0210 Female Led Relationships: Chastity in FLR: The Psychological Shift No One Talks About

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This episode came from a listener question, and it turned into one of those conversations that goes way deeper than expected.

We’re talking about the psychological side of chastity — not just the physical aspect, but what actually shifts in your relationship, your mindset, and your connection when control over orgasm becomes part of the dynamic. 

From the beginning, chastity isn’t just about locking something away. It’s about what that act represents.

For my subbie, it created an immediate shift in focus. The second that lock clicks, something changes mentally. Attention increases. Connection deepens. There’s a stronger pull toward touch, closeness, and serving. It’s not subtle — it’s noticeable, even to people outside the relationship.

And from my side, I had my own reactions to it.

There was excitement, sure — but also questions. Is this safe? What does this actually mean long term? How does this affect our relationship day-to-day? Because at the end of the day, we’re not living in some fantasy world. We have jobs, responsibilities, kids, and real life happening around us.

That’s what this episode really gets into.

We talk about how chastity can become something that strengthens connection in a way that isn’t always visible. It becomes this constant, underlying thread between two people. Something private. Something intentional.

We also address a big misconception — that chastity and sex drive don’t work together.

That’s just not true.

You don’t have to give anything up. You build your own dynamic. If you want the cage off, it comes off. If you want control, you take it. There are no rigid rules here outside of consent, communication, and safety.

What matters most is understanding what it means to you as a couple.

Because at its core, chastity isn’t about restriction.

It’s about focus, connection, and intentional control within a relationship that continues to evolve over time.

