0607 Female Led Relationships: Why Communication Matters More Than Kink

This episode is a bit of a “back to the basics” conversation — but with some real-life perspective layered in.

We’re pulling questions and comments straight from TikTok and talking through things like female-led relationships, chastity, jealousy, and what actually makes these dynamics work in real life.

One of the biggest themes?

People want the dynamic… but skip the foundation.

If you’re sitting there thinking, “I wish my partner was into FLR or chastity,” the first question isn’t about convincing them.

It’s about how you’re showing up.

How are you treating them?
How are you communicating?
Are you doing the things — or just talking about them? 

We also talk about:

• Why chastity can be confusing or even off-putting at first
• How perspective changes everything in these dynamics
• The role of jealousy and boundaries in relationships
• Why understanding the “why” behind a desire matters more than the act itself
• Real examples from our relationship — including what worked and what didn’t

And one thing we keep coming back to:

There are always multiple perspectives.
Yours. Theirs. And somewhere in the middle… the truth.

This lifestyle — and really, any relationship — requires more communication than most people are used to. It’s not always easy. It takes work. It takes repetition. And sometimes it takes having the same conversation more than once.

But that’s also what makes it strong.

At the end of the day, this isn’t just about FLR.

It’s about building a relationship where you can say anything, ask anything, and grow together without feeling like you have to “deal with it” in silence.

🔑 Key Takeaway

You don’t build a strong relationship by jumping into the “sprinkles.”

You build it through communication, perspective, and understanding — everything else comes after.

