it just kind of brings you down. Spanking can do the same thing. You and your husband are real tense. Fuck, like the last week of my life. Real tense, real stressed, or he does something that really irritates you. It might be a good stress reliever for you both. And then he is fully aware that what he did irritated you and maybe he won't do it again, or maybe he will because he enjoys the spankings. That's where I run into. Spankings in our world are not generally punishments. They're more rewards because he enjoys them. There are different things, as we've discussed on a past episode. I don't know if we've revisited it. Different punishments that you can do that your submissive most definitely, probably will not enjoy. That was a double negative. Probably, definitely. Or not, I don't know. I don't know grammar either. Enhances communication. Normally, before you can begin to spank your husband, you two must have a prior agreement. Doing this, the two of you tend to naturally understand how a good interaction ought to be in the cold light of the day. Your husband will begin to appreciate the fact that roles played by him in the relationship are just as important as that which is played by you, his wife. I mean, I think that's important in a relationship. Like, yes, I am in control and I am the dominant and he is my submissive. But it takes both of us to make this dynamic work. He is just as important as I am. I may have more control, depending on how you look at it. Topic for another episode. But it definitely, I mean, you're both important in the relationship. You both need to be there to make it work. Respect. According to darling propaganda, it is good to always play with a safe word so the spanky can let their spanker know if things get too intense. Unconsciously, by sticking to this rule, you are training your mind and that of your husband to focus on being considerate and selfless with each other. Any type of play, you should always have a safe word, in my opinion. And it has to be one that you both know, won't forget, things like that, because it would really suck if he came up with a safe word and one of you didn't remember what it was and somebody got hurt. Safe words are always important. It facilitates equality of freedom in your relationship. The general idea is men are supposed to be in charge of everything, including sex-related decisions with their partner. Don't like that. Principle, which I strongly disagree with. Oh, we're on the same page. As it goes to affect your freedom as a wife, you ought not, you ought not. I'm gonna just change that to the, you shouldn't be pressured into anything by warped ideas of what your sex life should be and by spanking your husband. You get in your hands the deserved equitable freedom in your relationship. Yes. Yes to all the things. Equal, 50-50. I mean, if your dynamic in your relationship is that your husband decides everything or is in control of everything and it works for you, fantastic. I love it. I'm glad you're happy. Not for me. But I don't like the, I don't like the personification. I don't know why I try to use big words. My brain doesn't wanna work. I don't like the idea that a man is always in control. I mean, that's how I grew up. The man makes the money, the wife does the house things. That's just the way I was, like my step-mom cooked, cleaned, did everything. And she worked on top of it. But I mean, she was a cunt, but she was like a mom to my dad. And if that's your kink, fantastic. But I would never wanna be in a relationship like that because he did things like buy her a vacuum for her birthday. I mean, I don't know if he really appreciated her. It's kind of a dick face anyway. But I think no matter what you do, you should show your appreciation for your spouse, partner, whatever the dynamic is. It's so important. I just did a massage yesterday and this comment has just stuck with me since then. When you've been with someone for so long, you start to assume things. Like you assume that they know you appreciate them. You assume they know what you mean when you say something, but it's so important to communicate vocally, verbally, whatever. Make sure they understand. Make sure they know that they're appreciated. Like I can't tell you how much I appreciate. And I just told my subbie this in a text message, not the same, but he wasn't there. So I can't tell you how much I appreciate the things that that man sacrifices for me and the things that he does to support me and my kids and the things he does to support me in my career and encourage me and give me confidence because my confidence is in the shitter lately. But he's like my biggest cheerleader and I don't think I tell him enough how much I truly, truly appreciate the man he is and the things he does for me. Ooh, that one made me a little teary. Spanking your husband makes you and him feel the natural glow of happiness. The thigh butt of your husband should considerably be a part of where you need to twinkle while spanking him. This spot when hit releases dopamine, which is capable of making us happy and crazy about our partner, says a psychotherapist, Dr. Karen Mann. That's interesting. And I do think the last time I did an episode on spanking, I think we did talk about the areas of spanking, like where you should spank in the areas to maybe avoid and to warm up all of those things. Warm the area up. Don't just go in fucking balls to the wall and slap some ass. I have done that. Didn't end well. You can punish your husband to satisfaction through spanking. Men are moved by strength and fierceness. Women who punish their husbands in a frank manner take over and win their loyalty and adoration. When you employ the traditional method of subjecting your husband to punishment, neglecting him, you are most likely to be hurting yourself the more. Yeah, there is that. I mean, your husband, here's the first thing that comes to mind with neglecting your husband. So your husband does something or your partner