Transcript

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You like my jugs? You're welcome. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. We're 10 episodes into this bad boy. 10 episodes. One season down. Many more to go. Crazy. And what are, what did you say we're at for downloads? Like you guys fucking rock. We are, um, oh, I'm the subby by the way. Yeah, he's here. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being here. We are at 142,000 downloads since we started this. You guys are fucking amazing. It's a crazy number. Today, we are going to be talking about an email that I got. It was a topic that somebody suggested via email about the psychological aspects of chastity. And since it's not my little dick locked in a cage. It's mine. He's here. So let's talk about it. But first let me scoot my chair up. Housekeeping. One. Oh, we got some housekeeping today. We, we do kind of, don't we? What are we starting with? Um, we are going to start with, I'm all done with the affiliate things. I'm a little bit discouraged with all of that. And you guys don't want to listen to ads. You're here to listen to me talk about my tiny subbies weenie. This podcast is more about having good conversations about an FLR, a female led relationship, marriage, whatever about FLM. FLM, female led marriages. And just how it works with, um, you know, everyday things, you know, we don't live in porns. You know, we go to work and we shovel snow or he mows the lawn or he mows the lawn. I don't know what y'all do in the South. Um, we're about to find out though. Yeah, we are pretty excited about that. So it's, it's more about how it works with day-to-day stuff because we have all have day-to-day stuff. We have kids, we have bills, we have all that stuff. So that's what this podcast is. That's what it's for. Right. And we all get to learn a lot of stuff along the way. Because not all of us know everything, right? I sure as fuck don't. I sure as fuck don't. So we get to learn and you all get to learn along with us. And that's what it's for. I know this podcast is not free to produce. No. However, I value your time and try to make these, um, edible doses or listenable doses. However, we try to keep it short and sweet. However, when my subbies here, we tend to get a little long-winded. I also tend to get a little long-winded sometimes, but it's not free to produce this podcast. And there are other ways you can support me if you so feel inclined. However, there's no amount of money anyone could give me that would equal the value of the appreciation and the emails and the things that I get from people saying, keep doing this. I love it. It's real. It's raw. And building the community. Yeah. You know, that's what this is for. So it's not, this podcast is not about money, um, but it takes time to do. So we sometimes spend, oh, I don't know, 10, 15, sometimes 20 hours with all of the production stuff that goes into it and all the marketing and all the things. Um, it takes time to do these things. So it's more his time than mine. I just use my voice, talk to you all. And then he takes it from there. Somebody should shut their sound off on their phone. I'm pretty sure that was you. Mine's off. I turned mine off. It's off. I didn't get the notification. I think you did. Fuck off. It's my fucking podcast. I'm going to edit that right out. Seems silly. You just proved you were right once. No, but it takes, it takes time to do this. Um, it takes a little bit of hosting for, especially as the downloads increase. Now we have, it's a little bit more to host it. Um, we host the website, all the things, right. Um, and it's not, we're not talking hundreds of dollars a month or anything, whatever, but it's maybe a hundred dollars a month. It's probably right, right around there. So if a fantastic deal comes along from somebody that we know that you guys would like to hear from, we will have conversations with them and try to figure out how we would work that into the podcast. So I don't see that happening anytime in the right. So you guys will get to enjoy this podcast commercial free, right. And I will go on record as saying, and this will stand that if Adam and Eve contacts us about any, any sort of, uh, advertising, they can fuck right off. Fuck right off. So moving on on that note, not that we're bitter. No, not listen. Yeah. And not to mention that toys and things like that. I got another email too. I've had a lot of caffeine today, bear with me, but toys are expensive and totally lost my train of thought of where I was going with that. But, uh, toys are expensive. And, uh, I understand where having an affiliate program was like love ends, for example. I appreciate whoever has ordered from there more than, you know, that is fantastic. They are amazing toys. However, they are on the pricey side, but you get what you pay for. I mean, they are a fantastic, durable, long lasting toy. Right. Yeah. Oh, that's what I was going to say. I remember a toy review. I am working on doing an episode on different toys. However, I need to build up my collection a little bit and have the time to really give them a run for their money, so to speak. So I hear you. I would love to do one. It is a work in progress. It may take some time. I'm hoping early spring, maybe once the campground opens. Um, I will hopefully have a toy review. I mean, I can review our love ends from now until next week. I fucking love the toy we have from love ends. It's my favorite by far. Right. But anything other than