Transcript

0:00

Thanks for having me. That was... Like a scab. Thanks for having me. Welcome back! We're gonna talk about... Sex, baby. Let's talk about you and me. We're gonna talk about the comments that I've gotten on my TikTok and I don't know if I have emails or not. This is gonna be a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants episode. A little pudgy pudgy, which we like to do these once in a while. Let's just fly by the seat of our pants. Let's see what's going on on the old ticker tocker. Are you ready? You're like, Hi, I'm here. You're always fucking here. Why do I have to introduce you? I don't know. You're just fucking here. You used to be so happy when I was jumped on the podcast with you and now it's like, I'm like baggage. You're like the extra that I have to have. No, you're always here. Everybody just should expect you to be here. I don't know how to do this on my own anymore. It's still my fucking podcast. Yes, yes it is. I need you to have the conversations to stimulate my brain. What about... Give a little pokey pokey. Give you a pokey pokey. I wouldn't fucking feel it. It's fine. It's not what you said before. Yeah, like back in 1982. Oh, that would not be the right time frame. Nope, not at all. I would like to retract that statement. That would be illegal on any levels. I wasn't even, I was probably walking by then. Yeah. Anyway. But we've not done housekeeping. Oh, and Subby's here because he needs to have his introduction or he's going to cry later. No, I won't. If you weren't here last week. We're glad you're here now. Yes, and go back to last week because that was fun too. We dropped our school. We launched our school. We opened our school. We did all the things with our school. School, if you don't know, is a new platform. S-K-O-O-L. The new platform. That's sort of like a Patreon on steroids. It's for the kids that don't know how to spell school. Correct. And there's a bunch of us. Come and hang out. We're the cool kids. Our specific space is F-L-R-S-K-O-O-L dot com. It'll bring you right there. We're the cool kids are. Yep. On school you get the free video versions of this podcast. It's no longer on YouTube, no longer on Patreon. Only on school. And that's where those live. You can see those for free. There's community there that's pretty active so far. There's like 33 people or something like that. They're pretty active with dropping comments and posts about questions. We just read one on the last episode about teasing, denial, and ruining and all that. Yep. So there's stuff going on there. We've been recording courses. Now it's on my shoulders to edit all of them, which is fun. He says we have been recording courses. I. It's my voice. Yes. But I do all the stuff back there. He just produces them. The three cameras set up that we have. I record them. He produces them. So yeah. So that's school. That's the big the big housekeeping. That's where we're directing our energies at. And if you want to build a community, go there. Talk with people. Talk with us. Leave comments. Post questions. We'll answer them. All the things. And fuck YouTube fuckers. Anyway. Yep. Okay. But now But now what? On to the hodgepodge. Oh. I cleanse my palate. With some Mountain Dewer. That was a hell of a cleanse. I'd like to Mountain Dewer. She wouldn't feel it. Okay. The first comment that I have off the old ticker tocker is obviously flames. Because why not? The next comment says I wish my wife was interested in anything FLR including chastity. Chastity is a hard one. A lot of women don't get it. Yeah. Let's step back first of all. Did you notice how we both went back? We both leaned back. We did. Yeah. Because we're settling in for the conversation. Stepping back. Yep. I wish my wife was more interested in things like FLR. Let's just stop there, right? What are you doing to spark this? Right? Yep. First of all, how are you treating her? Right? How are you introducing it? Maybe you're great. Maybe you're fantastic. Maybe you've done all the things. You do all the things and whatever and there's just no interest in it. Yep. We're going to start off the podcast with communication. Shot. Yep. You won't necessarily know that she's into those things if you haven't talked about it. Correct. Right? So, do the things first. Right? Throw the words out the window. Do the things. Actions speak louder than words. Right. Then, use your words. Yep. And have the conversations. Well, you know, we could look at it like this. This would be something different for us and something new and fresh and we could explore how our relationship could be a little bit different but guess what? It's been like this the whole time. If you're hoping or dreaming that your wife would get into something like this, start with the doing then do the talking. I can't guarantee that will lead you where you want to go but it's going to get farther than just saying something about it. I'll just touch on the chastity part of it. I know that my reaction was uncommon. It so was. But, I wish I had that screenshot. Oh, it was via text, wasn't it? Yep, sure was. I was in the booth, I think. Anyway, back at the ranch. And maybe this goes back further to when we first met and you were like, you know, I'm good with an open relationship. You can do whatever you want. And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Why doesn't he like me? Why would he want to share me? Because I think, to some respect, women have this little bit of them that like the jealousy. We like when we know our man is jealous about us getting attention from other men. To a point, yeah. Right. It can obviously be an extreme but I think that was what I struggled with the most with you in the beginning is that I didn't understand how you were just okay with it. But I will say this. Say that and then I'm gonna say. At the time that I met you, there was another person that I was oblivious to their interest, per se. But apparently they were super interested. I did not know. But they would have been very much the jealous type. Like, it would have been I mean, we don't have anything really I'm an open book. You have access to my phone. You have access to everything. You never utilize that. I never utilize it because I don't know that I'm allowed. But I know that I'm allowed. I mean, I don't really hide anything from you. Maybe I want you to, actually. That relationship would have been the exact opposite, I think. And I think I would have felt smothered. So, the jealousy thing or that part of it has to really, there has to be even, it's gotta be it can't be too extreme. You're very good now about like if well, you notice people giving me attention more than I. I'm fucking oblivious. Oblivious. If people are checking me out. I have no idea. I don't pay any