does something that really pisses you off and you're like, fuck, you're cut off. Nothing for you, no sex, nothing. Well, okay. Yeah, that hurt him. But then in our case that, I mean, not in our case, but in general, that hurts the wife too because, or whoever, because they're not getting the enjoyment of the sex either. Seems silly if you really think about it. Tools you can use to spank your husband. Ooh, let's get down to it. Using a bare hand to spank might be a bit painful considering the fact you are dealing with one of the tendered parts of the body of your husband. You are not looking to punish him like a prisoner either. You are merely spanking him to express your hurting and at the same time to avoid complicating issues with your husband. Therefore, using tools that are purposely designed for spanking is a good idea as this will offer the best result. Enough of all these talks, let's dive into toys. I do know on TikTok, there is a girl that I am friends with, she makes paddles and I really, really, really wanna order one. I think it'd be real fun. Speaking of spanking paddles, this is a lightweight spanking paddle. This lightweight makes it easy to hold or easy to weld. Yeah, wield. Sounds good. And one good thing about this spanking paddle is that it comes in different designs for different sensations. In all, it's a perfect toy if you're new to the spanking world and you would like to explore it. You would never know I do voiceover, would you? Fucking hell. A spanking paddle is made from fox fur and leaves, and it leaves on the spanked area less pain and the feel of it is close to that of a body massage. You don't get a stinging sensation from the spanking paddle unless it is made from materials such as wood, hard leather and silicone. Another thing you need to understand is that when you spank your husband's bottom, focusing on that part, focusing on a part alone, focusing on a part of it alone, you are most likely to be causing him more pain than the one he gets from when you use a large spanking paddle. The different types of spanking paddle with your husband, too. Take that out. I don't know what that is. So do your own experimenting. Do some paddle shopping. See what you like. See what works well. Everything in the lifestyle is trial and error. To be honest, that's just how I feel. How to spank your husband using a spanking paddle. Spanking paddle with two sides is the best to pick if you are looking to explore with the aim of choosing the one that offers you what you want. And don't forget that the best part of the bottom is to aim, the best part of the bottom to aim for while spanking is the thigh and butt. This will ensure you keep things safe and nice. This is my favorite, a flogger. More of a long string-like material connected to a handle. Only the tips of the strings are expected to touch the targeted area when you spank your husband with the flogger. The technicality it requires in terms of its usage makes it a bit more complex to use and more of a design meant for the pros. How it feels, the amount of pain your husband gets when a flogger is used on him will depend on how it's, depend on how the flogger is made and most importantly, the manner with which you spank him. To hang on, to have a hang on, I almost clucked. To have a hang on of how the flog, how to use a flogger, local sex shop may have some books on this. So you can do your own research. You can probably find things online too if you don't wanna go to a bookstore. You can also try exploring YouTube. YouTube is a vast array of videos on all the things. There are tons of videos that will teach you how best to use the flogger. If you look at this article, there's some parts or there's some different links to different videos. A tickler. Ticklers are known for their ability to be used at a considerable distance due to their long length. They have been described to offer more sensation to the receiver's body compared to other spanking tools. Ticklers come in different types, soft suede strands, feathers, metal bands, rubber strands, and so forth. A tickler, just as the name implies, gives the receiver a tickling sensation. And the reason for this is no more than a soft and gentle feeling, no more than the soft and gentle feeling it leaves on the body. However, if you use a ticker violently on your husband's bottom, it may lead to some burning sensation on his body. So you need to use your tickler in the right manner to avoid this. Riding crop. When you take a good look at the riding crop, you'll notice it consists of a cane and a paddle. It is a multipurpose toy. It can be used as a horse whip. It can also be used on human beings for erotic spanking to induce sensational feelings. I think you're getting the gist of all of these. I mean, a whip, they have a whip listed. I like, I think it's the riding crop I like because it makes a fantastic noise. And another trick I learned that when you spank, like if you're spanking with your hand or a riding crop or whatever you use, you hit or you, when it makes impact, hold it. So like if I was slapping my subbie's ass with my hand, slap and hold. It intensifies the feeling. Maybe not good, but I mean, I think it intensifies the pain, which, I think that kind of concludes, let's see. So here's the conclusion of the article. There are other things. There's an FAQ section if you want to go check it out. It's a pretty interesting article. The conclusion says this. Just like when parents won't hesitate to give their child the six of the best for, I do not know what the fuck this is supposed to say. I'm going to read it just like it says. Just like when parents won't hesitate to give their child the six of the best for mouthing off, you shouldn't give it a second thought to spank your husband when you feel he deserves one. I don't know. Even though spanking could come with a sting burn, stinging, what? Even though spanking could come with a sting burn on men, but the relief it offers his body and that of yours.