that, I have to work on building up a collection of things that I think would be interesting for you to hear me do a review on. So I am working on that. However, I can't remember who mailed that to me, but I am going to do that. It's a fantastic idea. It just will take some time. And we will keep, um, we will keep the love ends and brew tech, another fantastic company. We love them. We love their stuff. I do. We will keep their links in the bio. If you're interested in those things, a little blurb about them, um, that really doesn't hurt anything, you know, um, but we don't really need to take a podcast time with that stuff. No. And let me just say this about brew tech, um, or planetary design, whichever. Right. I did order, uh, they had a sale, like a grab bag sale and it was like $20 and I got the, uh, French press and, um, something else. I can't remember, but they're misprinted items or yeah. Misprinted items that didn't, uh, weren't able to be part of an order that somebody had placed for a large order or whatever. That is a great way to go to just try it out and see if you like it. You don't care what's on the cup itself. You just order the, it's like a grab bag. I don't know. It was 20 bucks and it's normally like 60. So, I mean, it's a, it's a decent savings and I fucking love it. Right. And I don't care what's on the outside of it. So Lovins and brew tech, we thank you for coming along board with us. Brew tech, planetary design. It's the same brew tech is the cup name or side of it, but planetary design has a bunch of different things. We, we, um, we strongly endorse those two, but we're not going to take up podcast time with it anymore. They'll, the links will be available in the show notes of all the episodes and that's just where we'll leave it. And if you hear whining in the background, one of the dogs is not happy about being locked in the hallway right now. Right. We're talking and he can't see us. So that's a real problem. Yep. I don't know that there was anything else we were going to talk about. So that's probably it. Yeah. For housekeeping. Shall we dive in? Okay. So I, this is the context of what we are going to be discussing. I assume we will get railroaded a little bit and go zigzaggy. Cause that's how my brain works. I would like to think that's what everybody loves about me. Maybe. Anyway, both of us. So the email wants us to discuss the psychological aspects of chastity. What thoughts went through both of our heads when the, when the lock up first starts as it extends over and as it extends over a long period of time. And specifically my subbie talk about his longing and needs as time goes on. And I will talk about how this can work even with a minimal sex drive. Okay. So let's dive in. Yeah. Unpack that little by little. Okay. So first, what do you think the psychological, I'm going to need to leave those on. Sorry about that. What do you think the psychological aspects of chastity are psychologically? That's a heavy question. That is a heavy question. I'll preface it by saying that this is just one guy's opinion on things, not formally trained or educated or whatever. Just I can speak from my experiences. All of this is really, I mean, just note that as you're listening, this is just how it was for us specifically because we were the ones that were asked. So my opinion on the psychological aspects of it, starting with the, okay. So starting with first learning about it, okay. My personal experience was the very first one that I saw, I was excited. I didn't even know that this was a thing and now I do. So I'm really excited about this and doesn't that hurt? Okay. Quick time out. Was this after you met me or had you discovered chastity prior to me? Anybody that's new here might need to know this. Right. So I think that, I don't know that I had known anything about it until we were together. Yeah. I think that's what we agreed on. Yeah. I think because you discovered it on, what's that? Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Thank you, Tumblr. Yeah. It's Tumblr's fault we went down this road. I like it. Thanks, Tumblr. Yeah. I was very excited, like I said, and a little bit of cautious, like, doesn't that hurt? You know, and the more, honestly, so the more that that became prevalent in my feed on Tumblr, the more excited I got about what that could mean to us as a couple. And meaning, you know, if I'm putting my dick in a cage, right, that is complete control. That is. Complete submission. Yeah. Right. Complete control by Christine, complete submission on my part, because I think I've read this or heard this before, that once you take away a man's orgasm, you pretty much have free range. Like you can control him by controlling his orgasms. And then on that note, men, once your focus is shifted from the importance of your orgasms to the importance of your dominant wife, girlfriend, partner, whatever, that is a radical change in your relationship. Well said. Psychologically for me, when you brought up Chastity to me, so I have been cheated on in the past. I was like, yeah, let's lock that shit up. Not that I distrusted him. I mean, we had some bumpy parts in our future, or in our future, in our past. Not in our future. I mean, we have bumpy parts, but not those types of parts. But I was very, I mean, I had been exposed to a lot real fast. So. Sorry about that. Well, but it wasn't, I mean, it was just like two opposite worlds. And all of a sudden I was totally immersed in a world I didn't really even know existed. So