attention. And they do. All the time. I don't. This is Okay. But I don't notice that. Like, I'm in my own little world. Which is why, if we were ever to explore cuckolding, it would be I would have to make, I've had to be very intentional because I have no idea what the fuck is going on, really. I'm in my own little world just like singing my own little songs and bopping to my own little tune and here you're looking at, anyway. I just notice things. Yeah, I don't even know where the fuck I was going with that. But, in the beginning it was very hard for me to understand why you were just like, eh, you can do what you want with anybody except for the other person that was expressing interest and then one other person and the other person no problem. Actually both of them. But I think that you saying those two people were off limits was enough for me to realize that there is something there. There's boundaries. Yes. And I think that gave me enough of a little bit of, like, not necessarily jealousy that I was looking for right? But it gave me an understanding more of what this would look like. Sure. But I bet you it took me two to three days. It certainly took you two to three days because I know that topic was off limits for two to three days. I don't know that we talked much for two to three days after that. I had a whole lot of processing because I was like, well, fuck, what am I getting myself into? Thank God I didn't say no. Can you imagine? I would have been like, fuck, I'm out, man. I don't need this. We wouldn't be sitting here right now. How sad. That's called the butterfly effect. Anyway, yes. Yes, it is. My comparison to that is I can see where that would be a reaction to the chastity as well because you're like does he want to have sex with me? Why does he want to lock his dick in a cage? Full circle, that's what I'm trying to get to. I think that it has to get ready to take a shot. It takes a lot of communication and you have to explain from different perspectives. If there's one thing that I have learned from this dynamic, it is solidly that you have to look at so many perspectives and there's a new thing that we say all the time now too is that there's three sides to every story. There's your side, their side, and the truth. Yes. Right? Who did that come from? I don't know. It's very much like that. We're very good about that too. For example, I went to the post office today and the lady was just a fucking cunt. She was so fucking rude for no reason. I don't even know why. Then you have to look at maybe she's having a bad day. Maybe the person in front of me was an asshole and she's still coming off of that or whatever. You know what I mean? Very much that way in this dynamic. You told me in the beginning that I could be with whoever I wanted except these two people. I'm like, well, what the fuck? I will say that that was the beginning of me being like, okay, well, let me sit back and think about this. You brought that out in me. Why would he feel that way? What is his perspective on this? Why would he want to do that? I think that if there's one piece of advice I could give to anyone who's trying to talk to their partner about this dynamic or about chastity, offer different perspectives and explain why you're interested in this. The why is huge. I think that for me, I misunderstood your why and why you would say that to me. Then once I understood, I was like, holy fucking freedom. It was so eye-opening. That was the intention. The pure intention. Yes, I gave the boundaries. Could have been ignored if you really wanted to and that would have involved communication. Probably not. That may have been a safe word moment. But anyways, getting back at this ranch, I think what I'm trying to say is that we talk about the why. You figured out the why. There's a lot of things in an FLR that isn't just the thing at face value. It's the why behind it. That's what first, the person requesting this needs to figure out their why. Can you say it right? First, thank you. The person has to figure out their why. They have to figure out their why. Then you have to be able to explain that why. Maybe also you do some research and find out some of the broader why. Come with all the information. Not as artillery, but just to be a good resource to the beautiful woman, your wife, who is saying, I don't understand. Let me say this, too. These relationships are not easy. If anybody, if you've been listening to this podcast since the beginning, you have come along with us on a journey. It has been a journey, including the two years that we were absent. There was a lot going on, but you can go back and look at the beginning and the difference in both of us to where we are now. It's hard fucking work. It's hard work. It can be, yeah. People think relationships are supposed to be easy, but nothing worth anything is really easy. Nothing easy is worth anything. I wouldn't say that. I'm worth it. You're not easy, though. That's true. I am not easy. I am a complicated mess. No, I've heard that before. On the relationships, that is the next comment. The next comment down on TikTok was that female-led relationships are the future. Yeah. As much as I wish that was the case, I don't know. I will always until my last breath be working towards making this dynamic more conversational, where people can have conversations about this relationship and it not be like, oh my god, you guys are freaks, or you believe in whips and chains and handcuffs, and so what if I fucking do? Don't kink shame me. Not the point, right? There's like 95% not that. At least in ours. Maybe in somebody else's, it is all whips and chains and handcuffs, but what we talk about here is we're really talking about the foundation, and that is also what school is about, because shameless plug number two. When we started this, I don't know that even still, there's hardly any place you can go. I mean, there's other creators out there. I'm not implying that I'm one of a kind, but I don't know how many people are really talking about the communication and the work that goes into it. I think more of the creators out there are more talking about the sprinkles, right? That's also important. I'm not implying that it is. Right, but it's just different. My core belief is that you have to have a strong foundation, and I think us, specifically, we have a rock-solid foundation. We have been through some shit. Through some shit, and never once though I have told him his breathing annoys me, do I wish that he would stop it, right? I mean, really, I don't... Honestly, we have been around each other for like 24 hours, 24 7, right? For a couple years now. Since we've moved into the bus, yeah. We have work days apart or whatever. And we didn't for a long time. Our first