really nothing shocked me by the point we got to talking about Chastity. And I don't know, like the idea of having that much control. It's kind of like the second I put on a strap on. It's like every bone in my body is like, yes. So I was very excited for the Chastity thing. I needed a little bit more information. I needed to know because I obviously being a mom, I'm like, okay, is this dangerous? Is this going to hurt him? Will this have long-term effects? I mean, he's getting older, but way more handsome. Nice save. So I was concerned about the health aspects of it. And then, you know, I just needed to learn more information and that took some time. But when he first introduced the idea of Chastity to me, he sent me a picture of a dick in a cage. And this is not a normal response, but I sent back in all capital letters, fuck yes. I never in a million years would have thought that would have been something that would have been a turn on to me. But holy shit, there is nothing sexier than a dick in a cage. Okay, there probably is things to other people. But to me, I really, really like it a lot. Mm-hmm. So then moving on past the introduction of it on like a day-to-day basis. So wearing it psychologically, I'm not even kidding. To me, it feels like her hand is holding that area 24-7. You can say cock and balls on my podcast. Right, but I don't want to say it too loud, but. Fuck it. Yeah, whatever. Chuck it in the fucking bucket. Her hand is constantly holding my cock and balls. I like it a lot. And that is like she's with me 24-7. Which is also why we do the metal cage. I think I said that before too. I really, really like the weight that he gets from, and sanitary. Right. It's much better, but. Right. So that the weight of it is, you feel it all the time. And I work a pretty active job. So I'm crouching down or bending over or walking a lot, going up and down stairs a lot, on my knees and up and whatever. And with every movement, you feel it. Which means then with every movement, I feel her with me. Oh, that's so sweet. That's to me, that's what that is. So that's the day-to-day basis. Yeah. And I don't know, I guess that kind of answers. Well, I guess I have a question for you. Do you feel, because this kind of leads into your longing as time goes on. Okay. Do you think me personally, here's my opinion before I ask him my question. My question is, do you think that your longing or your attentiveness or anything like that increases as time goes on, as you wear the cage? My opinion is the second that lock clicks, it like flips a switch in his head. It's kind of like when I, again, put a strap on, it's like something just switches. And I don't know, it's almost like your brain is connected to your genitals and not in a bad way. I mean, that lock clicks and you feel that weight and- Right, it's almost the same, but completely opposite of men who think with their dicks. True story. You know what I mean? So since that is locked, once it clicks or whatever. And I don't know if consciously I make a switch. I don't think it is. I think it's subconsciously. I think, I don't really notice that my demeanor changes. I don't really notice these things necessarily, but at the same time, there is a stronger attentiveness, a stronger like- Need to serve me. Right, need to serve, need to be in contact. Like every time when we are in bed, our feet are always touching or we are touching or whatever. It's just the need for the contact. Nothing better than a cage jammed into my butt a little bit as we go to sleep. And that happens sometimes. It's a fantastic feeling. He gets to be the big spoon every now and then. Sometimes. So what were we talking about again? Sorry, did I distract you with the cage jammed into my butt? Yeah, you kind of did. The difference in your attentiveness and like, does your longing increase? I mean- Yes, well, I crave her like a hundred fold more when I'm caged. I mean, I crave her that much in general, but I have... I'm giving him my fuck me eyes right now. Yeah, I crave her that much more when I'm caged. Like I just crave the contact and the affection and all of that. Yeah, he, you know, I have maybe thought that I was the only one that noticed it as much, like maybe he wasn't really, maybe there wasn't really that big of a change with him. But I mean, people outside of our relationship can notice too. Like when I used to go down to my hometown and play darts and he would be caged, I would make him get all of our drinks and he would do that even if he wasn't caged. But it's a whole different experience for him. Yeah, it's a different thing. Yeah, when the cage is on as opposed to when it's not. Yeah, I mean, as far as that goes, I would normally just as a nice thing to do and you're busy doing your thing and your friends are busy doing your thing, then I'm just sitting there doing nothing. I should just, I would go get the drinks or whatever. However, being caged, I completely view it as serving you and your friends when I go do the things. It's also kind of like a deeper connection for us. It's like, it's our secret in a way. I mean, obviously it's not a secret, we're talking about it on a podcast, but it's all of our secrets. It's like, yeah, don't tell anyone, just kidding. You and 140,000 people. God, that fucking blows my mind. Okay, so I think that it kind of strengthens our bond and it's just a way of him. It's certainly one more thing that connects us that is unseen. It's under the radar, but it's an absolute strong connection. And selfishly, I very much like wearing the key where it is visible to everybody. I like having it on my neck. I like, I don't really care if people ask me what it is. As time has progressed, I usually will just say it's the key to my, well, it depends on who I'm talking to, but sometimes I'll just say it's the key to my subbie's heart. It's the key to my hubby's heart, whatever the case may be. But now it's kind of getting to the point where somebody asks, I'm just about ready to, oh, it's the key to my husband's cock cage. Depending on. Yeah. I mean, obviously I'm not going to say that to my kids or my grandparents or whatever the case may be. But, and as time goes on, who knows, but that would probably knock my grandparents off their socks. I think that kind of answers the question as far as, I mean, he always has a longing for me. However, I will say like, okay, so at night when we get into bed lately, just because we are very intentional with where I'm on my left side and he's behind me locked up that I am the one that uses the key to unlock him when he is not used my hand to lock. He still has a reaction. Obviously, we don't always get that. If there's a situation by himself or whatever needed to clean, whatever the case may be. Right. But it's breathing heavy and like that sometimes his body will shake instance of either unlocking him. I much prefer the locking part, but it is just an intense feeling like it's like a jolt of energy when you hear that lock click. It's interesting. Like, like I feel that too when I lock that. Interesting. I mean, I know you feel it because your eyes like roll back in your head when you hear the little click. Yes. So if you've ever watched a movie where the cell door closes on a prisoner and just to look on their face like there is no escape from what was just closed in front of me. You know, it's very it's very final. It's very gosh, I can't think of the word. It's very well, it's significant. It's final. It's permanent. It's permanent. Yes, it's well. Permanent is maybe not the right word. Temporarily permanent. Yes. And listen, this reaction or what we're talking about may not happen for everybody. It really depends on the headspace and the weight you put on what chastity means to you and what it means to your relationship. Not everybody is going to feel this. Right. Everybody processes emotions differently. Every human being is different. So and chastity may mean many different things. We've talked about this. There's many different ways to practice chastity. It doesn't have to be all the time thing. It can be a weekend thing. It can be right. You know, it can be whatever you want it to be. It's your relationship to do with what you see fit. Obviously, you need consent. But right. Where are you with your question? So the last the last question we have is, you know. A lot of people are hesitant with chastity because of sex drive. Women are like, I would never lock his dick in a cage because I like having sex. Well, listen, you're in control. So if you want to make him take that motherfucker off every single night so that you can fuck him, that is your choice. You're in control. If you I mean, there are no real rules to chastity other than the solid rule of, you know, consent. And you have to know when to take it off. You can't. Right. As far as hygiene and just things like that, safety and all of that. And we've done episodes about that. So I'm not going to get real deep into that. But I don't generally have a huge sex drive. So listen, ladies out there, it's OK if you are. I mean, women have so much on their brain all the time. Not that men don't. But women tend to be some women tend to be overthinkers. I am a huge overthinker. It like I mentioned on my last kind of bare all podcast, you know, sometimes I can't. I can't have a hard time getting out of my head sometimes to even really enjoy when we are intimate together. I'm thinking about a bill that's due or something that needs to be done for the kids or fuck. I left dirty dishes in the sink. I hate that or whatever. You know, I guess my biggest thing is, is. Don't don't get in your own head about practicing chastity and don't connect it to your sex drive. I mean, you make your chastity. What would be not adventure your chastity experience? Yes, that is the word. Your chastity experience is yours and yours alone. You create your own dynamic with that. Like I said, if you have a high sex drive and you really enjoy having sex with your husband, they can take it off. He can take it off and put it back on in the morning. You can have sex and he can put it right back on. I mean, I would wash first, but however, however, that works for you. Just because you really enjoy having sex with your husband or subby or whatever your name is for him. That doesn't mean you can't participate in chastity and always take it slow when you're starting out. Again, we've done an episode on that, so I'm not going to delve into that too much. But I just think the biggest misconception is I really like having sex with my husband. Why would I want to lock his dick in a cage? Just because you're locking it in a cage doesn't mean you don't want to have sex with him. But let me tell you. Correct. Because you're only having sex for, okay, five minutes, 10 minutes, an hour, 30 seconds, whatever, whatever it might be. What about those other 23 hours and whatever? Yeah, you make this your own. And just because something is there, it can be removed. You can still participate in the activities that