winter... Literally 24 7 for months at a time. Oh my god, our first winter in the camper, we literally didn't do anything. I don't know that you ever went anywhere without me. Nope. Or vice versa. Exactly. Yeah, we were always, always together, and never once did I think, man, if I just put this pillow over his face, the breathing would stop. Not once. But we got there with communication. Yes. I would agree. That's how we got there. And that doesn't mean that we didn't get on each other's nerves. It happens. We're humans. Especially that first summer in the camper, because we were trying to develop the business, and I... I'm a slow learner. That's it. That's all we're gonna say about it. But, there were some times I bet you he would have wanted to put a pillow over my face. No. I wanted to put one over my own. That's a whole other... Yes, it was frustrating. ...conversation. My whole point to even saying any of that was, no matter how frustrating it was, we always came back around. We talked about it a little bit. We had lots of long conversations, and I don't know that I ever... I mean, I didn't ever think it was going to break us. I thought it might divide us a little bit, but we worked through it. And it was a lot of talking, and I felt like we talked about the same thing a lot, but sometimes you have to have that. Me, personally, sometimes it takes that repetition. Building the bus, too, also. Building the bus, still. Yeah, but the beginning was rough. Yeah. Well, but we were under a time crunch. I had a lot to get done by a certain date, by myself. Yeah. So... So we have successfully... We covered some ground there. Yes. Yep. We talked about perspectives. I don't know if I ever finished with the female-led relationships being the future. I would love for them to be more open, more openly discussed, and I would love, obviously, I want people to know more of what these dynamics look like, and I will say this... And how not freaky necessarily they are. Yeah, God, we are so fucking vanilla most of the time. It's ridiculous. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Sort of. I mean... Sort of. Exterior, yes. Yes. That is valid. Yep, on the outside. Yeah, on the inside... Lots of sprinkles. Outwardly, we are very vanilla. Inwardly, we are very chocolate. Oh, I'm just kidding. We are very... Mmm. Like, you'd be inwardly chocolate. Okay. Anyways... Back at the ranch. You're not opposed, though. No. Anyway. What? Stop. We have six minutes. But... That point is that outwardly you can be very vanilla. Yes. Inwardly, it's your business. Yes. Right? I would just like the female-led relationship to be more commonplace. You know what I mean? We have all these other different relationship dynamics or like... I'm not... And I'm not trying to compare it to being gay or whatever, right? Mmm. But if you look at where we were at even five years ago, ten years ago, talking about someone being gay or homosexual or whatever the correct terminology is because I'm oblivious. Ten years ago, nobody was really talking about it. It was like very... Oh my goodness. And now you talk about it. People are like, yeah, so what's your point? You know what I mean? It's more commonplace. I would like... It would be awesome if female-led relationships were that way. But at the end of the day, the one thing I would like people to realize is that literally the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and it is also one of the only relationships I... It is the only relationship I have ever been in where I... There's nothing that I won't tell you. There's nothing that I feel like I can't say to you. We could be mid-hot steamy sex session and I'd be like, I don't like that. Stop it. Absolutely. I've never felt like that with anybody. Absolutely. I would just be like, I can tough it out and deal with it even though I'm not enjoying it. Never have I felt that way with you. Dealing with it. Yes. Is the key fucking phrase right there. Yes. And I'm not saying... There's nothing that you should have to deal with. Right. And I'm not saying that just because you're in a female-led relationship you don't have to deal with anything. Yeah. But I'm saying for me personally this has been the healthiest relationship because of all of the communication you need to have because it's such uncharted territory. Right. Like this is an entirely different way of living your life. Yeah. Depending on what you add for sprinkles. Absolutely. And for me it's been the healthiest and the most... I have experienced the most personal growth. Like I look back at pictures of myself even from I mean just 15 years ago I had to make sure I didn't include when we've been together. Do the math. I was like how long have we been together? Okay so like 15 years ago. No but I mean even just from when we first got together. I look so different. I mean I always I feel like since I've been with you I always look happy but I just look very different. Like I'm more you can just see the confidence. Absolutely. Like I think this relationship has been seriously life changing for me. Yep. And whether that's the FLR or just because of the person I'm in it with maybe both. Whatever that looks like. Yeah maybe a mixture of some sort. Right. And there's so many FLRs that are being lived in houses across America that aren't aware that they're FLRs. Yes. Right. And it doesn't have to be called that. No. I mean even if somebody listened to this podcast and they're like I'm not going to be in a female led relationship but they took away that you know active listening. Pay attention to your partner. Good relationship. Yes. If you take away tips to make your relationship better but it's not a female led relationship it's a fucking win. I'm so happy that you listened to my podcast enough to get something from it that will benefit you and your partner or just your relationship in general. Yep. I mean that is really the purpose for this podcast. Absolutely. And because I like to hear myself talk. So. That's how it started. Yep. No it started because I wanted to. Kind of. Yeah it did. That's how ES started. I got my porn voice on. You don't even talk like that. You're just naturally sexy. Anyways. I think that's it. I think that was my whole point in the rant about the female led relationship. Yep. Thanks for having me. Yeah I was fucking here. Like a scab. Thanks. Thanks for being here. You are a great addition to the podcast. You make me think and sometimes when I look at you I well sometimes I want to punch you and sometimes you make me think and say smart things. So. It's a fine line. Thank you. Welcome to Perimenopause. Just kidding though it's always been me. Is that it? Are we done? Are we all out? I think so. Okay. Stay safe. Be kind. Stay healthy. I love you all. Can we come in?