you enjoy. And listen, there are toys that you can put on. And this will be in my toy review down the road. There are toys that can go over that cage where you can still do your thing. And if that's something that interests you, if it doesn't, I mean, it interests the fuck out of me, but it's not for everyone. And that isn't, I mean, you make it your own, do what you want. Right. And once you get into chastity, you may find that your sex drive increases. You may find that because the experience that you're going through, the connection that you feel with your husband, boyfriend, partner, whatever. How he changes too. Right. How he changes may change your attitudes in the relationship in general. You know what I mean? Not that this is a magical cure of any sort or whatever, but it's something that you two share that's very private. And a man who is willing to do this sort of thing may bring your relationship to a whole different level. Again, just my opinion. Yeah. I think that touches on everything. Don't let your sex drive determine anything. I mean, mine hasn't, well, it hasn't necessarily increased, but I have a lot going on around me that really sucks that part of me away. Like if my husband was home all day and we had an empty house, we would have sex all the time, especially at two o'clock. Seems to be the horny hour. Noted. Two o'clock, sex or nap? Well, we're coming up on two now. Fitty, fitty shot. Yeah. We have a kid in the house. And I'm working a lot less now. So there is that. Why are you pushing me, man? And we have a camper in the driveway. Fur. That has a heater in it. Stilburr. Not Stilburr. It was really nice yesterday. Stilburr? What is that? Stilburr. Ah. I would also like to say that if you're getting into this, if you're curious about this, please, please, please do not sprint into any of this. You know, take or give our podcast, you know, what you learn from or don't learn from it. That's fine. There's tons of blogs. There's other podcasts. There's all of that. Don't go to the porn channels and learn from what is on the porn channels about all of this. There's such a deeper connection, a deeper meaning to this whole thing than what you see in a five minute video about stepmom and whatever. I don't know. Well, and here's the other thing. If you're going to go, I mean, a porn channel is not necessarily a bad avenue, but you have to really take what you see with a grain of salt. Right. I mean, what you're going to see in that porn channel is probably going to be like something you would experience in a real deep scene play or. Yeah. It's not a permanent thing. It's not going to give you a real idea of what this lifestyle is. Right. It's not a realistic view of what this is. So I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm just saying, I mean, everybody likes to watch porn. Right. So the porn view is maybe a sliver in the giant pie of what this is. It's more of a superficial idea. It is not, you know, I mean, you really. Yeah. Like our whole point of this podcast or having these discussions is to really take that aspect of it away and really give you the deeper meaning or what it means to us and. Yeah. How it works in our lives. Right. And guys, there's a whole other podcast that we could talk about the day to day. You know, what would happen from day to day if you were caged all day long, you know, going to your job. Like we said earlier, shoveling the driveway, mowing the lawn, digging the weeds, you know, fixing the car. I don't know. Going out to eat. You know, all of these things are a little bit different when you are wearing a cage, for sure. However, that doesn't make them. It doesn't make them bad experiences. It just makes them a little more interesting, you know. Especially if the ball slips out. And we will address that on another podcast. Yes. Because that's some painful shit. I like your radio voice. Do you? I do. Welcome to Chastity Radio. Don't hesitate to reach out. Email. All my contact information is in my show notes. I love talking to you guys. And I think that's it. Okay. I don't know. You'll fix it. I will. You're so good. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being here. It's been forever since you've been on here. It's been a few episodes. What are we talking about next week? Are you coming next week? I don't even know what we're talking about next week. Next week. I don't know what next week is. It would be very, very fun if we could have our camp besties on again. But I don't know if the cards will play right for that because we have a craft show coming up. Well, it's a long winter. So anything's possible. And they have a kitchen table. So rock on. You have some interviews coming up, which is kind of cool. And yeah, I don't know. Well, everybody will find out next week what we're talking about next week. It'll be fun. Unless you're on my Patreon, you might know early. You will know early because Patreon folks get a little bit of a sneak peek of early stuff. And I appreciate everyone who listens, Patreon or not, family fans or not. I appreciate you all. 149,000 downloads. Fucking crazy. Thank you. And we thought 10 was cool. I know. I'm so excited for 10 and I'm like, holy fuck. Anyway, thank you all. I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday weekend. I don't know where this is at in relation to that. Everybody's doing well, getting ready for Christmas. Be good human beings. Be kind to one another. Stay healthy. I love you all. And we'll chat next week. Can we come in?